Taxman

Each day I remind Paul that we are one day closer to the day that he will no longer suffer constant pain from his headaches. Each day we have to hold the hand of Jesus to find the strength and courage to stay the course. This morning I read Psalm 84 and verse 11 struck home. "The threshold of the house of God / I prefer to the dwellings of the wicked."
From my prayer book I read "God has opened to us the treasures of His own house. Let us pray for the wisdom to stay within the walls built by His Word.
Sin speaks to us in many disguises: sharpen our ears to discern your voice.
Your wisdom is a difficult virtue: make our hearts wise.
Your love is beyond price: form in us a true set of values.
O God, you desire life for your people. Protect us from all that would lead us away from you;
guide us safely to the home you have prepared for us, through your Son, Jesus Christ Our Lord."
It is so clear to me that that is exactly what God is doing. He is leading us safely to the home that has been prepared for us.

Last night I received a call from Ray , who has contacted me after I sent a message out on the Hydrocephalus Association website. He has been very helpful because he also suffered a head injury, which resulted in hydrocephalus. He knows Paul's pain and the trouble with finding the correct shunt and settings. He is the one who gave us the name of a good doctor in Savannah. In the readings today, there is this prayer.
"As members of Christ's Body, we suffer with those who suffer.
For those who feel abandoned in their suffering, send them compassionate companions to accompany them.
For those who struggle under the burden of sorrow, send them compassionate friends to support them. "
As I read this and the verse in Psalm 84 I found comfort knowing God is continuing to lead Paul and our family closer to the threshold of the house of the Lord. He is bringing us all one day closer to the intended recovery He has in store for Paul and He has provided us with companions along the way. Paul's total dependency on God has shown itself through his prayers that he speaks through day and night when the pain becomes unbearable. The last 2 nights, he has woken and has taken his rosary in hand and then asks me to help him pray. For the first time, he apologized to God for his carelessness while driving and that he was sorry he endangered Michael. He thanked God for his life and the protection given to Michael. He asked God for help with his pain, which he said is constant from morning to night. He asked for the ability to sleep, since he lays there most of the night in pain. He always ends with thanking God for his parents and brothers who are taking care of him. It is this faithfulness to God, shown by Paul, that is truly leading the way to the doorstep of heaven. One step closer to recovery, one step closer to the threshhold. I know we have taken a huge detour in our attempt to reach 'California', but I know there has to be a FREEWAY up ahead, where we will make better time!

Taking care of Paul became so much easier when I pictured myself actually tending to Jesus in His suffering. Blessed Teresa of Calucutta said that in tending to the poor, the sick and the dying, she was tending to Jesus personally.. Those words came to life for me one day as I was cleaning the areas where Paul had stitches. I thought of the woman who wiped the face of Jesus along the path of Calvary and of Mary, His mother, in all of her caring and loving. In picturing myself actually tending to Jesus, who is in all of us, my tasks become filled with joy. Once again, words I have heard have come back to me and have become meaningful. Words of scripture, words of saints whose 'footsteps' have helped lead us to the threshhold of our Father in heaven - they are heard again, but have so much more meaning. And it is because of Paul's accident that our family has been able to grow a little more in our understanding of God's immense amount of love for us and how we are to go out and share that love. So many have shown us examples of God's love, which we are now being called to share with others we meet. I told Paul he will never need to apologize to his family for all that has happened. We have gained far greater things than he can imagine!

Paul has put in some very hard efforts this week. He and James have attended Mass each day and when they get home, Paul has taken his 30 minute walks. He has not been able to keep his sun glasses off for very long though. It is just too bright for him and it causes his headache to be worse. They have also come by the office and made trips to the grocery store. James works with Paul on excercises for his legs and arms and has helped Paul drink more than 1/2 of his daily hydration amounts. Paul will look at the glass of liquid and will ask each and every time, "Do I have to drink ALL of this?" He says that it hurts his head, but he does finish what is given to him. Funny thing is, he eats food and doesn't complain at all. Not sure what that is all about. The other night, I ordered pizza and Paul asked me how much the 3 pizzas would cost. I said it was a special called 555, so it was $15 plus tax, which came to $16.96. Paul immediately said we were overcharged. I told him I was not sure what the tax rate was, but it was probably 5-6%. He said that it should be only around $15.75. When the pizza came, I looked at the receipt to see how they got the total and we found out that there is now a $1 delivery charge and the tax rate was 6%. I was amazed though at how quickly Paul realized that the price was not correct. Sorry Paul, taxes went up while you were healing!

I was on my way home from work today and all of a sudden remembered that it was Friday, same day as the accident. It flashed through my head that it was just about the time that Paul had called me and asked what was planned for that evening since Aunt Mary was in town. I remembered how his voice used to sound, then thought of how he sounds now when he asks, "Do we have any doctor appointments today?" I of course started to cry, which kind of happens a lot when I think back to that day and then it occured to me that Paul never cries. Of all people, I would think he would want to cry - from the continuous pain, or the frustration of trying to recover and then lose ground and have to start over again. I asked him when I got home if he ever feels like crying and he said he can't. He said it was never in his nature to cry. I thought about it and he is right. Even as a young child, I remembered he had cut himself really badly and needed stitches. He did not cry. The only time I remember him crying was when his grandfather died and he had to stop frequently as he tried to give his speech. It amazes me though that something this big in his life has not brought out stronger emotions. That may be further down the road. I won't sit and worry about it, just caused me to sit and wonder today. It may actually be God's blessing to Jon ......he only has to contend with the unpredictable crying of his wife!

The doctor in Savannah is out until Monday. I will follow up with him to see if he will even accept Paul as a patient. I got on line and it appears that the Savannah Neurological Institute is a big complex with all the doctors who need to be involved in the area of neurology on site. I asked Ray if that was the case and he said yes. The neurosurgeons have all the imaging equipment at the office, so there is no need to go to an ER. He had to have some other tests done and it was done in another office on the campus. He walked there, then came back to his neurosurgeon's office and the results were waiting. There is a rehab center, neurologists, therapists, neurosurgeons and psychologists all at this neurological institute. If they would accept Paul, I will spend a lot of time asking questions so that we can make an informed decision about whether to use this facility or Chicago. The main problem with going to Chicago is that I may lose my job. We would like to avoid that if possible, but if the best answer for Paul is to go there, then we will go.

Jon's 2 sisters and his brother and sister in law are all coming next week. They had booked their tickets months ago, thinking that by now Paul would be really strong and functioning more independently. While that is not the case, they are very excited to see Paul. Jon and Marie will also come into town next weekend, so there is a lot to look forward to. Paul has remembered all the relatives, which we were glad to find out. He has not seen any of the Fidero's from the West coast for over 2 years. He remembered his cousins visiting and is glad they are coming again.
More and more things are being remembered.

Jon Jr. mentioned that one of his professors is going to Fatima this week and she is going to write Paul's name in any prayer request book, or add it to any prayer basket. That made me smile to know his name will be on her mind as she prays at this Shrine of the Blessed Mother Mary. Also, another wonderful thing I found out was from someone at work. Kris asked me if I knew a young girl named Shea, who had been at Shepherd Center while Paul was there. I told her we did and that we followed her family's blogspot also, while keeping them in our prayers. Kris then said that she was talking to a young man from the church where Shea and her family attend and in their conversation, Kris mentioned Paul Fidero's name. This man knew who she was talking about because he said the members of this church have continued to pray for Paul since they learned of him back in January! I was truly overjoyed knowing that so many people are helping us pray Paul back to a full recovery. And I want to ask that you keep Lauren Shea Hickok in your prayers, as she too had many more difficulties to overcome. Her faith story makes ours pale in comparison! In fact, it is the stories and victories of others who have had a tougher walk than ours that keep us motivated, that help us know that with God's grace and the prayers of so many, we too will be victorious. The prayers of so many have provided us with the grace to continue to try to do God's will in our day. Have we told you lately how much we thank you? If it has been more than a day, it is too long ago!

After reading this blog, I see that I have rambled on worse than ever - kind of like the road to recovery that we have been on lately.....smile.

God's blessing to you and your families,
Jon and Rebecca