Return To Sender.........

Paul, Jon and Jerry head up to Charlotte again today for another round of nerve stimulation and pain management treatments. They will again give a low level electrical charge to the nerve that controls the facial movements as part of the process to jump start the nerve. They said that if Paul felt a warming sensation there was more hope about the outcome. He said he felt the warmth behind his ear and on his cheek. I am not sure how long the time frame is that we will see the results, if the nerve is truly going to function again. I was not able to go to the last appointment to ask all the questions I have, so I am sending Jon with a long list of questions this time. Since I was off work for 2 full weeks for the surgery, it is really difficult for me to miss any more work at this time. I am still trying to 'climb out of the hole' and catch up all the work from those 2 weeks.

Unfortunately, Mike, Jon and I have had really bad colds that now require antibiotics. We have been pretty worn down due to it. We are begging God to keep Paul 'cold free', as this strain has brought us really bad headaches and upper respiratory infections. I am concerned that Paul would have a much tougher time fighting this off, as his one lung took such a beating in the accident. He has had pneumonia twice before, along with a history of lung infections. It is truly the last thing he needs now.

For the first time ever, Paul finally stood in front of a statue of Jesus that he has in his room and begged God to take his head pain away. The level of pain has steadily gone up since he came home, and since Sunday night, they have remained around 7 - 7.5. Tylenol brings them down to around 5-6 pain level. He will do most things when the pain comes down a little, but he finally has admitted, he is growing very weary of having headaches all day, every day. He tood there praying for Jesus to heal him very soon as he is so tired of the pain. (I think if he just knew the day that it would be over, he would hang on. It's the uncertainty that he will ever have relief that is finally wearing him down.) He asks me everyday, "When did the doctors say my headaches will be gone? Every day I have to tell him that no one really knows, but they will continue to find the answers. That is our hope and strength - that these doctors are willing to keep at it until the answer is found. I found great comfort when Dr. McLanahan said, "When the dust all settles, we will have our answer." There are a number of variables that they have to rule out and it will take time. Dr. Matthews said it may be up to 6 months before they will have Paul's eye completely settled into the orbit correctly as there is swelling and bad muscle damage to that eye. I still have a lot of confidence in these doctors as they are known to stay with it until the answers are found. I spoke to Paul about how all of his suffering has a purpose. It will not be in vain. What we are called to is full trust that God hears us and knows Paul's pain and that it is being allowed to continue for things we may never know or fully understand. But it is never in vain as long as Paul continues to offer it up to God. While it may seem futile, I know God will grace Paul so abundantly for his continued acceptance of all this each day. I prayed with Paul for the strength and grace to keep saying yes to God's will, no matter what He asks of us. I told Paul that while we were not suffering the actual pain he was, we, as a family, suffer as we watch him go through this. We will remain by his side every minute and will pray unceasingly for everything Paul needs to keep saying, "Here I am Lord, your servant listens". We are now 15 months away from 11/11 and the blessings are inumerable. We have come to know and love so many people whose lives are beautiful examples of trusting in the Lord. God has brought so many awesome people into our lives! We have been called to a greater holiness in our daily living, a deeper awareness of God's unconditional love, more loving concern for others who are suffering and a full dependence on God's mercy and kindness. As Paul said this morning, he would not change anything about 11/11/05. He just asks that God help him in his pain.

Since the surgery, Paul has done so much more than ever before. His sensitivity to light has decreased, along with his sensitivity to sound. He had his favorite music, Dream Theater, playing fairly loud last Saturday as he cleaned his room. He asked Michael if he wanted to go to the movies later that afternoon. Michael didn't really want to, so Paul told him he would pay for the tickets and also pay for them to go to lunch! Michael told me later that he had a lot of things to do, but since this was the first time that Paul actually asked him to do something with him, he decided to go. They had a great time and it was so terrific seeing those 2 walking out the front door like they used to. Paul remained very active last week. He went along with Jerry, who had a lot of errands to do in preparation for his moving to a new house. He asked us to join him on walks, he visited the neighbors on his own, stayed up late each night talking to friends on the computer. He even found that there was going to be a classical guitarist giving a free concert at Georgia State this Friday night and made plans to attend. He called Jerry and asked him if he wanted to go also and told him that he would even pay for it. He really was enjoying those days right after he got home and we were really enjoying watching him. but Sunday night, the intense headaches came back and have been constant ever since. He has not been able to go to daily Mass nor work. I am very concerned that the leak was not completely fixed as we have the tell-tale sign of fluid coming down his left nostril again. It happens just about every day, at least once. Our next appointment with Dr. McLanahan will be next Tuesday and that is an appointment I won't miss.

Now that we have seen the glimmer of what Paul would do if he didn't have such bad headaches, we are keeping our hopes up that the answers are just a little way down the road. We know that he will be a lot more like the way he was..........and so much more in tune with God! Win, Win.

There is one thing I really hope will change. He was given a pair of brown velour warm up pants in his senior year, as a joke. It was a tradition handed down by his friend Brendan Hanrahan that this brown warm up suit was worn to school during your senior year. Brendan wore it, Paul wore it, James wore it and Michael too. Well, now Paul likes to wear the pants just about every day. He has become attached to these pants because they are so comfortable. I am happy he is so comfortable, but it causes the rest of us pain to see them worn out of our home!!! They are very ugly (sorry Brendan, they are!). I bought 2 other pair of warm up pants in the hopes Paul would move out of this mode, but it has not happened yet. So, today, he will head up to Charlotte in his brown velour pants and there will be no talking him out of it. Believe me, I tried. Really Paul, RETURN TO SENDER!! That' s okay - I won't be along on the ride where I would have to look at them..............smile. Fortunately, he still believes in wearing a suit to Mass on Sunday - yahoo!

St. Francis
"I beseech you not to look about you so much, but to keep your gaze fixed on the relationship between God and you. You will never see anything but goodness in God or neediness in yourself and you will see His goodness supplying your need and your poverty the object of His bounty and compassion."

Happy St. Valentine's Day too all of you. We send our love out to you and our prayers for you, up to heaven!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca