Have a Little Faith in Me

Our weekend was fairly quiet and Paul's headaches seem to be getting worse. We were able to go to Mass with him on Sunday but he could not lay down quickly enough once we got home. James and Michael went straight to Krispy Kreme Donuts and brought some warm ones home as a surprise. Paul could not get up to join us, so we all went into Paul's room and we all raised our donuts as a 'Cheers' to Paul. After he finished his, he asked if we could all pray with him. We all voiced our intentions and said some prayers as Paul led us.

He continues to ask us daily to pray with him. Last night he asked me to sit and read the Bible to him for awhile. Then he stopped me and prayed that God would let him heal soon so that he could do things with everyone again. Afterwards, he talked for a little while about how he is sorry he has caused us so much trouble and that he wished it had not happened. He said he was glad that Michael was not hurt and that he wishes he had not done such a stupid thing as to lose control of his car. I reminded him that out of all this, much fruit will come. I let him know that our family has grown so much more prayerful and that our only purpose in life is to attain heaven. This is all part of that process and God is truly in charge of it all. Paul said he had asked God to forgive him for losing his temper that day when I tried to change out the eye patch. That is the first time Paul has acknowledged his need to ask forgiveness of God for anything he has done since the accident. I know he must spend a lot of time thinking as he lays in pain. I am grateful he is talking to God. He may have forgotten a lot of things, but he was blessed with the knowledge of God, His forgiveness and His everlasting love. Praise be to God.

He asked me yesterday why he can't hear out of his left ear. The tone of voice let me know he is now very interested in all that has been injured on his body. He had James test it the night before. He asked him to talk really low in his left ear, as he closed off his right ear. He told James he could hear a slight muffled sound, but not the words. James talked a bit louder, but Paul still could not hear any words, just a muffled sound. He must have dwelled on that through the night, since he asked a lot of questions about his ear the next day. I explained that we are trying to handle the most crucial problems and that the brain fluid is our problem right now. He said he understood. I asked him to keep his faith and trust in God, that we would be led.

We received a call from the neurosurgeon's office yesterday afternoon, asking that we come to his office today. He wants to talk to us about surgery again. I was very frustrated about it because we were told to go to the ER to get a CAT scan last week, so that if anything needed to be done, we would be at the hospital already. We were released with the idea that Paul's ventricles were okay. The doctor's nurse asked that we pick up a copy of the xray today and then come to the office. I had been talking recently to a few friends and also had gotten on line with the National Hydrocephalus Foundation to see if we could get a good referral to another doctor to get a second opinion. Yesterday, I got the names of 4 good doctors, and 2 of them are associated with Emory. I made another call to the contact person I had spoken to before, who was going to get us in touch with someone at Emory also. We have an appointment this afternoon with him. I feel that we need to find someone who actually specializes in the use and monitoring of shunts and someone who will hopefully move us forward towards rehabilitation. We are losing very precious time with Paul in that area. We have spent 2 months with all of this and I would like to be more certain that the best course of action has been taken. I don't understand why the doctor didn't talk to us on Friday, just told the ER doctor to release us, then 3 days later call and say he needs to do another surgery. We will be calling the doctor's names that have been given to us and will see who has the most experience. Two of the names given to me came from the National Hydrocephalus Foundation, and one is in Savannah and the other one is in Fairfax, VA. If we have to travel to find a good doctor, we will do that. Please pray for us to know what God's will is for us and the strength to stay the course. If patience was one of my lessons to be learned in all of this, it has been a very tough class! I hope to get an A in the course and even more, hope that I will also be in a graduating class soon.................smile.

The thought that keeps going through my head is how Paul keeps passing his tests. He has been in such incredible pain, which is lessened only by prescription. Even then, the pain is brought down to a 4 on a scale of 1-10. So his pain is constant. Yet, he is not complaining, but only praying to God for help. He has not once asked why God let this happen, he just asks forgiveness for his loss of temper in a moment of pain. God has used Paul to show me patience, humility and love in ways that have truly been engraved upon my heart. I have to thank God in all of this, as painful as it is to watch and wait as He works. I sat with Paul last night and said that the only thing God is asking us to do is to offer up all of our joys, pain, sorrow, and love to Him, so that it can be used according to His will. It doesn't matter how God choses to use all that we offer, we just have to trust His ways and submit ourselves to all of this with as much joy and hope and faith that we can muster.

Your prayers have held us up.

Love to everyone,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero