Brother, Brother, Brother

Jon sees Paul for the first time since December







Concert on the deck (Jon and Paul)









Music 101 with Jon and Jon!










The boys after Mass on Sunday










Paul's brother Jon came home for a visit on Thursday and it has been a wonderful weekend, which is why I have not posted anything since then. It has been the best thing for Paul, which is no surprise. Paul was very tired when Jon got home Thursday night, but stayed awake for a little while. Friday morning, when I woke Paul, I asked him if he remembered who his new roommate was. He said no and so I asked him who was sleeping in the other bed. He looked over and smiled a little bit and said "Jonny". It was one of many tender moments that I got to see between these 2 brothers.

It was also the best medicine for Michael. He and Jon got to spend a good amount of time together and Michael was absolutely 'lighthearted' all weekend. God's blessings were flowing like a river for the Fidero Family!

It was a big weekend also because my brother Keith and his wife were coming into town so that they could be here for the going away party for Joseph Rickels (our nephew). He is in the Army and is leaving for his first tour of duty on March 5th. He will go to Germany, then to Iraq, which will keep us all busy in prayer. So there was a lot going on in Atlanta this weekend.

Friday morning, we were going to go to Mass, but things headed downhill right after breakfast. I had been so excited about the day because Paul woke up and was having a good day. We were right on time with the schedule, and I was going to give Paul a bit more food through the stomach tube, since he had not eaten much for breakfast. After I had done this, Jon had taken him upstairs to get his teeth brushed. While in the bathroom he got sick and was not able to hold onto his breakfast. I have to admit, I was so thankful he was standing and in the bathroom when this happened. Since Paul doesn't say that he hurts, it is hard to know when he isn't feeling well. As he had started the day out so well, I did not even think he might be sick. I was so relieved he was not laying down when this happened. We got him back to bed and he had one more occurence and then he was okay. I was not sure if he had a stomach flu or if possibly he just had too much food. We were going to be out for a couple of hours and I wanted him to have the energy, so I gave him a full amount of formula. He might have had more than I thought at breakfast and the formula was just too much. I was upset with myself for possibly being the reason for his sickness. Nothing worse than an over zealous mother! We kept him on small amounts of liquid until late afternoon, then started him back on small amounts of baby food. He was ready to go on Saturday with full feedings again. He never ran a fever, so I do believe he suffered from my mistake. Nursing lesson 101 for me!

Unfortunately, this changed the course of Friday. Jon and I were so disappointed because it had been such a warm and sunny day. Jon got Paul outside on the deck and they sat and talked and Jon played the guitar for Paul. Paul also spent some time on his computer. When Michael came home from school, he and Jon washed Michael's car, while Paul and I sat on the front porch (in the warm sunshine) and watched them. It was so great watching the boys all together. My only disappointment was that James could not be home with us. His schedule had not allowed it and so we are looking forward to his coming home possibly for Spring break.

Also on Friday, a friend I knew from years ago called and came by to visit. She had been Paul's teacher at St. Stephen's in the preparation of his Confirmation. We had not seen each other in a long time, but she had been following Paul's story. A mutual friend had told her about Paul. She felt she should call and come by to offer her help. She remembered that Paul had been a very polite and quiet young man in her 8th grade class and she just felt the calling to come help. She also told me that Jon had been so kind to one of her sons when they were in the youth group together and she had not forgotten that. She has offered to come stay with Paul to help relieve me, so I can get errands run if need be. She is a nurse at Northside hospital. I was so thankful she had come by, not only because of her generous offer but because it was so good to see her again. The other blessing in her coming was her help concerning how much I needed to give Paul in the way of liquids to keep him hydrated while we waited for his stomach to settle back down after the morning mishap.

Friday evening, Keith and Kelly were going to be coming by for the evening but Kelly was pretty sure she had strep throat, since she was starting to feel pretty bad and her daughter Abigail had been diagnosed on Wednesday with the same thing. We were really disappointed she could not come. Keith came by though for a little while and was able to hug Paul. He was amazed at how great Paul looked, since he had not seen him since January. It really helped me to hear his evaluation, since I am here everyday and it is more difficult to get that bird's eye view. We had a terrific time Friday evening, then all the men went out to 'Trivia Night' at a local restaurant.

Saturday morning brought lots of rain and cold. But Paul was the sunshine for us. He was feeling well and started to eat better. Jon (son) got the juicer out and showed us how to use it. I had decided to wait until he got home before I tried to use it, as I had no experience with one. I haven't had the time to really get involved with it, so we had a fun morning as Jon demonstrated the use and care of it for us. Paul sat watching and his expression was what I expected it would be! He was looking at Jon just as if he was completely recovered......with the thought that it was too much trouble for so little output. I half expected Paul to say "yeah that's all cool - do you want to go to Wendy's?" In the afternoon, the rain stopped for a little bit, so Jon said we should hurry and get Paul outside for a walk. We bundled him up and we took an umbrella and started our walk. It started to drizzle but we kept on. Jon Sr had run an errand and drove by us. He drove home and then ran to catch up with us. As we headed back home, Jon thought his brother should walk a bit further and as we came to our driveway, Jon told Paul that we were going to walk on. Paul asked why and Jon told him he needed to get more excercise. Paul told him "you can, but I won't be going." Paul decided that this walking in the drizzle nonsense was over! I agreed, as I didn't want Paul to get chilled. He was staying dry, but it was cold.

We packed Paul up later that evening to take him to my sister's house for the party. Poor kelly had to stay at Bev's daughter's home so that she would not get anyone sick. I know it was a huge disappointment for her, as she wanted to see Paul and Abby dog! Paul sat down in his Aunt Bev's lounge chair and watched everyone around him. His dad was with him and Paul noticed that his brothers were in the kitchen with his cousins, so he got up and walked into the kitchen to be with them. He didn't say anything, but wanted to be part of the crowd. They got him a chair to sit in and he sat there listening to everyone. After about 20 minutes, he was tired and went back to the lounge chair. Some time later, he joined the 'kitchen crowd' again. We were happy to see him take the initiative to get up and do what he wanted to do. Jon and Jon took Paul home a short time after that, and I was able to stay and visit with friends and family. It was a great time out for me!

Paul had not done a lot of eating on his own on Saturday. He got mostly formula feedings. But he held up very well through all the activities and visiting. Saturday night, I heard Jon talking to Paul and it was around midnight. I got up to check on them and Jon said he saw that Paul was awake and so he was just talking to him. It was another one of those tender moments I had mentioned. Jon was reassuring Paul that everything was okay and then Jon asked Paul a lot of questions about what he was thinking and about old times. Jon was sitting on the side of Paul's bed, holding his hand and talking gently to him. I know this was the best medicine Paul had received since Jon left to get married. Paul loves Jon so much because Jon has always been a terrific older brother who has shared his love openly with all our sons. Paul has always been very close to Jon and I know he has missed Jon a lot, as he has said so when we have talked about Jon.

We went to the 8:30 Mass on Sunday and it was nothing short of gloriously joyous for me. I so wanted James to be with us and I kept him in my heart as I sat with my 3 other sons and husband. My eyes kept tearing as I thanked God for letting me be a witness to the love shared between brothers and between father and sons. I could not believe how blessed this family has been, in that God allowed Paul to remain with us. I don't have any idea about the future for Paul, but I had this moment to hold onto in my memory. One amazing thing also happened Sunday morning. I was helping Paul wake up and I reminded him again that Jon was in his room with him. He again looked over and smiled. I asked him what day it was and he did not know. I told him it was Sunday and that we were going to Mass. I then asked him if he knew what he was receiving when he went to Communion. He nodded and then just pointed upward. I hugged him and confirmed it by saying "Yes Paul, you receive Jesus." Paul doesn't really have to know much else does he? The one area he is totaly cognizant(and has been all along) is his knowledge of his faith. He remembers the prayers of the rosary, he remembers to sign himself with holy water, he knows that Jesus is present in the Eucharist and I have seen him praying along with us at Mass. He always genuflects when he comes into the Sanctuary, no matter how difficult it has been. What a beautiful sign that he is always God's first, just as we all are. It brings great comfort to me knowing that God is in charge. I am still working on patience and trust and hope, but I have improved in finding joy in so many more things.

One of the joys of this weekend was at Mass on Sunday. I did not realize the Mass intention was for my mother, Beverly Brown. I was happy to hear that it was when it was announced. My joy was complete when the choir started to sing a song called "You are Mine". When my father died on Easter morning 4 years ago, I softly sang this to him because it was something I found on Holy Thursday as I was at Mass. Dad could not be there as he was dying of cancer. I knew it was only days before he would die and I was finding comfort that he was going to be joining Jesus in this very holy season. He and I had always shared our love of Lent and Easter and I have shared this time of year with Mom and Dad many, many times. ( Dad was also Jon's sponsor when Jon was confirmed into the Catholic faith, which is what helped me understand more fully what Lent/Easter means for all people.) So when I came across this song, I felt such comfort for Dad. And so I sang it to him Easter morning. I also read the words to all the family when we gathered together to pray before we took my father to St. Louis to be buried. And here I was, at Mass on this past Sunday, the Sunday before Lent begins on Ash Wednesday and it was a Mass for my mother. And the song I sang for my father was being sung. God was talking to me and letting me hear the words of the song to let me know He is with us all.

You Are Mine
I will come to you in the silence, I will lift you from all your fear.
You will hear my voice, I claim you as my choice,
be still and know I am here.

I am hope for all who are hopeless, I am eyes for all who long to see.
In the shadows of the night, I will be your light,
Come and rest in me.

I am strength for all the despairing, healing for the ones who dwell in shame.
All the blind will see, the lame will all run free,
And all will know my name.

I am the Word that leads all to freedom, I am the peace the world cannot give.
I will call your name, embracing all your pain,
Stand up, now walk, and live.

Do not be afraid, I am with you. I have called you each by name. Come and follow
me, I wll bring you home; I love you and you are mine.

*************
With this song I am reminded of the same words spoken by our beloved late Pope John Paul - Be not Afraid. And so, I now Stand Up and will go take care of Paul!

The peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

p.s. Paul asked is father for "240 seconds please". When Jon asked him how much would he accept in return for just getting up and he said "one hundred dollars". Paul is definitely on his way to recovery. I am just concerned we won't have the 'time or the money' to contnue his care!