As We Wait In Joyful Hope

Holy Saturday

We were not able to keep Paul out of the hospital until Tuesday. He is in Charlotte, and we are awaiting word about possible surgery today. It is a good day though. Holy Saturday. I have complete trust in Our Lord Jesus. Unlike the Apostles, who on this day after the death of Jesus, had no idea about Easter morning, I have the knowledge of what the Resurrection promises. It is that knowledge that I hold in my heart and hold onto for the strength to keep walking on this 'bright white pathway' to heaven'. I asked God years ago to help me get on that pathway and I know He has answered me.

5 years ago, my dad died on Easter morning at sunrise. I thought about that this morning and how we waited out those long hours from Holy Thursday until Easter morning. Then I remembered something that happened during that time that I didn't think of yesterday when I wrote the blog. I mentioned yesterday, how I had seen a really long white cloud that looked like a bright pathway to heaven. It was across most of the expanse of sky I could see from my airplane window and it was all by itself, up much higher than the thick blanket of clouds below me. Well, it was 5 years ago on Good Friday that I saw another one just like it.

I was staying at the hospital with my dad during the night, so my mother and brother could go home and get some sleep. I remember how scared my dad was on Holy Thursday, as he knew he was dying. It was about midnight and he was having trouble breathing, so I got up to check on him and he took my hands and told me how scared he was. He said he was worried he had not done enough in his life and now he was scared. I told him that we can't earn heaven, but that we are called to love God with our hearts and it was Jesus who earned heaven for us. He said he was afraid because he just didn't know what was going to happen. The words just poured out of me as I told him how awesome it would be, because he knew how much we all loved him and all he was going to do was to be passed from our loving hands into the hands of Jesus. How much more blessed could he be? His family around him, praying for him, holding him here on earth, then he would gently go straight into the hands of Jesus and Mary. How much more glorious could it get? He found comfort in those words and slept. When we woke up the next morning, there was a long white cloud across the sky, in an upward direction. It was easily seen from his window at St. Joseph's hospital. I told my dad to look and said, "It is as simple as that - you'll take the pathway to heaven." I shared my experience of the cloud I saw from the plane with him and told him that God was showing which path to take!

There were xrays taken yesterday at Dekalb Medical Center of Paul's abdomen and they could not determine what the problem was. There was a lot of gas in the lower abdomen, but the cause was not determined. We didn't want them to admit Paul to the hospital, as he was going to be seeing Dr. McLanahan on Tuesday anyway to determine whether he needed surgery related to the shunt again. I called his office and was told to bring him up today. When I got home last night at 8:15, Jon and I discussed how we wanted to handle this hospital stay. We decided he would take Paul up, and that I would come up on Easter afternoon, then Jon would come back up on Tuesday. We would pull 2 day shifts. Jerry was with me yesterday (he is a saint on earth) and he said he could also come up this week for a shift. I needed to get some work done that I brought home with me, so our plan was perfect. I will be able to go to the Saturday night vigil, and yes, feel guilty that Jon will not be able to be there too! I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband - he volunteered immediately to take this first shift!

I actually just hung up the phone with Jon and he said that Dr. McLanahan just saw Paul and he took a sample of fluid and it is clear ( means no sign of infection) and that the brain pressure was still very normal. He was expecting something else, because he said to Paul, "You have to be the different one, don't you?" He said that he will have a CT done of Paul's abdomen, as he feels the problem is shunt related. He wants to take time to see the CT results and to think about what is going on with the severe headaches. He said that if he does do surgery, it will be tomorrow sometime. He wanted to do some more reviewing of the issues.

I told Jon how sorry I was that he was stuck in the hospital with no one around and he said that it is actually quite comfortable as they have a suite. I laughed and said that I sure wish that were true! He said, matter of factly, "It is true." I asked him what he meant by a suite. He said they have an adjoining area to the room with a couch, side table, lamp and TV! I asked him how he got that and he said that "They know me around here." I told him that I was very, very happy for him, because the room we were in for those 2 weeks in January was tough. It was dark and we had a little 25 watt bulb lamp on because Paul was so sensitive to light. It was like a dungeon. Jon said there was a nice view too! I told him that I was on my way and I would bring the popcorn! I am so relieved to know he will be comfortable, especially since he has to miss the Saturday night vigil, which we both love so much.

So there you are................hot off the press with the latest and most updated news about Paul. I don't believe it is a coincidence either that I started this blog writing about my dad dying on Easter Sunday. I'd like to think my dad just might be standing by Dr. McLanahan's side while they work on Paul on Easter Sunday. I know that Jesus and Mary will be.

"Then they rolled the stone across the mouth of the tomb; Jesus was within, and Mary was without. Perhaps in that anguised moment the Mother of God remembered the time when she stood outside the house where her Son was teaching. The crowd saw her and said to Jesus, 'Your mother and your brothers are ouside asking for you.' But he said to them in reply, 'Who are my mother and my brothers? Here, are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.' (Mk 3:31 - 34) Christ's mother is outside the tomb, asking the Fther for his Son - for Easter. The Blessed Virgin's asking is an act of Adoring abandoment - a complete surrender to the will fo God. As Mary declares, 'He has remembered His promise of mercy.' Throughout Mary's waiting in confidence and trust, perhaps Mary tells herself what she once told an anxious waiter in Cana: "Do whatever he tells you." Truly the silence from beyond that secluding stone continues to speak. In her eucharistic vigil before the tomb, Mary expects nothing less than a miracle. The crucifying crowd skulks away from the place of the Skull, satisfied and smug. But we, the little crowd that lingers behind, see Mary......and behold her face - a face that physcially resembles the face of her Son. And we gasp, stunned at the sight. For as we gaze in faith at the face of the Mother of God, we know that Jesus Christ is with us. He is present.

Love, as always, Jon and Rebecca