Perfect Answer

Monday 12/19 - 6:30 a.m.
We had a very big day with Paul on Saturday. All his brothers came to visit him, as Jon and James were home from college. It actually overwhelmed Paul and he did not do well with eating his lunch. He is still doing a very poor job of eating, and takes only a few bites of his food. He doesn't swallow each mouthful, and tends to 'pocket' it in his cheeks. We have to keep reminding him to chew and swallow each biteful that he takes. Dinner didn't go much better on Saturday or Sunday. I was told that he drank all his milk Saturday at breakfast, but that was all. When I came to the hospital Sunday, he was at lunch and had poured BBQ sauce inteded for his meat on his vegetable. While I am not sure how good it tasted, Paul did eat a couple of bites. On Sunday, there was a bag of potato chips and he ate those with a lot of enthusiasm. It appears Paul still has a fondness for junk food.

Paul's brothers sat at a table with Paul and played Texas Hold Em, like they used to. Paul seemed to remember some of the basics, and he did 'fold' with a hand that wasn't a good one. He later became very sad, laid his head down on the table and had tears running down his cheeks. We asked him what was the matter and he used his hands to count by 10 and showed us '21'. Since he is not talking yet, we tried to make sense of what he was saying. His brother Jon thought it might be that Paul is sad that he is 21 and is frustrated by the fact that he can't do anything. He was easily frustrated Saturday and I think it is because he saw his brothers all standing around and he, on some level, realized something isn't right with him. We tried to explain to him that he has come a long way, telling him what condition he had been in and all the things he can now do. We realize that the emotions he will start to display will be very natural and that he won't remember each day what happened in the previous day. But it is sad to watch him as he struggles to make sense of all this and with the mental and physical limitations he is experiencing.

We all took him out of the unit and walked down to an atrium area where it was very sunny. He doesn't like to sit still in his wheelchair, so we stopped there only briefly, and he was off down the hallway again. He did a lot of walking in his wheelchair and was very tired in the afternoon. He took a nap and his brother Jon and I stayed with him to see if we could get him to eat more at dinner. He didn't do well with it. He later became very agitated and was very restless. We thought it might do him some good to see Geneva, his girlfriend. We called Geneva and she talked to him on the cell phone and he seemed to cheer up. We told him Geneva was coming and his brother told him that he needed to freshen up before she came. Jon helped him get cleaned up by changing his shirt, brushing his teeth and washed his hands. Paul seemed to understand why Jon was doing all this. We then walked him out of the unit to sit by the elevator to wait. Unfortunately, there is a better chance of winning the lottery than being able to get anywhere in Atlanta and not have a traffic jam. Geneva got caught in bad traffic and was delayed in her arrival. Paul got too tired and we had to get him back to bed. He was still awake when she came, and the visit went well. Geneva had made some snowflakes for her dorm room and brought them for Paul's room to help him know what time of year it is. Jon hung them from the ceiling and in the window. We wanted to put up Christmas lights, but were not allowed to because of fire safety. We have a small tree decorated with ornaments on his table.

Paul spent most of Sunday looking for a place to put his head down. They checked his temperature to see if maybe he was ill. He laid his head down on the table at his meal times. When we took a walk with him, he would be on the lookout for a place to lay his head down. We ended up in his room with the bed elevated and his head on a pillow. The nurse got him back in bed and he did not sleep. So it didn't appear that he was tired. He may have been very dizzy. It is hard to know anything because he doesn't speak. His hand gestures are tough to understand, so this causes him more frustration. To sum it up, the weekend left him frustrated and us feeling extremely helpless. One thing that was good was when we all stood around him and prayed, he did remember how to do the sign of the cross and joined us in that - oh the little joys!

That reminds me of something that I had not mentioned before!!! On Satureday, 12/10, Paul's dad took a pad of paper and pen to try to communicate with Paul. Paul took the pen and paper and wrote something that Jon thought might have said St. Paul. When he told me, I thought that was a bit strange that he would just write that without any reason. I asked Jon what he had asked Paul, and he said he had just handed the the notepad and pen to Paul to see if he could write. The next day I gave the pad and pen to Paul and he immediately wrote St. Paul. It was written very clearly. He gave me the pen and paper back and just looked at me. I told him God loved him very much and that St. Paul was praying for him. He just kept looking at me and had tears in his eyes. We had not talked about anything that would make him write something like this. Paul also had no idea that we had had a relic of St. Paul in his room at Gwinnett Medical Center. Fr. Paddy had lent it to us to keep in the room, along with other sacramentals. I had started to pray to St. Paul about 2 weeks before the accident, asking him to pray with me for Paul because of my concerns about him getting more involved in the music industry. The band that Paul was in had a CD recording that they were putting the finishing touches on, and were going to be showcasing for record labels. I was very worried about Paul's future in this industry for obvious reasons. I was hopeful that his depth of faith and beliefs were strong enough to avoid the temptations that are associated with the music industry. So I decided to pray to St. Paul and Blessed Mother Mary for their intercessory prayers for Paul, since I had no control over the situation. I knew that my prayers and those of others would help Paul do God's will in his life. My thinking was that St. Paul had his own struggles in life and an incredible conversion story and since our son was named after him, I would place Paul in the hands of this saint. I also entrusted his soul to the Mother of Jesus as she would protect him as he went out into the world and out of our sights. From one mother's hands to another! So I was filled with joy when, out of the blue, some of Paul's first written words were St. Paul. It was a confirmation to me that God had heard the prayers for Paul's protection and that God is guiding Paul on the pathway He intends. I have not questioned why God stopped Paul in his tracks, but have compared it to the way God stopped St. Paul the Apostle in his tracks. We are waiting in joyful hope for what God has in store for our son and keep praying that Paul will answer yes.

The gospel on Sunday was Luke1:26-38. "The angel Gabriel comes to Mary and says 'Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you.' She was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. Then the angel said to her, '"Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.'

I can only imagine her fear hearing and questions she must have had as she heard these words. And then her response is magnificient - "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word." We have been asked by God to respond with nothing less when we encounter the requests He makes in our lives. My first reaction after hearing Michael's words that Paul was seriously hurt was "not my Paul, not my Paul." I was so stricken with grief. Once I got to the accident scene, I was left with nothing other than the words in my head of "God, he was yours first and he will always be your child. If you take him home, please give me strength." I look back and see that He answers our prayers when we surrender to His will. And because of Mary's yes, we have Jesus. Thank you Mary for your yes.

We pray that all of you be given the love of God and strength to say yes to God's will in your lives, wherever it may take you. Just as Mary gave the perfect answer.

Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero