New wine, old wineskins

As we started our new year, I found myself wishing that things could be back to 'normal'. (Okay...... a contradiction in terms for our family!) I was thinking how great it would be if Paul could just be done with all the 'roadblocks' and be back in college and we could all get back to our routines. You know - get back to LIFE. I had a really bad case of burnout at year's end! We all did. It was on the feast of the Holy Family that I felt very strongly that God was telling me that He wanted us to be a holy family also. I sat thinking that I too, would love for us to be a holy family. Somehow, we had failed that part of this test. I started to take some time to think about it and how we could even begin to set it in motion, given the chaotic schedules we seemed stuck in. It occurred to me that in the months following the accident we had pulled together and our prayer life was awesome. As I looked back, I realized we had slipped out of that routine and while we were each praying individually, we were drifting apart, and were more like islands. I knew that this traumatic experience had taken its toll on each one of us, but didn't realize to what extent until I took the time to reflect on where we were as a family.

There is no way we will be the same and the dynamics of our family has changed dramatically. James and Michael are the younger brothers, but have been thrown into the older brother mold in terms of their relationship with Paul. With James and Jon away at college, Michael was able to get a lot closer to Paul. Paul invited Michael to tag along on many occassions and Michael was having the time of his life at that point. Paul and James are actually closest in age, with only 19 months between their ages. James could not have been any more proud of Paul and all he was accomplishing with his musical abilities. James took a copy of Paul's CD down to school and had a lot of people listening to his older brother's music. Anyone who knows Jon or Paul, knew how incredibly close those 2 brothers are. I know Jon misses the relationship they had previously very much. We all do.

After a year, we are still struggling to adapt to the huge changes in our lives and relationships. We are not unique of course. Any family would be struggling, given this set of circumstances. But one thing that HAD been holding us all together, was our daily prayer as a family. It was where everything came to a stand still and our minds were able to be quiet as we prayed the rosary. And most times, we would sit and talk afterwards. There was peace in those moments, there was laughter and there were tears. But it was a shared experience - a family experience. Unfortunately, that is what we have allowed to get lost over time. In a way, we did get back to some of our normal ways we had before the accident. With Paul gaining more independence, we got busy heading out in our OWN directions again. I am sure we were heading out in our own directions as a way of escaping some of the unwanted changes in our home! Jon and I take turns running the errands while the other one stays with Paul and Michael has never been at a loss for a reason to 'bail out' and stays busy doing his own thing. He seems to be home only as long as he has to be. I haven't blamed him since nothing much seems normal anymore. James came home from Europe and was really looking forward to being home with family. Sadly, it didn't feel much like family and it was hard for him to come back after 5 months and see these changes.

So, on the feast of the Holy Family, I hear in my heart the message that God wanted us to be more like the Holy Family. My eyes teared up as I looked at the Nativity scene on the altar at that Mass and asked God how was that going to happen since we all seemed to be hurting so much lately? I didn't have the emotional strength to 'make it happen'. I could not make the family happy. I could not lift up their spirits. So I begged God for the way to help us find our way back to His will and His way in our lives. It was fairly evident we were falling apart at the seams. I did feel hopeless and tired.

Then, when we started to pray the rosary together for the needs of the family whose son had died last week and started to add the needs of other people who had asked us to pray for them, I remembered how much comfort it used to bring me having the family praying TOGETHER. I smiled as I was going to sleep one night, knowing that God was guiding us towards His will for our family. We had to gain the discipline of family prayer again. That is how we were to begin. How else could God bring back all the guidance we needed to keep walking towards heaven? When my sons were very little, I took my role as mother and guardian of these children of God very seriously. I understood that I would play an important part in helping them back home to heaven. And 25 years later, I know that I can not 'make' them happy, but I can help them be HOLY. Jon and I need to be more committed than ever in setting the example of how they needed to respond to any trauma or changes in life. Our family prayer time will keep us lovingly united with God and each other. We were placed together as a family for a purpose. Through love and prayerfulness we should be able to accomplish our mission.

On the heels of this realization, I was praying tonight ,after everyone had settled in for the evening. I started to read tomorrow's readings and God provided me the visual aid that brought His message more clearly to mind.

Mark 2:21-22
Likewise, no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins and both the wine and the skins are ruined. Rather, new wine is poured into fresh wineskins.

God wanted to pour new wine into our lives. We had to be prepared to accept it and in our old 'normal' ways, we were like the old wineskins. Left to our own volition, we would never be ready! We were settled quite solidly in our comfort zones. So on 11/11/05, God stepped up the pace.

Change can be difficult. Abrupt change is much worse.

I wrote this posting to let you know that we are a struggling family like so many others. We get off course and lose our way and tempers. Yes, I admit it...........our tempers too! Our experience though, has shown that God always helps us get back on the pathway that is meant for us. If the road you are on doesn't seem to have any lights and is dark - you probably took a wrong turn. His greatest desire is for each of us to be back with Him in heaven, for all eternity. So call on the Trinity when you are lost...............AAA won't be of any use.

"This life is naught but a struggle for good men.
The holy book hath sung it in your ears.
The son the father loves most tenderly
He chastens most: and so God proves his saints
By hard blows here, and recompense of joy hereafter.

So take it not to heart, my brothers,
This inconsistency of earthly things,
The swirling eddies.
So was and so shall be this changing world...

Beloved, let us love the lasting things
Of heaven, than the dying things of earth.
Here time brings change, and nothing canst thou see
But suffers alteration: there abides
One sole unchanging everlasting day............

For He that cast down raiseth up again,
He maketh sore and bindeth up,
He woundeth and his hands make whole.
Breaketh in shards and buildeth up again.
By day and night entreat in holy prayer
The kind Christ, that He keep you everywhere."

This past weekend, James headed back to Ave Maria University. It was very sad for us to say goodbye. But we did get to relive one wonderful experience from our past. We had the pleasure of having 4 other Ave Maria students stay at our house overnight. They were on their way to Florida from states in the northeast and midwest and Atlanta is a good place to stop and get some rest. It was absolutely awesome for Jon and I. We are always so impressed with these young adults and feel so blessed to meet each and every one of them. They are such bright lights in our world today!! I pray for the youth of the world every day, that they may hear the voice of Jesus calling them by name. Just as the students we have met over the years .
I got to do what I love so much - cook for a big group of people and then sit back and watch them enjoy! It was a very happy time for our family and I am grateful that God provided us this opportunity. We look forward to many more such visits ahead. So to anyone who needs a rest along the way in their travels through Atlanta, Hotel Fidero is open again.

Update: We called to see if they had scheduled the surgery in Charlotte, but it appears they are still trying to coordinate the schedules of the 2 surgeons. While it was mentioned at our last appointment in December that the surgery would be done in an urgent matter.................we know our understanding of that word is different than that of the medical profession.

All in God's time. I guess you are all gaining lessons in patience, right along with us.
It is a virtue!

The lost I will seek out, the strayed I will bring back, the injured I will bind up, the sick I will heal, shepherding the rightly. (EZ 34:16)
Christ be our Light,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca