We Wish You a Merry Christmas.......

Yes, 'we' as in the entire Fidero Family!! I am still stunned by the overwhelming love of God in this miraculous season of the birth of Jesus. I had pictured the family together at Shepherd Center, bringing Paul's gifts to him and having our Christmas meal with him. I knew it was going to feel strange to be in that setting, but realized it didn't matter where we were, we would so thankfully be together.

So, let me go back to Thursday, late afternoon. I was driving down to the hospital, and I received a call from the case manager who was on duty for our regular case manager. She said the team that is coordinating Paul's recovery process all agreed that it might be in Paul's best interest to actually be home for Christmas day. We were given permission to bring him home, if the family could be at the hospital at 8 a.m. Friday morning to receive instructions for the transfer and care of Paul at home for a day. I had tears in my eyes as I listened to all of this and had to try hard to stop, as there was no place to pull over. We didn't need another accident to add to all this! Needless to say, we were there before 8 a.m. and looked forward to being with Paul during the day.

Paul was a real trooper that day. Since we all had to learn the function of transfering Paul from his wheel chair into the car, Paul had to repeat all these actions 4 times. He did not really understand why he was doing things 4 times each, but he did it. We went through all his therapies with him. When he was back in bed later that day, he fell right asleep. We went home that evening so excited! We spent Saturday getting food, setting the house up for the wheelchair to have easy access to each toom and planning out Christmas day. Jon and the boys went down to the hospital Saturday evening to be with Paul and talk to him about the next day. I reluctantly stayed home, as I had done something that caused my neck to hurt and needed to lay down so that we could all attend midnight Mass. Jon called me from the hospital and said that Paul seemed very 'depressed' and would not look at them and just kept his head rested in his hands as he sat in his wheelchair. We had previously discussed with the boys that the visit home could possibly not be a good one, it all depended on Paul's mental state of mind. So this news brought to light the fact that Christmas day might not go as planned. As I waited for them to come back home, I prayed that we would have a safe trip to and from the hospital and that Paul would benefit from the visit according to God's will.

Midnight Mass was beautiful, but Jon (dad) struggled as he could not help but remember how he had left Paul earlier. It is hard for him to watch Paul struggling and having to leave Paul alone at the end of each day. He misses Paul so much especially at night when there is no one to play guitars with him. After Mass, so many friends helped lift our spirits, as so many people have each day since 11/11. When we got home, it was hard to go to sleep due to our anticipation of the next day. How Mary and Joseph must have felt, as they awaited the birth of Jesus!

I woke up very early, after only about 4 hours of sleep. I came downstairs and found that Jon was already awake, had coffee brewing and he was doing some final picking up around the house. We then sat quietly and talked about how blessed we were to have such loving sons and that God allowed Paul to be with us at home on this most glorious day. My brother (Keith) called and we talked about how joyful a day this was and he put us on the speaker phone and his family, my brother Jim (he was at Keith's house) and Jon and I prayed together. The gospel reading for Christmas Day's Mass at dawn is Luke 2:15-20. It meant so much to me, especially the verse, "And Mary kept all these things, relfecting on them in her heart." So many times in these last 6 weeks, I have reflected on the mysteries of God's ways and the wonders of His hand. Why God has chosen to not only spare Paul's life, but to allow so much recovery so quickly is a wonderment for us. I thought about how God chose to bring his Son into the world in so obsure a place as a manger in a stable. Jesus, our King and Savior, hidden in poverty and not the splendor and royal announcements that our world would have thought was appropriate. Reflecting on this, I have seen that as hidden as God's ways must seem to us, if we seek, we will actually see the granduer of God's ways and the great abundance of His love. Life itself is the gift. Our next breath is in God's hands and we have no control over it. We have been learning so much through this all. Learning to live in the very moment is the most beautiful lesson of all. It is where God dwells. Seek to do His will in every moment and He will answer you. Trust this truth.

Christmas Day was another of our most blessed days of this past year. We didn't even take time for showers as we raced out to go get Paul. He was in his wheelchair at he front desk, and we asked if he was ready to go home. He pointed to the doors and nodded yes. He started to walk to the doors, but we had to get his coat and hat on. There was a delay in getting all the instructions about his meds, so Paul and his brothers went out and sat by the elevators. Finally we left. I could not quit smiling as I watched Paul roll out of the elevator and head for the doors outside. His brothers were surrounding him and they were talking to him like they always had before. They got him into the van, and they waited patiently as I took pictures at every moment I could. Paul kept giving me a thumbs up when I asked him to look my way. On the ride home, he slipped his shoes and socks off, crossed his leg as he always does and was totally relaxed. I wondered if he knew where he was, and got my answer when he started to unbuckle as we turned onto the street right before we get to our house. Jon had to hold the buckle to keep Paul from undoing it. We had called Beverly and Joe (sister and brother in law) to see if they could be at the house as we arrived to get it filmed. My present from Jon and the boys did not arrive in time.........a digital movie camera. We had been told to keep the visit low key, so we had not planned on anyone being there when we arrived. But God's hand was in this and the reason for my camera not being delivered on time was that the Rickels could also share in the most joyous arrival home for our family. My mother was able to be present for all this too and it made me so happy since she had not been able to see Paul since last July. She is not able to get around very well, and this made it easy for her to see him. (Thank you God for interceding in the delivery of the camera!!)

I cannot describe the amount of joy in that moment of pulling into the driveway and seeing the Rickels family and my mom waiting for us and the realization I had all 4 sons in the car with Jon and me. "As we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Saviour Jesus Christ" took on new meaning. As we have waited in hopefulness these last weeks of the year for Paul to recover, we should be longing for Jesus and waiting in that same joyful hope for Him as we welcome Him in our hearts.

We got out and his brothers stood at Paul's door while we were trying to get the wheelchair set back up. Paul didn't want to wait and kept trying to get out of the car. My oldest son Jon said "let him try to walk in" and so he and James and Jon (dad) all got around Paul, took his hands and led him towards the walkway into the front door. He walked wihout any hesitation. They brought Paul into the front hallway and were going to wait for the wheelchair to be brought in for him to sit down. He motioned to the couch in the music room, so they took him in there and helped him sit down. I sat next to him and asked him "do you know where you are?" and he gave me a 2 thumbs up signal! We all laughed with joy and also a bit of relief! We got him settled in and comfortable, and then everyone gathered in this room to say prayers of thanksgiving for this beautiful day that God had allowed. This is the room where we pray as a family, and I could hardly believe this wonderful gift from God. So much family surrounding me, including my nephew Joseph, who is in the Army and was able to be home with Joe and Bev this Christmas. Unfortunately, they have one daughter (Anna) who could not be home this Christmas due to work obligations. But Anna - you are always in our hearts and prayers no matter where you are! One of my treasures in life is the memories I have of all the times we have sat in that room and prayed about many things with family and friends. Add one more time to that list!

The boys wanted to open presents immediately, as they were so excited for Paul to open the gifts DTSi and Lisa and Brendan Hanrahan (dear friends) had given him. Paul received an Ipod Nano and speakers for the Ipod, and an external hard drive that had hundreds of songs loaded for transfer to Paul's Ipod. Paul knew how to work the Ipod and his brothers quickly worked to get some songs loaded for him. He didn't take much interest in any of the other gifts we had for him, except some Mrs. Fields cookies!
He watched everyone else open their gifts, and during this time, took the camera I had and took a few pictures of Jon (brother). He then sat and looked back at all the pictures we had taken so far. After this, we brought a large lounge chair from Michael's room downstairs and we got him into that chair to rest and get a nap. He didn't really sleep like we thought he would. He dozed off for just a short time and that was it. He did not eat very well at all. Just a couple of cookies, and a few bites of dinner. I think his not eating was due to the overwhelming day he was having. That is the only concern we had about him. I think there was too much stimuli for him to concentrate on eating. He did drink some milk and water.

The huge event for him was the issue of the restroom. We don't have one on the main floor, and he would need to use steps to get to ours. He let his brothers know he needed to use it, so they helped him get up the stairs. He showed no hesitancy in walking up the steps. He was being balanced by his brothers on both sides and his dad was walking up behind them for any needed support, but Paul climbed the steps and was not out of breath. There are 12 steps! I was sick to my stomach as I watched!!! I wanted them to use what the hospital had given us, but they felt Paul would do fine and they were right. He took a little longer to get down the steps, as he can only use one eye and his depth perception is affected. this was another thing that I could not have imagined at all. Paul climbing 12 steps in 6 weeks - this was huge!

At the end of the day, Jon and Jon (brother and father) played their guitars while Paul watched. Paul had been given a guitar earlier in the day by his dad and he played a couple of correct chords, which thrilled his dad! But he just listened to his brother and dad play at the end of the day. He was tired and was very content to just listen. He motioned to them that he recognized the songs they were playing, which were the ones they had all played in the concert they did the year before at Thanksgiving for family and friends.

Michael kept a watch on the clock for the time to leave and gave us the 15 minutes warning time for departure. We started to get Paul ready to go, and he motioned he didn't want to leave. We explained that he needed to keep working on getting better in his speech and walking and that Shepherd Center will do that for him. As we explained, we got his shoes and socks back on. (He had taken them off while sitting on the couch earlier, after seeing his brother Jon's bare feet. I had come in and sat next to Paul and he took one of his blankets off and laid it over me. So I took my slippers off and put my bare feet up on the chair that Paul and Jon were using to prop up their feet. I had my camera in my pocket and recognized this as a fun 'Kodak moment'...smile!!) He let us get his coat and hat back on. We drove him back to Shepherd Center, and got him settled in. He used his new battery operated toothbrush and let Jon (brother) help him get cleaned up. I thought he would fall asleep quickly because we had to help him lift his feet up off the floor as he got into bed, but he stayed wide awake. So we blessed him and said a prayer and then turned on the sports channel for him to fall asleep to.............works everytime.

As we celebrate the second day of Christmas, I am reminded about the Wise Men who came seeking Jesus. It truly is wise men who seek Jesus and the rewards are heavenly. Praise be to God for life and love and hope - they all bring joy.
I received a candle for Christmas from a good friend of mine (Kathy Finnerty) and it has this saying on the side:
"Hope speeds our prayers to God and awaits patiently God's answer"
This truth will 'burn' in my heart forever.

Merry Christmas to everyone and God's blessings to you in all things.
Love,
The Entire Fidero Family

(pictures to follow later today!)