Be Thou My Vision

Paul's surgery went quickly and now it is a matter of time to see if it will solve the problem of the brain fluid pressure. We spent Saturday in his room, watching and praying for signs of improvement. We have continued the Divine Mercy Novena, which is such a wonderful gift from Jesus to St. Faustina, then made known to the world through Pope John Paul II.

It was very strange to spend the first Good Friday and Holy Saturday away from all the services at church, but I realized that we must be meant to pray for all those who were also not able to be with family and friends. There was so much time to reflect on how much others suffer in this world and that while we weren't able to be away from the hospital, we were surrounded by the prayers of those who love and care about us. What consolation and joy that knowledge brought us.

One thing that really struck us again was the amount of caring offered by the pre-op staff. One of the nurses took a special interest in Paul and talked to us about him. As we shared some of what he has endured, she started to cry and said it was a beautiful story and she was glad to hear that he is recovering. She said that he has such a beautiful face (which we see too, beyond the eye patch and scarred head)! All I see anymore is his gentle demeaner. Once again, a complete stranger taking the time to really care for our son. God continues to show His love through others!

Saturday afternoon, Paul woke up and was hungry. We knew his dinner would be coming fairly soon, so Jon and I quickly went to the cafeteria to get some food, so we could all eat together. We got back to the room and Paul smelled the food and asked where his dinner was. Jon cut his hamburger in half, since Paul's was hopefully on its way. Paul ate it quickly, and then asked where the other half was. Jon felt so bad when he had to say, "I ate the other half. I thought your hamburger would be here by now." So, Paul ate all of Jon's french fries. By this time, his own dinner was delivered. Paul ate the entire hamburger, but let Jon have the french fries!

We thought about going to the Easter Vigil at St. Stephen's but Paul did not want to be left alone for that long. It would be about 4 hours before we could get back to the hospital. We decided on going to the 8:30 A.M. Mass, with the hopes that Paul would be released Sunday morning. I stayed the night with Paul and we watched the special about the last days of Pope John Paul II. As I was watching (through tear filled eyes, I have to admit) I again remembered that Paul had worn the zachetto of Pope John Paul II back in November when wonderful Fr. Kevin Peek brought it with him when he said Mass that night. I sat quietly describing it all to Paul and he said he remembered being told that. (That was a good sign that he had remembered something from weeks ago.) He watched very intently, most of the program. Finally, when there was only about 15 minutes to go, he said he was sorry and asked if I could turn the TV off. He said he knew that I wanted to finish watching, but he had a very bad headache. It is hard for Paul to have noise for long periods of time, as his brain tires very quickly. He actually surprised me with how long he watched this program. I took care of his eye for the night, then he fell asleep.

I noticed the time and it was when the Easter Vigil would begin for Kelly, who was going to be baptized. I read through some of the readings to be with everyone in spirit, but actually alternated thinking about Kelly and all my sons and family in Chicago celebrating this joyous event and also the last days of my father's death. Four years ago he was in the hospital all of Holy Week, and he died Easter at sunrise. I went to some of the services for him and then shared it by telling him all about them. I spent the nights with him and we had long and wonderful conversations. I remembered his telling me on Holy Thursday how afraid he was that night. We knew he was going to die soon and he was very afraid and wondered how it was going to be. All I could think to tell him was that he would leave the loving hands of his family, then straight into the hands of Jesus, accompanied by the Blessed Mary. How much more wonderful could that be? Picturing that still makes me vow over again that I will try to live as holy as I can, so that I may be graced with eternal life in heaven. I also sat reflecting for a long time about this Lenten season and how after seeing "The Passion of the Christ" I had a much more vivid visual aid into what Jesus suffered for us. All so that we COULD leave this world and then be in His loving hands. Having watched Paul suffer all these days of Lent brought an even more personal glimpse into the love being offered to us all by Jesus. So often I have meditated on how we have been blessed to actually 'feel' some of the suffering endured by Jesus and His most Blessed Mother. To be allowed to partake in a minute portion of that has helped me to rejoice with a greater joy as I thought about all those who were being baptized at the Easter Vigil Masses being said all over the world, most especially Kelly.(I spent about an hour talking on the phone to the family after the Mass - it was my way of sharing in the joy of the night!)

How I long for the conversions of those who don't know of the love being offered in great abundance by God our Father, through His Son Jesus, Our Saviour. I saw the emptiness of those who suffer alone, while we waited in the hospital for Paul to come out of surgery. There was a family there who obviously was suffering over the injury of a loved one. I did not know their circumstances and when the chaplain of the hospital saw Jon and me, she came in and told that family that they might find some hope in our story. I introduced myself to them and as I was sharing some of the things about Paul, it quickly became apparent they did not really want to hear it, nor did they want to talk to us. I politely ended the conversation with a sincere wish that all would go well for them. Most of them stood up and left the room. I felt such incredible sadness for them, knowing that they must be in so much pain over the turn of events in their life. I then immediately thanked God for allowing us to know He was with us in all these days since the accident and that with the loving intercession of the Blessed Mother and saints in heaven, we would be given everything we needed to go forth and walk closer in line with Him. I had felt that power of His love immediately that first day and I remain so grateful for all the people who came to our aid - strangers included! In fact, it was the love and concern shared by complete strangers that impressed me the most. It was a vivid sign of God's love for His children, working through others. Jon and I prayed wholeheartedly for this family that was suffering so much. I can honestly say, I do remember the intense pain of that first week. But not in horror. Because in hindsight, it has brought us to a relationship with God that I would not ever trade away. All the pain has been worth the increased awareness of God's glory, which is bursting forth on this Glorious Easter day.

We are home and Paul is sleeping soundly. All of the flowers and azaleas are bursting with color and the breeze is gently blowing across the porch. All is right in God's world and if you look, it is easy to see and share in it. We will use today to shore up our strength for what tomorrow brings.

A blessed and glorious Easter to everyone and welcome Kelly, our dear Sister In Christ!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca