On The Border

I will preface this by saying I may have shared this story before, but I feel it is even more relevant today.

When I was 23 years old, I was living in Houston, TX. I was not attending Mass very much and not surprisingly, felt very aimless and undecided about what I wanted to do with my life. Some friends had moved to LaJolla, California and told me how beautiful it was there. I had always wanted to move back out West after living in Utah during my teenage years. I missed the mountains and climate so much. While I didn’t know much about California, it was in the direction I always wanted to go. Houston was just too flat and hot for me. I had nothing to tie me down to Houston, so I finished out my lease at my apartment, and packed my belongings into my Toyota and started driving.

I remember the empty feeling I had inside of me as I started. I knew something was missing. I knew what it was, but facing the truth was really hard. It was during that first day of driving that I started a long talk with God. Texas is a very big state, and it took me 14 hours to get to El Paso. It was in Texas I had my ‘Come to Jesus’ meeting. I talked out loud almost all day long, with intermittent crying and laughing. I had a lot on my mind and I was desperate for answers. I wondered how I had lost my relationship with God. I had had 12 years of Catholic schools. I dwelled on it in those hours and realized I had allowed that formation to be whittled away very slowly. By the end of that blessed day, I was praying very hard that I would be able to find my way back. As I fell asleep that night, I was emotionally and physically drained, but so excited with the anticipation of reaching my journey’s end the next day.

I got up at 6:00 AM and was ready to go 30 minutes later. It was a beautiful, albeit, hot August morning. I got to Tucson by noon and the desert lay ahead of me. I was suddenly very worried about making it all the way through the desert. I asked the gas station attendant about any suggestions he had regarding a successful trip across the desert at ‘high noon’. He said my timing was not great, but he gave me a couple of gallons of water to keep in the car and told me to run my heater on low all the way across. He also suggested that I get a few drinks for myself. I bought 2 very tall glasses of lemonade and an extra glass filled with ice. I opened the windows and began the trip, traveling no more than 50-55 mph to keep the engine from overheating.

My conversation with God continued, alternating between thanking Him for the grace of this new beginning with Him and begging for protection as I drove down the freeway that had very little traffic. Surely, He would not let me perish, now that I had found Him again! Late in the afternoon, I saw dark clouds on the horizon. I was a bit worried about how dark they were, but at the same time, relieved that rain would come and cool both me and my car. Another hour passed and the darkness had grown taller on the horizon and I was straining very hard to see what that darkness was. It really didn’t look like clouds anymore. After awhile, I shouted out loud, “those are mountains!” I had California in sight. At this point, I told God that if I didn’t make it all the way, I had to thank Him for this last view of the mountains in the distance.

We are at the border, my dear brothers and sisters in Christ. Paul’s results of his neuro-pyche test were given to us late yesterday afternoon and at 23 years of age, he is at the border of our ‘Trip to California’. The doctor asked Paul how well he thought he did. Paul said that he felt he did fairly well. The doctor told him he was right. The therapists had all seen the results and were very happy and surprised with some of the outcomes. Since they saw him last, which was in October, he had made even more recovery. The neuropsychologist went over all the categories and told us that Paul’s IQ was intact, his effort ability was intact, his moods were not affected, and his problem solving / reasoning skills were also intact. There were about 20 categories she discussed, which she listed as either strengths or weaknesses. Those that were lined up on the ‘strengths’ side were the ones we would want to see there. They would serve Paul very well. Those listed as weaknesses (which are actually ‘impairments’) could be helped by Paul’s strengths. He is impaired in the area of reading - he reads more slowly now. He understands what he reads, but is below average in speed. He has a mild impairment in his ability to pay attention to fine detail. He was not able to remember a complex pattern in as great a detail as others in his age group. His memory is not as good with abstract items. They gave him 10 random words to remember and he did not do as well. But when he was given a story with a lot of little details, he did very well remembering the facts/details of the story. He was also able to give the overall concept of the story. So, when dealing with facts or figures, he will need to learn to put it in a kind of structure to help him retain it in memory. He has enough strengths to do ‘work arounds’. His executive thinking skills are intact. His visual and auditory skills are intact. There are a lot of medical terms for these categories, which I don’t remember right now, but overall the sentence that stuck out for all of us was, “ Paul should be very successful at his attempt to finish college.” He will work through the disabilities office, which will provide him the extra help to be successful in his school work. He will be allowed to have things like a recorder in the classroom, or a note-taker, be given a bit more time to take tests (due to his reading slower) and things of that nature. He will be protected by the Disabilities Act. I remember when that came about, and it didn't pertain to me, so I didn't have much interest in it. Amazing how God moves us along.

The next part made Paul even more happy. The neurophysiologist told him she was signing off on her portion and was giving approval for driver training to begin. He will be allowed to start the driver training program at the downtown Shepherd Center . There are 3 portions which have to be approved - first the neurophysiologist (check…..smile), then Paul’s opthamologist and then Dr. Kaelin, the doctor who worked with Paul at the beginning when Paul was admitted to Shepherd Center. He has been overseeing Paul’s care through Shepherd Pathways. While it is not a done deal, Paul may be driving in the next 6 months. It is a fine goal, to be sure. As you can imagine, I am not as interested in the driving part….smile. But it was so wonderful seeing Paul’s face as the doctor was going over all his results. He was so nervous throughout the meeting. He kept picking at his fingernails, yet seemed oblivious to that action. At one point, when the doctor turned around to face the chalk board, Paul looked at me, face beaming, and gave a ‘thumbs up’ sign. How appropriate that action was. He had begun this whole journey, having learned to use that sign to communicate with us and yesterday, it spoke volumes.

After Mass this morning, someone came up to me to let me know that in the Magnificat prayer book they had read that Saint Avertinus was the patron saint for those who suffer from headaches and dizziness. His feast day is on Monday, May 5th. A fine day indeed!

“I am the beginning and the end of all things. I have met death, but I am alive, and I shall live for eternity, alleluia.” (Rev 1:17-18)

“Make us know the shortness of our life, that we may gain wisdom of heart.” (Ps 90:12)

We are going to see James graduate from Ave Maria University this weekend. Paul will be able to meet so many of the young people who were praying 24 hours a day in the months following his accident. I pray that each one of these young people do not lose sight of God, as I did all those years ago. May their devotion to prayerfulness remain ‘intact’, to carry them To the Border.

“You are precious in my eyes.” (Is 43:4)

Love,
Jon and Rebecca