Fill 'er Up

Blessed be God

Blessed be His Holy Name

Blessed be Jesus Christ,

true God and true Man.

Blessed be his most precious blood.

Blessed be Jesus in the most Holy

Sacrament of the Altar.

This past weekend, I happened to look out the front windows in time to see a hummingbird come up to the feeder on the front porch. Unfortunately, there was no food in it yet as I didn't realize it was the time of year that they would be here. I remembered them coming a lot in the later summer, so hadn't prepared the feeders yet. I quickly set about cleaning the feeder and filling it with sugar water. I got so excited the hummingbirds were back that I even went to the store and bought another feeder for the back porch. The back porch feeder can be seen from my kitchen window, which is where James and I watched them last August. I was ready to go and watched throughout the rest of the day to see if word was out on the street that the "Fidero feeders were full". It is Wednesday and I am still waiting to see one and have great hope that they will come back.

I was thinking about how this all related to the way I have been feeling in the last few weeks. I have been basically................spiritually dry. I started to realize that it was because I hadn't made the attempts lately to fill myself up. Yes, I admit it.........I have become pretty lazy and have lost some of the discipline it takes to keep myself filled. I have gotten so undisciplined in attending Mass every morning, or sitting in adoration like I used to, or praying my daily rosary I have no excuses. I have allowed my mind to come up with rationalizations for not doing the things I know will help me have a more perfect love of God and in turn, the peace of our Lord, Jesus. These lazy patterns have a sneaky way of creeping into my life..........which is how satan works in our lives.

So, thanks be to God, I had scheduled an adoration time about 2 weeks ago and the time I scheduled was for Monday night at 8 P.M. I knew that if we had any emergency with Paul, James or Michael would be able to go for me. I have to be careful about scheduling time since we could be at a hospital. Life is a lot more unpredictable than it used to be. So, I was very blessed that this time was available because it was in the evening and it would be an easy time for any of us to fill, if something came up with Paul. As it turned out, an even greater blessing was in store. Paul wanted to go with me. We were just beginning our hour's adoration and I whispered to Paul that I loved him and may God bless him. I was on his left side. He leaned over and with a big smile on his face he said, "I heard that.........my hearing aid works. Isn't it great?" I smiled back and said, "Praise be to God. He is good." Paul then asked me to say a Hail Mary with him. I reminded him there were other people in the chapel and our whispering would be disruptive to others. He said, "Then just mouth it and I will pray with you." So he held my hand and we 'mouthed' the Hail Mary together. He smiled and then turned away and faced the Blessed Sacrament. I was overjoyed in the moment and thanked God for the blessings of Paul's life and the graces it has brought our family. The best part was still to come. After about 20 minutes, the other people in the chapel left and after about 2 minutes of just Paul and I being in the chapel, someone else walked in. For some reason, I turned to look to see who it was, which is something I rarely do. It was Michael. He had come to join us. I turned back around and looked at the statue of the Blessed Mary and thanked her for helping to bring my son to pray. I then thanked Jesus and begged Him to look with great mercy on my sons and to lead them to their highest good. I thought about how the most awesome gift I can give to my family is time spent in prayer for them. I thought about how lazy I had become and how our family has been struggling emotionally lately and knew that Jesus had called me to Him to remind me of my commitment to my children and to this world. As one person, I can't change any of the bad in this world except through prayer. My little prayers can be joined with the saints in heaven and the church here on earth and my prayers can then make a difference.

I can help 'feed' the world, but I have to stay full myself before I can do that. I need to stay fed spiritually - through the Eucharist, through prayerfulness and through the sacraments. Thanks be to God, I was reminded of that again, while in the presence of Jesus.

Yesterday, I was on my way to the doctor to see what was causing some severe shoulder/hip pain. I called Paul to see how he was doing, since he has been really 'off' these past 2 days. His memory has been terrible and he has complained of bad headaches again and really bad ringing in his ears. I felt so bad about not being with him, but I really needed to get some help with my physical problems since it impacted how well I could care for my family. He said he was okay and that he had even fixed the tape on his eye by himself. It would be fine until he got home from work. I told him that I wished I didn't have to work and that I could take better care of him. Just that morning, I was late to work because I had a tough time waking him up. He was sleeping so soundly that he didn't even move after Abby licked his hand. I tried to wake him and he was very lethargic. I debated about waking him up, as he had had a bad day the day before and I couldn't decide if he was ill or just exhausted. I wanted him to get the sleep he needed, so I waited until 9:15 to wake him. Judy had come over to get him for Mass, but we decided it was better to let him sleep. Thankfully, that was the correct decision because he woke up much more refreshed and was a lot more coherent than the day before. He was really forgetful and was kind of 'zoned out' the previous day, so it was a relief to see him in better shape. He has not really recovered fully from his last surgeries. He is still struggling with memory problems we didn't notice before and he seems sluggish in a lot of ways. I really hated that I had to get to work and had to drop him off at his job. Usually, I only see him in the evenings and I worry that I might miss something important. Anway, I was on the phone with him as I drove to my doctor appointment and when I said I was sorry I could not always physically be there to help him, I was always praying for him. I said it was a great gift that there are cell phones and email capabilities in our world. It helped me be with him in other ways. He said, "You are my internet cheerleader!"

I got a good laugh from that and then immediately thought about the blog. Everyone who has joined us on this site has been an 'Internet Cheerleader' and we thank you over and over again. This connection with my brothers and sisters in Christ has been one other way that keeps me 'filled spiritually.' May God bless you all.

I would like to ask you to pray for a successful surgery for Gabriel. I have mentioned him before - he too has suffered a brain injury and has been unable to walk since his accident. He was a passenger in a vehicle that was hit broadside 2 years ago. They are attempting one more surgery on his legs so that he can walk. They are not paralyzed, but he suffered damage to his legs in other ways (I am not sure of the complications). He has had some other major surgeries on his legs, but has not been able to walk yet. They are really hopeful about this new doctor and what he is going to do. Thank you for your prayers. Paul and Gabriel know each other now and they pray for each other all the time.

I haven't seen a hummingbird yet. But, as I was walking into work Tuesday, there was a Gray Heron on the roof of our building at work! It took my breath away as it sat so majestically, looking out over the landscape. There is a large pond by our office and after a few moments, it swooped down to the other side of the pond. I stood there in total amazement. As I got to the other end of the building to go inside, there was a little bird on that corner of the roof and it's song was beautiful. I stood looking at it, then I smiled as I thought that God was maybe letting me know He was glad I had realized I had fallen off in my prayer life. I responded with "Fill 'er Up!"

When I got inside I was telling my sister I had seen a Heron and she said she had seen it too as she was in the office on the corner where the Heron was and from those windows was able to see it swoop down to the pond. I was glad I had someone who could confirm what I saw!!

To you, O Lord, I lift my soul.

In you I trust: let me not be put to shame,

let not my eneies exult over me.

No one who waits for you shall be put to shame;

those shall be put to shame who heedlessly break faith.

Your ways O Lord, make known to me;

teach me your paths,

Guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my savior.

Good and upright is the Lord;

thus He shows sinners the way.

He guides the humble to justice,

He teaches the humble his way.

May your spirits take flight on the path of our Lord.

Love,

Jon and Rebecca