I had that song, 'Wake Up Little Susie' in my head this morning as I reflected on this date, 11/26.
Jon and I were at Mass this morning and I whispered to him that this was the date when Paul woke up from his coma, 3 years ago. During Mass, I remembered the huge joy that erupted in our home that day. It was 6:30 AM when the phone rang. I was frozen in fear when it rang, since it was too early for family to call us. I will never forget Jon running out into the hallway shouting, "Paul is awake! Paul is responding!" The boys came racing out of their rooms and joined all the yelling and laughing. Within 10 minutes they were bolting out the door to go see their brother.
So I sat there this morning, in the quiet of the sanctuary, with that song going on in my head. The words of the responsorial after the first reading brought me back.
GREAT AND WONDERFUL ARE ALL YOUR WORKS, LORD, MIGHTY GOD! (RV 15:3)
"Let the sea and what fills it resound, the world and those who dwell in it;
Let the rivers clap their hands, the mountains shout with them for joy."
(Psalm 98)
As I sat there, I dwelled on the fact that I too needed to wake up from the darkness that I can slip into. I remember wanting to be the most holy person on earth that day, after God had done such great deeds for our family. I was determined to show Him my love and devotion all the rest of my days. As I sat in church this morning, 3 years later, I reflected on the fact that I had not kept my promise very well. At this time of year, when everyone takes stock of all that they are thankful for, I was thinking how long my list is. With all the blessings we have - our faith, jobs, health, home, family - I wish I had been able to keep my promise to God on that day, 3 years ago. I prayed that I too would be woken up to see with greater clarity, the Light of Jesus.
The end of the Gospel from today states, "You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perseverance, you will secure your lives." So, once again, with great prayerfulness and hope, I will work at being the holy person God so wants me to be.
After Mass, I read the meditation of the day, written by St. Paulinus, a friend of Sts. Ambrose, Martin of Tours and Augustine. Paul's accident was on 11/11, which is the feast day of St. Martin of Tours and today's meditation was written by St. Paulinus. Very cool, I thought to myself.
Perseverance as Service
" From the beginning of the world, Christ has been suffering in all His people; for he is the beginning and the end, veiled in the law, revealed in the Gospel, the Lord ever wonderful in His saints, in whom He both suffers and triumphs. In Abel He was killed by his brother, in Noah mocked by his son, in Abraham a sojourner, in Isaac offered in sacrifice, in Jacob a servant, in Joseph sold, in Moses exposed and put to flight, in the prophets stoned and sawn in two, in the apostles buffeted on land and sea, and in the many varied torments of the blessed martyrs put to death time and again.
And it is the same Lord who endures our sufferings and sorrows today. He identified himself with the human race and so has continually borne the mal-treatment inflicted upon us; for He knows how to endure suffering, which without Him we cannot and know not how to endure. It is He, I say, who continues to withstand the world in us and for us today, so that , overcoming it by His patient endurance, He may bring His power to perfection in weakness. He it is who suffers the taunts you endure, and by hating you this world is hating Him.
Consider the position from which we fell in the beginning and you will realize that it is by the design of God's wisdom and love that we are being restored to life. In Adam we were destroyed by pride and therefore, we are humbled in Christ so as to wash away the guilt of that ancient crime by practicing the opposite virtue, having offended by arrogance, we win approval by service."
I will continue in service by helping Paul move closer to all God intends for him. As always, I continue to learn from Paul. His humility, his incredible love for everyone he comes into contact with, his acceptance of his disabilities, his patience with the pain he has each day. And today, I am most thankful for his example of hope and joy, knowing that God woke him on that day after whispering in his soul. Paul knows this with a certainty and this knowledge moves him forward each day. As we prayed the other day, he told me that he knows God hears his prayers and that he has to wait for the answers. He is hoping that there will be a day when he can be a great husband and father, but also that if God has a different life for him, he wants what God wants.
Oh God, hear my prayer today.............wake me up and help me continue in humble service, with a greater desire for holiness, so your love will be known to all I encounter. Wake up our world and those who lead our nations, so that your light and love will be the example all your children can follow.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. We are blessed with your prayers and your lives.
God bless you and keep you awake and aware of His great love.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Take Me To The Highway
Paul is waiting to lead the rosary service
at St. Stephen's on the 3rd anniversary
of his accident date.
How far he has come!
Judy and her son, Jerry were there too.
Praise God for their never ending
love and support for our family.
We could not have done it without
them.
Regarding Paul ever driving again, it feels like we have been on back wood trails for way too long. Paul had an eye exam a couple of months ago to test his peripheral vision to make sure it was within the standards set by the state of Georgia. Shepherd Center could not help Paul until they knew he even qualified in visual category. His driving skills were 'rusty' but they told us that he would be able to get additional training to get him back up to good driving skills and quick reaction times. They did not doubt he could master that. We had had seen one opthamologist and he did not have the equipment to do the Goldman test, which is the best way to determine Paul's visual field. After seeing another opthamologist downtown, we waited for them to share the results with Shepherd Center. After many phone calls to each place and finally my tone of voice giving a clue that this whole process was beyond ridiculous, the doctor's office finally provided all the information on the required form and they faxed it to Shepherd Center today. As all of you probably know, customer service is a thing of the past in America. This test of patience that God keeps checking me on, is starting to make me lose my patience! I can see it now. After I die, I will be met at the doors to heaven and St. Peter will tell me that I am being sent back and as a final test of whether I am ready to enter, I will need to go back and get copies of my medical records.
So, with the form filled out, we are working our way out of the woods and to the highway. We are waiting to hear from the Vocational Rehabilitation office (Dept. of Labor) for an appointment for Paul. Don't say it.................I know.............from the frying pan into the fire! A government agency is next on our list. They are supposed to help Paul with the costs of the driving program, which runs about $150/hour and he will need a minimum of 10 hours. We were told that this office will also help Paul with being successful in school and gaining more skills for re-entry to the work force. Paul has been blessed in that area. He is still working part-time at DTSi and he believes he is working quickly and efficiently at the clerical duties he performs. This company has been very kind to Paul by allowing him to return to work when he was ready. He started out with only an hour or two every couple days, and has worked up to around 20 hours/week. Some weeks are not as much due to his school schedule and papers he has to work on. It has been one of the biggest blessings Paul has received. He has been able to work in a place where everyone knows him and what he has been through. He works with people who love him! So wonderful and such a gift from God.
So, once we can meet with a case worker, we can get the driving course started. I am hopeful it will be sooner than later. I know it will do Paul a world of good to get more of his normal life back. It will be such a huge step towards more recovery. He was thrilled when I called him this morning. I was able to catch him before he went into his class. He called me right after it was over to discuss it all some more and to also let me know the grade on his last paper he had to turn in before the final exam essay was a very good one. It was an A. Paul also said he was able to participate a lot in class in the discussions. He does not do as well on pop quizzes and he had one today. He got 3 out of 4 correct, which is a 75%. He did not remember an author's name. His memory is funny. If it is of high interest to him, he will remember the most minute detail forever. With other things, he needs to be told over and over. Very quirky.
Paul did really well on Tuesday at church. He made sure he had a list of everything he needed to do. He led those attending the rosary service in song and read all the scripture passes without a mistake. He was quite happy with himself when it was over. He said he had a great "Happy Life Day" (what we named his 3rd anniversary date) and was really happy his brother's called him. He said Jon told him he would always remember 11/11/05 as the worst and best day of his life. It is a true statement for our family. The blessings definitely out number the difficulties. I am being very honest about that too. We have had some really tough days these last few years. There were times when I was so emotionally and physically drained that I wanted to give up and tell God enough was enough. And there were days that I said it out loud to God! There have been days that I learned just how far down despair can take you - and learned that your body will keep producing tears no matter how long you cry. But there have been far more days where God has sent little signs of His love, His mercy and His light. So many days that brought the love of family, neighbors and friends into our lives just when we needed it. The number of tears I have shed with joy are close to the mortgage bailout figure! I will repeat what I have said. I would not trade this experience in for an easier one because I have begun a journey with God that is hopefully going to bring me out of the woods and onto the highway.
Blessings to all of you,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU
Three years and counting...................
I have to start with great thanksgiving to our God who has graced us with more love, laughter and recovery than I could ever have imagined we would experience since 11/11/05. How the power of pray has moved a mountain! I will never forget those first few months in the hospitals, nor the hours spent wondering where this would take us. We prayed with an intensity we did not know was within us and we were graced with an answer far beyond our hopes. So many prayers sent up to heaven by so many people.....it still amazes us to this day.
Paul is doing well in school in that he understands what is being taught in the classroom. He has participated on a number of occassions and is very happy as he relates how his teacher will agree with him and then expound on Paul's comments. It is interesting that some of Paul's comments are related to his music background and how in depth he remembers his theory. We are still prayerful Paul will rekindle his passion for music. As of now, it is dormant.
We have to help Paul a good deal with his 3-6 page essays that he has written for his class. He understands the material, but has difficulty starting the paper and keeping his thoughts organized. I have been blessed to have as my friend, the mother of another brain injured young man. I have written of her often and we still stay in touch. A month ago we met for lunch and she shared the path that her son has taken since his accident almost 5 years ago. She said that Paul is following the same path in a number of ways and that she too had to help her son a lot in the first 3 semesters he was back in college. He is now in his 5th semester and has taken a full load and is doing everything for himself. He lives in an apartment near the Atlanta rail system and uses that to get to class each day. He lost the sight in one of his eyes, so is not able to drive. But that has not stopped his progress and he is blessed to have a lot of his friends still near him to help him get around. Dee also said that her son was so much more like his old self and that even he realizes he has continued to recover in his mental abilities. She said that they still see improvement in so many ways and for us to remain very optimistic about the future for Paul. Hearing all of this helped me squelch some fears that had cropped up, especially in the area of school. Lately, I felt we had hit a dead end as we saw Paul struggle through this coursework.
I read something recently that reminded me that I have to let it go and trust God is guiding us along. I took a spiritual inventory and realized I am still battling my tendency to 'take control'. I was praying hard for God to help me because I really felt far away from that relationship I had been building upon all this time. I had a real battle going on inside. I would pray for a greater love of God and greater trust, but still felt very empty. I finally called out to God while in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament -"How long Lord? What do you want from me?" The following week I got an answer.
It was these words from Father Jean-Pierre De Caussade (1751 - a French Jesuit) that helped me:
"I experience impetouous desires of acquiring the gift of prayer, humilty, gentleness, the love of God; to this I reply: Let us not think so much about our own interests. My duty is to occupy myself simply and quietly with God, to accomplish His will in all that He asks of me, at the moment. That is my task; everything else I leave in the care of God; my advancement is His business, as mine is to occupy myself ceaselessly with Him and to execute His orders. It occurs to me that I am still so imperfect, so full of defects and meannesses, of infidelities and weaknesses; how long will it be before I am delivered from these things? I reply at once: by the grace of God I do not love my faults, I am resolved to combat them; but I shall only be delivered from them when it may please God to deliver me. That is His affair, mine is to hate these faults and to fight them with patience, penitence and humility until it pleases God to give me the victory over them. This is what God demands of me; He will give me more light and knowledge when He thinks it well to do so. That is His affair. I have placed all my spiritual progress in His hands."
Pretty much hit the nail on the head, wouldn't you agree? It not only applied to my relationship to God, but also my responsibility to Paul. God will bring to us all that we can handle in the day and we need to wait with patience for the next step. What will be, will be. I am to stand by and take orders from God, not give them...............such a tough lesson for this pitiful soul!
We still see the roller coaster recovery pattern. Paul is in a low spot these days. These are the times when I feel impatient. It is the time where the brain shuts down so he can get some repairs done. He has been very forgetful lately and not quite as sharp in his thought processes. I am not sure how long it will last, but we have been graced with recovery each time.
One huge thing he did was to go on a retreat with the Catholic Students Association at GA State this past weekend. He has been back in touch with the director of the program and has been going to the noon Mass on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he can. Rudy told him about the retreat in the North GA mountains and Paul made the decision to go. He had a very good time and came home exhausted. He tried to tell us all about it on Sunday when we picked him up, but he suddenly said he was too tired to talk. We could tell he was in overload. He was quiet for a little while and then continued to tell us more about it. He stayed a bit sluggish through today. He and Jerry went for a long swim this afternoon to get an "oxygen" fill up in his brain. The aerobic excercises are best for Paul and we felt it would help him a lot. Jerry is on vacation this week, so he hopes to get Paul to the aquatic center at least 2 more times.
Right before the election, our pastor organized a nightly rosary to be said at church. There is so much to pray for in our country and he knows the power of prayer is the answer. Needless to say, there were so many of our friends and parishioners that were so saddened by the outcome of this election, as it relates to the hard work of the Pro-Life movement. Our priest's response is perfect. We have gone almost every night and it brings us so much joy. There is a sign up sheet for people to take charge of leading it each night. They can choose the opening song and then they lead the congregation in the recitation of the rosary and then the Litany of the Blessed Mary. Then they lead us in a closing song. Tonight, Paul has signed up as a way of remembering so many parishioners who came to church one night and prayed specifically for him while he was still in a coma. Our family was shocked and overjoyed at how many people came. Three years later, our family is shocked and overjoyed at how many people are coming every night to pray for our country, for the unemployed and for an end to abortion. A sign for the times that God's truth will be carried from this generation to the next.
As I reflected today on these past 3 years, the title just popped into my head. God's response to His people, our response to God and to all of you who have prayed, our efforts to help Paul recover is summed up in those words. ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU. It will be this shared love that will move us through any difficult days ahead. Always and Forever. Praise be to Our Loving Father in heaven.
With much love and gratitude, we keep you in our hearts.
Jon and Rebecca
I have to start with great thanksgiving to our God who has graced us with more love, laughter and recovery than I could ever have imagined we would experience since 11/11/05. How the power of pray has moved a mountain! I will never forget those first few months in the hospitals, nor the hours spent wondering where this would take us. We prayed with an intensity we did not know was within us and we were graced with an answer far beyond our hopes. So many prayers sent up to heaven by so many people.....it still amazes us to this day.
Paul is doing well in school in that he understands what is being taught in the classroom. He has participated on a number of occassions and is very happy as he relates how his teacher will agree with him and then expound on Paul's comments. It is interesting that some of Paul's comments are related to his music background and how in depth he remembers his theory. We are still prayerful Paul will rekindle his passion for music. As of now, it is dormant.
We have to help Paul a good deal with his 3-6 page essays that he has written for his class. He understands the material, but has difficulty starting the paper and keeping his thoughts organized. I have been blessed to have as my friend, the mother of another brain injured young man. I have written of her often and we still stay in touch. A month ago we met for lunch and she shared the path that her son has taken since his accident almost 5 years ago. She said that Paul is following the same path in a number of ways and that she too had to help her son a lot in the first 3 semesters he was back in college. He is now in his 5th semester and has taken a full load and is doing everything for himself. He lives in an apartment near the Atlanta rail system and uses that to get to class each day. He lost the sight in one of his eyes, so is not able to drive. But that has not stopped his progress and he is blessed to have a lot of his friends still near him to help him get around. Dee also said that her son was so much more like his old self and that even he realizes he has continued to recover in his mental abilities. She said that they still see improvement in so many ways and for us to remain very optimistic about the future for Paul. Hearing all of this helped me squelch some fears that had cropped up, especially in the area of school. Lately, I felt we had hit a dead end as we saw Paul struggle through this coursework.
I read something recently that reminded me that I have to let it go and trust God is guiding us along. I took a spiritual inventory and realized I am still battling my tendency to 'take control'. I was praying hard for God to help me because I really felt far away from that relationship I had been building upon all this time. I had a real battle going on inside. I would pray for a greater love of God and greater trust, but still felt very empty. I finally called out to God while in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament -"How long Lord? What do you want from me?" The following week I got an answer.
It was these words from Father Jean-Pierre De Caussade (1751 - a French Jesuit) that helped me:
"I experience impetouous desires of acquiring the gift of prayer, humilty, gentleness, the love of God; to this I reply: Let us not think so much about our own interests. My duty is to occupy myself simply and quietly with God, to accomplish His will in all that He asks of me, at the moment. That is my task; everything else I leave in the care of God; my advancement is His business, as mine is to occupy myself ceaselessly with Him and to execute His orders. It occurs to me that I am still so imperfect, so full of defects and meannesses, of infidelities and weaknesses; how long will it be before I am delivered from these things? I reply at once: by the grace of God I do not love my faults, I am resolved to combat them; but I shall only be delivered from them when it may please God to deliver me. That is His affair, mine is to hate these faults and to fight them with patience, penitence and humility until it pleases God to give me the victory over them. This is what God demands of me; He will give me more light and knowledge when He thinks it well to do so. That is His affair. I have placed all my spiritual progress in His hands."
Pretty much hit the nail on the head, wouldn't you agree? It not only applied to my relationship to God, but also my responsibility to Paul. God will bring to us all that we can handle in the day and we need to wait with patience for the next step. What will be, will be. I am to stand by and take orders from God, not give them...............such a tough lesson for this pitiful soul!
We still see the roller coaster recovery pattern. Paul is in a low spot these days. These are the times when I feel impatient. It is the time where the brain shuts down so he can get some repairs done. He has been very forgetful lately and not quite as sharp in his thought processes. I am not sure how long it will last, but we have been graced with recovery each time.
One huge thing he did was to go on a retreat with the Catholic Students Association at GA State this past weekend. He has been back in touch with the director of the program and has been going to the noon Mass on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he can. Rudy told him about the retreat in the North GA mountains and Paul made the decision to go. He had a very good time and came home exhausted. He tried to tell us all about it on Sunday when we picked him up, but he suddenly said he was too tired to talk. We could tell he was in overload. He was quiet for a little while and then continued to tell us more about it. He stayed a bit sluggish through today. He and Jerry went for a long swim this afternoon to get an "oxygen" fill up in his brain. The aerobic excercises are best for Paul and we felt it would help him a lot. Jerry is on vacation this week, so he hopes to get Paul to the aquatic center at least 2 more times.
Right before the election, our pastor organized a nightly rosary to be said at church. There is so much to pray for in our country and he knows the power of prayer is the answer. Needless to say, there were so many of our friends and parishioners that were so saddened by the outcome of this election, as it relates to the hard work of the Pro-Life movement. Our priest's response is perfect. We have gone almost every night and it brings us so much joy. There is a sign up sheet for people to take charge of leading it each night. They can choose the opening song and then they lead the congregation in the recitation of the rosary and then the Litany of the Blessed Mary. Then they lead us in a closing song. Tonight, Paul has signed up as a way of remembering so many parishioners who came to church one night and prayed specifically for him while he was still in a coma. Our family was shocked and overjoyed at how many people came. Three years later, our family is shocked and overjoyed at how many people are coming every night to pray for our country, for the unemployed and for an end to abortion. A sign for the times that God's truth will be carried from this generation to the next.
As I reflected today on these past 3 years, the title just popped into my head. God's response to His people, our response to God and to all of you who have prayed, our efforts to help Paul recover is summed up in those words. ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU. It will be this shared love that will move us through any difficult days ahead. Always and Forever. Praise be to Our Loving Father in heaven.
With much love and gratitude, we keep you in our hearts.
Jon and Rebecca
Monday, November 03, 2008
Power of Prayer
I have been praying with great fervency as this election day approaches and tonight, as I sat here awake at midnight, it occurred to me that it was the power of so many people's prayers that truly saved our son Paul from death on November 11, 2005. I have never been very public about my political views, but felt called tonight to ask everyone to pray once again for LIFE.
While there are many points of view regarding this election, I believe it is important to speak out when evil tries to prevail in our world. While social justice, capital punishment and the economy are important issues, these become moot points when the very source of life is the battleground. While I have never intended to use this format as anything other than a way to keep everyone updated about the progress of Paul and to ask for continued prayers for his recovery, I cannot stay silent on so important an issue. As I have begged for your prayerful help for these past 3 years, I beg for your prayerful response to end the holocaust taking place each day in America. There is no other way to end abortions than through prayer and fasting. The lives of millions of innocent babies are in our hands and we, a holy people, need to unite as one and pray without ceasing. It is interesting that so divisive an election is taking place in this year of St. Paul. It was this disciple of Jesus who urged his brothers and sisters in Christ to pray without ceasing and that message still holds true today. Please listen to the voice of Jesus in your heart. Vote and pray that America will continue to be One Nation Under God. In a study of St. Paul I learned that to believe in God means to be obedient to God. It is not as easy as it sounds, especially when faced with adversity here on earth. But once again, I have asked myself if my behavior will allow me to hear Jesus say, "Well done faithful servant". I don't believe being silent will help me hear those words when I die. We have to speak for those innocent souls that cannot plead for their lives. Just as I spoke for Paul when he could not ask us to pray for his life, I must speak for these innocent babies. Please pray with all your heart and remember that if we had the faith of a mustard seed, we could move the mountain into the sea. There is still time to cry out to our Father in heaven for this battle to be won. Once again, I plead for your prayers and fasting through election day.
"The fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3
"...nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake. I am the Lord." —Lv 19:16
"If you remain indifferent in time of adversity, your strength will depart from you." —Prv 24:10
Come Holy Spirit and renew the hearts of your people on earth.
God our Father, have mercy us and hear the prayers of the faithful.
In the name of Jesus,
The Fidero Family
While there are many points of view regarding this election, I believe it is important to speak out when evil tries to prevail in our world. While social justice, capital punishment and the economy are important issues, these become moot points when the very source of life is the battleground. While I have never intended to use this format as anything other than a way to keep everyone updated about the progress of Paul and to ask for continued prayers for his recovery, I cannot stay silent on so important an issue. As I have begged for your prayerful help for these past 3 years, I beg for your prayerful response to end the holocaust taking place each day in America. There is no other way to end abortions than through prayer and fasting. The lives of millions of innocent babies are in our hands and we, a holy people, need to unite as one and pray without ceasing. It is interesting that so divisive an election is taking place in this year of St. Paul. It was this disciple of Jesus who urged his brothers and sisters in Christ to pray without ceasing and that message still holds true today. Please listen to the voice of Jesus in your heart. Vote and pray that America will continue to be One Nation Under God. In a study of St. Paul I learned that to believe in God means to be obedient to God. It is not as easy as it sounds, especially when faced with adversity here on earth. But once again, I have asked myself if my behavior will allow me to hear Jesus say, "Well done faithful servant". I don't believe being silent will help me hear those words when I die. We have to speak for those innocent souls that cannot plead for their lives. Just as I spoke for Paul when he could not ask us to pray for his life, I must speak for these innocent babies. Please pray with all your heart and remember that if we had the faith of a mustard seed, we could move the mountain into the sea. There is still time to cry out to our Father in heaven for this battle to be won. Once again, I plead for your prayers and fasting through election day.
"The fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3
"...nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake. I am the Lord." —Lv 19:16
"If you remain indifferent in time of adversity, your strength will depart from you." —Prv 24:10
Come Holy Spirit and renew the hearts of your people on earth.
God our Father, have mercy us and hear the prayers of the faithful.
In the name of Jesus,
The Fidero Family
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
GOING OUT OF MY HEAD, OVER YOU
I have not been able to get much done on this blog, as I have had surgery to repair a rotator cuff tear and a bone spur in my shoulder. I have had very limited movement and can only type with my left hand. I had no idea I was so uncoordinated with my left hand! I have hit my cheek more than once as I try to get my toothbrush into my mouth. I will be more thankful than ever when I get back the full use of my right arm. Praise God for all that works in my body!
Right after the surgery, I was given a nerve block, (administered in my neck) to help with the pain I would experience after the surgery. I did not realize it had deadened my throat also. Later, when I tried to take a sip of water with my medicine, I choked because the water just flowed down my throat before I was able to hold it and then swallow. After I stopped choking, I immediately thought of Paul. I told Jon how awful it must be for Paul, since he still suffers a little bit with this problem. Along with not always being able to control fluids being swallowed, he can taste food only on his right side. He can smell only on his left side. So much we take for granted in our lives! When I saw Paul later in the day, he smiled and said, "And lucky you, you will get your feeling back by tomorrow." I told him I was sorry to assume I knew what it was like for him and he said that he was very glad no one in the family had to know what it is like.
He is so patient about his disabilities, yet sometimes feels very sad he looks so different. He said he misses looking normal and hopes some day there will be a young lady who will look past his facial impairments and will see who he really is. It has really started to make me very sad. We are coming up to 3 years and I do struggle sometimes with the realities with which Paul is left. I hurt for him so much. Amazingly though, God seems to bring some very bright and happy times right behind those moments. He has not forgotten, nor forsaken us. His graces continue to keep us moving forward.
Paul is enjoying college and is working very hard to do well. He had to turn in an essay a few weeks ago and on the day his 2nd essay was due, he got the first one back. He got a 65% on it, which is a D in that class. He was heartbroken. He realized after class that he probably would not do well on the second essay either, since he had not received the first one back in time to know what this professor was looking for. He started to work on the 3rd essay knowing a little more about what he needed to include. (We did not realize there would be so much writing in this class and that is exactly the kind of class we were supposed to stay away from on his first effort back in college. The low grade had Jon and me very concerned. Paul was never a strong writer, unless he was writing about music, so this class is quite a challenge for him. ) Last Tuesday, when Jerry asked Paul what his plans were for the day, Paul said jokingly, “I plan on getting a 98 on my second essay that I am getting back today.” At 11:00 he called me and told me that he actually got a 98% on his essay! He was laughing so hard and was incredulous that the day turned out exactly as he had joked about. He also said he planned on buying a lottery ticket and would win enough money so that he wouldn’t have to take anymore writing classes.
Another amazing thing that day was that they had watched a movie in class that they would be writing about for their 3rd essay. The scene in the movie on which the teacher lectured about was the same scene that Paul had already started to write about. In fact, Paul had his first draft already completed. He went to the teacher after the class to let him know that his first draft of his essay was done and that he didn't want it to look like he had copied the teacher's comments. His paper was saying the same thing. Paul asked if he needed to pick a different scene to write about. ( On a side note, Jerry had ordered this 1931 movie weeks ago so Paul could start to preview it much earlier than the class viewing, so he would have time to write his paper way before it was due.) The teacher told him that he could leave his paper as it was and that there will always be times when the teacher will be discussing the same material as a student may be writing about. The class is the history of international cinematography, with the emphasis on the shooting of the film rather than the content. Paul has been very good at seeing the symbolism and has understood that film, like music, tells a story without using words. His writing skills are more limited than before, so we proof read the essays and help him with words that would help him articulate his thoughts better. He has a dictionary/thesaurus handy and has been good about deciding what would sound better. On his 3rd essay he started emailing his papers to his brother, Jon, who is an excellent writer. Jon sent it back with suggestions on areas where Paul needed to explain in more detail or needed to organize his thoughts better. The computer does most of the spell/grammar check, so that was not needed as much. Paul spells very well, but has a limited knowledge of the meaning of words. He can use them in sentences easier than defining the words, when we drill him on different words each day. He also doesn't do as well at committing them to memory unless that is what he specifically sets out to do. With all the writing he is now doing, he doesn't spend much time on memorizing words like before. We have noticed though, that he is using better words to articulate his thoughts. Paul has received his third paper back and was given a 100%. His joy was immense and it has really helped him stay excited about the class. He has 2 more essays and an 8 page mid term and 10 page final exam left. A high mountain to climb, but Paul has been graced by God with what is needed at this time.
Like everything else in our world these days, nothing stays the same. Changes happen in an instant. Our country is experiencing some really tough changes as I write. One moment we are a stable economic power in the world and the next, we realize we are very vulnerable. We so easily start to take things for granted or get used to the patterns in our daily lives. In the whole scheme of things, we are reminded that even the most catastrophic events are just a blip on the screen in God’s universe. God uses these huge events and even the miniscule events of our personal lives to remind us of who is in charge. While I became very concerned and consumed about so many of these world events, the upcoming elections, the economy, the almost total lack of gasoline in our city, I was yanked back into my own little world once again. With all the hurricanes and other huge events going on, we had not been paying as good attention to Paul’s physical well being. It's amazing how we can get caught up in things totally out of our control and lose sight of what is in front of us. Paul has been saying his stomach/intestinal system has been upset. It has been on and off since August. He has missed a couple days of work due to his feeling poorly, but there hasn't been any other symptoms. We have been so preoccupied with his school and the world events, we didn't even notice Paul has lost 11-12 lbs.
On Sunday afternoon, Paul complained of a really bad headache. It was worse than he has had for a long time. We stayed with him late into the evening and then first thing Monday morning, he called and said his stomach really hurt. Immediately, I realized these were signs of a possible shunt malfunction. One thing that encouraged me was that his head was not aching like the day before. It was so strange to be back in the ‘emergency care mode’. After calling the doctor’s office, I realized I did not have enough gas to get to Charlotte if we needed to go. I checked on Paul and told him I would be back soon. I went in search of gas and after traveling to the next town over, I got in line and knew it was going to be almost an hour before I reached the pump. As I sat there, I was thinking about Paul and praying he would not need surgery. The words, ’hang in there Paul, I’ll be back soon’ came into my head and I started to cry. I used to say those words over and over as I would drive home from the hospital right after his accident. All those emotions came over me like a huge wave. It all felt worse when the gas station closed and I had to leave without getting gas. I was driving back towards our house because I didn’t want to leave Paul alone in case he really needed me. I was almost home and decided to go past our neighborhood to see if one of the gas stations a mile away had some gas. Amazingly, one had just opened and there were only 3 lines of cars, 4-5 cars deep. I pulled into line, thanking God for the help. I had sat there about 10 minutes, calling Jon to let him know I had found gas. Then the attendant came out to my car and told me that if I went around the building, there was an open pump on the opposite side. Out of all those people in line, he told me and it saved me some time. God is so loving and He hears us always.
As I pumped gas into the car, I talked to God about my huge concerns. I felt so overwhelmed with all the troubles in our country, my concerns about who might get elected and how it will affect us, how difficult this gas situation is, how sad I was that Paul is not well again. He got the full litany. As my gas tank filled, so was I. I was gently reminded that I am to take care of what is in my pathway. Since I don't have enough campaign funds to currently run for president, nor am I an economist by trade, I don't have a lot of imput other than to show up at the voting booth in November. Those are not my jobs to handle. It appears even those professionals haven't been able solve the problems. So, since I am a Catholic mother who is out of work on disability, I have been graced with extra time on my hands. I am to pray without ceasing for those who are in positions of leadership, pray for the graces our world needs to do God’s will, pray for my family while tending to their needs and continue to closely monitor Paul’s recovery. Pay attention to God’s promptings, Rebecca.
Paul has seen the doctor in town and they will first test for a parasite. I left a message with the neurosurgeon’s office and am waiting to hear back from them. Paul’s head was only at a pain level of 2 and his stomach still hurts today, but he went to school. Jerry took him so that I could keep my gas tank full in case we need to have the shunt tested in Charlotte. Looks like I have even more time to pray today, so I will start at the top of the litany I voiced to God yesterday.
God bless all of you in all ways. Take comfort knowing that God is still in charge, no matter what is going on in this small planet earth. Everything is truly His. Thanks be to God for that!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Right after the surgery, I was given a nerve block, (administered in my neck) to help with the pain I would experience after the surgery. I did not realize it had deadened my throat also. Later, when I tried to take a sip of water with my medicine, I choked because the water just flowed down my throat before I was able to hold it and then swallow. After I stopped choking, I immediately thought of Paul. I told Jon how awful it must be for Paul, since he still suffers a little bit with this problem. Along with not always being able to control fluids being swallowed, he can taste food only on his right side. He can smell only on his left side. So much we take for granted in our lives! When I saw Paul later in the day, he smiled and said, "And lucky you, you will get your feeling back by tomorrow." I told him I was sorry to assume I knew what it was like for him and he said that he was very glad no one in the family had to know what it is like.
He is so patient about his disabilities, yet sometimes feels very sad he looks so different. He said he misses looking normal and hopes some day there will be a young lady who will look past his facial impairments and will see who he really is. It has really started to make me very sad. We are coming up to 3 years and I do struggle sometimes with the realities with which Paul is left. I hurt for him so much. Amazingly though, God seems to bring some very bright and happy times right behind those moments. He has not forgotten, nor forsaken us. His graces continue to keep us moving forward.
Paul is enjoying college and is working very hard to do well. He had to turn in an essay a few weeks ago and on the day his 2nd essay was due, he got the first one back. He got a 65% on it, which is a D in that class. He was heartbroken. He realized after class that he probably would not do well on the second essay either, since he had not received the first one back in time to know what this professor was looking for. He started to work on the 3rd essay knowing a little more about what he needed to include. (We did not realize there would be so much writing in this class and that is exactly the kind of class we were supposed to stay away from on his first effort back in college. The low grade had Jon and me very concerned. Paul was never a strong writer, unless he was writing about music, so this class is quite a challenge for him. ) Last Tuesday, when Jerry asked Paul what his plans were for the day, Paul said jokingly, “I plan on getting a 98 on my second essay that I am getting back today.” At 11:00 he called me and told me that he actually got a 98% on his essay! He was laughing so hard and was incredulous that the day turned out exactly as he had joked about. He also said he planned on buying a lottery ticket and would win enough money so that he wouldn’t have to take anymore writing classes.
Another amazing thing that day was that they had watched a movie in class that they would be writing about for their 3rd essay. The scene in the movie on which the teacher lectured about was the same scene that Paul had already started to write about. In fact, Paul had his first draft already completed. He went to the teacher after the class to let him know that his first draft of his essay was done and that he didn't want it to look like he had copied the teacher's comments. His paper was saying the same thing. Paul asked if he needed to pick a different scene to write about. ( On a side note, Jerry had ordered this 1931 movie weeks ago so Paul could start to preview it much earlier than the class viewing, so he would have time to write his paper way before it was due.) The teacher told him that he could leave his paper as it was and that there will always be times when the teacher will be discussing the same material as a student may be writing about. The class is the history of international cinematography, with the emphasis on the shooting of the film rather than the content. Paul has been very good at seeing the symbolism and has understood that film, like music, tells a story without using words. His writing skills are more limited than before, so we proof read the essays and help him with words that would help him articulate his thoughts better. He has a dictionary/thesaurus handy and has been good about deciding what would sound better. On his 3rd essay he started emailing his papers to his brother, Jon, who is an excellent writer. Jon sent it back with suggestions on areas where Paul needed to explain in more detail or needed to organize his thoughts better. The computer does most of the spell/grammar check, so that was not needed as much. Paul spells very well, but has a limited knowledge of the meaning of words. He can use them in sentences easier than defining the words, when we drill him on different words each day. He also doesn't do as well at committing them to memory unless that is what he specifically sets out to do. With all the writing he is now doing, he doesn't spend much time on memorizing words like before. We have noticed though, that he is using better words to articulate his thoughts. Paul has received his third paper back and was given a 100%. His joy was immense and it has really helped him stay excited about the class. He has 2 more essays and an 8 page mid term and 10 page final exam left. A high mountain to climb, but Paul has been graced by God with what is needed at this time.
Like everything else in our world these days, nothing stays the same. Changes happen in an instant. Our country is experiencing some really tough changes as I write. One moment we are a stable economic power in the world and the next, we realize we are very vulnerable. We so easily start to take things for granted or get used to the patterns in our daily lives. In the whole scheme of things, we are reminded that even the most catastrophic events are just a blip on the screen in God’s universe. God uses these huge events and even the miniscule events of our personal lives to remind us of who is in charge. While I became very concerned and consumed about so many of these world events, the upcoming elections, the economy, the almost total lack of gasoline in our city, I was yanked back into my own little world once again. With all the hurricanes and other huge events going on, we had not been paying as good attention to Paul’s physical well being. It's amazing how we can get caught up in things totally out of our control and lose sight of what is in front of us. Paul has been saying his stomach/intestinal system has been upset. It has been on and off since August. He has missed a couple days of work due to his feeling poorly, but there hasn't been any other symptoms. We have been so preoccupied with his school and the world events, we didn't even notice Paul has lost 11-12 lbs.
On Sunday afternoon, Paul complained of a really bad headache. It was worse than he has had for a long time. We stayed with him late into the evening and then first thing Monday morning, he called and said his stomach really hurt. Immediately, I realized these were signs of a possible shunt malfunction. One thing that encouraged me was that his head was not aching like the day before. It was so strange to be back in the ‘emergency care mode’. After calling the doctor’s office, I realized I did not have enough gas to get to Charlotte if we needed to go. I checked on Paul and told him I would be back soon. I went in search of gas and after traveling to the next town over, I got in line and knew it was going to be almost an hour before I reached the pump. As I sat there, I was thinking about Paul and praying he would not need surgery. The words, ’hang in there Paul, I’ll be back soon’ came into my head and I started to cry. I used to say those words over and over as I would drive home from the hospital right after his accident. All those emotions came over me like a huge wave. It all felt worse when the gas station closed and I had to leave without getting gas. I was driving back towards our house because I didn’t want to leave Paul alone in case he really needed me. I was almost home and decided to go past our neighborhood to see if one of the gas stations a mile away had some gas. Amazingly, one had just opened and there were only 3 lines of cars, 4-5 cars deep. I pulled into line, thanking God for the help. I had sat there about 10 minutes, calling Jon to let him know I had found gas. Then the attendant came out to my car and told me that if I went around the building, there was an open pump on the opposite side. Out of all those people in line, he told me and it saved me some time. God is so loving and He hears us always.
As I pumped gas into the car, I talked to God about my huge concerns. I felt so overwhelmed with all the troubles in our country, my concerns about who might get elected and how it will affect us, how difficult this gas situation is, how sad I was that Paul is not well again. He got the full litany. As my gas tank filled, so was I. I was gently reminded that I am to take care of what is in my pathway. Since I don't have enough campaign funds to currently run for president, nor am I an economist by trade, I don't have a lot of imput other than to show up at the voting booth in November. Those are not my jobs to handle. It appears even those professionals haven't been able solve the problems. So, since I am a Catholic mother who is out of work on disability, I have been graced with extra time on my hands. I am to pray without ceasing for those who are in positions of leadership, pray for the graces our world needs to do God’s will, pray for my family while tending to their needs and continue to closely monitor Paul’s recovery. Pay attention to God’s promptings, Rebecca.
Paul has seen the doctor in town and they will first test for a parasite. I left a message with the neurosurgeon’s office and am waiting to hear back from them. Paul’s head was only at a pain level of 2 and his stomach still hurts today, but he went to school. Jerry took him so that I could keep my gas tank full in case we need to have the shunt tested in Charlotte. Looks like I have even more time to pray today, so I will start at the top of the litany I voiced to God yesterday.
God bless all of you in all ways. Take comfort knowing that God is still in charge, no matter what is going on in this small planet earth. Everything is truly His. Thanks be to God for that!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
ATTENTION!
QUANTICO, VA
GRADUATION WEEKEND
JAMES FIDERO
USMC OFFICER CANDIDATE SCHOOL
FIRST HUG IN 12 WEEKS!
50TH HUG!
Paul, James, Jon,
Aunt Mary Beth, James
and his newly adopted
brother, Darvy!
Michael gets a joyous hug from
his Godmother, Aunt Mary Beth.
James and his brothers
checking out the USMC
national museum. Very
awesome place.
James ( in the middle)
about to take his oath
at the graduation
ceremony. No going
back after this point!
Group hug from
his brothers.
A very happpy moment
in our lives.
God is so good.
Jon could not have been
more proud of James
and this says it all.
James said he was able
to complete the extremely
tough course because he
wanted to make his dad
proud of him. Mission
accomplished James.
Time for everyone to
pin on a gold bar on
James, to show his officer
level - 2nd Lt.
Shining those gold bars!
Jon looks like a marine with
his haircut. He liked the
cost of the cut at the base - $7.00!
James and Jon Augustine
(who had on a marine t-shirt)
role in keeping James' morale
up. They visited him on
weekends, which helped so
much.
2nd Lt James Fidero
James ready to get some R & R off
base! Paul is so proud of his little
brother and sent him letters
brother and sent him letters
encouraging him to keep himself
centered in Jesus. If it was God's
will, he would find the grace to
finish. God's will be done.
centered in Jesus. If it was God's
will, he would find the grace to
finish. God's will be done.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Summer's End
Summer's End, but new beginnings.
I cannot believe it is the end of August.
I have wanted to write so often during this Summer, but have been so busy the time has slipped away from me. I am sorry I have abandoned this blog. Truly I am. A lot has happened in these last 3 months, so I will go back and catch everyone up. I have to admit that I have missed writing more than you will know. Our lives have been filled to the brim all during the Summer. Apparently, we are back to ‘normal’.
We just got back from Quantico, Virginia, where we attended the graduation / commissioning ceremony of James into the Marine Corp. Along with the news of the graduation, the other big news is that Paul flew for the first time since the accident. He was cleared for take off !
It was a very long 10 weeks for James and also for us. He was allowed to talk to us on weekends, and each week brought more news of the tough struggle he was experiencing. Each week he told us he knew this was what he really wanted to do, but he was not sure they wanted him. It is a very grueling program that challenged him physically, academically and mentally and where 40% of the candidates left on their own, or were asked to leave the program. I prayed often and with great fervency that if it was God’s will, James would be able to complete the program. It was his dream since grade school, where he spent hours and hours drawing tanks, airplanes and battle scenes. While I don’t relish the thought of my son going into battle, I prayed that if it was God’s will, then so be it. I have read recently about Pope Benedict’s writings about how we, as the laity of the church, are to take Jesus with us into our workplaces, no matter where that is. The work of the laity is not just within the church, but more importantly, out in the world. Jesus went out into the world and he sent his apostles out into the world, to bring glory to God our Father. I spent this Summer praying that all my sons would be led to their highest good, no matter the path. It is a prayer I will continue to my dying day.
We all worked long and hard hours this Summer , but Michael won the award for most hours worked. He put in 79 hour weeks, with only one weekend off. He had set a goal to make a certain amount of money so he would have enough to pay for school and also not have to work during the Fall semester. He is on the cross country team and will be putting in long hours training and studying. He attained his goal and like James, is about 15 lbs. lighter! Wish I could say the same…………….
Paul has continued improving in many ways. He is so much better about remembering what needs to be done and is taking care of his own needs. At the beginning of the Summer, we started to let Paul drive around town to help improve his driving skills. He was going to be tested at the end of July by Shepherd Center. He was really looking forward to gaining more independence. I was a tough critic, as I didn’t want him back out on the road when he wasn’t fully prepared or capable. He was patient with all my instructions and remembered things I told him each day. That is what I was most impressed with - his remembering so many things from day to day. His brain really does seem to keep improving.
Jon took him to the eye doctor to get his permission for Paul to continue the testing process. We were told that Paul’s cornea has some damage, although it is very minor. It has affected his vision and so Paul now is wearing glasses. It is serving a more important purpose and that is the protection of his eye. Paul got glasses that will darken once he is outside. That way, he doesn’t need to keep up with sunglasses. His pupil in his left eye is permanently dilated, so that is why he is so sensitive to the sun. These new glasses look great and he has enjoyed all the compliments he’s received!
Paul was tested in depth before he was allowed to drive. He scored in the normal range on all of them. He was taken out to drive and since Shepherd is in downtown Atlanta, that is where the driving test occurred. He had to drive their car, which as a Grand Marquis. Paul drove for an hour on the city streets and the freeway. After his driving test, the counselor went over the results with Paul and Jon. She said that she feels Paul’s vision is a hindrance and that he seemed ‘rusty’. Not exactly rocket science……………we know why! She said she was not failing him, but she was not passing him either. She said he would be tested again, and if he could not pass, would have to work through a vocational program to regain his ability to drive. Jon and I have watched Paul drive and felt she was very critical in her assessment. Also, she said she would see if the doctor would allow Paul to practice as long as we were in the car. She said she didn’t think he should do that and that he should sit as a passenger and observe us driving. I unfortunately was not there. I would have responded that no one becomes a better tennis player by watching! It is not that I am looking forward to seeing Paul drive again. I am very frightened at the prospect - it is a natural response after what we have been through. But I have driven with Paul a lot and he does very well. I w ill readily admit he was not ready for downtown driving and freeway driving, and in a Grand Marquis! I would not have driven well in a Grand Marquis! Our downtown streets are very narrow and Jon and I both hate driving there. One reason we wanted to help Paul get permission to drive was for him to be able to drive the 4 miles to work and back. There is a bus stop a block from his office and he could have used it to get to his class on Tuesday and Thursday. The bus goes near the university downtown and it would have been the perfect way for him to get to school and work. He was looking so forward to the freedom of getting to work and to go to the store for his personal things. I prayed that if it was truly safe, that it would happen.
And we got our answer. Paul has been very disappointed and was actually depressed for days afterward. We are looking for a psychologist to help Paul work through some of the emotions this has brought about. He has finally gained more awareness about his disabilities and has started to talk about his appearance and how it makes him feel. While I don’t want him to suffer from it, I know that it is progress for him. He hasn’t really talked a lot about the way his face looks. Now he does. He talks about that and also how he wants his constant headache to go away and he wants his eyelid to blink again and he wants to look normal. He said he wonders why God didn’t just bring him home. His brain is healing and his awareness is awakening. There is a tough road ahead. But I have to believe that God will help him and we will work diligently to find the help he will need to work through all those emotions that are surfacing.
If anyone is still reading this, please pray for his continued strength to accept the pathway God has set before him. It has been a long walk and he is coming to some forks in the road.
We will continue to get the help he needs to regain some independence in driving. We at least will fight to keep him driving while we are with him. That is the only way he will keep up his skills. We would like to see the doctor give him permission to drive within a 5 mile radius. That would get him anywhere he would really need to go. I will leave it in God’s hands and His time. As always. We are helping Paul understand and accept that God knows best. He does not need to be driving before he is truly ready. Oh, that virtue patience…………………….hard, hard, hard to attain.
Paul started classes at GA State University and I took him his first day. I told him I was going to walk way behind him, as I wanted to see how he would make his way around, but not be an embarrassment to him. He said he didn’t mind me being there at all, but I told him that it was good for him to just jump in and do what he wanted. He knew I was near if he needed help, but that he was on his own to handle the day. He remembered to give his disability paperwork to the professor right after class. He took notes during the class and was able to talk about what the professor said. He remembered so much and even noticed things I did not. Paul has always noticed the very small details and that is still his way. He knew the way to the Marta station, where he bought a month’s pass so he can use the railway system to get to school. It is a lot farther for us to drive to get him there and back, but it will work for him. He found the bookstore and purchased his textbooks. As he was walking back to our car, he saw someone he knew. It was Rudy. They met through the Catholic Youth Ministry on campus and had traveled to Steubenville University to hear Scott Hahn speak. Rudy recognized Paul right away and when Paul asked him if he remembered him, Rudy said yes and told him he had come to visit him while he was in a coma. Rudy told him too, that he had so many people praying for him. Paul said, “Well, it looks like they helped.” They talked for a bit and Rudy reminded Paul that Mass was at 12:15 every day in the student union. Paul continued to make his way around campus and remembered where everything was. His spirits were very high and he was having a great time. On our way home, he was very talkative and excited about being back at school. The disappointment of not being able to drive seemed to diminish greatly. Paul had a new experience and he was happy to see some of his normal life come back. There was a young lady who came up to him and told him that she new his brother Michael and asked him if he was the brother who had had the accident. I stood back and let them talk. On our way home, I told Paul that she had mentioned a couple of times that she lived with her parents in Lilburn and he looked at me and said, “ I should have asked her her name! She lives near us. C’mon Paul, where’s your head at ?”
We went over the textbooks with Paul and I talked to Jon in private about how this was going to be a tough class for Paul. It was exactly the kind of class we were told he should avoid on his first attempt at school. It was going to require a lot of reading and writing a number of papers. He would be required to contact principals of schools to get permission to sit in on 2 different classes with 2 different teachers and observe the teaching methods and then write his critique. Jon talked to Paul about it and he said he was a little worried about it. Jon said he would help him and they started to review the coursework. The books used were from an extremely liberal bias and Paul started to realize how slanted the perspective was. Both he and Jon started to realize the agenda the books were promoting and Jon told Paul that while he thought a teaching degree was awesome, Paul should really think about getting one from a Catholic university. The more they talked, the more Jon felt this class was totally an inappropriate perspective. Paul agreed and said that if he were to stay true to his faith background and wrote his answers that way, he would be sure to fail.
I looked over the material and was appalled at the extreme slant of these textbooks. While we are to take Jesus out into our world and try to bring the Glory to God, this is not the time for Paul to battle an extremely liberal agenda. He spent the rest of that evening and the next finding another class. We told him to do the research and we were there for help if he needed it. He found a class he can use as an elective in his degree program. He chose a class on the introduction of Film techniques that contrasts the different styles of directors worldwide. Paul changed out the classes online and attended class alone on Thursday. He was able to exchange his textbooks and did not lose any money. He also updated his student ID card and tried to find his new textbook. He called to tell me to try to find it on Half.com as the bookstore was sold out. He also told me he had met up with a room mate from his freshman year! His friend had joined the Air Force and was now back at school after serving the time. They had lunch and went back to the new dorms so Paul could see them. Paul was down at school from 7:45 AM until 3:30 PM! He did not call me other than to say he needed me to find the book if I could. He had a terrific day and was able to tell us in detail all that the teacher had talked about. I had ordered his textbook and had it overnighted since Paul had 60 pages to read by Tuesday. As of tonight, he had read them. He has written notes and is ready for class. He was telling Jon and me that he was talking to his best friend, Jonathan, and told him about the class. He said he joked around about how he decided to “bite the bullet and tackle school again by taking a solid 3 unit class …….yep, I am handling a full load!” Paul’s humor is still with him and we enjoy it immensely.
As the school semester begins, I am going to get back to my blog. I feel like God blessed me with this gift of writing down my thoughts and I derive so much joy from it. I have had so many moments where I wanted to share what I heard and saw, moments where I could connect the happenings of the day to God’s love and mercy. Thanks be to God, I have had this time tonight.
For anyone who ever checks back to this site again, know that I am praying for you always. I will carry all the prayer warriors in my heart every day I live.
Peace always, in our loving Savior, Jesus Christ.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
As always, pictures will follow. So many great ones to share!
I cannot believe it is the end of August.
I have wanted to write so often during this Summer, but have been so busy the time has slipped away from me. I am sorry I have abandoned this blog. Truly I am. A lot has happened in these last 3 months, so I will go back and catch everyone up. I have to admit that I have missed writing more than you will know. Our lives have been filled to the brim all during the Summer. Apparently, we are back to ‘normal’.
We just got back from Quantico, Virginia, where we attended the graduation / commissioning ceremony of James into the Marine Corp. Along with the news of the graduation, the other big news is that Paul flew for the first time since the accident. He was cleared for take off !
It was a very long 10 weeks for James and also for us. He was allowed to talk to us on weekends, and each week brought more news of the tough struggle he was experiencing. Each week he told us he knew this was what he really wanted to do, but he was not sure they wanted him. It is a very grueling program that challenged him physically, academically and mentally and where 40% of the candidates left on their own, or were asked to leave the program. I prayed often and with great fervency that if it was God’s will, James would be able to complete the program. It was his dream since grade school, where he spent hours and hours drawing tanks, airplanes and battle scenes. While I don’t relish the thought of my son going into battle, I prayed that if it was God’s will, then so be it. I have read recently about Pope Benedict’s writings about how we, as the laity of the church, are to take Jesus with us into our workplaces, no matter where that is. The work of the laity is not just within the church, but more importantly, out in the world. Jesus went out into the world and he sent his apostles out into the world, to bring glory to God our Father. I spent this Summer praying that all my sons would be led to their highest good, no matter the path. It is a prayer I will continue to my dying day.
We all worked long and hard hours this Summer , but Michael won the award for most hours worked. He put in 79 hour weeks, with only one weekend off. He had set a goal to make a certain amount of money so he would have enough to pay for school and also not have to work during the Fall semester. He is on the cross country team and will be putting in long hours training and studying. He attained his goal and like James, is about 15 lbs. lighter! Wish I could say the same…………….
Paul has continued improving in many ways. He is so much better about remembering what needs to be done and is taking care of his own needs. At the beginning of the Summer, we started to let Paul drive around town to help improve his driving skills. He was going to be tested at the end of July by Shepherd Center. He was really looking forward to gaining more independence. I was a tough critic, as I didn’t want him back out on the road when he wasn’t fully prepared or capable. He was patient with all my instructions and remembered things I told him each day. That is what I was most impressed with - his remembering so many things from day to day. His brain really does seem to keep improving.
Jon took him to the eye doctor to get his permission for Paul to continue the testing process. We were told that Paul’s cornea has some damage, although it is very minor. It has affected his vision and so Paul now is wearing glasses. It is serving a more important purpose and that is the protection of his eye. Paul got glasses that will darken once he is outside. That way, he doesn’t need to keep up with sunglasses. His pupil in his left eye is permanently dilated, so that is why he is so sensitive to the sun. These new glasses look great and he has enjoyed all the compliments he’s received!
Paul was tested in depth before he was allowed to drive. He scored in the normal range on all of them. He was taken out to drive and since Shepherd is in downtown Atlanta, that is where the driving test occurred. He had to drive their car, which as a Grand Marquis. Paul drove for an hour on the city streets and the freeway. After his driving test, the counselor went over the results with Paul and Jon. She said that she feels Paul’s vision is a hindrance and that he seemed ‘rusty’. Not exactly rocket science……………we know why! She said she was not failing him, but she was not passing him either. She said he would be tested again, and if he could not pass, would have to work through a vocational program to regain his ability to drive. Jon and I have watched Paul drive and felt she was very critical in her assessment. Also, she said she would see if the doctor would allow Paul to practice as long as we were in the car. She said she didn’t think he should do that and that he should sit as a passenger and observe us driving. I unfortunately was not there. I would have responded that no one becomes a better tennis player by watching! It is not that I am looking forward to seeing Paul drive again. I am very frightened at the prospect - it is a natural response after what we have been through. But I have driven with Paul a lot and he does very well. I w ill readily admit he was not ready for downtown driving and freeway driving, and in a Grand Marquis! I would not have driven well in a Grand Marquis! Our downtown streets are very narrow and Jon and I both hate driving there. One reason we wanted to help Paul get permission to drive was for him to be able to drive the 4 miles to work and back. There is a bus stop a block from his office and he could have used it to get to his class on Tuesday and Thursday. The bus goes near the university downtown and it would have been the perfect way for him to get to school and work. He was looking so forward to the freedom of getting to work and to go to the store for his personal things. I prayed that if it was truly safe, that it would happen.
And we got our answer. Paul has been very disappointed and was actually depressed for days afterward. We are looking for a psychologist to help Paul work through some of the emotions this has brought about. He has finally gained more awareness about his disabilities and has started to talk about his appearance and how it makes him feel. While I don’t want him to suffer from it, I know that it is progress for him. He hasn’t really talked a lot about the way his face looks. Now he does. He talks about that and also how he wants his constant headache to go away and he wants his eyelid to blink again and he wants to look normal. He said he wonders why God didn’t just bring him home. His brain is healing and his awareness is awakening. There is a tough road ahead. But I have to believe that God will help him and we will work diligently to find the help he will need to work through all those emotions that are surfacing.
If anyone is still reading this, please pray for his continued strength to accept the pathway God has set before him. It has been a long walk and he is coming to some forks in the road.
We will continue to get the help he needs to regain some independence in driving. We at least will fight to keep him driving while we are with him. That is the only way he will keep up his skills. We would like to see the doctor give him permission to drive within a 5 mile radius. That would get him anywhere he would really need to go. I will leave it in God’s hands and His time. As always. We are helping Paul understand and accept that God knows best. He does not need to be driving before he is truly ready. Oh, that virtue patience…………………….hard, hard, hard to attain.
Paul started classes at GA State University and I took him his first day. I told him I was going to walk way behind him, as I wanted to see how he would make his way around, but not be an embarrassment to him. He said he didn’t mind me being there at all, but I told him that it was good for him to just jump in and do what he wanted. He knew I was near if he needed help, but that he was on his own to handle the day. He remembered to give his disability paperwork to the professor right after class. He took notes during the class and was able to talk about what the professor said. He remembered so much and even noticed things I did not. Paul has always noticed the very small details and that is still his way. He knew the way to the Marta station, where he bought a month’s pass so he can use the railway system to get to school. It is a lot farther for us to drive to get him there and back, but it will work for him. He found the bookstore and purchased his textbooks. As he was walking back to our car, he saw someone he knew. It was Rudy. They met through the Catholic Youth Ministry on campus and had traveled to Steubenville University to hear Scott Hahn speak. Rudy recognized Paul right away and when Paul asked him if he remembered him, Rudy said yes and told him he had come to visit him while he was in a coma. Rudy told him too, that he had so many people praying for him. Paul said, “Well, it looks like they helped.” They talked for a bit and Rudy reminded Paul that Mass was at 12:15 every day in the student union. Paul continued to make his way around campus and remembered where everything was. His spirits were very high and he was having a great time. On our way home, he was very talkative and excited about being back at school. The disappointment of not being able to drive seemed to diminish greatly. Paul had a new experience and he was happy to see some of his normal life come back. There was a young lady who came up to him and told him that she new his brother Michael and asked him if he was the brother who had had the accident. I stood back and let them talk. On our way home, I told Paul that she had mentioned a couple of times that she lived with her parents in Lilburn and he looked at me and said, “ I should have asked her her name! She lives near us. C’mon Paul, where’s your head at ?”
We went over the textbooks with Paul and I talked to Jon in private about how this was going to be a tough class for Paul. It was exactly the kind of class we were told he should avoid on his first attempt at school. It was going to require a lot of reading and writing a number of papers. He would be required to contact principals of schools to get permission to sit in on 2 different classes with 2 different teachers and observe the teaching methods and then write his critique. Jon talked to Paul about it and he said he was a little worried about it. Jon said he would help him and they started to review the coursework. The books used were from an extremely liberal bias and Paul started to realize how slanted the perspective was. Both he and Jon started to realize the agenda the books were promoting and Jon told Paul that while he thought a teaching degree was awesome, Paul should really think about getting one from a Catholic university. The more they talked, the more Jon felt this class was totally an inappropriate perspective. Paul agreed and said that if he were to stay true to his faith background and wrote his answers that way, he would be sure to fail.
I looked over the material and was appalled at the extreme slant of these textbooks. While we are to take Jesus out into our world and try to bring the Glory to God, this is not the time for Paul to battle an extremely liberal agenda. He spent the rest of that evening and the next finding another class. We told him to do the research and we were there for help if he needed it. He found a class he can use as an elective in his degree program. He chose a class on the introduction of Film techniques that contrasts the different styles of directors worldwide. Paul changed out the classes online and attended class alone on Thursday. He was able to exchange his textbooks and did not lose any money. He also updated his student ID card and tried to find his new textbook. He called to tell me to try to find it on Half.com as the bookstore was sold out. He also told me he had met up with a room mate from his freshman year! His friend had joined the Air Force and was now back at school after serving the time. They had lunch and went back to the new dorms so Paul could see them. Paul was down at school from 7:45 AM until 3:30 PM! He did not call me other than to say he needed me to find the book if I could. He had a terrific day and was able to tell us in detail all that the teacher had talked about. I had ordered his textbook and had it overnighted since Paul had 60 pages to read by Tuesday. As of tonight, he had read them. He has written notes and is ready for class. He was telling Jon and me that he was talking to his best friend, Jonathan, and told him about the class. He said he joked around about how he decided to “bite the bullet and tackle school again by taking a solid 3 unit class …….yep, I am handling a full load!” Paul’s humor is still with him and we enjoy it immensely.
As the school semester begins, I am going to get back to my blog. I feel like God blessed me with this gift of writing down my thoughts and I derive so much joy from it. I have had so many moments where I wanted to share what I heard and saw, moments where I could connect the happenings of the day to God’s love and mercy. Thanks be to God, I have had this time tonight.
For anyone who ever checks back to this site again, know that I am praying for you always. I will carry all the prayer warriors in my heart every day I live.
Peace always, in our loving Savior, Jesus Christ.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
As always, pictures will follow. So many great ones to share!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Ave Maria Graduation Day Pictures
Paul was playing his guitar and
was very absorbed in it. He is
playing just about as well as he
used to. He enjoys his electric guitars
a lot more than his classical -
he will play for long periods of
time without even knowing someone
is in the room. I thank God he still
has his talent. It is a wonderful gift.
Jon and his son, Jon
There was lots of laughter and jokingaround as we all got ready to go
to the graduation. James and Paul
were in high gear, just like so many
times before. It was a very
memorable time for me, so
I had to grab the camera to capture
another one.
Marie, Jon and JamesI know I am correct when I
say that Marie played a very
important role in helping James
graduate from Ave Maria. She is
his friend, a big sister and a great
counselor. She has been and continues
to be there for him. She is a blessing
to our family!
Not too anxious to leave....................James is entering Officer Candidate
School (Marines) this Thursday, 5/29
at 3:00 PM. That will be the Divine
Mercy Hour - Icould not have planned
it better myself!
How I love my sons!
Jon and his 4 sons
He could not have been
any more proud of them
than he was that day!
Jon, Paul and Dr. Dauphinais,
AssociateProfessor of Theology
and Dean of Faculty. He told us that a couple of his
relatives read the blog (surprised me!)
We sat with him at lunch - we were filled with far greater
knowledge, along with delicious food!
It was an immensely enjoyable
time.
Marie, baby Jon, Jon, Fr. Fessio
and Paul. We will always consider
it an honor to have met Fr. Fessio.
He is a wonderful and holy priest-
a true blessing to the students at
Ave Maria.
All of us after the graduation
It was one of the warmest days
ever! I know the graduates were
roasting in their cap and gowns!
These bricks were purchased by Jon and Marie
(ours was a gift!) and are about 20 feet outside
the front doors of the church, not very far from
each other. It brought great jot to see these.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Ain't No Mountain High Enough
On May 9th, we witnessed an event that could be termed 'Full Circle'.
This story began on 11/11/05, as you all know. Word got out very quickly that we needed prayers. Lots of prayers -for strength to endure, for great trust in God, for understanding, for hope, and for Paul's life. What amazed us immediately was the response to our calls for prayers.
God blessed our family with a connection to Ave Maria University through our sons, Jon and James. The students and faculty immediately began praying and Masses were said for our intentions. We heard that friends of James made posters that were put up in doorways around the campus that said "Got 5 minutes? Pray for Paul Fidero's life" and "Pray for John Paul's intercession for a miracle. It will take a miracle to save Paul Fidero's life." There was a prayer that was written by some students and it was a prayer to Pope John Paul II, asking for his prayerful intercession. It was placed in the Adoration Chapel so that anyone who was there would be praying for Paul. These students also had a sign up sheet for anyone who could spend an hour in the Adoration Chapel, in prayer for Paul and we heard that it was filled up with names immediately. We had 24 hour prayers being said for Paul and our family. It was the knowledge of this outpouring of love through prayer, that held up our faith and trust in God. No matter what happened, we knew God would be there.
Fast forward to May 9th, 2008. Jon, Paul and I were sitting in the new church on the new campus of Ave Maria University. We were waiting for the Baccalaureate Mass to begin. We had arrived on campus about an hour early so we could see this beautiful town of Ave Maria. We made our way to the church and sat down to wait. (A real miracle was that we actually got there with so much time to spare. Anyone who knows us can vouch that we are always 10 minutes late to everything!) I was glad we got there early so that I could spend some quiet time in prayer. After about 15 minutes, a woman came up and asked us if we could help her put out the programs in the first section of pews, which were reserved for the students and faculty. She said she was running very late and really needed some help. After we were finished, she asked us our names and when we told her, she stepped back and looked up at Paul. She told him she knew who he was and that she knew his brothers, James and Jon. She said she was happy to meet him and glad to see he was doing so well.
We took our seats and continued to wait for the Mass to begin. About a half hour later, my son Jon, his wife Marie and our beautiful grandson came and sat by us. I had not seen them since Jon Augustine's Baptism in January, so of course, this was a joyous moment for me. I was so overwhelmed with the knowledge that all my family was around me and we were so blessed to be celebrating so many things in that weekend. It was my son Jon's birthday, James was graduating and it was also Mother's Day on Sunday. To say I was joyous would be an understatement! The graduating class processed in and Mass began. It was after I received the Body of Christ and I was praising God for all the gifts I was receiving, that the next thought came into my head. It was THIS graduating class, these friends of James, who put up all the posters for Paul, who got the message out to people all over the country and other countries through family and friends, who organized 24 hour prayers for our family! And on this day, Paul had been asked to place their programs on their pews - he was able to take a tiny part in helping to celebrate a very special day in their lives! Coincidence that we got to the church an hour early? Coincidence that Mercedes asked Paul, Jon and I to help? Coincidence that Paul touched the programs they would hold in their hands? As my daughter in law, Marie, said so long ago - "Coincidence? I think not. It is GODINCIDENCE!"
As this realization came to mind, the tears literally poured down my cheeks. I had brought some tissues, but it became clearly evident I did not bring enough! The boys were giving me funny looks, wondering what was wrong with me! I have tears in my eyes just remembering that day, as I sit here and write. I remember looking out at those bright young faces, at the parents who raised these incredible young men and women and the holy priests who had helped prepare my sons for this world and I wanted to shout out "I love you and I thank you." I know James and my family are greatly relieved that I did not do that..............smile.
BUT FOR EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS BLOG -
I LOVE YOU AND I THANK YOU!!
We reached that milestone on the pathway of your prayers and through the Grace of God.
While we were at Ave Maria, I got to meet the parents of Racheal Dunleavy, who have written so many uplifting comments on the blog and Anne Shea. I was also very blessed to meet the Kilian Family. Their daughter Shannon and another young lady (I am sorry I don't know her name) drove up from Florida a few days after the accident, to pick up James and take him back to school so he could take his exams. It is a 9-10 hour drive and they drove up, then turned around and drove back. It was a great act of kindness and sacrifice. This also was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between James and Shannon. While they continue to discern God's will in their lives, they are pursuing their careers with the FBI (Shannon was accepted into an internship) and U.S. Marines (James begins Officer Candidate School 5/29).
We also got to speak with Fr. Fessio, who was a spiritual advisor to us through our son Jon. When we were being advised by the medical team to let Paul die peacefully and not put in the trach-tube, Jon had asked Fr. Fessio for his advice and he told us that it was way too soon to be making those kinds of decisions and to proceed with all the life supporting helps Paul needed. We were standing outside of the church, recounting how the doctor told us there was less than 1% chance of hope and how I had blessed and prayed for the doctor behind his back as I followed him into the room, asking Jesus to open his heart. I told Fr. Fessio that this was the very doctor who found Paul awake the day after Thanksgiving. It was exactly 2 weeks after his accident. The nurses told us the doctor was so surprised and he had had tears in his eyes when he realized Paul had come out of his coma. Fr. Fessio listened and as he looked at Paul, he too had to wipe tears away. We thanked him for his trust in God and his holy counsel to our family.
Interestingly, the gospel on the day of the Baccalaureate Mass was from the Gospel of John 21:15-19. I have remembered this scripture passage many times over after hearing Fr. Sudac (from Croatia) speak about it. It is where Jesus asks Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?' Simon Peter answered him, 'Yes, Lord, You know that I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed my lambs." Jesus asks Peter 3 times if he loves him and 3 times, Peter answers, "Yes Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus does not reprimand Peter for denying Him 3 times before His Crucifixion. Instead, Jesus asks him 3 times if Peter loves Him.
In our of our failings and sinfulness, Jesus really wants to know, "Do you love me?" If we say yes, it means we understand we belong to Jesus and He in turn will say again, "Follow me". We are being asked to stay close to Him, to learn from Him. We cannot be perfect as He is perfect. But we can work hard to love Him, the Trust in Him, to FOLLOW HIM.
The Way of Jesus will take us to Calvary. It is through prayer that we have our hope that we will persevere and not deny Him. It is through prayer that when we fall, we will continue to get back up and Follow Him.
It is through the shared prayers we have for each other that we have the hope of seeing each other in heaven some day. It is through the shared prayers for each other that there is truly no mountain high enough, to keep us from Loving HIM.
God's great peace and blessing to all of you.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
(It was taking too long to get the pictures downloaded for this posting - I have to get to work! I will get them on tonight. Thanks for your patience!)
This story began on 11/11/05, as you all know. Word got out very quickly that we needed prayers. Lots of prayers -for strength to endure, for great trust in God, for understanding, for hope, and for Paul's life. What amazed us immediately was the response to our calls for prayers.
God blessed our family with a connection to Ave Maria University through our sons, Jon and James. The students and faculty immediately began praying and Masses were said for our intentions. We heard that friends of James made posters that were put up in doorways around the campus that said "Got 5 minutes? Pray for Paul Fidero's life" and "Pray for John Paul's intercession for a miracle. It will take a miracle to save Paul Fidero's life." There was a prayer that was written by some students and it was a prayer to Pope John Paul II, asking for his prayerful intercession. It was placed in the Adoration Chapel so that anyone who was there would be praying for Paul. These students also had a sign up sheet for anyone who could spend an hour in the Adoration Chapel, in prayer for Paul and we heard that it was filled up with names immediately. We had 24 hour prayers being said for Paul and our family. It was the knowledge of this outpouring of love through prayer, that held up our faith and trust in God. No matter what happened, we knew God would be there.
Fast forward to May 9th, 2008. Jon, Paul and I were sitting in the new church on the new campus of Ave Maria University. We were waiting for the Baccalaureate Mass to begin. We had arrived on campus about an hour early so we could see this beautiful town of Ave Maria. We made our way to the church and sat down to wait. (A real miracle was that we actually got there with so much time to spare. Anyone who knows us can vouch that we are always 10 minutes late to everything!) I was glad we got there early so that I could spend some quiet time in prayer. After about 15 minutes, a woman came up and asked us if we could help her put out the programs in the first section of pews, which were reserved for the students and faculty. She said she was running very late and really needed some help. After we were finished, she asked us our names and when we told her, she stepped back and looked up at Paul. She told him she knew who he was and that she knew his brothers, James and Jon. She said she was happy to meet him and glad to see he was doing so well.
We took our seats and continued to wait for the Mass to begin. About a half hour later, my son Jon, his wife Marie and our beautiful grandson came and sat by us. I had not seen them since Jon Augustine's Baptism in January, so of course, this was a joyous moment for me. I was so overwhelmed with the knowledge that all my family was around me and we were so blessed to be celebrating so many things in that weekend. It was my son Jon's birthday, James was graduating and it was also Mother's Day on Sunday. To say I was joyous would be an understatement! The graduating class processed in and Mass began. It was after I received the Body of Christ and I was praising God for all the gifts I was receiving, that the next thought came into my head. It was THIS graduating class, these friends of James, who put up all the posters for Paul, who got the message out to people all over the country and other countries through family and friends, who organized 24 hour prayers for our family! And on this day, Paul had been asked to place their programs on their pews - he was able to take a tiny part in helping to celebrate a very special day in their lives! Coincidence that we got to the church an hour early? Coincidence that Mercedes asked Paul, Jon and I to help? Coincidence that Paul touched the programs they would hold in their hands? As my daughter in law, Marie, said so long ago - "Coincidence? I think not. It is GODINCIDENCE!"
As this realization came to mind, the tears literally poured down my cheeks. I had brought some tissues, but it became clearly evident I did not bring enough! The boys were giving me funny looks, wondering what was wrong with me! I have tears in my eyes just remembering that day, as I sit here and write. I remember looking out at those bright young faces, at the parents who raised these incredible young men and women and the holy priests who had helped prepare my sons for this world and I wanted to shout out "I love you and I thank you." I know James and my family are greatly relieved that I did not do that..............smile.
BUT FOR EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS BLOG -
I LOVE YOU AND I THANK YOU!!
We reached that milestone on the pathway of your prayers and through the Grace of God.
While we were at Ave Maria, I got to meet the parents of Racheal Dunleavy, who have written so many uplifting comments on the blog and Anne Shea. I was also very blessed to meet the Kilian Family. Their daughter Shannon and another young lady (I am sorry I don't know her name) drove up from Florida a few days after the accident, to pick up James and take him back to school so he could take his exams. It is a 9-10 hour drive and they drove up, then turned around and drove back. It was a great act of kindness and sacrifice. This also was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between James and Shannon. While they continue to discern God's will in their lives, they are pursuing their careers with the FBI (Shannon was accepted into an internship) and U.S. Marines (James begins Officer Candidate School 5/29).
We also got to speak with Fr. Fessio, who was a spiritual advisor to us through our son Jon. When we were being advised by the medical team to let Paul die peacefully and not put in the trach-tube, Jon had asked Fr. Fessio for his advice and he told us that it was way too soon to be making those kinds of decisions and to proceed with all the life supporting helps Paul needed. We were standing outside of the church, recounting how the doctor told us there was less than 1% chance of hope and how I had blessed and prayed for the doctor behind his back as I followed him into the room, asking Jesus to open his heart. I told Fr. Fessio that this was the very doctor who found Paul awake the day after Thanksgiving. It was exactly 2 weeks after his accident. The nurses told us the doctor was so surprised and he had had tears in his eyes when he realized Paul had come out of his coma. Fr. Fessio listened and as he looked at Paul, he too had to wipe tears away. We thanked him for his trust in God and his holy counsel to our family.
Interestingly, the gospel on the day of the Baccalaureate Mass was from the Gospel of John 21:15-19. I have remembered this scripture passage many times over after hearing Fr. Sudac (from Croatia) speak about it. It is where Jesus asks Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?' Simon Peter answered him, 'Yes, Lord, You know that I love you.' Jesus said to him, 'Feed my lambs." Jesus asks Peter 3 times if he loves him and 3 times, Peter answers, "Yes Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus does not reprimand Peter for denying Him 3 times before His Crucifixion. Instead, Jesus asks him 3 times if Peter loves Him.
In our of our failings and sinfulness, Jesus really wants to know, "Do you love me?" If we say yes, it means we understand we belong to Jesus and He in turn will say again, "Follow me". We are being asked to stay close to Him, to learn from Him. We cannot be perfect as He is perfect. But we can work hard to love Him, the Trust in Him, to FOLLOW HIM.
The Way of Jesus will take us to Calvary. It is through prayer that we have our hope that we will persevere and not deny Him. It is through prayer that when we fall, we will continue to get back up and Follow Him.
It is through the shared prayers we have for each other that we have the hope of seeing each other in heaven some day. It is through the shared prayers for each other that there is truly no mountain high enough, to keep us from Loving HIM.
God's great peace and blessing to all of you.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
(It was taking too long to get the pictures downloaded for this posting - I have to get to work! I will get them on tonight. Thanks for your patience!)
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
On The Border
I will preface this by saying I may have shared this story before, but I feel it is even more relevant today.
When I was 23 years old, I was living in Houston, TX. I was not attending Mass very much and not surprisingly, felt very aimless and undecided about what I wanted to do with my life. Some friends had moved to LaJolla, California and told me how beautiful it was there. I had always wanted to move back out West after living in Utah during my teenage years. I missed the mountains and climate so much. While I didn’t know much about California, it was in the direction I always wanted to go. Houston was just too flat and hot for me. I had nothing to tie me down to Houston, so I finished out my lease at my apartment, and packed my belongings into my Toyota and started driving.
I remember the empty feeling I had inside of me as I started. I knew something was missing. I knew what it was, but facing the truth was really hard. It was during that first day of driving that I started a long talk with God. Texas is a very big state, and it took me 14 hours to get to El Paso. It was in Texas I had my ‘Come to Jesus’ meeting. I talked out loud almost all day long, with intermittent crying and laughing. I had a lot on my mind and I was desperate for answers. I wondered how I had lost my relationship with God. I had had 12 years of Catholic schools. I dwelled on it in those hours and realized I had allowed that formation to be whittled away very slowly. By the end of that blessed day, I was praying very hard that I would be able to find my way back. As I fell asleep that night, I was emotionally and physically drained, but so excited with the anticipation of reaching my journey’s end the next day.
I got up at 6:00 AM and was ready to go 30 minutes later. It was a beautiful, albeit, hot August morning. I got to Tucson by noon and the desert lay ahead of me. I was suddenly very worried about making it all the way through the desert. I asked the gas station attendant about any suggestions he had regarding a successful trip across the desert at ‘high noon’. He said my timing was not great, but he gave me a couple of gallons of water to keep in the car and told me to run my heater on low all the way across. He also suggested that I get a few drinks for myself. I bought 2 very tall glasses of lemonade and an extra glass filled with ice. I opened the windows and began the trip, traveling no more than 50-55 mph to keep the engine from overheating.
My conversation with God continued, alternating between thanking Him for the grace of this new beginning with Him and begging for protection as I drove down the freeway that had very little traffic. Surely, He would not let me perish, now that I had found Him again! Late in the afternoon, I saw dark clouds on the horizon. I was a bit worried about how dark they were, but at the same time, relieved that rain would come and cool both me and my car. Another hour passed and the darkness had grown taller on the horizon and I was straining very hard to see what that darkness was. It really didn’t look like clouds anymore. After awhile, I shouted out loud, “those are mountains!” I had California in sight. At this point, I told God that if I didn’t make it all the way, I had to thank Him for this last view of the mountains in the distance.
We are at the border, my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. Paul’s results of his neuro-pyche test were given to us late yesterday afternoon and at 23 years of age, he is at the border of our ‘Trip to California’. The doctor asked Paul how well he thought he did. Paul said that he felt he did fairly well. The doctor told him he was right. The therapists had all seen the results and were very happy and surprised with some of the outcomes. Since they saw him last, which was in October, he had made even more recovery. The neuropsychologist went over all the categories and told us that Paul’s IQ was intact, his effort ability was intact, his moods were not affected, and his problem solving / reasoning skills were also intact. There were about 20 categories she discussed, which she listed as either strengths or weaknesses. Those that were lined up on the ‘strengths’ side were the ones we would want to see there. They would serve Paul very well. Those listed as weaknesses (which are actually ‘impairments’) could be helped by Paul’s strengths. He is impaired in the area of reading - he reads more slowly now. He understands what he reads, but is below average in speed. He has a mild impairment in his ability to pay attention to fine detail. He was not able to remember a complex pattern in as great a detail as others in his age group. His memory is not as good with abstract items. They gave him 10 random words to remember and he did not do as well. But when he was given a story with a lot of little details, he did very well remembering the facts/details of the story. He was also able to give the overall concept of the story. So, when dealing with facts or figures, he will need to learn to put it in a kind of structure to help him retain it in memory. He has enough strengths to do ‘work arounds’. His executive thinking skills are intact. His visual and auditory skills are intact. There are a lot of medical terms for these categories, which I don’t remember right now, but overall the sentence that stuck out for all of us was, “ Paul should be very successful at his attempt to finish college.” He will work through the disabilities office, which will provide him the extra help to be successful in his school work. He will be allowed to have things like a recorder in the classroom, or a note-taker, be given a bit more time to take tests (due to his reading slower) and things of that nature. He will be protected by the Disabilities Act. I remember when that came about, and it didn't pertain to me, so I didn't have much interest in it. Amazing how God moves us along.
The next part made Paul even more happy. The neurophysiologist told him she was signing off on her portion and was giving approval for driver training to begin. He will be allowed to start the driver training program at the downtown Shepherd Center . There are 3 portions which have to be approved - first the neurophysiologist (check…..smile), then Paul’s opthamologist and then Dr. Kaelin, the doctor who worked with Paul at the beginning when Paul was admitted to Shepherd Center. He has been overseeing Paul’s care through Shepherd Pathways. While it is not a done deal, Paul may be driving in the next 6 months. It is a fine goal, to be sure. As you can imagine, I am not as interested in the driving part….smile. But it was so wonderful seeing Paul’s face as the doctor was going over all his results. He was so nervous throughout the meeting. He kept picking at his fingernails, yet seemed oblivious to that action. At one point, when the doctor turned around to face the chalk board, Paul looked at me, face beaming, and gave a ‘thumbs up’ sign. How appropriate that action was. He had begun this whole journey, having learned to use that sign to communicate with us and yesterday, it spoke volumes.
After Mass this morning, someone came up to me to let me know that in the Magnificat prayer book they had read that Saint Avertinus was the patron saint for those who suffer from headaches and dizziness. His feast day is on Monday, May 5th. A fine day indeed!
“I am the beginning and the end of all things. I have met death, but I am alive, and I shall live for eternity, alleluia.” (Rev 1:17-18)
“Make us know the shortness of our life, that we may gain wisdom of heart.” (Ps 90:12)
We are going to see James graduate from Ave Maria University this weekend. Paul will be able to meet so many of the young people who were praying 24 hours a day in the months following his accident. I pray that each one of these young people do not lose sight of God, as I did all those years ago. May their devotion to prayerfulness remain ‘intact’, to carry them To the Border.
“You are precious in my eyes.” (Is 43:4)
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
When I was 23 years old, I was living in Houston, TX. I was not attending Mass very much and not surprisingly, felt very aimless and undecided about what I wanted to do with my life. Some friends had moved to LaJolla, California and told me how beautiful it was there. I had always wanted to move back out West after living in Utah during my teenage years. I missed the mountains and climate so much. While I didn’t know much about California, it was in the direction I always wanted to go. Houston was just too flat and hot for me. I had nothing to tie me down to Houston, so I finished out my lease at my apartment, and packed my belongings into my Toyota and started driving.
I remember the empty feeling I had inside of me as I started. I knew something was missing. I knew what it was, but facing the truth was really hard. It was during that first day of driving that I started a long talk with God. Texas is a very big state, and it took me 14 hours to get to El Paso. It was in Texas I had my ‘Come to Jesus’ meeting. I talked out loud almost all day long, with intermittent crying and laughing. I had a lot on my mind and I was desperate for answers. I wondered how I had lost my relationship with God. I had had 12 years of Catholic schools. I dwelled on it in those hours and realized I had allowed that formation to be whittled away very slowly. By the end of that blessed day, I was praying very hard that I would be able to find my way back. As I fell asleep that night, I was emotionally and physically drained, but so excited with the anticipation of reaching my journey’s end the next day.
I got up at 6:00 AM and was ready to go 30 minutes later. It was a beautiful, albeit, hot August morning. I got to Tucson by noon and the desert lay ahead of me. I was suddenly very worried about making it all the way through the desert. I asked the gas station attendant about any suggestions he had regarding a successful trip across the desert at ‘high noon’. He said my timing was not great, but he gave me a couple of gallons of water to keep in the car and told me to run my heater on low all the way across. He also suggested that I get a few drinks for myself. I bought 2 very tall glasses of lemonade and an extra glass filled with ice. I opened the windows and began the trip, traveling no more than 50-55 mph to keep the engine from overheating.
My conversation with God continued, alternating between thanking Him for the grace of this new beginning with Him and begging for protection as I drove down the freeway that had very little traffic. Surely, He would not let me perish, now that I had found Him again! Late in the afternoon, I saw dark clouds on the horizon. I was a bit worried about how dark they were, but at the same time, relieved that rain would come and cool both me and my car. Another hour passed and the darkness had grown taller on the horizon and I was straining very hard to see what that darkness was. It really didn’t look like clouds anymore. After awhile, I shouted out loud, “those are mountains!” I had California in sight. At this point, I told God that if I didn’t make it all the way, I had to thank Him for this last view of the mountains in the distance.
We are at the border, my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. Paul’s results of his neuro-pyche test were given to us late yesterday afternoon and at 23 years of age, he is at the border of our ‘Trip to California’. The doctor asked Paul how well he thought he did. Paul said that he felt he did fairly well. The doctor told him he was right. The therapists had all seen the results and were very happy and surprised with some of the outcomes. Since they saw him last, which was in October, he had made even more recovery. The neuropsychologist went over all the categories and told us that Paul’s IQ was intact, his effort ability was intact, his moods were not affected, and his problem solving / reasoning skills were also intact. There were about 20 categories she discussed, which she listed as either strengths or weaknesses. Those that were lined up on the ‘strengths’ side were the ones we would want to see there. They would serve Paul very well. Those listed as weaknesses (which are actually ‘impairments’) could be helped by Paul’s strengths. He is impaired in the area of reading - he reads more slowly now. He understands what he reads, but is below average in speed. He has a mild impairment in his ability to pay attention to fine detail. He was not able to remember a complex pattern in as great a detail as others in his age group. His memory is not as good with abstract items. They gave him 10 random words to remember and he did not do as well. But when he was given a story with a lot of little details, he did very well remembering the facts/details of the story. He was also able to give the overall concept of the story. So, when dealing with facts or figures, he will need to learn to put it in a kind of structure to help him retain it in memory. He has enough strengths to do ‘work arounds’. His executive thinking skills are intact. His visual and auditory skills are intact. There are a lot of medical terms for these categories, which I don’t remember right now, but overall the sentence that stuck out for all of us was, “ Paul should be very successful at his attempt to finish college.” He will work through the disabilities office, which will provide him the extra help to be successful in his school work. He will be allowed to have things like a recorder in the classroom, or a note-taker, be given a bit more time to take tests (due to his reading slower) and things of that nature. He will be protected by the Disabilities Act. I remember when that came about, and it didn't pertain to me, so I didn't have much interest in it. Amazing how God moves us along.
The next part made Paul even more happy. The neurophysiologist told him she was signing off on her portion and was giving approval for driver training to begin. He will be allowed to start the driver training program at the downtown Shepherd Center . There are 3 portions which have to be approved - first the neurophysiologist (check…..smile), then Paul’s opthamologist and then Dr. Kaelin, the doctor who worked with Paul at the beginning when Paul was admitted to Shepherd Center. He has been overseeing Paul’s care through Shepherd Pathways. While it is not a done deal, Paul may be driving in the next 6 months. It is a fine goal, to be sure. As you can imagine, I am not as interested in the driving part….smile. But it was so wonderful seeing Paul’s face as the doctor was going over all his results. He was so nervous throughout the meeting. He kept picking at his fingernails, yet seemed oblivious to that action. At one point, when the doctor turned around to face the chalk board, Paul looked at me, face beaming, and gave a ‘thumbs up’ sign. How appropriate that action was. He had begun this whole journey, having learned to use that sign to communicate with us and yesterday, it spoke volumes.
After Mass this morning, someone came up to me to let me know that in the Magnificat prayer book they had read that Saint Avertinus was the patron saint for those who suffer from headaches and dizziness. His feast day is on Monday, May 5th. A fine day indeed!
“I am the beginning and the end of all things. I have met death, but I am alive, and I shall live for eternity, alleluia.” (Rev 1:17-18)
“Make us know the shortness of our life, that we may gain wisdom of heart.” (Ps 90:12)
We are going to see James graduate from Ave Maria University this weekend. Paul will be able to meet so many of the young people who were praying 24 hours a day in the months following his accident. I pray that each one of these young people do not lose sight of God, as I did all those years ago. May their devotion to prayerfulness remain ‘intact’, to carry them To the Border.
“You are precious in my eyes.” (Is 43:4)
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Exam Week
This past Saturday I received a package in the mail. It was from my cousin Harry's wife, Sharon. She wrote that she has kept up with the blog and after reading the posting about Lourdes, she decided to send us something they have had in their home for awhile. They had been to Lourdes, France years ago and she had a bottle of Lourdes water on her mantle. She said she knew that someday she would know who to give it to. They are preparing to move across the country to California and as she was packing, she came across the bottle of Holy Water. Since she had recently read about my desire to get Paul to Lourdes, she knew she wanted Paul to have it.
Jon and I were sitting on our front porch when the mail was delivered. We had been enjoying the incredibly beautiful Spring day and were watching the birds feeding at our 2 feeders. It was a perfect day to receive so perfect a gift! I was so incredibly surprised and touched by the gift. After we blessed ourselves, we decided that we would bless Paul with the water each day as we prayed a 9 day novena to Our Lady of Lourdes.
The timeliness could not be more significant either. Tomorrow, Paul will finally take the neuro-psych evalutaion at Shephard Pathways. We have not been able to schedule it before now because of his intense headaches. last year. It is a 7 hour day of testing and Paul had to be able to endure that schedule. With his headaches and the unpredictablity of his feeling well for prolonged periods of time, we did not want to have them administer the test until we knew he would have a better chance of doing well. The test can be given once a year, as that is all the insurance company will pay for. It is a very costly test and that is why we have waited so long. It was all about the headaches. Paul has been doing so well with the level of pain that we knew it was time to get this valuable assessment completed. It will be used to help determine his needs in college or if he is actually able to do that. Since we have him registered for college, this will help us know if he can be successful. They can use the results to pin point areas of deficiency and also areas of strength. The results will be shared with the college disability department so they can assist Paul in any special needs he will have.
Paul has been very excited about taking this test. He is not showing any signs of stress over it. He has prayed that he will not have too severe a headache. If he does, we will have to cancel it. We have prayed this novena to Our Lady of Lourdes and have blessed Paul each day as we get closer. We have been working with Paul in the area of reading comprehension, increased vocabulary and usage, and math. He has been excercising regularly at the fitness center. I have noticed that he does so well on the days after he excercises. It seems to prove the information I read about increased aerobic activity helps brain functions. I am sure that the increased oxygen to the brain is extremely beneficial to his well being. Not rocket science! We worked out last night and will be there again tonight to do mostly aerobic workouts to help him be ready in all ways.
There is nothing more we can do for him other than to leave it in God's hands. Only God knows where Paul is going and your prayers have certainly helped him reach the levels of competency and spirituality that he now enjoys. We thank you all for your continued prayers. There are a number of days that I know were helped by the outpouring of your love and prayers! There have been some really tough times. We found a 'schedule' of Paul's from about a year ago. It was for him to follow each day to gain more independence and discipline and purpose each day. It went something like this:
7:30 - wake
7:45 - shower
8:15 - eat breakfast/ take medicine
8:45 - rest
9:30 - go to work
10:30- eat snack, drink water/ take medicine
11:30 - get picked up from work
11:45 - rest
12:45 - lunch / take medicine
1: 15 - take Abby for a walk down the street
1:45 - rest
2:30 - drink water / eat snack
3:00 - email a friend or read
3:45 - rest
4:15 - set table
5:00 - eat dinner / take medicine
6:00 - help with dishes
6:30 - rosary
7:00 - read/watch tv
8:00 - sleep
We are light years beyond that schedule! He gets himself up, goes to weekly adoration at 5 a.m., fixes his lunch (which could include more veggies/fruit...........you can lead a horse to water........), schedules his own fun acitivities, reads, writes summaries of what he has read, goes to work for 5 - 6 hours each day, helps with the dishes, does his laundry (after his closet floor fills up....... he definitely has too many shirts, socks and briefs......), walks his dog, goes to the fitness center, shops on line for lots of various things (a favorite!), pays his own bills and keeps track of his checking account. He lives full time at Jerry's, helps with the trash, feeds his dog every day, works on cognitive skills on-line, still loves to play Solitaire and Hearts on-line..............he has very full days and there is no rest time scheduled anymore. He stays up until 10-11 PM every night and is up at 7:30, ready to go by 8:30 AM. He calls me almost every morning to make sure I am ready!! He has periods of great discipline, and then some periods where we have to push him really hard. We can tell when he is in a down period - seems lethargic and not totally focused on his responsibilities. They are more pronounced than they would be for us. There does not seem to be much we can do about it. We have seen these down times last for almost a month. Other times it is only for a few days. Then there is renewed energy and focus and he is back up and running. Very cyclical and very slow progress. Praise God, there is progress.
God is good. Very good. And God is love. I am overwhelmed by how much love He has poured out on us. Praise be His Holy Name. I cannot do Him any justice with words. But I now know my life depends 100% on Him. I am nothing without His love. I pray so fervently that His will be done in my life. I pray so fervently that our world will ask the same for themselves. It is a tough lesson to learn and it is very cyclical and very slowly learned. But I have seen progress. There has been much growth in these past 2 1/2 years. I guess you could say it has been 'Exam Years' for me!! Lots of tests, with varying results. Prayerful perseverance is getting us there.
Love to all and peace of Christ to you in this wonderful 5th week of Easter. May you all be healed in any way needed, through the intercession of Our Lady of Lourdes.
I will get the results of Paul's test posted as soon as we learn about them.
Jon and Rebecca
ps - Thank you so much Sharon. We are treasuring your gift. God bless you for thinking of Paul.
Jon and I were sitting on our front porch when the mail was delivered. We had been enjoying the incredibly beautiful Spring day and were watching the birds feeding at our 2 feeders. It was a perfect day to receive so perfect a gift! I was so incredibly surprised and touched by the gift. After we blessed ourselves, we decided that we would bless Paul with the water each day as we prayed a 9 day novena to Our Lady of Lourdes.
The timeliness could not be more significant either. Tomorrow, Paul will finally take the neuro-psych evalutaion at Shephard Pathways. We have not been able to schedule it before now because of his intense headaches. last year. It is a 7 hour day of testing and Paul had to be able to endure that schedule. With his headaches and the unpredictablity of his feeling well for prolonged periods of time, we did not want to have them administer the test until we knew he would have a better chance of doing well. The test can be given once a year, as that is all the insurance company will pay for. It is a very costly test and that is why we have waited so long. It was all about the headaches. Paul has been doing so well with the level of pain that we knew it was time to get this valuable assessment completed. It will be used to help determine his needs in college or if he is actually able to do that. Since we have him registered for college, this will help us know if he can be successful. They can use the results to pin point areas of deficiency and also areas of strength. The results will be shared with the college disability department so they can assist Paul in any special needs he will have.
Paul has been very excited about taking this test. He is not showing any signs of stress over it. He has prayed that he will not have too severe a headache. If he does, we will have to cancel it. We have prayed this novena to Our Lady of Lourdes and have blessed Paul each day as we get closer. We have been working with Paul in the area of reading comprehension, increased vocabulary and usage, and math. He has been excercising regularly at the fitness center. I have noticed that he does so well on the days after he excercises. It seems to prove the information I read about increased aerobic activity helps brain functions. I am sure that the increased oxygen to the brain is extremely beneficial to his well being. Not rocket science! We worked out last night and will be there again tonight to do mostly aerobic workouts to help him be ready in all ways.
There is nothing more we can do for him other than to leave it in God's hands. Only God knows where Paul is going and your prayers have certainly helped him reach the levels of competency and spirituality that he now enjoys. We thank you all for your continued prayers. There are a number of days that I know were helped by the outpouring of your love and prayers! There have been some really tough times. We found a 'schedule' of Paul's from about a year ago. It was for him to follow each day to gain more independence and discipline and purpose each day. It went something like this:
7:30 - wake
7:45 - shower
8:15 - eat breakfast/ take medicine
8:45 - rest
9:30 - go to work
10:30- eat snack, drink water/ take medicine
11:30 - get picked up from work
11:45 - rest
12:45 - lunch / take medicine
1: 15 - take Abby for a walk down the street
1:45 - rest
2:30 - drink water / eat snack
3:00 - email a friend or read
3:45 - rest
4:15 - set table
5:00 - eat dinner / take medicine
6:00 - help with dishes
6:30 - rosary
7:00 - read/watch tv
8:00 - sleep
We are light years beyond that schedule! He gets himself up, goes to weekly adoration at 5 a.m., fixes his lunch (which could include more veggies/fruit...........you can lead a horse to water........), schedules his own fun acitivities, reads, writes summaries of what he has read, goes to work for 5 - 6 hours each day, helps with the dishes, does his laundry (after his closet floor fills up....... he definitely has too many shirts, socks and briefs......), walks his dog, goes to the fitness center, shops on line for lots of various things (a favorite!), pays his own bills and keeps track of his checking account. He lives full time at Jerry's, helps with the trash, feeds his dog every day, works on cognitive skills on-line, still loves to play Solitaire and Hearts on-line..............he has very full days and there is no rest time scheduled anymore. He stays up until 10-11 PM every night and is up at 7:30, ready to go by 8:30 AM. He calls me almost every morning to make sure I am ready!! He has periods of great discipline, and then some periods where we have to push him really hard. We can tell when he is in a down period - seems lethargic and not totally focused on his responsibilities. They are more pronounced than they would be for us. There does not seem to be much we can do about it. We have seen these down times last for almost a month. Other times it is only for a few days. Then there is renewed energy and focus and he is back up and running. Very cyclical and very slow progress. Praise God, there is progress.
God is good. Very good. And God is love. I am overwhelmed by how much love He has poured out on us. Praise be His Holy Name. I cannot do Him any justice with words. But I now know my life depends 100% on Him. I am nothing without His love. I pray so fervently that His will be done in my life. I pray so fervently that our world will ask the same for themselves. It is a tough lesson to learn and it is very cyclical and very slowly learned. But I have seen progress. There has been much growth in these past 2 1/2 years. I guess you could say it has been 'Exam Years' for me!! Lots of tests, with varying results. Prayerful perseverance is getting us there.
Love to all and peace of Christ to you in this wonderful 5th week of Easter. May you all be healed in any way needed, through the intercession of Our Lady of Lourdes.
I will get the results of Paul's test posted as soon as we learn about them.
Jon and Rebecca
ps - Thank you so much Sharon. We are treasuring your gift. God bless you for thinking of Paul.
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