War and Peace

Paul playing the card game 'WAR' with his Dad.





Paul at peace, sleeping soundly.

Setting Records

Jon and I went to see Paul this afternoon to spend the rest of the day and evening with him before we go to New Hampshire for Jon's wedding on Sunday, the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God. We were feeling very emotional about having to leave one son to be with another, as each of them have an important reason for our physical presence. We left Paul sleeping, and the peacefulness on his face reminded me that all is right in God's world. He has brought Paul this far and His Will will be done. Our prayers for the loving protection of God to surround Paul will be answered and I place my trust in Him. So, we will be off to celebrate the much anticipated wedding of our first son, Jon, to Marie Hennessy. Their marriage will complete the joy of this year and will begin 2006 with all that God has intended for them. God's love for us has no limits and this becomes more clear by the day!!

Paul was not on the mark today as he has been the last 2 days. I was actually thinking he may not be feeling well, because he did not eat any of his dinner. But he does not have a fever and his vital signs were all good. It could be that he has had enough of the hospital food and wants some more of the Chik=fil-A waffle fries that his brother Mike brought for him a couple days ago. Paul basically 'inhaled' those waffle fries and the memory of them may have returned tonight, making his meat balls and squash less appetizing! Anyway, he did not eat as well as we hoped he would. They feel confident that his appetite will return and he will be able to have the stomach tube removed before he comes home to live. If it is not - we will just bring in meals from Subway, Wendy's and Ruby Tuesdays. We'll have him off the Ensure feedings before he can say "I love fast food."

We did hear some other very encouraging news today from one of the doctor's who is working with Paul. He came into the room and asked Paul how he was doing and Paul gave him the thumbs up sign. He then told us that Paul is setting records with his recovery. I will, at this point, quote that title from an earlier blog in the first 2 weeks......."Coincidence, I THINK NOT". This is just a reminder to everyone about who is in charge of all this ..........GOD. How else can one explain all the many miracles we are seeing and in so quick a time frame? This doctor said that Paul was making great progress and that he will have to work hard in the area of recalling words as he tries to speak, but it will come in due time. He was doing well with reading sentences and showing an understanding of what he was reading. These are very good signs concerning the extent of Paul's recovery. The important thing to remember as we walk forward is that Paul is making progress. Every day that he makes improvements, it is a positive sign about his recovery. Kelly, the speech therapist who worked with Paul at Gwinnett Medical Center, came by to see Paul today. She was at Shepherd Center for a conference and she said she had to see how well he was doing. She asked that we get a picture of him to the nurses at Gwinnett Medical because they had asked her to check on him to see how he was doing. Kelly said it was so good to see Paul with hair, no tubes, sitting up and giving responses so readily. He has made great progress and it made her happy to see him like this. She was also happy to hear we are going to bring Paul back to the Neuroscience Unit at Gwinnett Medical as soon as he can walk a little more steadily and can speak better. She said it really helps them to see their patients again after they recover.

Paul came back to him room after dinner and did not do any wandering around checking on other patients. He was very tired, which may also be the reason he didn't feel like eating. We gave him his deck of cards and he practiced shuffling them with both hands. He got frustrated with the weakness in his left hand, so his dad asked Paul to join him in a game of War. Paul was able to play the game with the same speed that anyone would play, and knew each time who had the better card. He even remembered how to set up the cards when they had a 'War' situation. He also took time to check the cards he lost in War, to see what he was losing. I video taped it for him to see later. (I am so excited I have a video camera to keep a record of all this. Thank you dear sons and husband for this great gift!) After he played for a half hour, his dad helped him get cleaned up and we got him into bed. He fell asleep within 15 minutes. I asked him to join us in prayers and while he didn't speak the words out loud, he mouthed the words of the Glory Be. He also signed himself before and after our prayers. When I reminded him that he could always say the name of Jesus when he was struggling, he immediately gave me the thumbs up. He knows God is with him and indicated to us he fully understands that God is helping him.

We have met so many wonderful people at Shepherd. Their sufferings are so much greater in some cases and we are in awe of their strength and their trust in God. It helps us keep this in perspective and we always thank God that He made our cross so easy to carry. There is another incredible story of a young lady (18) whose younger brother (16) saved her from death after their accident in which the van they were in rolled four times. Her boyfriend was killed in that accident and her brother was one of the pall bearers at his funeral 4 days after their accident. What courage they have all shown. They are a very loving and faithful family and we have drawn strength from them as we watch their daughter's recovery and wait in prayerful hope for her full recovery. It is a reminder to us that there is so much suffering in this world and if it is offered up to God, He will help us bring about His Glory and it will not be in vain.

We read the comments tonight when we got home and it brought us such joy knowing that Paul's suffering is not in vain - that the Glory of God is being seen by so many people in all this. We will continue to pray for the guidance of God as we share this faith story with you, so that it remains His story and His works. As Blessed Mother Teresa said " I am the pen in God's hands."

May you all be instruments of the Lord, so that His peace will reign in your day.

Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Christmas Day Pictures

href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1880/1864/1600/IMG_3371.jpg">

Where is our son Paul?

The pace is definitely picking up for us. There is so much to catch up on with the progress Paul is making that I may have to start posting a couple of blogs a day!
Monday we spent a lot of time with Paul because his brothers were leaving for New Hampshire the next day. (Our original plan for attending Jon's wedding on 1/1/06 was for the family to leave on Tuesday and stay in Boston most of the week and have a small vacation together. Jon and I changed our flights to this next weekend so that we would not be away from Paul so long, but the boys kept their flights so they could help with the wedding plans.) There were so many touching moments as we watched the boys interact with Paul on Monday. They encouraged him to keep fighting hard to gain his speech back and to eat as much as he can, so the stomach tube could be removed. Jon seemed to have the most impact on Paul these past 2 weeks. They have always been very, very close. The funny thing is, Paul had been feeling sad before the accident because he felt that he and Jon would not be that close anymore, since Jon would be married and his focus would need to shift to his wife and new life. While Paul understood that the dynamics of the family would have to eventually change, it was difficult to 'let go' of his older brother. The accident has caused their love for each other to be deepened and that is another one of those blessings we are reaping from this all. For the last 20 minutes before the boys left for the evening, Jon was leaning towards Paul, while holding his hands and Paul was watching Jon's face intently. He was totally focused on Jon's words. He answered Jon's statements with a softly spoken "okay" "yes" or "no", and when Jon told him he loved him very much, Paul said "I love you too". That poignant moment will be etched in my mind forever. I had to thank God in that moment for the love that our family has been able to share with each other, for these 6 weeks after we were told that Paul would probably not live. This whole occurrence has truly shown the power of love and prayer.

Paul is trying to talk more than we had seen before and he actually is able to verbalize a number of words. His voice is low, as he still has to learn to project it. But he is on his way. And that was proven on Tuesday night. I came into the cafeteria area and Paul was eating his dinner really well. I mentioned that he might want to start thinking about his speech he needs to do for Jon's wedding. I was thinking that while Paul may not be there in person, he can work on this project and in time, give it to Jon and Marie. After I mentioned it casually to Paul, he looked right at me and said "That's a good idea." I smiled so big and told Paul it would be good for him to try. He responded "I'll try". He then went on to finish his dinner and had very little trouble swallowing like he had in the previous days. I had to wonder if the 'heart to heart' talk Jon had with his brother didn't settle in somewhere in Paul's mind. I had not seen so much progress from Paul in a 24 hour period. And the surprises continued. Kelly, my sister in law, called and I thought it might help Paul speak some more, since he seems to make more attempts to talk if he is on a cell phone. I heard him saying yes or no to things she was saying, but then I heard him say "fantastic" and his voice and tone were exactly like he used to speak. I was shocked and so happy, that I just stood there beaming! I also heard him say "hey man" and "I love you". Then after a bit, he hung up. I sat down next to him, and saw a tear under his left eye. I bent forward to see if he was crying, and his right eye was also welled up with tears. I asked him if he was sad and he said yes. I told him that Aunt Kelly and Uncle Keith loved him very much and missed him, and that they were going to bring his dog back down to him when he got home. I asked if he would really like that and he shook his head yes. (Long story made short - Paul's dog Abby,was moved up to my brother's house after Paul went off to school. She was literally pining away for Paul. Jon and I were almost always away from the house and it was very upsetting to see her so sad. Plus her health seemed to be deteriorating. My brother has 2 young children, and their 2 dogs had recently passed away, so they took Abby to Chicago to be with them. She has made lots of friends up there - dogs and human! Paul would go to Chicago every couple of months to spend a long weekend with Abby...............and of course his uncle and aunt. They have decided that since Paul will be back in the home, it may be very helpful for Abby to be by Paul's side as he recovers. He said the word 'fantastic' after Uncle Keith told Paul they would bring Abby back to Atlanta.)

Later, we took Paul to his room and he went straight to the restroom and his dad helped him there. We didn't even have to ask Paul if he wanted to use the restroom. Then he came out and went to his sink to brush his teeth. He seemed very focused while doing it and I remembered how his brother Jon had taken a long time with him the night before, showing him how to brush his teeth really well and explaining why it had to be done that way. Paul also did a very good job brushing his teeth last night. I just have to believe that he is remembering what his brother told him about working hard so he can come home to live. (And just maybe, he is picturing his dog laying next to him on his bed at home.)

I spoke to the case manager today and she said they have pretty much confirmed the expected date of Paul's release from the hospital. It will be 1/11/06. Funny old world isn't it - 11/11 was the accident and 1/11 is his release from the hospital. Only 2 months and we will be bringing Paul home, and he will not be in the vegetative state that they said he would be in. He will begin his new stage at Pathways, which will be the place that will help Paul get back into the community. It will be a long and very hard day, where he will work individually with therapists and counselors and then group settings to help him function in the world again. The training will be geared to help him get back into school and also back to work. We know Paul will want to play the guitar again, so we will also look into getting him guitar lessons, once he is ready for that. He will need speech therapy for the longest period of time. It will probably be about a year for that, with the physical therapy and occupational therapy ending much sooner. The area of Paul's brain that was injured the worst was the frontal lobe, in the area where speech/ language is controlled. But they told us to keep our hopes up, as they expect a very good recovery for Paul. They are very excited with the progress he has made in only a few weeks. We were told that he was reading and saying out loud the headlines from the newspaper today. (That's about all the time we spend each day to get our news too!)

Back to the statement I made earlier about Paul's left eye and the tear that came down his face. I had Bell's Palsy right after the birth of my first son and it was 11 months before I was no longer paralyzed on the left side of my face. My eye did not blink in all that time, nor did it tear when I cried. The first thing to come back was the tearing of my eye and I remembered this after seeing Paul's left eye have a tear in it. He has had tears in his right eye, but this was the first time I had seen both of his eyes have tears in them! Please keep praying for the healing of his paralysis and his vision. God has been so tremendously loving and abundant in answering our prayers so far and I pray He will hear the prayers of his family and friends for restored vision and full facial movement for Paul. And... as always... we will wait for His will to be done.

The other new development for Paul is that he has become a very sociable kind of guy around the Acute Brain Injury Unit! We came to see him and could not find him. We looked in all the main areas and his bedroom. We could not find him. We went to the nurses station and asked "Where is our son, Paul?" They made an announcement for the nurses on the floor to look for Paul. They could tell from our expressions that we were more than worried, so we were reassured that Paul had to be on the floor somewhere. They found him with an elderly woman and her 2 daughters at a computer that is by the rooms in the back of the unit. He was showing her how to play Solitaire on the computer. Her daughters were so glad he was taking time with their mother and they thanked us. We were then told that Paul goes into the rooms of the other patients and gives them a wave or just hangs out. Everyone knows him and Paul will also go into the offices of the personnel who are on duty during the day and will hang out with them, when he is not in therapy. Tonight, his dad walked right past him and did not see him because he was sitting in the nurses station, helping the receptionist on duty. Paul was helping with the scheduling chart for the next day. It is a large magnetic board where each therapy session is listed for each patient. The nurse told us that Paul hangs out there during the day also. He has tried to leave the main exit doors once, but the alarms went off and he has not tried to do it again! The elderly woman told me that she thinks Paul is wonderful, because he seems to know when she is sad and he always makes her feel better. Another woman told us that she has seen Paul help push the wheelchairs of those who have more difficulty propelling themselves down to the cafeteria room.

So, the answer to the title of this blog is...................right where God wants him.

God bless all of you on YOUR PATHWAY to heaven. He has made our new pathway a lot easier than I ever could have imagined. Praise be God, in His angels and His saints.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

More pictures to follow after we can download them from my camera. We have did not have internet connection until this morning!

We Wish You a Merry Christmas.......

Yes, 'we' as in the entire Fidero Family!! I am still stunned by the overwhelming love of God in this miraculous season of the birth of Jesus. I had pictured the family together at Shepherd Center, bringing Paul's gifts to him and having our Christmas meal with him. I knew it was going to feel strange to be in that setting, but realized it didn't matter where we were, we would so thankfully be together.

So, let me go back to Thursday, late afternoon. I was driving down to the hospital, and I received a call from the case manager who was on duty for our regular case manager. She said the team that is coordinating Paul's recovery process all agreed that it might be in Paul's best interest to actually be home for Christmas day. We were given permission to bring him home, if the family could be at the hospital at 8 a.m. Friday morning to receive instructions for the transfer and care of Paul at home for a day. I had tears in my eyes as I listened to all of this and had to try hard to stop, as there was no place to pull over. We didn't need another accident to add to all this! Needless to say, we were there before 8 a.m. and looked forward to being with Paul during the day.

Paul was a real trooper that day. Since we all had to learn the function of transfering Paul from his wheel chair into the car, Paul had to repeat all these actions 4 times. He did not really understand why he was doing things 4 times each, but he did it. We went through all his therapies with him. When he was back in bed later that day, he fell right asleep. We went home that evening so excited! We spent Saturday getting food, setting the house up for the wheelchair to have easy access to each toom and planning out Christmas day. Jon and the boys went down to the hospital Saturday evening to be with Paul and talk to him about the next day. I reluctantly stayed home, as I had done something that caused my neck to hurt and needed to lay down so that we could all attend midnight Mass. Jon called me from the hospital and said that Paul seemed very 'depressed' and would not look at them and just kept his head rested in his hands as he sat in his wheelchair. We had previously discussed with the boys that the visit home could possibly not be a good one, it all depended on Paul's mental state of mind. So this news brought to light the fact that Christmas day might not go as planned. As I waited for them to come back home, I prayed that we would have a safe trip to and from the hospital and that Paul would benefit from the visit according to God's will.

Midnight Mass was beautiful, but Jon (dad) struggled as he could not help but remember how he had left Paul earlier. It is hard for him to watch Paul struggling and having to leave Paul alone at the end of each day. He misses Paul so much especially at night when there is no one to play guitars with him. After Mass, so many friends helped lift our spirits, as so many people have each day since 11/11. When we got home, it was hard to go to sleep due to our anticipation of the next day. How Mary and Joseph must have felt, as they awaited the birth of Jesus!

I woke up very early, after only about 4 hours of sleep. I came downstairs and found that Jon was already awake, had coffee brewing and he was doing some final picking up around the house. We then sat quietly and talked about how blessed we were to have such loving sons and that God allowed Paul to be with us at home on this most glorious day. My brother (Keith) called and we talked about how joyful a day this was and he put us on the speaker phone and his family, my brother Jim (he was at Keith's house) and Jon and I prayed together. The gospel reading for Christmas Day's Mass at dawn is Luke 2:15-20. It meant so much to me, especially the verse, "And Mary kept all these things, relfecting on them in her heart." So many times in these last 6 weeks, I have reflected on the mysteries of God's ways and the wonders of His hand. Why God has chosen to not only spare Paul's life, but to allow so much recovery so quickly is a wonderment for us. I thought about how God chose to bring his Son into the world in so obsure a place as a manger in a stable. Jesus, our King and Savior, hidden in poverty and not the splendor and royal announcements that our world would have thought was appropriate. Reflecting on this, I have seen that as hidden as God's ways must seem to us, if we seek, we will actually see the granduer of God's ways and the great abundance of His love. Life itself is the gift. Our next breath is in God's hands and we have no control over it. We have been learning so much through this all. Learning to live in the very moment is the most beautiful lesson of all. It is where God dwells. Seek to do His will in every moment and He will answer you. Trust this truth.

Christmas Day was another of our most blessed days of this past year. We didn't even take time for showers as we raced out to go get Paul. He was in his wheelchair at he front desk, and we asked if he was ready to go home. He pointed to the doors and nodded yes. He started to walk to the doors, but we had to get his coat and hat on. There was a delay in getting all the instructions about his meds, so Paul and his brothers went out and sat by the elevators. Finally we left. I could not quit smiling as I watched Paul roll out of the elevator and head for the doors outside. His brothers were surrounding him and they were talking to him like they always had before. They got him into the van, and they waited patiently as I took pictures at every moment I could. Paul kept giving me a thumbs up when I asked him to look my way. On the ride home, he slipped his shoes and socks off, crossed his leg as he always does and was totally relaxed. I wondered if he knew where he was, and got my answer when he started to unbuckle as we turned onto the street right before we get to our house. Jon had to hold the buckle to keep Paul from undoing it. We had called Beverly and Joe (sister and brother in law) to see if they could be at the house as we arrived to get it filmed. My present from Jon and the boys did not arrive in time.........a digital movie camera. We had been told to keep the visit low key, so we had not planned on anyone being there when we arrived. But God's hand was in this and the reason for my camera not being delivered on time was that the Rickels could also share in the most joyous arrival home for our family. My mother was able to be present for all this too and it made me so happy since she had not been able to see Paul since last July. She is not able to get around very well, and this made it easy for her to see him. (Thank you God for interceding in the delivery of the camera!!)

I cannot describe the amount of joy in that moment of pulling into the driveway and seeing the Rickels family and my mom waiting for us and the realization I had all 4 sons in the car with Jon and me. "As we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Saviour Jesus Christ" took on new meaning. As we have waited in hopefulness these last weeks of the year for Paul to recover, we should be longing for Jesus and waiting in that same joyful hope for Him as we welcome Him in our hearts.

We got out and his brothers stood at Paul's door while we were trying to get the wheelchair set back up. Paul didn't want to wait and kept trying to get out of the car. My oldest son Jon said "let him try to walk in" and so he and James and Jon (dad) all got around Paul, took his hands and led him towards the walkway into the front door. He walked wihout any hesitation. They brought Paul into the front hallway and were going to wait for the wheelchair to be brought in for him to sit down. He motioned to the couch in the music room, so they took him in there and helped him sit down. I sat next to him and asked him "do you know where you are?" and he gave me a 2 thumbs up signal! We all laughed with joy and also a bit of relief! We got him settled in and comfortable, and then everyone gathered in this room to say prayers of thanksgiving for this beautiful day that God had allowed. This is the room where we pray as a family, and I could hardly believe this wonderful gift from God. So much family surrounding me, including my nephew Joseph, who is in the Army and was able to be home with Joe and Bev this Christmas. Unfortunately, they have one daughter (Anna) who could not be home this Christmas due to work obligations. But Anna - you are always in our hearts and prayers no matter where you are! One of my treasures in life is the memories I have of all the times we have sat in that room and prayed about many things with family and friends. Add one more time to that list!

The boys wanted to open presents immediately, as they were so excited for Paul to open the gifts DTSi and Lisa and Brendan Hanrahan (dear friends) had given him. Paul received an Ipod Nano and speakers for the Ipod, and an external hard drive that had hundreds of songs loaded for transfer to Paul's Ipod. Paul knew how to work the Ipod and his brothers quickly worked to get some songs loaded for him. He didn't take much interest in any of the other gifts we had for him, except some Mrs. Fields cookies!
He watched everyone else open their gifts, and during this time, took the camera I had and took a few pictures of Jon (brother). He then sat and looked back at all the pictures we had taken so far. After this, we brought a large lounge chair from Michael's room downstairs and we got him into that chair to rest and get a nap. He didn't really sleep like we thought he would. He dozed off for just a short time and that was it. He did not eat very well at all. Just a couple of cookies, and a few bites of dinner. I think his not eating was due to the overwhelming day he was having. That is the only concern we had about him. I think there was too much stimuli for him to concentrate on eating. He did drink some milk and water.

The huge event for him was the issue of the restroom. We don't have one on the main floor, and he would need to use steps to get to ours. He let his brothers know he needed to use it, so they helped him get up the stairs. He showed no hesitancy in walking up the steps. He was being balanced by his brothers on both sides and his dad was walking up behind them for any needed support, but Paul climbed the steps and was not out of breath. There are 12 steps! I was sick to my stomach as I watched!!! I wanted them to use what the hospital had given us, but they felt Paul would do fine and they were right. He took a little longer to get down the steps, as he can only use one eye and his depth perception is affected. this was another thing that I could not have imagined at all. Paul climbing 12 steps in 6 weeks - this was huge!

At the end of the day, Jon and Jon (brother and father) played their guitars while Paul watched. Paul had been given a guitar earlier in the day by his dad and he played a couple of correct chords, which thrilled his dad! But he just listened to his brother and dad play at the end of the day. He was tired and was very content to just listen. He motioned to them that he recognized the songs they were playing, which were the ones they had all played in the concert they did the year before at Thanksgiving for family and friends.

Michael kept a watch on the clock for the time to leave and gave us the 15 minutes warning time for departure. We started to get Paul ready to go, and he motioned he didn't want to leave. We explained that he needed to keep working on getting better in his speech and walking and that Shepherd Center will do that for him. As we explained, we got his shoes and socks back on. (He had taken them off while sitting on the couch earlier, after seeing his brother Jon's bare feet. I had come in and sat next to Paul and he took one of his blankets off and laid it over me. So I took my slippers off and put my bare feet up on the chair that Paul and Jon were using to prop up their feet. I had my camera in my pocket and recognized this as a fun 'Kodak moment'...smile!!) He let us get his coat and hat back on. We drove him back to Shepherd Center, and got him settled in. He used his new battery operated toothbrush and let Jon (brother) help him get cleaned up. I thought he would fall asleep quickly because we had to help him lift his feet up off the floor as he got into bed, but he stayed wide awake. So we blessed him and said a prayer and then turned on the sports channel for him to fall asleep to.............works everytime.

As we celebrate the second day of Christmas, I am reminded about the Wise Men who came seeking Jesus. It truly is wise men who seek Jesus and the rewards are heavenly. Praise be to God for life and love and hope - they all bring joy.
I received a candle for Christmas from a good friend of mine (Kathy Finnerty) and it has this saying on the side:
"Hope speeds our prayers to God and awaits patiently God's answer"
This truth will 'burn' in my heart forever.

Merry Christmas to everyone and God's blessings to you in all things.
Love,
The Entire Fidero Family

(pictures to follow later today!)

I received this email from Paul's Uncle Jim and thought it was so clever it should be shared!!!



I looked up the international symbol for "Pfiddy" in the Worldwide Signals & Symbols Registry and found this:


Jingle Bells!

pfiddy said.................

Paul seems to be 'flying just under the radar'! Again, we were reminded in our visit with Paul last night that he has some really tough times ahead of him in his recovery, but we were graced by God with some things that left us encouraged that he should have a good recovery.

We were in the family visiting room with Paul, and there is a computer table in there with a computer. We got Paul to come over to the table and Mike opened this blogspot for Paul. Mike opened the comment section so Paul could read them and Paul then took over the mouse and started to immediately click away. He knew exactly how to navigate through and ENTERED HIS OWN COMMENT. If you look at the last comment on yesterday's post, he typed 'pfiddy' and then went on to enter his comment. If anyone knows Portuguese, please let us know what his message says...............smile.
As you can see, there are still glitches in Paul's 'computer'. In his head he is saying something that makes sense, but he can't translate it well. ( He has physically written words clearly, but he is not able to write full sentences that have any meaning. And the spelling becomes more jumbled as he writes.) But, the fact that he was able to do all the navigating of the computer by himself is the great part. His computer at home has a password on it and so I asked Mike to open that logon site. He did and then Mike asked Paul to enter the password. Paul did it so fast that Mike could not write it down. It is all numbers and Paul had no problem remembering it! Then Mike asked him to open his email site and Paul motioned for Mike to type in the address, but Paul typed in that password as well. Paul did not open any of the emails, he just clicked a number of them that were ads and then deleted them! We sat in stunned silence as he navigated around for a little bit. Mike opened the site for Paul's band and Paul listened to the song that is on it. Then Paul sat back and motioned that he wanted to go back to his room. He was really tired, and he fell asleep within 20 minutes of being laid in bed.

When we first got to the hospital, I asked the guys to get around Paul so I could get a picture of them all together, the first one since the accident! When Paul looked up to see that I was taking a picture, he gave the 'thumbs up' sign, as you can see above. We all laughed so hard. I found such comfort in that 'almost' normal moment for our family, and pray for so many more wonderful times together. His brothers were writing down different questions for Paul to answer, and one of them was what kind of car Paul owned. He had no recollection of his car. We had been told that he will, in all probability, not have any memory of the accident, and quite possibly some of the months leading into his accident. He doesn't remember going to Florida for his 21st birthday, where he celebrated with his brothers and his girlfriend. That was in mid October. He doesn't remember his car, which he had for only a couple of months. When I asked him if he was at home or in a hospital, he said he was at home.(The confusion is probably because his laundry is still being done for him, he isn't having to pick his clothes up off the floor and meals are on the table consistently...........smile.) He still does not remember that it is the Christmas season. When I asked him if he knew he had been in a car accident, which is something he is asked everyday, he wrote "no, why??" There are so many gaps, but these should start to fill in as his brain recovers. Yes indeed, the road ahead is a fairly long one, but so many others have walked this pathway ahead of us. They have shared their stories with us on this site and in person and we are drawing our strength from their journeys in faith and most especially your continued prayers.

I was told by the physical therapist that they are still working on finding the right combination of medicines to help Paul's brain slow down, but not cause him to be so fidgety. He will lay his head down on the table, but his foot will continue tapping away. She said he is doing fine with his walking. There is a lot of stiffness in his left arm. There will need to be even more therapy for his left side to help build flexibility and strength. He did use his left hand more last night than I have seen in the past few days. I know there are working to get him to lift his left arm up over his head and reach for things. He has a very difficult time with that.

He did not try to talk last night more than a few words that he mouthed. So, we wait. There are so many areas that need to be healed, his brain is in overload as it is receiving signals from throughout the body and is trying to heal itself at the same time. It reminds me of the slowness of the internet on dial-up. You could hear the internal workings of the computer clicking away like mad, but nothing was showing up on the monitor. And now that I think about it, Paul's face doesn't really show much emotion. I have not seen him smile more than once or twice, and that is only when he is asked to smile. He watches everything very intently, but does not respond to any type of humor. He will give a 'thumbs up' if his brothers tease him, to show he understands what they are doing, but he doesn't smile. It will be music to my ears to hear him laugh again!

Before we left, we circled his bed and prayed. He made the sign of the cross, but didn't attempt to try to say any of the prayers (the Our Father, Hail Mary or Glory Be). He was just so tired and he could barely keep awake as we said goodbye.

I was saying my morning prayers and was reading a prayer of St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina. It starts with:

Stay with me, Lord, for it s necessary to have You present so that I do not forget You. You know how easily I abandon You.
Stay with me, Lord, because I am weak and I need Your strength, that I may not fall so often.
Stay with me, Lord, for You are my life, and without You, I am without meaning and hope.
Stay with me, Lord, for You are my light, and without You, I am in darkness.
Stay with me, Lord, to show me Your will.
Stay with me, Lord, so that I can hear Your voice and follow You.
Stay with me, Lord, for I desire to love You ever more, and to be always in Your company.
Stay with me, Lord, if you wish me to be always faithful to You.
Stay with me, Lord, for as poor as my soul is, I wish it to be a place of consolation for You, a dwelling of Your love.

This has so much more meaning for me now. I know how weak I am, and would easily fall into despair as I watch Paul and see how much more recovery is needed. I could easily fall into despair by dwelling on thoughts that maybe there won't be any more recovery than what we have. I easily worry about things that can still go wrong and as I start my spiral downward, I literally have to call out to Jesus to help me overcome my doubt and weakness. Despair and hopelessness are tools of Satan, and I am an easy target for him. Without the constant prayers being offered up for our family, I would have crumbled at the beginning of this ordeal. Thank you for your prayers that lift me when I am too saddened or weak to remember to pray, when I so easily abandon our Lord. I keep you all in my prayers so that we remain brothers and sisters in Christ. What a comfort it is knowing that we have the power of prayer as our tool to fight back. I also remember to say the prayer to St. Michael each day, 'to defend us in battle and be our defense.... against Satan, and the other evil spirits, who prowl about the world, seeking the ruins of souls'. What comfort, what joy, what happiness there is, knowing that we have been given not only each other,but all the holy men and women who have gone before us and the angels and saints, as prayerful companions from God to aid us in our journey home. One more time I will say out loud "yes, I can do this".

To finish the prayer from above:
Stay with us, Lord, because in the darkness of this life, with all its dangers, we need you.

God's love and protection to you,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Music 101

Last night, Jon used a dry erase board to see if Paul remembered any of his music theory. He drew a treble clef on a staff and then drew notes on the staff. He then did multiple choice type questions to see if Paul knew his notes. Paul gave him a look like 'are you kidding me?' because it was so easy, so Jon drew in chords to see if Paul could name the chords. He was able to name only a few, and did not know the more technical ones at all. We also gave him some math questions, he knew the difference between adding and multiplying, but when adding 220 and 415 he answered 615. I gave him a sequencing problem and he did that correctly. I tried to see if he would be able to figure out a pattern type problem, and drew a set of patterns, then asked which would come next. He did not get it right the first time, but did when he looked at it again. He circled that Ronald Reagan was the president, but when asked who he voted for in 2004, he circled the correct answer. We will not state his answer publically to avoid a political debate.......smile. You can add that to your prayer request that he will always have the cognitvie ability to vote for the best person for the job!

He did not eat his dinner very well. His problem is completing the full task. He can feed himself quite well, and will continue to put food in his mouth until it is full. He chews just fine, but he has not mastered being able to swallow his food once it is chewed. He needs to be reminded with each mouthful. He chewed the last bite of food on and off for over an hour last night. He tends to 'pocket' the food into his cheeks and then has to work hard to get it back out. This is not an unheard of problem, and will need extra therapy to help him finish the task. He drinks well and can swallow liquids very well, can use a straw well as long as he doesn't have any food in his mouth. His facial muscles are still weak. I am not sure if it is because he had a very large neck brace on for so long or if it is all a neurological issue. Time will be his answer for mastering deficiencies.

The cast on his left foot was removed and he has weakness in that leg now. He stands with assistance and seemed a bit wobbly last night. It could also be due to the fact that by day's end he is really tired. Physical therapy will serve that weakness well, as we have seen by his quick ability to walk by holding 2 people's hands.

We are waiting to get the appointment for the opthamologist. We need to make sure the health of his cornea is protected, whether he will see or not in the future. It is something that I have the most concern about at this time. He can't open his lid and his eye needs to have constant monitoring for enough moisture. They also have an antibiotic they put in to keep it from becoming infected. Keep lifting Paul's sight up in your prayers. We are so thankful you are all keeping this prayer vigil for Paul. We know it has been a long path so far and remain so hopeful about the future walk Paul has. Your prayers will sustain him in all things.

We finally got to decorate the Christmas tree Michael went out and purchased on his own a couple weeks ago. It reminded me of the actual thing I was doing when Michael called me to say they had had an accident and Paul was seriously injured. I was at Hobby Lobby trying to find an ornament for Paul. I was getting an ornament for each son to remind them of something significant in this past year. I found a large fish for James to remind him of his catching a baby shark in Florida while surf fishing. I got a cell phone ornament for Michael since he had started his own landscape company with logo golf shirts and hats and his own business cell phone. I got an angel for Jon because he had asked an 'angel' to marry him and she said yes (yahoo)!
I could not find a guitar for Paul and was on the lookout for one since October. I had to leave Hobby Lobby quickly and still had not found an ornament for Paul. I had remembered this not too long ago and even commented sadly that I didn't have something special to put on the tree for him. Of course, God had taken care of this tiny, tiny issue. This past week, Jim, who is my oldest brother, mailed a beautiful monarch butterfly ornament to me. He had remembered how I had said I saw so many monarch butterflies right after my father died and how I had taken it as a sign from God that He had my father in His care. I drew such comfort from those few months where I literally saw so many monarch butterflies and where one had even landed on my shoulder. (This occured I was sitting out on the deck at at my parents house, telling my younger sister that butterflies seemed to be all around me right after dad died. Then the butterfly came to rest on my shoulder!! She looked at me with wide eyes and we both cried with joy as we knew God most definitively was confirming the connection I had made about the butterflies and my dad.) So when I received the butterfly ornament, I was filled once again with joy, because that is exactly the ornament that should represent Paul's year. He will be made new in the eyes of God and his family! I also remembered that I had put a silk monarch butterfly in Paul's room and had attached it to the picture of the Blessed Mother holding Jon Paul II in her arms as he prayed. So, this truly is the perfect ornament for my son Paul. Thanks so much Uncle Jim (UJ to the boys).

Peace in Jesus Christ,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Can you hear me now?

I started back to work yesterday and I have to admit, I was apprehensive about how well I would be able to handle it. One of the reasons was I remembered about the screen saver on my monitor at work and I started to cry. A couple of weeks prior to the accident, I thought I had lost the screen saver that my oldest son Jon had drawn for me as a surprise. He had come to see me at work and I wasn't there, so he left a message for me - "Peace in Christ Mom, I miss you, Love Jon" - and it was there for me when I got back. It had been my screen saver for the last 2 years. It was not there one day when I came in and turned on my computer and so I called Paul to help me locate it and restore it. I always called Paul when I had computer problems and he never failed to solve the problem. We were able to find it and as we were about ready to restore it, he said "Wait, give me a minute." After about a minute of waiting, he led me through a few more steps and there on my screen was a new screen saver he had drawn and he said "It is my turn to have a message for you." The picture he drew was of the sun with blue sky and a few soft clouds, and along the bottom, green grass and 3 flowers - and to the right side it said "I love you, Paul."
The rememberance of this and the pictures I have all around my desk left me wondering if I would be of any use at work. But my fears were quickly replaced with happiness as everyone came over to greet me and hug me. It was so wonderful to see my dear friends and be surrounded by people I know so well. I didn't realize just how much I had missed everyone. For 5 weeks, I was mostly among strangers in the hospitals or the quick trips into grocery stores on my way home. And one more time, it was my friends at GuideOne Insurance who helped me get through!! God has blessed me with a terrific place to work and has helped me see even more clearly that I am among some of the most faith filled and generous people around.

Paul was wide awake last night and he did a most curious thing. He does not really attempt to talk to us. Every once in awhile he moves his lips ever so slightly, but you can't really make out any words he might be saying. His brother James handed him a cell phone and showed him how to take pictures with it. Paul tried to take a picture, then he called Jon's cell phone. Jon was sitting on the bed, right in front of him. Jon answered his phone and Paul actually was trying to talk and was doing it better than we had seen before. Jon asked him a few questions, and he could hear Paul's answer very faintly and could also read his lips to be more sure of what he was saying. They had a short conversation like this and then they hung up. Paul didn't attempt to talk again. I was wondering if his hearing was maybe affected, but then remembered he follows commands of the therapists just fine. So I don't believe that is the reason he doesn't try to talk. He will nod his head yes or no - but doesn't ever try to really speak. Of course, this might be the answer to our question -What should we get Paul for Christmas? Looks like a set of walkie talkies will about do it!

We are waiting to hear about when Paul will see the opthamologist. While he is still paralyzed on the left side of his face, his left eye is showing movement. You can see it moving under his lid (which is still not open) when he is sleeping. It had not been moving when the doctor at Gwinnet Medical last checked it. So that is a small step forward. We don't mind how small the step is- we just watch the direction Paul heads in! Forward is always good!

Keep your sights on Jesus as you walk through your day and rejoice in all the Glory of God around you.
We wish you the peace of Jesus today,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Perfect Answer

Monday 12/19 - 6:30 a.m.
We had a very big day with Paul on Saturday. All his brothers came to visit him, as Jon and James were home from college. It actually overwhelmed Paul and he did not do well with eating his lunch. He is still doing a very poor job of eating, and takes only a few bites of his food. He doesn't swallow each mouthful, and tends to 'pocket' it in his cheeks. We have to keep reminding him to chew and swallow each biteful that he takes. Dinner didn't go much better on Saturday or Sunday. I was told that he drank all his milk Saturday at breakfast, but that was all. When I came to the hospital Sunday, he was at lunch and had poured BBQ sauce inteded for his meat on his vegetable. While I am not sure how good it tasted, Paul did eat a couple of bites. On Sunday, there was a bag of potato chips and he ate those with a lot of enthusiasm. It appears Paul still has a fondness for junk food.

Paul's brothers sat at a table with Paul and played Texas Hold Em, like they used to. Paul seemed to remember some of the basics, and he did 'fold' with a hand that wasn't a good one. He later became very sad, laid his head down on the table and had tears running down his cheeks. We asked him what was the matter and he used his hands to count by 10 and showed us '21'. Since he is not talking yet, we tried to make sense of what he was saying. His brother Jon thought it might be that Paul is sad that he is 21 and is frustrated by the fact that he can't do anything. He was easily frustrated Saturday and I think it is because he saw his brothers all standing around and he, on some level, realized something isn't right with him. We tried to explain to him that he has come a long way, telling him what condition he had been in and all the things he can now do. We realize that the emotions he will start to display will be very natural and that he won't remember each day what happened in the previous day. But it is sad to watch him as he struggles to make sense of all this and with the mental and physical limitations he is experiencing.

We all took him out of the unit and walked down to an atrium area where it was very sunny. He doesn't like to sit still in his wheelchair, so we stopped there only briefly, and he was off down the hallway again. He did a lot of walking in his wheelchair and was very tired in the afternoon. He took a nap and his brother Jon and I stayed with him to see if we could get him to eat more at dinner. He didn't do well with it. He later became very agitated and was very restless. We thought it might do him some good to see Geneva, his girlfriend. We called Geneva and she talked to him on the cell phone and he seemed to cheer up. We told him Geneva was coming and his brother told him that he needed to freshen up before she came. Jon helped him get cleaned up by changing his shirt, brushing his teeth and washed his hands. Paul seemed to understand why Jon was doing all this. We then walked him out of the unit to sit by the elevator to wait. Unfortunately, there is a better chance of winning the lottery than being able to get anywhere in Atlanta and not have a traffic jam. Geneva got caught in bad traffic and was delayed in her arrival. Paul got too tired and we had to get him back to bed. He was still awake when she came, and the visit went well. Geneva had made some snowflakes for her dorm room and brought them for Paul's room to help him know what time of year it is. Jon hung them from the ceiling and in the window. We wanted to put up Christmas lights, but were not allowed to because of fire safety. We have a small tree decorated with ornaments on his table.

Paul spent most of Sunday looking for a place to put his head down. They checked his temperature to see if maybe he was ill. He laid his head down on the table at his meal times. When we took a walk with him, he would be on the lookout for a place to lay his head down. We ended up in his room with the bed elevated and his head on a pillow. The nurse got him back in bed and he did not sleep. So it didn't appear that he was tired. He may have been very dizzy. It is hard to know anything because he doesn't speak. His hand gestures are tough to understand, so this causes him more frustration. To sum it up, the weekend left him frustrated and us feeling extremely helpless. One thing that was good was when we all stood around him and prayed, he did remember how to do the sign of the cross and joined us in that - oh the little joys!

That reminds me of something that I had not mentioned before!!! On Satureday, 12/10, Paul's dad took a pad of paper and pen to try to communicate with Paul. Paul took the pen and paper and wrote something that Jon thought might have said St. Paul. When he told me, I thought that was a bit strange that he would just write that without any reason. I asked Jon what he had asked Paul, and he said he had just handed the the notepad and pen to Paul to see if he could write. The next day I gave the pad and pen to Paul and he immediately wrote St. Paul. It was written very clearly. He gave me the pen and paper back and just looked at me. I told him God loved him very much and that St. Paul was praying for him. He just kept looking at me and had tears in his eyes. We had not talked about anything that would make him write something like this. Paul also had no idea that we had had a relic of St. Paul in his room at Gwinnett Medical Center. Fr. Paddy had lent it to us to keep in the room, along with other sacramentals. I had started to pray to St. Paul about 2 weeks before the accident, asking him to pray with me for Paul because of my concerns about him getting more involved in the music industry. The band that Paul was in had a CD recording that they were putting the finishing touches on, and were going to be showcasing for record labels. I was very worried about Paul's future in this industry for obvious reasons. I was hopeful that his depth of faith and beliefs were strong enough to avoid the temptations that are associated with the music industry. So I decided to pray to St. Paul and Blessed Mother Mary for their intercessory prayers for Paul, since I had no control over the situation. I knew that my prayers and those of others would help Paul do God's will in his life. My thinking was that St. Paul had his own struggles in life and an incredible conversion story and since our son was named after him, I would place Paul in the hands of this saint. I also entrusted his soul to the Mother of Jesus as she would protect him as he went out into the world and out of our sights. From one mother's hands to another! So I was filled with joy when, out of the blue, some of Paul's first written words were St. Paul. It was a confirmation to me that God had heard the prayers for Paul's protection and that God is guiding Paul on the pathway He intends. I have not questioned why God stopped Paul in his tracks, but have compared it to the way God stopped St. Paul the Apostle in his tracks. We are waiting in joyful hope for what God has in store for our son and keep praying that Paul will answer yes.

The gospel on Sunday was Luke1:26-38. "The angel Gabriel comes to Mary and says 'Hail, full of grace! The Lord is with you.' She was greatly troubled at what was said and pondered what sort of greeting this might be. Then the angel said to her, '"Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Behold you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.'

I can only imagine her fear hearing and questions she must have had as she heard these words. And then her response is magnificient - "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word." We have been asked by God to respond with nothing less when we encounter the requests He makes in our lives. My first reaction after hearing Michael's words that Paul was seriously hurt was "not my Paul, not my Paul." I was so stricken with grief. Once I got to the accident scene, I was left with nothing other than the words in my head of "God, he was yours first and he will always be your child. If you take him home, please give me strength." I look back and see that He answers our prayers when we surrender to His will. And because of Mary's yes, we have Jesus. Thank you Mary for your yes.

We pray that all of you be given the love of God and strength to say yes to God's will in your lives, wherever it may take you. Just as Mary gave the perfect answer.

Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Paul forgets to say No Thanks.............

Our visit with Paul last night was a good one. He was asleep when we walked in, but the nurse walked in to check on him and that woke him up. While we don't wake Paul when he is sleeping, we were glad that he was woken up as we got there. It made the very long and slow ride down the interstate well worth it. We told him that his brothers were coming home today from college, and they would be visiting him. While he understood what we were saying, we knew he would not remember it. Basically, he doesn't remember much from anything earlier in the day or the day before. He lives in the now. Well, he is right on track with the rest of his family. We have learned to deal with what is at hand. We only make general plans about his recovery, then sit back and wait to see what really happens. He keeps surprising people with what he can do.

Yesterday he did another thing that surprised us. He was walking with the use of a walker. The therapists were standing on either side of him and were holding the strap around his chest. They were helping him stand with his head up and chest out to keep him standing straight as he walked. He got to the end of the hallway, and he made his turn around. The walker seemed to be in his way, so he stopped, pushed the walker to the side and held out his hands to hold the therapists, then walked that way back to his chair down the hallway. He found the walker to be too cumbersome, so he got rid of it. He walked very well. Also, he has a cast on his left foot that is pretty heavy, but that has not deterred his efforts at walking. I was crying as I walked behind him, remembering the condition he was brought into this hospital one week before.
As we all look back to 5 weeks ago today, I know everyone can see the immensity of the loving response of God to all the prayers lifted up to heaven. I can hardly wait to write about Paul's responses once he learns how many people answered a call for help and prayers. All your words will be the gift that keeps on giving. I was telling James (Paul's brother) today how I love being part of this faith community. We are all one in the Spirit, one in the Lord. What a wonderful gift this family has received in this Advent season - we have been the recipients of what Jesus reminded us was the greatest commandment, which is "Love one another as I have loved you."
One thing I will never be able to put into words is how grateful we are for all of you. We will try to do it with our most ardent prayers for the same love and protection to surround you.

Today, we visited Paul quickly before his lunch hour and one of his friends had also come by. Then we left for awhile and came back to check on him. He was very upset about something, because when we walked in, he was 'pacing' around the room. He was in his wheelchair, 'walking' in a more determined way than he has before. The therapist showed us his tray and he had dumped the fruit cup all over his tray. She was not sure what upset him, but his actions confirmed he was not a happy camper. I walked over to Paul, and told him I had set his lunch tray at a table by the window, to coax him back. He walked with me to that table. Jim showed Paul a jacket that Paul had really liked wearing, but he didn't seem to remember. He was very much out of sorts and his friend tried to get him to write down what he was trying to say. He was writing too fast for us to actually recognize the words. He definitely was in a state of agitation, so I told Paul we would let him finish his lunch quietly and asked him to try to slow down and take it easy. The therapist came over and we slipped away. We sat in Paul's room for a little bit and when we left, we looked back into the cafeteria to see if Paul had calmed down and it appeared he had.

This is one of the reasons why they don't want visitors at the hospital during the day. It causes Paul to become overly stimulated, and then he can't handle all the emotions and he will show signs of his agitation. One on one, Paul does very well. We have learned that only one person can talk at a time, and we are not to carry on conversations 'over' Paul. Also, we talk in a more calm and slower speech so that he will comprehend it better. If you know our family, you know we all talk too fast and can be too loud when we are all together. His brothers will learn more about how to work with Paul during the Christmas season, so their help will benefit Paul most effectively.

Another reason for no visits during his day is because he has scheduled blocks of time. The therapists don't want to lose any of their time frame having to calm Paul down or compete for his attention. When we first stopped by today, it was supposed to be Paul's rest time, but his physical therapist had to use this time to cut off the first cast on his left leg, and put on the secondary cast. That is another reason he may have been upset. He didn't get to sleep as long as he needed before he was started on the second half of his day.

The cast will be removed Monday or Tuesday. The tendon on his left leg should be stretched out enough for Paul to walk better. He will be walking everyday as part of his therapy, since he is doing so well. Next week, his brothers will be allowed to spend a half day with him to view everything that the therapists are doing. They only get to sit quietly and observe, and not interact. Shepherd Center feels that the family unit is one of the most important elements to Paul's recovery. We of course agree, knowing how close Paul and his brothers are.

The trach tube should be out tonight by the time we visit him. Our hope is that he will be more inclined to talk once he has nothing in his throat. If it is purely neurological in nature, then it will take time for that portion of his brain to heal and speech will be delayed. To what extent remains to be seen. And we will wait, with joy in our hearts and trust in God.

As I am writing this, I have to share this with you. Now that the boys are home, friends are stopping by and my house is filled with the loudness I mentioned above and laughter. Five weeks ago, the thought crossed my mind about how we would be able to handle the pain of Christmas in our house and the silence we thought would permeate it. I even wasted time thinking (O Me of Little Faith!) about how I could possibly help my husband and sons handle the sorrow,since I was filled with such unbearable sorrow myself. God knew he was working with a very weak woman, and He in His enormous love, did not make me wait for long for so many joyous moments to occur. Paul's waking, his responses, the move to Shepherd Center and his walking - huge events in so short a time span. Our God is an Awesome God. Praise be His name forever and thanks be to God for Jesus who shows us how to carry our cross, and Mary our Mother holding us close to her heart, walking the pathway with us as she did along side her Son. Blessed Mary carried my prayers for a more perfect love for Jesus straight to heaven, where it is being answered in a multitude of ways. She loves us all as dearly as she loves her Son, and as any loving mother wants for her children, to be with Him for all eternity. Please know that she will intercede for you and will make your prayers more perfect before Jesus. While I pray the words, "Jesus I trust in you", I add "Blessed Mother, I trust in your intercession." As God chose Mary to bring His Son into the world, I too choose Mary to lead me more perfectly to her Son.

Remember - When God wants something great done in this world, He sends a baby and then..............He waits. You have all done something great in OUR lives - you have responded in love.

Peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

A Hard Day's Night

Jon and Paul moving railroad ties for their mom's Blessed Mary Rose Garden


When I came across this picture, it reminded me that when we carry our crosses in life, while we may not be cognizant of it, Jesus is always there to help us. We are never alone in our trials or joys. Jesus waits for us to acknowledge His presence in all things.
Is 41:13
I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, "fear not, I will help you." We are told that God's hand is in all things. That truth has been shown to us in so many ways. When I read all the comments that have been posted, it proves that God's hand is mightier than all. The testiments of faith and the words of encouragement and love show that it is God's hand guiding this whole occurence. I sit in wonder at how beautiful the love of God is and how much MORE awesome it really is. My human brain cannot conceive of the enormity of what His love truly is in its fullness. But I have seen your love and what it has done for our family. In the book of Ecclesiastes, 4: 9-10, "Two are better than one; they get a good wage for their labor. If one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up." You have all been a part of lifting Paul and EACH OTHER back up, which makes us all better disciples of the Lord - in a world so desparately in need of God's laborers.

So on to the news of how your prayers have lifted Paul to new heights!

First, we were told that Paul would hopefully have control over his bladder nearer the time he would come home. While this is a very personal topic, I will end it quickly by saying Paul kept tapping me with his foot as I stood at the end of his bed. I thought he was just being fidgety and so I held his foot still, while gently saying "it's okay Paul." Then I noticed he was using his hand to motion to me. So I asked him what was wrong. He started to point to the bathroom door. I asked him "do you want to use the rest room?" He pointed his finger at the door again, so I got a nurse and we took him to the restroom. The fact that his brain was able to make the connections is huge. He had to solve the problem without being able to speak or walk on his own. We were told that Paul was struggling with this task of making all the connections in accomplishing a task. He may see a tooth brush, know what it is used for, be able to pick it up, but not be able to make his hand do the actual brushing. There can be 3-4 different parts of accomplishing tasks and this will be an area he will need help. But he definitely made all the right connections to solve the issue of bathroom use - and about 4 weeks ahead of schedule. Big Smile!

Then, we were waiting for his dinner and my cell phone rang. It was his brother James, so I told Paul who it was. He motioned to give the phone to him, so I did and he placed it at his ear. I leaned close to the phone and told Jim that Paul was listening, to go ahead and say hello. Paul tried to talk to Jim, and while he didn't say actual words, Jim was able to hear his voice. Again when Geneva called, Paul held the phone and tried to talk to her. When James and Geneva said goodbye, Paul handed the phone back to me! He sat very still while he was on the phone, and did not fidget with anything, like he had been doing all day. He was very intent, which was terrific in itself. He had been very restless and was almost constantly moving his hands and legs.

Later, I was trying to get a CD to play in his portable CD player (I sadly admit, I didn't know how to use it) and he motioned for me to give it to him. He immediately turned it on and sat quietly while listening. He took the earphones off and handed them to me. The CD was still playing, so I listened to what song it was, and it was the one he and I both really like. He had wanted me to hear it!

All of this happened in about an hour and 1/2. I left the hospital last night crying as I drove away. I was so joyous in the great blessings that have been bestowed on us and in wonderment that God has been so loving - beyond anything I thought could happen. I am trying to find the quiet time each day to listen more closely to what God's will is in my life, because this continues to be a huge wake up call to me. This has not been a gentle nudge - as I told the family - God has really rattled our cage. WE NEED TO LISTEN TO HIM.

Today, join our family in prayers of thanksgiving for all that has been seen and heard.
"Alleluia, alleluia. Raise your voice and tell the Good News/ Behold, the Lord God comes with power."
His power is for everyone, so we also keep your personal intentions in our hearts and prayers daily.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Paul gets an A for effort!

We met with the doctor today and he reviewed the brain injury Paul suffered along with his other injuries.
He said that they are very happy with the progress Paul has made in the 7 days he has been here. He has reached the first goals set for him, which now means they will put him in the actual rehab program, and no longer will be considered in the prep program. Time is what we will need. The paralysis on his left side of the face is due to the injury to the cranial nerve that controls his facial muscles and his eye and eye lid. They feel that with time, the movement will come back. They will schedule an appointment with an opthamologist when the time comes, to assess his eyesight.
His speech will be slow as he tries to improve the muscles around his mouth. He is also not trying to talk since he is used to not talking The trach tube should be removed by Friday. This will help him get used to breathing through his mouth, which will get him used to speaking again. They are very encouraged by his progress so far, and feel that he has a good prognosis for recovery. While there will be changes in his behaviors, the doctor said it would be more noticeable to his immediate family. There will be subtle changes obviously, due to the extent of the brain injury. But he should be able to get pretty much back to normal.
They have increased his therapy to 3 hour stretches at a time. This was the first day and Paul had been out of bed from 7:30 am until 2:30 pm. At the end of this period, he was still able to stand up and use a walker to walk the length of the hallway and back. It was quite a hike, and the walk back to the wheelchair went a little faster - he really wanted to sit back down. He wasn't too badly out of breath, which surprised me because the injury to his lung may cause him to have less stamina than before. Over a long period of time, the lung will improve. I could not help by cry, watching my Paul walk so far. It is so representative of how far we have come!!! I could almost see the angels and saints who have prayed on his behalf to our Father in heaven smiling down on this wonderful sight. Our complete thanksgiving to everyone of you who have said a prayer on Paul's behalf. He is walking today because of your intercessory prayers. I know this to be true. The staff here is so encouraged by Paul's progress and his effort to do what is being asked of him.
They have taken him off any medication that might cause him to be sedated in any way and have given him meds that will slow down the 'spinning' of his brain to help him form thought processes better.
Also, tonight, they are going to give him a bit more solid food, to see if they can get him to chew and swallow his food. He has shown a total lack of interest in the pureed food - was just too much of a change from his Subway and Wendy's diet. If he can do this well, he will have the stomach feeding tube removed sooner than later.
One tube at a time!!!

He is still confused about why he is here. This is all to be expected and they will continue to help him orient himself. We understand there will be good and bad days, but so far, we have seen so many improvements that everyday has been an olympic day for us!! This has been another gift from God. We have not had to wait for long periods of time for anything. Five weeks later and Paul has been able to stand and walk with the help of a walker. What a great blessing to this family and all of you who are praying!!

His projected date of release is January 12, 2006. He should be pretty much functional physically by then, and will need to have additional therapies for his speech, comprehension and motor skills. But again, we expected this to be a long road and will be thankful for any progress, no matter how little the step. It will be easy knowing that we are not walking this path alone.

Peace, love and a walk in the park to all of you!
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Disoriented Day

Yesterday we met with the Social Security representative to start the process of Paul receiving benefits in case that will be needed at a later date. With brain injury patients, it is a wait and see process, since patients can recover abilities over time. What amazed me was that the representative was so caring and personal about this case and expressed her good wishes for Paul's recovery so he could play his guitar again. In this season of good will towards men, we have been surrounded by so much love from everyone we meet. I believe the lesson here for me is that most people want to be loving and caring, but maybe it is our own behaviors that keep them from responding. I was thinking of how wonderful I had been treated by a representative of the U.S. government, which most people might automatically assume would be an uncaring person since they represent the government, which seems too big an entity to care. I was at a store as I was remembering, and in turn, I spoke with greater friendliness to the cashier. The cashier responded in kind. People want to care and need to be cared about. So simple, and yet, we get so busy and are so tied up in our own 'important' lives, we forget that every person in our pathway has a reason for being there. Yesterday was also the Feast of St. Lucy, the patron saint for eyesight since she was martyred and her eyes were purposely damaged. She was given the miracle of sight before she died. So I prayed at Mass and asked her to pray for Paul's eyesight to be returned, in god's time. Before Mass was over, my prayer actually became that each of us would set our 'sights' more on Jesus, than ourselves. And then the encounter with the Social Security representative and that was my confirmation that God hears our prayers. He provided me with a visual aid as to how we are to always treat others. No matter who they are, if they are in our pathway, find Jesus in them. Respond with His love. I am prayerful now that 'practice will make perfect'.

Paul had a down day in that he was disoriented. When asked what month, he said March. When shown 3 months to chose from, he said March, which was not a choice.
He said he was 18 yrs old when asked. I guess he learned that answer from me !
He said he had 3 brothers, and could only remember 2 of the names. The speech therapist also said he can use a straw now, but does have difficulty not choking. He is not swallowing as well as he should. He is also not trying to talk. The trach tube should be removed this week, so hopefully, that will help him get his speech back. Pray, Pray, Pray.
Also, they put a cast on his left foot to stretch the tendon. It will be taken off on Thrusday, and another one put on until Monday. He had a mold made for his right foot to be worn at night, to keep that tendon as it is. He will find standing and walking a lot easier if the tendon is stretched as it should be.

Today, we meet with the medical staff, so pray for all of them, that they will do all that God wills. I will update the blog later this afternoon with that news.
It will help us know where Paul is at this point in time, and the projected time frame for his release date from Shepherd, where he will then just be on out patient status.

God's blessings to you all, as you go forth and SEE the goodness of the Lord.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Picture Paul this way.........without 'attitude'

Monday's update below these pictures.

The buzz about Paul

Today was a very interesting and also encouraging day for us. But not for Paul. His day started with a buzz cut. He was very restless as they cut his hair. They had shaved his head for the plastic surgery, and the cut today was to even out his hair all over. He looks so much more like Paul. But, he didn't act very much like Paul. He was very agitated, and kept trying to get us out of the way so he could propel himself out of the room, using his feet to move the wheelchair. He was mad when he wasn't allowed to leave. When he was asked what kind of a cast he wanted for his foot (to help stretch the tendon on his left foot) he impatiently wrote NORMAL. What they wanted actually was the color, since he could have any color he wanted. When asked what color, he wrote NORMAL again, with 2 exclamation marks after it, which let us know he didn't really care about this topic. He pointed to the door to let us know he was heading out. But he wasn't allowed to go because the speech therapist still had some things she needed to do with him. We hugged him, blessed him and left at this point to attend a class and a meeting.

We have to attend some classes to help us prepare for the care of Paul when he comes home, and to learn more about brain injuries and possible outcomes. We will be meeting with the doctors and therapists this week to find out the projected discharge date and to get a summary of Paul's overall medical condition at this point.

We learned about the different areas of the brain and I would have liked learning about all of this more if it weren't such a personal matter!! The term 'ignorance is bliss' came to mind. It was easier facing the future not knowing so many details about brain injuries and which ones applied to Paul. Some of it could make anyone feel worried or anxious, but when I started to worry about what all might be injured in Paul's brain, I prayed and asked God to help us accept whatever He wills in Paul's recovery. I not only found comfort in praying , but also the fact that the brain can take up to 2 years or more to completely heal. We had heard that healing stops after 6 months. We learned that the brain wants to set things right and will keep at it for a long time. What a marvel our bodies are. The mystery of the brain and how it works certainly confirms for us that God must exist. There is still so much unknown about the brain, and may never be known due to the complexity of its processes. We were told that Paul has youth on his side and his prior level of intelligence and experiences add to the chances of a good recovery. If he had been a drug user, or had not finished high school, and had major problems with discipline before - those would be factors for a lower expectation of good recovery. (So my guess is, we can say goodbye to any chance of his ever cleaning his room without an act of congress being passed...some things will not change...smile.) We also learned that we should expect Paul to be a good bit like himself, with subtle changes in some of his abilities. Again, over time, with rehab and family support, he should be able to overcome obstacles. What they didn't say, but we know to be true, is that with God EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. We continue to pray for God's healing graces to help Paul in all ways. At the same time, we thank God for the gift of His Son Jesus, who taught us about suffering.
Luke 14:27
"And whosoever does not carry his cross and come after me cannot be my disciple."

I hope more than anything else in life, that when I die I hear these words of God- "well done my good and faithful servant". So I pray each day for these gifts:
1. patience- as we wait with our son for God's will in his life and ours
2. more perfect love of Jesus - so that others can see Jesus in us
3. humility - so that our lives will reflect the Glory of God

This whole incident has me remembering daily, the words that we do not know the time or the day, but live each day as if it were your last. Yes, I believe I had better pick up the pace!

Back to Paul - he ended up in restraints today. He was trying to take his trach out once again, along with the belts they have on him to keep him from trying to get up out of the wheelchair. Actually, what they have used is like a boxing glove. Also, when he was told he would not be put back in bed, he 'walked' himself down to the gym and slid down in his wheelchair and propped his feet up on the table that has the mats on it. He was clearly unhappy that he was not getting his way. When lunch came, he wouldn't eat. At this point, I have to admit, I was relieved we could leave the area so the therapist could get him calmed down and could work with him. We were told he is getting into stage 4, which is the stage where the person will act out with different degrees of anger and frustration. It is a very natural step towards recovery and so we are grateful he will have trained therapists to help him through this stage. He is not acting like this on purpose, it is the way the brain is responding to the trauma he suffered and the recovery process. It is so hard to watch our son have to go through this. But praise be to God we get to. That is what we always remind ourselves...........we get to watch Paul RECOVER. In God's way and in God's time.

Speaking of time, I have used up too much of yours!

May you have an increase in the gifts of faith, hope and love in this miraculous Christmas season.
Peace to you, our brothers and sisters in Christ,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

No Thanks

It is official. There can be no other explanation for the things we have seen in the last 2 days. We are positively witnessing a 'miracle season' in our lives.

Paul's little brother Michael walked into the room yesterday and had on a fleece jacket and it has the brand name COLUMBIA on the front. Paul motioned for Mike to come closer and he pointed at the word COLUMBIA and then he did a motion with his hand that a director of a movie might due to mean 'cut'. He did this motion across his throat, with his right hand. He was trying to tell Mike to quit wearing his clothes. The jacket Mike had on was a new one that Mike had purchased last week, and it is charcoal grey. Paul has one just like it, only black. So Mike told him, "I know this looks like yours, but see, mine has a pocket on the inside and mine is grey - yours is black." With that explanation, Paul gave him the ok sign. That let us know Paul has memory of things in his past, but to what extent will remain to be seen. Mike knows it means he won't be able to borrow Paul's leather jacket after all.

Mike also purchased a pair of shoes for Paul to wear. Paul looked at them and then motioned to put them back into the box. He didn't like them. He realized they weren't his own shoes. So Mike told Paul all about the gel in the heels and that Uncle Mike wears this same shoe, and went on to explain how well built they were. So Paul took another look at them, then handed me the shoe and pointed to his foot. I put them on and Paul seemed content with them. Appears Paul's fashion sense is intact. Or, it could mean that Mike will be able to talk his brother into anything............like all the good reasons Paul should let him wear the leather jacket.

Jon was with Paul all day yesterday and it was fitting that he got to see Paul take his first step. I was witness to Paul's other first steps about 20 years ago, so it was his dad's turn. Jon said that Paul was in the wheelchair when he got there. They took Paul down to the physical therapy room and asked Paul to help get out of the wheelchair. What they were not ready for was Paul getting up and standing with very moderate assistance and took a step to help get to the mats. These mats are on platforms that are raised to about knee level, so patients can sit and strengthen the back and neck muscles. When he was done, he stood up again and with moderate assistance, got back into his wheelchair. They did not have to use the lift to get Paul back into bed either. He stood and helped get to the bed. See what I mean? The only explanation is that we are in the miracle season. For Paul to have made that kind of progress over night is phenomenal.

That is not the highlight of the day, believe it or not. Jon had brought a pad of paper and a pen down with him to see if Paul could write anything. He said he wrote a couple of things, but Jon could not make it out. Then, someone asked Paul if he needed help with anything, and he wrote NO THANKS on the pad of paper. He can spell, can write and even remembered his manners! We were bursting with joy at this development. It does not mean Paul is fully recovered, but it is a good starting point for him. Paul has such a long way to go before he has all the recovery God intends for him, but God's hand is clearly at work. It has made our walk with Him so filled with hope and joy and renewed faith. Everyday we are reminded that we have choices. We could despair over the fact that Paul may never play the guitar as he did before, or that he may suffer a permanent physical impairment (vision), or cognitive disabilities. Or we could dwell on how this has disrupted our lives at this busy time of year, when we were in the middle of getting ready for our son Jon's wedding.Or that we can no longer come and go as we used to. But the joy that has come from thanking God for the life of Paul, for the opportunity to share this real faith story with others to help them renew their own faith and ours as we care for each other through our prayerfulness - these are some of the gifts of this miracle season. We have felt a love that has been like a blanket to us,and have seen marvelous deeds and actions by the caring nurses and doctors and friends. We have heard of the miracles happening to people who had given up on God, but were drawn back in by this story of a young man receiving great graces and healings through the powerful prayers of faithful people of God. So many things will not be made known to us, but will still be part of this story that has helped us learn about the Glory of God. I heard once that the tapestry that God weaves is not for us to know or see, but that we have to trust He is weaving it according to His will. We can only see the knots from below. I have imagined that one day, I may see the one beautiful ROSE that was woven in this large tapestry, and that will be the flower that represented our little occurence and the lives of everyone touched by it. It is a tiny little event in the whole scheme of history, but the ripple effect will go out and be part of God's marvelous plan for His children.

Today's scripture reading at Mass jumped out at me and confirmed what we have come to understand in this last month. St. Paul's letter to the Thessalonians, 5:16-24,
" Brothers and Sisters: Rejoice always. Pray wihout ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophetic utterances. Test everything; retain what is good. Refrain from every kind of evil. May the God of peace make you perfectly holy and may you entirely, spirit, soul and body, be preserved blameless for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will also accomplish it."

Yes, our Lord Jesus is faithful, and His way to our heart is made straight when we listen humbly to the words of Truth.

Jesus is the light for your pathway - pray for the grace to follow Him where He leads you. He will never fail you.

Love to everyone in this day that the Lord has truly made.
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Did someone say Six Flaggs?

What an exciting day this has been and it is only noon!
Paul was already done with breakfast when I got here at 9 am.
He had done well with soft food, and had even had some eggs. He struggled a little bit with the solid foods, but that should improve as each day goes by.
They had him in a very cool wheelchair. It can do so many things, like tilt back, and forward, and has a very large tray for Paul to work at. It also serves as a great support for his body. There is a head rest that curves around to really support his head and keep it in the correct position, as he continues to do things that will strengthen his neck muscles. With the new neck support, he has a lot better control for his head movements.
They measured his ankles, to make sure they have enough motion and flexing during the day so that when he is helped to stand up and walk, he won't have any problems with his ligaments being contracted in the wrong position. If they need to, they will make a cast for his left ankle that he will wear for 3 or so days, to help stretch it out. So cool!
Also, they have an alarm on the wheelchair that is set for 30 minutes and after that time, his chair is tilted back to take pressure off his body so that he will not have any break down of his skin. Then they reset the timer and repeat in 30 minutes.
They had Paul sitting on the edge of a big table that has a thick work out mat on it. He was asked to sit up very straight, which he did pretty well. He struggles to keep his head up straight, but it is a lot better than a couple of days ago.
He was asked to differentiate between shaving cream and deodarant bottles, which he did. They asked him to show what you do with each, which he did. He hesitated about the shaving cream, snd I looked at the occupational therapist and said "electric." Paul uses an electric shaver. So she asked us to bring that in so he can start taking care of himself. There is a sink and big mirror for Paul to personally groom himself.

He was put back in bed at noon. He was able to get a ride like at Six Flaggs. There is a mesh 'blanket' that they put under Paul on the bed, and there is a large bar that is connected to the ceiling, which is brought over the bed, and then he is lifted up and over his wheelchair. That is how they get him out of the wheelchair too.

I Have to sign off, they are getting him up for lunch!
Busy day!
Love to all
Rebecca

Room with a view!

Paul left Gwinnett Medical Center this morning at 9:00 am. He handled the ride very well. His dad was with him. The EMT in the van told Jon that he had a good feeling about Paul. And so do we!!

Paul was checked out by the staff at Shepherd, and received a crash course in what will start to happen for him. The speech therapist fed him vanilla pudding, and diced peaches. He handled this very well. He did not say anything as there was so much activity going on. The occupational therapist was encouraged by what she saw and the physical therapist had Paul sitting up and checked out his strength. They changed out the soft collar on his neck, with one that will provide more support and also makes room for his trach. This will allow him to speak more easily when they start working with him tomorrow. They are going to try to feed him breakfast, as they are anxious to get him off the trach tube and off the stomach feeding peg.

I have not stopped smiling since I got here because of all the positive talk by everyone who came in. Even the case manager from our insurance company said she was so happy when she had been told that Paul had woken up and was responding. She was so kind and willing to help in any way needed. The staff at Shepherd has been so wonderful also. Jon was met at the entrance by 3 people and was given lots of information. Unfortunately, I got stuck in I-85 traffic that was heading downtown and was about a half hour behind Paul's the ambulance. We will have a meeting on Monday that will go into more detail. We were given a tour of the floor that Paul will be on. Tomorrow, they will show us how the day will go for Paul, with some of the therapies he will be scheduled to receive. There is a large board that shows what will happen each day, when he will be fed, and the activities that he will attend. There is so much hope filling this place. We were in awe of what people can do and how they can help themselves, as we walked down to the cafeteria.

At Mass this morning, I remembered that I called out to our Blessed Mother in heaven(on the day of the accident) and asked her to be with me as I walked forward. And I know that Blessed Mary is still walking with me, as Paul was being brought to the Sheperd Center on her feast day of the Immaculate Conception. So many times, we have been shown that our Mother in Heaven is helping her children on earth and she loves us as she loved her Son, Jesus Christ. What a beautiful gift God has given us in our Blessed Mother Mary. With great confidence I pray for her intercession.

They took the stitches out of Paul's eyelid. He still does not appear to have vision in his left eye, but we continue to pray for a miracle. Stranger things have happened since November 11, 2005. And so we will wait.

We have been told that the visits for Paul should be limited to immediate family only for the next 3-5 weeks. This is a very important time for Paul and he will be so busy during the days, that his rest is very important. While visiting hours are from 6-8 pm, they will be limiting this to family only until Paul is more capable of doing for himself. He is easily over stimulated and needs to get as much rest at night as he can. Paul is in an area that is locked, for the protection and privacy of the patients. After he is out of their 'prep' program, they will let us know about visiting. Please send your comments in, as we read these to Paul each day.

God bless each and everyone of you.
Our love to you,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero