Under Pressure

Heaven heard your prayers!

My car didn't cause me the trouble I thought it might. It was still making a funny noise, but I turned up the radio like Jon told me to and I got to the hospital just fine! The people in the cars behind me weren't too excited about being stuck going 30 mph in a 45 zone. I wanted to take it easy. I'll have to remember this the next time I get stuck behind someone and get impatient with them!

When I got to the hospital, I was allowed to stay in Paul's room for 45 minutes!! I had been there about 15 mintues and the nurse had stepped out for about 3 minutes and came back in. I thought she would tell me it was time to leave, but she said that I could stay since I was only quietly standing there, and did not try to engage Paul in conversation. She said I was doing exactly what was best for Paul. I had been silently praying the rosary for him and he would open his eyes every once in awhile and would just smile at me. One of the times, he brought his hand out from under the blanket and waved at me with his little finger. He was in a lot of pain and apparently the morphine was not helping him for very long. The nurse said she had a call into the doctor to see if they could change out the medication and try a different one. She said they would keep trying to relieve his pain. He said his headache was on a scale of about a 9. The nurse told me that they had only been able to get the pain level down to an 8.

When I left Paul, I decided to go straight over to St. Patrick's Cathedral and light a candle for Paul and say the rosary again. I got there as the Mass was starting. The priest's homily was on the topic of unconditional love and I knew that God was reassuring me that He knew Paul was suffering and that He would stay by Paul's side. I asked God to help me have the strength to stand by once again and watch Paul suffer. While I remember some really tough days from last year, it was not any easier this time around. I was so happy I had been able to get there in time for Mass. I was sitting in the pew right next to the 13th Station of the Cross - Jesus is taken down from the cross. I noticed Blessed Mary's face and once again was reminded of the pain she suffered. I thought of Paul's words to me that we need to offer up all our pain and suffering for those who are in most need of God's mercy.

I pictured Paul as he was when I left him and asked Jesus to give Paul the grace and strength needed at this time. I asked for the strength to keep attending to Paul and bring him any comfort I could. I really need God's help, because I can not DO ANYTHING for Paul. He is in the ICU and I have to stand by and watch. I would feel better if I could do something physically for him! He is in such pain and so I try not to disburb him and basically stand there praying. I know that is an awesome thing to do for him, but the mother in me wants to tend to him and bring him comfort. I know my time with him is very limited and the time goes too quickly. Walking out of his room after each visit, knowing I have to go sit somewhere for another 4 hours has been very difficult. I thought I would be able to at least sit in his room most of the day, but that is not the case. Poor Mary, she too stood by and could not tend to her son until the 13th Station of the Cross illustrates, Jesus was taken down from the cross. I thanked God for the fact that when I can finally take care of Paul again, he will be coming home. I will try my hardest to wait out this time with patience and trust in God's unconditional love for His children.

When I first saw Paul I was shocked at how swollen his face and head was. His face is very round with the swelling. He didn't look at all like himself. I could tell though that his features were more symmetrical and the work of this surgeon was beautiful compared to his last surgeries. The incision area is very smooth and almost undetectible except for the staples that you can see. We have heard a lot of very impressive things about the 2 surgeons who worked on Paul and that brought me a lot of reassurance. Jerry called and told me he had done some research on the reconstructive surgeon and found a website that listed all of his accomplishments and his background. I was so happy that we were led to Charlotte and that we now have this team on our side. I am not having to piece it all together - Dr. McLanahan has done that for us. Thanks be to God. It has brought me so much relief. I love to drive on trips, so I really don't mind the 4 hour trip at all.

I was told that Paul would possibly be moved out of the ICU today, but when I came to Paul's room the second time the nurse told me that they were having some issues with his brain pressure. That has continued until tonight. He will remain in the ICU tomorrow and possibly the next day. I was very disappointed to hear that because the visitation times are so short. I know Paul wants someone to stay with him, but he has to wait another couple of days. Tonight, the nurse told us that Dr. Mclanahan anticipated this kind of problem and that he is still hopeful it will all settle down in a few days. He is not going to make the decision about whether the shunt is needed until near the end of the week. He is going to wait until the swelling goes down and Paul's response to the surgery settles down. We are praying with our whole hearts that the shunt will not be needed. If it were based on today's episodes of continual high pressure readings, it would be put back in. The pressure did not help Paul's headache pain. He asked me each time I visited with him when he would be free of his headaches. I think he had his heart set on the idea that he would be provided instant relief after the surgery. I told him it may take a week or so and that he would need to be patient. One more time. He said he would and asked me to pray for him. I told him that I believed that not only one soul would be saved by his suffering if he offered it up, but quite possibly a whole bunch! He smiled and said it would all be worth it then.

I called Dr. Ghaly in Chicago to thank him for his help back in May, as he was the first to diagnose the hole in the orbital. He tried to get the doctor at the one hospital to run the test for it, but his advice was not taken. It took us this long to find a doctor who would take the time to verify that might be the problem. I am not going to spend any time on the woulda, coulda, shoulda's. I asked for God's help in leading me to do His will and in His time and we are in Charlotte this day. But I was sad to hear from Dr. Ghaly that the ventricle size may never come back down, given the length of time they have been so enlarged. When I told Jon about it later, he said that he was not going to worry about it, as we were also told Paul's eye was blind. He also said that it doesn't matter, all he prays for is that Paul will be free from the pain in his head and that even if we have to take care of Paul for the rest of his life - he really hoped God would help the doctor's take Paul's pain away if it was His will. I agreed with him and prayed that God would continue to bless Paul with the strength needed to accomplish the mission God has planned for him.

Jerry came up to Charlotte tonight (Tuesday)and Paul was very glad to see him. He was a lot more talkative than he had been all night. We stood by Paul's bed and we all prayed the prayer to St. Anthony for a number of intentions and we blessed Paul. He was so peaceful as we prayed. I told him that I was sorry he would be alone during the night, but that we would be back very early in the morning. He told me that he was not alone, that Jesus Christ was with him and that he knows heaven is helping him. He has really responded well to the news that so many people were again praying for his recovery.

Wednesday 1/24

I can't access the internet at the hospital, so can't really post the updates until day's end.
I want to thank all of you so much for your prayers. I am still awestruck that so many people have come to our aid with prayerfulness for so long a time. Praise be the works of God.

God bless you and keep you in all things,
Peace in Christ our Lord,
Love, Jon and Rebecca