Row, Row, Row Your Boat...........

I have had 2 of the longest weeks and am hopefully getting to the point where I can find the time to sit quietly and write more often. I have found that I miss writing down my thoughts. It has been a great way to sort through where we have been and where we are heading with Paul. Rather than being 'one more thing' I have to do, I really enjoy the time spent writing on this site. It also affords me time to sit and contemplate God's full participation in our lives. So much has happened in this last year and we are only 2 weeks away from the one year mark. I have had so many flash backs to this time last year, how we were as a family last October and how we are now. A main reason for this time of reflection is that I am preparing for a talk I will be giving at a Catholic women's prayer breakfast that is sponsored by Magnificat. I trust that God will bring those he wants to it that morning. Just as He guided me to it years ago. I had seen their notices in the bulletins many times over the years, but never attended. I thought at first, it was a private gathering and not for everyone. Then a couple of years ago, a friend invited me to come and I did. It was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. The woman who spoke had an incredible story of faith and I related to it so much that I invited my sister to come to the next one. She also had a great experience. I always looked forward to these Saturday mornings because I have always benefited from the stories of faith that are shared and also because it is a great opportunity to see friends and make new ones. Last year, the Magnificat breakfast was on November 12th. I was signed up to be a hostess at one of the tables. I had been a hostess a number of times before and was really excited about that one because of a well known speaker that would be talking. Also, I was going to be bringing someone with me who had never been before and I wanted her to experience the occasion with me.
But, November 11th, at 4:45 P.M. our life took a turn. At the hospital, I remember sitting in this special room we had been taken into (which I later found out was an area for privacy for families who were going to be getting bad news) and Fr. Paddy was there with us. He was offering words of comfort to us and all of a sudden I remembered I was supposed to be a hostess at the Magnificat breakfast the next morning. I panicked as I realized I had to let someone know soon so that a replacement could be called. Here I was, waiting to hear if my son would live and I was really concerned that someone be told I would not be there. Those around me said not to worry about it, and probably thought silently that it was a weird time to be worrying about it! But Magnificat was important to me and I wanted to make sure that someone would be there to take my place. So I called my friend Patty Palmquist one more time (I had called her right after the accident to ask her to start praying for Paul and our family, knowing she would get the word out to a number of other people who would also pray). She said she would take care of it for me. The next night, a woman I knew and who is part of the Magnificat program, came to the hospital with a bottle of holy water from Lourdes for us to use in blessing Paul. It was the beginning of many such gifts from so many loving and caring people. (Paul's room became a very holy place - there were relics of St. Therese, St. Pio, St. Paul the Apostle, and St. Faustina, along with medals that had been blessed by Pope John Paul II, and the zachetto worn by him at a Mass on December 22, 1996, which Paul wore during a Mass that was celebrated in his room by Fr. Kevin Peek. The outpouring of holy articles and sacramentals was tremendous.) Anyway....we found out that the women at the Magnificat breakfast prayed for Paul also. Then, this past summer, I received an email from Janine, who was the woman who brought the Lourdes holy water to us in the hospital. It was an email sent to a number of people and I was on the distribution list. It was funny that I got that email when I did, because I had just read a few days before that the date for November's Magnificat breakfast was going to be 11/11. I made a mental note that I would not miss that one, so I could give thanks to God for the past year's blessings. Plus, I knew the day might be a tough one emotionally, so I wanted to be with women, in prayerfulness and singing songs of praise. There are only 4 Magnificat breakfasts each year and to have one on the anniversary of Paul's accident got my attention. I answered Janine's email to ask her how she was doing, as I had not been in touch with her in so long. As I was typing to her, the thought came into my mind "Ask her if they need someone to speak on 11/11". It was just a very quick thought that flashed in my mind. I stopped for a moment and said to myself "Absolutely not." I have never been a speaker, have the worst case of nerves when speaking to people I don't know and this was so weird an idea. But it came back to me again and I sat thinking about why this would come to mind. The speakers that I have heard over the years have had huge faith stories and seem to be fairly well known. There have even been priests who have spoken and have incredible stories about their vocations. Again, I decided to ignore so weird a thought. I got ready to send my email to her and was stopped with the rememberance of the night about 6 days after Paul's accident. I was about to go to sleep and I clearly realized that all that was happening to our family was just a part of God's beautiful story. He was reaching so many people through this event and there were so many signs of His hand at work. We were being asked to trust Him and to let His will be done. So, I sat there wondering if He was really asking me to volunteer to tell His story. My hands began to shake with nervousness at the thought of even sending such an email. It was just too bold a thing for me to do. I prefer 'flying under the radar' in life. Even writing this blog was a very tough thing to do once I found out people we didn't know were reading it! So, I said to myself "Why be so nervous - there is no way anyone would take this offer seriously anyway. Send the email in case it is God putting this idea into your head and forget about it. If they think you are crazy - well, what's new?" So I sent a message basically saying that if this might be a story that would be useful, let me know. A number of weeks passed and I had actually forgotten that I had sent the suggestion. I got to work one day and opened my email and was shocked to read that someone would be calling me to discuss it with me! I immediately walked down to my sister's desk (we are so blessed to be able to work together!) and was literally shaking as I told her what might happen. She sent an email out letting the whole family know and telling them her house was open for visitors!

So, I have been busy praying for God to help me write down what is to be heard by those attending that morning and have been hard at work reviewing this blog and organizing my thoughts. And after this past year's lesson in learning how to let go and let God's will be done, I am just about ready for 11/11.

Paul is going to his personal trainer and likes it. Rhonda is so very kind to Paul and with the personal attention, Paul has seen that it is not just more 'rehab' where everyone assumes he is not very smart. He is now very sensitive about that. When I mentioned that maybe we should find a place where they can help him fill in all the gaps mentally and intellectually, like a school for those recovering from brain injuries, he got very defensive and said that he doesn't need someone asking him if he knows if the circle is red or blue. I tried to explain that there are times when he doesn't remember what the meaning of words are and we were thinking that there are going to be gaps in all that he learned over the years and maybe if there is a place that works closely with brain injured people, they could assess more quickly what his needs would be on a number of levels. He was not agreeable to that at all. We have noticed that if something seems too large a topic, he shuts down and doesn't want to talk about it. Physically he is improving. He is now 152 pounds and with his weekly sessions doing physical endurance workouts, he should progress more effectively. But psychologically, we have some work ahead of us. He is capable of learning anything and remembers so much of his life before the accident. But there seems to be a glitch in his perception of what he should be doing. On one level he believes he is still an invalid and says that "when I get better I will try to do that." We tell him he is better and he makes a list of the things that are not better and therefore he has to wait to try things. We are wondering if some of the issues of his headaches aren't psychological in nature. When he is doing things that are of high importance to him, he seems to forget that his head hurts. I have no doubt that he does suffer from severe headaches and it is very obvious when he is stricken with the intense ones. But it is very hard to assess if he has more mild ones in between the severe ones, or if he sometimes uses it as a way of not facing the responsibilities of the day. We are constantly plagued with wondering who to see next and what exactly are all the lingering problems. I wish there was a place where we could find answers and guidance. Please keep praying that we will have the wisdom to make solid decisions and that we will find answers. We need God's help steering this ship. Right now it feels like we are having to turn our battleship with an oar.

Christ be the Wind In Our Sails!
Love
Jon and Rebecca