Baby You Can Drive My Car

( Pictures would not post, will try them later this afternoon)

The Gospel yesterday was from John 6:1-15. That gospel came to mind today as I started to write this blog. I have heard it so many times, and again, there was a new meaning for me. The miracle of the fish and loaves feeding about 5,000 people who had followed Jesus to hear him speak. It occurred to me today that I had been ready last week to settle for two fish and five loaves. I told Jon just last Sunday, that if Paul were to remain limited in his cognitive abilities or stalled at a child-like stage mentally, I was at peace with that. I said this because I was learning so much about prayer and total trust in God from Paul's behavior. He unabashedly breaks out into prayer when he feels there is something to thank God for or to ask for help. He talks to God throughout the day in either reverent prayer or simple conversation, even laughing and joking as he speaks to Our Father. Just as a son does with his eartly father. Paul is never embarrassed by his vocal prayerfulness. Because of his beautiful example of a more pure love of God, I truly felt peace last Sunday about the possibility that we might have to be Paul's caregivers for life. Just as I had found peace in my heart when I was faced with Paul's probable death 3 days after his accident, when the blood clot was supposed to block the blood flow in his brain . Both times, I felt a very deep hurt inside, but after totalling surrendering myself to God's strength, I was able to feel peace about it, knowing that prayers for God's will to be done are answered. I prayed that I would be given the grace to accept and to only come to love Jesus more perfectly.

God's will was that Paul would live longer and that he would have more abundance in his life. After I settled in with my 2 fish and 5 loaves, God in his kindness showed me there was more. On Saturday, I got up very early and went out to the garden to pull some weeds and do it while it was only 84 degrees instead of 96! Jon, Mike and James took a quick trip to Topsail Island, NC to meet Jon and Marie at Aunt Mary Beth and Uncle Mike's house. It was going to be a win-win situation. Jon and the boys could have a father/son weekend and I could have a bit of peace and quiet before the trip down to Savannah. Also, they would all get to see their cousin/nephew Michael, who joined the Marines and would be at the house also. James and Michael are the same age and have been close throughout the years, so it was a huge treat for James to see him before he leaves for Austria in August and before Michael gets his orders to ship out. I got Paul up around 9:45 AM after I realized this would not be a day that Paul would wake up on his own.....smile. I made him a big breakfast and he ate it all. I told him we had to go to Walmart and he looked at me like I was crazy. He said, "No please............anywhere but Walmart." I hate going there and Saturday is the worst, so I said we would go elsewhere to get the things I needed. I have 2 bird feeders and they had been empty for days, and I primarily wanted to get them filled before I lost my 'flocks' to another feeding station! On our way home, I don't remember how the conversation found its way to the subject of driving, but I remember asking Paul, "Do you really think you could drive and do it well?" He said he didn't know why not. He said that while he would prefer driving with 2 eyes, that was his only drawback. As we pulled into our subdivision, I asked if he wanted to try it. He was very comfortable saying yes. I stopped on a side street so that he could test the brakes and gas pedal to get a feel for it. Before he started, he even remembered that I always put on the emergency brake (it's supposed to help the wear and tear on the transmission....smile) and he released it. I was just about to tell him that it was on, but he must have remembered. Then he drove to the stop sign, checked the traffic and made his left turn. He made a very smooth turn, and drove up the street. He got to the speed bump, and slowed to about 5 mph. I laughed and asked him if that is how he wanted me to do it in the future and he said that it was more comfortable at that speed. I thanked him for the 'visual aid' and said I would make sure to do it that way in the future. At the next stop sign, a car was coming from his left. It had its right blinker on, as I was starting to tell him to not go because a blinker isn't a sure thing and he was already saying he would wait until the car actually made its turn! He drove home and I said to park the car behind his dad's. He asked me if that was because I didn't think he could park it where it usually is - between the garage door and Jon's car - a bit of a tight squeeze. I said, "No, we will be going out later and it is easier to back up straight than manuever out of that spot." He thought I didn't trust him and that is why he questioned me.

We called his dad to let him know he had driven and there was excitement on that end of the phone line as Jon told Paul's brothers, who were standing with him. We called the California Fids, but missed them. We went to the neighbor's house and told Bob and Barb. It was so exciting for us. I don't think Paul had the level of excitement that I did.........he said it was basically like riding a bike. It came to him naturally and he was very comfortable driving. He was very smooth in all the motions, no abrupt stopping or starting. No wide turns. At one point, he had to go around something on our side of the road and he commented that he had to get back into his lane of traffic. He joked that he would get over without 'jacking' a tree. Then he immediately said, "Sorry, that was a bad joke Mom." Later, he said he was so sorry that he has caused the family so much saddness and trouble because of his accident. I told him that we had gained far more grace and gifts from God than he knew and that it was truly an 'accident'. It was not done with malice or recklessness. It was mostly inexperience, but it was an important lesson to remember - pay very close attention when driving. He said he sure would remember that.

Sunday, we went to Mass and we sat by Jerry. Paul participated fully. He used the prayer and song books and followed along. At one point, we had not heard the song number, so I put my book down and was just going to listen. Paul turned around and checked out some one else's book to see the song number, then found it in the book. He solved his problem. As the song ended, he raised his hand in a movement of 'conducting' and was right on the mark with the ending of the song. He smiled at me, knowing he had done it in complete unison with the choir. He walked by himself to receive Communion, and after Mass, he walked up to the picture of the Mother of Perpetual Help and he lit 4 candles, praying out loud each intention he had. Then we left and Jerry came over to have breakfast with us. Later, Paul took a nap. I told him at 3 PM we would go up to St. Stephens to pray the Stations of the Cross. I was vacuuming and it was about 3:11. I stopped working and as I turned around, Paul was right behind me. I almost screamed because it took me by surprise. I had fully expected to have to go up to get him and here he was behind me. He said he had called downstairs at 3:00 and I had not answered the phone, so he got up and got ready and was coming down to tell me we were late! The hour and 1/2 spent in praying the Stations of the Cross and also the prayers to Our Mother of Perpetual Help were the best part of my entire weekend. I could almost 'touch' the peace that surrounded me as I walked around the sanctuary, following Paul and listening to him pray to Jesus at each station. He touched the foot and lower leg of Jesus on one of the sculptures and he said, "As you know Jesus, I won't touch anything but your foot and leg, since I am not worthy to even touch your foot that walks on the dirt. I am sorry for my sins that caused you to die for me." I have truly received more than 2 fish and 5 loaves in this weekend! I keep learning more how to pray with child-like confidence and love.

Paul again drove home from the same spot in our neighborhood. He then asked me what I wanted for dinner. I said I would like a roast beef dinner, but it was too late to start that. He asked where I would go if we went out to eat. I mentioned a place and he said, "Number One, let's go and number two - I am paying!" (I know those of you who know Paul really well are as shocked at reading this as I was at the offer.............Paul rarely paid before!) He called Jerry and asked him to join us, because he wanted to do something special for Jerry since he had spent every day of his vacation with our family last week. We went to dinner and Paul took the bill and paid for it. He knew the tip amount within 2 seconds and filled it all out. He was very careful about checking to see that he had put his wallet back into his pocket before we left the table. I was happy to see that he was totally aware of the fact that he does not remember everything very easily. He drove home from the 'usual spot' for Jerry and Jerry took pictures of it. I had been so disappointed that I had not brought mine, then Jerry pulled his out as Paul was driving! I told him that we would need pictures, because I was sure no one would believe me when I wrote it!

There is more to tell about this weekend, but work begins and I have written enough to keep you busy for too long!

"The hand of the Lord feeds us; he answers all our needs.
The eyes of all look hopefully to you,
and you give them their food in due season;
you open your hand and
satisfy the desire of every living thing."

May you be filled with abundant peace and love in this day,
Jon and Rebecca