Somewhere in Time

We don't have the result from the tests done in Charlotte on Thursday and Friday. We got a phone call Sunday around 4 PM from the doctor and he said he had to go over the tests and will give us his opinion today. He had to leave town on Friday right after the tests were done and he didn't get back from his trip until Sunday. He needed to go over the results with the radiologist. So we have to wait a little longer to hear what the next course of action will be. I can say with a good amount of certainty that there is another surgery on the horizon, from the few bits of conversation I heard while we were at the hospital. It's a good thing I was gifted with some wonderfully spiritual moments on the drive to Charlotte. It really gave my spirit a boost and I am grateful to God for that. It helped Paul and I stay strong.

We were watching a beautiful day unfold as we headed towards Charlotte. We were in South Carolina and I could not believe how beautiful the sky was. I continued to watch it for awhile and noticed we were starting to come into patches of fog. I thought that was kind of weird because it had been so clear as the sun started to rise. As I was enjoying the view, I remembered we had not said our rosary, like we usually do when we start a trip. I asked Paul if he would like to get started with praying it. He agreed we needed to say one so we would have a safe trip. I had to think for a moment which mysteries we would be reciting and then realized it was the Luminous Mysteries. I kind of laughed and told Paul to take note of the weather we were coming into. It was getting more and more foggy looking and the sky had a look of luminescence to it. We started to pray the rosary and at the 4th mystery, The Transfiguration of Our Lord, it was like God was setting the stage for that mystery. I am not exaggerating at all about this - the sun was higher in the sky and it was causing the fog to become very bright around us. We could not yet see the sun, just the brightness of its light. I stopped and told Paul how awesome I thought it was - it was like God wanted us to get a clearer idea of the moment of The Transfiguration! Paul and I were silent for a mile or two as we kept looking out at the sky. Then we finished that decade and started the Fifth Mystery, which is the Institution of the Eucharist. I started to recite the Our Father and in that moment, I saw the sun through the fog and it was white, not yellow. The fog kept the intensity of the sun low enough so that I could look directly at the sun. It was a very large white circle. It made me stop mid sentence and I quietly said to Paul, "Oh my God, Oh my God, Paul. The sun looks just like the Eucharist. It is so white and so luminous". Paul saw it and said, “ Wow! It sure does.” We stared in silence for the longest time and I couldn’t help the tears just pouring down my face. I was filled with so much joy in that moment. I said to Paul, “How do you describe this moment to anyone?” I knew I would not be able to put into words just what I was feeling or seeing. That moment was just overwhelming for me and I believe in my heart that God was sending out His grace upon us. I stared to think about my sister Mary Beth because we had talked before about how moments like these are so incredible and how we wished we could put into words the awesomeness of these grace filled moments. (I guess you are wondering how I was able to drive with all this? VERY CAREFULLY! I slowed down and got into the right lane on the freeway. I was so glad there was very little traffic at that time too, because I wanted to savor all that I was seeing.) As if all of this was not enough, my cell phone rang and it was my sister Mary Beth!! I cut her off when I heard her voice and said, "I was just thinking about you and you won't believe what I am seeing!!! She said she just had to call me because of what had just happened to her too! She had been walking on the beach earlier and was thinking about the weekend all the sisters spent there on our mini-vacation. She had been enjoying all the beauty of her day too. She said that for as many times she has walked that beach these past couple of years this one thing has never happened. She was thinking about us and praying and she happened to look down at the sand and for the first time ever, she saw a penny laying on the sand! And in the moments I was thinking about how I would love for her to see what I was seeing, she called me. I told her that I was so happy God helped her think about me so that we could share these things with each other. I went on to describe what I was seeing before me. It was an absolutely wonderful experience.

I believe Paul and I were able to enjoy that grace filled morning as a way to build up our strength. It turned out to be a really tough day for Paul, which always makes it hard for me too. I hate watching Paul suffer more pain. The procedures were very painful. The ENT doctor had to insert 4 long pieces of very stiff pieces of cardboard like material into Paul's left nostril. It made him sneeze a number of times, which caused his head to really start to hurt. This kept Paul from wanting to eat, drink or even talk. We went to the hospital and the doctor did a procedure where he inserted a low level radioactive material into Paul's spine and they then had Paul lay at an angle on the gurney - with his head at the low end. He had to stay like that for an hour and a half, with a lot of pressure to his head. He was so uncomfortable and his headache was up to a 10. They were making sure that if there was a leak of brain fluid, it would leak while he was in the hospital. If there was any radioactive fluid on the strips in his nostril, then they would know there is a leak of brain fluid. After that, they moved him to the table where they would run more tests. We were not finished until 8:30 PM. Ten straight hours of this and Paul had not eaten, nor drank much of anything. He was visibly miserable. I was exhausted with the tension of watching him suffer and not being able to make it any better for him. We got a little bit to eat on our way to the hotel, but neither of us really felt like eating. Paul went straight to bed and I actually fell asleep in the chair right after I opened my laptop to start to write a blog. I woke up later and crawled into bed.

I woke at 5 AM and still felt wiped out, so I knew it would be a long day for us. I had to wake Paul at 6:30 AM so we could be at the hospital by 8:00 AM. There was one more test to be done and that was to check the shunt to make sure it was working properly. Dr. McLanahan came in and said he was so impressed with how strong Paul was. He acknowledged that Paul has been through so many difficult things and has had to endure so many procedures and surgeries and it amazed him how patient and strong Paul stayed throughout it all. He asked Paul what he hoped to do someday, after they got everything under control. Paul said he didn't know, since he had been a musician and his main passion was playing guitar. He said he had to think about it, since so much had changed for him. I mentioned to the doctor that we did hope for Paul to finish college in whatever he field he decided to pursue. He was glad to hear that. He said that he knows this complicated case will be solved and he was working to get us to that recovery.

We were able to start our drive home at about 11 AM. I was heading out of Charlotte and remembered that there was a Shrine of our Lady of Lourdes at the Belmont Monastery about 10 miles away. I asked Paul if he felt up to the side trip and he said it sounded like a good idea. We were able to find it and we prayed in front of the statue of Our Lady of Lourdes. I was very happy I had recently heard about this place and that Paul was feeling well enough to stop. It was a huge blessing as it turned out. I want to add right now that I am very thankful for all your prayers for us during this trip. They surely saved our lives. Here is how.

I didn’t realize just how tired I was as I started towards Atlanta. We had been driving about an hour and a half and I thought to myself that I was going to need to stop soon because my eyes were burning and I was having a tough time keeping them open. In the moments following that thought, I dozed off. I woke back up as if I had been shocked awake and I was heading into the car to the side of me. I got our car back into my lane and immediately pulled off the next exit. I was so upset that this had happened and that I had almost caused an accident. It had shocked Paul too, as he wondered why the car jerked like it had. I told him we were taking a long break and that I needed to get out. We stopped for about 20 minutes and I got some coffee and some exercise. We made it home safely and I know God helped to protect us.

Friday night, we were having dinner with Mark and Patty Palmquist and Paul got a phone call. It was Geneva. He had been dating her before the accident, but he has very little memory of it. He has only snippets of memory of anything from the summer before, except about buying his car. He remembers his car……..
Anyway, Geneva called him to see if he would like to go with her to Christ the King Cathedral downtown to attend the Latin Mass for the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. After Paul finished talking to her, he hung up his phone and said, “I need to leave now, I am going to Mass with Geneva.” The dinners had just been brought by the waiter, but Paul wanted to leave. Jon quickly ate his meal and Paul ate his and they left. I stayed with James and we continued to visit with our friends. When we got home, Paul was just about ready to go and James checked his tie for him and gave him the thumbs up sign. Geneva came shortly after that and they left to attend the Mass at 9 PM. Paul did not get home until after midnight! Needless to say, I was not awake. He told us the next morning that he had a wonderful time and he got to see Christina Peek too. He was glad he got to see her again. He said that he really enjoyed the Mass and he also said he wishes he remembered dating Geneva. He said, “She is so beautiful and so kind. How could I have forgotten someone like that?!” We were so happy for Paul that he got to go out. It never ceases to amaze us how generous people have been in helping Paul. Geneva has been very kind to him and calls him and stays in touch. It takes some patience to get Paul out and about. He is slow and deliberate in his movements – so it takes a longer amount of time to get around. But his friends have shown such patience and tenderness towards him. Jon and I are always so touched by the love shown Paul, even though we are almost 2 years post accident. God’s amazing graces flow!

Paul started to experience a lot of pain Saturday evening and then through this morning. He is a little better today, but his head pain has been in the 7-10 range all weekend. I think the fatigue from the tests and the trip to Charlotte caught up with him. He was starting to trend up this morning, so I am hopeful he will get back on track by tomorrow. I mentioned to him that Dr. McLanahan will call us today sometime to give us the game plan. I said I honestly might tell him we are going to wait to do surgery, if that is part of the plan. I want Paul to gain strength before they do more surgery. After I said, “I think we might wait to let them do more surgery if it is needed”, Paul said, “Why would we wait to get me free from pain?” I asked him if he really felt ready for more surgery and he said that he is ready to be without pain. No matter what it takes. He has gone into each surgery with the expectation that it would take his head pain away and he still has complete faith that one of these times, the surgery will accomplish that goal. I know Dr. McLanahan said he is going to find the answer to this complicated case and I still have faith he will. My prayer is that it will be soon. Very, very soon.

On Father’s day, Paul almost didn’t make it to Mass. We got there a little late and at the Offertory, he said he needed to leave. I told him that he was so close to receiving the Body of Christ, to please try to stay that long. I thought about the sight of the sun through the fog on Thursday and how we believe that Jesus comes to us through the Eucharist. I whispered this to Paul and he nodded and said he would try hard to stay. God heard our prayers and Paul hung in there until the end. He was so wiped out with pain by the time I got him home. But I felt so much better knowing he had received Jesus. It was the only answer that I could think of to help him handle his pain.

May God hear our prayers and answer our plea for help. In His holy name, we will wait.

I have a couple of pictures from the last couple of days that I will get posted later.
I will post them along with the news we receive from the doctor. God bless Dr. McLanahan, as he works to find a solution to the ongoing problems Paul is experiencing.

Until then, God bless your day abundantly.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca