Trip Down Memory Lane

Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments on Friday. As always, very inspiring and extremely helpful too. Thursday night I was able to attend my women's prayer group and it was wonderful and I know that we have to start scheduling some time for ourselves. Mike has been able to get back out with his friends and he is very busy, just like he used to be. He had to take math again as a 7th period class, so isn't home until 5:30. Mike is doing really well in his classes and is adjustering to the changes. He is trying to get Paul out each evening for a ride in his truck. They take the dog and Mike goes to the local places he and Paul went to before. He doesn't take Paul in, but drives around to help Paul get a sense of his surroundings, and hopefully make some connections.

We are able to talk to Jon and Jim 3-4 times a week and they call Paul on his cell phone. We miss them so much and are looking forward to their trip home sometime this month. Coordinating schedules between work and school for Jon, Marie and James has taken a bit of time. It is a 9 - 10 hour drive home and they can only come on weekends. Just seeing them for a day will be a huge joy!

The comments from my cousin Barb Rosen about her sister, Lynn, have been extremely helpful in putting this in perspective. I think that on Wednesday, I just finally came to terms with the reality of what we were facing and that the 'instant' miracle was not going to be the answer. But miracles have happened and they will be seen on some days and not on others, it is not intended for us to know. The thing is, I am not one for big changes. I don't mind changing the furniture around every couple of months, but that about takes care of my need for something different in my life. I had gotten so used to our routine of morning Mass, the monthly rosary walk, women's prayer group, CCD classes and Renew group. We filled in with whatever struck us in the moment. Jon and I were always together - we were care free 50 yr olds and had finally reached the stage where we were thinking about just the 2 of us again. The reality of this change hit me hard and I wanted to have answers! Too many whys and I was desperate for my comfort zone again. Hence, my anger toward God. His spotlight is now shining on the areas He has chosen to change about me - my lack of patience, my complacency, my liking to be in control. By golly, God let me be back in control again - of when Paul has to get up, eat, drink, sleep, bathe, get to therapy and back. I am in control of the maintanence of Paul and God kept control of Paul's breathing and his soul. It is testing my patience and I see now that I can fail miserably............smile. God knows that practice makes perfect. I have been jarred out of my complacency in my ways of faith, hope, charity and my prayer life - yes indeed, fervency is becoming a new word in my vocabulary! I guess God got as tired waiting for me to do what He needed, as I am of waiting for Paul to agree to get up out of bed each morning!!

I do realize that our Paul that we knew before the accident will probably be changed in ways that will be more obvious to close friends and family. Most times I can look at his face and actually smile as I wonder what God has in store for him, as God knows better than I do who Paul needs to be. I have been reminded by those who have walked this road that we are in the infancy of our journey. and that our family will be changed forever. It finally occurred to me just how long the journey will be. After doing this for 3 months, hour after hour, the road ahead looked too daunting. I have to remain hopeful that it won't whittle away at our family too much and that we have strong enough bonds to withstand the couple of years ahead. But I made the mistake of looking too far ahead. My faith and trust and hope will remain if I stay close to the present. Where God is. I don't have years down the road. Jon and I don't have the promise of retirement. We don't have next week. We have a family with its own set of needs today. That's enough to tackle, as tomorrow will have its own set of problems and joys.

We had a really rough start to our day Friday, and Paul was not able to complete his day of therapy. So we came home and I was able to get Paul to eat a very large lunch and he sat at his computer for awhile, which allowed me to get a lot of laundry caught up as I chased up and down the stairs making sure he was okay. He does not get up on his own, unless he is sitting by his bed or the couch and he will move to either one of those to lay down. I told the doctor that Paul doesn't have any problems with initiative, as they keep saying. He wastes no time finding the closest furniture on which to lay down. He does not strain himself thinking of ways to solve that problem! If he can lean over in it - he will move to the furniture nearest at hand and will assume the reclining position. Lots of initiative going on, if you ask me!! He remembered from day one how to recline the captain's chairs in my van and I don't think 4 seconds passed by before he was 'laid back'. Paul always loved to sleep and being a 21 yr old young man, I don't think he was unique. Sleep just has a high level of importance to him now! He has probably figured it out that he can get away with it for awhile and is planning on 'milking' this for all its worth! Smile.

In the afternoon, we had to go out to Gwinnett Medical Center again so we could have a follow up xray taken to make sure the pneumonia has cleared. Paul was able to walk all the way from the parking lot into the hospital and to the area for admissions. I didn't want Paul using anymore energy than necessary, so I got a wheelchair for him. About an hour and a half later, we were done. I asked Paul how he was doing and he said fine. Nothing was hurting, so I wheeled him up to the Neuroscience Unit to see if any of the nurses who took care of Paul were on staff. We immediately saw the nurse who told me 3 months ago that she was not going to concede Paul's eye - she was holding out for a miracle. She also told us that she was so renewed in faith that she went back to church. Well, she recognized Paul instantly and started to cry. How I wished I had brought my camera! She was shocked to see how well Paul looked and even shared a story about another young man who was in the unit right after Paul and he unfortunately is not doing well at all. She said his family has a strong faith like ours and so she is still hoping for a miracle for that young man, just like Paul had. She called a few of the other nurses to come see Paul and they were literally shocked to see him standing there. He didn't say anything to them, he smiled at them and waved hello, but I believe he was too confused to say much of anything. It was such a wonderful moment and surprisingly, it was not as tough as I thought it would be - seeing his room and walking through those doors. It was awesome to be walking through those doors with Paul!! It was awesome hearing just how far along they all thought he had come, and how after only 3 months he was looking almost like the pictures we had of him in his room. They were incredulous. There is no other word to describe their reactions to Paul. They all hugged him and then thanked us for coming back to see them. They said these are the things that help them keep going - to see the miracles. This was a great visit down Memory Lane. Thanks be to God.

So, another good day for the chart. Tomorrow is the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes - we plan on going to Mass with Paul to receive a healing blessing by Archbishop Gregory and Archbishop Donahue!! We are taking a list with us that has the names of people who have asked for our prayers, and I am also going to include the intentions of all those who have lifted us up in prayer November 11 - February 11. May your emotional, spiritual or physical needs be healed, through the intercession of our Lady of Lourdes. We will be united with you all in spirit tomorrow at noon!

Love,
Jon and Rebecca