Who Knew?

To say I have been swamped lately is an understatement.
I just now read the last blog's comments and have read Paul's entry! I laughed pretty darned hard and then wondered...........why didn't he just say so? I guess it is my fault.........I didn't ask!

Michael one day came into the house and Jon was sitting on the couch with his laptop. and I was sitting in the chair across from him, surfing the net on my laptop. Michael stopped and asked us if we were emailing each other? It was a funny question then, but now I am wondering if there wouldn't be better communication in our household if we just started to write to each other!

I have to admit, most of my family who lives outside our home emails me so they can reach me. They are sure to get an answer if they send it to work, since that is about the only time lately that I am on line. My job has gotten out of control in the last couple of months and I don't have the time to check my email at home much. I had not even opened the blog site since the last time I wrote on it. Since Paul spends Wednesdays and Friday/Saturday's with Jerry, it has become common place for Jerry to email me with all the things Paul did during the day. We don't seem to have the time to sit down and talk much. It has become an epidemic in our home! We all cross each other's pathways, but rarely get to sit down and have discussions. Who turned up the speed on our treadmills??

It's amazing how subtly bad habits can creep into one's life. And this is a really bad habit for a family to fall into. I was always so happy that our family sat down every night to a meal, and we reaped the benefit of lot of laughter and enjoyment at our dinner table. I have always used tablecloths and cloth napkins on my table (hoping to teach my sons how to behave in public.........not all the good habits I had hoped for took place.........sigh) to make it a nice setting and to show that it was important to me. I had heard a priest say once that it is a good thing to take the time to make meals as pleasant as possible, to help create a 'set aside' time for family. He encouraged families to make it special by adding the extra touches. I even had candles on the table that we lit each evening, as a reminder that Christ was the light in the center of our lives. In the past few months, it has been 'catch as catch can.' And it is taking its toll on our relationships with each other. We lost the point of what makes us a family - creating moments in our day to sit with each other and share our love - to communicate. Paul's posting certainly has put a spotlight on that deficiency in our home!

With the signs of Spring popping up everywhere (and the sneezes to verify it!), I thought about how God continually shows us signs of His love for His children on earth. It is the signs of new life and how it comes to us year after year, that we too are called year after year to new life. We use lent to reflect on what are the bad habits/sinful ways we have developed over time and to then turn away from them. I have seen very clearly a few things I want to change in my life and now that we come into the last week of Lent, God has pointed out one more. I love my family with more love than I can put down into words. My children and husband are the wind in my sails, my heartbeat. Yet, I have neglected the very thing that brings me the most fulfillment. I have slowly gotten side-tracked and have been working long hours and some evenings and weekends trying to catch up on my work. I have not been able to sit as often as I used to, listening for God to speak to my soul. It is no wonder I feel so empty inside these days. I created the desert I have been in. Ever so slowly I let my 'point and purpose' in life slip-slide away. I have begged God to help me with all the stress in my life lately and asked Him to show me how to handle all the tasks in my life. His response has been to allow me to feel more and more stress! I have begun to have migraine headaches just about every day, have not been able to stay up past 9 each night and have barely been able to get up for the 6:30 Mass. I have only been able to go 3-4 times a week. Today, as tears gently rolled down my face in Mass, I asked God to rescue me. He answered.
Today's responsorial -
Psalm 18
In my distress I called upon the Lord, and He heard my voice.

The breakers of death surged round about me,
the destroying floods overwhelmed me;
The cords of the nether world enmeshed me,
the snares of death overtook me.

As I listened, that is when I let the tears flow. I felt exactly like that - that everything was caving in around me and the floods of stress was overwhelming me. It was choking out the very thing that I knew was my only hope and answer.

"Your words, Lord, are Spirit and life;
you have the words of everlasting life."

I told Jon after Mass that I was going to write a blog today, as it is one of the most enjoyable things I do anymore and I had so neglected it. I also said that I needed to find someone to help me get some things done around the house so that I could get past the feeling of being overwhelmed and get caught up. Lastly, and most importantly, I was not going to let the workload deprive me of the joy that I know God offers to us. The joy of knowing He loves me. He offers what I need to hold onto. His love provides me hope and it feeds my soul. It is my strength.

There is a song with the words - "No.. they can't take that away from me." Yet, that is exactly what I have done. I have once again slipped into the mode of being a 'super hero'.
I want to do a good job at work, I want to be the best wife and mom, I want to help everyone I can, I want to be a perfect servant of the Lord........etc, etc. But it is evident that there is no way I can do all of that. Reading Paul's blog this morning was God's way of showing me to sit down and rethink my list. It has gotten out of kilter. Time to look at all the tasks in my 'queue' and RENUMBER THEM.

I pray that with the ending of lent, I will be on track with the end of a couple really bad habits. Ones that keep me from 'springing into new life."

Let our hearts rejoice in His saving help.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca