Got To Get You Into My Life

WARNING………VERY LONG POSTING!!

It has been a very long and tiring week, with many high points and many low points. All of which are to be expected when you are in a hospital setting for so long. Being back in a hospital with Paul has brought to mind so many of the memories. There have been so many emotions experienced since last Sunday. One thing I forgot is the fatigue we used to experience in the days after Paul woke up and we would be on guard constantly, helping him eat, move and work to regain his strength. What has always made it hard was the fact that when Paul hurts, he doesn't want to put out much effort to help himself. At least, not at the beginning. He needs to be coaxed into eating, drinking, and moving past the pain to get the recovery process moving. His first inclination is to just lay there, basically in the same position and be left alone until the pain subsides. He was doing this last Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. We were not allowed to be in the room for too much more than about an hour and I noticed that no meals were ever brought to the room. I asked about it Wednesday night and was told that Paul told them he wasn't hungry and didn't want to eat. I told them that if left to his own volition, he would starve to death without realizing what he was doing to himself. I said they needed to explain why he was going to have to eat, as they moved him physically into an upright position and then offer a few choices. He also had told them he didn't want to be bathed. So basically, he had not eaten since Sunday night, had not been bathed since Sunday morning and was withering away. It was the reason he was in ICU from Monday through Friday. His head was pounding and he didn't want to move.

I came in Wednesday night and told him that he needed to help me get him past all the weakness and pain he was encountering. He had to eat something. He managed to drink some fruit juice only. It was a start! It was after 11 PM when I left the ICU, so I went back to the hotel and thought about what we could get Paul to eat the next day.

That evening, the doctor said he wished he had scans of Paul's ventricle size pre-accident. All we had were the copies of the CT scans taken the night of the accident. The doctor said he wanted to see the size of the ventricles when they were a normal size, so he would have a comparision. I knew we had these records, but they were at home in Atlanta. Jerry and Jon decided to drive and meet halfway. Jerry got back really late, but he said he had tried to find a grocery store to buy some things that Paul might like to eat, but never found a grocery store. I got on the internet the next morning and he headed to the nearest store and I went to the hospital. I called the nurse in the ICU and explained that I would be happy to help them get Paul to eat some food and that we had some of the things he really liked. They let Jerry and me come in and stay. We got Paul eating breakfast, some lunch and by dinner time, he said he liked Jerry's suggestion of a steak dinner. The nurse who was on staff said if we could get back to the hospital by 6:30, he would let us back in the ICU before shift change. We raced out and got the dinner and Paul enjoyed a feast that night. Paul's nurse, Scott, was thrilled to see the turn around in Paul. He was upright, alert and joining in the joking along with me and Jerry. The doctor actually came back by at 9:30 PM and was so happy to see Paul doing so much better. From that point on, we were allowed to come and stay with Paul as long as we wanted. The nurses were very kind to us and I think were relieved to see that progress was finally being made.

Paul's head pain continued, and in those first days after the operation, his brain pressure was high. They were having to drain off a lot of fluid to get it back down. He had an external shunt, which allowed them to do this without any problem to Paul. By Thursday afternoon it stabilized and his brain pressure remained within normal levels. Encouraged by this, we started to have great hope that the shunt would be removed for good. The doctor did another spinal tap to add more fluid to Paul's system to see if his brain would absorb the extra fluid. This test gave a borderline result. Dr. Mclanahn decided to wait awhile to make the decision about the shunt. On Friday afternoon, it was determined that with the level of headache Paul was still experiencing, the shunt would need to be put back in. Our disappointment was huge. All week I had prayed and prayed that the headaches would be resolved and that the shunt could be removed. It was now Friday, Paul still had headaches that were at a 9-9.5 on a scale of 1-10 and he was not going to be rid of his shunt system. After a long week of hours and hours of waiting and watching Paul in so much pain, we were no further along than before.

Paul had finally been moved out of ICU into his own room on Friday and we were sitting in his darkened room and the sadness filled me to the core. I started to tear up, knew I was going to cry, so I quietly walked out of the room. I found a waiting room down a different hallway and sat down and let the tears flow. I sat looking out the window and thought how nice it was to see the sun shining and the beautiful sky from this room. I then realized that directly across from this window was Paul's window. I started my rosary and prayed it to the end, while looking at his window. I finally felt that I had let go of the stress and had found some peace. I got up to go back and as I left the room, right outside the doorway, there was a penny laying on the carpet. I smiled, picked it up and said, Yes God, I trust in you. I don't understand, I am tired, I need your help, I don't know what to do next, but Yes, Lord, I trust in you. I got back to the room and told Jerry I found a penny and that was good enough for me. God wanted to let me know He was with us. 5 minutes later, Dr. Matthews came into the room and said he and the other specialist who will work on the facial nerve issue were fairly confident that Paul's nerve could be helped. It did not appear to be severed, which was really great news for us. They will see Paul at a later date and will run tests after he has recovered from his surgeries. While a door closed, God opened a window for us to 'feel the breeze' of his never ending love for His chidren. There was another thing to be hopeful about.

Paul was very alert and strong on Saturday morning. On Friday, he was able to sit up in bed, stand and get in a chair for a good while. He was really starting to feel better. Unfortunately, he was heading right back into surgery on Saturday afternoon. Michael drove up Friday night to see Paul and be with us, along with Jon. I was so happy to hug them both!! Paul really seemed to perk up once they got into town. He and Mike joked around like they used to and it was a good Saturday morning for all of us.

Saturday was Jon's birthday, so while Paul was in surgery, we all went to eat a 'birthday lunch'. It was around 3:30 PM and we were just leaving the restaurant, anxious to get back to see how the surgery went. Jerry got a call from a friend of ours at St. Stephen's. A dear friend of ours had died suddenly just hours before. It was absolutely crushing news. He and his wife had been so supportive in those first few weeks after the accident. They had lost their only daughter years before and she too was in her early 20's. Their tender, loving and Christ-like ways are what really helped sustain our family. Jon and I years ago looked at them and agreed we wanted to be just like them -a living and visual example of the sacrament of Marriage. Where you saw Joe, you saw Juanita. The tenderness and respect they showed the world around them was awesome to watch. I will never be able to convey in words what a beautiful example of God's love this couple was to us and to our whole parish. They literally are part of the foundation. They head up the RCIA program, the organization and training of Eucharistic Ministry, have been part of Marriage Encounter, Pre-Cana and so many other ministries. They are part of thousands of people's lives and are loved and cherished most especially by our parish family. They are at morning Mass just about every day of the year at St. Stephen's. Paul always lets me know who he has seen at Mass each day and he often mentions that he saw Joe and Juanita and they hugged him. It would take a book to tell the story of this couple's life and it would show how God's love works in our world. They brought it to us.

I wanted to include this not to make anyone overly sad. It is a story about the promise of God's love for his children. Just like Paul's story is and each one of ours is. It's about allowing His love to shine through, in our works and words. After Paul's surgery, he felt terrific. His headache level was at 3 and he wanted to eat. I went to get a Domino's pizza for him and Jon, along with some ice cream. (Paul's request!) We wanted to have a small celebration of a successful surgery and allow Paul to wish his dad a Happy Birthday. The conversation got to a point where it seemed very appropriate to tell Paul about Joe. We had been talking about God's love for us and about suffering. When he heard the news, he sat for a moment and then cried. I told him how that evening's reading at Mass was from St. Paul to the Corinthians and it was the one that explained God's love for us. Love is patient, love is kind, it is never jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not lord over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

If we have learned nothing else this past year, it is that love never fails. Joe and Juanita have been part of that teaching for us. They have never failed to share the truth of God’s love for His children. Paul asked me to get my Magnificat prayer book so he could read that passage out loud. As he read, he also cried for Juanita and said that he would gladly offer up his pain for her in the days to come. He said that he will always sit by her at morning Mass, so she won't be alone. ( I would imagine he will have to stand in line behind everyone who will gladly sit by her side!) Paul has learned to love more fully and sincerely with each passing day and he continues to teach our family about trusting. Paul has had some beautiful examples to learn from - Fr. Paddy, Joe and Juanita, his family and everyone else at St. Stephen's and DTSi and neighborhood! We trust that all the love our family has experienced is there for everyone else who calls uopon the Lord for the strength to carry on in their sorrows. Paul has been another example to his family how that works. His heart immediately becomes tender when he hears of someone in any kind of pain or struggle and he wants to go help. The feast of the conversion of St. Paul was this past week. We seem to be experiencing first hand Paul's conversion story.

I told him that I was going to go to Mass to receive the Body of Christ for him. He took my hand and whispered something to me. I leaned over to hear him and he repeated, "Bring me the Body of Christ." This was last Wednesday. I went to St. Patrick's and was early enough to see the priest preparing for it. I asked him if he could come to my son and bring Communion. He did just that - right after Mass. Fr. Robert said he is called to the hospital quite often and was going to be there for a baptism of a criticaly ill infant. He almost beat us back to the hospital and he asked the nurse to get us from the waiting area so we could be with Paul when he received the Body of Christ. It was one of many very incredible moments when we felt the presence of Jesus with us. Paul was very happy he was able to receive Jesus in this most beautiful sacrament. Praise God for the gift of His son! Got To Get You Into My Life!

I have so much more to share - there are some wonderful stories of faith I can hardly wait to share, but time is running out on me. I have to get back to the hospital and the internet doesn't work over there. I will try to log some of the beautiful signs our Lord has sent in the next day or two. It won't be until mid afternoon each day. That is when Paul sleeps best. God's blessings to everyone. You can try to reach us at fideroj@bellsouth.net or rafidero@bellsouth.net - we can access our email. The only problem with mine is that I can receive but can't reply from the hospital. I am thinking I may need a new laptop after all the use this past year...........it's getting sluggish and quirky. Or maybe it is operator error and I am the sluggish, quirky one!!! Our love to everyone, Jon and Rebecca