Hello Paully, Well Hello Paully, It's so nice to have you back where you belong

Paul and Richard with the new DTSi T-shirts










Lisa, Paul and Richard









Thursday, March 30

Yesterday brought more moments of clarity of thought for Paul. He was on the computer and he sent a message to Rick Rose, who responded that they are going to have a baby boy, which they just found out. Rick mentioned that they were thinking of using the name Paul as the middle name (which is Rick's dad's name). Paul sent the message back that for a small fee (3 trillion dollars, which would be a friend's discount) they could use his name for their child. Later, he called his brother Jon to see if he was really coming home this weekend, but first he teased him by asking if Jon would be able to help out with some of the medical bills that Paul has started to receive. There was a moment's silence, then Paul said "just kidding bro" and we could hear Jon laugh. A laugh of relief that Paul is back and that it was a joke! His humor was back on track and the tone was pretty much the same as before. Paul's humor is very dry and witty. Today, when I told him the therapist who was coming didn't really like our dog, she was basically afraid of Abby, he looked at me and said "Someone has issues." He understands conversations and responds pretty quickly when spoken to. I did notice that when he is really tired, or on overload, he will repeat the same thing he has said only moments before. He types with the same speed as before, and he will correct his spelling errors without any prompting. In fact, his attention to detail seems to be magnified. He will point out things that no one else will notice - that a button is not buttoned on someone's shirt, or an object might be over the edge of the table just a little bit. He will be the first to notice that napkins haven't been put out on the table or that someone got up without clearing their plate, which is too funny since he never cleared his plate before, nor could he care less if anyone else did either! Today, I was looking for his sun glasses and he instantly saw them down in the family room on a magazine. I had not noticed them because they blended in. Also, I said I had to find my cell phone and he told me exactly where he had seen it. Some amazing instances - which I don't know if this is a phase or if he will continue to be like this.

He had also been on the internet with Richard Watson, the owner of DTSi, where Paul worked. Mr. Watson asked Paul if he was ready for the computer he had promised him if he made it through all this and Paul said he was. So, Mr. Watson and Lisa Hanrahan came over and we had a wonderful visit with them. Mr. Watson brought the latest styles of DTSi T-shirts. There was also a Survivor T-shirt. He gave them to Paul and told him he could stay busy growing into the size large!

The appointment with the neurologist was yesterday and we were told that his headaches may continue for up to a month, but that we needed to watch the over all trend of them. The intensity of them stays in the range of 4-6 on a scale of 1 to 10. Tylenol does help them. The doctor was not sure why Paul has such sensitivity to light now, and since we had an appointment with the opthamologist today, he said we should ask about that. It may be due to the headaches, which would be like migraines. If the headaches continue past the next few weeks, we will consult a specialist (neurologist) who deals with headache pain. We are also going to an endochrinologist to make sure Paul's thyroid level is correct, as his hands are really cold and his fingernails are more bluish than pink. It might also explain the continued fatigue.

The appointment with the opthamologist actually brought disappointing news. Paul was not able to see very well at all out of his left eye and there is some drying and irritation of his cornea. The doctor said we have actually done a great job of keeping his eye as healthy as it is given the circumstances, but Paul now needs to see a different doctor with the group tomorrow morning at 8:20. It is a consult appointment to help determine what can be done about the paralysis, if anything. After talking to this specialist, we will be able to compare notes with our friend who has taken her son to Washington University Hospital in St. Louis, and see if Paul would be better served there. Please pray for the guidance to get Paul what is needed to help restore his eyesight to the fullest possible recovery. It is the next area of concern that needs to be addressed. Then, down the road we will need to get help with repairing his ear, which has some damage to the middle section.

The therapists did not come this week as we expected because the therapist who was supposed to do the evaluation was in a car accident. She is okay now, and will be here tomorrow. Then the other therapists will come next week. It may have been a blessing anyway, since Paul has been very tired all this week. He does need to get back on track though, since that is what will build endurance.

He is slowly getting back to eating, but only with lots of begging. He is never hungry, and does not want to eat when asked. We have to remind him how important it is and it will be the best thing he can do for himself. After 10 minutes of explaining why we want him to eat, he will eat about 4-5 bites and then say he is full. This remains another area of concern. There does not seem to be an answer for this. I try not to get frustrated with him as he cannot help any of this. God is fully aware of this issue and I have placed it in His hands for guidance.

Paul's memory was not as sharp today, he must have 'turned off his engine' to allow for more repairs to be done. We sure did have 4 really great days though and I am so grateful to God that we saw more of Paul than ever before and for this length of time. It was terrific and very relieving. I realized today that Paul's first moment of real clarity came on the Feast of the Annunciation, where it all began with Mary's saying YES to God's request to be the Mother of our Lord, Jesus Christ. As I thought of her and her response that was given with great trust, I remembered very vividly the intensity of that moment when I had to say Yes to all of this. Yet, look how many joypus moments there have been and all the levels of recovery we have been granted! I have started to share some of this with Paul so that he will see how God's hand has been in this. He will be able to draw from all of this to find the courage to also say Yes to God. Today, there were 3 pennies in the door handle on Paul's side of the car. Another opportunity to say Yes to God, I trust in you.

Peace to all of you, brothers and sisters in Christ.
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Thank you so much for your prayers for Paul and for Marie's sister, Diane. Look how far we have come! The other night we started to say the Rosary and Paul said he would lead the Second Sorrowful mystery. Michael usually doesn't lead us in prayer, but after Paul did, he said he would lead us in the Third Sorrowful mystery. Paul said, "Hold it just a minute" and he got up and walked over to Michael and hugged him and said "You are one great brother, I love you" and then sat back down and we continued. Jon and I just looked at each other with great joy. Talk about a heart that was ready to burst!

Let It Be

Joseph Tarantino, Courtney, Bev and Joe Rickels, Stephanie Rose, Paul, Jon and Michael - Sunday afternoon visit






Stephanie Rose, Paul, Jon and Michael











Tuesday Afternoon

The morning sky was gray and it has rained on and off for most of the day. Paul seemed to be hiding behind the clouds also. He did not want to get up and could barely keep awake after getting a bath or breakfast. I was very worried about his lack of energy and we now have an appointment with the neurologist tomorrow morning. I didn't think we should wait until next Tuesday for the regularly scheduled appointment. I will no longer wait to see if things will improve with time, as we have ended up with pneumonia and a build up of fluids on the brain.

Around noon, Paul was finally a lot more alert and he came downstairs to wait for the physical therapist visit. We sat talking and he continued on his new routine of asking a lot of questions about his accident and work and school. The one amazing thing he started to talk about was how wonderful his family is. He kept apologizing for having the accident and causing us all this trouble. I let him know that we didn't consider it trouble, but an awakening to the holiness God wanted from us and the growth in our trust and faith in Him. Paul said, "You are an incredible mother, the best one anyone could have." I said it was easy to be since I had one incredible son. I am not including this to pat myself on the back - not in the least. It was his next statement that made me tear up and thank God for the beginning of a new recovery stage. He went on to say, "Actually, you are the second most incredible mother. The first one is the Blessed Mother." I then took the next 30 minutes to share some of the miraculous things that have happened since his accident to let him know that the Blessed Mother truly had her arms around him and continues to surround him with love and protection. He kept saying how awesome all this has been and then told me again how much he loved his brothers. I remembered the little book that we kept in the waiting room where people had written their thoughts. I told him he would really enjoy reading all the loving things that were written. He read them out loud and then after about 45 minutes of his reading these out loud to me he stopped and looked at me. He said he cannot believe he has such a wonderful family. He started to name all his aunts and uncles and cousins and said that we have a really terrific family. It helped him so much to see that his family and friends were praying for him. Yesterday he was really starting to say things that showed he was experiencing some really emotional lows. I kept reminding him that God has a purpose for all things. I reassured him that even though his head, with all the scars, and his eye that has a patch on it seemed like there was a lot to overcome, I told him how far he has already come and to stay focused on his recovery. Today, after reading some of the comments on the blog and that book filled with loving words and encouragement, Paul seemed to be at much greater peace than yesterday. As he was laying down to take a late afternoon nap, I reminded him that November 11 was the day our family was allowed to see God's love more clearly through all our brothers and sisters in Christ who have surrounded us since then. I also told him about how important that number has become. 11/11 was our new beginning, 1/11 he came home from the hospital, 2/11 was the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes and his healing Mass with the Archbishop, 3/11 was the first rosary walk we have been able to participate in since October and he was with us! He sat quietly for a moment and then asked if I remembered that he had the number 11 on his jersey while playing baseball. I said I did not and he said it was actually his favorite number for a long time. He then chuckled and said it was also Laura Batchelor's number on her jersey. That was his very first 'girlfriend' in middle school.

Paul is starting to do things on his own, without us prompting him. Today, as we were talking about his being in the school of music, he said he can hardly wait to get back to playing classical guitar. He remembered his professor's name and the day that he had lessons with him. He then got up and walked to the piano. He warmed up a little bit then spent some time trying to figure out a song. Then he played "Let It Be" all the way through! On Monday evening he got up and picked up his dad's other guitar and started to play along with his dad. Even in our conversations, he is initiating it more each day. He doesn't wait to be spoken to and he is telling us what he is thinking and feeling, rather than sitting there waiting to be asked everything. He is also speaking his mind just a little bit more. Up until Sunday, he would respond only with a yes or no thanks to everything we would ask. Or if we asked how he felt, his simple response would be OK, or not good, but no elaboration. Now he is saying how he feels and then uses some kind of analogy to help us better understand. Like last night, he told his dad his head was really throbbing, like someone with steel boots was dancing on his brain. That definitely let us know he needed a medication a little stronger than 2 Tylenol to knock that one out! His brain is very slowly waking up and the excitement of his brothers is so high they are driving home this weekend. It will be the first time that all 4 brothers will be together since Christmas. Not only that, but the entire Fidero family will be together, as Marie Fidero is coming too! I have not seen my daughter in law since the wedding and I am on cloud nine today, knowing that they are coming.

Monday evening Sharon Nixon brought us dinner and she prayed with the family for Paul and then on Tuesday evening, Patty Palmquist brought Paul chicken salad sandwiches - which were always Paul's favorites. The most incredible gift brought to us so far though was a relic of the Cross of Jesus. A priest at St. John Neumann had this relic and before he died he had given it to a family that was very dear to him. Patty knows them and so she asked if she could bring the relic to our house to pray over Paul and our family. So last night, we sat praying in the presence of this relic of the Cross of Jesus. As we were praying, my sister Bev and her husband Joe came in to visit and they too joined us in prayer. Their son had been sent to Kuwait that day and this was a very joyful moment for them, as we all prayed for the safety of Joseph and our other nephews, Michael Soignet (Marine) and Sean Deegan, (Army Ranger). I cannot believe the many gifts God has allowed us to receive since Paul's accident. We have the first class relics of St. Paul the Apostle, St. John Neumann in Paul's room and have had the relics of St. Faustina and St. Therese brought into our home. November 11th is truly a day that changed our lives but I thank God for the graces and gifts that helped us as we were gently being changed. It is a new pathway to be sure, but clearly it is the one intended for us. This lent has brought an ever new awareness of the sacrifice of Jesus at Calvary and a deeper love of the Son of God. Praise His holy name.

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Wednesday Morning

PLEASE PRAY FOR MARIE FIDERO'S SISTER, DIANE. SHE IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND THEY ARE TRYING TO KEEP THE TWINS FROM BEING BORN AT THIS TIME, AS IT IS STILL TOO SOON FOR THEM. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS FOR HER AND HER HUSBAND GLEN AT THIS TIME.
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Peace in Christ to all of you in this Fourth Week of Lent.
Jon and Rebecca

All Things Bright and Beautiful

Paul is continuing to recover from his surgery and we had a really great day on Sunday. His headaches were only around a 4 on a scale of 1-10. He had a wonderful visit with his brother on the telephone and it was obvious he enjoyed the call. I had told him that it was his Uncle Mike's birthday and he said "I should call that guy and tell him happy birthday". I agreed and dialed the number for him. He seemed very clear in his thinking and speech and I was beyond excited about how well he sounded. He seemed to be making progress in his clarity of thought and so we asked his Aunt Bev and Uncle Joe to come visit. I knew they would be thrilled to see the improvement I was seeing. His cousin Courtney also came by. Joseph Tarantino wanted to come over but teasingly said that after both the last 2 visits he made, Paul ended up in the hospital the next day! But he did stop by and had Paul laughing. Later in the afternoon, we were surprsed with a visit from Stephanie Rose, the younger sister of Nathan, who has been Paul's friend since they were 5 years old. She was driving by the neighborhood and called to see if it was okay to quick stop to see Paul, as she had not seen him since a few days after his accident. He recognized her and continued to enjoy all the company that was here for him. He was very chipper and was laughing a lot. Our hearts were bursting with joy, as this was all very new behavior from Paul.

Today though, we seem to be back to last week. He is experiencing a very bad headache and his stomach is very upset. He has hardly been able to stay awake and his hands are staying much colder than they were. I have placed a call to the neurologist to get his opinion. We were told that Paul should be feeling really well by Tuesday. Please keep him in your prayers today so that we can find a quick resolution to this problem. He is scheduled to see the home health care therapists tomorrow to continue his speech, physical and occupational therapies. He will have a follow up appointment with his neurologist on April 4th to get an evaluation and possibly a referral to an outpatient rehab facility. He will need to have the endurance and weight built up to be able to handle a more strenous routine.

One thing we are holding out for is our trip to Chicago for Easter, as stated before. We will get the opinion of our neurologist on April 4th. We will accept whatever is best for Paul, but we remain hopeful that we will be with Kelly when she receives the sacraments of Baptism, First Communion and Confirmation that Holy Saturday. The way Paul feels today shows how hard it is to plan on anything much past a day. We know what the day will be like when Paul opens his eyes in the morning and we ask him how he is doing. Then we plan our day and have learned to accept it as it is.

I try very hard to just focus on the fact that we are one day closer to God's will and how our story will end! Saturday morning, that was the hardest thing I had to do, as Paul woke up very irritable and he did not want to cooperate for love or money. Speaking of money, a funny story about getting Paul to eat yesterday. I was desparate for him to eat a few bites of his lunch. I had made a roast beef sandwich for him and cut it into quarters. He ate 1/4 and I asked if he could eat at least 1/2 the sandwich. He said he was full and could not. I told him that I would pay him $10 to eat 1/4 more. He sat back up on the couch and said, "There's 10 bucks in my pocket". He took two bites of the sandwich and then he said, "You can keep your 10 dollars, I can't eat anymore". Jon of course had thought I was nuts to offer money to get Paul to eat and said he would have to get a second job if we were going to resort to paying Paul to eat..............smile. Later, Brendan Hanrahan came to visit and I was telling him that Paul really doesn't feel like eating and that even a $10 offer didn't help. Paul said, "I did eat half, so do I get $5?"

We have been listening to music by The Cambridge Singers conducted by John Rutter and at one of the songs, 'All Things Bright and Beautiful', Paul commented that he really was enjoying the music. After a few minutes, he said that music means so much to him. We are waiting for the day he will be back into the full swing of music. He told his Uncle Mike that music is everything and it is what it is all about! That was the first time Paul has spoken about music like he used to.

Your continued prayers are what helps us see that all things are bright and beautiful in God's world. We saw a bright light this weekend and it was beautiful.

Peace to all of our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Wind Beneath My Wings

Marcia and Amanda getting Paul ready to leave. These were 2 of the most incredible staff of medical professionals who have helped us since November 11. We have been blessed indeed. Paul's eyes will be sensitive to light for a few days, which is why his are closed. He does give his thumbs up sign which we were glad to see.








Abby Dog greets Paul with a sock - what a loyal and awesome dog!











There is no place like home.

After getting home yesterday around 2 P.M. Paul walked in and laid on the first couch in sight. I fed him through his tube and he slept for 2 hours without moving a muscle. I got him up so that he could get to his room and not be woken when Michael and Jon came in. He settled into his bed and again, fell asleep quickly. He woke up fairly refreshed and ready for more food. He had not had trouble holding down the food I had previously fed him, so I got him to eat some yogurt and fruit, then finished with a little more formula in the tube. He wanted me to read to him, so we continued with a book from the Chronicles of Narnia. The household was quiet by 9 P.M. and Paul slept until midnight. I asked how his head was feeling and he said it was about a 4 on a scale of 1 - 10. I decided to give him only a tylenol, to keep his stomach from getting upset with the prescription pain medication. I also fed him a little bit more formula and he slept until 6:30 A.M. I believe he would have slept longer had there not been the noise of Michael and Jon getting ready for school and work.

Michael came into Paul's room and told him he would see him later and then said "I'm out of here like the fat kid in dodge ball" and Paul actually chuckled out loud. He was feeling very good and I got him more food. He stayed awake for about an hour and at one point when he had gotten up to use the restroom, Abby was almost tripping him as she stuck by him. Paul sat on the edge of his bed and Abby brought him a sock to play tug with. He smiled at her, but then laid back down. He was feeling dizzy (and will for awhile) from the surgery and from laying down so much. Abby seemed to understand and went back to the foot of Paul's bed and laid there with the sock still in her mouth. She's will be ready for the next opportunity.

She has been very frisky since we have been home and gets all excited when Paul moves. It was so funny yesterday when we got home. I opened the garage door to go in that way and then opened the door to the family room. Abby met me there with a sock and bounded out to the car and waited by the door where Paul was, sock in mouth. She always greets us with whatever object was nearest to her (which is always socks in our house). I had my camera with me, so quickly got the picture I included today. It is a visual aid to how happy we all felt at our arrival home!

This morning, I again was given signs that God will not forsake us. As I opened the drawer to get a plastic baggie, there was a penny. I responded with "yes God, I trust in you." I went up and gave Paul his medicine and then took some clothes to the washing machine to catch up on laundry. I opened the washer and there at the bottom was another penny. I laughed and repeated it again, that I do trust in God.
I then walked into the living room and as I sat reading the comments posted on the blog site, the sun was reflecting off the mirror in the dining room onto my lap. The beveled mirror caused the light to be refected as a rainbow, which went across me. At this moment, all the stress of the last few days made me cry just a little. The statue of the Blessed Mother and the crucifix were directly in front of me on the opposite wall. I immediately thanked them both for staying with our family through all of this. Trusting in God does not mean that all sorrow and pain will be kept from us. It means that God will be there constantly and will lead us accordingly, if we allow it. He brought me the much needed rest last night, and a great peace this morning in the knowledge that He is with us. He will bring us everything we need in each moment if we just perservere in walking toward our REAL home.

I walked outside to the back deck and thanked God with my prayers, and was rewarded with birds chirping like crazy, white flowers opening on the dogwood trees and a cool breeze blowing gently through the trees while the sun filtered through them. God is the Wind Beneath My Wings. It doesn't get any better than these glimpses of heaven I have been allowed to experience.

We pray you receive the peace that comes from heaven today,
Jon and Rebecca

It Won't Be Long

Last night Paul asked me where I had slept the night before. I told him in the chair beside his bed. I said I had slept there the past 2 mights, then mentioned it was why I looked so tired and that I really hoped we would be going home soon. He said, "You sleep in the bed tonight and I will take the chair." I laughed and said, "Can you imagine what the nurse would do if she walked in and found me in the bed and you, who had brain surgery, was in the chair? She would drop kick me out the door!" He replied very matter of factly, "Not if I told her it was my idea." What a great son! Won't keep you in suspense..............I slept in the chair.

We just visited with the neurologist and he said that Paul has stabilized enough to be allowed to go home today. So, IT WON'T BE LONG until we head back to our family, dog and home! Paul was just told and he has perked up quite a bit. He smiled when I told him that Abby must have known last night because she was a lot more perky than she had been since Paul left. She followed me around the house with her teddy bear and was ready to play. When I told Paul about how she was behaving last night, he smiled and asked me, "What time do we get to leave?" I said they would like to see Paul eat some of his lunch and then he will be discharged. His nurse (who has been wonderful to him) has ordered a cheeseburger since the menu didn't have a selection she thought Paul would be interested in eating. This has been the consistent treatment we have received since we have been here. The staff at Gwinnett Medical is as terrific as they were in November. May God continue to bless all that they do!

We will have a couple of more return visits with this neurologist in the coming weeks. We are very comfortable and confident with this doctor, which provides us a lot of relief. We were hoping to travel to Chicago at Easter and I asked what would be a good time table to adhere to in even trying to plan a long drive for Paul. He said that since he will be seeing Paul a couple of times before then, he will let us know closer to the time. While it is ideal to let Paul lay still, at some point it is in his best interest to let him start to live life normally. We will proceed with great caution and as usual,will be content to leave this all in God's hands. If it is meant to be, then let it be. The reason we have even thought about a trip at this time is that my sister (in-law, but truly a sister!) will be baptized into the Catholic faith and we are nothing short of jubliant about it. To be present at that Easter Vigil Mass would be a wonderful blessing. Prayerfully we will wait for our answer.

Paul's headaches will continue for about one week, with the intensity dimishing each day. About a week after surgery he should be feeling good again. We will follow up with getting a feeding pump to maintain a steady flow of calories during the night to aid in the efforts of weight gain for Paul. My prayers for guidance continue as we work our way through this whole process of recovering. We learned that there are 2 stages to all of this and one is the recovery from Paul's trauma, which is still ongoing. Then we get into the stage of what is considered his actual rehabilitation. That is when the clock really begins towards the time frame for a fairly full recovery. We have been told a number of times that it is going to be a couple of years for Paul, due to the severity of his brain injury. Hence, my fervent prayers to God for guidance! I can't think in terms that long and am content in dealing with the here and now. Each day has bright moments and that is what I hold on to in getting me through the days. Sometimes I feel like it has already been 2 years! But looking back, am always amazed at our progress. While being in 4 hospitals in 4 months isn't too great a track record, I know God is guiding us along. All things in His time and in His way. Amen to that.

May God bless us all and make us "obedient sons and daughters of the Lord who created heaven and earth". Blessed Mary, our Fountain of Hope, lead us to your son.

Peace in Christ,
Jon and Rebecca

Hinds Feet on High Places

"God, my Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet swift as those of hinds and enables me to go upon the heights. " (Hb 3:19) I read this yesterday in the Magnificat Rosary Companion, at the Fourth Sorrowful Mystery. I remembered it again today and also remembered that I had read a book titled "Hinds Feet on High Places". That was a good book the first time I read it and after many years when I read it again,it had a whole different message for me. Today, this scripture reading had a very peaceful meaning for me, the second time I read it.

We definitely experienced the storm before the calm this morning. Paul's system has finally settled down and his fever seems to have subsided for the time being. He finally fell asleep at 2:00 p.m. and has been sleeping soundly. He woke a moment ago and as I stood to check on him, he said "Stay where you are, I'm okay." This is terrific as he realized immediately where he was and even though I was sitting out of his view, he remembered where I was located in the room. He was very coherent and is now back sleeping soundly again. Thank you for your prayer petitions, as God is lending a helping hand.

As Paul slept I sat praying and thinking about all the pain he has endured these past months. He has been so gentle in spirit and yet has remained strong in his efforts to regain his life. God's hand is at work in this wonderful young man and in my prayers today I had to thank God for gracing me by sending Paul as my son. So many lessons I have learned and I imagine there are so many more to learn. But as the scripture passage reminds us, God will enable us to go upon the heights.

The comic relief of the day came when Jon brought me some lunch, as I had not eaten since last night, nor had I had time to even leave the room since then. I had called him around 11 a.m. and asked if he would stop and maybe get me a hamburger. I knew it needed to be a quick stop for him, as he was going to have to travel a fairly good distance to bring me something. He walked in and handed me the lunch. I won't ask you to quess what it was..............it was so strange...............he handed me a Happy Meal from McDonalds. I am laughing again as I type this. I asked him what possessed him to buy me a Happy Meal! At this point, even Paul started to 'snicker'. He was smiling and we could hear a very soft laugh from him. Jon said with a perfectly straight face, "you asked for a hamburger and I thought you would like a drink too and since that all comes with a Happy Meal I got you one." I looked inside and laughed even harder as I pulled out my toy. It was a long, green haired girl troll doll with comb. I commented that it was a girl troll doll and the next line Jon stated had me laughing even harder. He said he had been asked if the Happy Meal was for a girl or boy and he said he told them it was for his wife!! Bet the employee at McDonald's drive through is still laughing too.) I thanked him for bringing me lunch and a great laugh. A bit later, he picked up the doll and made a few jokes about it to amuse Paul, which it did and then he put it on the IV stand fore entertainment for the nurses. We did have a 'Happy Meal!'

Before Paul's surgery yesterday, a nurse came back into his room to get me to help them get Paul to speak to the pre-op nurses. He doesn't talk to strangers much and he was using more of sign language than verbal responses. Most of this is because his head was hurting so bad, he just doesn't feel like talking, so he doesn't. After I gave them the answers needed, I was told I could stay in the pre-op area with Paul until he was taken to the surgery room. As we were sitting, I as looking at my hands and noticing that they were very dry from all the times I wash them since I don't want to pass any germs to Paul. Paul has started to ask me a lot about what I am thinking. He looked at me looking at my hands and asked me what I was thinking. I told him that I was noticing how dried out my hands were and then I was reminded of a time when I was in Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament and I noticed a picture of Blessed Teresa's hands and I prayed that my hands would serve God as well. I thought that if my hands looked like hers at my death, it would be good as long as I had been a good servant of the Lord. I told Paul that I was not complaining about my hands, because in taking care of him, I was getting to be more like Blessed Teresa. And the most awesome thing was that God had made that part easy - I was getting to serve the Lord by serving my own son. How awesome was that? Paul pulled his hands out from under the blanket and looked at his. He then said his hands didn't look like that. I told him that it was because he had musician's hands and that he was supposed to bring music to God's people as a way of serving. He looked at his hands for a moment longer, then put them back under the blanket and closed his eyes. Another moment that I will hold dear to my heart as Paul and I allow God to enable us to go upon the heights.

It is our hope and prayer that Paul will be allowed to come home tomorrow. His temperature is holding at 98 degrees and he is being started back on some food. It will be great if he can hold it down, which will enable him to gain more strength.

Peace to all of you in this day,
Jon and Rebecca

Tough Night - Tough Guy

Paul has experienced a really rough night and it has continued this morning. He is running a fever and has not been able to hold down the formula in his feeding tube. They have stopped the feeding to allow his system to settle down and will review what will work better. He has not had much relief from his headaches, which is to be expected. Even with morphine and Lortab, he was not sleeping very well through the night. He is resting a bit more comfortably after getting rid of the food in his stomach this morning, but he lost all the medication that had been given to him. They are waiting for an hour or so and then will give him another dose.

We have not seen the doctor yet, but I am sure Paul won't be released today, since he does have a fever.

It has amazed me how strong Paul has been through all of this. The fact that he tried so hard to work through his therapies these last few weeks, with all that pressure building up in his head, then the pain he is experiencing after his surgery, it is an incredible effort on his part. He does not complain, but his eyes show how much pain he is in.

Please continue to pray that the doctors and nurses will be lead to bring Paul the comfort he needs to get more rest.

Thank you so much for your continued support. I will update this at the end of the day and hopefully Paul will be past this curve in the road.

God bless your day,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Taking Care of Business

Paul has just been brought back from surgery. It took about 2 hours and there was another hour of recovery time. He is once again AWAKE AND RESPONDING! He asked us how long we had been waiting and we told him about 4 hours and he nodded that he understood. He came back all wrapped up in heated blankets and all we can see is his face. He smiled at a few comments of his dad's about his appearance and head dress. They have shaved his entire head, so back to high protein shakes to help it grow quickly. I don't imagine he will like the new look. I do know he will like the lack of headaches. He already seems more responsive and is quicker with his responses. The nurse noted it also. It will take a few days for all the fluid to be drained, it cannot all be done at once. The neurologist will release him tomorrow and he should be back on track by the beginning of the week. Paul won't have the feeling of needing so much sleep, which was a major hinderance for optimal therapy sessions. Now that we understand how much pain Paul was experiencing, it is amazing he was able to put forth the effort he did. He was trying to do his physical therapy and his excercises everyday and the only thing he would not give an effort in was eating. He just didn't want to fight that battle. I can't relate as I would be doing it in reverse - give a big effort with food and go to sleep at the mention of physical excercise....................smile.

We also had a consult with the dietician and they will prescribe a feeding pump so that Paul can be fed throughout the night to help him gain his weight consistently and with less stress on his system. We have been given so much advise and help while we have been at Gwinnett Medical that we are feeling very uplifted. I will not have to spend the better part of my day trying to get all the calories into Paul during his waking hours and we should actually be able to get more like 3000 calories into him, which most men in their early 20's do eat a day. They are researching formulas that will best suit his needs and will help fulfill his nutritional needs as well. They will also prescribe a nurse to visit us once a week to help maintain the incision site, the cleanliness of his feeding tube and check his vital signs so that any turn for the worse will be noted quickly. What wonderful good has come from all of this.

We are sorry about the delay in posting this, but the hospital internet was not working for my wireless today, so I am quickly sending this tonight while I am home getting things to go back to stay at the hospital.

I will try to get more out tomorrow while we wait for discharge information.

Today, I will say only this. I love our God. He has sustained us in our trials and has shown us His way and we are grateful to Him.

Love and Peace to all of you,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Gwinnett Medical Revisted

10:30 p.m. Monday

The neurologist who treated Paul the night of his accident will also be taking care of Paul this time around. He was glad to see Paul looking well and explained that they will do surgery at 11:00 A.M. Tuesday morning. They will put in an internal shunt that will not be seen and one we will not have to take care of in any way. It does mean that Paul will have some of his head shaved again, but my understanding is that it won't be a large area. (Paul never did like the last shave cut he had, and while he never said anything, he stared at his head each morning as if he was trying to figure out who would do such a thing to him.) We are very glad to know what has been causing his headaches, but were disappointed he has to have another hospital stay and more surgery. There go the pounds he had finally gained....sigh. He was up to 129.5 lbs from 117 a month ago. My hope is that he won't lose but a few pounds. In the whole scheme of things, Paul is still well on his way to recovery and we remain very hopeful that without his headaches, he will zoom back to the level he was and then keep on advancing.

Jon had to get back to the office today after we knew he would be admitted, and then came back tonight after work. I quickly went home to get things together to spend the night, as Paul does not like being alone when he is in a hospital. It is very hard for him to orient himself when he wakes at night. Tomorrow morning, I will be reminding him again where he is. Today he asked where he was after we had been in the ER room for about 5 hours. I said the hospital and he said he knew that, but which one. When I told him Gwinnett Medical, he nodded. Then he asked if he would be staying here and I said it appeared that he would. His immediate response was "Rats." He did a great job remembering where he was all day. Tonight he has been given some pain medication so he should get a really good rest after so many nights of waking around midnight and trying to go downstairs to get some Tylenol!

I went into the house tonight and I felt some sadness. Abby met me at the door with her teddy bear and when she realized Paul was not with me, she walked upstairs with her bear in her mouth and sat at the foot of Paul's bed. I could not help but cry at how it hurt seeing Paul's things left as they were this morning and his dog visibly affected by his absence. Abby got up and came over and licked my hands, then went back to the foot of Paul's bed. I got Paul's pillow off his bed and let her rest on it. I am hoping she won't feel so bad if she has his smell close to her. Michael is going to sleep in Paul's room so that Abby won't be alone in there tonight. I think that it was just too reminiscent of those first days for me and my guard came down for awhile.

The nurses were happy to see Paul looking so good, as they had not seen him since he was wheeled out of here to go to Shepherd. He was not walking or talking back then. The one nurse said she was glad to hear his voice and said it was a very nice one. I am sure we will see more nurses we know on the day shift, as we got into the room around 5 p.m. this evening. It was nice to see familiar faces and it was good to share all of Paul's accomplishments with these wonderful women who took such great care of Paul. May God bless them all for their gift of giving.

Please keep Paul, the nurses and doctors in your prayers so that his surgery will go well and we can get Paul back home quickly. My sadness only lasted a little while this evening and then as I gathered the relic of St. Paul, the Blessed Oil of St. Padre Pio and the soil from Apparition Hill in Medjugorje where the Blessed Mother has been appearing, the calm returned to my mind and my soul was filled with the Peace of Jesus. I know whose hands are guiding us all and my wish remains to do God's will with a firm YES. Living this season of Lent, we are reminded to offer up everything so that it will be joined with Jesus to be used according to God's will. We will gladly let God handle the rest.

Updates will be given as quickly as possible tomorrow!

God bless you all on the first day of Spring. New beginnings for us all, Praise be to God.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

One step up and two steps back

Paul's headaches continue and have all but brought his progress to a screaming halt. They seem to have started two or three weeks ago and increased from the occasional headache to a constant one that he has pretty much 24/7. We took him to the hospital this morning so they could do a cat scan on him to either rule out or confirm the build up of fluid on the brain. Please pray for Paul that this isn't the case. The last thing he needs is another tour of duty at the hospital. Hopefully these headaches are the result of the brain waking up and starting to feel again. Rather this than pressure caused by fluid build up. We also got some good information from the doctor there concerning any further check ups and/or treatment. In fact, we learned more from this one doctor in 5 minutes than we have in the last 4 months regarding Paul's injury and what we can expect. He has an appointment with a neurologist on Wednesday who specializes in headaches. With hope, we will find a way to manage Paul's headache pain.

It looks like Paul will miss his appointment on Wednesday with the Neurologist. He has been admitted to the hospital for at least a three day stay. He does have increased fluid on the brain and they have to do something about it.

We will add to this post later as we get more information.

I Forgot to Remember to Forget

The last 2 days have been less eventful, but progress is being made. The occupational therapist saw Paul for the last time with the instructions to keep his upper body excercises going and keep increasing the weight slowly. His left side is not ready for weights on some of the excercises, but he has gained increased mobility with his left arm. His left leg is strong now and it is no longer necessary for him to wear the cast on his leg as he was doing after being at Northside hospital. His daily walking has really helped him gain all the flexibility he needs to walk heel first. We are working on increasing the pace of his walks and the length of his stride. The excercises to help him gain his sense of balance will help him feel confident to take a longer stride in his steps. It is all a very slow process, but all we have to do is look back at where we were and know that he is walking forward, most definitely.

The only constraint we have at this time is the headache issue. Headaches are to be expected, but his is continual throughout the day and night. He is now waking at night and trying to go downstairs to get medicine for his head. We have had him use an ice pack the last 2 nights, which seems to bring him relief. Years ago, I had experienced migraines that caused stroke symptoms. I had been to 3 doctors before finding one who only dealt with headaches. He prescribed a medication that was the immediate answer. My brother Jim also went to this neurologist and had great success. I had referred 2 of my friends to him and they also had relief after seeing him. On Wednesday, my brother Jim reminded me of Dr. Walker and I have made an appointment with him. Paul will see him Wednesday. Hopefully he will be able to quickly assess what Paul will need and we won't have to go through the guessing game of what medication would be best. Paul doesn't need to waste time on experimenting with different drugs to find a solution and the possible side effects medications have. The prescription Provigil that the neurologist at Shepherd Hospital prescribed on Monday has side effects of headaches, so I have not continued using it for now. The headaches are limiting Paul in all activities and even his appetite. Who wants to eat when their head is throbbing? The headaches need to be controlled as our next priority, so that the recovery continues at a constant rate. He is in a lot of pain lately.

Paul's friend Karen McMichael comes to read to him at night once a week, as I mentioned before. He seems to fall asleep better after she has done this for him. With his head hurting like it has the past few nights, I decided to read to him to help him focus on a story instead of his pain. On Tuesday night, I had started a book by C.S. Lewis from Chronicles of Narnia. I had just finished the first chapter and Jon and Michael came into the room. They had just come back from the store and they had purchased a lottery ticket just for fun. Michael asked Paul what car he wanted in case the ticket was the winning ticket. Paul said he wanted a Corvette. That is the car Paul has always liked and had even told Jonathan Tarantino that he would buy one for once Paul became famous! Michael said "That's right brother, I will get you one if we win". Jon and Michael got on Paul's computer to look at the cars they would get and were showing Paul the kinds they wanted. Michael didn't ask me what I wanted, he said, "I already know what mom wants. She will just want a newer van". I was asked what color. (These are the kinds of conversations where I am reminded that another female in the house would be fun! Cars and computers..........my eyes glaze over at the mention of them.............smile.) Anyway, the conversations about cars continued and then Jon left the room. Michael continued telling us all the options he would have on his car (yawn, again) and then Paul said "OK Thanks Mike bye now Mom and I are talking." Paul said it as fast as you can read that sentence. Michael and I looked at each other and we both were shocked to hear Paul say something like that. He said it very matter of factly and all in one breath and no breaks. Michael laughed and said, "Okay brother, get a good nights sleep." He hugged Paul and left. I looked at Paul and asked what he wanted to talk about. He asked, "Weren't you reading a story to me?" I told him I was and he said to please continue! I read through Chapter 2 and had a page to go before reaching Chapter 3. Paul asked me what page I was on and I told him page 34. He asked if I could remember that number. I told him I could and asked if he wanted me to stop. When he said yes, I told him I had only 2 paragraphs until Chapter 3 and did he want me to just finish the chapter. He did. What made me the happiest was that Paul remembered that he had been listening to a story being read, even after all the conversation about cars. He doesn't really remember the therapists coming after about 1/2 hour after they have left! This showed that if it is something of importance to Paul, he will remember it better. As we go through the day, I go over what we have done every couple of hours to continue to help Paul review his day and hopefully help him hold more in his memory.

Paul has brought so much joy to our home. He says the funniest things and we always seem to be laughing. Yesterday I was working with him on repeating a series of numbers. I would give him the category and then the set of numbers. Some of the categories were years of birth, like 1958, 1926, 1989, 1972. I give him the category and then the numbers and ask him to repeat the numbers back to me and then to repeat them backwards. One category, which I have to admit was kind of weird to me was the age at which people might live to, as in 72, 90, 83, 79, 86. I said the numbers and asked Paul to repeat them. He didn't answer after about 10 seconds, so I said "repeat the numbers I gave you which are the ages to which people might live to." He looked at me and said "old." Great summarizing Paul! Very much in keeping with his trait of always taking the easiest route. Another thing I have noticed is that he says what is on his mind. He has always been very introspective he noticed more things and details than he would voice out loud. Yesterday, as we walked down the street, he asked me what the flowers were that we had just passed. I told him daffodils. He asked if they were all daffodils, since there were white and yellow flowers. I said yes and he asked if they just grow or do they have to be planted. I said they had to be planted in late Fall. He said that we should plant those because they were pretty. (I will see if Paul will help me plant them in the Fall, not that he will remember discussing flowers!) Before the accident, Paul might have thought about how he liked the flowers but would not have said anything. The fact that he was a 21 yr old male would have a lot to do with it, to be sure. But since he doesn't have the inhibitions at this point in his recovery, he says what he is thinking. It makes our day interesting and as mentioned, full of laughter. These instances are what I refer to as God's hand placing bread crumbs on our pathway, leading us along and bringing us joy as we travel. I can't fathom not believing there is a Father in heaven who loves us children and wants us all to return to Him. He just gives us too many signs along the way.

I want to publicly thank all those who continue to bring us our 'daily bread', otherwise referred to as dinner. It is a tremendous gift that we appreciate so much. Michael most especially, as it is like going out to eat every night. Our parish, St. Stephen's has a ministry called Helping Hands and they provide meals to those who need help in the parish and also provide meals after funerals to the family and friends of the deceased and other various occasions. Jon and I can hardly wait to pay forward when we get the first chance! We have had the chance to meet new people when they bring the meals and also to visit with those friends we know. What a wonderful gift this ministry is. God bless all that they do.

God's peace and blessings to you and all that is in your day,
Jon and Rebecca

ps. Even with a headache, Paul took his trash can back upstairs. He does a number of other things like bringing his dishes to the sink when he is done, hanging his towels back up and hanging his coat up. I get a second chance with Paul to help him create better habits , which a future wife will surely appreciate! Hope it all 'takes'......big smile.

Boy, You've Got to Carry that Weight...........

Jon showing Jonathan that Paul's left arm needs the workout. Paul ties his shoes as he gets ready to start.





href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1880/1864/320/excersice1.jpg"> Paul starts with a 2lb weight first.









Jonathan helps lift Paul's left arm







Jonathan supporting Paul









Paul makes his way over an obstacle - there's plenty of those around our house!















On Monday, Paul had his follow up appointment with his neurologist. He picked his blue jeans to wear and as we came down the stairs, he stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and than pointed to his waistline. His pants were almost ready to fall past his hips! I got him a belt and had to put another hole in it so that he could use it. We have a long road ahead of us in this aspect, but Paul did add one more pound last week. I know his activity has really increased, so we will find ways to add more calories. Like I said before, I don't want to hand back one single pound.

The neurologist from Shepherd Hospital was the doctor who was doing the follow up appointment. He was glad to see there was improvement in Paul's memory. He did some verbal tests to see how long Paul could retain different pieces of information. There was significant improvement since Paul had left Shepherd Hospital. He told us to use Alleve for Paul's headaches instead of Tylenol, as he felt that we needed an anti-inflammatory medicine to relieve the pain. He said that with 5 fractures to the skull, Paul will experience headaches. It will remain to be seen if Paul will have them for a long time to come. The doctor wanted to use Alleve before prescribing any
thing stronger. He also prescribed another medicine that is supposed to help Paul stay awake more easily and to be more focused. It is called Provigil. We are to use the sample packet for the week to see if it is effective or not. We used it yesterday for the first time and Paul was able to get by with only an afternoon nap. He not only woke up by himself, he actually started to come downstairs before I knew he was awake. Thank goodness we have creaking floors and steps. I quickly met him and made sure he got down the steps safely. He is at a high risk of falling and I don't want a repeat of last month. Paul also had more ability to sustain a conversation. He actually initiated some of them. We were driving to St. Stephen's to do our walk and he looked over at me and asked "What are you thinking?" I told him I was actually praying and asking God to help me do His will (which I seem to do a lot!) and then asked Paul what he was thinking. He said "Nothing really, just wondering what you were thinking." At dinner, Paul had been resting while waiting for Jon to come home from work and again, just got up and started to come downstairs. He has always waited until we come get him, so he is initiating more. The great part is that his movement is now in the opposite direction............out of bed!!

We did not have any therapy on Monday since we didn't get home until 1 p.m. On Monday evening Jonathan Tarantino came over to help Paul with some upper body strengthening excercises. He wanted to help Paul gain strength in his left arm and shoulder area. He brought 2 and 3 pound weights. Paul's newest thing is to ask questions and when Jonathan asked him to stand, Paul asked why. Jonathan told him he was going to help him with lifting weights. Paul asked why. It was explained to him that he had lost a lot of weight and needed to build up his endurance and strength and Paul said, "You're probably right." He stood up and Jonathan worked with Paul for about a half an hour. The thing that struck me was how gentle and caring Jonathan was as he helped his best friend. He did not rush any of the excercises and patiently explained to Paul what they were doing and why they were doing it every time Paul asked why. This was an act of love on Jonathan's part and the next day as I shared this with my sister Beverly, I started to cry because it is such a beautiful thing God has given us. Pure and simple love to share. It has permeated every day in our lives since the accident, in the most visible ways. I pray that everyone who has been a part of this will walk away with more than we have received in their giving. While I try to convey the impact you have all made in our lives, it is only the tip of the iceberg. You don't have enough time to read all that I could write about the signs and wonders of God's love as He has answered all the prayers for our family. Rest assured, God will show it to you personally some day.

Yesterday, Pam (speech therapist) worked intensively on Paul's swallowing. She did thermo therapy. A metal instrument is kept in a glass of ice until it is freezing cold and then it is used to rub the back of each side of Paul's throat inside of his mouth. I thought it would cause him to gag, but it didn't. That is a sign that Paul's muscles are weak. She rubbed the left side only, since the right side did respond quickly to the therapy. What happens is that after the throat is rubbed, there is a delay in a natural swallowing action. For Paul, the average amount of time in between the rubbing motion and then the swallow was 22.5 seconds. It should be more like 5 seconds. The therapist rubbed 10 times each time, with a total of 10 repetitions. The times were recorded and then an average obtained. It took Paul 61 seconds after one round, which brought up his average score. Most of the reaction times were around 15-18 seconds. The therapist also did magnetic stimulation to Paul's muscles. She will be here today to continue this therapy. While she also works on Paul's cognitive skills, she is concentrating on the throat muslces first so that Paul's muslces will strengthen fully and then he can move on to all cognitive drills. Paul stayed very alert throughout it all and he was the one writing down the times to be averaged. He did not ask to lay down when it was over, which was a first.

The occupational therapist was pleased to see that Paul had added 5 more repetitions to his daily excercises for his upper body. She will be here for 1 to 2 more visits and then she will be done.

The physical therapist did some balancing excercises with Paul, which we are to continue 2 to 3 times per day. She showed me what needs to be done for Paul to advance his ability to be a lot more independent. We will need to make up obstacle courses where Paul will have to step over objects, walk arould them, stoop under them and do it all without our assitance in helping his keep his balance. We will stand by to make sure he does not fall, but cannot touch him as he maneuvers his way around. He will progress to walking outside on uneven ground and even will need to balance himself standing on a pillow, with his eyes closed. A lot of the excercises are to be practiced until he can do them with his eyes closed. It is not having his one eye patched that causes him to be off balance. It is mostly his fear of falling and he will need to do the excercises to strengthen his ankles and to gain a real sense of independence. I have said this before - it is all so very interesting as we learn about how the body works. God's creation - awesome to be sure!

I may well fit the category of looney, but I simply believe that if you look at what is placed in your pathway every day, you can easily see God's love and hand in it. I was refreshed anew yesterday at 5:30. My friend, Dee Huggins (whose son Chip also suffered a severe brain injury 19 months ago) called and told me that one of the visionaries from Medjugorje was going to be at St. Andrews Catholic Church at 5:30 to pray the rosary before the 6:00 Mass. He has been receiving daily apparitions from the Blessed Mary since 1982. He and 6 others have stayed in Medjugorje and have welcomed pilgrims who have come there over these past 24 years and are as simple and humble as they always have been. Of course, I wanted to go and be there with so many others as they prayed for Mary's intercession. I could not take Paul nor could I leave him alone, so I decided I would just be in pray with the others at this same time. I also told my mother about it and at 5:30 we started to pray the rosary, presenting our intentions. I sat on the front porch and the sun was setting in front of me. I was praying with my eyes closed and the sun shining in my face, with a wonderful warmness. I heard the wind starting to blow very hard and opened my eyes to watch the trees blowing. I noticed that there were about 10 birds on my lawn and on the bird feeder, and they were not scared away by my close proximity and the fact that I was praying out loud. It was so peaceful a moment and I know that while we are always in God's presence, I was given such a visual sign of it. It was like all of nature was welcoming our Blessed Mother from heaven. I could not help but have tears of joy running down my face because my heart was bursting with joy. I was thinking of all the people who keep sharing their stories with us, sharing their prayers with us, sharing their lives with us. It is sometimes just too big to hold onto, and I have to release it through my tears. Michael drove up and joined me in the last 2 decades of the rosary and then we came inside and sat in front of the crucifix and prayed in thanksgiving for all our blessings.

It is my prayer for you today that your heart will sing a new song unto the Lord and that you will FEEL THE JOY of the love of God, to the point of bursting! Nothing can fill you like the Word of God or His wonders. May this Lenten season bring you a deeper awareness of God and may our love of Jesus Christ, who has shown us the way of these 40 days, grow more perfectly with each passing day.

Joyfully yours in Christ,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

I'm Walking on Sunshine

Playing his classical guitar for Pam, his speech therapist









Jonathan Tarantino, Paul and Becca Rogers after a long walk on a warm sunny day






Paul and Sandy Rose, parents of Paul's dear friend Nathan (and Paul's second set of parents!) We have known them since the boys were 5 yrs old.






Paul, Jon and Abby waiting at Stone Mt for the Rosary Walk to begin






Jon, Paul and Kara, Mark and Patty Palmquist ready for the monthly Rosary Walk - March 11, 4 months to the day after Paul's accident.




Weekend Update

Friday's weather was absolutely wonderful and so were Paul's accomplishments. My niece, Becca Rogers, stopped by to say hello to Paul and so did his friend Jonathan Tarantino. They happened to be there while the speech therapist was working with Paul. When she first got there, she reminded Paul that he had said he would play a song on his guitar for her. She asked which guitar he wanted and he got his classical guitar out. This guitar has not been played since at least last summer, so when Paul strummed it, it was incredibly out of tune. He winced as he heard it and then started to get it back in tune. It took awhile, but he got it in tune. He sat for a moment playing some chords, as if trying to remember a song to play. He started to play one I had remembered him playing for his recital at the end of last Spring semester. He didn't remember all of it, but what he played went well. His therapist really enjoyed it, as did the rest of us. I was so pleased because it brought back a wonderful memory of a moment Paul and I shared. Last Spring, he was practicing a piece he had to play in class and he recorded it. He called me and told me to go to the computer and open the mail he had sent. I did and I was able to hear him playing the guitar. He told me he had just finished with the final practice of the song and recorded it for me to listen to. He wanted to know what I thought of it, as he had done his own interpretation for some of it. We talked about the piece for awhile and I remember feeling so blessed that he had thought to share his music with me. What a joy to hear him play again on Friday.

Then the speech therapist started to work on his swallowing and was doing different excercises with him. She worked very hard and didn't ease up until the end of the session. Paul had a headache and near the end of the session said he wanted some Tylenol. I asked if he thought he could swallow it whole or did he want it crushed and put into the feeding tube. He said he would swallow the pills. I was apprehensive, as he has not been successful before. Becca, Jonathan, the speech therapist and I sat watching him as he put the pills into his mouth and took a sip of water. He swallowed them fine and we all congratulated him! He has been getting his medicine by mouth all weekend. No more crushing his meds! One more thing to check off my list, which is more time saved.

After the therapist left, the 3 of us went on a long walk with Paul and Abby. Paul actually worked up a sweat and had to take his sweatshirt off. After the walk we all sat on the front porch, rocking and talking for about 20 minutes more. Then Becca and Jonathan had to leave. Paul and I went in and he asked what was for dinner. This was also a first for Paul. I asked what he wanted and he said we probably didn't have it. I asked what that would be and he said "steak". I said I would have his dad bring one home. I called Jon and he did just that. Paul slept for the hour before dinner, and he woke up refreshed. He ate the entire steak and potatoes and garlic bread. It was a huge meal for him. After dinner, he sat up with his dad for about 30 more minutes and then went to bed. Unfortunately, that meal seemed to keep him filled through the weekend, as we have really battled to get him to eat anything all weekend. He finally had a small dinner tonight (Sunday). He got almost all his nutrition through his feeding tube this weekend. But it was terrific watching him eat a fairly large steak Friday night.

On Saturday, friends we have known since we moved to Georgia came by to see Paul. Their son Nathan Rose has been Paul's friend since Paul was 5 years old. They had not seen Paul since the second day at the hospital and they were absolutely amazed at how well he looked and that he remembered them. He was coming down the stairs as they came in and he went right to Sandy and hugged her, then hugged Paul Rose. It was so much fun spending time with them and watching them interact with Paul. I know they were so glad to see Paul in such great shape. Paul Rose had been to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on a business trip and he brought Paul some guitar picks from there. Paul smiled as he opened the bag and saw the picks. We had a great visit and then Paul was very tired and he went to bed. I wanted him to get a nap because we had planned something a week ago with our friends from church. Patty and Mark Palmquist started to do a rosary walk around Stone Mountain (a five mile walk) 3 years ago. We pray the rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet as we walk. All of our boys have joined us at different times and it is always a joy when they have been with us. I have really missed our monthly walk with the prayer group and it was my hope that on March 11, the 4th month after Paul's accident, we could join them for a small part of the walk. We did make it and Paul walked almost a mile. We were able to pray the Divine Mercy and it was in the 3 o'clock hour that we prayed it. What a glorious event for Jon and me and those who were with us. I know Mark and Patty have prayed for this day to come ever since the accident and their prayers were answered. We will remain prayerful that Paul can walk a little farther the next time. As we walked back to the van, Paul was very hot. When we got home, he went right to bed and didn't really do much more.

Saturday night, my sister stayed with Paul so that Jon and I could go to dinner with some friends who have waited until Paul was well enough to take us to dinner. We had a terrific time on this first night out since the accident. During the night, I started to feel really bad. I had been experiencing some cold symptoms since Thursday, and it finally caught up with me. I knew I had an upper respiratory infection. Paul woke up with an intense headache and his eyes showed he was not feeling well. He was also experiencing the same symptoms I started with 3 days ago, so we have had an antibiotic called in for both of us. It is our hopes that Paul won't get as sick as I am, since we are catching his at the onset. Please pray that Paul will not have any difficulty getting over this so that we don't have a huge relapse. He has gained 10 pounds this month and we have worked so hard that we don't want to give one pound back due to illness. We pretty much slept this day away and tonight Paul did have a small meal, as I stated earlier. Tonight after dinner, Paul's roommate from college, Josh Schmidt, came by for a quick visit. He came with Jonathan Tarantino. He has not seen Paul since a couple of days after the accident. Paul was glad to see them both and they had a good visit. Paul stood up and said he was going to bed and that ended it all. He hugged his friends goodbye and went directly to his room. The official end of a very busy weekend.

I am glad he will be seeing his neurologist tomorrow, so that we can hopefully get some help with Paul's headaches. He has had headaches everyday for a couple of weeks and this is new for him. It was so bad that on Saturday night around midnight, he actually got up and was going to walk downstairs to get some more Tylenol. He has never gotten out of bed before during the night. They are really bad headaches, so we are asking for your prayers concerning this also.

One other thing that happened was another one of Paul's friends called and let us know he had heard about the accident only 2 days ago. Conner was shocked and was very upset about it all. He said he will be by to visit next weekend and hee also told us that he had been in touch with the first guitar teacher Paul ever had. Both sons, Jon and Paul, went to David Poole to get their first lessons. David is an accomplished and incredible guitarist who has had classical training. We were very grateful that the boys were able to have him as their teacher. He teaches at the Atlanta Institute of Music and Paul actually went to AIM during is Junior year of high school. He had to put in very long days to handle the workload of high school and the courses at this school of music. Conner was the one who had introduced Jon and Paul to David. Late this afternoon, we also got a call from David Poole, who also was devasted by the news of Paul's accident. He told me that his father had been in a car accident where a dump truck hit him. His father also suffered a brain injury and broken bones in his leg. His father recovered in a year. He wanted to let us know this and to also say that from their first lesson, he knew Paul would be a very good guitarist, along with Jon. He has great faith in God that Paul will recover from all of this since he knows just how intelligent Paul is plus he has youth on his side. He has also agreed to get together with Paul when he is ready and will help retrain Paul in music theory and playing the guitar. This news was MUSIC TO OUR EARS as Paul will benefit from this immensely. God's goodness and mercy are too awesome for us to comprehend and we continually thank Him for all his blessings.

Once again we have to sing out, Glory to God in the highest.

We continue to pray for all of you who are lifting us up in prayer and who are helping us in so many ways. Everytime we look at Paul, we remember that it was all your prayers and kind deeds that have allowed us to watch joyfully all the accomplisments and triumphs he has experienced. To be able to smile at him and have him smile in return is a truly grand gift from God.

So once again we wish you and your families God's blessings.
Jon and Rebecca

Blue Jean Baby

Paul gets ready to leave, with Abby and her stuffed bear right behind.




















No assistance needed, thanks.






























These past 2 days have brought so much hope to us. Paul has said and done things that seem to indicate that a few rays of light are breaking through. Tuesday was a great day. I wanted to write about it right away, but he was on a roll and I didn't stop doing things with him.

First, he chose to wear his blue jeans. We are backing off trying to do everything for him. We were doing it mostly because it saved us time, but it is really not doing Paul any good. It is so much like raising a child and realizing they need to experience things on their own to gain independence. This would not be hard for me to do, except that his falling some weeks back terrorized me so badly that I surely became overly protective in my response. I am now 'standing by' and letting him experience his day. He couldn't decide what to wear, so I mentioned that he had blue jeans or sweat pants. He made the choice. I was so happy to see him wearing the clothes we normally saw him in. He looked so much like Paul and I kept expecting him to act like everything was normal again. He was putting them on and said he was not sure he could wear them because they were the tight ones. I reminded him that he lost almost 50 pounds and he said "then they will fit". Well, sort of. He definitely needed a belt.

We made it to Mass and Paul did something that surprised me. We were kneeling after Mass was over and Paul nudged me. I looked at him and he pointed to my friend, Patty Palmquist. She was walking down the main aisle and was looking at us. He recognized her and wanted to let me know she was coming. That is something he would have done before.

On Tuesday, I followed the same pattern of physical, occupational and speech therapy. After a brisk walk, we continued with the food/drink excercise to help increase his ability to swallow liquids easily. Then we did the excercises with the yard stick and theraband. During these excercises, Paul stopped right in the middle and said, "Why did you move my computer?" I noticed he was looking at the dining room. I asked him where he thought his computer had been moved to and he said, "It used to be in that room." He was referring to the dining room. He was right. In his senior year of high school, he was giving guitar lessons and needed a 'studio'. We turned the dining room into his bedroom/studio and put french doors up for privacy. I replied that his computer used to be in that room and that it had been his studio. He responded with "of sorts". He was right - it never looked like a studio but a messy dorm room! I asked if he remembered giving guitar lessons and he said he did.

We finished his excercises and he asked why we were doing these. I explained that he needed to build endurance and strength. I tied it into the fact that if he wanted to play guitar, he would need the strength to stand up and hold his guitar. The electric guitars are heavy. I decided to show him why he needed to get stronger. I pulled out his favorite guitar and as I was going to open the case he said more loudly than he has talked before, "No! Not that way." I looked down at the case and realized I had opened it with the face of the guitar down. I quickly closed it and turned it over and apologized for not noticing it was upside down. It was terrific though that he noticed so quickly what was happening, even before the case was completely opened. I got the guitar out and the strap and said it was a good excercise to see if he could stand while holding the guitar. He put the strap on and then by himself stood up with the guitar. He played for about 15 minutes. I left the room so I would not be a distraction and I got the camera and quietly took pictures of him. I knew his dad would not believe it. Paul has not wanted to even hold his guitar for the last week. ( Sure enough, when Jon got home and asked Paul if he wanted to play, Paul said, "No, thanks, I already did." I showed Jon the pictures to prove it.) When Paul was finished playing the guitar, I offered to help him put it away. His immediate response was that he would do it himself. Shows his memory is improving - he remembered that I had opened it upside down! He didn't need any more of that kind of help.............smile. He sat down on the couch, then got a pillow to rest his knee on as he got down onto the floor by himself. All this while he continued to hold his guitar. I let him solve all the problems and did not offer any help. He then sat next to his case and put his guitar away. He sat looking at all the things in his case - some music he had written on a piece of paper, some picks and envelopes of new strings. After checking out the contents of the case, he closed it and made his way back up without any assistance. Again, big news in our house! He then played the piano for about 10 minutes.

Tuesday evening, Paul's friend, Karen McMichael came by and continued her reading of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, by C.S. Lewis. She comes by once a week to do this and Paul really enjoys it. She and Paul used to do this once in awhile before his accident. They would take turns reading to each other. After she read until Paul fell asleep, she told me that he was asking questions this time. He was asking things like, "who is saying that?" and "That's the end of the chapter isn't it?" She was able to read 3 chapters before he slept. What a wonderful blessing from God that Paul has such good friends. It takes a lot of patience to visit Paul, but it seems he is getting better. That will make it easier on his friends, as time goes by.
Tuesday was the best day for all of us. Paul was very alert and talked a lot more than he has. The weather has been warm and sunny, which is allowing us to get outside everyday. It is a great benefit to Paul.

Wednesday, the physical therapist took one of Paul's hands, I took the other and we reassured him that he would not fall as we started him on a very faced paced walk down the street. At times we were almost pulling him along so that he would keep the pace we set. He said he was afraid of falling and was resisting at times. When we were walking over a part of pavement that had some sand on it, Paul said, "Slow down, you don't go fast over sand". We both smiled at Paul and slowed down over that area. Not sure where he got that from, but it was good to see he was very aware of his surroundings. He was not out of breath when we finished. That is a good sign about his lung damage. I was slightly winded because we had just gone up a hill, but he was fine. (Maybe because I was doing the pulling!) The physical therapist feels that she needs to come only one more week. She thinks Paul is definitely strong enough to do an outpatient program and is going to discuss this with the other therapists to see how he is doing in the other areas. She said that while he may not be ready for Pathways, he would benefit from a hospital outpatient facility where he will be more challenged to gain balance and deal with obstacles in his pathway. He will need to learn to do this if he is to be totally independent.

Please pray that the right avenue for Paul's recovery is found.

Opening prayer for today's Mass -
Father in Heaven, without you we can do nothing. By your Spirit help us to know what is right and to be eager in doing your will. We ask this hour Lord Jesus Christ, your son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.

For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks the door will be opened. (Mt 7:8)

God bless you with His peace and love in this day,
Jon and Rebecca

Times They Are a Changing

Working on gaining better balance.









He ain't heavy, he's my brother










Mike and Paul getting the mail.











This morning at Mass I had to smile as I realized how incredible God's timing is. In Atlanta, Spring is bursting forth and I really noticed it yesterday as I was outside waiting for the physical therapist to finish with Paul. Under the dead winter leaves are the new sprouts of Iris, Hosta, day lillies, and the Forsythia bushes are in full bloom. The Bradford Pear trees are white as snow with blooms and the Dogwoods are full of buds. All this new life around us reminded me of Paul's recovery. Some things are in full bloom, while other areas are just poking their heads out. As you know by now, I am a visual person and God has been so loving in allowing me to have all this natural beauty give me the visual aid needed in keeping my hope and joy alive in my heart. Yesterday I was astounded not only by the beauty of Spring, but by the accomplishments of Paul and it seems both are right on course.

He had all 3 therapists come yesterday and they helped Paul accomplish a lot. The occupational therapist gave us a number of strengthening excercises to do with a large theraband to help Paul regain his upper body strength and to gain better balance. We are to do them 2 times a day. I have asked Mike to do the afternoon set with Paul and he worked with him yesterday and got full cooperation from Paul. The physical therapist had Paul unload the silverware and load the dirty silverware from the sink. She then had him fold 2 loads of laundry. She told me afterward that she didn't think the folding job was done very well. I looked and laughed because it is exactly how he used to fold his clothes when they weren't stuffed in the back of closets. She said that he recognized when any piece of clothing was inside out and he turned them right side out. She was impressed with that. She said that he mentally thinks he has to depend on someone holding his arm or hand to get around and that we need to help him realize he can do it alone. In the middle of her therapy he excused himself and went upstairs to use the restroom. He went up and down by himself, which shows he is ready to be independent of our support, except to stand by to keep him from falling. The speech therapist wanted to know why he still had a feeding tube and I explained the issues with swallowing. She had him try a couple of things and she said his muscles are fine, but they need to be retrained to remember to swallow. So she came up with the plan to have him excercise these muscles by having him swallow things every 30 minutes. We are to start with a piece of food, followed by a small sip of drink and alternate for 4 times. We will work on consistency before we work on quantity. We tried it while she was here and he was able to do five swallows of food and drink. I have started a graph to show what he was able to do each half hour. We started again this morning and he can consistently swallow 4 sets (food then drink). Our goal is to have him swallowing enough liquids each day so that the tube can come out. It will be one less thing we have to concern ourselves with and will help Paul gain the independence he needs in order to recover more fully.

I was so excited watching him go through all his excercises, showing good balance and strength. I felt like we were finally making some progress and I have something concrete to work on with him. I really enjoyed the idea of his helping with chores around the house. Hopefully he won't remember how much he tried to avoid them in the past. He is to do some every day. It will pull him back into the real world more quickly. Not that his real world included chores...........big, big smile.

Yesterday, after he was done with his excercises with Mike, he still had the yard stick in his hand. I asked him what it was. He looked at it and said, "a meter stick." I asked him to turn it over, thinking that one side was inches and the other side was centimeters. I asked him again what it was. He said "the other side of a meter stick." Mike and I burst out laughing and I asked him what was the measurement on the stick. He looked and said, "a 3 footer." I asked what that would equal and he said, "a yard." I asked him what that stick might actually be called and he said a yard stick. A 'long' effort for one word, but it was enjoyable getting him to remember it.

I had heard that damage to the left side of the brain may result in a person being more sad and mournful, since those emotions are very predominant on the right side. I asked Paul if he felt sad or if he felt happy. I asked if he knew the difference. He said he did. I asked if he felt more happy or more sad in that moment. He said happy. On a scale of 1 - 10, he said he was a 9. He doesn't smile alot, so I was wondering if he feels mostly sadness inside. Last night, he laughed when his dad said something, and that made it the 2nd time we had seen him actually laugh. Then today, he laughed again. He doesn't laugh when most people might, he does it when it is least expected. It is very much in keeping with his very dry sense of humor though. What he has laughed at is funny, but not in a usual way. I think I mentioned this before that he didn't really smile or laugh much as a baby and the one time I remember him really laughing hard was due to a fairly insignificant occurence. I threw a ball up into the air, clapped my hands 2 times, then caught the ball as it came down. He started to laugh really hard and laughed the next 3 times I did it. Even Jonny came over and said "He laughed!!" like it was a big event. That has remained a very memorable event in my mind. His laughing 2 times in the past 2 days is another memorable event!

God is a personal God and treats each of our souls differently. We need to be patient with His way and timing. The Blessed Mother's strength of faith gave her the fortitude to accomplish her part her in God's plan for salvation. I pray that I can model myself after her example and that she will take my mission into her care to protect it. Each of us has our own personal mission and May God our Father give us the grace of a strong faith so that we can accomplish what He has reserved for each of us to carry out His plan.

Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Hello, It's Me

Paul watching as Mike blows out his candles. Work hard Paul - you will have 22 to blow out in 7 short months!




Mike and his Godmother, Aunt Mary Beth








Paul sitting on front porch and Mike getting ready to wash his car.







Mike washing his car while Paul watched. Very normal for Paul :)








Two steps forward, and there didn't appear to be any steps back for Paul this weekend. He started off with sleeping in until 8:00 A.M. That meant we all slept in that long! Paul's face reflected he was feeling well when he woke. We eased into the day and I had a big breakfast ready when he came down from his shower. He is eating only when we bargain with him, but at least he is eating. He has not done as well all week with liquids, but that will be the focus of my work with him this week. We let him get extra sleep this weekend so that he would be strong as he started the new week and to help him recover from all the activity of this past week. It has proven to be very beneficial for him, as he has made some gains in a couple of areas.

On Saturday, my sister Beverly came over to our house with her son Joseph so that he could say goodbye to us. He was leaving Sunday for his flight to Washington D.C. and then on to Germany. When they got here, we were getting dinner ready to celebrate Mike's 17th birthday. (It's march 5th, but we wanted to celebrate before his Aunt Mary Beth and James left.) Paul was upstairs sleeping. We were having a terrific time with my 2 sisters, James, Joseph, Matt Velker and Michael and there was a lot of talking and laughing. All of a sudden, Paul walked into the kitchen. He shocked all of us. He has never walked downstairs by himself, nor has he shown any initiative to do anything like this before. We all hugged him and he sat down at the kitchen table like he would normally have done before the accident. I was so happy for Joseph that Paul came down because I wanted Joseph to be able to see Paul before he left. He was in basic training when Paul's accident happened and he had been given special permission to come home for a few days to see Paul. Paul was still in a coma and it was tough for Joseph to see Paul in that condition and then have to leave without knowing what was going to happen to Paul. Seeing Paul come downstairs and say hello to everyone was a big surprise for all of us. And the talking and laughter continued on for another half an hour until Bev and Joseph had to leave. It was so much fun reminiscing about when the kids were smaller. Bev had lived on the street behind us and her kids used to climb the fence all the time to get to our house. The 8 cousins (my 4 and Bev's 4) were very close and when they moved, it was only 2 miles away. They have been blessed to have had each other all these years.

Here we were, 12 years later and Joseph remembered that it was on Mike's 5th birthday that he (Joseph) had climbed the fence to come back to my house for the party with all the family. My parents lived in town, as did my oldest brother, so everyone was at our house. Joseph had run home for something. When he came back, he fell off the fence and broke his arm. We went on with Mike's party, but everyone waited at my house until Bev and Joe came home with Joseph so that we would know how he was doing. Now we were having to say goodbye to Joseph as he was leaving to start a very new pathway in his life. I can't believe how fast the time has gone by. One thing is for sure. I can hardly wait until we can be back in my house again, celebrating Joseph's return and Paul's recovery. It will be about 2 years before Joseph comes home, but it will go quickly when I think back on how fast the last 12 years has gone. Jon's dad used to say "You think the first 25 years went by fast - wait until the next 25". Very true statement. Which is why I am glad I am learning even more how to take each day and realize it is a treasure.

Today, which is Mike's birthday, we went to Mass and then had Mike's birthday breakfast. (Food has always been a big deal in our house...........5 men!) After breakfast, Paul took a short nap and then he sat outside and watched Mike wash his car. Then he sat in Mike's car as Mike finished. Paul was enjoying the music that was playing. After awile, he went to the driveway to sit near his dad as he was changing the oil in our cars. Jon was in high gear to catch up on so many things that have been neglected over these last months. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day and I was enjoying another 'pocket of peace' in God's world as I tended to another garden. When that was done, we took Paul to St. Stephen's to walk around the parking lot. He made it 3 times around, due to Jon being there with us. Paul usually only makes it around 1 1/2 - 2 times with me. Then we stopped at Kroger and Paul pushed the cart and unloaded all the groceries onto the check out counter. We are trying to let him do as much as possible so that he will gain more independence and excercise. When we got home, he took another nap. He was definitely 'spent'. (He used this term once to answer his dad about why he could not eat anymore. He said he was "about spent".)

When he woke up, I had him sit at his computer for awhile. He got up and said he really wanted to go back to bed, but I told him that he needed to do something else, as he had only been up about 1/2 hour. He had his cell phone with him and he started to play with it. I asked if he remembered how to use it to make calls. He scrolled down the numbers and then he called his brother Jon! Unfortunately, he got his voice mail. I know Jon would have enjoyed getting that call. Hopefully, Paul will continue to try to use his cell phone to 'reach out and touch someone' and to leave a message the next time.

A very special moment for me was late Saturday night. Mary Beth and James had a 7:30 A.M. flight, so they came into Paul's room to say goodbye to him. He understood what was going on and James leaned over Paul and Paul hugged him and said " Goodbye Jamesie". We all prayed, holding hands. We prayed for Paul's continued recovery and also a prayer of thanksgiving to God for answering the heartfelt prayer that Jamesie said on November 11, while he held my hand as we stood under the crucifix.

Time does fly by. Thank you all for staying with us in thought and prayer. It continues to sustain us.

Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL FIDERO - WHO IS ALSO AWESOME!