Keeping a Perspective

In those first few days after the accident, I remember wondering how we would all cope with this crushing blow to our family. Then, I heard only a few minutes of a TV report that most of the wedding party at an Iraqi wedding were killed by a bomb. The parents of the bride and groom were killed. To this day I remember that moment very clearly and how it put everything into perspective for me. Here was a young couple starting out a new life together and their day of joy was filled with death all around them. I knew I could get through that day by remembering how much more sorrowful their circumstances were. I have prayed for those people so often in these last 2 months. When we were sitting in the hospital waiting room for all those weeks, we heard about other people's stories and some were so sad and the faces of the families were heart wrenching to see. When I read the comments on this site last night, I went to the other sites that Ellen Thomas shared and once again, I was reminded that there is so much suffering out in the world we live in. I used to avoid sad stories, sad movies or books because it overwhelmed me with a feeling of helplessness. It was too big for me to handle, and it was easier to just ignore it. Ignorance was bliss.

This whole incident with Paul has brought me so much more insight into the suffering in our world. I now have a greater understanding of what some of these people might be feeling and for others, a greater empathy for those with more sorrowful circumstances. By the grace of God, I now know what I can do about the enormity of it all. Place it in the hands of God through prayer. Your comments and beautiful thoughts have been one of the most wonderful blessings from God. Faith filled brothers and sisters in Christ sharing their love and experiences with everyone around them, bringing comfort to the lonely, the sick and the dying. I now am happy to hear about anyone who needs our prayers. I have started a list of the names I learn about, to include them in our prayers for Paul. I am so grateful to God that He has placed this awareness of suffering in my heart, so that I can somehow be a part of another's healing. While I would not have chosen THIS WAY to learn it, I know God is the teacher and I am reminded once again, I have so much more to learn! But I am not as afraid to look at suffering as before. God is with us, hears us, and lets us learn as we go. The perfect Father. As Mother Teresa said, you don't have to come to India to help. Look to your family and your neighbors.

Yesterday was not a good day for Paul. He may have been tired from his trip home on Sunday. James, his brother, went to the hospital to help Paul with his lunch. It provided me with a chance to put in a full day at work. He said Paul was not eating, and so James sat patiently with him and finally they were able to get Paul started. The speech therapist took over and Paul ate a good lunch. I was with Paul last night and he would not eat and seemed very distant. He finally took a bite of food and then sat for 15 minutes without chewing. He seemed to forget that he had something in his mouth. After an hour, he had eaten only about 5 bites of food. At one point, he seemed to shiver. He looked at me, then it happened again. I thought he might be having a seizure as he seemed alarmed after it happened the second time. I asked if he was okay and he said no. I took him back to his room and got him into bed. He dozed on and off, but he was not really restful and was awake when I finally left at 9 P.M. He was not acting very coherent. I let the nurse know what happened and will follow up with the doctor today. Before I left, another young man who we have watched these past 5 weeks, was able to stand up and do a dance for his family. It was wobbly, but it was the most beautiful sight to me in that moment. His family was so happy and their laughter was contagious. I knew what joy they must be feeling. I came home and was able to read the comments on the site and fell asleep with a great peace, having been reminded that God is the director in our lives and I am glad to let Him handle it. That part is too big for me!

I am so excited about Paul's coming home tomorrow, that I flew out of bed today, thinking I was late in going downtown to get him. The sun is glowing through a very foggy sky and it gave me a visual aid in relating to Paul's state of mind. He is shining right behind the fog in his brain, and in time, the fog will burn off and he will bring his light into our lives once again. Praise be to God in heaven. Thanks be to God for all of your prayers.

Peace of our Lord, Jesus Christ, be with you all and may His light shine clearly for you to see today!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca