Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Play Me A Song

We had a meeting with the lead therapist at Shepherd Pathways yesterday. We had one last week, so I was a little surprised to have them call us in again. It was to get better clarification about Paul's goal in regards to returing to school. We learned that Paul had some concerns about going back to school and so we were called in to figure out the best way to attain the goal of his returning to college. We were glad to see that Paul was discussing his feelings about his future. The therapist wanted to make sure that we were all on the same page before she started to undertake the task of getting Paul back into school. When she talked to Paul, he seemed very uncertain about going back to school. He had a number of reasons why he didn't think it was the right time. But after we all discussed the obstacles he stated, we all decided that he would audit a class this next semester so that the discipline would be learned first. Then he can take classes for grades. It will make it an easier transition for him. It is very important that he enjoys and understands the process first. He decided he would go back to GSU because he was familiar with the campus. Also, his friend Gabriel attends GSU and they could share their experiences. Gabriel has been back in college for a year and is doing well taking 5 classes. He is so enthusiastic about being back in college and that positive attitude will help Paul as he begins his life again on a campus.

We found out that his reading comprehension is in the high range of 'above average'. That was the one area they needed to check since he will need to understand the material presented to him. They will now focus on other areas to see where he will be eligible for any special needs that the university can offer through the department that helps students with disabilities. The day long neuro-psych evaluation will not be done until next Spring, since he is only auditing a class. Since the test is done once a year, the therapist would rather wait until he has gotten back into college and his brain has continued to heal. That way, when he takes his first classes for grades, they will have a recent evaluation to give the university disability department. They will have an accurate assessment of his special needs at that time.

We were also told that the therapist who has a music degree worked with Paul and was very impressed with his knowledge of music theory and even more excited to see that he has a very trained ear. Even with the hearing loss, Thomas said that Paul showed great ability to hear and analyze music. They talked about other areas in the music industry that Paul might be interested in, now that he doesn't seem to have the passion for performing. Paul said he was interested in researching the career paths available in the area of music. He still loves music, just doesn't have the desire to perform. He will always want to play, but not for others like he used to. After we talked about all this, it was suggested that Paul be given a series of tests that will help the vocational director provide a number of careers to Paul, taking into account his talents and interests. He was very agreeable about taking that approach to helping him set goals for his future. He feels so vague about what he would want to do. One problem is that he has trouble thinking of all the different careers. He has to be given choices. We have seen that he has trouble coming up with solutions on his own. He needs to have choices presented and then will ask everyone else what they think before he makes up his mind. Our hope is that he will become more and more independent in his problem solving and will find the answers without so much assistance in some areas of his life. We are encouraged with the progress we keep seeing and liken it to a turtle race.... Slow and Steady. It is just one day at a time, which of course, is all anyone has!

His guitar teacher said that he was very pleased with the progress Paul made in the last 2 weeks. He is playing more assuredly and quickly. Jon had mentioned to Paul that he was playing well, but not with feeling. He said that Paul immediately played the song again and did exactly what Jon had suggested. At the lesson, Paul was trying so hard to play it well and his teacher commented also that he was playing well, but without emotion. Again, he played it over and was able to do it with more feeling. There is so much to remember and while it will take some time, Paul will have his talent back and will have this gift for life. When God asks Paul to play a song, it will be Paul's prayer of thanksgiving to God. Once again, the question I posed to God, "To what point and purpose?" has been answered with great feeling and clarity.

May God's words to you today be music to your ears.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

As Time Goes By


October 16th
Happy Birthday
Paul - It's been 23
wonderful
years.

(Today's post comes
after these pictures.
I couldn't include them
this morning.)






Paul's
first birthday.

Looks like Jon
is ready to blow
out 23 candles
instead of just one.

























Looking cool........































































Very Cool...........

Psalm 23

I woke up this morning and thought to myself as I lay in the dark, Paul is 23 today. I tried to remember what I was doing at the same time (5 AM) 23 years ago. I remember that Jon was out of town and was due back around 10 AM. As he walked in the door, I told him that I was sure I was going to have 'our daughter' that day. We had been told that this child would be a girl. The technician who did the sonogram swore it was a girl. So, we had this baby's name picked out too. Her name would be Mary Catherine. Needless to say, we were shocked when the doctor announced "It's a boy!" I looked at Jon and the first thing I thought was.......we don't have a name. Three days later, we decided that since our first son was given his dad's first name, our second son would have his dad's second name - Paul. I married Jon Paul and now I had 2 sons, Jon and Paul.

As I continued to think about all this, the thought came to mind - 23rd Psalm. I knew right away which one it was because I had heard it so many times in my life. I imagine just about everyone knows it by now. But I felt compelled to get up out of bed, get my bible and read it.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want;
he makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death, I fear no evil.
for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff,
they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the
presence of my enemies;
thou annointest my head with oil,
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
____________

I reflected on these words and found peace - once again.
It is full of the promise of God's love for all of us. The valley of the shadow of death may denote the most severe trial or affliction, but the next words bring us comfort. For believers in God, it is only a walk through the valley, and they will not be lost in it. The promise is the mountain on the other side. God will tend to our needs as we walk through. Also, valleys are usually very green and fruitful. I can't help but think that while our lives take us through the valleys, it can be a time for great growth spiritually. In these times of sorrow or affliction we become very aware of the presence of God in our life. He lays us down in green pastures and He leads us beside still waters. I experienced this very vividly in the months following the accident. I was never so aware of God's peace and presence. I know that I have grown immensely in my faith and trust in the promise of God's love. The valleys should not be something to fear. They are paths of righteousness and God is with us. I visualized the path we have traversed and it has been fruitful indeed.

It reminded me of the time when I was also 23 years old. I decided to move to California from Houston and with $20 in my pocket and a gas credit card, I took off in my little red Toyota. God truly was by my side, as I was too young to think about the dangers of that trip! I didn't tell my parents until I was on my way. I knew every word they would say to me, so I waited until I was a good distance away before I had to have that conversation. ( To all young people who may be reading this..............it was a very thoughtless, reckless thing to do and it is by the grace of God I got there safely. It was a few months later that a co-worker told me about her friend's sister who did not make it safely.) But there is one vision I will never forget about that trip. As I was driving 50 m.p.h. through the desert in southern Arizona, in the afternoon on a very hot day in August, I was genuinely afraid about how alone I was. I had a gallon of water for my radiator and a gallon of lemonade for me. I was told to keep my heater running to help keep the engine cool. I had the windows down and the air blowing in the windows was no relief at all. I was praying like a mad fool, begging God to keep me safe and deliver me to the shores of the Pacific. It was about 5 P.M. and in the distance there seemed to be a long line of darkness on the horizon. I was not sure what it was, but as I kept driving I noticed that it was getting taller, ever so slowly. The highway was flat ahead of me and it seemed to go on forever. But this darkness on the horizon had my attention. After awhile I realized it was the mountain range that separated Arizona and California. Watching those mountains loom ahead of me made my fear lesson. I had a focus - I was almost there. I was within sight of my destination. Just like our 'dark valleys' in life, we are not lost in them, but our faith in God's promise to us, help us hold fast to the comfort of the mountain on the other side. As those mountains got closer and loomed higher above me, I felt no fear, but only pure joy. As my little car wound its way through the mountains, the air was very cool and I could enjoy the fresh air blowing all around me. I thanked God over and over for helping me arrive safely and for the beauty of those mountains. I was very much aware of the presence of God on that trip West. And I am very much aware of God's presence on this trip West with Paul.

The mountains are looming ahead of us. Paul is benefiting from his therapy at a place called Shepherd Pathways.............funny old world isn't it?? That he is at Shepherd Pathways on his 23rd birthday..........

We had a meeting with his therapists and they are very encouraged with the progress he is making. They told us about a group of optometrists who specialize in neuro patients who have suffered traumatic injuries to the eyes. They are making an appointment for Paul because they believe he will benefit from their experience. Paul's left eye has made great progress in keeping up with his right eye movements. He does his eye therapy everyday and uses only his left eye for computer work and reading. He wears sun glasses that have been taped on the right side, to force the muscles in the left eye to work harder. When he looks at me, he will stare for a moment and then says, "I see only one". It doesn't last a long time, but he is able to get the focus for a few moments.

His testing so far has shown he is working on at least a 12th grade level. There are more tests they will be running to get a full assessment of his cognitive skills. He will also be given tests to help him determine his talents, strengths and weaknesses. He can use this to help guide him into a career other than music if that is what he wants. He isn't sure about music, but we think it is because he feels inadequate with his playing ability. He plays slower than before, but his teacher feels he should be able to gain back his skills fairly quickly - maybe as little as 3 months.

He will finish his physical therapy this week. He is strong physically, but needs to get back to the gym for consistent workouts. He will be going to an office supply store this week to get a DayRunner organizer. They are going to work with him in scheduling his own time each day and not wait to be told what he will be doing next. He is going to write in his appointments and therapies, work schedules and social activities for the week. He will be working on telling us what his schedule is, not the other way around. They are trying to get him back to the days before the accident, where his life was his own and he made his own plans. The long term goal will be to get him ready for the battery of tests they will need to do to prove he is able to drive a car very safely. I know I will be praying like a mad fool again, the day he starts to drive again! I will have to keep the vision in my mind of God being his Shepherd, just as He was with me my long trip to the West.

This past weekend, Jerry took Paul to Birmingham to see the play, "Phantom of the Opera". Paul had a fantastic time and talked so much about the music. He really enjoyed the fact that the orchestra was right there in front of the stage. He said he could not help but watch the conductor as he synchronized the music to the acting. He was really fascinated by that. It is when he talks about music that I know he still has a passion for it. I think he is just overwhelmed with the whole concept of college. But God will be his Shepherd.

May goodness and mercy follow you as you dwell in the house of the Lord today.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

'Son'spot


It has been a very good week and we topped it off yesterday evening with this great sign of our hope. Mr. Sutherland found a beautiful classic guitar for Paul and the sound of it has filled our home. Paul has been practicing a lot and it is nothing but pure joy for me to listen to it each evening while I am getting dinner ready. Paul got the guitar on Saturday and on Sunday night I was upstairs in the hallway and heard him playing a familiar song. I couldn't think of the name of it, so I waited until he was done playing and I came downstairs and asked him what the name was. He said, "It's Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring. I want to learn it so that I can play it for the nuns at the Shrine." He told me it was not the song that he was assigned to learn. He will work on both of them though. We are very excited to take him back to the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament when he is ready! We hope to go in November. I just remembered that on Thanksgiving day, it will be exactly 2 years since Paul woke up from his coma. How awesome is God's time? In hindsight, I can see I had such little faith at the start of all this. I remember wondering what God was thinking of back then. Why would he give Paul the beautiful gift of music talent and then take it all away? I was so grateful Paul was alive, but later on, I really questioned why Paul had been given a great deal of talent, then to have it taken away. Paul was injured so badly that I really had my doubts that he might ever play again. Once he was able to verbalize more about all that hurt him, he pointed to his left arm and hand and said it felt numb and tingling. I remember it hurt him to have us touch his left hand, hence my questioning of his ability to play music again. Looking back, I can see that he has regained a good deal of his ability to play and I have gained the knowledge that praying without ceasing brings the peace of Christ, no matter what is happening. When I would be consumed with fear about the long term prospects for Paul, I would let it go and pray with great fervency until my heart and mind were at peace. I am the #1 worrier - ask Jon. He told me once that the day I quit worrying will be the day I die. God, in His mercy, has taken the last 2 years to teach me to let it go and let His will be done. I am a work - in - progress. But I can look back and see the growth. Praise be to God, I really needed some help to change my lack of trust.
Yesterday, we were driving home from Shepherd Pathways and it was pouring rain. Traffic was really bad because of 3 major accidents in the city and lots of cars from the freeways were taking any alternate route they could find. We were stuck in the side street traffic jams. It was a great time for Paul and I to talk about all the therapies he was receiving from Shepherd. He was talking about how they are using electrical stimulation therapies on his face to help with the muscle tone around his mouth. They taught him excercises to do at home too. He said that they also are working to help him gain more balance and use a number of different approaches to test where he has trouble. He said he can keep his balance very well when he places his right foot in front of his left foot. But he has trouble when his left foot is placed directly in front of his right. He has to walk with his eyes closed, with one eye then the other and then as he is turning his head from side to side. They have him looking at different objects around the room as he is walking. He said that it is very helpful and he has not complained once about how silly the therapy is. I remember him really ranting on about the silly things he had to do when he was at Emory, getting physical, occupational and speech therapy. He said they always talked to him like he was stupid. It made him very angry to have silly things to do, like cook a hamburger or organize the kitchen shelves. He made us laugh so hard once when he said they were using him to get some of their cleaning done for them. He didn't understand they were trying to establish a base line for his level of ability. He really hated those 5 weeks at Emory. Unlike that time, he is quite fascinated with what they are doing with him now. He seems to understand clearly, there is a point and a purpose to all this. He really wants to gain his independence and sees this will be a necessary step in achieving that goal.
So yesterday as we drove home he talked about how much he hopes that he will have full function of his eye. He prays so much for the recovery of his facial nerve. As we came into the neighborhood, we were praying for the full deal. We prayed that God would bring the recovery of his facial nerve and also for his hearing to return. I mentioned that we would not limit God and we placed it all in His loving hands. We prayed for the strength to accept God's answer, no matter the outcome. As we pulled into Jerry's driveway to get Abby, the picture above is what we saw. God is too awesome in my opinion. Paul and I sat there watching these rays of sunshine as the rain kept pouring around us, glistening in the light. God will lead us on His pathway and will light the way for us to see His glory.
Jesus, He is our heart's desiring. Amen.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

In The Shadows
















( I wanted to get this posted yesterday, Oct 2, but had to wait until Jon could save the picture I needed from my camera. As always, had to wait for some technical support!)

October 2, 2007

Today is the feast of our Guardian Angels. It follows the feast this past Saturday of the Archangels St. Michael, St. Raphael and St. Gabriel. I have remembered, most especially today, how our nephew James, calmly stated to his mother, "My angel just left me to go to Paul" as they were praying in the hospital chapel the night of Paul's accident. On their way home, hours later, James just as calmly stated, "My angel just came back and Paul is going to be fine. There are a lot of angels in his room." It was absolute confirmation for me that we are guarded by angels throughout our lives and that we have any number of them entrusted to our care. I heard it said that when you say a prayer for someone, an angel is sent to their side. I'm surprised there was room for all of those that must have been sent that night, as there were so many brothers and sisters in Christ who offered up a prayer for Paul and our family!

Yesterday was the feast of St. Therese of the Child Jesus. In the early morning, I was praying the rosary and noticed a sun spot on the wall opposite me. It was low on the wall, below the picture of Jesus. I thanked Him for the little signs of His presence and smiled as I read, "Unless you change and become like little children, says the Lord, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. (Mt 18:3) I thought about how children are not too busy in their lives to stop and notice all the wonders of God's world around them. They are so much more observant and are so easily enthralled with all that God offers us in nature. It is always so enjoyable watching a child discover something new and how they intently observe it. Like a child, I sat contentedly and observed this beautiful ray of light as it moved ever so slowly and how the room continued to be illumined by the rising sun. I was so happy that I didn't miss this ray of light, nor the solitude of the moment. Some minutes later, I decided to go into our dining room to look out the windows of the french doors, as that is where the rays of the sun were coming in. It was a very serene picture before me - how the sun came filtering through the trees. After a few more minutes, I turned to leave and noticed how the sun was also casting shadows on the wall as it came shining through the branches of the trees. My eye was then drawn to another shadow on the wall. It was caused by a statue I have of the Holy Family that was given to me years ago by my sister Mary Beth. I felt so blessed to be present at this exact moment to catch the shadow it cast. There was the Child Jesus raised high by Joseph and Mary – the focal point of the shadow. It was my visual aid to confirm we need to remain in constant awe of the amazing signs of God's love in our lives, just like children. Their examples of complete trust and joyful hope are what God wants us to have. As adults, we have suffered so many disappointments in our lives, that somewhere along the line we lose those child-like qualities. The real gift is to regain that trust and hope and continue to persevere in our attempt to accept that God will answer our prayers. Like children, we need to hold onto our trust in God, waiting in joyful hope for Him to lead us closer to our real home in heaven. But as adults, accepting the truth that our prayers will be answered in His way and in His time. I continue to learn these lessons of truly accepting that some of God’s answers will be known and some won’t. Some answers are immediate and bring joy, others are long awaited and not the answer I had preconceived. Most importantly, if I strive to completely trust in God’s love for me, I won’t despair because the answer will bring greater love of God and the graces needed to become more virtuous.

Each week, we see new ways that Paul continues to improve. His humor is becoming more and more like himself and he continues to remember more of his past. He gets so excited when he realizes that he has recovered more or relearned something. Today he was thrilled that his lower eyelid actually quivered as he struggled to make the left side of his face respond. He also felt the left side of his nose move and I was able to see it at the same time. We both responded at the same time. I said, “I see it moving!!!” and he stated excitedly, “I feel it moving – do you see it?!!” It is so much fun to be with him when moments like that happen.

He attends Shepherd Pathways 3 times a week and said that they are doing so much with him. They have balance machines and exercises that help him gain confidence in his movements. They are working with him in his facial paralysis and teaching him exercises that will improve muscle tone. He is learning to speak so that he annunciates his words so he will speak more clearly. They are also doing eye therapy to help strengthen the left eye. Paul is going without the tape on his eye many more hours each week. He really wants to gain use of his eyes again. The best part is that he is really not experiencing such intense headaches. He will relate with such joy the fact that he didn’t have to take pain medicine for many hours at a time. Yesterday, it was 12 hours before he needed to take some Advil and he had really had a lot of eye exercises in his therapy sessions. Those exercises can bring on a headache because he is having to struggle to focus with both eyes, which are not working in sync at this time. So it was great news for him to get through the hours of therapy and not have an intense headache. He is very aware now of his progress in so many areas of recovery. He is keeping track of it and remembering it from day to day. If there is an area of high interest, he has no trouble remembering things from day to day. Other times, he can’t remember something from hours before, but that means it was not important to him and he didn’t commit it to memory. He knows that he is very forgetful and he will pointedly work to remember things when he wants to. He will repeat things to himself 3 to 4 times in a row and out loud as a way to remember a time or event. So he is really aware now of this limitation of memory.

His music is going very well. He works everyday at it and wants to show Mr. Sutherland that he remembers quite a bit. After this last lesson on Saturday, Jon said Mr. Sutherland was very encouraged about how much Paul remembered and said he expects Paul to be back on track within 3 months. At his first lesson, Paul was told to review the methods book by Christopher Parkening. At the second lesson, Paul showed he understood all that he reviewed. Mr. Sutherland said he was happy to see they could start much further along than he imagined. Mr. Sutherland said he is amazed at how far Paul has come in recovery, especially since he had last heard Paul would probably not live. It is amazing how much progress has been made and we firmly believe it was a result of all the prayers that have been lifted up by so many for these past 23 months. It is a miracle.

Jon and I were talking about the fact that in these last 23 months, we have been made aware of 5 people who have not survived their accidents that caused a brain injury. After Paul lived, we kind of thought that most people do survive and maybe it wasn’t as bad after all, as the doctors had told us. But now, we have become aware of the fact that a lot of people do die from brain injuries and with less impact than Paul experienced. It brings home the fact that God answers prayers, but always in His way and for His reasons. There is a point and a purpose always. We just may not know the reasons. That is our call to faith and trust. I don’t know why so many others have died in these last 2 years from their brain injuries. I believe though that Paul’s life and the huge amount of recovery is a miracle. I have asked myself more than once if I would have had as much faith, hope and trust in God if Paul had died. I can’t know for sure, but I would like to think so. I remember how I reached a point in those first hours where I honestly told God that Paul had been a gift to me from Him and so as a gift, I offered Paul back in thanksgiving for the love I shared with my son. I felt great peace in that. I believe that God would have provided the strength to endure that outcome also, just as He has provided all we needed to endure all these months of watching Paul suffer so much. We are always given what we need to complete God’s mission for us. Yes, I trust in that.

Paul is going to work on learning a classical guitar song so that he can go to the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament and play for the nuns. He hopes to go there very soon. A fine goal to be sure! The best part is that he set the goal himself.

“As Jesus and His disciples were proceeding on their journey, someone said to him, “I will follow you where ever you go.” Jesus answered him, “Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head.” And to another he said, “Follow me.” But he replied, “Lord, let me go first and bury my father.” But he answered him, “Let the dead bury their dead. But you, go and proclaim the Kingdom of God.” And another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but first let me say farewell to my family at home.” Jesus answered him, “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:57-62)

Following Jesus means to do it on His terms, so that the ‘favoring hand of our God’ leads us.
Your love is better than life dear Jesus, so I will sing your praise!

Love,
Jon and Rebecca