Lilburn Home Companions

Tuesday, 2/28

We had 2 of the home health care therapists come to do their evaluations of Paul. The physical therapist was encouraged to see how strong Paul was in his arms,although the left is still a bit weaker and she also said that Paul has good strength in his legs. She walked him around the house and decided that the first thing Paul will need to work on is his balance. He needs someone to be right by his side when he walks, as he tends to lose his balance every so often. He is very good about using the tables or wall or door frames to hold onto as he walks, but she would like to see him be able to walk without the amount of help he requires now. She realizes his strength and low endurance will also need to improve before he will have great success. She will be bringing something that she says is fairly new and it will be something Paul can use to help him with his balance. She won't be here until Thursday for her actual therapy session. We are looking forward for this therapy to continue, as he has lost a good amount of ground in the last few weeks since his pneumonia.

The speech therapist came today and she talked to Paul for awhile and took a big
interest in him, once she found out that he is a musician. Her husband owns a recording studio, so their family is also involved in music. After she worked on a couple of areas, she said that the main area she will be working on is Paul's short term memory and his reading skills. I have had Paul reading out loud to help more with his gaining greater lung capacity. He can read 5-6 words out loud and then has to take a breath. After we finish reading the paragraph, I ask him questions about what he has just read. Like everything else, he has moments where he can do it very well and others where he struggles to answer my questions. Making him read out loud has helped him in talking more readily. Today, he answered the therapists questions well. She had him do work sheets and he did very well with math, counting money, spelling and did well with reading comphrension today. At one point, she placed her hand out in front of Paul and asked him if he could reach out and touch it. He looked at her with a very questioning look and said "I sure hope so". It was a very simple thing for him to do and the tone and look he gave was an indication he knew that if he couldn't do something that simple, he was in worse shape than we all thought! She was actually checking to see if he was still having problems with his hands trembling. He is now having no troubles at all with that. She also checked about the tremors before she had him do some writing skills. After he wrote, I had to let her know that his penmanship was always that bad............smile. He writes exactly as he had before the accident. His spelling is good and she will work with him on his sentence structuring.

When Pam (speech therapist) was finished, she asked questions about his injuries, then asked when he had his accident. When I told her, she stopped writing and looked at me and then at Paul and said "Are you kidding? Do you know what a miracle it is for him to be doing this well after so short a time? I have seen this type of injury before and I have to tell you he is doing incredibly well." She was genuinely amazed. I told her how many people have been praying for Paul and she said to let everyone know to keep it up, since it is clearly helping. So thank you so much, once again, for your continued prayers. Everyone has helped bring about this recovery, through your loving care and prayers. We pray for every person who has offered even one prayer for Paul, that God will bless you with great graces.

There is one area where Paul's memory is improving. He wants to lay down a lot and I need him to stay up a lot more than he is, if we are going to get an increase in endurance. I have started to bargain with him and today said that since he had taken an hour nap, he needed to remain awake and active for an hour. I explained all the reasons why it is important that he put out more effort in this area. He got up and I said we would take a short walk, like maybe just down to the stop sign. He got on his coat and hat and we walked. I was hoping that he would not remember I had set the stop sign as the destination and we would be able to continue a lot farther. Right before he got to the stop sign, he started his turn back home. I asked if he wouldn't like to try a little harder and get more walking in, since we had gone to so much effort getting outside. His memory was sharp as a tack and he said no. He said he had walked to the stop sign and he now wanted to go home to lay down. Well, it appears that Paul does not have as much short term memory problems as I thought - it has become very selective memory loss. It won't be my physical strength that will get Paul to do what is best - this has become a mental war between us and I will need to measure my words so that I can get the best results from this battle! Later, in the afternoon, I told Paul that I would give him a break and not make him walk the 4 times around St. Stephen's parking lot, and would let him sleep if he would do just the 3 rounds (which is our current standard). Yes, I am taking full advantage of this situation. Sleep can be his reward and I will just make sure the goals are worded so that this will be a win-win recovery effort.

Wednesday, March 1
I was thinking about Lent alot and realized that God has spoken very clearly to our family that He wants our attention. I have done a lot of meditating about what God needs from me and what I need to do during Lent. The initial shock is over and now it is time for reflection. Funny how the timing of all this has brought me to day one of Lent, the beginning of a time for personal renewal and purification. I have given it so much thought and have come to the realization that I need God's help in discovering his message for me. I don't know where this event (Paul's accident) is taking our family, but I have learned one thing. God HAS provided the resources to find out. Just like the speech therapist did for me yesterday. I have been scrambling since Paul was discharged from Pathways for things to do with Paul to keep up some sort of therapy program each day. I did not have a clue what to do with him and I kid you not, it caused me to panic. Really panic. I had so much to do just caring for Paul and did not have the time to do any real research. I mentioned this to my sisters and they helped me find some internet sites in the areas of speech and physical therapies. I have pieced together a basic routine, but I didn't feel it was very effective. I am not trained in any of these areas, and while I know Paul very well and an approach that works better for him, I am limited in the knowledge of physical and speech therapies to keep advancing Paul's recovery. Yesterday, Pam left me with activities to do with Paul until she comes back and she said she will do that everytime she comes. I was given a direction and the materials needed to accomplish a goal! It was such a relief to me. A true blessing, to be sure.

Yesterday, I was feeling the same way concerning Lent. What am I called to do this Lent? What does God really want from me? What discipline should I try to improve? My mind was wandering as I tried to come up with a concrete plan for the next 40 days to 'get the best results'. I went to bed last night without a real game plan, still searching for a clue as to what God wanted from me. When I woke this morning, it came to me as clearly as the sun that was shining through the trees. I have the resource necessary at my fingertips. Simply devote my time, my care of Paul, my delight in seeing the beautiful mornings and listening to the birds chirping loudly as they go about tending their nests, my enjoyment of the hot cup of coffee my husband brings me each morning, my struggles with staying very patient with Paul's stubborness - each moment of each day - devote it to the Glory of God. Do not take any of it for granted, because God's hand is in it. Use Lent to perfect this total awareness of God's presence in my life and soul, and grow in my love for Him. He is in everything I encounter, do, see, feel. No moment is without him. If there was a moment He was not present, I would not exist.
Putting my fingertips together in prayer - to thank, to ask forgiveness to request,to plead sometimes, to thank again - is my greatest resource. As I prayed last night, I was lead to read through the night prayers in my Magnificat subcription. This morning, as I read in this book again, the daily readings, I was given the knowledge that if I just put my fingertips together, God will then lead me to the thousands of other resources He has given this world. Mass, scripture, spiritual writings by enlightened authors, the rosary, stories of the lives of the saints, meditation and on and on. It will be through my prayers, meditations, reading and personal sacrifices that I will be led forward. My prayer today is that I will be more perfect in my love for God, with Jesus leading the way. I will look each day for the direction God wants me to go.

Opening Prayer for today's Mass

Lord,
Protect us in our struggle against evil. As we begin the discipline of Lent,
make this day holy by our self-denial.
Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your son, who lives and reigns
with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.

"Even now, says the Lord, return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning; Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the Lord, your God. For gracious and merciful is he, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment."

" A clean heart create for me, O God,
and a steadfast spriit renew within me.
Cast me not out from your presence, and your
Holy Spirit take not from me.
Give me back the joy of your salvation
and a willing spirit sustain in me.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth shall proclaim your praise."

May the Holy Spirit renew our hearts today, as we continue our walk with God.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Brother, Brother, Brother

Jon sees Paul for the first time since December







Concert on the deck (Jon and Paul)









Music 101 with Jon and Jon!










The boys after Mass on Sunday










Paul's brother Jon came home for a visit on Thursday and it has been a wonderful weekend, which is why I have not posted anything since then. It has been the best thing for Paul, which is no surprise. Paul was very tired when Jon got home Thursday night, but stayed awake for a little while. Friday morning, when I woke Paul, I asked him if he remembered who his new roommate was. He said no and so I asked him who was sleeping in the other bed. He looked over and smiled a little bit and said "Jonny". It was one of many tender moments that I got to see between these 2 brothers.

It was also the best medicine for Michael. He and Jon got to spend a good amount of time together and Michael was absolutely 'lighthearted' all weekend. God's blessings were flowing like a river for the Fidero Family!

It was a big weekend also because my brother Keith and his wife were coming into town so that they could be here for the going away party for Joseph Rickels (our nephew). He is in the Army and is leaving for his first tour of duty on March 5th. He will go to Germany, then to Iraq, which will keep us all busy in prayer. So there was a lot going on in Atlanta this weekend.

Friday morning, we were going to go to Mass, but things headed downhill right after breakfast. I had been so excited about the day because Paul woke up and was having a good day. We were right on time with the schedule, and I was going to give Paul a bit more food through the stomach tube, since he had not eaten much for breakfast. After I had done this, Jon had taken him upstairs to get his teeth brushed. While in the bathroom he got sick and was not able to hold onto his breakfast. I have to admit, I was so thankful he was standing and in the bathroom when this happened. Since Paul doesn't say that he hurts, it is hard to know when he isn't feeling well. As he had started the day out so well, I did not even think he might be sick. I was so relieved he was not laying down when this happened. We got him back to bed and he had one more occurence and then he was okay. I was not sure if he had a stomach flu or if possibly he just had too much food. We were going to be out for a couple of hours and I wanted him to have the energy, so I gave him a full amount of formula. He might have had more than I thought at breakfast and the formula was just too much. I was upset with myself for possibly being the reason for his sickness. Nothing worse than an over zealous mother! We kept him on small amounts of liquid until late afternoon, then started him back on small amounts of baby food. He was ready to go on Saturday with full feedings again. He never ran a fever, so I do believe he suffered from my mistake. Nursing lesson 101 for me!

Unfortunately, this changed the course of Friday. Jon and I were so disappointed because it had been such a warm and sunny day. Jon got Paul outside on the deck and they sat and talked and Jon played the guitar for Paul. Paul also spent some time on his computer. When Michael came home from school, he and Jon washed Michael's car, while Paul and I sat on the front porch (in the warm sunshine) and watched them. It was so great watching the boys all together. My only disappointment was that James could not be home with us. His schedule had not allowed it and so we are looking forward to his coming home possibly for Spring break.

Also on Friday, a friend I knew from years ago called and came by to visit. She had been Paul's teacher at St. Stephen's in the preparation of his Confirmation. We had not seen each other in a long time, but she had been following Paul's story. A mutual friend had told her about Paul. She felt she should call and come by to offer her help. She remembered that Paul had been a very polite and quiet young man in her 8th grade class and she just felt the calling to come help. She also told me that Jon had been so kind to one of her sons when they were in the youth group together and she had not forgotten that. She has offered to come stay with Paul to help relieve me, so I can get errands run if need be. She is a nurse at Northside hospital. I was so thankful she had come by, not only because of her generous offer but because it was so good to see her again. The other blessing in her coming was her help concerning how much I needed to give Paul in the way of liquids to keep him hydrated while we waited for his stomach to settle back down after the morning mishap.

Friday evening, Keith and Kelly were going to be coming by for the evening but Kelly was pretty sure she had strep throat, since she was starting to feel pretty bad and her daughter Abigail had been diagnosed on Wednesday with the same thing. We were really disappointed she could not come. Keith came by though for a little while and was able to hug Paul. He was amazed at how great Paul looked, since he had not seen him since January. It really helped me to hear his evaluation, since I am here everyday and it is more difficult to get that bird's eye view. We had a terrific time Friday evening, then all the men went out to 'Trivia Night' at a local restaurant.

Saturday morning brought lots of rain and cold. But Paul was the sunshine for us. He was feeling well and started to eat better. Jon (son) got the juicer out and showed us how to use it. I had decided to wait until he got home before I tried to use it, as I had no experience with one. I haven't had the time to really get involved with it, so we had a fun morning as Jon demonstrated the use and care of it for us. Paul sat watching and his expression was what I expected it would be! He was looking at Jon just as if he was completely recovered......with the thought that it was too much trouble for so little output. I half expected Paul to say "yeah that's all cool - do you want to go to Wendy's?" In the afternoon, the rain stopped for a little bit, so Jon said we should hurry and get Paul outside for a walk. We bundled him up and we took an umbrella and started our walk. It started to drizzle but we kept on. Jon Sr had run an errand and drove by us. He drove home and then ran to catch up with us. As we headed back home, Jon thought his brother should walk a bit further and as we came to our driveway, Jon told Paul that we were going to walk on. Paul asked why and Jon told him he needed to get more excercise. Paul told him "you can, but I won't be going." Paul decided that this walking in the drizzle nonsense was over! I agreed, as I didn't want Paul to get chilled. He was staying dry, but it was cold.

We packed Paul up later that evening to take him to my sister's house for the party. Poor kelly had to stay at Bev's daughter's home so that she would not get anyone sick. I know it was a huge disappointment for her, as she wanted to see Paul and Abby dog! Paul sat down in his Aunt Bev's lounge chair and watched everyone around him. His dad was with him and Paul noticed that his brothers were in the kitchen with his cousins, so he got up and walked into the kitchen to be with them. He didn't say anything, but wanted to be part of the crowd. They got him a chair to sit in and he sat there listening to everyone. After about 20 minutes, he was tired and went back to the lounge chair. Some time later, he joined the 'kitchen crowd' again. We were happy to see him take the initiative to get up and do what he wanted to do. Jon and Jon took Paul home a short time after that, and I was able to stay and visit with friends and family. It was a great time out for me!

Paul had not done a lot of eating on his own on Saturday. He got mostly formula feedings. But he held up very well through all the activities and visiting. Saturday night, I heard Jon talking to Paul and it was around midnight. I got up to check on them and Jon said he saw that Paul was awake and so he was just talking to him. It was another one of those tender moments I had mentioned. Jon was reassuring Paul that everything was okay and then Jon asked Paul a lot of questions about what he was thinking and about old times. Jon was sitting on the side of Paul's bed, holding his hand and talking gently to him. I know this was the best medicine Paul had received since Jon left to get married. Paul loves Jon so much because Jon has always been a terrific older brother who has shared his love openly with all our sons. Paul has always been very close to Jon and I know he has missed Jon a lot, as he has said so when we have talked about Jon.

We went to the 8:30 Mass on Sunday and it was nothing short of gloriously joyous for me. I so wanted James to be with us and I kept him in my heart as I sat with my 3 other sons and husband. My eyes kept tearing as I thanked God for letting me be a witness to the love shared between brothers and between father and sons. I could not believe how blessed this family has been, in that God allowed Paul to remain with us. I don't have any idea about the future for Paul, but I had this moment to hold onto in my memory. One amazing thing also happened Sunday morning. I was helping Paul wake up and I reminded him again that Jon was in his room with him. He again looked over and smiled. I asked him what day it was and he did not know. I told him it was Sunday and that we were going to Mass. I then asked him if he knew what he was receiving when he went to Communion. He nodded and then just pointed upward. I hugged him and confirmed it by saying "Yes Paul, you receive Jesus." Paul doesn't really have to know much else does he? The one area he is totaly cognizant(and has been all along) is his knowledge of his faith. He remembers the prayers of the rosary, he remembers to sign himself with holy water, he knows that Jesus is present in the Eucharist and I have seen him praying along with us at Mass. He always genuflects when he comes into the Sanctuary, no matter how difficult it has been. What a beautiful sign that he is always God's first, just as we all are. It brings great comfort to me knowing that God is in charge. I am still working on patience and trust and hope, but I have improved in finding joy in so many more things.

One of the joys of this weekend was at Mass on Sunday. I did not realize the Mass intention was for my mother, Beverly Brown. I was happy to hear that it was when it was announced. My joy was complete when the choir started to sing a song called "You are Mine". When my father died on Easter morning 4 years ago, I softly sang this to him because it was something I found on Holy Thursday as I was at Mass. Dad could not be there as he was dying of cancer. I knew it was only days before he would die and I was finding comfort that he was going to be joining Jesus in this very holy season. He and I had always shared our love of Lent and Easter and I have shared this time of year with Mom and Dad many, many times. ( Dad was also Jon's sponsor when Jon was confirmed into the Catholic faith, which is what helped me understand more fully what Lent/Easter means for all people.) So when I came across this song, I felt such comfort for Dad. And so I sang it to him Easter morning. I also read the words to all the family when we gathered together to pray before we took my father to St. Louis to be buried. And here I was, at Mass on this past Sunday, the Sunday before Lent begins on Ash Wednesday and it was a Mass for my mother. And the song I sang for my father was being sung. God was talking to me and letting me hear the words of the song to let me know He is with us all.

You Are Mine
I will come to you in the silence, I will lift you from all your fear.
You will hear my voice, I claim you as my choice,
be still and know I am here.

I am hope for all who are hopeless, I am eyes for all who long to see.
In the shadows of the night, I will be your light,
Come and rest in me.

I am strength for all the despairing, healing for the ones who dwell in shame.
All the blind will see, the lame will all run free,
And all will know my name.

I am the Word that leads all to freedom, I am the peace the world cannot give.
I will call your name, embracing all your pain,
Stand up, now walk, and live.

Do not be afraid, I am with you. I have called you each by name. Come and follow
me, I wll bring you home; I love you and you are mine.

*************
With this song I am reminded of the same words spoken by our beloved late Pope John Paul - Be not Afraid. And so, I now Stand Up and will go take care of Paul!

The peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

p.s. Paul asked is father for "240 seconds please". When Jon asked him how much would he accept in return for just getting up and he said "one hundred dollars". Paul is definitely on his way to recovery. I am just concerned we won't have the 'time or the money' to contnue his care!

How do I love thee?

Michael and Paul after taking a ride in Mike's new car that replaced his truck.






All of us at Sunday Mass










Paul, Michael and Jon filling the room with music!









(Wednesday Night)
I guess even Paul is getting tired of telling his dad 'one minute please' when being woken in the morning. Yesterday, he woke up asking "why am I getting up?" and when told that it was morning and it was time for a shower, Paul said "120 seconds please". Jon and I laughed so hard, and we felt Paul earned his 120 seconds due to his creativity. Later, I thought about it again and was laughing softly. Since Paul was looking at me I said "I love you so much. Do you know just how much I love you?" Paul shrugged his shoulders. I said to him " On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you THINK I love you?" He sat for about 15 seconds and then said "ten point five". (Yes Paul, that is how I love thee.) One more time I was laughing hard. Paul got a lot of hugs and smiles throughout the day as I remembered these things.

Yesterday we went to Mass at 9:00 AM and Fr. Paddy said that since it has been raining so much, I could bring Paul inside and we could walk around the perimeter of the sanctuary to help Paul keep up his walking. Then my friend,Patty Palmquist mentioned that we could contemplate the 14 Stations of the Cross as we walked around. Fr.Paddy said that it would not have as good a benefit physically for Paul to stop at each station. So he suggested we walk around 14 times. That will about do it - I can contemplate the stations of the cross as I help Paul walk the distance, which will be good for Paul and me, spiritually and physically. Obviously, we will do this only if no one is there praying so we don't disturb anyone. Also, Fr. Paddy gave Paul a medal of St. Benedict that Fr. Paddy got while he was in Brazil. It is very beautiful and we have attached it to Paul's scapular that he wears.

Paul had a bad headache for most of yesterday and we didn't get as much accomplished as I had hoped. We did some reading comprehension and math problems, plus I did some vision therapy to help the muscle in Paul's left eye. We worked more on his swallowing and we have continued to have success with using a spoon first, to get Paul used to swallowing his liquids. Then, when he wants to use a straw, I just pinch the straw after he has taken a small amount. He can swallow this way easily and has been very patient with this method. Today, he almost finished his cup of milk, taking very small sips. At lunch, he did fairly well with a milkshake.

We met with the nutritionist at Shepherd Center downtown today. She went over what Paul will need in the way of calories to help him gain weight each week. We are to weigh him weekly on the same day, and as long as he is gaining at least a pound or two, that is great. Since he has been home from the hospital 2 weeks ago, Paul has gained 7 pounds, which means a gain of 3 and 1/2 pounds each week. So we are doing great with the amount of food he is receiving. He has started to eat 2 meals a day, and every time he gets anything through his feeding tube, I make sure it is a high calorie feeding or drink. He gets either a fruit smoothie, vegetable juice with baby food added for additional calories and fiber, or milk with the protein powder and a drink called Mighty Shake. These are given in between his meals, which he either eats, or gets the prescribed formula if he doesn't eat a full meal. We are averaging about 2200 calories a day. He weighs 124 pounds now, down from 165, which was before the accident. His ideal weight is actually 172, but Paul has a smaller frame and he fought to get to 165 - mostly attributable to his daily consumption of Wendy's or Subway. He had a double bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's today, so he didn't need much in the way of a supplement at lunch!

We have started to receive calls from the home health care therapists. We received messages on our recorder and have called back and left voice mail. Hopefully, we will have that started some time next week.

I started to have Paul read out loud and then have asked him questions about what he read. He gets about 50% of my questions without my help, and then needs cueing to answer the rest. I still have him say the Hail Mary and Our Father out loud with me while we are driving. I always remind him that it has to be music to God's ears hearing his voice praying. I also ask Paul to tell me what he means when he uses his 'sign' language or points to something. He is getting better about telling me what he wants and in fact, as I was taking his plate away after breakfast, he called out "Wait! I didn't finish my toast". I told him that was great and it was important that he start letting us know his feelings. It is amazing how patient he has been through all of this. I am always asking him questions and turning just about everything into a lesson. He cooperates and follows our instructions well. The only time he actually shows signs that he is not happy is when we have to hold his hands down and his head still to put his eye ointments in. He really struggles to get his hands free. But we can't let him rub his eyes, because he will rub the eye until it gets red and iritated. After we are done getting the ointment and bandaging back on, he will say, "Thanks Mom" and will then let his eye alone for awhile. I have tried to help him understand to not touch his eye at all, but his memory is bad and he does not remember this. I don't leave him alone, as that is when he will rub his eye endlessly. This is the only time we see real resistance from Paul. We can handle it, thanks be to God. It remains to be seen how placid he will be as he gets better and starts to really understand what has happened. Or when he has to really put forth some intense efforts or do things he really doesn't want to do. We'll cross that path when we get there.

Tonight, Jon and I were talking and Jon laughed really hard, which got me laughing too. Paul was looking at both of us and for the first time, he actually laughed. Not just a smile, but a small laugh and then a geniune big smile. It was the highlight of the week for me to see him do that.

Jon took Paul into the music room and Mike was also in there. Mike played the piano and Jon and Paul played the guitars and they had a little jam session. I was able to take a short video of it so we can use it later to show Paul how far he has come, if he gets discouraged about his progress at any point.

After that, we said the rosary and while we prayed the Glorious Mysteries, I thought about how much we are loved. If I was asked how much God loves me, I would take my cue from Paul and I would have to say IT'S OFF THE CHART. He sent Jesus to save us from our sinfulness, and then sent the Holy Spirit to inspire us to step beyond what the world poses to us and then dedicate ourselves to God. We also have been given Mary, Queen of Heaven, who by her intercession is an advocate for every creature on earth. What abundant love God has for his children.

We pray that the gifts of the Holy Spirit help all of you and us to live our lives as witnesses to the power of God active in the world.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Always Something There To Remind Me

Note to self.........all doctor appointments will be scheduled after 10 A.M.........


We had an 8:45 appointment today, which is not so bad in itself, but we had to travel to the north side of town along with 100,000+ other people who had to be at work by 9:00. We got Paul up at 6:15 and cooperative was not an attitude he remembered. He kept giving giving his "5 minutes more" sign and so Jon had to swing his legs down to the floor to help Paul catch our drift. Paul took Jon's hands and pulled himself up slowly. He was a very tired young man today. The doctor appointment was to get a general check up from Paul's internist and everything was good. The follow up xray taken last week showed that the lungs were clear. It also showed that the ribs are healing and actually may be completely healed. They can remain very sore for months though. The next appointment will be the opthamologist. We were not able to get to that appointment last week as it took so long to get Paul ready and out the door. I have learned not to get stressed over these things, since I don't have much control over it anyway! It was a blessing that Jon went to the doctor appointment with me toay. I dropped Paul and Jon off and then went to the parking garage which was a good hike away. As I parked, Jon called me on my cell phone and let me know that the doctor was no longer located in that building. I picked them back up and we proceeded about a 1 mile down the road to the correct location. Had I been alone, we would have missed the internist appointment also. Crisis averted.......

Paul had a very down day on Sunday. He was definitely in a foggy state. We were able to go to Mass and Paul had much better endurance this week. But he was particularly fidgety at Mass. He got home and was not able to really stay very oriented and he did not remember his address or anyone's birthdate (although isn't that common for most men?? Okay, that's a joke!) and other things that he had been able to remember so often. So it appeared his brain was busy doing some repair work on Sunday.

At Mass, we received a relic of Blessed Teresa from one of the women who had come to our home to pray over Paul. She and her husband volunteer at the home run by the Missionaries of Charity and they were allowed to bring the relic to us to keep until Tuesday. Also, we received 4 medals of the Immaculate Heart of Mary that were blessed by Blessed Teresa. We were so happy to have received these and have placed them on the table with the relic of St. Paul. We have started to say the rosary every night before Paul falls asleep and it was so much more special as we said it Sunday night. Paul fell asleep with his rosary in his hands.

God has blessed this day to be sure. My sister Mary Beth consulted with a therapist she knows and was given some advice on how to help Paul with his swallowing liquids. I worked with Paul yesterday morning and he had success with the method, but I wondered if he would be able to duplicate it again. At lunch, I started with giving Paul milk on a teaspoon. After about 8 teaspoons, he was basically impatient and wanted to drink the milk. I explained that he needed to sip the milk, not take a big drink. He followed my instructions and he swallowed easily. He tried it again and had success. Tonight at dinner, he tried immediately to drink milk and I reminded him to sip the milk. He did and stopped as if he would not be able to swallow. I told him to clear his throat, then lower his chin and then swallow. He did each step and was able to swallow. He then went on to have ice cream and as it melted, he had a bit of trouble with it. He took too big a spoonful and I felt that he would not be able to follow through with swallowing that much. He looked at me and gave me the '1 minute' sign and then cleared his throat, and tried again. He kept at it for almost 45 seconds, and then finally I heard him gulp as he swallowed it. He looked up and gave me a big smile and a thumbs up. I jumped up and hugged him and Jon did the same thing. Paul saw his dad coming at him and he said "Easy", which had us laughing all the more. Paul finished his ice cream and then asked for a cup of milk. I got it and he did very well until the last drink. He sat there for about 2 minutes, so I called Jon (son) on the cell phone and handed the phone to Paul to let him talk to his brother. He took the phone, and I could tell he wanted to swallow his milk so much. I reminded him to lower his chin, which he did and then he swallowed again with a big gulp. He then put the phone to his ear and asked "are you still there?"
I heard Jon tell him how proud he was of him and to keep up his efforts. I was glad Paul had been able to have a success with this and that he was surrounded by his family. I could tell he felt proud of himself and I can't help but be hopeful that he will continue to improve with each passing day.

We also went shopping today at the grocery store. I had Paul push the cart through the whole store. I had hoped he would pick out some food he would want to eat, but everything I asked him about he responded with "no thanks". We saw Fr. Paddy and Deacon Mike from St. Stephens and the funny thing was, Paul realized that Deacon Mike had called out to me and I had not heard him. So Paul tapped me and then pointed to Deacon Mike to let me know I had been spoken to! Paul put all the groceries onto the counter and I had him handle the transaction with my debit card, which he was able to do well.

It was a good day and I am so thankful for it. Always something there to remind me ....that there is joy if we look to Jesus every day. He waits for us and fills us with His peace and love when we trust in His ways.

Blessed Teresa message from 1992:

The Joy of Loving Jesus
May you keep the joy of loving Jesus in your hearts and share that joy with all you come in contact with. That radiating joy is something real, for you have no reason not to be happy because you have Christ with you - Christ in your hearts, Christ in the Eucharist, Christ in the poor that you meet, Christ in the smile that you give and in the smile that you receive. Yes, you must live life beautifully and not allow the spirit of the world that makes gods out of power, riches, and pleasure make you forget that you have been created for greater things - to love and to be loved.


God bless all of you and your intentions will be remembered in our rosary tonight. May the Immaculate heart of Mary lead you to a more perfect love for her Son, Jesus Christ!

Love,
Jon and Rebecca

A Penny for Your Thoughts

Paul and one of his very best friends, Brendan Hanrahan. They were in a band together in high school. Brendan is a drummer - a very good one!





Paul and Abby sitting at statue of St. Patrick which is one of the statues on the grounds at our church, St. Stephen's






Abby at St. Stephen's, waiting patiently for us while we go into the Sanctuary






On Friday, the thing I feared most came true. I brought Paul into the kitchen for breakfast and he stood behind the chair and had his hands on the back. He was looking at the plate of food, and I noticed that I didn't have a fork for him, so I started to step away from him to go the 5 feet to the drawer. As I turned, I caught sight of him falling backwards and I lunged forward and was able to catch his arm and it helped to slow his fall. He landed first in a sitting position but he was close to the wall, and then his back hit the wall and then his head. He had a ski cap on, as we had come in from Mass only about 20 minutes prior and he wanted it left on. I did not feel the hit to his head was very hard, but any hit is not acceptable or good. I immediately lifted him away from the wall and sat behind him, holding him in my arms. We sat on the floor this way with me crying and praying quietly, asking for God to please not let anything be wrong with Paul. It was so horrible a moment, I felt almost the same as the day of his accident. Only this time, I felt so responsible. I sat praying so that my nerves would be calmed and I wanted to give Paul time to rest before I tried to stand him back up. I asked him his name and he told me. I asked a number of other questions to see if he was still oriented and he answered everything correctly. We got up and I sat him in the chair. I checked his head for any marks on the scalp and didn't see anything, then checked his back. There was a small reddish mark (no welt) about one inch long and 1/4 inch wide on the middle of his back. That was the only marking. I asked him if he was okay and he said yes. I asked if he had pain anywhere and he said his head. I got him tylenol, and we sat there for about 15 minutes more. I checked the dialation of his eye and it was fine. He did not have a stomachache either. He stayed oriented, so I had him start to eat breakfast. After breakfast, I had him lay down and I watched him closely for the next hour. He was fine and he stayed awake. I gave him a magazine to read while I sat watching him. I sat there feeling so upset with myself for his falling, most especially since I have been so fanatical about staying with him no matter what he is doing. I know the chances of his falling are increased 3 fold due to the brain injury, and I have taken my responsibility to help prevent this very seriously. I knew that I could do nothing about it after it happened, so I blessed him with the Padre Pio Blessed Oil that my friend Sharon Nixon had brought to me, and I signed Paul with the relic from St. Paul, asking that the saints in heaven pray for God to spare Paul any more injury. I placed all my trust in God and thanked Blessed Mother and the saints for praying with me in this intention.

After a couple of hours, I asked Paul questions again and he was still oriented as he had been. I knew I would have to watch him for the next couple of days also. It was not raining and I knew there was rain in the forecast for the weekend, so I got Paul bundled up and we drove to St. Stephen's church to take a walk while the weather was good. I told Paul we would take it easy and maintain a slower pace than the day before, which Paul had set and it had been a good brisk pace. I figured we would walk the parking lot once and that would be enough. Abby dog was with us again and she seemed to understand that something was different that day, and she stayed fairly close to us. When we got to the entrance of the church, Paul wanted to go in, just as he had the day before. I told him that Abby could not be left alone outside, but Paul really wanted to go in. I brought Abby in the first set of doors, but would not let her enter the second set. She sat down and looked a bit sad as I tried to let her know we would be right back. Paul went in and sat down in the Narthex and after a little bit, went to get a drink from the water fountain. He was not able to swallow the water, but he seemed determined to try. Then he stopped and looked into the Sanctuary for about a minute and then turned around and went back outside. It made me wonder what Jesus had to say to him, as he stood looking into the Sanctuary, with the tabernacle being straight ahead. People may think I read too much into things, but if you had seen the intent look on Paul's face, I know the same thing would have crossed your mind.

We went back outside and I had my camera with me, so I asked Paul to sit at the statue of St. Patrick of Ireland and I would take a picture of him and Abby. I got the pictures and then walked to Paul and sat next to him. I glanced up at the statue behind us and noted that Paul was under the right hand of St. Patrick. In that hand is a 3 leaf clover and I smiled thinking that there was no luck about Paul's life and in that moment felt confident that God would look with kindness on us and not let there be further injury to Paul. As we stood, I then noticed that there were 3 coins resting on that same hand - 2 pennies and a dime. I laughed because I was immediately reminded of a story that had been sent to me at my email address. It was about a man who was very wealthy and he was with some friends and as they were walking into a building he noticed a penny on the ground. He stopped and picked it up and put it in his pocket. His friends laughed and joked about it since he was so wealthy, yet still picked up a penny. He said that he picked it up because it was actually his way of stopping to think about his relationship with God. The words on the penny are IN GOD WE TRUST and when he finds money on the ground, he always stops to pick it up so that he can think about how well he is trusting God at that moment in his life. He asks himself "Do I really trust in God?" and does an assessment of where he is in his relationship with God.

I picked up one of the pennies and read the words IN GOD WE TRUST and then looked up to God and said "YES God, I do". I knew He was asking me and I felt so happy to answer Him. Paul would be fine and I would promise to be even more careful with this child He had sent me. The reason I remembered this story so quickly when I saw those pennies was because just the day before I had found a penny coming out of church and had picked it up and had put it in my coat pocket. I took my penny out of my coat pocket and put it with the others for someone else to find. Now there were 3 pennies in St. Patrick's hand, to represent the Trinity!

We walked around the parking lot 2 times since Paul had the strength, which I was grateful for. He has such a long way to go in building his endurance.

Then, on Friday evening, my friend Constance and her Ego came to visit. (They are from Nigeria and their voices are so musical and joy filled.) It was wonderful to see Constance, as she is in my Theresian prayer group. She brought 3 red roses, which was another sign to me that God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are with us. Her friend gave me the names of some people we can contact who can help us possibly with some of our needs in caring for Paul in our home. She works with the disabled and said there are all sorts of resources available and I now have some contact names. Constance thought her friend could be of assistance to us, so that is why she came by to introduce us. After we visited and she shared a lot of information, these 2 wonderful women of God prayed over Paul and once again, asked that the Holy Spirit fill him with the strength and grace needed to reach his full recovery. Ego told Paul to "claim what God has already granted". She looked at Paul and said that she knows God has heard the prayers of so many people and Paul's recovery will happen. Paul just needs to go after it. She told him to work hard and to pray for that strength. Her words filled me with great hope and renewed strength to keep up the fight with Paul. What a loving God we have. He has never failed to send me messages that He is with us and that through the example of Jesus Christ crucified and the Holy Spirit being sent after the resurrection of Jesus,we are never alone and He will give us what we need. Always. Nothing brings me greater joy than this knowledge He has graced me with.

Paul has been fine all day today too. We let him sleep until 8 a.m. but then got him up so he would not be too long before getting food into his system. He ate very well and he played the guitar with his dad again. He also did not try to take off the eye patch and his eye is looking 100% better tonight. His friend Brendan Hanrahan came to visit and stayed a couple of hours. It was terrific to see him, since it has been awhile. He goes to school in Clemson and doesn't get home too often. He is one of Paul's very best friends since they were in high school together. Paul said a couple of things in response to Brendan's remarks or questions. Brendan told us that Paul had called him the other night and they had a good conversation. Also, Brendan has sent Paul messages over the internet and he said that Paul's responses are fairly coherent. Paul seemed really tired today, so he ended up laying on the couch during most of Brendan's visit, but listened intently to the conversations Jon, Mike and I had with Brendan. After Brendan left, Jon took Paul upstairs and they wateched the DVD of one of Paul's concerts with his band that had been taped on 9/17/05. It was the first time I had seen this concert, or Paul on stage with this band. It was fun to see him so strong and doing what he loves best. Paul watched it with great interest and after awhile, he said he remembered the songs. He then watched another DVD that has his favorite guitarists in concert. That is what he fell asleep to. Rock on Paul and sweet dreams.

My soul, give thanks to the Lord, all my being, bless his holy name. (Ps.103:1)

We pray that the angels and saints carry your intentions to our heavenly Father on high.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

I'm walking, yes indeed and I'm talking.........

After I wrote the blog yesterday about Paul not being able to continue his therapy at Shepherd Pathways, I realized a very positive thing that we could do for Paul's daily therapy. Something that I had mentioned before that I missed a lot ever since Paul's accident. Daily Mass. We started day one of home therapy with Mass. Yes, we got to "Come and See". It was a tough start to the morning, but Paul and I made it just as Fr. John started the Mass. Paul entered the sanctuary, stopped and bowed, then we went to the pew and he again made sure to genuflect. He pulled himself back up and was able to receive Holy Communion. We stayed and prayed for a few minutes after Mass. Paul had not tired like I thought he might. We visited with friends afterward and then we went home. I had wanted to get Paul walking in the parking lot for excercise, but he had not had much for breakfast and I wanted him to get all the fuel he would need to do a bit of walking today. The weather was beautiful and warm, and I wanted to take full advantage of that. We went home and Paul ate a very large breakfast, then we did some writing excercises and then while I cleaned the kitchen and did a load of laundry, Paul read a new guitar magazine. He then signed on to his computer and had some communications with a couple of friends. I fixed a bit of food for him since it had been a couple of hours since he had eaten. We were going to leave and go take our walk, but as we were driving out of our subdivision, we saw Paul's friends, Jake Arnold and Andrew Gibson, driving in. We came back home and they stayed for about an hour. Paul did not talk - just a couple of words. He was listening, but did not talk. He does very well while on a cell phone, but when faced with people, he listens and will nod yes or no in answer to questions. I explained that for awhile, Paul will be the one who benefits the most from these visits. He needs to reconnect with his friends, so that things that were familiar to him before will be back in his life. This will help him draw on past experiences and will help his memory. When I asked him if he knew who his friends were, he nodded yes, and he said their names. After they left, he even referred to them as his 'band mates'. That was encouraging since he said last week he didn't remember being in a band. He and I talked a good bit after they left, which was the most Paul had talked all day.

Paul and I went to St. Stephen's parking lot to do our walking, so that we could take Abby dog with us. I can't hold her leash and help stabilize Paul at the same time, and I knew she would stay near me if she wasn't on a leash, as long as there were not other people or dogs around. We have a park very close to us, but Abby would need to be on a leash. We walked around the parking lot one time, stopped for about minutes and walked it again. It was so beautiful outside and Paul and I talked as we walked the perimeter. He does not initiate conversation, but responded to everything I asked or commented on. I was not sure about the distance we walked, so when we got back into the car, I drove around the parking lot and it was 2/10 of a mile around. Since we walked it 2 times, Paul had walked 4/10 of a mile. I was delighted to see him complete 2 'laps' as there is a small incline to the parking lot. Paul actually worked up a sweat and was breathing harder, but not out of breath. It was a great first attempt and I am looking forward to getting him up to a mile as soon as he can. He had plenty of endurance for this and when we got back home, I fully expected him to want to lay down. It was about 3:30 and Paul had not had any nap up to this point, nor did he try to lay down.

When we got back into the house, I offered him some ice water. I was hoping that since he was thirsty enough, he might swallow it easily. While he could not swallow any water, he did stand at the kitchen sink for about 25-30 minutes, taking sip after sip in an effort to swallow the water. That is the first time he has taken so much time to try to overcome this problem. It shows he is aware something isn't right and was working to solve it.

I had him lay down to rest before dinner. He slept for about an hour and woke up feeling very good. He ate a large amount of dinner, which was terrific. Dinner is usually the meal he can't eat, since he either has a headache or is too tired.

One problem we have had with Paul in the last 3 days is that he keeps rubbing his left eye. We keep a thick cream in his eye, since he can't blink and his eye would get too dry. For no apparent reason, he will start rubbing his eye, and then it gets iritated and then we begin a vicious cycle of trying to explain to Paul to stop rubbing it. I have tried a number of patches to keep his eye from becoming iritated, but Paul can't remember to not touch his eye or rub it. He basically causes his own problem. During the night, he will pull the patch off and will rub it. So when he wakes up, there is no protection over his eye. I have made an opthamologist appointment today with our regular doctor, since the specialist we were referred to could not tell us what to do to keep the eye protected. I am prayerful we can find an answer to this, as Paul's eye needs to be left alone so it can heal. Please pray for us to be led in our search for an answer.

Last night 3 women from St. John Neumann's Life in the Spirit prayer group came to our home to pray over Paul. Jon, Mike and I sat with Paul, and we prayed some prays first, then the women laid their hands on Paul and prayed over him, calling on the Holy Spirit for a healing. We prayed that the Blessed Mother would intercede on our behalf and with the angels and saints, take our prayers to God. Paul sat very still and waited the 15-20 minutes, as prayers were being offered up for him. It was so peaceful during all of this, that I found myself renewed in my faith that God does hear our prayers and we will continue to wait. I know Paul's healing will truly be according to God's will.

Paul stayed up until 9:40 and fell asleep before we got the foot casts on him. (We are using those to keep his tendons stretched so that walking will continue to go well).

All in all, a good first day of therapy. He ate well, walked and talked more than he ususally does. (Except with his friends - that will come in due time, once he gets more exposure to his friends.) If any of Paul's friends are reading this, please call to let us know a good time to visit. Paul keeps his cell phone with him, and he is getting better about answering it. Or you can call my cell phone 678-481-1156.
Thank you so much for your continued support. Your visits will help Paul in his recovery, even though you may not get a lot of talking out of him. He does understand what you are saying, it is just tough for him to respond quickly or at all. His brain struggles to find the words and if he sees someone in front of him, there is more pressure on him and then he tends to 'freeze'. But with time and prayers, he will overcome his obstacles.

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

God's blessings to all of you in this day. We are going to make an 'Olympic' effort trying to get up to a mile a day walk!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Homeward Bound

We had our family asessment meeting today with the case manager and therapists at Shepherd Pathways Center. It was not at all what we had hoped it would be. Paul lost a lot of strength during his illness with pneumonia and he has a difficult time getting through the 3 hours of therapy he receives the 3 days a week that he goes. They have determined that it might be in Paul's best interest to let him stay at home and have home health care. A physical, occupational and speech therapist will come to our home to do Paul's therapies so that he will not use his energies leaving home. We were surprised to hear this, but I prayed on the way home that we will be able to find good therapists to help Paul. He will be evaluated again in a month to see if he has the endurance to handle the curriculum at Pathways. We were instructed to work with him on a daily routine which would include chores around the house (we will tell Paul he always loved helping us before his accident..............smile) and get as much excercise as possible to build his endurance. I have a meeting with a nutritionist at Shepherd Hospital next Wednesday to go over Paul's needs to help him build his strength back up. The speech therapist will be sending material over to help us work with Paul in this area. It was apparent to the therapists that Paul does more communicating at home then with them and while he is at Shepherd, it is hard for them to get much out of Paul. He does not seem to be able to get his bearings and is very confused about why he is there. He tires so easily that by the second hour he wants to take a nap. He did very well in his therapy with the music therapist, so they also suggested we make sure to incorporate music into Paul's daily routines, along with excercise and reading/writing skills.

We feel like we are back at square one, but I know God has a plan for Paul and that all this will serve a purpose. Yes, I am clueless at this moment about that plan or purpose, but I know that we will be led according to God's will. I do not doubt that for one moment! I won't deny that a moment of fear came over me as they were telling us they didn't think they could help us at this time. Later, I found find peace thinking about how God's ways have been mysterious to us before and that our only response is to trust in Him and know He loves us so much. He wants us to have faith. That is all He is asking of us right now. I can do that, because your prayers have brought so much grace and strength! Visibly so.

We have talked with a few of Paul's friends and have asked that they visit Paul to help him reconnect with his life before 11/11. He has been online with some of them through instant messaging and he has talked on the cell phone with them. We are hopeful that his seeing his buddies again will bring him along a little more quickly. Spending all his days with mainly his mother has to be enough to cause him to regress! I think about how that must be for a 21 yr old male, and almost all his waking moments he is with his mom. Yes, I am quite sure he needs his friends around him, doing the things they used to do, and having more age-relavent conversations.

I was reading the gospel of St. Mark 2:1-12. A paralytic man is brought to Jesus by 4 of his friends. They cannot get near Jesus so they go through the roof and drop the man in from the top. They ask Jesus to heal him and Jesus tells the man his sins are forgiven. He answers the questions of the Pharisees ("Why does this man speak in this way? It is blasphemy! Who can forgive sins but God alone?) by saying "Why do you raise such questions in your heart? Which is easier to say to the paralytic man, 'Your sins are forgiven' or to say 'Stand up and take your mat'? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has the authority on earth to forgive sins" he said to the paralytic man " I say to you stand up and take your mat and go to your home."

This gospel reminds us that first, the friends were very persistent in helping their friend get to Jesus. They did not give up when they saw the crowds around Jesus, but found another very difficult way in to the building Jesus was in. Today, we found a door that was closed, but through our persistent prayers we will find a window! Paul will reach his full recovery.

Also, the friends of the paralytic man asked Jesus to heal the man. Jesus first told the man his sins were forgiven. The lesson here is that while it would take nothing on the part of Jesus to bring Paul full recovery, it appears he is asking us to get our spiritual lives healed and strong first, as that is more important than anything else - more than our physical well being. How else do we expect to enter into our home in heaven if we are not resolved in our spiritual life to seek the kingdom of God?

So, once again, we will "seek the kingdom of God first in all things" and accept that we may not understand the course of events, but will have faith that it is the right course. God's hand is in all things.

Paul was pretty tired today when we got home and his eye was really hurting him, so he didn't eat much lunch. I fixed the feeding for the stomach tube and while it was flowing in, I sat praying the rosary out loud. Paul closed his eyes almost immediately as he rested while being fed and I thought he had fallen asleep. He was not moving at all and even the tremor in his hands stopped. But then I noticed his lips moving ever so slightly and I realized he was silently praying the Hail Mary's with me. God must truly be speaking to Paul in the silence of his heart.

Lord, grant us the grace to grow stronger in our faith and love for you, so that we don't let any obstacles weaken our relationship with you, through the intercession of Our Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of God.

Praise be His Holy Name,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Heal your people, Lord!

Paul and his dad reach the first landing of stairs at church









Paul and his dad ascending the stairs at Holy Spirit Catholic Church








Paul and his dear friend, Susan Vogtner









Jon, Paul and Rebecca









The prayers of so many were certainly heard in heaven, as we were able to get Paul to Holy Spirit Catholic Church for the Mass on 2/11, the feast of Our Lady Lourdes. We woke to a cold and rainy day, so I had to think carefully about whether we should take Paul out in it. He did not have any pain and was very alert, so we started to get him ready at 7 a.m. to have plenty of time to get going by 10:00. Our morning went very smoothly, so we took that as a sign to proceed forward. I left before Jon so that I could receive the sacrament of Reconciliation at St. Stephen's, and Jon met me there so we could also take Patty Palmquist with us. Patty read some prayers to us from the book of 15 Saturday devotions of our Lady of Pompeii as we drove almost an hour to Holy Spirit Church.

The entrance to Holy Spirit has a large set of stairs, and we didn't know where there was another entrance. The rain had stopped, so Jon took Paul up the stairway and I got a blanket and other supplies we might need and met them at the top. There had to be 25-30 steps and I was thinking that would about do it for Paul. But when I got to the top, he was fine. We entered the sanctuary and went to sit up near the front. Paul stopped at the pew and we motioned for him to sit down, but he gave us the 'one minute' sign and he then struggled to genuflect. He knelt on both knees and signed himself. Then he got up with our help and sat down in the pew. We had an hour before Mass, but there was going to be a rosary said first. About 15 minutes later, Jon's cell phone rang. It was Michael and he had just had a car accident. I realized immediately that something was wrong, as Jon got up and was leaving the church hurriedly and his voice let me know Mike had an emergency. Patty stayed with Paul, and I met Jon in the back of the church. Mike was okay, so I talked to him to make sure he knew what to do next. After he made sure no one was hurt, I told him I would call his Aunt Beverly. I was able to reach her at home, and she and Joe were able to get to Mike in about 15 minutes. We were over an hour away and I didn't want Mike to be alone. I then let Mike know help was on the way. Bev called me right back and told us to stay for the Mass, they would take care of Mike. Jon and I talked about it and decided that we would stay, since we had made it this far. As the rosary was being prayed by all those who were at the church, I was once again sitting in one place with one son, and was not able to be with another son who needed us. November 11 and February 11.....2 accidents, but praise be to God there were different outcomes. I told Mike that God surely was calling him by name and to pray for the guidance to do His will, and that truly Our Lady of Lourdes had surrounded Michael with her love and protection. I knew too that Our Lady of Lourdes had Paul right next to her heart, just like Michael and that all would be taken care of.

Paul followed the Mass very well, and stood, sat and knelt through most of the Mass. He walked to the altar for both the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick and also to receive the Eucharist. He did not show signs of fatigue, which let me know convincingly that Our Lady was providing him with the strength he needed. When Mass was over, Paul did something that let me know he was cognizant of what he was doing and where he was. Our family has always knelt back down after the last song has been sung and the priest has left the altar. We take a few minutes more to spend time with Jesus. As the priests and the Archbishop left, the people around us started to hug us and let us know they were praying for Paul. Paul was not paying attention to them - he immediately knelt back down and was in his own thoughts. After a full minute, he then got back up and let people hug him. There were people from St. Stephen's that we knew, who were also there for their own intentions at the healing Mass. It was good to be with them, joining our prayers with theirs for everyone's healing. Also, Paul's dear friend Susan Vogtner came and she sat next to Paul during the Mass. He remembered her and I was so happy for him to have a friend near by. (We know that any break from our constant presence has got to be a relief for Paul!!!)

After Mass a priest had come back down the aisle and he told Paul that he knew Paul would have a good recovery. He asked Paul his name and Paul spoke it. Then the priest said that he would be saying Mass for Paul the next day. I thanked him for this and said that we appreciated it very much and that God had truly blessed our miracle child. The priest leaned over to Paul and told him that he too was a miracle child and he knew that Paul would have a full recovery. I asked the priest his name and he said Fr. John Fallon. We have never met Fr. Fallon, but his words brought so much comfort to us. I thanked him again for his reassuring words and his prayers.

Then the photographer from the Georgia Bulletin came over to take Paul's picture and he gave us a prayer card that he keeps in his wallet and recites the prayer everyday. He wanted Paul to have it so Paul could pray it also every day. We have it on Paul's night stand, along with the St. Padre Pio holy oil and the relic of St. Paul. We use these every night to bless Paul as we pray for his recovery. We have received so many wonderful holy cards and prayers and we are keeping these all for Paul. I know that each one will serve a purpose for him at the right moment, just as they have when they were first received by us.

Four hours later, we had Paul home, and into bed for a very long afternoon nap. He had a headache that night, and again today. But by late afternoon, he was back to being very alert and he ate a good lunch and fairly good dinner. He tried to drink milk again and was able to swallow the first sip. I am encouraged that he keeps trying. Also - he was at the bathroom sink last night and after washing his hands, he opened the cabinet and got his toothbrush without me asking or cueing him. He followed through with getting toothpaste on it and completed the task all the way to putting his toothbrush away. I did not have to even ask him..........he just did it. Big news around here!!

He played his guitar again tonight, but not very well. His hands have been shaking mildly since he got pneumonia, and we are not sure why this is happening. His medications may not be the right dosage since he has lost so much weight since they were first prescribed. I will be following up with Dr. Taubin this week about that.

I read the prayer of Saint Bernadette Soubirous, who was favoured with a series of visions of the Blessed Virgin Mary at Lourdes, France. How appropriate for us all.

"I want my whole life to be inspired by love. He who loves, does all things easily, or, if he suffers, he loves that suffering. Why is suffering necessary? Because on earth, pure love cannot exist without suffering. O Jesus, Jesus, I no longer feel my cross when I think of yours.
O my soul, be the faithful imitator of Jesus meek and humble of heart. He who has been meek and humble of heart deserves to be glorified. What then will be the reward of those who, interiorly humble and exteriorly humiliated, have followed the humility of our Saviour in all its dimenstions?
O Mary, my dear Mother, here is your poor child, unable to carry on any longer. You know my needs and above all my spiritual distress. Have pity on me. Grant that one day I may be with you in heaven.
I shall do everything to gain heaven, for there is my home. There I shall find my Mother in all her celestial glory and with her I shall enjoy the happiness of Jesus himself. O Mary, most loving Mother, grant that following your example, I may be generous in all the sacrifices that our Lord may ask of me during my life.
O Mother, offer me to Jesus. O Mother, take my heart and conceal it in the heart of my Jesus.

What a glorious day for us all, and while we weren't in Lourdes, France - we knew Our Blessed Mother was with us!

"I turn to you, Lord, in time of trouble, and you fill me with the joy of salvation."
Psalm 32

Peace in our Lord Jesus Christ,
Jon and Rebecca

Trip Down Memory Lane

Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments on Friday. As always, very inspiring and extremely helpful too. Thursday night I was able to attend my women's prayer group and it was wonderful and I know that we have to start scheduling some time for ourselves. Mike has been able to get back out with his friends and he is very busy, just like he used to be. He had to take math again as a 7th period class, so isn't home until 5:30. Mike is doing really well in his classes and is adjustering to the changes. He is trying to get Paul out each evening for a ride in his truck. They take the dog and Mike goes to the local places he and Paul went to before. He doesn't take Paul in, but drives around to help Paul get a sense of his surroundings, and hopefully make some connections.

We are able to talk to Jon and Jim 3-4 times a week and they call Paul on his cell phone. We miss them so much and are looking forward to their trip home sometime this month. Coordinating schedules between work and school for Jon, Marie and James has taken a bit of time. It is a 9 - 10 hour drive home and they can only come on weekends. Just seeing them for a day will be a huge joy!

The comments from my cousin Barb Rosen about her sister, Lynn, have been extremely helpful in putting this in perspective. I think that on Wednesday, I just finally came to terms with the reality of what we were facing and that the 'instant' miracle was not going to be the answer. But miracles have happened and they will be seen on some days and not on others, it is not intended for us to know. The thing is, I am not one for big changes. I don't mind changing the furniture around every couple of months, but that about takes care of my need for something different in my life. I had gotten so used to our routine of morning Mass, the monthly rosary walk, women's prayer group, CCD classes and Renew group. We filled in with whatever struck us in the moment. Jon and I were always together - we were care free 50 yr olds and had finally reached the stage where we were thinking about just the 2 of us again. The reality of this change hit me hard and I wanted to have answers! Too many whys and I was desperate for my comfort zone again. Hence, my anger toward God. His spotlight is now shining on the areas He has chosen to change about me - my lack of patience, my complacency, my liking to be in control. By golly, God let me be back in control again - of when Paul has to get up, eat, drink, sleep, bathe, get to therapy and back. I am in control of the maintanence of Paul and God kept control of Paul's breathing and his soul. It is testing my patience and I see now that I can fail miserably............smile. God knows that practice makes perfect. I have been jarred out of my complacency in my ways of faith, hope, charity and my prayer life - yes indeed, fervency is becoming a new word in my vocabulary! I guess God got as tired waiting for me to do what He needed, as I am of waiting for Paul to agree to get up out of bed each morning!!

I do realize that our Paul that we knew before the accident will probably be changed in ways that will be more obvious to close friends and family. Most times I can look at his face and actually smile as I wonder what God has in store for him, as God knows better than I do who Paul needs to be. I have been reminded by those who have walked this road that we are in the infancy of our journey. and that our family will be changed forever. It finally occurred to me just how long the journey will be. After doing this for 3 months, hour after hour, the road ahead looked too daunting. I have to remain hopeful that it won't whittle away at our family too much and that we have strong enough bonds to withstand the couple of years ahead. But I made the mistake of looking too far ahead. My faith and trust and hope will remain if I stay close to the present. Where God is. I don't have years down the road. Jon and I don't have the promise of retirement. We don't have next week. We have a family with its own set of needs today. That's enough to tackle, as tomorrow will have its own set of problems and joys.

We had a really rough start to our day Friday, and Paul was not able to complete his day of therapy. So we came home and I was able to get Paul to eat a very large lunch and he sat at his computer for awhile, which allowed me to get a lot of laundry caught up as I chased up and down the stairs making sure he was okay. He does not get up on his own, unless he is sitting by his bed or the couch and he will move to either one of those to lay down. I told the doctor that Paul doesn't have any problems with initiative, as they keep saying. He wastes no time finding the closest furniture on which to lay down. He does not strain himself thinking of ways to solve that problem! If he can lean over in it - he will move to the furniture nearest at hand and will assume the reclining position. Lots of initiative going on, if you ask me!! He remembered from day one how to recline the captain's chairs in my van and I don't think 4 seconds passed by before he was 'laid back'. Paul always loved to sleep and being a 21 yr old young man, I don't think he was unique. Sleep just has a high level of importance to him now! He has probably figured it out that he can get away with it for awhile and is planning on 'milking' this for all its worth! Smile.

In the afternoon, we had to go out to Gwinnett Medical Center again so we could have a follow up xray taken to make sure the pneumonia has cleared. Paul was able to walk all the way from the parking lot into the hospital and to the area for admissions. I didn't want Paul using anymore energy than necessary, so I got a wheelchair for him. About an hour and a half later, we were done. I asked Paul how he was doing and he said fine. Nothing was hurting, so I wheeled him up to the Neuroscience Unit to see if any of the nurses who took care of Paul were on staff. We immediately saw the nurse who told me 3 months ago that she was not going to concede Paul's eye - she was holding out for a miracle. She also told us that she was so renewed in faith that she went back to church. Well, she recognized Paul instantly and started to cry. How I wished I had brought my camera! She was shocked to see how well Paul looked and even shared a story about another young man who was in the unit right after Paul and he unfortunately is not doing well at all. She said his family has a strong faith like ours and so she is still hoping for a miracle for that young man, just like Paul had. She called a few of the other nurses to come see Paul and they were literally shocked to see him standing there. He didn't say anything to them, he smiled at them and waved hello, but I believe he was too confused to say much of anything. It was such a wonderful moment and surprisingly, it was not as tough as I thought it would be - seeing his room and walking through those doors. It was awesome to be walking through those doors with Paul!! It was awesome hearing just how far along they all thought he had come, and how after only 3 months he was looking almost like the pictures we had of him in his room. They were incredulous. There is no other word to describe their reactions to Paul. They all hugged him and then thanked us for coming back to see them. They said these are the things that help them keep going - to see the miracles. This was a great visit down Memory Lane. Thanks be to God.

So, another good day for the chart. Tomorrow is the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes - we plan on going to Mass with Paul to receive a healing blessing by Archbishop Gregory and Archbishop Donahue!! We are taking a list with us that has the names of people who have asked for our prayers, and I am also going to include the intentions of all those who have lifted us up in prayer November 11 - February 11. May your emotional, spiritual or physical needs be healed, through the intercession of our Lady of Lourdes. We will be united with you all in spirit tomorrow at noon!

Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Good Day Sunshine

Jon and Paul enjoying a sunny morning











Mike and Paul (Music 101)









God is more generous in His love and mercy than I will ever be able to comprehend. I know this from first hand experience, but I experienced it again. Even after I demonstrated how weak in faith I was, after a very long and despair-filled day yesterday (Wednesday). I could not stop crying. All of a sudden, after all this time, I really took notice of the pictures of Paul that we have around the house and saw his beautiful smiling face. It only made me miss the Paul of November 10th, with no thoughts of hope that we will see that again. When I walked to the mail box I cried again when I realized how much I missed seeing his car parked in the driveway and his getting out and calling out "Hey Mom" as he strolled to the front porch. I was ovewhelmed with how much I missed his almost constant playing of his guitars and piano, as I walked into the music room where all 8 guitars sit. I remembered complaining how these were taking up so much room. Hindsight can be very helpful, in this case it caused a great amount of guilt for me. I have been so blessed that none of my sons caused us one moment of grief with staying out late, drinking to excess, or even 'adventuring' into the area of drugs. And I had complained about too many guitars in the room. I cried when I walked into his room and saw his very weakened body, down to 117 pounds. I had to leave the room and go outside so I could cry long and hard. I prayed very hard to the Blessed Mother to help me find the strength to cope with these sudden feelings that flooded my mind. I know that I have been so busy that I have not really had time to work through my grief and sadness of this event, but I was unprepared for the amount of despair that ensued.

That night,Mike asked Paul to take a ride with him in his truck, with the dog, so they could get out for a few minutes. Paul said no, but I motioned to Mike to just help Paul get up on his feet and then had him put Paul's coat on and gently guide him out the door. If we waited for Paul to say 'okay' to anything that makes him put out energy, we would never see him stand again. So Mike got him all bundled up and they went out for a 20 minutes ride. While they were gone, I looked at Jon and again started to cry. He admitted he too has been feeling despair about how it appears Paul might never recover any better than what we were seeing. We talked about our fear that what we were seeing was our future. Both of us felt incredible sadness as we talked, but I am the one who actually walked out on God for some moments. I started to question where God was and that I felt duped. I even said that I should not write anything more on the post since it appeared all these prayers were for naught. I let my despair-filled questions pour out and all of a sudden I was very angry that we just might be all alone in this. Jon sat quietly while I kept posing all my questions of uncertainty. (He is truly my blessing, as he did not join in this madness!) When I finally sat down and felt totally defeated and too tired to care any more, he said he too missed Paul so much. After telling me what his thoughts were, I realized I had let the fatigue and the constant care of Paul wear me down and that God was with us, and that even if I felt alone, I knew in my heart I am not. Then I felt very bad that I had let Satan get the better of me in those moments. I was so sad that I had not been constant in my faith and hope, in this God who saved my son and had brought so many people into our pathway to pray and help us. I prayed that I would be forgiven.

Thursday morning I was so elated and thankful to see how quickly I was. When I got up, only love welled up in my heart as I looked at Paul, and I felt refreshed and ready to get on with the care of my son. I went downstairs to cook a good breakfast for him, even though I knew he might not eat any of it. I was waiting for the stove to get hot, and so I walked out the dining room onto the deck, into the crisp, chilly morning. The sun was shining through the trees and it was absolutely beautiful. I thanked God for this sight and apologized again for losing all trust in Him the night before. As I walked back in, I noticed how the light from the sun shining on a crystal hurricane lamp was reflected out in different directions around the room. The rays of light were of different colors also due to the prisms of the crystal. It immediately came to my mind how I needed to pray to be more like that cyrstal - allowing God to shine through me and let His light go out in all directions. The light is what made the cyrstal candle holder beautiful. I need only His light to serve the purpose He has intended for me. I was so filled with love for God - and again experienced His message of love and mercy in that moment. As I brought breakfast up to Paul, it came to my mind to pray the readings of the daily Mass to him before he ate. The gospel for the day is Mark 7:24-30. I then read the explanation of this reading which came from a writing called THE CLOUD OF UNKNOWING (how appropriate). It was written in the 14th century and states "It is inevitable that ideas will arise in your mind and try to distract you in a 1000 ways. They will question you saying "What are you looking for, what do you want?" To all of these thoughts you must reply, "God alone I seek and desire, only Him." If your thoughts question you who this God is, tell them that He is the God who created you, redeemed you and brought you to this work. Say to your thoughts, "you are powerless to grasp Him. Be still." Dispel them by turning to Jesus with loving desire. Don't be surprised if your thoughts seem holy and valuable for prayer. Then will come ideas about His great kindness, and if you keep listening they will be delighted.
A person who has long pondered distracting things must eventually leave them behind beneath a cloud of forgetting if he hopes to pierce the CLOUD OF UNKNOWING that lies between him and his God. Raise your heart to God with a gentle stirring of love. Think only of God, the God who created you, redeemed you and guided you to this work. Allow no other ideas about God to enter your mind. Yet even this is too much. A naked intent toward God, the desire ofr him alone is enough."

This was God answering me with through His word. Then later in the day, I received a card from my friend(Judy Hammond) from my college days. In it is the reading from John 14:18.

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." More confirmation. Yes, Jesus is the way, the truth and the light. Praise be to our merciful and loving God. His love does endure forever and I thank Him for helping me hold on to what I know in my heart is true.

Okay! I know I have held you up this long and I need to tell you about Paul.
He saw the neurologist today for an assessment. She spent 45 mintues with him and is encouraged by how much more he talked today and how clear it sounded. I guess I didn't notice since I am with him every day. He is very weak, and our number one priority is to get weight back on. She is going to have a nutritionist do a consultation with Paul while he is in therapy hopefully by Monday. They will get him a more useful type of feeding mix, with more calories and protein. She is still very encouraged about his progress in with being able to be on the computer instant messaging his friends. He is able to stay fairly focused on it for about 15 - 20 minutes, then his brain tires and he then goes into other areas of his computer and wanders around, without much purpose. This is a sign he is done. They will use a walker while he is at Pathways, and she said to not be discouraged, she just doesn't want him to use up energy for walking when there is so much else to accomplish with him. They will also schedule rest periods in between his therapies so that he will not become too weakened while he is there. She wants to get him in therapy as often as possible. He will just have to have rest times during the day. He is going tomorrow from 9-12. I will know his schedule for next week tomorrow (Friday). He may only go for a couple days, but we are all on the same page about getting his strength back up so that he can get back on track with his recovery. She also said to sit him at the piano everyday and have him play his guitar. Paul was able to play some scales with both hands and this is an awesome thing she said. He has the ability to do cross over commands, which means that his right and left brain are working in connection with each other. She did some other assessment tests and does not feel he has lost anything other than strength. God's hand surrounding Paul with love and protection, to be sure.

"Humbly welcome the word that has been planted in you and is able to save your souls."
Our love to all,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

We are going to be praying that Paul's paralysis is healed so that he can blink his eye

Done Adventuring..................

On Monday, we took Paul to his opthamologist appointment. The surgery done to correct the orbital did not accomplish what was needed and Paul's eye is still too far out of the eye socket. The pupil in his left eye is still dialated and the doctor said she can't really see in, which means Paul cannot see out very well either. There is still evidence of the hemorraging in his eye, so she will do a follow up exam in 2 months to retest his vision. All he was able to see was the big E on the eye chart. One other thing affecting the vision in this eye was the medication that is applied every 2 hours. I had to put some in that morning, as Paul's eyelid is now open 24 hours a day and his eye gets irritated easily. We are keeping an eye patch (waterproof bandage) over his eye to provide protection. So, again, it is too early to say that his vision is too poor for use. It appears it has been damaged, but to what extent remains to be seen. Jon and I were still very optimistic about his sight, since it is not totally lost. We have learned to be thankful for everything and so we still have reason to hope and have faith that God will answer our prayers. So many have been already and I won't limit God's goodness and mercy in any way.

The other great news about his eye is that the surgery to get Paul's eye back in line with his other eye and his iris lined up with his other eye should not be a big problem. This issue is totally correctable and the surgery will maybe even be put on hold, to continue to let Paul's face/nerve continue to heal. If the surgery is done before all healing takes place, it could over-correct the line up of Paul's eyes. We will need to see a specialist for that surgery and possibly a plastic surgeon to assist. We ask for prayers for guidance in this matter, so that we can find a very good surgeon to do this for Paul. We were also pleased that Paul had strength enough to walk in and out of the office, which was downtown, which meant walking from the parking deck to the main building and then up to the 5th floor. He was a real trooper and was never impatient with anything.

On Monday night, our neighbors, Barb and Bob Stackler brought dinner over and this was so sweet of them since it was raining very very hard. Later, my friends Sharon Nixon and Patty Palmquist brought food. (We enjoyed that food the next day and evening, which was a huge relief since we had another big day at Gwinnett Medical with Paul). The highlight of Monday was the opportunity to pray with my friends. Patty and Sharon stayed and we got Paul to come sit on the couch between Jon and me. Michael joined us also, as we said the Divine Mercy Chaplet and the Joyful Mysteries of the rosary in our front room, where we have a prayer area set up. Sharon blessed Paul with oil from the Padre Pio Center and then Patty, Sharon, Jon, Michael and I all stretched out our hands over Paul and prayed for his full recovery according to God's will. Paul sat quietly and seemed to understand this was all for him. When we first started the rosary, Paul was holding a rosary, but was not following along. After we started the second decade, he looked at my hands to see where we were and he found the bead we were on and he then followed the rest of the rosary with us. I always have held the crucifix in my left hand, and Paul copied me exactly as he held his rosary. He looked over at me and smiled so beautifully. He seemed very content as we said the rosary, and he even brought his leg up and crossed it as he always did when we prayed the rosary as a family. He was always pretty laid back when we prayed before and he would even sometimes fall asleep during the rosary. It's funny - the one time he had a perfect and understandable excuse for falling asleep while praying with us, he stayed wide awake. It has been a long time since we have been able to attend all the functions we used to - like the 5 mile rosary walk, our Renew group, my women's prayer group, teaching CCD, daily 6:30 am Mass - so it was wonderful to be able to prayer with our friends again. We are still really looking forward to going to the Lady of Lourdes Healing Mass this Saturday. Keep praying for this to happen. It will be so wonderful to be out with the people in our church again, not to mention the graces that will surely flow from this Mass.

Today, Paul had an endoscopy (I think that is the spelling) to determine if he has ulcers on his esophagus or possibly a yeast infection there. We were at the hospital day surgery office at 7:30 a.m. and the procedure was done at 9:30 a.m. The nurses were so kind, and after we talked to them for awhile, we found out that 3 of them were from Southern California, had worked in the hospital where my first son was born, and had attended high school where Jon did his student teaching. They all have sons, and no daughters, and they had sons who were Paul's age. So they really related to this whole thing and Paul got extra special care. It was determined that the muscle at the top of the stomach is too weak to hold the food down and they have given a prescription that will help the stomach process the food more quickly and will tighten that muscle until it does it on its own. It appears to be an easy fix for a very painful problem for Paul. Hopefully, he will not have all the problems with food coming up into his throat when he lays down. We are also going to rent a hospital bed so that his head can stay raised when he sleeps. He doesn't like sleeping on more than one pillow and pulls them out from underneath his head during the night, and then ends up with his problem causing him to have lots of trouble.

Tomorrow, he is back to Pathways for a reassessment of where he will need to start his therapies again. I am really looking forward to that, as he needs to get back on track with his speech, physical and occupational therapies.

Today, I was trying to get him to eat something, so offered a wide range of foods for him to try. He has started to eat a few more bites with each meal, but not enough to get off the feeding tube. Anyway, I got to the peach yogurt and I knew if I said the word yogurt he would say "no thank you". He always asks what I am offering him before he will eat something. So I told him that it was peach pudding in front of him. He said okay and then ate the spoonful. I asked if he wanted more and he said " that was good, but I am done adventuring". I can well imagine he is.

Paul has started to check his AOL Instant Messenger site almost every day. He answers some of the messages sent while he is on, but is easily distracted and doesn't always get back to people to respond to their questions. If any of Paul's friends are reading this, please keep sending him messages if you see he is logged on as it is really helpful for him to try to keep track of what is going on and then be able to respond. His answers may not make perfect sense, but most times you can understand what he is trying to say. He understands what you are saying, just has trouble getting his messages back out to you. Thank you so much for continuing to support him! It will be a long haul and his friends will play the most important part of his recovery.

EAch day I try to remember the reason for the day is God, with Jesus as my Light. All things are for the glory of God, which is all the purpose we need.
May God bless all that you do today.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca