Pedaling My Way Back

Paul played his guitar before Mass on Saturday night.
He felt terrific and had very little pain!

Paul is busy setting up the program on the panel.

Jon and Paul in the new 'workout room'.














Jon is busy assembling the weight bench. That was a real workout too!














Taking it easy...............no sunglasses, flashing camera is okay too!


_____________________________________________________________________
Paul was doing so poorly last Wednesday that I called the doctor's office to see what else we could do for his head pain. I was told to come to the office the next morning and they would adjust the shunt. Paul and I left at 5:30 and we were able to sail right up to Charlotte with very little traffic. We got to the doctor's office and found out that he was going to be in surgery all day and we would not be seeing him. His assistant had the day off. One of the nurses adjusted the shunt and they took an x-ray. In 20 minutes, we were back out the door. I was extremely disappointed about not getting to see anyone who could answer a bunch of questions I had. We had not heard back about the test results from the 14th and 15th of June and we hoped we would hear about their outcomes.

After this appointment, we also were going to have an appointment for the electrical stimulation treatment Paul receives every couple of weeks. We were about an hour early, so I parked under the shade of a very large tree. I tried to get Paul to drink a lot of water before the appointment, but his stomach was also hurting and he said he felt like he would get very sick if he drank one more thing. I felt very frustrated because there would be little use in us staying if Paul could not drink the necessary amount of water. He was lying down in the far back seat of the van and was really irritable. I was standing outside of the van with the side door open, trying to decide what to do. I had made a trip all the way to Charlotte and it appeared it was going to be pretty much a wasted trip. I decided to stay for the next appointment anyway, as I wanted to talk about what the time frame was for these electrical treatments. I was also hoping we might get to see the doctor at this office. We waited the hour and then went in. Paul was hooked up and within 10 minutes, Paul could not stand the pain of the electrical charge. The technician said it was because he didn't drink enough water to help conduct the electrical current through his body. I asked her to explain exactly how much water Paul needed to drink so we not only would have him prepared for the next appointment, but also Paul could hear how much water he was supposed to drink. He has argued with me a lot that he doesn't need to drink gallons and gallons of water each day. He says, "What? Like I will die if I don't drink 8 billion glasses of water each day? I drink tons of water and I don't need to drink anymore." Clearly, he is tired of having to drink water, but he doesn't seem to remember he drinks only about 4 glasses a day. I thought he was supposed to drink a quart of water in the hour before the appointment and I wanted him to hear it from a medical professional! She said he needed to drink "2 QUARTS OF WATER IN THE 2 HOURS BEFORE THE APPOINTMENT AND ANOTHER 2 QUARTS IN THE HOURS AFTER THE APPOINTMENT". I was as shocked as Paul when I heard this. He turned his head and looked at her and said, "Like I said, billions and billions of glasses of water, or I will die." I was immediately angry about the fact that no one told us it was supposed to be THAT much water! All these trips up to Charlotte and we had only been told that he needed to drink as much water as possible. I had read an article that mentioned the ONE quart before the appointment, but that was the only mention of a defined amount of water! All this time wasted. It was no wonder that there had been no help from these treatments. She explained to Paul why he needed to drink that much, which I was grateful for. But that information would have been a lot more useful 6 months ago.

I got out to the car and sat and cried. I had to let some of the stress out. There have been so many frustrations like this in dealing with the medical profession. They act like we all have medical degrees. Unfortunately, we don't always know enough to ask the very specific questions that would help us get the most out of our efforts. We deal so often with nurses and assistants and we get so much conflicting advice that it is amazing anyone gets healed. I started to do the 'woulda, shoulda, coulda' routine while I was sitting there crying. I thought about all the things I wished we had known so that we would not have had so much wasted effort and so many wasted hours chalked up. Then I thought about how hard we have all prayed. Surely that was not a wasted effort, right? Right God? Tell me it has not all been for naught! What the heck is all this about then? How many more prayers are needed to get Paul some relief????? How many more people have to lift Paul up in prayer?? I cried off and on all the way back to Atlanta. I talked out loud to God off and on, all the way back to Atlanta. I didn't get an immediate response. Okay God, I would wait, I said. But please help lead us in the right direction with this recovery.

On Friday morning, Paul still didn't feel well. Jerry had the day off and he was going to get Paul to work, even for just a little bit. He was going to try to get Paul as active as possible. Paul did go to work, but only for about an hour. Jerry took him to the pool, but there were too many kids there and the noise bothered Paul. So Jerry kept him active in other ways and he started to actually feel a little better that evening.

I went to Adoration at 1 P.M. on Friday and my friend Sharon Nixon happened to stop in. She asked me about Paul and I said he was not doing well. She showed me a book she was reading about how we need to remember that God is our Father in heaven. We were reminded that just as we took our problems to our fathers on earth, we were to take everything to the Father. He wants to help us and He wants us to come to him. So during Adoration, I closed my eyes and talked to Him like I would have done with own dad. He got to hear it all. After I finished my talk, I sat quietly for a little longer. Later, I had a great peace about it all and knew that from day one, we had placed our trust in Him. I trusted that while there have been outcomes that were not like we pictured, He is aware of all our needs. It’s that timing issue again! So I asked for the strength to accept all of the disappointing outcomes, the difficult scenarios we have been faced with and to please answer at least that part of my plea. Give me the strength to endure.

Saturday morning, I was getting ready to go see how Paul was doing. Before I got over to Jerry’s, Paul called me and said, “Jerry said I needed to call you to let you know I am feeling really good. He said you would want to know that.” I immediately knew God was giving us some relief and got tears in my eyes as I responded, “We’re on our way over!” Jerry’s mom came to our house about that time to drop off some flowers she got at the nursery for our gardens and she told us Paul looked pretty good and that he was feeling lots better. Jon and I went on over to Jerry’s after that. Paul was in great spirits and he was telling us all the things he was going to do that day. They were going to build the bike for him and were going to set up the weight bench. Jerry’s basement is sectioned off into rooms, but it still needs the drywall. Paul and Jerry had planned it all out, where everything was going to go. So, Jon stayed to help them and I left to visit with my mother and take her around with me to run errands. Jon and I were so happy to see Paul feeling so well – it was like night and day. I could hardly wait to get back to Jerry’s house.

Saturday night, Paul asked his friend Jonathan to come over so they could watch a movie. The real test about how well Paul was feeling was when Jerry was taking a picture of him with his sunglasses off and he looked up and said, “You can take it with a flash, it won’t bother me.” We have not been able to take pictures where Paul wants us to tell him when we are going to have to use the flash. He wants to close his eye first, even with sunglasses on. He really hates the flash. So this was a huge statement to hear from him!

Paul put in a full day and went to Mass on Saturday evening with the Hufford family. On Sunday, he stayed at our house. As I prepared brunch, Paul, James and Jon were playing guitars in the front room. I got the video camera so the moment could be saved. It was so much fun listening to them. In the early afternoon, he stood by as I gave Abby-dog a ‘trim’. He wanted to make sure I didn’t cut off too much or do a poor haircutting job. We were out in the heat of the day and it was really uncomfortable. Paul handled it really well and did not complain of a really bad headache. He said it was in the low 4’s. He was not going to leave his dog’s side while I had a pair of scissors in my hand! When I was finished, I noticed his sideburns and the back of his hair line were getting long. I asked if he wanted me to trim his hair, while I was at it. He called out to Jon and Michael, “Dad, Mike – watch out, mom has a pair of scissors and apparently she is looking to cut some hair.” He then walked to a mirror and looked at his sideburns. He said, “Okay, so maybe they need a bit of a trim. Go ahead, but don’t take a long time doing this.” So Paul and Abby left our house looking very neat and tidy, if I say so myself! Both of them were spared a ‘buzz cut’.

Sunday evening, Paul took his friend Jonathan out to eat. When he got home, he called and wanted to see if anyone wanted to watch the Braves baseball game. James and Michael were really tired, so Jon and I went over. We watched about 3 innings with him, then we said goodnight. Jerry said he stayed up kind of late and he noticed that Paul had written down 1:50 A.M. on the sheet they use to help Paul remember when he takes his Advil. The good thing is, Paul is taking control of getting his own pain medicine and keeping track of the times he takes it so he and everyone else knows when he had his last medication. Jerry started that approach and it is working. It let him know also that Paul had been up during the night due to pain. This morning, Paul was mainly just tired. He will go to work this afternoon. We have to watch him closely for the signs of over draining caused by the change of the shunt setting. But, just possibly, we have found the right setting and he is on his way. That is my prayer today.

After hearing the gospel about John the Baptist yesterday, I have also added a prayer to my list - that I will learn how to endure the difficult times with greater trust and joy. Our most beloved saints were able to show joy even in the most difficult/painful times. They stayed focused on bringing the glory of God to everyone around them through their great faith and most importantly, their joy. When I mentioned how easily I can despair sometimes, my mom said I should start to sing a song to Blessed Mary and sing it with joy. It will make me feel better and if satan is around, it will send him fleeing! I smiled as I pictured this, wondering if it would actually be my off-key solo that would send him running into the night!
Either way – works for me!

Our Father, hear the prayers of your faithful.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Bottom of the Fifth

Paul arrives at Turner Field - no rain, so the game
is on.

Jerry got this picture of Paul with Jeff Franceour's
picture on the score board. Great shot Jerry!















Clare and Paul find each other in the crowd














Emily was right there too to give a hug to Paul.
These 2 young ladies have brought a lot of joy to Paul.
You can't see it in the picture, but Emily has a
broken leg and a cast that will be on for a good portion
of the summer. Hang in there Emily!

Paul with Ben, Clare and Emily's dad. Ben and
Jerry have been best friends for a long time.

This picture was taken before we went to Charolotte
last week. Paul had attempted to walk up Stone Mtn
and went half way up. He finished his work out by
walking along the main road into the park.


Wednesday

From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for your prayers.

Paul woke up with a headache Tuesday morning, but he said it was not as intense. He was even joking around a little, which is a sign that he is doing okay. He started out the day saying he really hoped and prayed he would get to go to the game that night. I told him that it would be a good idea for him to try to move around as much as possible to help get plenty of oxygen into his body. I also remembered something our first neurosurgeon told us last year, after Paul's very first surgery. He said that more brain fluid is produced when we are inactive and laying down. He always encouraged us to get Paul up and moving as soon as possible after his surgeries. I told Paul this and he said he would do his best to try to get some physical activity in during the day. He just didn't want to do things that bring on a severe headache. We decided that while it was cool in the morning, he should take his dog for a walk. Judy was going to be helping Paul out for the day, so she said she would take the dogs and Paul over to the park for an early morning walk. Then they would just keep a simple routine for the day. Paul's headache level was at 6. Knowing Paul, he would make it happen if it didn't get worse than that.

At 4:00 PM, it started to rain like crazy. I called Jerry and he said that they thought the rain might let up in time for the game at 7:00 PM and the game plan was still on. At 5:30, it was drizzling. Jerry said he had talked to Ben and they were already on their way downtown, so Jerry drove home to get Paul and everyone would at least meet for dinner. If the game got cancelled, Paul would at least get to see Ben and his family. Paul's head was hurting, but only at a level 4. He even held off taking his pain medicine so it would last a little longer for him and then he might be able to get to the game, if they played. Jerry said that when they got down there, Clare saw Paul first and then Emily. They ran to meet Paul and gave him a hug. Paul was so happy to see them and for him, his day was a success! He had been looking forward to this evening for over a week and he knew the prayers had been answered.

The rain stopped and so the game was on. Paul got to see Jeff Franceour play, which was a real thrill. Jeff graduated from the same high school as Paul the year before Paul graduated. I asked Paul if he knew Jeff very well and he said not really, but he knew that Jeff had come to some of the concerts Paul's band played in while they were in high school. Paul was really excited to see how well Jeff was doing in his baseball career. Paul hung in there as long as he could, and Jerry said he looked over and could tell Paul was starting to look like he was in pain, so Jerry decided to take Paul home. He had made it to the 5th inning and Paul was so glad he was able to accomplish most of his goal. Unfortunately, the Braves didn't do as well. They weren't able to score at all.

We were waiting for Paul to come home last night and he called to say he was on his way home. He sounded as excited about his evening as if it had been the first game he ever went to. He was very happy that he got to see Clare and Emily and his new baseball hero, Jeff Franceour.
Paul's score........ 3 hits!

One more time the power of prayer moves us forward.
A special thanks to Judy for taking such loving and good care of Paul yesterday. She made sure he stayed well fed, well hydrated and ready for the game. And as always, thank you Jerry - for driving all the way home from downtown, in the rain, to get Paul and drive back downtown. You and your mother are saints.

And today's reading? Not surprising that it relates completely.
" Brothers and sisters, consider this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each must do as already determined, without sadness or compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. Moreover, God is able to make every grace abundant for you, so that in all things, always having all you need, you may have an abundance for every good work. As it is written: He scatters abroad, he gives to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.

The one who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and bultiply your seed and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You are being enriched in every way for all generosity, which through us produces thanksgiving to God. "
St. Paul to the Corinthians 9:6-11

As I read through the comments last night after everyone had gone to bed, I thanked God for all that you are doing for Paul through your offering up your own pain and your prayers. God has graced our family with great abundance indeed. Paul is our visual aid of how your prayers are being heard and answered.

I have not heard back from the doctor and today, Paul is in a lot of pain. He isn't even trying to talk today and his head is at a level 9 in pain. God was so merciful to lift the pain for a little while. Keep us in your prayers. I am putting in a call to the doctor to see what they want to do, since Paul is not getting better after this last trip up there.

God bless you all and with great abundance.
He knows each of your acts of charity. He has to be well pleased.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

There will be a bit of a delay once again, in posting a couple of pictures I really wanted to get on the blog today. I have had some 'help' with my camera. All the pictures were downloaded somewhere on Jon's computer and I haven't a clue where they are. I have conclusive evidence of who might have done this. The only pictures on my camera are of Michael's 1981 Mercedes that he bought and fixed up a bit. He plans on selling it for a profit and my guess is that he took pictures of it to post on Autotrader. Hopefully, I will be able to catch up with him later today and he can help me locate all of my pictures. Sigh.

I have not heard from the doctor yet and I will need to call him anyway. Paul has suffered intense pain since late Saturday. We have been able to keep the level of pain down to a 7.75 (Paul's estimation of pain) with medication. He is feeling so miserable. I am asking for your prayers today for one particular reason. Paul was supposed to go to his first baseball game tonight to see the Braves and the Red Sox play. He and Jerry were going to meet Ben and his family there. Ben's daughters were really looking forward to being with Paul and Jerry and Paul was looking forward to it most of all. He was very sad last night that he might miss this. I prayed with him for a good while last night. I woke up numerous times throughout the night and prayed for him to start to feel better. If he is not better today, I would imagine the doctor will have us bring him back up there. I don't know what brought on this pain, but he has not been well since we went to the hospital. It reminds me of a very old nun I knew from high school. I saw her coming out of a hospital one day. I was there to see a friend. I asked her if she was okay and she said she was there for some tests. She said that she didn't like going to the doctor because she always felt just fine until she saw one and they would tell her what was wrong with her and she would then feel a lot worse than when she came. She said she always felt great until they told her she was not well. It seems that is what has happened to Paul. He went to Charlotte feeling pretty good, with his head pain down around the level of 3-4. Now his head is hurting at the 8-10 level. There just may be some truth to what Sister Jean Louis said!

As we wait today for help to arrive, I am going to continue to call out to our Lord and all the saints in heaven to help Paul feel some relief from his pain. I have a lot of trust that our help always comes from above!

Peace, Love and Play Ball.
Jon and Rebecca

Somewhere in Time

We don't have the result from the tests done in Charlotte on Thursday and Friday. We got a phone call Sunday around 4 PM from the doctor and he said he had to go over the tests and will give us his opinion today. He had to leave town on Friday right after the tests were done and he didn't get back from his trip until Sunday. He needed to go over the results with the radiologist. So we have to wait a little longer to hear what the next course of action will be. I can say with a good amount of certainty that there is another surgery on the horizon, from the few bits of conversation I heard while we were at the hospital. It's a good thing I was gifted with some wonderfully spiritual moments on the drive to Charlotte. It really gave my spirit a boost and I am grateful to God for that. It helped Paul and I stay strong.

We were watching a beautiful day unfold as we headed towards Charlotte. We were in South Carolina and I could not believe how beautiful the sky was. I continued to watch it for awhile and noticed we were starting to come into patches of fog. I thought that was kind of weird because it had been so clear as the sun started to rise. As I was enjoying the view, I remembered we had not said our rosary, like we usually do when we start a trip. I asked Paul if he would like to get started with praying it. He agreed we needed to say one so we would have a safe trip. I had to think for a moment which mysteries we would be reciting and then realized it was the Luminous Mysteries. I kind of laughed and told Paul to take note of the weather we were coming into. It was getting more and more foggy looking and the sky had a look of luminescence to it. We started to pray the rosary and at the 4th mystery, The Transfiguration of Our Lord, it was like God was setting the stage for that mystery. I am not exaggerating at all about this - the sun was higher in the sky and it was causing the fog to become very bright around us. We could not yet see the sun, just the brightness of its light. I stopped and told Paul how awesome I thought it was - it was like God wanted us to get a clearer idea of the moment of The Transfiguration! Paul and I were silent for a mile or two as we kept looking out at the sky. Then we finished that decade and started the Fifth Mystery, which is the Institution of the Eucharist. I started to recite the Our Father and in that moment, I saw the sun through the fog and it was white, not yellow. The fog kept the intensity of the sun low enough so that I could look directly at the sun. It was a very large white circle. It made me stop mid sentence and I quietly said to Paul, "Oh my God, Oh my God, Paul. The sun looks just like the Eucharist. It is so white and so luminous". Paul saw it and said, “ Wow! It sure does.” We stared in silence for the longest time and I couldn’t help the tears just pouring down my face. I was filled with so much joy in that moment. I said to Paul, “How do you describe this moment to anyone?” I knew I would not be able to put into words just what I was feeling or seeing. That moment was just overwhelming for me and I believe in my heart that God was sending out His grace upon us. I stared to think about my sister Mary Beth because we had talked before about how moments like these are so incredible and how we wished we could put into words the awesomeness of these grace filled moments. (I guess you are wondering how I was able to drive with all this? VERY CAREFULLY! I slowed down and got into the right lane on the freeway. I was so glad there was very little traffic at that time too, because I wanted to savor all that I was seeing.) As if all of this was not enough, my cell phone rang and it was my sister Mary Beth!! I cut her off when I heard her voice and said, "I was just thinking about you and you won't believe what I am seeing!!! She said she just had to call me because of what had just happened to her too! She had been walking on the beach earlier and was thinking about the weekend all the sisters spent there on our mini-vacation. She had been enjoying all the beauty of her day too. She said that for as many times she has walked that beach these past couple of years this one thing has never happened. She was thinking about us and praying and she happened to look down at the sand and for the first time ever, she saw a penny laying on the sand! And in the moments I was thinking about how I would love for her to see what I was seeing, she called me. I told her that I was so happy God helped her think about me so that we could share these things with each other. I went on to describe what I was seeing before me. It was an absolutely wonderful experience.

I believe Paul and I were able to enjoy that grace filled morning as a way to build up our strength. It turned out to be a really tough day for Paul, which always makes it hard for me too. I hate watching Paul suffer more pain. The procedures were very painful. The ENT doctor had to insert 4 long pieces of very stiff pieces of cardboard like material into Paul's left nostril. It made him sneeze a number of times, which caused his head to really start to hurt. This kept Paul from wanting to eat, drink or even talk. We went to the hospital and the doctor did a procedure where he inserted a low level radioactive material into Paul's spine and they then had Paul lay at an angle on the gurney - with his head at the low end. He had to stay like that for an hour and a half, with a lot of pressure to his head. He was so uncomfortable and his headache was up to a 10. They were making sure that if there was a leak of brain fluid, it would leak while he was in the hospital. If there was any radioactive fluid on the strips in his nostril, then they would know there is a leak of brain fluid. After that, they moved him to the table where they would run more tests. We were not finished until 8:30 PM. Ten straight hours of this and Paul had not eaten, nor drank much of anything. He was visibly miserable. I was exhausted with the tension of watching him suffer and not being able to make it any better for him. We got a little bit to eat on our way to the hotel, but neither of us really felt like eating. Paul went straight to bed and I actually fell asleep in the chair right after I opened my laptop to start to write a blog. I woke up later and crawled into bed.

I woke at 5 AM and still felt wiped out, so I knew it would be a long day for us. I had to wake Paul at 6:30 AM so we could be at the hospital by 8:00 AM. There was one more test to be done and that was to check the shunt to make sure it was working properly. Dr. McLanahan came in and said he was so impressed with how strong Paul was. He acknowledged that Paul has been through so many difficult things and has had to endure so many procedures and surgeries and it amazed him how patient and strong Paul stayed throughout it all. He asked Paul what he hoped to do someday, after they got everything under control. Paul said he didn't know, since he had been a musician and his main passion was playing guitar. He said he had to think about it, since so much had changed for him. I mentioned to the doctor that we did hope for Paul to finish college in whatever he field he decided to pursue. He was glad to hear that. He said that he knows this complicated case will be solved and he was working to get us to that recovery.

We were able to start our drive home at about 11 AM. I was heading out of Charlotte and remembered that there was a Shrine of our Lady of Lourdes at the Belmont Monastery about 10 miles away. I asked Paul if he felt up to the side trip and he said it sounded like a good idea. We were able to find it and we prayed in front of the statue of Our Lady of Lourdes. I was very happy I had recently heard about this place and that Paul was feeling well enough to stop. It was a huge blessing as it turned out. I want to add right now that I am very thankful for all your prayers for us during this trip. They surely saved our lives. Here is how.

I didn’t realize just how tired I was as I started towards Atlanta. We had been driving about an hour and a half and I thought to myself that I was going to need to stop soon because my eyes were burning and I was having a tough time keeping them open. In the moments following that thought, I dozed off. I woke back up as if I had been shocked awake and I was heading into the car to the side of me. I got our car back into my lane and immediately pulled off the next exit. I was so upset that this had happened and that I had almost caused an accident. It had shocked Paul too, as he wondered why the car jerked like it had. I told him we were taking a long break and that I needed to get out. We stopped for about 20 minutes and I got some coffee and some exercise. We made it home safely and I know God helped to protect us.

Friday night, we were having dinner with Mark and Patty Palmquist and Paul got a phone call. It was Geneva. He had been dating her before the accident, but he has very little memory of it. He has only snippets of memory of anything from the summer before, except about buying his car. He remembers his car……..
Anyway, Geneva called him to see if he would like to go with her to Christ the King Cathedral downtown to attend the Latin Mass for the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. After Paul finished talking to her, he hung up his phone and said, “I need to leave now, I am going to Mass with Geneva.” The dinners had just been brought by the waiter, but Paul wanted to leave. Jon quickly ate his meal and Paul ate his and they left. I stayed with James and we continued to visit with our friends. When we got home, Paul was just about ready to go and James checked his tie for him and gave him the thumbs up sign. Geneva came shortly after that and they left to attend the Mass at 9 PM. Paul did not get home until after midnight! Needless to say, I was not awake. He told us the next morning that he had a wonderful time and he got to see Christina Peek too. He was glad he got to see her again. He said that he really enjoyed the Mass and he also said he wishes he remembered dating Geneva. He said, “She is so beautiful and so kind. How could I have forgotten someone like that?!” We were so happy for Paul that he got to go out. It never ceases to amaze us how generous people have been in helping Paul. Geneva has been very kind to him and calls him and stays in touch. It takes some patience to get Paul out and about. He is slow and deliberate in his movements – so it takes a longer amount of time to get around. But his friends have shown such patience and tenderness towards him. Jon and I are always so touched by the love shown Paul, even though we are almost 2 years post accident. God’s amazing graces flow!

Paul started to experience a lot of pain Saturday evening and then through this morning. He is a little better today, but his head pain has been in the 7-10 range all weekend. I think the fatigue from the tests and the trip to Charlotte caught up with him. He was starting to trend up this morning, so I am hopeful he will get back on track by tomorrow. I mentioned to him that Dr. McLanahan will call us today sometime to give us the game plan. I said I honestly might tell him we are going to wait to do surgery, if that is part of the plan. I want Paul to gain strength before they do more surgery. After I said, “I think we might wait to let them do more surgery if it is needed”, Paul said, “Why would we wait to get me free from pain?” I asked him if he really felt ready for more surgery and he said that he is ready to be without pain. No matter what it takes. He has gone into each surgery with the expectation that it would take his head pain away and he still has complete faith that one of these times, the surgery will accomplish that goal. I know Dr. McLanahan said he is going to find the answer to this complicated case and I still have faith he will. My prayer is that it will be soon. Very, very soon.

On Father’s day, Paul almost didn’t make it to Mass. We got there a little late and at the Offertory, he said he needed to leave. I told him that he was so close to receiving the Body of Christ, to please try to stay that long. I thought about the sight of the sun through the fog on Thursday and how we believe that Jesus comes to us through the Eucharist. I whispered this to Paul and he nodded and said he would try hard to stay. God heard our prayers and Paul hung in there until the end. He was so wiped out with pain by the time I got him home. But I felt so much better knowing he had received Jesus. It was the only answer that I could think of to help him handle his pain.

May God hear our prayers and answer our plea for help. In His holy name, we will wait.

I have a couple of pictures from the last couple of days that I will get posted later.
I will post them along with the news we receive from the doctor. God bless Dr. McLanahan, as he works to find a solution to the ongoing problems Paul is experiencing.

Until then, God bless your day abundantly.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Getting Checked Out

Thursday morning, Paul and I head back to Charlotte for the appointments he has. He will see the ENT doctor first to have the fluid in his nose tested to see if it is brain fluid. From there, we go straight to the hospital to have a spinal tap and an isotope study. We have to stay the night, so I will post the outcome of these tests as soon as possible. Jon would have come, but he has missed a good number of days at work taking Paul to Charlotte for the electrical stimulation sessions. So far, we have not had any dramatic results from them, but will finish the process with the hope of recovery of the facial nerve.

At Mass this morning, there were 3 people who came up and asked how Paul was doing. It is always so amazing to me that people are so loving and caring and still ask how our Paully is doing. God has been so generous in His love for our family, through all of you dear people. We all draw so much strength from the prayers and love that have been offered.

Today turned out to be a very blessed feast of St. Anthony. I called Paul as I was coming home from Mass to make sure he was awake. I knew he would want to go to Mass on this feast day because Jerry and he pray a beautiful prayer to St. Anthony every day. Jerry taught it to Paul and it was the first thing Paul was able to memorize after his accident. It is a prayer that brings so much comfort when I hear it. Paul was awake and was already getting ready for Mass. He was very clear in his speech and he was in a great mood. I heard later in the day about his attempt to climb Stone Mountain again. He got up some of the way, but had to turn back. He walked on the path around the base of the mountain to finish off his effort at excercise for the day. He also ordered a recumbent bicycle after finding a better price on line than the local sports store. He had a really good day and I truly believe that St. Anthony was right by Paul's side. We were getting ready tonight and Paul was still going strong at 10:30 P.M. I finally said I had to get to my things ready and reminded Paul that 5:00 AM is a tough time to get up! He was still surfing the net when I left the room.

Earlier in the evening Paul checked out the car I rented for our trip. We are trying to save the wear and tear on our vehicles, so I rented a car. I was able to get a great rate since our company does a lot of business with the rental car company. I brought the car home and of course, Jon and the guys all had to check it out. It has a camera in the rear that allows you to see if anything is behind you. The display is on the dash. There is the navigational system, which I won't need since I now know Charlotte better than some areas of Atlanta! What was great to see was how quickly Paul figured it out. I didn't have a clue how it worked and was not even going to turn it on. Paul had it on and asked me for the address of the ENT office in Charlotte. He said he would be in charge of it and would make sure we got there by the quickest route. He asked for a test drive and insisted on taking Abby for the drive around the BLOCK! It is amazing how cars can get the men in our home to come alive! They were all outside checking every feature there was and doing their test drives around the block. It was like Christmas around here tonight and the boys were trying to change my mind about getting a sporty car to replace my van. Needless to say - NO SALE. But it was lots of fun watching them have so much fun together.

I was so blessed today to be able to spend an extra hour in adoration. I was scheduled from 3 - 4 PM and the next person was not able to come, so I stayed the extra hour. Two full hours of praying and talking to Jesus, and listening for answers. It meant that I had to stay an extra hour at work to make up the time, but it was so worth it. I felt recharged spiritually and I know I will need that for our trip and the long hours spent at the hospital. I don't mind the drive up there. I have always loved driving on trips, so that part is something I actually look forward to. It's the long hours sitting in hospitals. My heart and prayers go out to those who have had chronically ill family members, who have spent many more hours than we have in hospitals. It is a lesson in patience.

I forgot to mention that Paul tried to actually 'run' this week. It was a very tough thing for him to do as he had a headache and the day was exceptionally warm. The pounding of his feet on the ground is not very comfortable for him, but he really wanted to see how well he could do. I asked if he was able to go very fast and he said, "Let's just say that Jerry kept up with me and he was basically walking." I congratulated him on his effort and he said that he will keep trying, but he was looking forward to working out with the bicycle. It was a smoother motion for him and safer. He said he really feels unsteady when he tried to run and he would surely not fall out of the seat as he worked on his stationary bike. He knows he needs to build up his endurance again. One more time he is having to regain what he lost after the last surgery. I love his determination though. Amazingly, today he said that he would not mind another surgery if it meant they were actually going to stop his headaches. He would gladly do it again if he had the reassurance it would do something. He still trusts that they will find the answer to his pain.
I also have trust that God is getting us to that day when Paul will find relief. He has shown us so often that He is helping Paul carry his cross. How thankful I am that God has shown us consolation along the way.

God bless all of you and your special intentions today. We will pray most especially for you as we say our rosary while we travel. Paul is very much aware that your prayers have carried us along this far. Thanks be to God for all of you.

Love,
Jon and Rebecca

GPS

Yesterday morning I realized it was 6/11, exactly 19 months since Paul's accident. I am not sure where we are on this 'walk to California', and like the road maps will show, there are thousands of ways to get there! We are definitely on the scenic tour and it doesn't always feel like we are on vacation!!

Every once in awhile, God will help me see the direction. When I feel like I am on a back road, in the dark, and it's raining and my car is hovering on empty, He helps me become aware of His presence. One More Time. He has his hands full with me. The next time you are wondering where He is when you call out to Him, know he is probably having to help me get back on the main highway!

At Mass yesterday morning, a woman we know asked Jon to pray for her neighbor's son who was in the hospital with a brain injury from a skateboard accident. He had a brain stem injury and it appeared there was no brain activity. He is 21 yrs old and has a younger brother who is 18 and has just graduated from high school. We could relate so heavily with this story and we prayed for this young man and his family. In the evening, Jerry dropped Paul off at my office so that we could get over to the sports store and get a stationary bike machine for Paul. Before he and I drove away, we prayed for this young man and asked God to heal him. Before I went to bed last night, I was praying again for this young man. Today, at Mass, when we can speak aloud our intentions so that others will pray with us, Mary asked us all to pray for the Lewis family, as their son Matthew had died yesterday. I could not help the tears that started to pour out. It was again, a very sad story of another young person dying and the affect it will have on their family and friends. I could not help thinking, that is 4 young people now who have died since Paul's accident. Four people we have been asked to pray for and they have not lived. I looked at Jon and he had tears in his eyes. I leaned over and said, "Why Paully? I don't feel worthy at all to have been blessed by God with such abundance." I prayed silently that I could somehow be worthy of all the love God has shown us. It was after I received the Eucharist that the words came to my mind, " Just Be My Love."

I need to go back to an instance that happened yesterday that will give those words more meaning. I had a day of worry about Paul because he woke up and was so dizzy he could not stand very well. Jerry called me at work (he thankfully had the day off and was able to stay with Paul and I could go to work) and said Paul was really off. He was sluggish and had trouble standing without support. We discussed some of the things we thought might be the problem and decided to get him to eat and drink plenty of fluids and would watch him closely. If it became an issue of vomiting or other symptoms, I would get him to Charlotte. A few hours later, Jerry said he was walking around and was doing better, but was a little shaky. I went home in the early afternoon to check on him and he was finally looking like he was recovering from whatever the problem had been. He was walking around on his own and didn't even need to wear his sunglasses. He had a good rebound and so I headed back to work. As I came to a section of the road where there is a split and you can take a lane that moves you to the next intersection or you can take the lane that feeds you back to a highway, a car moved over right in front of me and so I slowed down. I was still thinking about Paul and the next doctor appointment and was it his diet that might be the problem (yes, we still go into battle mode at times to get him to 'acquiese to our request' to eat a more healthy diet) and we really need to get his excercise routine going again and a dozen other thoughts........and then I noticed the person in front of me was stoppping. In the middle of the road, with a reason I could not comprehend since we were between 2 medians and there was no place to go but forward. I stopped and was wondering what had happened and then I realized she was putting her car in reverse! There was really no place for me to go and I didn't understand what in the world she was thinking. She kept coming at me and I started to get angry and honked to let her know I was behind her. She kept coming. I glanced back to see where I could go and there was a car coming towards us, but was a good distance back. I was very mad as I put my car into reverse because it went against my good judgement to back up on a one way ramp and being a claims adjuster, I was not in the mood to report my own claim! Our office is busy enough - we don't need any more claims! The woman wanted to back up to the point where she could get into the next lane over so she could get onto the highway. If she continued in our lane, she could still make a right turn up ahead and still stay on course. Then the 'Stubborn' button got switched on in me and I decided I was not going to jepordize myself any more and I stopped. I honked and motioned for her to continue forward and said out loud, "You can make a right turn up at the light!" Like she would know what I was saying. I was upset with her for not being more logical about this and I was not going to move. If the car that was coming hit me in the rear, at least the accident would not be my fault. The woman realized I was not moving and she started to go forward again. She was driving about 4-7 mph and I really needed to get back to work, so once I was able to get past her, I moved out left to get around her. I glanced over at her as I went by and saw the sweet and gentle face of an elderly lady who could barely see over her steering wheel and she looked frightened. Pain shot through my mind as I realized I had missed an opportunity to be the Good Samaritan. She was lost, had no idea where she was and needed help, not someone behind her saying, "You can make a right turn up at the light!" I could not stop to help her now as there were other cars behind me and I had to keep going. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw she still didn't realize she could make a right hand turn and still get to the highway entrance. I felt so bad as I drove to work. I prayed so hard that a legion of angels would carry her back home safely. I knew I had failed another sister in Christ and the meanness of my actions really stung my heart. The incidence stayed with me, hovered over my spirit, the rest of the evening. As I sat in Mass this morning, and heard about Matthew's dying yesterday, I felt like it was connected to what I had done to that woman yesterday. I am not saying I caused his death, but I was so sad that I had not tended to someone who needed my gentleness as much as Matthew had needed our prayers. As I came back from receiving the Body of Christ, I prayed and said how I was so sorry. I thought to myself how I would not be surprised if Jesus left me because there was no room in my soul for Him to stay with me. It was then that the words I wrote above, "Just BE My Love" came to my mind. I will not ever be worthy of His love, but I am called to be His love - Each and everyday. I started to feel some peace in my heart and felt with assuredness that He is leading us, that there is a reason for Paul's life and He knows why. All I have to do is watch the road as He leads me. Don't miss the travelers along the road-the ones He has left here to continue to do His will. As I was reminded this morning by another woman, God brings us home at exactly the perfect moment.

As I drove home from Mass, I remembered that all this past week I had been woken up between 3 A.M. and 4 A.M. for a number of nights in a row. I feel that if I am woken up, I am being called to pray for someone and I leave the reason up to God. Mary will take my prayers where they are needed most. At these times, I say the Diving Mercy Chaplet. But this past week, I had the thought come into my head that I should get up and kneel as I prayed. The first night, I tried to rationalize that thought right back out of my head, but it stayed. So I got up. The second and third night it wasn't so hard. I knew God must really need these prayers for Him to ask me - a very weak person who can be grumpy when she hasn't had much sleep...........smile. Maybe it was for this family who lost their 21 yr old son yesterday. It doesn't matter. God knows why. I was happy to do it and was also glad I had been able to pray these prayers for great mercy to be shown - it actually seems like I am the one who needed them most.

As I drove home from Mass, I remembered that I had a very large framed picture in the back seat of my van. My mother had purchased this picture for me for my birthday back in December and my niece who just moved to Atlanta brought it with her in her car. My mother saw it at an estate sale while she still lived in Michigan and thought of me. She knew that it could be brought to me since there is enough traveling by family between Michigan and Atlanta. It finally was delivered to me yesterday after work. My niece gave it to my sister Bev, who works with me. Bev told me she would give it to me after work. She put it in the car and it is a picture of 4 butterflies that someone drew. There are 4 butterflies, each one in it's own square. I didn't really look at it at the time because Jerry was dropping Paul off at my office, pretty much at the same time. As I sat at a red light this morning, I glanced back because the large frame caught my eye. I looked and it hit me that there were 4 butterflies in that picture and there have been 4 young people who have died since Paul's accident. I got the picture on 6/11 - the 19th month anniversary of Paul's accident. Like these butterflies, their lives weren't very long here on earth, but they brought so much beauty into the lives of those around them.

Today, please keep the families of Jessica, Francisco, Daniel and Matthew in your prayers. I know they are all still suffering much pain. While we don't know them personally, they are no different than the little elderly woman I passed on the road. While they are strangers to us, they are in need of care and I get the idea that God would like us to take care of them today.

I will also be praying for that elderly woman who was in desperate need of a GPS. Of course, we all have one - you just have to say "God Please Steer!"

You know by now I always have to confirm my thoughts with a reading I come across while praying and so it is today.

"Gentleness is so far from being the opposite of firmness that it is in fact the only true strength. It dissolves every form of opposition. The strongest man is not he who dominates passion, his or another's, with a violent effort, but he who tames it with the gentleness of reason. The will stiffens when another would bend or break it, but relaxes in the presence of gentleness. Only gentleness wins battles without fighting them, and transforms foes into friends......

We must silence the tumult of the passions, master the blind reactions of instinct, and attain to the perfection of inward gentleness, before reality will look on us open-eyed, as a friend.....
The heaven-born spirit of gentleness penetrates with light the air we breathe and spiritualizes everthing it touches. Gentleness is daughter of the light." (Louis Lavell, Christian philosopher 1951)

This reading was in today's selections. God speaks, I listen.

Peace, Love and happy travels,
Jon and Rebecca

Fill 'er Up

Blessed be God

Blessed be His Holy Name

Blessed be Jesus Christ,

true God and true Man.

Blessed be his most precious blood.

Blessed be Jesus in the most Holy

Sacrament of the Altar.

This past weekend, I happened to look out the front windows in time to see a hummingbird come up to the feeder on the front porch. Unfortunately, there was no food in it yet as I didn't realize it was the time of year that they would be here. I remembered them coming a lot in the later summer, so hadn't prepared the feeders yet. I quickly set about cleaning the feeder and filling it with sugar water. I got so excited the hummingbirds were back that I even went to the store and bought another feeder for the back porch. The back porch feeder can be seen from my kitchen window, which is where James and I watched them last August. I was ready to go and watched throughout the rest of the day to see if word was out on the street that the "Fidero feeders were full". It is Wednesday and I am still waiting to see one and have great hope that they will come back.

I was thinking about how this all related to the way I have been feeling in the last few weeks. I have been basically................spiritually dry. I started to realize that it was because I hadn't made the attempts lately to fill myself up. Yes, I admit it.........I have become pretty lazy and have lost some of the discipline it takes to keep myself filled. I have gotten so undisciplined in attending Mass every morning, or sitting in adoration like I used to, or praying my daily rosary I have no excuses. I have allowed my mind to come up with rationalizations for not doing the things I know will help me have a more perfect love of God and in turn, the peace of our Lord, Jesus. These lazy patterns have a sneaky way of creeping into my life..........which is how satan works in our lives.

So, thanks be to God, I had scheduled an adoration time about 2 weeks ago and the time I scheduled was for Monday night at 8 P.M. I knew that if we had any emergency with Paul, James or Michael would be able to go for me. I have to be careful about scheduling time since we could be at a hospital. Life is a lot more unpredictable than it used to be. So, I was very blessed that this time was available because it was in the evening and it would be an easy time for any of us to fill, if something came up with Paul. As it turned out, an even greater blessing was in store. Paul wanted to go with me. We were just beginning our hour's adoration and I whispered to Paul that I loved him and may God bless him. I was on his left side. He leaned over and with a big smile on his face he said, "I heard that.........my hearing aid works. Isn't it great?" I smiled back and said, "Praise be to God. He is good." Paul then asked me to say a Hail Mary with him. I reminded him there were other people in the chapel and our whispering would be disruptive to others. He said, "Then just mouth it and I will pray with you." So he held my hand and we 'mouthed' the Hail Mary together. He smiled and then turned away and faced the Blessed Sacrament. I was overjoyed in the moment and thanked God for the blessings of Paul's life and the graces it has brought our family. The best part was still to come. After about 20 minutes, the other people in the chapel left and after about 2 minutes of just Paul and I being in the chapel, someone else walked in. For some reason, I turned to look to see who it was, which is something I rarely do. It was Michael. He had come to join us. I turned back around and looked at the statue of the Blessed Mary and thanked her for helping to bring my son to pray. I then thanked Jesus and begged Him to look with great mercy on my sons and to lead them to their highest good. I thought about how the most awesome gift I can give to my family is time spent in prayer for them. I thought about how lazy I had become and how our family has been struggling emotionally lately and knew that Jesus had called me to Him to remind me of my commitment to my children and to this world. As one person, I can't change any of the bad in this world except through prayer. My little prayers can be joined with the saints in heaven and the church here on earth and my prayers can then make a difference.

I can help 'feed' the world, but I have to stay full myself before I can do that. I need to stay fed spiritually - through the Eucharist, through prayerfulness and through the sacraments. Thanks be to God, I was reminded of that again, while in the presence of Jesus.

Yesterday, I was on my way to the doctor to see what was causing some severe shoulder/hip pain. I called Paul to see how he was doing, since he has been really 'off' these past 2 days. His memory has been terrible and he has complained of bad headaches again and really bad ringing in his ears. I felt so bad about not being with him, but I really needed to get some help with my physical problems since it impacted how well I could care for my family. He said he was okay and that he had even fixed the tape on his eye by himself. It would be fine until he got home from work. I told him that I wished I didn't have to work and that I could take better care of him. Just that morning, I was late to work because I had a tough time waking him up. He was sleeping so soundly that he didn't even move after Abby licked his hand. I tried to wake him and he was very lethargic. I debated about waking him up, as he had had a bad day the day before and I couldn't decide if he was ill or just exhausted. I wanted him to get the sleep he needed, so I waited until 9:15 to wake him. Judy had come over to get him for Mass, but we decided it was better to let him sleep. Thankfully, that was the correct decision because he woke up much more refreshed and was a lot more coherent than the day before. He was really forgetful and was kind of 'zoned out' the previous day, so it was a relief to see him in better shape. He has not really recovered fully from his last surgeries. He is still struggling with memory problems we didn't notice before and he seems sluggish in a lot of ways. I really hated that I had to get to work and had to drop him off at his job. Usually, I only see him in the evenings and I worry that I might miss something important. Anway, I was on the phone with him as I drove to my doctor appointment and when I said I was sorry I could not always physically be there to help him, I was always praying for him. I said it was a great gift that there are cell phones and email capabilities in our world. It helped me be with him in other ways. He said, "You are my internet cheerleader!"

I got a good laugh from that and then immediately thought about the blog. Everyone who has joined us on this site has been an 'Internet Cheerleader' and we thank you over and over again. This connection with my brothers and sisters in Christ has been one other way that keeps me 'filled spiritually.' May God bless you all.

I would like to ask you to pray for a successful surgery for Gabriel. I have mentioned him before - he too has suffered a brain injury and has been unable to walk since his accident. He was a passenger in a vehicle that was hit broadside 2 years ago. They are attempting one more surgery on his legs so that he can walk. They are not paralyzed, but he suffered damage to his legs in other ways (I am not sure of the complications). He has had some other major surgeries on his legs, but has not been able to walk yet. They are really hopeful about this new doctor and what he is going to do. Thank you for your prayers. Paul and Gabriel know each other now and they pray for each other all the time.

I haven't seen a hummingbird yet. But, as I was walking into work Tuesday, there was a Gray Heron on the roof of our building at work! It took my breath away as it sat so majestically, looking out over the landscape. There is a large pond by our office and after a few moments, it swooped down to the other side of the pond. I stood there in total amazement. As I got to the other end of the building to go inside, there was a little bird on that corner of the roof and it's song was beautiful. I stood looking at it, then I smiled as I thought that God was maybe letting me know He was glad I had realized I had fallen off in my prayer life. I responded with "Fill 'er Up!"

When I got inside I was telling my sister I had seen a Heron and she said she had seen it too as she was in the office on the corner where the Heron was and from those windows was able to see it swoop down to the pond. I was glad I had someone who could confirm what I saw!!

To you, O Lord, I lift my soul.

In you I trust: let me not be put to shame,

let not my eneies exult over me.

No one who waits for you shall be put to shame;

those shall be put to shame who heedlessly break faith.

Your ways O Lord, make known to me;

teach me your paths,

Guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my savior.

Good and upright is the Lord;

thus He shows sinners the way.

He guides the humble to justice,

He teaches the humble his way.

May your spirits take flight on the path of our Lord.

Love,

Jon and Rebecca