In The Shadows

( I wanted to get this posted yesterday, Oct 2, but had to wait until Jon could save the picture I needed from my camera. As always, had to wait for some technical support!)

October 2, 2007

Today is the feast of our Guardian Angels. It follows the feast this past Saturday of the Archangels St. Michael, St. Raphael and St. Gabriel. I have remembered, most especially today, how our nephew James, calmly stated to his mother, "My angel just left me to go to Paul" as they were praying in the hospital chapel the night of Paul's accident. On their way home, hours later, James just as calmly stated, "My angel just came back and Paul is going to be fine. There are a lot of angels in his room." It was absolute confirmation for me that we are guarded by angels throughout our lives and that we have any number of them entrusted to our care. I heard it said that when you say a prayer for someone, an angel is sent to their side. I'm surprised there was room for all of those that must have been sent that night, as there were so many brothers and sisters in Christ who offered up a prayer for Paul and our family!

Yesterday was the feast of St. Therese of the Child Jesus. In the early morning, I was praying the rosary and noticed a sun spot on the wall opposite me. It was low on the wall, below the picture of Jesus. I thanked Him for the little signs of His presence and smiled as I read, "Unless you change and become like little children, says the Lord, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. (Mt 18:3) I thought about how children are not too busy in their lives to stop and notice all the wonders of God's world around them. They are so much more observant and are so easily enthralled with all that God offers us in nature. It is always so enjoyable watching a child discover something new and how they intently observe it. Like a child, I sat contentedly and observed this beautiful ray of light as it moved ever so slowly and how the room continued to be illumined by the rising sun. I was so happy that I didn't miss this ray of light, nor the solitude of the moment. Some minutes later, I decided to go into our dining room to look out the windows of the french doors, as that is where the rays of the sun were coming in. It was a very serene picture before me - how the sun came filtering through the trees. After a few more minutes, I turned to leave and noticed how the sun was also casting shadows on the wall as it came shining through the branches of the trees. My eye was then drawn to another shadow on the wall. It was caused by a statue I have of the Holy Family that was given to me years ago by my sister Mary Beth. I felt so blessed to be present at this exact moment to catch the shadow it cast. There was the Child Jesus raised high by Joseph and Mary – the focal point of the shadow. It was my visual aid to confirm we need to remain in constant awe of the amazing signs of God's love in our lives, just like children. Their examples of complete trust and joyful hope are what God wants us to have. As adults, we have suffered so many disappointments in our lives, that somewhere along the line we lose those child-like qualities. The real gift is to regain that trust and hope and continue to persevere in our attempt to accept that God will answer our prayers. Like children, we need to hold onto our trust in God, waiting in joyful hope for Him to lead us closer to our real home in heaven. But as adults, accepting the truth that our prayers will be answered in His way and in His time. I continue to learn these lessons of truly accepting that some of God’s answers will be known and some won’t. Some answers are immediate and bring joy, others are long awaited and not the answer I had preconceived. Most importantly, if I strive to completely trust in God’s love for me, I won’t despair because the answer will bring greater love of God and the graces needed to become more virtuous.

Each week, we see new ways that Paul continues to improve. His humor is becoming more and more like himself and he continues to remember more of his past. He gets so excited when he realizes that he has recovered more or relearned something. Today he was thrilled that his lower eyelid actually quivered as he struggled to make the left side of his face respond. He also felt the left side of his nose move and I was able to see it at the same time. We both responded at the same time. I said, “I see it moving!!!” and he stated excitedly, “I feel it moving – do you see it?!!” It is so much fun to be with him when moments like that happen.

He attends Shepherd Pathways 3 times a week and said that they are doing so much with him. They have balance machines and exercises that help him gain confidence in his movements. They are working with him in his facial paralysis and teaching him exercises that will improve muscle tone. He is learning to speak so that he annunciates his words so he will speak more clearly. They are also doing eye therapy to help strengthen the left eye. Paul is going without the tape on his eye many more hours each week. He really wants to gain use of his eyes again. The best part is that he is really not experiencing such intense headaches. He will relate with such joy the fact that he didn’t have to take pain medicine for many hours at a time. Yesterday, it was 12 hours before he needed to take some Advil and he had really had a lot of eye exercises in his therapy sessions. Those exercises can bring on a headache because he is having to struggle to focus with both eyes, which are not working in sync at this time. So it was great news for him to get through the hours of therapy and not have an intense headache. He is very aware now of his progress in so many areas of recovery. He is keeping track of it and remembering it from day to day. If there is an area of high interest, he has no trouble remembering things from day to day. Other times, he can’t remember something from hours before, but that means it was not important to him and he didn’t commit it to memory. He knows that he is very forgetful and he will pointedly work to remember things when he wants to. He will repeat things to himself 3 to 4 times in a row and out loud as a way to remember a time or event. So he is really aware now of this limitation of memory.

His music is going very well. He works everyday at it and wants to show Mr. Sutherland that he remembers quite a bit. After this last lesson on Saturday, Jon said Mr. Sutherland was very encouraged about how much Paul remembered and said he expects Paul to be back on track within 3 months. At his first lesson, Paul was told to review the methods book by Christopher Parkening. At the second lesson, Paul showed he understood all that he reviewed. Mr. Sutherland said he was happy to see they could start much further along than he imagined. Mr. Sutherland said he is amazed at how far Paul has come in recovery, especially since he had last heard Paul would probably not live. It is amazing how much progress has been made and we firmly believe it was a result of all the prayers that have been lifted up by so many for these past 23 months. It is a miracle.

Jon and I were talking about the fact that in these last 23 months, we have been made aware of 5 people who have not survived their accidents that caused a brain injury. After Paul lived, we kind of thought that most people do survive and maybe it wasn’t as bad after all, as the doctors had told us. But now, we have become aware of the fact that a lot of people do die from brain injuries and with less impact than Paul experienced. It brings home the fact that God answers prayers, but always in His way and for His reasons. There is a point and a purpose always. We just may not know the reasons. That is our call to faith and trust. I don’t know why so many others have died in these last 2 years from their brain injuries. I believe though that Paul’s life and the huge amount of recovery is a miracle. I have asked myself more than once if I would have had as much faith, hope and trust in God if Paul had died. I can’t know for sure, but I would like to think so. I remember how I reached a point in those first hours where I honestly told God that Paul had been a gift to me from Him and so as a gift, I offered Paul back in thanksgiving for the love I shared with my son. I felt great peace in that. I believe that God would have provided the strength to endure that outcome also, just as He has provided all we needed to endure all these months of watching Paul suffer so much. We are always given what we need to complete God’s mission for us. Yes, I trust in that.

Paul is going to work on learning a classical guitar song so that he can go to the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament and play for the nuns. He hopes to go there very soon. A fine goal to be sure! The best part is that he set the goal himself.

“As Jesus and His disciples were proceeding on their journey, someone said to him, “I will follow you where ever you go.” Jesus answered him, “Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head.” And to another he said, “Follow me.” But he replied, “Lord, let me go first and bury my father.” But he answered him, “Let the dead bury their dead. But you, go and proclaim the Kingdom of God.” And another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but first let me say farewell to my family at home.” Jesus answered him, “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:57-62)

Following Jesus means to do it on His terms, so that the ‘favoring hand of our God’ leads us.
Your love is better than life dear Jesus, so I will sing your praise!

Love,
Jon and Rebecca