Anticipation

Last week was certainly one of the harder ones to get through. There were no 'mile markers' for us to see that we were making some progress. I had to keep more of a bird's eye view of all this to keep my hopes up, as we were moving forward at a snail's pace. Paul has had one continuous headache and only Lortab has relieved it. This makes him very tired, which in turn keeps him from eating. On Friday, he asked for a roast beef sandwich and I brought it to him, happy he had actually asked for food. He picked it up and took one bite. Before he finished swallowing it, he had fallen asleep. I had to wake him to finish that and he sat with the sandwich iin his hand for a moment, then I realized he had fallen asleep again. I have had to depend on tube feedings for the last 5 days, and am thankful we have it. He is down to 123 lbs and needs to at least maintain this weight. He is very weakened since he has only been out of bed to use the restroom and get daily showers. When we try to get him to walk around, he has been very irritable. Jon was able to get him to walk down the street a little way. He told Paul how important it was to keep trying to move and Paul said he would love to, if his head weren't hurting so bad. It is not that Paul doesn't want to then, it is because of the intense pain.

We also have had to use the 2 casts for his legs, as he was very stiff when he did try to walk on Thursday. What a great blessing I did not let Shepherd Center throw them away when we were leaving in January! As we look forward, it is sometimes so hard to see the forest for the trees, but in hindsight, God's hand is sometimes so clear. I draw strength from the knowledge that He has lead us through so many tough times, providing relief just when we need it. This has been a really difficult week for me, as I have watched Paul laying in bed everyday, not much stronger than his second week at Shepherd Center (with a lot less activity). He isn't even talking anymore and basically communicates with sign language again. I asked him why he doesn't want to speak the words and he just points to his head.

Yes, a very bleak week. But God has a great sense of humor. As I was driving I saw a sign in front of a church with this message - WHEN DESPAIR AND HOPELESSNESS KNOCKS ON YOUR DOOR, LET JESUS ANSWER IT. I smiled and then asked Jesus to stay in the car with me, because Satan has been knocking on our door all week and I could use the help getting rid of him and his friends, Despair and Hopelessness. And it worked - I kid you not. On Saturday, Jon and I really wanted to go to Reconciliation before Divine Mercy Sunday. The weather was perfect for our plan. We got Paul into the van, and brought a pillow. When we got to church, we had him lay the seat down, and we opened all the windows and he was able to sleep. We could see the van as we stood in line inside the church, so we could keep an eye on him. We got there early enough so that we were only 3rd in line! When we were leaving, we got to see 4 of our friends from St. Stephen's - Patty Palmquist, Joe Fumei, Patty Doman (we sponsored her in RCIA last year) and Gloria. We got to visit with them for a few minutes outside and it was so wonderful being with friends for those moments. The gift of grace from the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the gift of friendship...........a one-stop shop! This whole thing really lifted our spirits and we went home very lighthearted. I knew Jesus helped us in our need for hope to be restored.

We tried to get Paul to join us out on the deck, but he wanted to be back in bed. After we got him settled, we sat on the front porch and watched a family of birds being tended in a nest that is in a planter about 3 feet away from the rocking chairs. We sat very still and after they made sure we weren't going to disturb them, the mother and father kept flying in and out, getting food to the baby birds in the nest. It was so fascinating watching the 2 adult birds coordinate their actions. What impressed Jon and I both was how the one bird would stay in the Dogwood tree, on a branch overhead and would chirp the whole time the other one got food to the babies. We realized that it was to distract other birds who might bring harm. Since the babies start to chirp when the food is brought to the doorway, the lookout bird chirps loudly so it drowns out the sound of the babies. Equally amazing is that Jon and I were so much at peace, that we were able to NOTICE all this. We had a full hour of being able to marvel at the sights and sounds of nature in front of us. All for free!

We had to split up for Mass times. I went to the earliest Mass at St. John Neumann and Jon and Michael went to St. Stephen's at the next Mass. Jon brought Communion to Paul, as we do every week. I felt more peace as we prayed together, knowing God heard our prayers and in His time and in His way, recovery will occur. I didn't feel the deep sadness I had felt this past week as I looked at Paul, thin and weak, laying so still in his bed. God showed His hand on Saturday and His grace continues to flow like a river. I was correct about that, because in the afternoon at 3:00 P.M. there was going to be a service for Divine Mercy Sunday at St. Stephen's. Jon and I had prayed the nine day novena prayers of Divine Mercy and we had hoped Paul would be well enough to attend. He did ......in the same way he was with us at Reconciliation. He had to stay laying down in the car, but we parked in the handicap space right outside the door and we prayed inside, while Paul was right outside. (Both times, he had his cell phone in his hand and could call us if ne needed us. Jon had the number dialed and all Paul needed to do was press TALK.) He was very comfortable in the van, as a breeze was blowing and the temperature was perfect. If the weather had not been this perfect, we would not have attempted this!
Our friend Joe Fumei gave Paul an Enrollment card for the Archconfraternity of Our Mother of Perpetual Help and St. Alphonsus, and he will share in all the benefits thereof. This will include daily masses for his healing. The picture of Mother of Perpetual Help brought back the memory of the picture my parents had in our home since I was a baby. It is still with my mother. When I was younger, my parents took us to the Tuesday night devotions to Mother of Perpetual Help. When that was no longer possible, my mother prayed the prayers of devotion every Tuesday anyway. To this day, she continues this practice. What beautiful prayers they are, with the promise of Mary's intercession before God. What a wonderful Grandmother Paul has - praying for her children and grandchildren all these years!

"Mother of Perpetual Help, today we face so many difficulties.
Your picture tells us so much about you. It reminds us to reach out and
help those in need. Help us understand that our lives belong to others
as much as they belong to us.

Mary, we know we cannot heal every ill or solve every problem. But with God's
grace, we intend to do what we can. May we be true witnesses to the world
that love for one another really matters. May our daily actions proclaim
how fully our lives are modeled after yours, Mother of Perpetual Help."

About anticipation...............we will be seeing the neurologist today to see if they are going to adjust the shunt. We also see the eye specialist on Tuesday at Emory. God helped me with the timing of that appointment, to be sure. I called in last week to see if the referral to this doctor had been made. It had not and the next available appointment would not be until June. I said that we would have to take that one, but then the receptionist said they had just received a cancellation for an appointment on Tuesday and could we make that? Thanks be to God, we might be able to get something done to help Paul get rid of that patch and a better way to protect the cornea! So, with hopeful anticipation we start with Divine Mercy Sunday and walk forward into this week, as we continue to pray, Jesus, We Trust In You.

Reading from the Magnificat on Monday 4/24 (Isaiah 30: 19-21)

He will be gracious to you when you cry out.
The Lord will give you the bread you need and the water for
which you thirst. No longer will your Teacher hide himself, but
with your own eyes you shall see your Teacher, while from behind,
a voice shall sound in your ears: "This is the way; walk in it,"
when you would turn to the right or to the left.

Peace in the Risen Christ,
Jon and Rebecca