Tea For Two

I was so shocked and saddened yesterday when I heard the news of the day. It was around 4:30 PM and Paul and I were waiting for his surgery time. Paul and I watched with such sorrow, as we discussed how tragic the day would be for so many families who lost a son or daughter. It made for an even longer day and one where we found ourselves praying with more intensity for those who were involved.

Paul didn't get to eat anything since Sunday night at 5 PM. He was eating as I came into the room. He looked very chipper and was feeling pretty good. On Monday, he started out okay but started taking a turn down hill around noon. His head was pounding and they didn't give him pain medication in time before his surgery, so his last dose was at 10 AM and he had no more before his surgery at 8:00 PM. He was sleeping when they came in at 2 PM and so they didn't wake him up. His surgery was scheduled for 6:00 and at 4:00 they said it was too late to give him anything. We figured that since surgery was only 2 hours away, he could make it. But with the delayed surgery time, he was really suffering. The pressure must have been high as he started to get very lethargic and we could not keep him awake. It was a blessing though, as he was able to fall asleep and not have to endure the pain for all that time. When he woke up, his eye showed the pain level. He would just stare at me and not say anything because it hurt to talk. He would just give a nod, or blink his eye when asked if he was in great pain.

I was sitting beside him in the surgery waiting area for about 2 1/2 hours. I at first was upset when we heard that they were behind schedule that much. I felt so sorry for Paul as he had not had anything to eat or drink since Sunday and his head pain was at a 8.5 level. In a quiet moment in that area, I realized they had the TV on across the room. I could tell it was the news about the VA TECH shootings. This whole setting made me feel so sad. While I had been feeling sorry for Paul and our family and all the hours we have spent waiting in hospital, I was immediately reminded that there is far greater suffering going on in our world. I turned my prayerfulness toward the families of those killed, injured and even the family of the person who committed this very tragic occurrence. It brought into sharp relief the fact that there is so much pain in our world, so many stories where people have lost their total faith and hope in a most loving God.

As I sat there, my attention was then drawn to 2 nurses who were talking about the news. I heard one of them say that she hoped that the families would find out the tragic news about their sons and daughters in a better way than she had heard the news about her son. I didn't mean to intrude on her privacy, but she was no more than about 12 feet away from me, at the nurses station. The other woman asked her what she meant. This mother then went on to explain that she had seen the news about a really bad accident on TV and it was in an area where she knew her son was. There was no identification given on the news of course, but there was enough to cause her alarm. She started to call her son's cell phone and it was not answered. She had called her husband and the other family members, as she was really worried about her son. They got a call not long after and it was someone from the hospital. They would not say her son had died, but this mother heard someone right near the nurse call out for someone to call the coroner. This was how she found out about her son. She said it was such a painful moment for her and her husband. She knew the news was going to be devastating for all the families of these students and teachers, but she hoped they would be able to find out in a more compassionate way. She was hoping that they would not post any names until EVERYONE was notified in private. She kept talking about her son and that he had been the captain of the college soccer team and had this bright and promising future. It was like the flood gates were opened in that moment and someone really cared enought to listen to her about her son and the most painful loss this family had to endure. It had been 4 years ago. She talked without crying. It was obvious, she was relating to all those families and it made her want to pour out her story.
I noticed it had gotten very quiet in that room, as I believe everyone was listening to her now. She certainly had my attention and my love. I found myself watching Paul's face and I kept thanking God for his life. How precious he is to our family, but certainly no more so than this woman's son was to their family. No more so than all of those who lost their lives were to their families. When she finished her story, I immediately began a litany of everyone I could think of, asking God to bless them. I started with that mother, then everyone who came to mind. I knew that I was being called to pray, pray, pray. I was able to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet, a rosary after I had named so many people (including everyone who has offered up prayers for our family). As I prayed, I felt so much love for people and knew that that is what God wants from us. 'Love one another, as I have loved you.'

"There is a way of contemplation through suffering. Christ taught us this way from the cross. It is a bridge of love across which God comes to the human race and the human race goes to God. To practice it is this - you look at Christ until you become like Him, just as by looking at the sun, you become golden like the sun. You touch His wounds, and from them you learn the measure of His love. You share the experience of His passions with Him, until through loving with His love, you become one with Him.

We cannot see Christ in His glory, but we can see Him and touch Him in human suffering. Humanity is the veil of Veronica. It is, so to speak, the suffering face of Christ on the Via Crucis, impressed upon humanity, His face covered in blood and sweat and tears, just as we do literally see so many human faces now. This disfigurement is caused by sin; exactly as Christ's historical passion was caused by sin, so is His passion in us. It is He whom we meet every day and in every house and in every street, and were it not that His love has transformed even the wounding and bruising of sin, we should meet the ugliness of despair everywhere. As it is, Christ, by giving himself to our humanity, has given His own mysterious beauty and significance to every tear on the human face, to every drop of blood shed from its veins. So it is Christ whom we look on today, in everyone, everywhere. Gradually, through looking at Christ in these suffering people, we begin to have some faint idea of the measure of His love."
Caryll Houselander

I now begin each day thanking God for my suffering. I actually feel that way in my heart. It is not just words anymore. I know God answered my continued prayer for a more perfect love of Jesus and in the days of the Divine Mercy Chaplet, I was able to view it in a different light. I truly want to offer all of the difficult hours we spend each week back to God as a gift. It has helped me have the strength to endure these past 11 days, watching Paul endure the pain and the inconveniences of a hospital setting and his sadness about missing being home. God has heard and answered my plea about finding the strength to keep doing this. I only need strength for this day.

There have actually been some lighter moments, which helped us so much. It is when Paul is feeling a little better that he lets his sense of humor shine through. The nurse's aide was taking his temperature after one of his last surgery last night and after there were 2 beeps to let her know it was at the maximum reading, she took the thermometer out of his mouth and he asked her with a serious tone, "So, how much do I weigh?" She looked at him with confusion/concern and said gently that she had taken his temperature, not his weight. He smiled and said, "I know, I was just joking with you." She laughed and said that since we are on the 9th floor (which is the neuroscience area) she encounters that kind of confusion often, so it was not a far cry from what she has heard before!

Paul came in from his surgery last night and I thought he was still dozing because of the medication. I was checking out his head and stitches and then noticed his tongue was kind of hanging out of his mouth. I called to him gently to wake him up so he could close his mouth. He didn't make a move. I called him again and no movment. I got a bit scared, thinking he was drugged too heavily and was about to mention this all to the nurse who was fixing his IV system. He then smiled and pulled his tongue back in and said, "Hey mom, I was just trying to tease you. I wanted you to think I was drugged out." I could only smile in relief and told him those kinds of jokes needed to be saved for his dad - he has the stomach for it!!

He teased the student nurse after she had flushed his IV on his arm before hooking the IV back up. She asked Paul if it hurt and he said no, but did ask her to take it easy. I think he was just as nervous as she was! After she was all done and she turned around, Paul said, "Oooww!" She quickly turned around and he said he was obviously joking because she had finished her procedure. She also doesn't have the stomach for that kind of humor, because she smiled only slightly and said, "You scared me to death." He did apologize and has not played any more tricks today.

The night nurse has been terrific. She was here last week, and came back on duty in the past few nights. After the surgery last night, she came in and asked Paul if he remembered her name. He asked if it was Meredith. She said, "Close, but no, my name is Mary." Later, he thanked her for her help and said, "Thanks a lot Meredith, I mean Melanie, I mean Marissa, I mean Michelle." She laughed and he finished with, "Good night and God bless you Mary."

But the best one was on Sunday night. He had eaten a good meal and his tray was pushed away to the wall. It was later in that evening and Jon had left. I realized I was very thirsty and Paul's water jug was empty. I noticed he had an iced tea cup on his dinner tray that had not been opened. Paul is not a huge iced tea drinker, so I felt pretty safe drinking this glass of tea. Paul had his eyes closed and I thought he was sleeping. After about 6-10 minutes, he asked me for something to drink. I asked him what he wanted and he said, "Can you get me the iced tea from my dinner tray?" I could not believe he was asking for it!!! I felt so bad about having drank it and I asked him, as a diversion, if he would like to have some fruit juice since it was so late in the evening. He said no, as he really wanted something right away and didn't want to wait for someone to get him some juice. I took his hand and said, "Paul, I am so sorry, I drank your tea because I had been so thirsty after my trip!" He smiled and said, "I know, I watched you drinking it. You thought I was asleep didn't you?" We both laughed so hard. You can bet I have tried to stay on my toes with him - because when he is feeling good, he really enjoys himself.

May mercy, peace and love be yours in great abundance.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca