Peter, Paul and Mary...............I Shall Be Released

Thursday 6/29

Today is the Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul. I found this out as we sat down to wait for our appointment with the headache specialist. I decided to read my Magnificat instead of the usual magazine offerings in the doctor office. I needed to settle my mind down and just find a 'pocket of peace' while I could. I thumbed through my prayer book until I got to June 29th and there it was - this wonderful feast day where we remember these incredible apostles. The very first thing I read was:
"In their apostolic mission, Saints Peter and Paul were obliged to face difficulties of every kind. but, far from deterring their misssionary activity, these difficulties reinforced their zeal for the Church's welfare and for the salvation of mankind. (Here's the part that jumped out at me!) THEY WERE ABLE TO OVERCOME EVERY TRIAL BECAUSE THEIR TRUST WAS NOT BASED ON HUMAN RESOURCES BUT ON THE GRACE OF THE LORD, WHO DELIVERS HIS FRIENDS FROM EVERY EVIL AND SAVES THEM FOR HIS KINGDOM. May our holy patrons, Peter and Paul, sustain us and obtain for us that missionary zeal which made them witnesses of Christ to the ends of the then-known world" Pope John Paul II

I chuckled and read it out loud for James and Paul. Here we were, looking once again for human resources to solve our problem. I told them we should say prayers to God before we met with the doctor. We prayed to Mary, Our Mother, and asked Sts. Peter and Paul to pray for the medical professionals who would come into contact with Paul, so they would be led to do their best. I realize that whether they respond to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit is between them and God. What we do with our day is between us and God. And God reminded me again this morning to stay close to Him and look to Him for all that we needed.

This new neurologist, Dr. Weisman, took time with us and then said he feels that there are probably a couple of causes of Paul's headache. The brain injury itself can leave a person with significant headaches. They are difficult to help and can take a lot of trial and error in finding the right combination of medicines to control the pain. The brain pressure is also something that needs to be monitored and the one reading Emory did is not enough to gauge the pressure. It can be a normal reading for most of us, but with a brain injury, the 'normal' range is very different due to the damage to the brain. Another issue is Paul may be suffering from rebound headaches, caused by the Tylenol use and the narcotic medicine prescribed. This doctor wants to get Paul off that completely. The fact that Paul is 'horizontal' most of the day is contributing to all of this. The doctor has given us 2 different medicines to work towards getting Paul up and able to function. One will, over time, help Paul sleep through the night, so he is rested in the morning. The other is to help control the pain. Paul's day is now going to start with a 30 minute walk to get his system going. If he has headaches while laying down, with no real relief, then he is going to have to work as best as possible through the headaches. The doctor said that he can actually try to go to work, maybe for a couple of hours each day and see if he can handle that. I asked if the size of the ventricles had anything to do with the headaches and he said it is hard to say how much any of this is the main cause. He is going to obtain records from Emory and will review the CT scans and we will see him in 3 weeks to follow up. He said at that time, it may be necessary to have the shunt adjusted again. I was so glad to hear that he will follow up sooner than the 2 months every other doctor said they would see Paul again. My prayer is that he will take more interest in Paul and get us moved up a notch in this recovery process. I have to admit, it seemed evident that the last doctor took one look at Paul and did not see what was possible, but what was lost and he didn't want to fight for the possible.

Our appointment with the neurosurgeon on Wednesday left us extremely disappointed. He never really answered our questions about the functionality of the shunt. He basically said there was nothing he would do and he would see us in 2 months. From our history so far, too much can happen in 2 months. He also said Paul was ready to move on to rehab. (Dr. Weisman said Paul is not ready for inpatient rehab, he would not be able to last the full 4 hours. He needs to do outpatient only at this time. More differing opinions!) Jon tried very hard to get better information from the neurosurgeon, but he would only give vague answers. We left feeling like crumbs that got flicked off the table. We felt pretty discouraged after Wednesday's appointment and that is why the message I read first thing Thursday was so great a reminder. Through God's grace, us 'crumbs' will be picked up off the floor! It gave me the strength to remain hopeful and we will continue our search for the person who will know the answers. I told Jon that at this point I could handle the idea that Paul might not ever being able to do much of anything again. I could handle having to be his caregiver for life, but I am praying that we will be led at the very least to the answer of relieving his pain. I just want someone to help him with his pain. In answer to this, I was reading Medjugorje Magazine and last Saturday was the 25th anniversary of the day Mary, Mother of God, appeared to the 6 visionaries in Croatia. She is still appearing to one of them each day. Her message has remained the same over all these years. Conversion of our hearts through prayer, fasting and receiving the sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation as often as possible. I have fallen away from fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays as Mary has requested. When I first learned of this request in the mid 1980's, I worked hard to do all that was asked. Over the years, Jon and I were graced to understand how important it was to pray together as a family and to be better examples to our children. After our son Jon went to Medjugorje, he came back with a spirit that was extremely contagious. We took his suggestion of setting up a place in our home that was for family prayer. We started to say the rosary as a family as often as we could and Jon (husband) started to say all 15 decades of the rosary each morning at 4 a.m. We began going to 6:30 a.m. Mass each day. Jon and I went to Adoration at all hours of the night. Our faith grew by leaps and bounds and it is what has helped us hold tightly together during these past 7 months. This latest event in our lives has opened our eyes even more to the message of conversion. We thought we knew how to pray and depend on God! We learned He expects more. We thought we knew how to sacrifice for Him. We learned we can do more. We asked that we would always do His will. We have a very new lesson of what He will ask. The awesomeness of our lesson is still hard to comprehend at times, but in hindsight, it has all been part of His plan for our continued conversion of heart, which will help us to love His Son, Jesus, more perfectly.

We are all being asked to be just like the first apostles. I heard it before, but now I understand it better. I can't imagine the trials they went through and the frustrations they encountered, but God proved Himself faithful to His loving servants. They died as martyrs at the end, and we have our faith today because of these first few who held tight to the knowledge that Jesus came to save us and they loved him. That's my decision again today and I am going to keep all that is in my day between me and God! I don't remember when I stopped fasting regularly, but if it is a way for my continued converstion to take place, I need to put it back on the agenda. I believe in my heart that it will be through the examples of those saints who went before us and Mary's guiding words to pray, fast and remain open to God's will that ...........We All Shall Be Released.

May Jesus open the gates of heaven to all those who have put their faith in Him,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca