Taking a Walk on the........Northside

While it appeared to us that we had lost the battle, we did not lose the war!
On Monday, Paul started to go downhill very quickly and we realized that the cycle had to be stopped. He was not able to eat or handle his tube feedings very well at all. The doctor who saw Paul on Monday gave him a wide spectrum antibiotic to cover what they thought might be strep throat or respiratory infection. We brought Paul home and he was absolutely wiped out. We also noticed that he had lost the ability to walk well since his tendon on the back of his left foot had started to stiffen up. When we left Shepherd, the nurse had asked me if I wanted them to dispose of the casts made for Paul lower legs and feet, and I decided that we should keep them just in case. And we did need them. Jon and I got them on Paul as soon as he was settled back in bed after the doctor appointment. We did not want to add any more issues to his down turn in health. By late afternoon Monday, I knew something was just terribly wrong and I called the hospital where he was at originally, to see how busy their ER was at that time. Paul did not have the strength to get back in the car and wait hours upon hours in a waiting room. They told me they had 2 traumas coming in and 30 patients waiting. So I decided we would take him to Northside Hospital where his internist is associated. Northside Hospital was my first choice, but I thought maybe it would be better to go to Gwinnett Medical where all his previous records were. The fact that Gwinnett Medical had a packed waiting room in the ER made the decision easy for me. (We had an appointment to see his internist on 2/20/06 anyway, for a physical to keep track of Paul's overall health as he works through his brain injury.) There was a 2 hour wait there, but Paul sat up in a chair, shivering very badly. He was wrapped up in a fleece jacket, ski jacket and a blanket. He just sat there calmly, never showing any sign of impatience. When we got to a room, they got an IV of fluids going, took blood and also catheritized Paul. Paul had not spoken any words all day, but these procedures had him expressing out loud that he was in pain. I felt so sorry for him, because through it all, he was still shivering. Yet, he kept giving us a smile whenever he looked at Jon or me. He held on for a long time, through xrays and the waiting for the diagnosis. (He did not sleep, as I am sure he was afraid to fall asleep only to be woken by a needle stabbing him somewhere!) By 2 A.M. they determined that he had pneumonia in both lungs, with the right side being worse. That really surprised me since Paul was not experiencing any breathing difficulties or coughing. I always assumed if he got pneumonia again, it would be in the left lung since it was so badly damaged in the accident and would be more suseptible to infection. He also had the beginnings of a urinary tract infection. They administered antibiotics immediately and admitted him. The hospitals are full all over town due to the flu season and so we waited until 5:30 A.M. to be taken to a room in an area for short stay patients. He is still in a holding pattern in this room until he can get a regular room. The nurse said that the hospital is experiencing lots of patients who are having to stay longer than normal and that is why Paul has not been taken to a regular room. He is in a room used for recoveries.

I had to call Shepherd Pathways to let them know Paul would not be at his Wednesday therapy. This was the 5th day Paul had missed therapy. I was concerned about how weak Paul had become and that he was missing important therapy. As it turned out, Northside is more of a rehab hospital than an acute care facility. So, no worries then. They had a speech therapist and physcial therapist coming in before 11 A.M. The speech therapist said that the pneumonia was caused by food getting into the lung and the concern was that Paul might have problems swallowing and would continue to aspirate food into his lungs. She had an xray taken with barium to see if there was any problem with Paul's swallowing. She was happy to report there is no physical reason that Paul cannot swallow and when he does, nothing is entering the lungs. This means we can continue to work with Paul eating his food by mouth, as this was not the reason he aspirated food into his lungs. One more thing we can check off the list. It was determined that he must have aspirated food when he had vomited last Thursday morning. What had started as a stomach flu, as I had suspected, resulted in pneumonia from the food getting into the lungs. Paul didn't have the ability to cough it all out at the time, so the infection set in. The urinary tract infection was starting because of the lack of fluids Paul was able to keep down in the last couple of days. While I was pushing the fluids, Paul was having a really big problem with reflux issues. This was causing his throat to be so sore and the fever was causing him to have stomach upset when food entered his stomach. He had a really vicious cycle going on. The nutritionist came in and discussed getting Paul back on a 24 hour feed that has a lot of protein to help get his strength back, so that was started this afternoon. He will be able to eat by mouth any part of his meals he would like, but they will not depend on that for his nutritional intake for the next couple of days.

The physical therapist also came in and took Paul on a walk down the hallways, wrapped in a blanket and coat to keep him warm. This made Paul look like he had a lot more weight on him than he does, but the very skinny legs below were the tell tale signs Paul is just not as 'beef' as he used to be. He did walk well and that is because Jon had gone home early in the morning and had brought back the molded casts for Paul to keep on to help him stay ready for walking. He lost all his strength on the way back to his room, and his legs were very wobbly. He fell right asleep after his 'Walk on the Northside'. She also gave us some excercises we can help Paul with to gain strength in the muscles around his left shoulder blade. He can lift his left arm when he is laying down, because his shoulder is supported. When he is sitting, he can barely lift it above his shoulder. We will work on this area to help him gain maximum recovery. We will also schedule an orthopedist appointment to have his scapula, shoulder and possible nerve damage in the forearm monitored.

Then the best part of the whole day occured this afternoon, when Paul's neurologist from Pathways called to check up on Paul. The funny thing about all this was that as we were trying to decide where to take Paul, I immediately felt the most comfortable with Northside, as I knew it is a good hospital. It was also because Paul's internist is associated with Northside and I knew he would be checking up on Paul. Dr. Schulman saw Paul about 5 years ago for Paul's 16th year physcial. He was in the group that my family had been using. We have not had anything serious since then, except when Paul had a concussion as a Freshman in high school. We went to Northside ER at that time, but Paul was sent home and we didn't need to follow up with Dr. Schulman. Here we are 5 years later, and I am talking to Dr. Taubin at Pathways. I explained why I took Paul to Northside, even though this hospital had no real connection to his accident. I just wanted to have a good internist on call to see him, since we are in the process of assemblying a team of doctors to cover all his needs. When I mentioned the name Dr. Schulman, she chuckled and said "that is my husband". I had to laugh as my mind immediately knew God's hand was weaving, weaving, weaving still. Once again, that line we have used before.... coincindence, I THINK NOT! We now have a husband/wife team for 2 of the most important parts of Paul's care. And we had no prior knowledge of this connection. How can anyone doubt the existence of God when so many of His marvelous deeds are there to be seen. How blessed are those who seek, knock and ask to know and love God more perfectly.

I can't help but wonder if this 'walk on the Northside' didn't help keep Paul from taking a 'walk on the Wild side'. It doesn't matter what the reason or purpose of God's will is in this- we're going to keep walking right beside Paul as we all find our way to better love and serve our Lord. And wait in joyful hope we watch this all unfold.

Today is the feast day of St. John Bosco. Here is a comment I found about him.

John Bosco educated the whole person; body and soul united. He believed that Christ’s love and our faith in that love should pervade everything we do — work, study, play. For John Bosco, being a Christian was a full-time effort, not a once-a-week, Mass-on-Sunday experience. It is searching and finding God and Jesus in everything we do, letting our love lead us.

It is a truth that continually plays out in our lives so visibly as we try to keep on this pathway set before us - search for God and Jesus in everything we do and let our love lead us. Praise be to God in this day.

Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

p.s. - Thanks to my brother Jim who wrote so eloquently in the last posting. That is one of my favorite things about this site - so much to learn and so many wonderful perspectives that are being shared in God's name!

Heat Wave

Jonathan and Joseph Tarantino, visiting Paul on Saturday







Sunday Night
Paul has continued with a fever of 100+ throughout the day. He ate some cereal (only thing he felt like eating this morning),a banana and later some applesauce. He has had an upset stomach on and off since Thursday. Today we thought he might not be able to keep his lunch down, but he was fine after a few moments. That same thing happened tonight when I had to administer some more Motrin. He will be seeing his doctor tomorrow to determine if it is a viral or bacterial infection. I am praying it will be bacterial so that antibiotics can be prescribed. I have not been able to get any real nutrition into him and am discouraged he is losing the much needed weight. He will sure be busy this next week working to regain it. I wonder....is there a patron saint for great appetite and weight gain? We need to get him/her on board with intercessory prayers! Smile.

Geneva came to visit today and Paul did a great job answering her questions and paying attention. He does not initiate conversation, so anyone visiting has to pose questions occasionally to get Paul involved and be a contributing participant. Paul's friends are so wonderful and patient and giving. I can hardly wait for the day when Paul can understand all that was done for him as he recovered. I know there are many changes that will take place with Paul and he will benefit from the wonderful example of all the love shown.

Jon and I did not get to go to Mass until 6 pm since we were so busy tending to Paul's needs yesterday. Michael and Geneva watched over Paul so we could go. A big thank you to both of them It was a very nice moment for us, as we have not been out of the house together and alone since Paul has been home. (Not a complaint!) It was another pocket of peace for us and we really enjoyed it.

Besides the heat wave going on with Paul, in the afternoon, afer Paul was finally sleeping soundly, I went outside to enjoy the unusual warmth and sun. I went out to my garden to do some clean up work I had intended to do before the accident. I still have the pansies in the original trays I bought the first week in November, and they have now taken root below the trays, so they are providing some color to an otherwise bleak area. The vegetable garden and rose garden needed tending so badly. Mike cut back the roses and I started to get some of the weeds pulled so that I could then begin to turn the soil. It is a fairly large vegetable garden, so I thougt it would be good to get at least an hour of work done. The sun was on my back and it felt so good to be outside, with only the sound of birds chirping. It is wonderful how God will 'talk' to you once you can quiet your mind long enough to hear. As I was pulling up the weeds, I was thinking how weird it was that some of them were still so hard to pull out, even though they were dead on the top due to the freezing weather we had. I was tugging away at one and it occured to me that it is like our sins. We are not always aware of all of our sinful ways. On the surface, it does not appear that our actions, words or thoughts are harmful to our souls and our relationship with God. As with the dead weeds, we may even think we have finally overcome some of our sinfulness. Yet, the root of that sin can still be below the surface, dormant until the right environment comes along where it will begin to grow again. A lack of prayerfulness is the beginning of that environment that allows the sin to start to grow. When I strive hard to know God and His ways, I am shown that some of my ways are very sinful and need to be taken out by the root. My sins are made known to me and I recognize them for what they are. When I am too busy with all the other things that distract me, I become fertile ground for the root to take hold. And like a garden, if I don't tend to my soul, the root of my sinfulness is harder to pull out. As I continued pulling the weeds I realized we are close to Lent and that I want to dedicate myself to a greater prayerfulness and keener awareness of all the ways I am so easily distracted. There is a discipline to gardening and I need to strive for that same discipline in my my prayer life. I look forward with great hope that both will be blooming by spring.

As my brother Jim would say,
Peace, love and sunny days ahead!

May the Light of Christ shine on you all today,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Monday Morning

Paul is now at day 6 with fever. We will keep you posted about the diagnosis we hope to get today from the doctor. Thank you so much for keeping him in your prayers. Also, remember to keep Diane and her unborn twins in your prayers, she is stable at this time, praise be to God.

Needing To Chill Out.........Literally. Prayers Are Needed

First and most importantly, I would like to ask everyone to please pray for Diane, who is the sister of Marie (Jon's wife). She is pregnant with twins and at 5 months has experienced contractions. It is much too early for these babies to be born and we are asking that you pray for the health of both Diane and the twins. Thank you so much for responding to this urgent request.


Since Wednesday, Paul has been battling the flu. His temperature has been around 101 and we are trying to keep him cooled down with plenty of fluids, rest and Tylenol. He has lost the weight he was able to gain and is very weak and lethargic. We are asking for your prayers again at this time. We are doing everything we can to make sure he does not end up back in a hospital.

Today, Jonathan and Joseph Tarantino stopped by to see how Paul was doing. We always enjoy all the young people who come by, since our home is then filled with their laughter and energy. It is also great for Michael, since Paul used to take him with him so often and Paul's friends were Michael's friends. All three sons have looked out for Michael and that is what has made this all especially hard for him. He really misses spending time with them all. He checks in on Paul everyday, and sits and talks to him, but it is hard for him, since Paul doesn't really talk much, if at all. I know Michael is looking for the day when he can drive Paul around and just hang out with him. I keep picturing those kinds of moments in my head, which helps me to keep my thoughts on the future and my faith in God.

When the Tarantino's were here, Paul was in his lounge chair, and listened to the conversations among us all. He nodded when he was asked questions, but did not move at all. He had been in his room all day, and so we moved him downstairs to be with the family for a little bit. We then took him back upstairs after about 2 hours. Also, Brenda Stoll and her young son Nicholas stopped by to bring dinner to us. Nicholas made a wonderful card for Paul and on the front, drew Paul playing a guitar. Paul gave him the thumbs up sign after he read it.

We had hoped to go to adoration today at 11:00 A.M., but since Paul was so sick, only Jon got to go. He came home and I was so glad to see him, as I had been so busy with Paul's needs. He jumped right in and helped me in numerous ways. Later, when we had a chance to sit down and have a late lunch, I thanked him for all that he had done. He said that my saying that reminded him of the reading he had seen while in adoration. He was reading the Liturgy of the Hours, which are prayers and scripture readings for morning, afternoon and evening hours of the day, for everyday use. The midday reading was this:

Galatians 5:26; 6:2

Let us never be boastful, or challenging, or jealous toward one another. Help carry one another's burdens; in that way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

What joy to see a family united in love!
-the blessing of God rests upon it.

Prayer:
Lord, fill us with the resplendent light of your eternal love. May we love you above all things, and our brother and sisters for your sake. Grant this through Christ our Lord.

When Jon read this to me also, we reflected on how many people have shown their love for us, without boasting or expecting anything in return. The hundreds of prayers that have carried Paul on his road to recovery, and carried our family in the peace of Christ. I cannot describe in words the amount of joy I have felt in my heart all these past weeks, and I know it is your prayers that have been my saving grace. There are so many kind actions that people have taken to help lighten our load. People who have quietly prayed steadily for Paul, sent cards, called to cheer us up,posted beautiful comments, brought food, visited - our brothers and sisters in Christ living the Gospels with great faith and love. The light of Jesus Christ shines through all of you, which has brought yet one more gift to us - a spiritual renewal and growth in faith, love and hope. I wish I could personally hug all of you. I will send up my prayers of thanksgiving to God for each of you, with trust that your rewards will be waiting for you in heaven!

I did not want to forget to mention that on Jon's birthday on Friday, I had Paul call his dad to wish him a happy birthday. He talked to his dad with clear answers and it was terrific to hear him. I was immediately reminded how far we have come since my birthday, when Paul had only been awake from his coma for about 4 days. God amazes me. I have realized recently that even though Paul is in a very dependent and confused state, he has made me laugh or get tears of joy in my eyes everyday. I enjoy such tiny little things he does every day and while it may seem that his state of mind and body would cause me more intense sadness, I smile and laugh often while I am tending to Paul. God has provided me with just enough of these simple joys to keep my hope alive for Paul's recovery. At night, I watch him sleep, just as I have almost everynight with each son since their birth. I would end my day by looking at each of their faces for a few minutes, to remind me that they were gifts from God. It would help erase some of the frustrations encountered on the tough days, and would give me the renewed love and strength needed to start the next day. And believe me, being outnumbered like I was..........we had some tough days! Watching Paul sleep helps me realize the miracle of his life. Yes, God constantly surprises and amazes me.

Heart of Christ, who brings healing to the lowly and the weak, let us know your loving kindness, show yourself to all who seek. Amen.

Love,
Jon and Rebecca

THERE IS NO JUICE IN JELL-O

Paul has always been the strong willed child, with a very passive aggressive type response to things he did not like. If it weren't for the fact that he is actually running a fever, I would swear that he was getting back at me for 'sneaking' in a daily dose of vegetables and fruits. He had a low grade fever Tuesday night, which we realized after he had been very chilled when we went to Target that evening. He was shivering, so we didn't stay and finish what we went to get. I got him all bundled up, but on Wednesday morning he said he had a stomach ache and headache. I kept a watch on him and he seemed fine in the later afternoon. I even took him for a short visit to DTSi, to see Richard Watson, his employer and boss. (Richard was not in the office the first time we visited.)
He ate very well during the day on Wednesday, and I got in all the daily requirements of fruit/vegetables with the organic juice supply on hand. I was feeling pretty good about how nutritious the meals were. Wednesday night, Paul did not eat, he did not get out of bed at all. Thursday morning, he seemed lethargic, but okay. He did not have a fever, so I proceeded to get him ready for his rehab at 9:00 AM, and was completely ready to go when Paul provided a visual aid as to how upset his stomach was. I spent the next hour and a half cleaning up and getting Paul back into bed. It was a very tough morning for both of us. Much later in the day, when I could actually laugh about it all, Jon and I kidded about how this would be just like Paul to let us know he didn't like being 'duped' by getting his nutrition 'slipped' down the tube! Or that he sure went to extreme measures to let us know the next meal had better be from Subway! I have kept him on clear liquids and Jell-O (don't worry Paul - no nutrition there-smile!) until this evening and then I diluted his normal formula with water. He was able to keep that down. He is now running a fever of 100.1 and I am sure he must have a stomach virus. Please keep him in your prayers, as he does not need to lose any more weight. In fact, I was just recently telling my sister that he had gained 5 pounds. We have back tracked in other areas, and I don't want to give up any weight!

To go back to his visit at DTSi, it was a wonderful visit for Paul. He walked in and went straight to his desk. He sat down and turned on his computer. Everyone was very busy getting letters ready for the mail that day, and there are hundreds that have to be prepared. That was Paul's usual job, so Lisa jokingly gave Paul a pile of letters to get posted with certified mail receipts. He started to do them without any problem!! We were amazed. I was so happy to see that he really does remember so many things. I have been worried about his not wanting to eat or being able to swallow liquids, so his remembering this old task was a really bright spot for me. Richard was at lunch, so we waited a bit longer until he came back. Paul followed him into his office and sat at Richard's desk. They were checking out the newest compter which has a camera installed in it, so Richard took a few pictures of them together. Paul had not talked all this time, so I asked him to say something so Richard could hear his voice. He said hello and Richard said that was all he needed to hear! He had not seen Paul since Gwinnett Medical Center.

It is amazing the way Paul's brain has been working in bits and pieces. I never know what will make a connection or not. One very funny thing happened on Monday. I had picked him up from therapy and asked him if he wanted a roast beef sandwich from Subway and he said "no, not really." I asked him about a hamburger from Wendy's and got the same answer, "no, not really." I asked him about 2 other options and he again said "no, not really" in response. I was thinking that he was not really listening to me or was maybe stuck in a cycle of the same response. So I said that I thought of something really fun for us to do and that was to go look at wallpaper. Paul looked over at me and said "that's a definite no to that one." I laughed very, very hard and told him that his dad would be very happy to hear that! Jon has always said that there is nothing that makes his eyes glaze over faster than they do when we have looked for wallpaper. Like father, like son.

Posted below is the message of January 25th, that the Blessed Mother told the visionary Marjana, in Medjugorje, Croatia. It is always so appropriate for me when I do read her messages. While the Catholic Church has not commented on these visions of the Blessed Mother, there have been so many stories of conversions and greater prayerfulness and holiness experienced by the pilgrims who have traveled there at great expense and inconvenience. Traveling in that part of the world is not a very smooth process, yet millions have gone to see the mountain where the 7 visionaries have been receiving messages for over 20 years now. They still live in the village to speak to all the pilgrims who come and to give Blessed Mother's messages to the world. There is a monthly message on the 25th of each month and since Paul's accident, these messages have really struck a chord with me. I just have to help spread this Good News.

Message from Our Lady of Medjugorje - January 25, 2006

“Dear children! Also today I call you to be carriers of the Gospel in your families. Do not forget, little children, to read Sacred Scripture. Put it in a visible place and witness with your life that you believe and live the Word of God. I am close to you with my love and intercede before my Son for each of you. Thank you for having responded to my call.”

____________________
This message was transmitted by Mary to the visionary Marija and then translated into many languages.
____________________

This has been true with so many who have shared the Good News with us on this blog site. The Good News is that the Word of God was made flesh, in Jesus Christ our Savior. There have been so many quotes from Sacred Scripture that have helped us see that God is with His people and He loves us so much He sent His only Son.

This message came on the feast of St. Paul who was one of the most prolific writers in the bible. May we all allow God to open our eyes and help us receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit in our lives as we follow His will. Just as St. Paul did and prayerfully as Paul will do as he recovers. Paul is on an anti depressant and since he did not get the full amount due to being sick this morning, he did cry this afternoon. I decided it was a good time to help him sort through some of his feeliings. I asked him a number of questions about his sadness and he is very upset that he can't remember anything, that he feels confused and he misses his brothers and friends. He will need to deal with the enormity of what has been allowed to happen. I reminded him to pray to Jesus whenever he is feeling sadness, fear, frustration. I will keep reminding him of this very life saving love that Jesus offers to everyone. I will keep reminding him until it becomes the best habit he has going! Pray that he will be open to the pathway that God has set him upon.

Love to everyone,
Jon and Rebecca

Juiced Up

We have been concerned lately about whether Paul's regression, which he has had over the past few weeks, might be due to his medications. We are in the process of doing some research into the exact time frame of when he started each of his 4 medications and the onset of his inability to swallow food and liquids and his inability to talk whenever someone is asking him questions. The food issue is slowly resolving itself, but only for one or 2 meals a day. Dinner is almost always not eaten, and I am not sure if it is because of the medications he is on. When we read the side affects, they all cause loss of appetite and drowsiness. Paul would sleep the whole day away if we let him. We have to steer him away from couches whenever possible, so that he stays sitting up. Please keep us in your prayers as we try to find the best possible course of action to take for Paul's recovery. Our son Jon has done some research into natural and organic foods and we have started to add organic blueberry juice, fresh vegetable juices and freshly squeezed fruit juice to his feedings. My sister found that blueberries and strawberries are very beneficial for the brain. God has provided us with all we need on earth, and sometimes I feel the medical profession prescribes medications before making sure it is the best option. Our concerns are about the mix of medications and their side affects. Paul has enough problems to overcome, and to cause complications from medication is the last thing he needs. If there is any information you have read about or know first hand and think it may be helpful, please feel free to email me at rafidero@mindspring.com.

On Tuesday, Jon and I both were feeling so sad all of a sudden. It was funny how we both were feeling the same way and had not spoken about it to each other. We had finished dinner and I was still sitting with Paul, watching him just look at his plate and Jon was doing the dishes. I was fighting back tears as I started to remember Paul as he had been and I got up from the table to go into the kitchen so that he would not see me cry and Jon was leaning over the sink, struggling with his emotions. I was glad I had come into the kitchen so we could share the moment together. We both had felt despair about all the problems Paul would have to over come, if he would be able to at all. Since we have never experienced any of this and there is no certain outcome, we both got caught up in the 'what ifs'. We hugged each other and we said a prayer for Paul and for the knowledge to know what we needed to be doing for him. It is amazing how much peace there is when we can immediately place all our fears, doubts and sorrow in the Blessed Mother's hands and ask her to intercede for us.

Today (Wednesday) was the feast day of the Conversion of St. Paul. Our prayer today was for St. Paul to also pray with us for Paul's healing. I remembered something the chaplain had told me when Paul was at Gwinnett Medical Center. She reminded me that St. Paul spent 40 days after his conversion in the desert. He took that time to prepare to go out and spread the Good News of Jesus Christ. I smiled as I thought about that and then reminded myself (yes, again!)that God knows how long He needs our Paul (and us) to be in the desert and that it is all in His plan for Paul. Then, the best part of this was a call I received from Dee Huggins, whose son also suffered a serious brain injury about 18 months ago. I knew in just a few minutes of talking with her that God had ONE MORE TIME sent someone to help me find the courage I needed to walk this very long road. Dee reminded me that Paul is 'walking from Lilburn to California' and he is not out of Georgia yet! Her words brought so much comfort and also more insight. Paul is in the very earliest stages of his recovery and he has made great progress. The fact that he had eaten before and had not had problems with swallowing only confirms that he has nothing physically or neurologically wrong. I will keep praying that God will lead the medical team and us to the answer. And of course, In His time. That is a tough time frame for this impatient mom................smile. Dee also gave the most perfect analogy concerning Paul's 'plateau' that he seems to have gotten stuck on. She said that while his progress seems to have stopped, it is because his brain is in the process of repairing itself. She said that when a car is being fixed, the engine is turned off. His brain cannot progress and repair itself at the same time. So he is in the 'repairing mode'. With that explanation, I reflected on how God guided our son Jon to provide me with all that information about giving the most beneficial food for Paul. Great timing! I also had to laugh about how awesome God's timing was in that Paul would never on his own drink a mixture of juices from bananas, kiwi, spinach, blueberries, mangos, dragon fruit, strawberries, apples and carrots! It is no problem with the feeding tube - plenty of milk and the oragnic fruit and vegetable juices for our Paul and he doesn't have to taste it. It is a win-win situation.

The most important lesson that Dee shared from this feast day of St. Paul was the homily that the priest gave at Mass today. He reminded everyone that to have a conversion, there is usually suffering involved. There is first an experience of hardship before the conversion can take place. It is so true, that if we are going to be converted in our ways and be able to follow the way God has intended for us, we have to die unto our old self and be made new. Not an easy thing to do, as we have free will and the earthly ways can seem so much more attractive, appealing and easy a route to take. My greatest consolation is knowing I won't be walking this way alone. God sends people, angels and the Holy Spirit to be our companions. How awesome is that??

So, ONE MORE TIME I thank God for hearing my prayer for the strength to deal with this and for surrounding me with the love of these other children of God!

Go out to all the world and tell the Good News. (Mk 16:15)

On the road to Damascus, St. Paul was freed from the law of sin and death to become a willing slave to the law of life and love given in Jesus Christ.

Psalm 19
The law of the Lord is perfect, it revives the soul.
The rule of the lord is to be trusted, it gives wisdom to the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right, they gladden the heart.
The command of the Lord is clear, it gives light to the eyes.

The fear of the Lord is holy, abiding for ever.
The decrees of the Lord are truth and all of them just.

They are more to be desired than gold, than the purest of gold, and
sweeter are they than honey, than honey from the comb.

So in them your servant finds instruction; great reward is in their keeping.
But who can detect all his errors? From hidden faults acquit me.

May the spoken words of my mouth, the thoughts of my heart,
win favor in your sight, O Lord, my rescuer, my rock!

In this day, grant the wisdom of the cross to all those who wish to serve you Lord.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Music is the Spice of Life

Sing a new song unto the Lord, sing it loud and clear on mountains high.
Sing a new song unto the Lord, singing Alleluia!

That verse came to mind this morning as I was thinking over our day yesterday. It was a quiet sort of day, maybe because of the rain. Paul went to therapy at Pathways, and as always, he did not remember where he was or why he was there. That part still makes me wonder about his amount of recovery and certainly affirms the fact that it will be a long, long row to hoe for Paul. We got home and he was not feeling very well, so he laid down on the couch for awhile. I fixed his lunch and he ate it all. Right after he finished, John and Justin came by. They work at DTSi and they came by to say hello to Paul, since John had not been in the office when Paul was there last week. They also wanted to show Paul the new car that Justin had to get after his own accident. I was shocked to hear about Justin's accident, and thank God he was not hurt. His other vehicle was totaled after another vehicle turned in front of him. I am a claims adjuster, and I have come to be so much more empathetic to those who have been injured, most especially when there are more serious injuries. Since it is so much more personal now, it will help me be more effective in this job. Anyway, to get back on track here..........John and Justin walked out to the car with Paul and he opened the front door and got in the passenger side. John said "it looks like we are going to be going for a ride with Paul!" They took Paul for a ride around the neighborhood and brought him back. He had not recognized them at first, but after asking Paul a few questions, John was able to help Paul remember their names and where he knew them from. They were both so wonderfully patient with Paul. The visits from friends always benefit Paul so much, and we are looking forward to seeing his friends come by for visits as often as they can. It helps Paul make more connections in his mind.

After they left, we sat on the front porch for a little bit, since it had stopped raining and Abby Dog wanted to chase after her bright new tennis balls that Aunt Kelly had bought for her right before they left. Paul threw the ball a couple of times, but then he just didn't feel well enough to continue. He went inside and laid down again and slept for a very long time. There are so many people with colds, so I let him sleep for as long as he needed. He stayed fairly lethargic through the evening, and did not want any dinner. Jon, Mike and I stayed with him in his room in the evening and we started to ask him questions about different topics. We asked him to name countries, gave him math problems to solve, music theory questions, spelling and word association questions. He answered about 70% of them and then I asked him if he could sing a few notes with me. We started with Do Re Mi and he sang it back, but very off key. We all started to laugh and he actually laughed out loud, which caused him to start coughing a little bit. He does not take in enough air in his diaphram to sustain any more than a couple of words when he does speak out loud, so laughing caused him to lose his breath more quickly. He kept smiling and his shoulders were shaking as he laughed softly. We sang the ABC song and he followed along, but didn't actually say the letters out loud. We stopped just a few notes before the end, so he could finish it out loud by himself. He did only the last 2 and we told him what a great job he had done with his singing lesson. It left us all so happy and the moment will be relived in my mind for a long time. We will continue to work with Paul with these kinds of things, so that he can have mini therapy sessions throughout his day. He was in Chorus in high school and also at GA State University and he liked to sing. He was not pursuing singing, but it was required for his music degree. I am excited about getting him to sing more, as it will really help him project his voice, since he will be required to take in more air to accomplish it.

I have heard it said that when you sing, you pray twice. Last night brought the joy and peace that prayer always does for me and I fell asleep smiling, as I remembered Paul's face after he sang for the first time.

Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing ore the plains.
And the mountains in reply, echoing their soft refrain.

Paul, my angel, was heard on high!

May the voice of your guardian angel sing softly in your heart today, leading you to God's will.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

A MASSive Effort and Reward!

Jon, Paul and Fr. Paddy








Fr. Paddy administers the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick for Paul after Mass







Paul does the sign of the cross with holy water as we leave church






I have always loved singing the GLORIA at Mass each Sunday. There have been so many times in my life when I find myself singing this prayer, whether the moment is one of sadness or joy. In these last 10 weeks, I have come to understand even more clearly that we need to lovingly praise God in all things.

THE GLORIA

Glory to God in the highest, and peace to His people on earth.
Lord, God, heavenly King, Almighty God and Father, we worship you,
we give you thanks, we praise you for your glory.
Lord Jesus Christ, only Son of the Father,
Lord God, Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world:
have mercy on us;
you are seated at the right hand of the Father:
receive our prayer.
For you alone are the Holy One, you alone are the Lord,
you alone are the Most High, Jesus Christ, with the
Holy Spirit, in the glory of God the Father. Amen.

Today, with tears in my eyes, I sang this prayer with my heart and a love for God that felt like it would burst my heart open. God, in His goodness, allowed Paul to be in between Jon and I at Mass today. The waiting these last 10 weeks was rewarded far more wonderfully than I could have imagined. We got up at 6 A.M. in the hopes of getting to the 8:30 Mass on time. We made it with only about 4 minutes to spare. I was happy when Paul was able to tell us where he was when we walked in. We went over to Fr. Paddy and Paul shook his hand, then hugged him. Fr. Paddy told Paul he looked 'grand' and Paul answered "So do you!" We walked to our usual place and Jon started to help Paul, thinking he would just sit down in the pew. Instead, Paul stopped and genuflected and did the sign of the cross. He remembered! Jon looked over at me with a look of complete surprise and happiness. We could not believe our eyes. Paul spends so much of his day in what appears to be a confused fog, yet he will surprise us with things like this.

Paul was doing well and was sitting and standing at the correct times. He needed to leave at the Offertory to use the restroom and I thought that that would be the exent of his attendance. About 20 minutes passed and after I received Communion, I went out to let Jon come back so he could receive Communion also. He and Paul were just coming back, so Jon walked him up the middle aisle and they were the last 2 receiving Communion. After Mass ended, Fr. Paddy announced that Paul was back at church for the first time since his accident and asked everyone to keep praying for his recovery and our family since we still had a long way to go. Then everyone started to clap for Paul and he smiled at us and then looked around, smiling at the people. He was hugged and welcomed back by a number of our friends and he handled it all very well. I knew he would not remember any of this an hour later, but in the moment, he was very happy. And we would remember it forever for him.

The sweetest thing about Paul these days is his gentle nature. It has been magnified since the accident. He readily hugs people when they come to visit and he always thanks Jon, Michael or me for just about everything we do for him. He is so patient with all the things I have to do for him throughout the day and the only sign of stubborness is at 5:45 A.M. each morning. He does not like waking up early - never has!(I can relate heavily.......smile.) It takes about 20 minutes of helping him sit up and then stand and then walk to the shower. He says "one more minute", "5 more minutes" or "no thanks, not right now Dad" when Jon tells him it is time to get up. He then stands in the shower for about 20 minutes and there is no hurrying him. We let him enjoy it as we feel he has earned his long showers.

I do find so much joy in caring for Paul. He shows his love for us so often and I know he is very secure in the fact that he is loved in return. He is so content at home. I pray everyday for his continued recovery and look forward to the day he is able to get back into the world on his own. But for right now, I am grateful to God for all the moments I have been able to share with Paul. He again won't remember much of this, but I will. I am thankful to God for the grace to find joy in each day, even though there is so much to do in caring for Paul and there is no certainty about how much recovery Paul will have. While I pray and look forward to the day Paul will be able to live on his own and enjoy life in every way a parent hopes for their children, I am content with the love God shows for us each day through Paul and those who are supporting us in so many ways.

This day was so much more special because I was signed up for adoration at 4 P.M. at Corpus Christi Catholic Church. (There are Catholic churches throughout the world where people sign up to pray for an hour. That means that every hour of every day, people are praying for the needs of their families, friends and the world.) I was thinking about how our family has been so blessed with Paul's life, his continued recovery and the love in which our family has been surrounded, and that as a family, we should sit together in prayerfulness in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. I prayed that Paul would be awake and be cooperative at this time. Each day is a bit different and I am never sure how Paul will feel at a particular time. At 3:15 we started to get Paul up from a nap and he miraculously got up within about 8 minutes and we were in the car by 3:40. We got there in plenty of time. One memory I will always have is Paul taking his Dad's hand as they walked into church together. We sat in prayer for the full hour and then stopped for chinese take out food on the way home. Paul ate fairly well, but then he took a sip of milk and his effort came to a stop. Mike and I glanced at each other, hoping he would be able to swallow it. I got up and stood behind Paul and prayed for Jesus to help him. It took about 2 minutes, but Paul finally swallowed the milk! He was able to swallow 2 more drinks of milk. The last sip he was not able to swallow, but I continued to thank Jesus for helping him.

Then the most wonderful thing happened. Mike had gone into the front room and was playing the piano, and he called out to Jon and Paul to come in and 'jam' with him. Jon got Paul's favorite guitar and handed it to him and then they all did some warming up. After about 10 minutes, Jon started to play a song he and Paul played and Paul started to play a solo part and it was exactly the same thing he used to do. The timing and notes were perfect for the chords that Jon was playing. Jon just looked over at me and I knew it was pure joy for him in that moment in time with his son. He and Paul used to play together so much and were working on music for some mini concerts they wanted to play for friends and family out on our deck. Jon has been playing his guitar almost nightly since the accident and it has made me cry hearing him in that room all alone. I knew it was Jon's way of finding some comfort in all of this, playing with the hope of Paul joining him again. And this was the night it happened! Paul went on to play things he knew and was doing it fairly well. After about 25 more minutes, Paul lifted his guitar up and Jon took it from him. Paul was exhausted and he laid his head down on the pillow on the couch. He would have stayed there all night if we had let him. We helped him upstairs and got him settled in for the night.

Tonight, I could hardly wait to share all this with everyone. I had started to write this posting earlier this morning, then all these wonderfully sweet events kept unfolding. All of this has helped me remember that as long as we keep trusting in the love of Jesus, He will illuminate our pathways and will lead us. My prayers for Paul and his recovery will be according to God's will. And I will walk contentedly beside Jesus, with my hand in His. As I have watched Paul and shared so much time with him in this last week and a half, I have been so thankful for all the wonderful memories I will have for life, of his gentle smile and ways. It is a gift from God.

Glory to God in the highest, and peace to his people on earth.

May the Light of Christ shine before you and within you.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Stand by me

Paul, Mike and Abby taking it easy





Paul was exceptionally tired today when I picked him up at 3 P.M. from his therapy sessions. We started out the day with a prolonged effort of getting Paul out of bed. We had to move his legs off the bed and then help him sit up on the side of it. From there we got him standing and then walking to the bathroom. He started out very tired at 5:45 A.M. and finished tonight as a very exhausted young man. As tired as he was, he was able to get up off the couch with no help at all. This was a first for him. He has damage to his left ear and consequently, is very dizzy and off balance as he gets up from a resting position. This evening, his younger brother Michael relieved me of the duty of getting Paul upstairs for the bed time process. He stood by Paul and asked him if he could get up all by himself and then backed away to see if Paul could do it without a lot of cueing and physical help. He stood by very patiently, encouraging Paul to get himself up off the couch. This meant Paul would have to figure out how to get up and not fall off the couch since he had no one to help him get his balance. He also had to have the strength to do it, which would be difficult because it was the end of a very long day. Paul gave the usual 'one min
ute' gesture and after a moment, he brought his right knee up to his chest and clasped his arms around his bent knee and 'rocked' himself up to a sitting position. He then swung his legs to the floor, and after waiting another moment, stood up from the couch. Mike stood behind him as he climbed up the stairs and went into the bathroom to get his teeth brushed. All Paul needed was someone to 'Stand by me.' I am so thankful to God for the help given by Michael (and also that he was not hurt in the accident!) I found myself praying as I followed them both up the stairs. My prayer was of total thanksgiving for all the wonders of the past 68 days and the happiness I have so often experienced on my pathway.

The music therapist told me today that Paul played the guitar for almost an hour. I am very glad to know they are working with Paul through music. It is a real connection for him. Last night, Paul had finally played guitar with his dad again. It was so much fun listening to the music coming from the front room and seeing Jon's face as he shared this with Paul after all this time. It was just as fun finding Paul's favorite guitar pick in the bottom of the washer this morning.............just like I found it so many times in years past! I absolutely love these simple pleasures in life.


Each day brings signs that God's hand is guiding us along. He shows me that I am not alone, nor is anyone for that matter. I will feel sad or discouraged by how much of the day Paul spends in a mental fog, then he will do something that makes me laugh out loud or well up with joyful tears. I know immediately that God is pouring out His strength and love. At times I have felt so unworthy of all this love that has carried me through all these days. I know I can not earn His love, but I feel like I fall short so many times in my efforts to love Him more perfectly. A few days ago I realized that I had missed so many opportunities to be prayerful with Paul. We had been driving to and from Pathways and I did not remember once to say prayers with him. When I thought of it, in shock and dismay, I had to wonder why God would keep sending me signs of His love, when I fail him so miserably. Then, last night, I picked up Voume I in a series on spirituality. (Thank you Sue and Chris Kane for the full set!) The books were written by a woman named Anne, who is a mother of six children, a wife and a Secular Franciscan. In the first few pages, I read these words - "Jesus said, 'I did not come to you because you were worthy. I won't leave you because you are not." So often, as I meditate on things in my life and my relationship with God, I am sent specific responses that provide answers or confirm my thoughts and prayers. I know in my heart that God is letting me know to continue to persevere, even though I may fail. I have had these books since Christmas, and without any thought, picked one of them up as I headed upstairs that night. And there was an answer to the questioning and doubt I was experiencing. Once again I was reminded of the words of Jesus "Ask and you will receive, Seek and you will find, Knock and the door will be opened." God allows us to practice this every day.

A glimmer of Paul came through today. After we got home, he slept for about 2 hours. I woke him up so that he would be totally awake when it came time for dinner. I asked him if he would like to come downstairs and sit in his lounge chair. Prior to the accident, Paul and Mike had the habit of substituting the word 'meow' for 'now'. It came from a movie they had seen. So the response today when I asked Paul if he wanted to come downstairs was "No thanks, not right meow." So I went downstairs by myself, but with a great big smile on my face.

This evening, Patty Palmquist and her daughter Kara stopped by for a visit. They brought Paul a rosary that Paul's brother Jon had given them after he had come back from Medjugorje, Croatia. Jon had the rosary with him when he was with the visionary Ivan, during an apparition of the Blessed Mother. He was told it had been blessed during the apparition. Patty felt called to bring it back to Paul. So,this will be the rosary we will use to pray on our way to and from Pathways! Hopefully, Paul will also be able to use it again in the months ahead when he can join us when we go on our monthly 5 mile rosary walk. 3 years ago, the Palmquists invited anyone from our parish to join them in a monthly rosary walk around Stone Mountain. Unfortunately, we have not been able to be with them since October and can hardly wait to get back on track as it has brought many blessings to those of us who have been a part of it.

I also wanted to thank Skip Gibbs (who works at GuideOne Insurance) and the people at Sunrise Baptist Church. One of the ministries at the church is to provide 'prayer blankets' to people who are sick or need comforting. Paul is covered with his 'prayer blanket' in the picture that is posted above. There is a patch that is sewn on the blanket with the following prayer:

To A Very Special Person,
This prayer blanket is an expression of God's love for you. We pray that it will bring you comfort. When life gets tough, wrap yourself in it and remember you are loved.
"Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

Your Friends at Sunrise Baptist Church, Lawrenceville GA

Skip gave it to me a few days after Paul's accident, and told me that he got all the ministers from the church together that day to pray before bringing us this blanket. It has been used by me on a number of occasions when I was sitting with Paul during his stay at Gwinnett Medical Hospital. They had to keep Paul's room very cold because of his fevers and I believe also, in an effot to help keep the brain from swelling too much. So I wrapped up in it to keep warm, and it worked exactly as it was supposed to. Now, Paul has it with him everyday.

God has come to our family in hundreds of ways through so many people. Our sincerest thanks to all. May grace, mercy and peace be with you from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Surprise Visit to DTSi

These pictures are from Paul's visit to DTSi today. It was great seeing him remember everyone and also watching him walk through the offices. It was obvious he knew where he was. Thanks to the wonderful people at DTSi who have shown such terrific support to Paul and our family as he recovers! God bless all of you. We are looking forward to the day when Paul will actually stay longer and get some work done!
(You can double click on the pictures to make them larger, as with all the pictures on this site) The posting of today's highlights are below the set of pictures.


Paul's private parking space-It was closer than the handicapped space!






Paul warming up his chair at DTSi









Paul at DTSi with Sandy, Debbie, Lisa, Justin, Tim and Abby Dog

I get by with a little help from my friends...

Jon commented a few days ago that as time goes on, the readership will probably fall off and that maybe I should post a title like "Angelina Jolie dumps Brad Pitt for Paul" to keep people's interest up!

I know that this process of Paul's recovery is a bit like watching grass grow or paint dry,so thank you for sticking with us and cheering us all on!

Actually, today was a very fun day for us and I got my first 'joke' from Paul. I was going to apply his eye medication and each time I have tried to do this, I have had to explain what I am doing. Paul does not remember and he asks every time, what am I going to do to him. He is not very trusting when it comes to anyone putting their hands near his eye. So I finished explaining what I would be doing and he gave me the 'one minute' sign. I told him we were running short on time and told him to please trust me. I said I would count back from 5 and would then put the medication in. He asked me "which eye?" I had a puzzled look as I said "the left eye." He looked at me and said "It was a joke." Earlier, when I had asked him to pick up the fork and eat what was on it, he asked me "what happens if I don't?" I laughed and said "nothing will happen and your feeding tube won't be taken out either." He thought for a moment and then ate another bite. Paul learned again what WIN-WIN means......smile.

The hard (and sad) part about all of this is that Paul does not remember anything from the day before - at least 90% is forgotten. We have started to let his friends come visit if they call, but have told them that the visit benefits Paul a lot, but they may not get much out of it. Paul doesn't really talk unless asked questions and then he will answer with a yes or no. Mostly he will use his hands to signal his reply. It is an act of love for those who visit and we appreciate the loyalty of his friends and family.

Paul is eating more and had 2 pieces of Domino's Pizza last night - and he finished it in about 15 minutes, which is 45 minutes shorter than any other meal so far! Mike thought Paul might like some pizza again, so he ordered it and I was very glad about the idea, as I had a break from cooking. We put a fire in the fireplace, as it was cold and rainy outside, put a movie in and waited for the pizza to be delivered. It was a wonderful evening and a reminder once again of how blessed we are to have Paul alive and with us at home. It was also a reminder to me of how I used to take so much for granted. There have been so many special memories like this evening since Paul's accident and I am so glad we will have a record of some of his accomplishments. Not to mention the encouragement of friends and family to keep our spirits high, as we watch 'the grass grow'!

I want to quickly mention something that should have been included in a prior posting. I forgot to thank Geneva for all her terrific help this past weekend. She came by and helped me get organized so that I would not always be scrambling trying to find everything I needed in the care of Paul. There is now a designated area for the medications and supplies. Also, I finally got caught up on all the laundry that got backed up after my washer broke this past Saturday. Geneva took care of the downstairs while I got all of Paul's belongings from the hospital, back into his room. I have realized that I have not had the time to send out the thank you cards I have had since about 2 weeks after the accident. There are so many people I would like to thank for the dinners sent over, the phone calls and cards that have been sent and the money contributed for Paul's medical needs. We have been so overwhelmed by the generosity of everyone and I want to say that I have not forgotten anything that has been done. It is still my goal to send my personal thanks to a lot of people! Please be patient, as I continue to try to find my way on this new road I am on. God knows what each of you have done and may your rewards flow from heaven above for your love and generosity.

After the visit from family this weekend, it occurred to me that Paul needs to reconnect with his past. He has done so well being home, and is so relaxed and content. I know that he needs to reconnect with familiar things in his life, so I picked him up at Pathways today, stopped for some food and also picked up Abby Dog. We then went to DTSi for a visit. I was not really sure how to get there, so once I got closer, I explained to Paul where we were going and asked him to help me not miss the street. There are 4 driveways into other businesses and at the street past these driveways there is a street that you need to turn left. Paul said as we got to the 1st driveway, "not this one" then repeated the same words as we went past the next 3 driveways. At the entrance to the office building, he told me to turn left. He knew exactly where we were. On one of the parking spaces, Lisa Hanrahan had made a sign that said:

RESERVED FOR PAUL
DO NOT PARK HERE

She had 2 flags flyng at the top! It was so sweet and I worked hard not to start crying. I had not noticed it when I first pulled in, as I was trying to see which door was the entrance and wanted to park close to it. I saw it when Paul and I were walking in.

Paul walked right in and knew where he was. He went to Richard's office and sat down. Everyone sat around him and we talked while Paul took it all in. I had not been here before, so we went back to Paul's office that he shares with Lisa and he sat at his computer and tried to open it. I asked if he remembered any of it and he said no, but he kept clicking away checking it all out. The phone rang and I have to admit, I was a bit afraid he would answer it! We had a wonderful visit and after realizing that everyone at DTSi had not had lunch yet, I thanked them all so much for their wonderful support and the friendship they have offered Paul and our family and we went back home. Lisa sent Paul on his way with a box of cookies, two of which he ate on the way home.


"You saw how the Lord, your God, carried you, as a man carries his child, all along your journey until you arrived at this place. (Dt 1:31)

Paul is 'getting by with a little help from his friends. You have all helped carry him along his journey and have been faithful servants of God, living God's Word through your actions and love.


In this bright sun filled day, my heart can hardly contain my joy. While the news of Paul finally eating some food, telling a joke or visiting co-workers is not as thrilling to some who might prefer to hear what Brad Pitt is doing, it remains HEALINE NEWS in our world!

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with us all.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

A new cure has been found...............Aunt Kelly's Spinach Dip!

We will be contacting the New England Journal of Medicine to provide all the scientific details of our study concerning the excellent recovery of Paul's ability to eat and swallow food once again. We will then encourage Aunt Kelly to bottle and sell this incredible cure for public consumption!

Yesterday, I was encouraged by the fact that Paul ate his fruit and some of his eggs for breakfast. It was a very long process to get him to finish that much, but he did show that he could swallow food. When we got home from his therapy, I was not sure what to prepare for lunch, so I fixed some chicken, green beans and a grilled cheese sandwich. I also set out some of Aunt Kelly's terrific spinach dip with cut up pieces of french bread to use with the dip. There was also a bowl of cut up fruit. He looked at everything I had set down, then pointed to the spinach dip. I fixed a few pieces of the bread/dip and set it on his plate. He started to eat that immediately, and about 10 pieces later (and these were fairly good size hunks of bread with dip) he stopped and gave me the thumbs up. I had been alternating fixing some for him and some for me, so that we both could enjoy this delicious treat. It is common knowledge in the whole family that all of my sons really enjoy Aunt Kelly's dip and she has never failed to make it for them when she is with us or if they are visiting the Brown's in Napaerville. Actually, I don't think there has been a family event that it has not been served! I tried to make it one Christmas and my son Jon told me it really wasn't quite as good as Aunt Kelly's. I have not attempted it after that........I have left it to the pro! I wish I had thought of this 'cure' for Paul weeks ago!!! But as the saying goes, better late than never.

The really funny thing is, 2 nights before Keith and Kelly brought Abby the dog back down from Naperville (Chicago area), I had a dream about Kelly's spinach dip. I am not kidding about this! I was dreaming that I was with my sister Mary Beth at a reception at someone's home. I really didn't recognize the people in my dream, but Mary Beth came up to me and she was chewing something and I asked her what it was. She said it was spinach dip. I asked her if it was as good as Kelly's and she shook her head no, as she made a face showing it was not very good at all. So when Kelly and my sister Beverly came to the house on Saturday and were planning the food for everyone to have after Mass, Kelly said she was going to be bringing her spinach dip. I then told her about this funny dream I had had. Little did I know we were at that very moment discussing what would end up being Paul's cure!

Paul ate all of his dinner last night without a problem, the process is still a bit slow, which is fine with me just so long as he eats. He has not been able to swallow liquids though. I will be calling Naperville today, to see if Aunt Kelly has any suggestions or recipes!

We had our first social visit last night also. Now that Abby the dog (she has been called this ever since Keith and Kelly took her to Naperville and had to distinguish between their daughter Abigail and our dog)is home, we wanted to make sure she is very happy. She had a very active life with the Brown's and had lots of dog friends and went to the kids sporting events and on errands with Kelly. So we decided a short trip to Aunt Bevy and Uncle Joe's house would be a good trip. They live about 2 miles away. We got Paul and Abby into the van, and drove over there. Paul knew eactly where to go in the house, and he immediately took over Aunt Bevy's lounge chair. He was so content being there. We had a really fun visit and while Paul didn't want any pie or ice cream, he stayed awake and alert for a lot longer than we thought he would. We were there until 9 p.m. and he had been up since 5:45 a.m.! When I asked earlier if he wanted to go home, he shook his head no and so we stayed. It was so good to be doing a very normal thing with our family............hanging out at the Rickels house!! Paul loves his whole big family very much, but doesn't show his emotions like his mother and aunts. We are very demonstrative about everything! Paul hugs everyone in his quiet way and does more watching than talking when there is a huge family gathering. Unless he and his brothers start to debate, then he becomes very vocal and can hold his own very well. But it has become evident these last 2 months that Paul thrives on family. His biggest efforts at recovery have been after his brothers were all with him in the days around Christmas, and then this past weekend when so much of the family was in Atlanta for the 'Abby, Welcome Home' event. He was up so much more alert and stayed up later than normal. It was by his choice too. He just sat and watched all the family and listened. He took it all in, just as he has always done.

God has created such a wonderful gift for His children on earth. The gift is family. Thanks be to God for all that He provides and for the love He shares with us through each other. When we encounter love, we encounter God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We experience a minute fraction of heaven on earth! To know there is an abundant love far greater than these 'huge' moments of love we have on earth makes me so joyous as I wait until the time when I pray Jesus will meet me and take me home.

To all of you, my family on earth, may your faith, hope and love of Jesus, our Savior, grow more perfect through the intercession of Mary, Our Mother in Heaven and St. Joseph. The Holy Family has shown us the way. Follow them boldly!

Love,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

Pictures of Our Blessed Weekend and of a Boy and His Dog!

Abby jumps from van and runs down to all those waiting for her






Paul welcomes Abby home!









Abby surrounded by Paul, Abigail, Aunt Kelly, Rebecca & Jon









Fr. Jack Durkin putting on his vestments after preparing the alter









The family is gathered for Mass

Return to Me.........

There is something I want to share before I talk about Abby the Dog returning home to Paul. It happened after that joyous event - on Saturday evening.

* * * *
Whoever is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him. (1 Cor 6:17)

I am the living bread from heaven, says the Lord. Whoever eats this bread will live forever; the bread I shall give is my flesh for the life of the world. (Jn 6:51)
* * * *

On Friday evening, Fr. Jack Durkin called to see if he could bring Holy Communion to Paul. He did not know at the time that Paul was home from the hospital, and after talking to him for a few minutes, he offered to say Mass at our house on Saturday at 6 p.m. since we didn't feel Paul was quite ready to attend Mass at church yet. The joy I felt in my heart Friday night is more than I can put down into words. The next day was going to be a wonderful day! Our first Mass in our home would be the most beautiful gift from God. This was true for more than one reason. First, Paul would be able to receive Holy Communion with his family. Secondly, my brother Keith and his wife Kelly (who had so lovingly taken care of Abby the dog these past 8 months), along with their children and my other brother Jim, were all going to be with us. Also, Beverly and Joe (sister and brother in law) would be present for this holy occasion. Last and certainly the most importantly would be that the very Body of Christ would be present in our home at Mass. In the year 2000, Pope John Paul declared that that year would be the year of the Eucharist. He said "In the Sacrament of the Eucharist the Savior, who took flesh in Mary's womb 20 centuries ago, continues to offer himself to humanity as the source of divine life." It is our belief as Catholics and it is our greatest gift from God.

The blessings from God were visibly present during the Mass. Paul has not been able to swallow at all for the last 3 days. He did not eat or drink anything and has been having trouble with his mouth watering and then not being able to swallow. I prayed to God that he would be able to receive Holy Communion before Mass started. Paul followed the rest of us as we sat, stood and knelt. He kept looking over at me and smiled at me, just as he used to do when we would sit together at church. I was so happy to see that he understood fairly well what was going on. When it came time for him to receive Communion, he put up his finger (which means 'one minute')as a signal to Fr. Jack. I was thinking he may not be able to receive Communion because he would ot be able to swallow. He swallowed really hard, then started to choke and cough. Fr. Jack patiently waited for Paul, and after about 20 seconds of coughing, Paul was able to receive Holy Communion and he was able to fully consume the Eucharist!! More than one of us had tears in our eyes as we watched the hand of God at work. My joy could not have been more complete, as Paul had received Jesus. His soul had been fed, through the intercession of all of our prayers that have been lifted on high. Praise be to God always and forever.

This was the culmination of an already love filled day. Saturday morning, Paul was moving to the beat of Paul's drummer. Slow beat. I knew Abby the dog was on her way over to our house, so I told Paul he needed to hurry downstairs so he could be outside when his dog came home. He understood that well enough to actually make it happen. As he was putting his hat on and walking out the front door, Keith and Kelly pulled up in the van, the side door opened and Abby the dog came bounding out and down the lawn towards all of us who had gathered. I could not contain my tears as I watched Paul watch his dog. She ran to each one of us, tail wagging her whole back side! It was everything we had all hoped it would be for Paul. When he saw his Aunt Kelly, he actually smiled a genuine smile (not the pose he takes for pictures) and hugged her. He hugged his Uncle Keith, Uncle Jim, Aunt Beverly, Uncle Joe and his dog. He was very alert about the whole incident. He was able to stay awake all day, and when we asked if he wanted to take a nap, he shook his head no and stayed awake. I was worried he would not be able to hold his own until the time of Mass, but he did. Truly by the grace of God.

Sunday, he was very tired and slept on and off most of the day. He stayed downstairs for a long time in his lounge chair, but finally went to bed around 4 p.m. His dog was at the foot of the bed, so all was right in Paul's world.

The next miracle happened this morning. I prayed while standing behind Paul before giving him his breakfast. He was able to eat more than half of his meal and now all is right in my world!! I will sing a new song unto the Lord, and will rejoice and be glad. Our God is an awesome God.

Jesus, I trust in you.
Jesus, I trust in you.
Jesus, I trust in you.

Peace, love and good meals ahead!
Jon and Rebecca Fidero

p.s. The reason I chose this title is because it is also a title of a movie that Paul bought for me a couple of years ago. How appropriate a title for this past weekend, when his dog came home and Paul was able to return to Jesus in the sacrament of Holy Communion. Also, on Friday night, I put that movie in to watch with Paul to help make more connections for Paul in his home. He and I have seen this movie at least 5 times before and he knew how much I liked the movie. As we watched it, he actually laughed very gently 3 times. It was the first time I had ever heard him do that. Paul has been RETURNED TO US ALL!

Paul's home - The joys and the new schedule!!

I apologize for the long delay in getting a posting about Paul and believe me there is so much to tell. You may want to check back with this site when you have a free hour! I sent one on 1/11, but it never posted and it had been a lengthy one and now we have so much more to add!

I had titled the lost one as 11/11-1/11. I was sharing my first day home with Paul and all the joys that it brought along with all the new processes that we had to schedule. There were some wonderful highlights from that day.

The first one was when Paul walked Geneva out to her car and he opened her door for her. I was able to film it but had to end it as soon as he shut the door and started to walk back, because I had to run to be by his side as he walked back down the lawn. I was very pleased to see him handle walking on the lawn as well as he did. He hooked his arm in mine and that was all the support he needed. He had his favorite Dream Theatre long sleeve shirt on, his sweats and his DTSi hat (on backwards of course) and as he walked away from me, he was so steady and sure of himself. He was experiencing a very lucid moment and it was such a joy to see. He still has great difficulty eating and swallowing liquids. In fact, his main nutrition is now coming from his feeding tube. I was so disappointed about it, but had some really good news today from the neurologist at Shepherd Pathways, which I will go into a bit later. So, the first day home was joyful, but it highlighted all the areas we were NOT ready in caring efficiently for Paul. The length of time it takes Paul to do tasks, like showers, eating and getting out of bed were not the time frames we planned. He seems to really like the hot showers in his bathroom more than he used to. We have let him enjoy his 25 minute showers as a reward for all the cool ones he had to take at Shepherd. They had problems getting hot water up to that area of the building, so it was lot cooler than Paul liked it. We are giving him his shower at the end of the day, as we don't have time in the mornings. He tries to eat, but after only 2-3 bites of food, he comes to a halt. We have been so puzzled by this and we sit for almost an hour trying to help him. Dressing himself goes easily, since he doesn't have any physical handicaps. Getting out of bed took 20 minutes the first morning, and then we made the mistake of letting Paul sit on the couch once he was downstairs, and he layed back down and fell right asleep again. All the scheduling we had figured for the first morning of getting him to Pathways was shot right away, since getting him up took so long. (Some things have not changed, she said with disappointment in her voice.....smile.)

On 1/11, we got Paul settled in for his first night home. It was later in the evening and I was in the twin bed next to Paul's, since someone will have to be with him until he is more steady on his feet. His back was turned towards me and I was reading my prayers and looked over at him and felt such joy having Paul back in our home. 11/11 - 1/11 came to mind and I smiled, marveling at how much God loves us and how He will bring us through our sorrows and trails, to the Joy of His everlasting ways. I was very teary eyed, and then remembered so well that first Friday night, as we were brought into the recovery room and saw Paul for the first time. The lights were very bright, the machines were humming away and the alarms were so loud. The ventilator was pumping air into Paul's chest, causing it to jerk up, then collapse back down with a jerking motion. I imagined the amount of pain and shock his body had to experience with all the movement, since he had so many fractures. And here he was right before me, laying peacefully on his bed, breathing so easily and calmly. It was very quiet and I could hear him breathing. What a joyful sound. The room was very dimly lit and I was in a perfect "pocket of peace'. I have always relished these moments in all these 23 years of raising my sons. The quiet times in between the chaos, the laughter and the love shared among the boys. I would always take time to say thank you to God for these times I called my 'pockets of peace'. And to date, this is my favorite one - Paul back in his room, with his family surrounding him in love.

Pathways will be a good place for Paul to be. They will push him to his limits, to help him achieve a good recovery. He said something yesterday that was about the best thing any mother could hear. It was the end of a very long day, and he was working with his speech therapist. She was trying to get him to talk and she asked him what he liked to do for fun. He sat for a moment, then he pointed over at me. She asked him what he meant and he said out loud "she is a lot of fun". She asked him if he had fun with his mom and he said "yes". I hugged him and told him I loved him and he said "I love you too." That conversation will carry me through anything!! He came home after his first day and fell asleep until dinner, which he didn't eat. He fell asleep in the lounge chair again. His friend Hannah dropped by to bring her dog, Mason. Paul woke up for about a half hour but then got up and went upstairs and went to bed. He was wiped out.

We had learned from the first day that we needed more time to get Paul to his therapy on time, so we started at 5:45 a.m. Paul was moving slow as molasses in January, and we still were 3 minutes late. But, as I mentioned above, we were able to get some insight from the neurologist today. She said that she is going to work with the medications Paul is taking to see if we can jump start his wanting to eat. Some of them cause a loss of appetite. But it appears the real problem is oral praxia. Even though Paul did not have trouble eating before, he may have regressed in this area and no matter how much we try to help him eat, he can get stuck on the process of his brain getting the signal out and the mouth and throat responding. He knows how to eat, but the harder he works to accomplish the less likely he will be able to achieve it. It is the reason he talks easily on the cell phone, because he is naturally responding to someone talking to him. But if he is asked to respond to a question with someone sitting there in front of him, waiting for him, he freezes. Yesterday, I had placed food in front of him at Wendy's, but he could not really eat after the first bite. He was hungry, but since he was specifically trying to eat and I was waiting, he could not continue. Without knowing this was the problem, I handed him the box of french fries as we drove back to the facility, and all of a sudden he ate them all. (Lets you know he must have done a lot of driving with french fries in his lap!) I have been praying to our Blessed Mother for help with all of this, as I was so worried about Paul's nutrition and the fact that he has lost so much weight. He is down to 126 lbs from 162. To have the reassurance that this will pass after awhile was a huge relief. I was also reassured that we should just plan on getting his nutrition through his feeding tube for awhile. We will offer food to Paul first, then resort to the feeding tube. We don't have to take an hour or more trying to get Paul to eat. Unwanted stress now gone!! Thank you Blessed Mary for all your motherly love and help. As always!!!

I was trying to get Paul to eat this morning. As I was helping him get some food on his fork while he was 'thinking' about eating, he put his fingers together like he was pinching something. I asked him what that meant and he finally said "Pause". I laughted and said, okay. So I sat still for a moment and then said "I am in the pause mode". He looked at me and said "so am I". His speech therapist said she had asked him what high school he had gone to and he took her pen and wrote PARKVIEW. But he wrote it upside down, so she could read it! He has developed his own way of communicating using hand signs. His uses his fingers to make each letter of a word. He does a very good job of it too. It's funny how he will go to all that trouble, but to say the word is too hard. The complexity of the brain is incredible.
We were also told to get Paul playing the guitar and piano as often as possible. The neurologist said that Paul's background in music will benefit him greatly. He developed more interaction between the 2 spheres of the brain, and that will be beneficial to a better recovery. He was able to answer more complext questions for her, but didn't know the day or the month. He could quickly touch his left thumb to his right ear, but had trouble with what year he graduated from high school. There are numerous instances of this kind of inconsistency with Paul. It is going to take a long time, but the doctor feels that he has a very good chance of recovery. She said she could tell that Paul was just under the surface - or 'under the radar' as we say. Paul is great at 'laying low'................smile.

May God bless you all and lead you on his PATHWAYS, with joyous 'pockets of peace' along the way!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Keeping a Perspective

In those first few days after the accident, I remember wondering how we would all cope with this crushing blow to our family. Then, I heard only a few minutes of a TV report that most of the wedding party at an Iraqi wedding were killed by a bomb. The parents of the bride and groom were killed. To this day I remember that moment very clearly and how it put everything into perspective for me. Here was a young couple starting out a new life together and their day of joy was filled with death all around them. I knew I could get through that day by remembering how much more sorrowful their circumstances were. I have prayed for those people so often in these last 2 months. When we were sitting in the hospital waiting room for all those weeks, we heard about other people's stories and some were so sad and the faces of the families were heart wrenching to see. When I read the comments on this site last night, I went to the other sites that Ellen Thomas shared and once again, I was reminded that there is so much suffering out in the world we live in. I used to avoid sad stories, sad movies or books because it overwhelmed me with a feeling of helplessness. It was too big for me to handle, and it was easier to just ignore it. Ignorance was bliss.

This whole incident with Paul has brought me so much more insight into the suffering in our world. I now have a greater understanding of what some of these people might be feeling and for others, a greater empathy for those with more sorrowful circumstances. By the grace of God, I now know what I can do about the enormity of it all. Place it in the hands of God through prayer. Your comments and beautiful thoughts have been one of the most wonderful blessings from God. Faith filled brothers and sisters in Christ sharing their love and experiences with everyone around them, bringing comfort to the lonely, the sick and the dying. I now am happy to hear about anyone who needs our prayers. I have started a list of the names I learn about, to include them in our prayers for Paul. I am so grateful to God that He has placed this awareness of suffering in my heart, so that I can somehow be a part of another's healing. While I would not have chosen THIS WAY to learn it, I know God is the teacher and I am reminded once again, I have so much more to learn! But I am not as afraid to look at suffering as before. God is with us, hears us, and lets us learn as we go. The perfect Father. As Mother Teresa said, you don't have to come to India to help. Look to your family and your neighbors.

Yesterday was not a good day for Paul. He may have been tired from his trip home on Sunday. James, his brother, went to the hospital to help Paul with his lunch. It provided me with a chance to put in a full day at work. He said Paul was not eating, and so James sat patiently with him and finally they were able to get Paul started. The speech therapist took over and Paul ate a good lunch. I was with Paul last night and he would not eat and seemed very distant. He finally took a bite of food and then sat for 15 minutes without chewing. He seemed to forget that he had something in his mouth. After an hour, he had eaten only about 5 bites of food. At one point, he seemed to shiver. He looked at me, then it happened again. I thought he might be having a seizure as he seemed alarmed after it happened the second time. I asked if he was okay and he said no. I took him back to his room and got him into bed. He dozed on and off, but he was not really restful and was awake when I finally left at 9 P.M. He was not acting very coherent. I let the nurse know what happened and will follow up with the doctor today. Before I left, another young man who we have watched these past 5 weeks, was able to stand up and do a dance for his family. It was wobbly, but it was the most beautiful sight to me in that moment. His family was so happy and their laughter was contagious. I knew what joy they must be feeling. I came home and was able to read the comments on the site and fell asleep with a great peace, having been reminded that God is the director in our lives and I am glad to let Him handle it. That part is too big for me!

I am so excited about Paul's coming home tomorrow, that I flew out of bed today, thinking I was late in going downtown to get him. The sun is glowing through a very foggy sky and it gave me a visual aid in relating to Paul's state of mind. He is shining right behind the fog in his brain, and in time, the fog will burn off and he will bring his light into our lives once again. Praise be to God in heaven. Thanks be to God for all of your prayers.

Peace of our Lord, Jesus Christ, be with you all and may His light shine clearly for you to see today!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca

Weekend Pictures

Paul and Geneva working with strings to make Jacob's Ladder.


Paul talking to his brother Jon on the cellphone.


Mike and Paul working on the computer.

Name That Tune !!!

This past weekend was a good one for Paul because of his ability to be much more mobile. He was able to be out of his wheelchair most of the time, and walks fairly steadily. He needs someone to be by his side to prevent any falls, but he holds his own 90% of the time. Physically, Paul is showing great improvements.

He still cannot swallow liquids. It is the most peculiar thing, and I spoke to his doctor about it. They are wondering about it too, and have not been able to figure out why this has become a problem. He can swallow liquids if he is given it by spoon, but no other way. Twice this weekend, Paul picked up his cup like he was determined to follow through, but each time after he took a sip, he came to a complete stop. He eventually has to spit it out and then continues with eating. We sat for 15 minutes each time, waiting until he would finally concede and get rid of it. It is so puzzling and I have stepped up my prayers of request to God. It is out of my hands or expertise, and apparently the hospital has not been able to resolve the issue at this time. It means a delay for Paul's getting into a full day at the Shepherd Pathways program, which is a disappointment. This is another time for us to hold onto our faith and trust in God, knowing He is the one leading the way. It is also a test of our patience as we watch Paul struggle with this unexplainable glitch to his progress. He developed this problem 11 days ago and no one has the answer. I know that God's hand is in all things.

I have always hated suspense in any way. I am the one who reads the last chapter or two of a book to know how it ends before I start the book. If someone in the family has seen a movie before me, I beg them to tell me the end if it gets too scary or suspenseful. In fact, my brother in law has more than once said to everyone before we start a movie "If anyone has seen this movie, don't tell Rebecca because she will ask a million questions!" I love that you can rent movies now, because I have the ability to see the end first. So, for God to choose me to live this pathway with Paul is ironic. Those who know me well know that this is exactly the kind of scenario I don't handle well. I cannot fast forward to see how this will turn out, I can't read the end chapter. I have to wait. I have to completely trust that God will not give us more than we can handle. I have to trust that He will answer this in HIS TIME and in HIS WAY. I have no control at all. In all honesty, it is the hardest test in my life so far.

Just when I think I can't take it anymore, I get another bread crumb on the pathway from God. I had asked Paul on Saturday night if he knew the difference between happy and sad. He said "Why do you ask?" I said that he didn't seem to show any emotions anymore. I asked him if his brother Jon would walk into the room at that moment, would he be happy. He said yes. I then asked him what makes him sad. He said "This home makes me sad." I told him that he was not at home, he was in a hospital and asked what about the hospital made him sad. He said "The people, the sounds, the smells." I was glad to know he could verbalize what bothered him, since he mostly just looks around him and never talks. So I told Paul that he would becoming home the next day for the whole day, and then in 2 days after that, he would come home for good. On Sunday, we were able to bring Paul home for a day visit. He was very sad and distant when we got to the hospital. He didn't seem to understand why we were there. I was thinking it may not be a good home visit for him after all. We got him into the car and he just stared straight ahead. As we got closer to home, he started to look around and seemed to finally understand where he was going. As we walked into the garage, Mike came out of the house and said he was sorry, but he had just make popcorn and it burned and he tried to get the smell out with Lysol spray and now the house smelled really bad. I had to laugh, as I remembered Paul saying he hated the smells of the hospital........wait til he got into the house! Sure enough, it was a pretty bad smell. Mike said "sorry bro" and Paul gave him the thumbs up. I went straight to the kitchen and made chocolate chip cookies to offset the smell. It worked like a charm. Paul went to the big lounge chair and he immediately took off his hat and slid the chair back into the reclining position. He was home and he knew it! Later, he went to the front room and Mike told him the piano was tuned. So he sat down and to my total amazement, played some chords all the way up the keyboard to test it. Then he played a song, using both hands very well and we all listened. His Aunt Bev and Uncle Joe were there, along with Brenda Stoll,( our neighbor who came by at that moment to bring some soup) Geneva and Matt Velker. We all listened while I taped it and it was the most wonderful moment.

God gave me a way to handle the suspense.....He gave me a movie to watch whenever I get worried about the ending!!!

Please continue to pray for Paul and for all those who are suffering. The suspense is a tough test.

Love to everyone. I want you all to know, we have had our spirits lifted on high as we read your comments. What a treasure this site has been. It will also provide great reading when we put it into book form. I hear the last chapter will be the best!
Jon and Rebecca Fidero