Paul's nose began running again last night from the left side. It was because of this we came to Charlotte in the first place as there apparently was a leak in his skull. The operation Monday was done to not only repair his left orbital, but also to fix the leak of fluid through his skull. His headaches seemed to spike last night and Rebecca put in a call to Dr. Mclanahan. We are extremely worried because this may mean the "patch" failed and the leaking is continuing. The doctor has put in the orders to have a test done to determine if the fluid is CSF or not. If it is, they'll have to go back in. We ask you once again to pray fervently that this does not happen. The operation on Monday was so extremely invasive that Paul is still not over it. Another operation would knock him for a loop. Please, please storm heaven with your prayers that Paul does not have to go through this again. We will continue to update the situation as we get information. Please pray for Paul. Bless you all.
In His Name
Jon and Rebecca
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Sign of the Times
Paul had a much better day yesterday and he was able to walk the hallways without having to use me as a support. He joked a bit as we walked and after we had gone down a couple of different hallways, I asked him to find his way back. He did it with ease. Unlike me, (Jon), who is so directionally challanged I got lost a number of times trying to find my way back to the room! He had great orientation and balance. I was really lifted in spirit after watching him all the long hours these past 7 days. He has been taking only Tylenol for his pain since yesterday at 3 PM. He also got to have a good night sleep. The nurse on duty was so happy to see him so improved since her last shift. The IV is out, which was the last of 4 tubes to be removed. Since he was not hooked up to anything, there was not much need to wake him much. She walked in and would look at him, and if he did not hear her and wake up, she would quietly leave the room and let him sleep. His face and attitude reflected a great night's sleep.
He has eaten all the meals brought to his room since yesterday. Let me correct that..........he has 'picked' his favorite things to eat, then asks if I can think of some other things he can eat. I went down to the cafeteria last night and he supplemented his meal with a plate of chicken alfredo. He walked one more time before going to bed. We said the rosary together and at one point, I fell asleep in my chair as I was reciting the Our Father and he gently called out to me and asked if I was going to be able to finish it. He took over saying it for a little while, then I finished it. We were both very tired souls at day's end. But we finally had great hope about getting to go home soon.
Today, the doctor stated that with the marked improvement, he may let Paul go home as early as Wednesday. It will depend on the level of headache and activity today. Paul asked me one more time, as he does every day, "When did you say my headaches would go away?" I told him that if I knew that, we would be living in a much fancier house than we do! I told him that God knows and since He is in charge, we will just keep praying for a quick and full recovery and will trust that God has heard our prayers. Paul said, "Okay. I sure hope it is soon."
In this past week there have been some tough times and moments where I felt real sadness about the whole situation. It hasn't helped that the room is always dark, as Paul still can't handle much light. The curtains are drawn during the day, and it is really dark in the room. Also, I can't get internet access at the hospital - for some reason I have been denied access after the first day I logged on to write a blog. I did go buy a small lamp and have a 25 watt bulb in it and then 3 night lights to help find my way around the room without tripping on anything.
But even that did not help me last Sunday to feel less sad. Jon and I had gone to a very early Mass at St. Patrick's and when we got back, we were told the doctor had come in that time. We had really wanted to speak to him to get a better sense of what was going on and what to expect. We were really disappointed about that. Later, I was talking to Jon and we were talking about our dear friends, Joe and Juanita and I could not get past my sad emotions. I was very tired, so Jon told me to go back to the hotel and get a bit of rest. I agreed I needed to get outside and see the sun and feel the cool air. I prayed to God all the way to my car and asked for his blessings on everyone I could think of and also to help me keep up my spirits. I opened the front door and I kid you not..............there was a shiny penny in the driver seat and a shiny penny in the passenger side front seat! I said out loud, "I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! OH HOW I LOVE YOU DEAR GOD." It was only a few days before and there had been that penny in the doorway of the room I had gone to to pray for Paul and for my own strength, now these 2 pennies. When I got back to the hospital, I took the pennies up and told Jon what had happened. He looked at me and said, "And I have not had any coins in my pockets!" I told him that I didn't either and also said that I had opened the sliding door to get my purse after Mass, since that is where I had left it. So it would not have fallen out of my purse. I know it sounds like there should be a reasonable explanation for those 2 pennies being there.................but I don't have one. I have thought it over and over how they could have gotten there, but don't know. They were sitting smack dab in the middle of each of the seats and both of them nice and shiny. I am going to hang on to it as God asking me once again, "Do you trust me?'. Just like the penny shows.............IN GOD WE TRUST.
The most incredible story so far for us has been this. Paul has spoken to me about 3 times prior to the accident about how he really wants to become a Eucharistic Minister. He wanted to know how he could go about doing that. I told him that he would need to speak to Fr. Paddy (Irish for Patrick). He also said that while God may be calling him to become a priest, as he thinks about it sometimes, he thinks he would rather be a deacon. He has asked if he has to be married to be a deacon and other questions about the process. He loves Deacon Evilio Garcia at our church so much and said that is why he thinks about being a Deacon. Last week, I asked where there was a Catholic church and the one about 4 blocks away is St. Patrick's. When I had inquired about having Communion brought to Paul, Fr. Robert said he would bring it. When he came to the hospital, we talked with him for awhile and he told us how he had lost his wife when she was young and it was a sudden death. He had been in the corporate world and then became a priest, after converting to the Catholic faith. He asked us if we were related to Deacon Fidero, who is at St. Patrick's? I was shocked to hear him ask that, as I didn't realize there were any other Fidero's, besides those in California. I did not think we were related, but said we would have to check into it. As he was leaving he said he would see if a Eucharistic Minister could come back on Friday to bring Paul Communion. On Friday, a man came to the room and he said he was from St. Patrick's and he came in and prayed with Paul, Jerry and me. After receiving Communion, I asked him his name and he said Dick Kelly. I smiled to myself and after he left I looked at Paul and said, "I think God is letting you know that your plans of being a Eucharistic Minister and a deacon might just be your pathway." Paul asked me why I thought so. I said, "Call it coincidence, but it was at St. Patrick's Cathedral that there is a Deacon Fidero, and the Eucharistic Minister's name is the same name of Grandma Fidero's brother, Richard Kelly. Your grandparents last names of Fidero and Kelly, both at St. Patrick's......and Fr. Paddy has been so instrumental and supportive to you in your spiritual journey Paul. I can't help but think that God is leaving little signs for you!" Either that, or the odds of having a Eucharistic Minister named Kelly and a deacon named Fidero at the same church only blocks from the hospital we were told to come to, was a sign that we needed to buy a lottery ticket instead!
Today, when the doctor came in and told Paul that he might be able to go home tomorrow, Paul's first question to me was, "Would we be able to get back in time to go to Joe's funeral?" I told him that there would not be enough time due to the 4 hour drive. The doctor asked him about his statement and when told, said he was very sorry for Paul's loss of a dear friend. Paul said, " I really do love Joe and Juanita. They have been so good to me." I was amazed that that was Paul's first thought after being told the hopeful news of an early discharge. I am so thankful though that it was. He has a very tender heart and he has changed so much in many ways. He is always ready to share his love with anyone in his pathway.
God's love for us is incomprehensible, but the signs of it are all around us.
May you experience it today and everyday.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
He has eaten all the meals brought to his room since yesterday. Let me correct that..........he has 'picked' his favorite things to eat, then asks if I can think of some other things he can eat. I went down to the cafeteria last night and he supplemented his meal with a plate of chicken alfredo. He walked one more time before going to bed. We said the rosary together and at one point, I fell asleep in my chair as I was reciting the Our Father and he gently called out to me and asked if I was going to be able to finish it. He took over saying it for a little while, then I finished it. We were both very tired souls at day's end. But we finally had great hope about getting to go home soon.
Today, the doctor stated that with the marked improvement, he may let Paul go home as early as Wednesday. It will depend on the level of headache and activity today. Paul asked me one more time, as he does every day, "When did you say my headaches would go away?" I told him that if I knew that, we would be living in a much fancier house than we do! I told him that God knows and since He is in charge, we will just keep praying for a quick and full recovery and will trust that God has heard our prayers. Paul said, "Okay. I sure hope it is soon."
In this past week there have been some tough times and moments where I felt real sadness about the whole situation. It hasn't helped that the room is always dark, as Paul still can't handle much light. The curtains are drawn during the day, and it is really dark in the room. Also, I can't get internet access at the hospital - for some reason I have been denied access after the first day I logged on to write a blog. I did go buy a small lamp and have a 25 watt bulb in it and then 3 night lights to help find my way around the room without tripping on anything.
But even that did not help me last Sunday to feel less sad. Jon and I had gone to a very early Mass at St. Patrick's and when we got back, we were told the doctor had come in that time. We had really wanted to speak to him to get a better sense of what was going on and what to expect. We were really disappointed about that. Later, I was talking to Jon and we were talking about our dear friends, Joe and Juanita and I could not get past my sad emotions. I was very tired, so Jon told me to go back to the hotel and get a bit of rest. I agreed I needed to get outside and see the sun and feel the cool air. I prayed to God all the way to my car and asked for his blessings on everyone I could think of and also to help me keep up my spirits. I opened the front door and I kid you not..............there was a shiny penny in the driver seat and a shiny penny in the passenger side front seat! I said out loud, "I DON'T BELIEVE IT!! OH HOW I LOVE YOU DEAR GOD." It was only a few days before and there had been that penny in the doorway of the room I had gone to to pray for Paul and for my own strength, now these 2 pennies. When I got back to the hospital, I took the pennies up and told Jon what had happened. He looked at me and said, "And I have not had any coins in my pockets!" I told him that I didn't either and also said that I had opened the sliding door to get my purse after Mass, since that is where I had left it. So it would not have fallen out of my purse. I know it sounds like there should be a reasonable explanation for those 2 pennies being there.................but I don't have one. I have thought it over and over how they could have gotten there, but don't know. They were sitting smack dab in the middle of each of the seats and both of them nice and shiny. I am going to hang on to it as God asking me once again, "Do you trust me?'. Just like the penny shows.............IN GOD WE TRUST.
The most incredible story so far for us has been this. Paul has spoken to me about 3 times prior to the accident about how he really wants to become a Eucharistic Minister. He wanted to know how he could go about doing that. I told him that he would need to speak to Fr. Paddy (Irish for Patrick). He also said that while God may be calling him to become a priest, as he thinks about it sometimes, he thinks he would rather be a deacon. He has asked if he has to be married to be a deacon and other questions about the process. He loves Deacon Evilio Garcia at our church so much and said that is why he thinks about being a Deacon. Last week, I asked where there was a Catholic church and the one about 4 blocks away is St. Patrick's. When I had inquired about having Communion brought to Paul, Fr. Robert said he would bring it. When he came to the hospital, we talked with him for awhile and he told us how he had lost his wife when she was young and it was a sudden death. He had been in the corporate world and then became a priest, after converting to the Catholic faith. He asked us if we were related to Deacon Fidero, who is at St. Patrick's? I was shocked to hear him ask that, as I didn't realize there were any other Fidero's, besides those in California. I did not think we were related, but said we would have to check into it. As he was leaving he said he would see if a Eucharistic Minister could come back on Friday to bring Paul Communion. On Friday, a man came to the room and he said he was from St. Patrick's and he came in and prayed with Paul, Jerry and me. After receiving Communion, I asked him his name and he said Dick Kelly. I smiled to myself and after he left I looked at Paul and said, "I think God is letting you know that your plans of being a Eucharistic Minister and a deacon might just be your pathway." Paul asked me why I thought so. I said, "Call it coincidence, but it was at St. Patrick's Cathedral that there is a Deacon Fidero, and the Eucharistic Minister's name is the same name of Grandma Fidero's brother, Richard Kelly. Your grandparents last names of Fidero and Kelly, both at St. Patrick's......and Fr. Paddy has been so instrumental and supportive to you in your spiritual journey Paul. I can't help but think that God is leaving little signs for you!" Either that, or the odds of having a Eucharistic Minister named Kelly and a deacon named Fidero at the same church only blocks from the hospital we were told to come to, was a sign that we needed to buy a lottery ticket instead!
Today, when the doctor came in and told Paul that he might be able to go home tomorrow, Paul's first question to me was, "Would we be able to get back in time to go to Joe's funeral?" I told him that there would not be enough time due to the 4 hour drive. The doctor asked him about his statement and when told, said he was very sorry for Paul's loss of a dear friend. Paul said, " I really do love Joe and Juanita. They have been so good to me." I was amazed that that was Paul's first thought after being told the hopeful news of an early discharge. I am so thankful though that it was. He has a very tender heart and he has changed so much in many ways. He is always ready to share his love with anyone in his pathway.
God's love for us is incomprehensible, but the signs of it are all around us.
May you experience it today and everyday.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Monday, January 29, 2007
Got To Get You Into My Life
WARNING………VERY LONG POSTING!!
It has been a very long and tiring week, with many high points and many low points. All of which are to be expected when you are in a hospital setting for so long. Being back in a hospital with Paul has brought to mind so many of the memories. There have been so many emotions experienced since last Sunday. One thing I forgot is the fatigue we used to experience in the days after Paul woke up and we would be on guard constantly, helping him eat, move and work to regain his strength. What has always made it hard was the fact that when Paul hurts, he doesn't want to put out much effort to help himself. At least, not at the beginning. He needs to be coaxed into eating, drinking, and moving past the pain to get the recovery process moving. His first inclination is to just lay there, basically in the same position and be left alone until the pain subsides. He was doing this last Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. We were not allowed to be in the room for too much more than about an hour and I noticed that no meals were ever brought to the room. I asked about it Wednesday night and was told that Paul told them he wasn't hungry and didn't want to eat. I told them that if left to his own volition, he would starve to death without realizing what he was doing to himself. I said they needed to explain why he was going to have to eat, as they moved him physically into an upright position and then offer a few choices. He also had told them he didn't want to be bathed. So basically, he had not eaten since Sunday night, had not been bathed since Sunday morning and was withering away. It was the reason he was in ICU from Monday through Friday. His head was pounding and he didn't want to move.
I came in Wednesday night and told him that he needed to help me get him past all the weakness and pain he was encountering. He had to eat something. He managed to drink some fruit juice only. It was a start! It was after 11 PM when I left the ICU, so I went back to the hotel and thought about what we could get Paul to eat the next day.
That evening, the doctor said he wished he had scans of Paul's ventricle size pre-accident. All we had were the copies of the CT scans taken the night of the accident. The doctor said he wanted to see the size of the ventricles when they were a normal size, so he would have a comparision. I knew we had these records, but they were at home in Atlanta. Jerry and Jon decided to drive and meet halfway. Jerry got back really late, but he said he had tried to find a grocery store to buy some things that Paul might like to eat, but never found a grocery store. I got on the internet the next morning and he headed to the nearest store and I went to the hospital. I called the nurse in the ICU and explained that I would be happy to help them get Paul to eat some food and that we had some of the things he really liked. They let Jerry and me come in and stay. We got Paul eating breakfast, some lunch and by dinner time, he said he liked Jerry's suggestion of a steak dinner. The nurse who was on staff said if we could get back to the hospital by 6:30, he would let us back in the ICU before shift change. We raced out and got the dinner and Paul enjoyed a feast that night. Paul's nurse, Scott, was thrilled to see the turn around in Paul. He was upright, alert and joining in the joking along with me and Jerry. The doctor actually came back by at 9:30 PM and was so happy to see Paul doing so much better. From that point on, we were allowed to come and stay with Paul as long as we wanted. The nurses were very kind to us and I think were relieved to see that progress was finally being made.
Paul's head pain continued, and in those first days after the operation, his brain pressure was high. They were having to drain off a lot of fluid to get it back down. He had an external shunt, which allowed them to do this without any problem to Paul. By Thursday afternoon it stabilized and his brain pressure remained within normal levels. Encouraged by this, we started to have great hope that the shunt would be removed for good. The doctor did another spinal tap to add more fluid to Paul's system to see if his brain would absorb the extra fluid. This test gave a borderline result. Dr. Mclanahn decided to wait awhile to make the decision about the shunt. On Friday afternoon, it was determined that with the level of headache Paul was still experiencing, the shunt would need to be put back in. Our disappointment was huge. All week I had prayed and prayed that the headaches would be resolved and that the shunt could be removed. It was now Friday, Paul still had headaches that were at a 9-9.5 on a scale of 1-10 and he was not going to be rid of his shunt system. After a long week of hours and hours of waiting and watching Paul in so much pain, we were no further along than before.
Paul had finally been moved out of ICU into his own room on Friday and we were sitting in his darkened room and the sadness filled me to the core. I started to tear up, knew I was going to cry, so I quietly walked out of the room. I found a waiting room down a different hallway and sat down and let the tears flow. I sat looking out the window and thought how nice it was to see the sun shining and the beautiful sky from this room. I then realized that directly across from this window was Paul's window. I started my rosary and prayed it to the end, while looking at his window. I finally felt that I had let go of the stress and had found some peace. I got up to go back and as I left the room, right outside the doorway, there was a penny laying on the carpet. I smiled, picked it up and said, Yes God, I trust in you. I don't understand, I am tired, I need your help, I don't know what to do next, but Yes, Lord, I trust in you. I got back to the room and told Jerry I found a penny and that was good enough for me. God wanted to let me know He was with us. 5 minutes later, Dr. Matthews came into the room and said he and the other specialist who will work on the facial nerve issue were fairly confident that Paul's nerve could be helped. It did not appear to be severed, which was really great news for us. They will see Paul at a later date and will run tests after he has recovered from his surgeries. While a door closed, God opened a window for us to 'feel the breeze' of his never ending love for His chidren. There was another thing to be hopeful about.
Paul was very alert and strong on Saturday morning. On Friday, he was able to sit up in bed, stand and get in a chair for a good while. He was really starting to feel better. Unfortunately, he was heading right back into surgery on Saturday afternoon. Michael drove up Friday night to see Paul and be with us, along with Jon. I was so happy to hug them both!! Paul really seemed to perk up once they got into town. He and Mike joked around like they used to and it was a good Saturday morning for all of us.
Saturday was Jon's birthday, so while Paul was in surgery, we all went to eat a 'birthday lunch'. It was around 3:30 PM and we were just leaving the restaurant, anxious to get back to see how the surgery went. Jerry got a call from a friend of ours at St. Stephen's. A dear friend of ours had died suddenly just hours before. It was absolutely crushing news. He and his wife had been so supportive in those first few weeks after the accident. They had lost their only daughter years before and she too was in her early 20's. Their tender, loving and Christ-like ways are what really helped sustain our family. Jon and I years ago looked at them and agreed we wanted to be just like them -a living and visual example of the sacrament of Marriage. Where you saw Joe, you saw Juanita. The tenderness and respect they showed the world around them was awesome to watch. I will never be able to convey in words what a beautiful example of God's love this couple was to us and to our whole parish. They literally are part of the foundation. They head up the RCIA program, the organization and training of Eucharistic Ministry, have been part of Marriage Encounter, Pre-Cana and so many other ministries. They are part of thousands of people's lives and are loved and cherished most especially by our parish family. They are at morning Mass just about every day of the year at St. Stephen's. Paul always lets me know who he has seen at Mass each day and he often mentions that he saw Joe and Juanita and they hugged him. It would take a book to tell the story of this couple's life and it would show how God's love works in our world. They brought it to us.
I wanted to include this not to make anyone overly sad. It is a story about the promise of God's love for his children. Just like Paul's story is and each one of ours is. It's about allowing His love to shine through, in our works and words. After Paul's surgery, he felt terrific. His headache level was at 3 and he wanted to eat. I went to get a Domino's pizza for him and Jon, along with some ice cream. (Paul's request!) We wanted to have a small celebration of a successful surgery and allow Paul to wish his dad a Happy Birthday. The conversation got to a point where it seemed very appropriate to tell Paul about Joe. We had been talking about God's love for us and about suffering. When he heard the news, he sat for a moment and then cried. I told him how that evening's reading at Mass was from St. Paul to the Corinthians and it was the one that explained God's love for us. Love is patient, love is kind, it is never jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not lord over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
If we have learned nothing else this past year, it is that love never fails. Joe and Juanita have been part of that teaching for us. They have never failed to share the truth of God’s love for His children. Paul asked me to get my Magnificat prayer book so he could read that passage out loud. As he read, he also cried for Juanita and said that he would gladly offer up his pain for her in the days to come. He said that he will always sit by her at morning Mass, so she won't be alone. ( I would imagine he will have to stand in line behind everyone who will gladly sit by her side!) Paul has learned to love more fully and sincerely with each passing day and he continues to teach our family about trusting. Paul has had some beautiful examples to learn from - Fr. Paddy, Joe and Juanita, his family and everyone else at St. Stephen's and DTSi and neighborhood! We trust that all the love our family has experienced is there for everyone else who calls uopon the Lord for the strength to carry on in their sorrows. Paul has been another example to his family how that works. His heart immediately becomes tender when he hears of someone in any kind of pain or struggle and he wants to go help. The feast of the conversion of St. Paul was this past week. We seem to be experiencing first hand Paul's conversion story.
I told him that I was going to go to Mass to receive the Body of Christ for him. He took my hand and whispered something to me. I leaned over to hear him and he repeated, "Bring me the Body of Christ." This was last Wednesday. I went to St. Patrick's and was early enough to see the priest preparing for it. I asked him if he could come to my son and bring Communion. He did just that - right after Mass. Fr. Robert said he is called to the hospital quite often and was going to be there for a baptism of a criticaly ill infant. He almost beat us back to the hospital and he asked the nurse to get us from the waiting area so we could be with Paul when he received the Body of Christ. It was one of many very incredible moments when we felt the presence of Jesus with us. Paul was very happy he was able to receive Jesus in this most beautiful sacrament. Praise God for the gift of His son! Got To Get You Into My Life!
I have so much more to share - there are some wonderful stories of faith I can hardly wait to share, but time is running out on me. I have to get back to the hospital and the internet doesn't work over there. I will try to log some of the beautiful signs our Lord has sent in the next day or two. It won't be until mid afternoon each day. That is when Paul sleeps best. God's blessings to everyone. You can try to reach us at fideroj@bellsouth.net or rafidero@bellsouth.net - we can access our email. The only problem with mine is that I can receive but can't reply from the hospital. I am thinking I may need a new laptop after all the use this past year...........it's getting sluggish and quirky. Or maybe it is operator error and I am the sluggish, quirky one!!! Our love to everyone, Jon and Rebecca
It has been a very long and tiring week, with many high points and many low points. All of which are to be expected when you are in a hospital setting for so long. Being back in a hospital with Paul has brought to mind so many of the memories. There have been so many emotions experienced since last Sunday. One thing I forgot is the fatigue we used to experience in the days after Paul woke up and we would be on guard constantly, helping him eat, move and work to regain his strength. What has always made it hard was the fact that when Paul hurts, he doesn't want to put out much effort to help himself. At least, not at the beginning. He needs to be coaxed into eating, drinking, and moving past the pain to get the recovery process moving. His first inclination is to just lay there, basically in the same position and be left alone until the pain subsides. He was doing this last Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. We were not allowed to be in the room for too much more than about an hour and I noticed that no meals were ever brought to the room. I asked about it Wednesday night and was told that Paul told them he wasn't hungry and didn't want to eat. I told them that if left to his own volition, he would starve to death without realizing what he was doing to himself. I said they needed to explain why he was going to have to eat, as they moved him physically into an upright position and then offer a few choices. He also had told them he didn't want to be bathed. So basically, he had not eaten since Sunday night, had not been bathed since Sunday morning and was withering away. It was the reason he was in ICU from Monday through Friday. His head was pounding and he didn't want to move.
I came in Wednesday night and told him that he needed to help me get him past all the weakness and pain he was encountering. He had to eat something. He managed to drink some fruit juice only. It was a start! It was after 11 PM when I left the ICU, so I went back to the hotel and thought about what we could get Paul to eat the next day.
That evening, the doctor said he wished he had scans of Paul's ventricle size pre-accident. All we had were the copies of the CT scans taken the night of the accident. The doctor said he wanted to see the size of the ventricles when they were a normal size, so he would have a comparision. I knew we had these records, but they were at home in Atlanta. Jerry and Jon decided to drive and meet halfway. Jerry got back really late, but he said he had tried to find a grocery store to buy some things that Paul might like to eat, but never found a grocery store. I got on the internet the next morning and he headed to the nearest store and I went to the hospital. I called the nurse in the ICU and explained that I would be happy to help them get Paul to eat some food and that we had some of the things he really liked. They let Jerry and me come in and stay. We got Paul eating breakfast, some lunch and by dinner time, he said he liked Jerry's suggestion of a steak dinner. The nurse who was on staff said if we could get back to the hospital by 6:30, he would let us back in the ICU before shift change. We raced out and got the dinner and Paul enjoyed a feast that night. Paul's nurse, Scott, was thrilled to see the turn around in Paul. He was upright, alert and joining in the joking along with me and Jerry. The doctor actually came back by at 9:30 PM and was so happy to see Paul doing so much better. From that point on, we were allowed to come and stay with Paul as long as we wanted. The nurses were very kind to us and I think were relieved to see that progress was finally being made.
Paul's head pain continued, and in those first days after the operation, his brain pressure was high. They were having to drain off a lot of fluid to get it back down. He had an external shunt, which allowed them to do this without any problem to Paul. By Thursday afternoon it stabilized and his brain pressure remained within normal levels. Encouraged by this, we started to have great hope that the shunt would be removed for good. The doctor did another spinal tap to add more fluid to Paul's system to see if his brain would absorb the extra fluid. This test gave a borderline result. Dr. Mclanahn decided to wait awhile to make the decision about the shunt. On Friday afternoon, it was determined that with the level of headache Paul was still experiencing, the shunt would need to be put back in. Our disappointment was huge. All week I had prayed and prayed that the headaches would be resolved and that the shunt could be removed. It was now Friday, Paul still had headaches that were at a 9-9.5 on a scale of 1-10 and he was not going to be rid of his shunt system. After a long week of hours and hours of waiting and watching Paul in so much pain, we were no further along than before.
Paul had finally been moved out of ICU into his own room on Friday and we were sitting in his darkened room and the sadness filled me to the core. I started to tear up, knew I was going to cry, so I quietly walked out of the room. I found a waiting room down a different hallway and sat down and let the tears flow. I sat looking out the window and thought how nice it was to see the sun shining and the beautiful sky from this room. I then realized that directly across from this window was Paul's window. I started my rosary and prayed it to the end, while looking at his window. I finally felt that I had let go of the stress and had found some peace. I got up to go back and as I left the room, right outside the doorway, there was a penny laying on the carpet. I smiled, picked it up and said, Yes God, I trust in you. I don't understand, I am tired, I need your help, I don't know what to do next, but Yes, Lord, I trust in you. I got back to the room and told Jerry I found a penny and that was good enough for me. God wanted to let me know He was with us. 5 minutes later, Dr. Matthews came into the room and said he and the other specialist who will work on the facial nerve issue were fairly confident that Paul's nerve could be helped. It did not appear to be severed, which was really great news for us. They will see Paul at a later date and will run tests after he has recovered from his surgeries. While a door closed, God opened a window for us to 'feel the breeze' of his never ending love for His chidren. There was another thing to be hopeful about.
Paul was very alert and strong on Saturday morning. On Friday, he was able to sit up in bed, stand and get in a chair for a good while. He was really starting to feel better. Unfortunately, he was heading right back into surgery on Saturday afternoon. Michael drove up Friday night to see Paul and be with us, along with Jon. I was so happy to hug them both!! Paul really seemed to perk up once they got into town. He and Mike joked around like they used to and it was a good Saturday morning for all of us.
Saturday was Jon's birthday, so while Paul was in surgery, we all went to eat a 'birthday lunch'. It was around 3:30 PM and we were just leaving the restaurant, anxious to get back to see how the surgery went. Jerry got a call from a friend of ours at St. Stephen's. A dear friend of ours had died suddenly just hours before. It was absolutely crushing news. He and his wife had been so supportive in those first few weeks after the accident. They had lost their only daughter years before and she too was in her early 20's. Their tender, loving and Christ-like ways are what really helped sustain our family. Jon and I years ago looked at them and agreed we wanted to be just like them -a living and visual example of the sacrament of Marriage. Where you saw Joe, you saw Juanita. The tenderness and respect they showed the world around them was awesome to watch. I will never be able to convey in words what a beautiful example of God's love this couple was to us and to our whole parish. They literally are part of the foundation. They head up the RCIA program, the organization and training of Eucharistic Ministry, have been part of Marriage Encounter, Pre-Cana and so many other ministries. They are part of thousands of people's lives and are loved and cherished most especially by our parish family. They are at morning Mass just about every day of the year at St. Stephen's. Paul always lets me know who he has seen at Mass each day and he often mentions that he saw Joe and Juanita and they hugged him. It would take a book to tell the story of this couple's life and it would show how God's love works in our world. They brought it to us.
I wanted to include this not to make anyone overly sad. It is a story about the promise of God's love for his children. Just like Paul's story is and each one of ours is. It's about allowing His love to shine through, in our works and words. After Paul's surgery, he felt terrific. His headache level was at 3 and he wanted to eat. I went to get a Domino's pizza for him and Jon, along with some ice cream. (Paul's request!) We wanted to have a small celebration of a successful surgery and allow Paul to wish his dad a Happy Birthday. The conversation got to a point where it seemed very appropriate to tell Paul about Joe. We had been talking about God's love for us and about suffering. When he heard the news, he sat for a moment and then cried. I told him how that evening's reading at Mass was from St. Paul to the Corinthians and it was the one that explained God's love for us. Love is patient, love is kind, it is never jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not lord over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
If we have learned nothing else this past year, it is that love never fails. Joe and Juanita have been part of that teaching for us. They have never failed to share the truth of God’s love for His children. Paul asked me to get my Magnificat prayer book so he could read that passage out loud. As he read, he also cried for Juanita and said that he would gladly offer up his pain for her in the days to come. He said that he will always sit by her at morning Mass, so she won't be alone. ( I would imagine he will have to stand in line behind everyone who will gladly sit by her side!) Paul has learned to love more fully and sincerely with each passing day and he continues to teach our family about trusting. Paul has had some beautiful examples to learn from - Fr. Paddy, Joe and Juanita, his family and everyone else at St. Stephen's and DTSi and neighborhood! We trust that all the love our family has experienced is there for everyone else who calls uopon the Lord for the strength to carry on in their sorrows. Paul has been another example to his family how that works. His heart immediately becomes tender when he hears of someone in any kind of pain or struggle and he wants to go help. The feast of the conversion of St. Paul was this past week. We seem to be experiencing first hand Paul's conversion story.
I told him that I was going to go to Mass to receive the Body of Christ for him. He took my hand and whispered something to me. I leaned over to hear him and he repeated, "Bring me the Body of Christ." This was last Wednesday. I went to St. Patrick's and was early enough to see the priest preparing for it. I asked him if he could come to my son and bring Communion. He did just that - right after Mass. Fr. Robert said he is called to the hospital quite often and was going to be there for a baptism of a criticaly ill infant. He almost beat us back to the hospital and he asked the nurse to get us from the waiting area so we could be with Paul when he received the Body of Christ. It was one of many very incredible moments when we felt the presence of Jesus with us. Paul was very happy he was able to receive Jesus in this most beautiful sacrament. Praise God for the gift of His son! Got To Get You Into My Life!
I have so much more to share - there are some wonderful stories of faith I can hardly wait to share, but time is running out on me. I have to get back to the hospital and the internet doesn't work over there. I will try to log some of the beautiful signs our Lord has sent in the next day or two. It won't be until mid afternoon each day. That is when Paul sleeps best. God's blessings to everyone. You can try to reach us at fideroj@bellsouth.net or rafidero@bellsouth.net - we can access our email. The only problem with mine is that I can receive but can't reply from the hospital. I am thinking I may need a new laptop after all the use this past year...........it's getting sluggish and quirky. Or maybe it is operator error and I am the sluggish, quirky one!!! Our love to everyone, Jon and Rebecca
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Under Pressure
Heaven heard your prayers!
My car didn't cause me the trouble I thought it might. It was still making a funny noise, but I turned up the radio like Jon told me to and I got to the hospital just fine! The people in the cars behind me weren't too excited about being stuck going 30 mph in a 45 zone. I wanted to take it easy. I'll have to remember this the next time I get stuck behind someone and get impatient with them!
When I got to the hospital, I was allowed to stay in Paul's room for 45 minutes!! I had been there about 15 mintues and the nurse had stepped out for about 3 minutes and came back in. I thought she would tell me it was time to leave, but she said that I could stay since I was only quietly standing there, and did not try to engage Paul in conversation. She said I was doing exactly what was best for Paul. I had been silently praying the rosary for him and he would open his eyes every once in awhile and would just smile at me. One of the times, he brought his hand out from under the blanket and waved at me with his little finger. He was in a lot of pain and apparently the morphine was not helping him for very long. The nurse said she had a call into the doctor to see if they could change out the medication and try a different one. She said they would keep trying to relieve his pain. He said his headache was on a scale of about a 9. The nurse told me that they had only been able to get the pain level down to an 8.
When I left Paul, I decided to go straight over to St. Patrick's Cathedral and light a candle for Paul and say the rosary again. I got there as the Mass was starting. The priest's homily was on the topic of unconditional love and I knew that God was reassuring me that He knew Paul was suffering and that He would stay by Paul's side. I asked God to help me have the strength to stand by once again and watch Paul suffer. While I remember some really tough days from last year, it was not any easier this time around. I was so happy I had been able to get there in time for Mass. I was sitting in the pew right next to the 13th Station of the Cross - Jesus is taken down from the cross. I noticed Blessed Mary's face and once again was reminded of the pain she suffered. I thought of Paul's words to me that we need to offer up all our pain and suffering for those who are in most need of God's mercy.
I pictured Paul as he was when I left him and asked Jesus to give Paul the grace and strength needed at this time. I asked for the strength to keep attending to Paul and bring him any comfort I could. I really need God's help, because I can not DO ANYTHING for Paul. He is in the ICU and I have to stand by and watch. I would feel better if I could do something physically for him! He is in such pain and so I try not to disburb him and basically stand there praying. I know that is an awesome thing to do for him, but the mother in me wants to tend to him and bring him comfort. I know my time with him is very limited and the time goes too quickly. Walking out of his room after each visit, knowing I have to go sit somewhere for another 4 hours has been very difficult. I thought I would be able to at least sit in his room most of the day, but that is not the case. Poor Mary, she too stood by and could not tend to her son until the 13th Station of the Cross illustrates, Jesus was taken down from the cross. I thanked God for the fact that when I can finally take care of Paul again, he will be coming home. I will try my hardest to wait out this time with patience and trust in God's unconditional love for His children.
When I first saw Paul I was shocked at how swollen his face and head was. His face is very round with the swelling. He didn't look at all like himself. I could tell though that his features were more symmetrical and the work of this surgeon was beautiful compared to his last surgeries. The incision area is very smooth and almost undetectible except for the staples that you can see. We have heard a lot of very impressive things about the 2 surgeons who worked on Paul and that brought me a lot of reassurance. Jerry called and told me he had done some research on the reconstructive surgeon and found a website that listed all of his accomplishments and his background. I was so happy that we were led to Charlotte and that we now have this team on our side. I am not having to piece it all together - Dr. McLanahan has done that for us. Thanks be to God. It has brought me so much relief. I love to drive on trips, so I really don't mind the 4 hour trip at all.
I was told that Paul would possibly be moved out of the ICU today, but when I came to Paul's room the second time the nurse told me that they were having some issues with his brain pressure. That has continued until tonight. He will remain in the ICU tomorrow and possibly the next day. I was very disappointed to hear that because the visitation times are so short. I know Paul wants someone to stay with him, but he has to wait another couple of days. Tonight, the nurse told us that Dr. Mclanahan anticipated this kind of problem and that he is still hopeful it will all settle down in a few days. He is not going to make the decision about whether the shunt is needed until near the end of the week. He is going to wait until the swelling goes down and Paul's response to the surgery settles down. We are praying with our whole hearts that the shunt will not be needed. If it were based on today's episodes of continual high pressure readings, it would be put back in. The pressure did not help Paul's headache pain. He asked me each time I visited with him when he would be free of his headaches. I think he had his heart set on the idea that he would be provided instant relief after the surgery. I told him it may take a week or so and that he would need to be patient. One more time. He said he would and asked me to pray for him. I told him that I believed that not only one soul would be saved by his suffering if he offered it up, but quite possibly a whole bunch! He smiled and said it would all be worth it then.
I called Dr. Ghaly in Chicago to thank him for his help back in May, as he was the first to diagnose the hole in the orbital. He tried to get the doctor at the one hospital to run the test for it, but his advice was not taken. It took us this long to find a doctor who would take the time to verify that might be the problem. I am not going to spend any time on the woulda, coulda, shoulda's. I asked for God's help in leading me to do His will and in His time and we are in Charlotte this day. But I was sad to hear from Dr. Ghaly that the ventricle size may never come back down, given the length of time they have been so enlarged. When I told Jon about it later, he said that he was not going to worry about it, as we were also told Paul's eye was blind. He also said that it doesn't matter, all he prays for is that Paul will be free from the pain in his head and that even if we have to take care of Paul for the rest of his life - he really hoped God would help the doctor's take Paul's pain away if it was His will. I agreed with him and prayed that God would continue to bless Paul with the strength needed to accomplish the mission God has planned for him.
Jerry came up to Charlotte tonight (Tuesday)and Paul was very glad to see him. He was a lot more talkative than he had been all night. We stood by Paul's bed and we all prayed the prayer to St. Anthony for a number of intentions and we blessed Paul. He was so peaceful as we prayed. I told him that I was sorry he would be alone during the night, but that we would be back very early in the morning. He told me that he was not alone, that Jesus Christ was with him and that he knows heaven is helping him. He has really responded well to the news that so many people were again praying for his recovery.
Wednesday 1/24
I can't access the internet at the hospital, so can't really post the updates until day's end.
I want to thank all of you so much for your prayers. I am still awestruck that so many people have come to our aid with prayerfulness for so long a time. Praise be the works of God.
God bless you and keep you in all things,
Peace in Christ our Lord,
Love, Jon and Rebecca
My car didn't cause me the trouble I thought it might. It was still making a funny noise, but I turned up the radio like Jon told me to and I got to the hospital just fine! The people in the cars behind me weren't too excited about being stuck going 30 mph in a 45 zone. I wanted to take it easy. I'll have to remember this the next time I get stuck behind someone and get impatient with them!
When I got to the hospital, I was allowed to stay in Paul's room for 45 minutes!! I had been there about 15 mintues and the nurse had stepped out for about 3 minutes and came back in. I thought she would tell me it was time to leave, but she said that I could stay since I was only quietly standing there, and did not try to engage Paul in conversation. She said I was doing exactly what was best for Paul. I had been silently praying the rosary for him and he would open his eyes every once in awhile and would just smile at me. One of the times, he brought his hand out from under the blanket and waved at me with his little finger. He was in a lot of pain and apparently the morphine was not helping him for very long. The nurse said she had a call into the doctor to see if they could change out the medication and try a different one. She said they would keep trying to relieve his pain. He said his headache was on a scale of about a 9. The nurse told me that they had only been able to get the pain level down to an 8.
When I left Paul, I decided to go straight over to St. Patrick's Cathedral and light a candle for Paul and say the rosary again. I got there as the Mass was starting. The priest's homily was on the topic of unconditional love and I knew that God was reassuring me that He knew Paul was suffering and that He would stay by Paul's side. I asked God to help me have the strength to stand by once again and watch Paul suffer. While I remember some really tough days from last year, it was not any easier this time around. I was so happy I had been able to get there in time for Mass. I was sitting in the pew right next to the 13th Station of the Cross - Jesus is taken down from the cross. I noticed Blessed Mary's face and once again was reminded of the pain she suffered. I thought of Paul's words to me that we need to offer up all our pain and suffering for those who are in most need of God's mercy.
I pictured Paul as he was when I left him and asked Jesus to give Paul the grace and strength needed at this time. I asked for the strength to keep attending to Paul and bring him any comfort I could. I really need God's help, because I can not DO ANYTHING for Paul. He is in the ICU and I have to stand by and watch. I would feel better if I could do something physically for him! He is in such pain and so I try not to disburb him and basically stand there praying. I know that is an awesome thing to do for him, but the mother in me wants to tend to him and bring him comfort. I know my time with him is very limited and the time goes too quickly. Walking out of his room after each visit, knowing I have to go sit somewhere for another 4 hours has been very difficult. I thought I would be able to at least sit in his room most of the day, but that is not the case. Poor Mary, she too stood by and could not tend to her son until the 13th Station of the Cross illustrates, Jesus was taken down from the cross. I thanked God for the fact that when I can finally take care of Paul again, he will be coming home. I will try my hardest to wait out this time with patience and trust in God's unconditional love for His children.
When I first saw Paul I was shocked at how swollen his face and head was. His face is very round with the swelling. He didn't look at all like himself. I could tell though that his features were more symmetrical and the work of this surgeon was beautiful compared to his last surgeries. The incision area is very smooth and almost undetectible except for the staples that you can see. We have heard a lot of very impressive things about the 2 surgeons who worked on Paul and that brought me a lot of reassurance. Jerry called and told me he had done some research on the reconstructive surgeon and found a website that listed all of his accomplishments and his background. I was so happy that we were led to Charlotte and that we now have this team on our side. I am not having to piece it all together - Dr. McLanahan has done that for us. Thanks be to God. It has brought me so much relief. I love to drive on trips, so I really don't mind the 4 hour trip at all.
I was told that Paul would possibly be moved out of the ICU today, but when I came to Paul's room the second time the nurse told me that they were having some issues with his brain pressure. That has continued until tonight. He will remain in the ICU tomorrow and possibly the next day. I was very disappointed to hear that because the visitation times are so short. I know Paul wants someone to stay with him, but he has to wait another couple of days. Tonight, the nurse told us that Dr. Mclanahan anticipated this kind of problem and that he is still hopeful it will all settle down in a few days. He is not going to make the decision about whether the shunt is needed until near the end of the week. He is going to wait until the swelling goes down and Paul's response to the surgery settles down. We are praying with our whole hearts that the shunt will not be needed. If it were based on today's episodes of continual high pressure readings, it would be put back in. The pressure did not help Paul's headache pain. He asked me each time I visited with him when he would be free of his headaches. I think he had his heart set on the idea that he would be provided instant relief after the surgery. I told him it may take a week or so and that he would need to be patient. One more time. He said he would and asked me to pray for him. I told him that I believed that not only one soul would be saved by his suffering if he offered it up, but quite possibly a whole bunch! He smiled and said it would all be worth it then.
I called Dr. Ghaly in Chicago to thank him for his help back in May, as he was the first to diagnose the hole in the orbital. He tried to get the doctor at the one hospital to run the test for it, but his advice was not taken. It took us this long to find a doctor who would take the time to verify that might be the problem. I am not going to spend any time on the woulda, coulda, shoulda's. I asked for God's help in leading me to do His will and in His time and we are in Charlotte this day. But I was sad to hear from Dr. Ghaly that the ventricle size may never come back down, given the length of time they have been so enlarged. When I told Jon about it later, he said that he was not going to worry about it, as we were also told Paul's eye was blind. He also said that it doesn't matter, all he prays for is that Paul will be free from the pain in his head and that even if we have to take care of Paul for the rest of his life - he really hoped God would help the doctor's take Paul's pain away if it was His will. I agreed with him and prayed that God would continue to bless Paul with the strength needed to accomplish the mission God has planned for him.
Jerry came up to Charlotte tonight (Tuesday)and Paul was very glad to see him. He was a lot more talkative than he had been all night. We stood by Paul's bed and we all prayed the prayer to St. Anthony for a number of intentions and we blessed Paul. He was so peaceful as we prayed. I told him that I was sorry he would be alone during the night, but that we would be back very early in the morning. He told me that he was not alone, that Jesus Christ was with him and that he knows heaven is helping him. He has really responded well to the news that so many people were again praying for his recovery.
Wednesday 1/24
I can't access the internet at the hospital, so can't really post the updates until day's end.
I want to thank all of you so much for your prayers. I am still awestruck that so many people have come to our aid with prayerfulness for so long a time. Praise be the works of God.
God bless you and keep you in all things,
Peace in Christ our Lord,
Love, Jon and Rebecca
Surgery Update
It is 1:24 AM and I have just gotten back from the hospital. I decided to decompress by reading through the blog I posted and then read the comments. I laughed as I saw all the mistakes and the ONE BIG PARAGRAPH. I was in a hurry to get all my thoughts down and when I hit the 'publish' button, it didn't work. I realized that my internet connection had timed out. I had exactly 8 minutes to get out of the hotel before we would surely then be late to the hospital. I tried to save the posting but it was not going to work. Paul told me to hit Control C and I was able to save the posting to a word document. I reopened the blog site and then pasted the document back into a new posting. I guess that is what caused all my paragraphs to be one big one. As I was doing all this maneuvering, Paul said, "Mom, we need to leave. Remember I am supposed to be going somewhere?" I told him that I needed to get the message out that we needed prayers for a successful surgery and I was going as fast as the computer would allow me. He said, "Yeah, great. And tomorrow you can post a blog about how we missed the surgery because you were fiddling around on your computer!"
So, it is now 'tomorrow' and the surgery is done. The doctors said it went very well, they indeed found the hole and fixed it. The eye was placed back into the orbit after it was rebuilt and I was told that it should look a lot more normal. The shunt was taken out and there is an external shunt instead. They will keep the brain pressure very low so that the repair of the hole will set properly and not be forced open. I was told that there is damage to Paul's eye muscle right where the break occurred, which is what keeps his eye from moving up and down. It moves from left to right, but not up and down. That issue will be addressed by Dr. Matthews later down the road. There is a list of things that needed attention and they started with the most urgent.
Please pray most especially that Paul will not need to have a shunt at all. That is one thing they are monitoring and it is the doctor's hope it won't be needed now that the hole has been repaired. We won't know until near week's end. When I left tonight I was told that Paul is bleeding more than the ICU nurse was comfortable with. She had placed a call to the neurosurgeon and she added more bandaging to his head. She is not allowed to take anything off - just add to it. She said that she would be placing another call to the doctor if it didn't stop. I wanted to stay, but Paul was trying to talk to me and he was in pain. His first words to me were " I love you Mom. Please pray with me." I prayed for him as I held his hand and he mouthed the words to all the prayers. He was very coherent and a few minutes into our visit, he actually smiled as he said he was thinking about the joke he would play on Jerry if he came to visit him in the hospital. Those 2 are always thinking up new jokes to play on each other and Paul was already on track to pull one on Jerry. I talked with him a little bit longer and he asked me to have everyone pray for him. His head was really hurting and he asked me if he could have some Tylenol. The nurse heard him asking for that and she said she would be getting him some pain medication in just a few minutes. He looked at me and said, "Could you ask her to give me something that actually will work?" I laughed because he has always said he doesn't know why he has to take the prescription medications every day, since it is only the Tylenol that helps him most. I wanted to write a quick note to let you know the surgery went well. I don't know the outcome of the bleeding issue. I have been up since 4 AM Monday morning and I am exhausted. I will update as often as possible. The ICU unit here is very strict in its visiting policy. I will be able to see Paul every 4 hours, but for 15 minutes only. There are no chairs in the room and he has a nurse who will be standing in there with him, watching the monitors. They have to keep the brain pressure below 10 and it was taking regular adjusting. His vital signs are taken every 15 minutes also. I felt he was in good hands, so left to get some rest before a very long day today.
A really wonderful thing about my day was that I was able to do some reading and had the time to sit and pray quietly. I am so grateful for that time. I checked out the location of a church nearby so that I might be able to attend Mass each day. The downtown cathedral of St. Patrick's is only blocks away! Since I am not going to be able to sit with Paul all day, I will surely have the time to do the best thing for him - attend Mass and sit in church. I am going to see if Communion can be brought to him also. He smiled when I told him I was going to check on that.
God's peace and blessings to all of you and your families.
Love , Jon and Rebecca
p.s. I need to ask you also to pray that my van will not cause me trouble. I was not able to back up last night when trying to leave the hospital and when I tried it again, there was a very loud 'clank' noise and then the brakes made a grinding noise all the way back to the hotel. I had Jon on the phone the whole time and God provided an angel..............a police car was right beside me most of the way back. I guess he was wondering what a woman from Georgia was doing on the roads at that time........smile. My prayer to God as I fell asleep was that if there is such a thing as an angel who also does mechanical work on the side, I was making an appointment for him!
If it does break down, Jon will drive up and we will get it into the dealership. He might be the angel God sends!
So, it is now 'tomorrow' and the surgery is done. The doctors said it went very well, they indeed found the hole and fixed it. The eye was placed back into the orbit after it was rebuilt and I was told that it should look a lot more normal. The shunt was taken out and there is an external shunt instead. They will keep the brain pressure very low so that the repair of the hole will set properly and not be forced open. I was told that there is damage to Paul's eye muscle right where the break occurred, which is what keeps his eye from moving up and down. It moves from left to right, but not up and down. That issue will be addressed by Dr. Matthews later down the road. There is a list of things that needed attention and they started with the most urgent.
Please pray most especially that Paul will not need to have a shunt at all. That is one thing they are monitoring and it is the doctor's hope it won't be needed now that the hole has been repaired. We won't know until near week's end. When I left tonight I was told that Paul is bleeding more than the ICU nurse was comfortable with. She had placed a call to the neurosurgeon and she added more bandaging to his head. She is not allowed to take anything off - just add to it. She said that she would be placing another call to the doctor if it didn't stop. I wanted to stay, but Paul was trying to talk to me and he was in pain. His first words to me were " I love you Mom. Please pray with me." I prayed for him as I held his hand and he mouthed the words to all the prayers. He was very coherent and a few minutes into our visit, he actually smiled as he said he was thinking about the joke he would play on Jerry if he came to visit him in the hospital. Those 2 are always thinking up new jokes to play on each other and Paul was already on track to pull one on Jerry. I talked with him a little bit longer and he asked me to have everyone pray for him. His head was really hurting and he asked me if he could have some Tylenol. The nurse heard him asking for that and she said she would be getting him some pain medication in just a few minutes. He looked at me and said, "Could you ask her to give me something that actually will work?" I laughed because he has always said he doesn't know why he has to take the prescription medications every day, since it is only the Tylenol that helps him most. I wanted to write a quick note to let you know the surgery went well. I don't know the outcome of the bleeding issue. I have been up since 4 AM Monday morning and I am exhausted. I will update as often as possible. The ICU unit here is very strict in its visiting policy. I will be able to see Paul every 4 hours, but for 15 minutes only. There are no chairs in the room and he has a nurse who will be standing in there with him, watching the monitors. They have to keep the brain pressure below 10 and it was taking regular adjusting. His vital signs are taken every 15 minutes also. I felt he was in good hands, so left to get some rest before a very long day today.
A really wonderful thing about my day was that I was able to do some reading and had the time to sit and pray quietly. I am so grateful for that time. I checked out the location of a church nearby so that I might be able to attend Mass each day. The downtown cathedral of St. Patrick's is only blocks away! Since I am not going to be able to sit with Paul all day, I will surely have the time to do the best thing for him - attend Mass and sit in church. I am going to see if Communion can be brought to him also. He smiled when I told him I was going to check on that.
God's peace and blessings to all of you and your families.
Love , Jon and Rebecca
p.s. I need to ask you also to pray that my van will not cause me trouble. I was not able to back up last night when trying to leave the hospital and when I tried it again, there was a very loud 'clank' noise and then the brakes made a grinding noise all the way back to the hotel. I had Jon on the phone the whole time and God provided an angel..............a police car was right beside me most of the way back. I guess he was wondering what a woman from Georgia was doing on the roads at that time........smile. My prayer to God as I fell asleep was that if there is such a thing as an angel who also does mechanical work on the side, I was making an appointment for him!
If it does break down, Jon will drive up and we will get it into the dealership. He might be the angel God sends!
Monday, January 22, 2007
Filled with the Holy Spirit
We are only hours away from Paul's reconstructive surgery and he is truly filled with the Holy Spirit. Paul has not waivered in his trust that this surgery will be very beneficial. He asks almost every day, "Mom, isn't this surgery going to be what takes away my headaches?" I respond each time that that is what we are praying for. He most times will ask if we can say a prayer together for the doctors. We have been praying all week, ever since we got the notice of the surgery today. Paul spent this last week in very severe pain. I even called the doctor on Wednesday to see if we could bring him up to be checked out. I didn't want anything getting in the way of the surgery! He said that as long as there was no fever, Paul was okay. What triggered this was a really hard sneeze on Monday night. Paul cried out in pain right after it and then went to bed. He didn't work all week and said his headaches were at 8.8 (Tuesday) with Tylenol and on Wednesday had climbed to 9.4, which is the level he used to say before he had any surgeries for hydrocephalus. He was really suffering. By Thursday, they started to come back down in intensity. The doctor said that since there is a leak, air possibly could have gotten in to the brain and was causing the pain. He told us to watch for a fever, which would possibly mean meningitis. Nothing developed (except a prolonged headache for me..........oh well..........misery loves company!) He felt really good on Saturday so we helped Jerry and his mother prepare the hot meals that are delivered each week to a number of homeless men and women who live under a bridge in downtown Atlanta. A different group from the Outreach Program at St. Stephen's cooks, prepares and delivers the 35 hot meals (which also includes a lunch) to these very unfortunate people. Paul was very involved with it, helping to get the food into the styrofoam trays, and then putting those into coolers. We loaded up my van, and then Jerry, his parents, Paul and I went to the church to get the lunches that another couple had put together and also some supplies. We drove downtown and met Rick and Helen and we then handed out the food. I had forgotten that I had a lot of clothing I had planned on taking to the co-op for the needy and Paul helped hand out all the warm sweat suits, fleece tops and sweaters that I had in there. Rick and Jerry handed out hats and socks. Paul helped one man in particular get his sweat shirt on over another one he was wearing. This man was so happy to get an extra layer, as the temperatures have really dropped this past week. It did this mother's heart so much good to see Paul be able to help others. He was very soft spoken and told each person, "God bless you brother". He looked at each of them and was not rushed about it. He has changed so much and I know it is all about God's work that has to be done. One more converted heart in his son Paul. One more servant to help Him bring about the Glory that is God's. Praise be to our God, who loves us so much that He makes Himself knows to each of us in our own special way and in His time. Awesome, awesome, awesome stuff going on!! On Saturday, after Mass, Fr. Paddy called Paul and I up to the alter and asked everyone to keep Paul in their prayers today. Paul and I were so surprised when Fr. Paddy called us up there. He administerd the sacrament of the Annointing of the Sick for Paul. Paul came back to our pew and as Fr. Paddy asked all of us to pray the prayer to Our Mother of Perpetual Help, Paul got a bit choked up and said he could not believe how kind Fr. Paddy was. He was so happy he had received this blessing. He chuckled about it later when he remembered that he would also get a blessing from Fr. Jack out at St. Monica's where Anne works. Earlier in the week, Paul had asked me when he could go see Anne and Fr. Jack again. I told him any Sunday he wanted. He called Anne and asked what time the Masses were and he made plans to meet her at the 10:45 AM Mass and while he was talking to her, Fr. Jack got on the phone and told Paul he would give him a blessing. Paul was so excited about it. He told Anne that we would also take them out to lunch. We made plans then to leave for Charlotte right after lunch, since we were 1/2 north of the city and well on the way to Charlotte. Once again, I have to say that we are so blessed to have these wonderfully caring priests in our lives. Fr. Paddy's support all these months has been so incredible. Paul really loves Fr. Paddy -so much so that Paul responds with an "aye" instead of yes when he talks to just about everyone! Paul has never forgotten our telling him that Fr. Paddy was at the hospital before us and that Fr. Jack was there within minutes of my arriving. The comfort of having them there was immense. The comfort of having them both bless Paul this past weekend has been immense. Paul is so trusting that with the blessings he has received and the prayers of so many, he will be healed. He is filled with the hope and promise that God will take care of his needs. We prayed for a long time last night before we went to sleep. This morning, we started out with the readings from today's Mass. Sirach 34:16 The eyes of the Lord are upon those who love Him; He is their mighty shield and strong support, A shelter from the heat, a shade from the noonday sun, a guard against stumbliing, a help against falling. Ps 18:3 My God is the rock where I take refuge; my shield, my mighty help, my stronghold. O God of glory, you are our shelter against the burning heat of the day and the storms of life. Help us when we stumble, catch us when we fall and guide our steps firmly in faith toward the promise of eternal life, through Jesus Christ our Lord. As I told Paul - no matter what the outcome, we are one day closer to being with God in heaven. All we have to do is keep living our lives according to His will, accepting all that He delivers. Praise be His holy name, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. As Jon, Mike, Jon, Marie and Uncle Keith march for life in Washington, we march towards a more full life for Paul. All with the help of God and all your prayers. May God open the eyes of so many who live away from the Light of Christ. COME HOLY SPIRIT! (sorry about any typing errors.........Jon isn't available to proof read before I send this and I am racing to get out the door..........as usual.........smile.)
Love, Jon and Rebecca
Love, Jon and Rebecca
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Change......my baby's got me locked up in 'change'.
On Monday evening, right before I got home from work, I got a call from Dr. McLanahan in Charlotte. He said that there were 3 options on the time and date of Paul's surgery. They were hoping for a cancellation of a surgery on Monday, 1/22 and that there was an open time at 4:00 PM. He didn't really like the late afternoon time since there would be less staff in the recovery room and ICU when he and Dr. Matthews would be finished around 9:00 PM. The only other date for the surgery would be 1/27. He didn't want to do it then because he has to leave for Europe for a conference about 6 days later. He was not comfortable leaving so soon after Paul's surgery. He said they are planning for Paul to be in the hospital for about 5 days. He wants to do the test of the external shunt after the surgery to determine if the shunt is even needed. It is his hope that with the repair to the orbit area where the leak of brain fluid comes out, the shunt may not be needed. They will force fluid into the brain to see if Paul's brain will be able to absorb it on its own. They will monitor the brain pressure closely and if his system cannot absorb the fluid, he will change the shunt to a much more finely tuned valve that has had great success. It comes from Germany.
I immediately realized when he said the surgery would be next Monday, that Jon would not be able to come. He and Michael had made reservations to fly into Washington D.C. for the Pro Life Weekend and March. They are meeting my brother Keith and also Jon and Marie. I called Jon with the news of the surgery and said, "Didn't I tell you that all you needed to do was to make reservations for a flight and the surgery would be scheduled!" I told him that he needed to keep his plans as it is so important an issue. Paul and I had signed up to take a bus downtown to Atlanta and were going to take part in the Pro Life event also. We had talked about how we would all be together in spirit. It was something we all wanted to do, most especially after Paul's miraculous recovery and the fact that a number of people had not given us much hope for his life. I have seen the faces of some medical professionals and have heard them say things that would leave very little hope for a positive outcome in Paul's recovery. They didn't see him as a viable human being. The see him laying on the examining table, with sunglasses and eye patch, paralysis of the face, non-talkative and apparently uninterested in his surroundings. They don't take time to even talk to him and will speak about him like he can't be hurt with their words. I have learned first hand about respect for life. It has been a valuable lesson to our family too. We want to be committed to being a voice for all those who can't speak and who are deserving of all the care we would want for ourselves.
So, with our plans changed, I will drive up on Sunday with Paul. Jon will come up later if needed. We decided that we need to plan our personal time off from work very wisely so that we don't run out of time before Paul's needs are met. We need to 'tag team'. We also decided that Michael needs his parent's interaction just as much as Paul. He has been a real trouper through all of this and has stood on the side lines, bravely and quietly. He has not caused us any trouble and has accepted the responsibilities thrust upon him without complaint. It is his senior year in high school and we want to spend as much time with him as possible, enjoying his presence in our home while we can. It is his turn! I am so happy he and Jon will get to be together for such a worthwhile cause.
I have to tell you about what happened on Monday. It was so incredible.
I got to work Monday morning and in my chair was a copy of a prayer written by St. Francis de Sales. It's content was exactly what I had written about at 11 PM the night before. Later, after hearing that the surgery was on 1/22, I checked out which saint might have a feast day on that date. It was St. Vincent of Saragossa. He was the first martyr of Spain and is the patron saint of 'wine makers.' I had written the last posting on Sunday night, titling it "New wine, old wine skins". A pretty obscure title to be sure, based on a gospel reading that I had heard tons of times before, but finally struck a chord with me. Getting the prayer and learning about St. Vincent made me think I was, just possibly, on the same page as God! I took these things as confirmation about all I had been thinking and writing. To get a prayer from a co-worker (who has remained anonymous) that was related to what I had written only hours before and then to find out about the patron saint of wine makers............coincidence? I think not! (To quote my daughter in law, Marie.) I so love these moments where it's almost as if God has spoken out loud - just so awesome and wonderful.
I have a lot of pictures that should have been posted with the past few blogs. I will try to get them on in the next 2 days.
I will leave you with the prayer that was left at my desk.
Be at peace.
Do not fear the changes of life,
rather look to them with full
hope as they arise.
God, whose very own you are,
will deliver you out of them.
He has kept you hitherto,
and He will lead you safely through
all things;
and when you cannot stand it,
God will bury you in His arms.
Do not be afraid of what may happen tomorrow;
the everlasting Father
who cares for you today
will take care of you then and everyday.
He will either shield you from suffering,
or will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace
and put aside all anxious thoughts
and imaginations.
St. Francis de Sales
Amen to that!
Love, Jon and Rebecca
I immediately realized when he said the surgery would be next Monday, that Jon would not be able to come. He and Michael had made reservations to fly into Washington D.C. for the Pro Life Weekend and March. They are meeting my brother Keith and also Jon and Marie. I called Jon with the news of the surgery and said, "Didn't I tell you that all you needed to do was to make reservations for a flight and the surgery would be scheduled!" I told him that he needed to keep his plans as it is so important an issue. Paul and I had signed up to take a bus downtown to Atlanta and were going to take part in the Pro Life event also. We had talked about how we would all be together in spirit. It was something we all wanted to do, most especially after Paul's miraculous recovery and the fact that a number of people had not given us much hope for his life. I have seen the faces of some medical professionals and have heard them say things that would leave very little hope for a positive outcome in Paul's recovery. They didn't see him as a viable human being. The see him laying on the examining table, with sunglasses and eye patch, paralysis of the face, non-talkative and apparently uninterested in his surroundings. They don't take time to even talk to him and will speak about him like he can't be hurt with their words. I have learned first hand about respect for life. It has been a valuable lesson to our family too. We want to be committed to being a voice for all those who can't speak and who are deserving of all the care we would want for ourselves.
So, with our plans changed, I will drive up on Sunday with Paul. Jon will come up later if needed. We decided that we need to plan our personal time off from work very wisely so that we don't run out of time before Paul's needs are met. We need to 'tag team'. We also decided that Michael needs his parent's interaction just as much as Paul. He has been a real trouper through all of this and has stood on the side lines, bravely and quietly. He has not caused us any trouble and has accepted the responsibilities thrust upon him without complaint. It is his senior year in high school and we want to spend as much time with him as possible, enjoying his presence in our home while we can. It is his turn! I am so happy he and Jon will get to be together for such a worthwhile cause.
I have to tell you about what happened on Monday. It was so incredible.
I got to work Monday morning and in my chair was a copy of a prayer written by St. Francis de Sales. It's content was exactly what I had written about at 11 PM the night before. Later, after hearing that the surgery was on 1/22, I checked out which saint might have a feast day on that date. It was St. Vincent of Saragossa. He was the first martyr of Spain and is the patron saint of 'wine makers.' I had written the last posting on Sunday night, titling it "New wine, old wine skins". A pretty obscure title to be sure, based on a gospel reading that I had heard tons of times before, but finally struck a chord with me. Getting the prayer and learning about St. Vincent made me think I was, just possibly, on the same page as God! I took these things as confirmation about all I had been thinking and writing. To get a prayer from a co-worker (who has remained anonymous) that was related to what I had written only hours before and then to find out about the patron saint of wine makers............coincidence? I think not! (To quote my daughter in law, Marie.) I so love these moments where it's almost as if God has spoken out loud - just so awesome and wonderful.
I have a lot of pictures that should have been posted with the past few blogs. I will try to get them on in the next 2 days.
I will leave you with the prayer that was left at my desk.
Be at peace.
Do not fear the changes of life,
rather look to them with full
hope as they arise.
God, whose very own you are,
will deliver you out of them.
He has kept you hitherto,
and He will lead you safely through
all things;
and when you cannot stand it,
God will bury you in His arms.
Do not be afraid of what may happen tomorrow;
the everlasting Father
who cares for you today
will take care of you then and everyday.
He will either shield you from suffering,
or will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace
and put aside all anxious thoughts
and imaginations.
St. Francis de Sales
Amen to that!
Love, Jon and Rebecca
Sunday, January 14, 2007
New wine, old wineskins
As we started our new year, I found myself wishing that things could be back to 'normal'. (Okay...... a contradiction in terms for our family!) I was thinking how great it would be if Paul could just be done with all the 'roadblocks' and be back in college and we could all get back to our routines. You know - get back to LIFE. I had a really bad case of burnout at year's end! We all did. It was on the feast of the Holy Family that I felt very strongly that God was telling me that He wanted us to be a holy family also. I sat thinking that I too, would love for us to be a holy family. Somehow, we had failed that part of this test. I started to take some time to think about it and how we could even begin to set it in motion, given the chaotic schedules we seemed stuck in. It occurred to me that in the months following the accident we had pulled together and our prayer life was awesome. As I looked back, I realized we had slipped out of that routine and while we were each praying individually, we were drifting apart, and were more like islands. I knew that this traumatic experience had taken its toll on each one of us, but didn't realize to what extent until I took the time to reflect on where we were as a family.
There is no way we will be the same and the dynamics of our family has changed dramatically. James and Michael are the younger brothers, but have been thrown into the older brother mold in terms of their relationship with Paul. With James and Jon away at college, Michael was able to get a lot closer to Paul. Paul invited Michael to tag along on many occassions and Michael was having the time of his life at that point. Paul and James are actually closest in age, with only 19 months between their ages. James could not have been any more proud of Paul and all he was accomplishing with his musical abilities. James took a copy of Paul's CD down to school and had a lot of people listening to his older brother's music. Anyone who knows Jon or Paul, knew how incredibly close those 2 brothers are. I know Jon misses the relationship they had previously very much. We all do.
After a year, we are still struggling to adapt to the huge changes in our lives and relationships. We are not unique of course. Any family would be struggling, given this set of circumstances. But one thing that HAD been holding us all together, was our daily prayer as a family. It was where everything came to a stand still and our minds were able to be quiet as we prayed the rosary. And most times, we would sit and talk afterwards. There was peace in those moments, there was laughter and there were tears. But it was a shared experience - a family experience. Unfortunately, that is what we have allowed to get lost over time. In a way, we did get back to some of our normal ways we had before the accident. With Paul gaining more independence, we got busy heading out in our OWN directions again. I am sure we were heading out in our own directions as a way of escaping some of the unwanted changes in our home! Jon and I take turns running the errands while the other one stays with Paul and Michael has never been at a loss for a reason to 'bail out' and stays busy doing his own thing. He seems to be home only as long as he has to be. I haven't blamed him since nothing much seems normal anymore. James came home from Europe and was really looking forward to being home with family. Sadly, it didn't feel much like family and it was hard for him to come back after 5 months and see these changes.
So, on the feast of the Holy Family, I hear in my heart the message that God wanted us to be more like the Holy Family. My eyes teared up as I looked at the Nativity scene on the altar at that Mass and asked God how was that going to happen since we all seemed to be hurting so much lately? I didn't have the emotional strength to 'make it happen'. I could not make the family happy. I could not lift up their spirits. So I begged God for the way to help us find our way back to His will and His way in our lives. It was fairly evident we were falling apart at the seams. I did feel hopeless and tired.
Then, when we started to pray the rosary together for the needs of the family whose son had died last week and started to add the needs of other people who had asked us to pray for them, I remembered how much comfort it used to bring me having the family praying TOGETHER. I smiled as I was going to sleep one night, knowing that God was guiding us towards His will for our family. We had to gain the discipline of family prayer again. That is how we were to begin. How else could God bring back all the guidance we needed to keep walking towards heaven? When my sons were very little, I took my role as mother and guardian of these children of God very seriously. I understood that I would play an important part in helping them back home to heaven. And 25 years later, I know that I can not 'make' them happy, but I can help them be HOLY. Jon and I need to be more committed than ever in setting the example of how they needed to respond to any trauma or changes in life. Our family prayer time will keep us lovingly united with God and each other. We were placed together as a family for a purpose. Through love and prayerfulness we should be able to accomplish our mission.
On the heels of this realization, I was praying tonight ,after everyone had settled in for the evening. I started to read tomorrow's readings and God provided me the visual aid that brought His message more clearly to mind.
Mark 2:21-22
Likewise, no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins and both the wine and the skins are ruined. Rather, new wine is poured into fresh wineskins.
God wanted to pour new wine into our lives. We had to be prepared to accept it and in our old 'normal' ways, we were like the old wineskins. Left to our own volition, we would never be ready! We were settled quite solidly in our comfort zones. So on 11/11/05, God stepped up the pace.
Change can be difficult. Abrupt change is much worse.
I wrote this posting to let you know that we are a struggling family like so many others. We get off course and lose our way and tempers. Yes, I admit it...........our tempers too! Our experience though, has shown that God always helps us get back on the pathway that is meant for us. If the road you are on doesn't seem to have any lights and is dark - you probably took a wrong turn. His greatest desire is for each of us to be back with Him in heaven, for all eternity. So call on the Trinity when you are lost...............AAA won't be of any use.
"This life is naught but a struggle for good men.
The holy book hath sung it in your ears.
The son the father loves most tenderly
He chastens most: and so God proves his saints
By hard blows here, and recompense of joy hereafter.
So take it not to heart, my brothers,
This inconsistency of earthly things,
The swirling eddies.
So was and so shall be this changing world...
Beloved, let us love the lasting things
Of heaven, than the dying things of earth.
Here time brings change, and nothing canst thou see
But suffers alteration: there abides
One sole unchanging everlasting day............
For He that cast down raiseth up again,
He maketh sore and bindeth up,
He woundeth and his hands make whole.
Breaketh in shards and buildeth up again.
By day and night entreat in holy prayer
The kind Christ, that He keep you everywhere."
This past weekend, James headed back to Ave Maria University. It was very sad for us to say goodbye. But we did get to relive one wonderful experience from our past. We had the pleasure of having 4 other Ave Maria students stay at our house overnight. They were on their way to Florida from states in the northeast and midwest and Atlanta is a good place to stop and get some rest. It was absolutely awesome for Jon and I. We are always so impressed with these young adults and feel so blessed to meet each and every one of them. They are such bright lights in our world today!! I pray for the youth of the world every day, that they may hear the voice of Jesus calling them by name. Just as the students we have met over the years .
I got to do what I love so much - cook for a big group of people and then sit back and watch them enjoy! It was a very happy time for our family and I am grateful that God provided us this opportunity. We look forward to many more such visits ahead. So to anyone who needs a rest along the way in their travels through Atlanta, Hotel Fidero is open again.
Update: We called to see if they had scheduled the surgery in Charlotte, but it appears they are still trying to coordinate the schedules of the 2 surgeons. While it was mentioned at our last appointment in December that the surgery would be done in an urgent matter.................we know our understanding of that word is different than that of the medical profession.
All in God's time. I guess you are all gaining lessons in patience, right along with us.
It is a virtue!
The lost I will seek out, the strayed I will bring back, the injured I will bind up, the sick I will heal, shepherding the rightly. (EZ 34:16)
Christ be our Light,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
There is no way we will be the same and the dynamics of our family has changed dramatically. James and Michael are the younger brothers, but have been thrown into the older brother mold in terms of their relationship with Paul. With James and Jon away at college, Michael was able to get a lot closer to Paul. Paul invited Michael to tag along on many occassions and Michael was having the time of his life at that point. Paul and James are actually closest in age, with only 19 months between their ages. James could not have been any more proud of Paul and all he was accomplishing with his musical abilities. James took a copy of Paul's CD down to school and had a lot of people listening to his older brother's music. Anyone who knows Jon or Paul, knew how incredibly close those 2 brothers are. I know Jon misses the relationship they had previously very much. We all do.
After a year, we are still struggling to adapt to the huge changes in our lives and relationships. We are not unique of course. Any family would be struggling, given this set of circumstances. But one thing that HAD been holding us all together, was our daily prayer as a family. It was where everything came to a stand still and our minds were able to be quiet as we prayed the rosary. And most times, we would sit and talk afterwards. There was peace in those moments, there was laughter and there were tears. But it was a shared experience - a family experience. Unfortunately, that is what we have allowed to get lost over time. In a way, we did get back to some of our normal ways we had before the accident. With Paul gaining more independence, we got busy heading out in our OWN directions again. I am sure we were heading out in our own directions as a way of escaping some of the unwanted changes in our home! Jon and I take turns running the errands while the other one stays with Paul and Michael has never been at a loss for a reason to 'bail out' and stays busy doing his own thing. He seems to be home only as long as he has to be. I haven't blamed him since nothing much seems normal anymore. James came home from Europe and was really looking forward to being home with family. Sadly, it didn't feel much like family and it was hard for him to come back after 5 months and see these changes.
So, on the feast of the Holy Family, I hear in my heart the message that God wanted us to be more like the Holy Family. My eyes teared up as I looked at the Nativity scene on the altar at that Mass and asked God how was that going to happen since we all seemed to be hurting so much lately? I didn't have the emotional strength to 'make it happen'. I could not make the family happy. I could not lift up their spirits. So I begged God for the way to help us find our way back to His will and His way in our lives. It was fairly evident we were falling apart at the seams. I did feel hopeless and tired.
Then, when we started to pray the rosary together for the needs of the family whose son had died last week and started to add the needs of other people who had asked us to pray for them, I remembered how much comfort it used to bring me having the family praying TOGETHER. I smiled as I was going to sleep one night, knowing that God was guiding us towards His will for our family. We had to gain the discipline of family prayer again. That is how we were to begin. How else could God bring back all the guidance we needed to keep walking towards heaven? When my sons were very little, I took my role as mother and guardian of these children of God very seriously. I understood that I would play an important part in helping them back home to heaven. And 25 years later, I know that I can not 'make' them happy, but I can help them be HOLY. Jon and I need to be more committed than ever in setting the example of how they needed to respond to any trauma or changes in life. Our family prayer time will keep us lovingly united with God and each other. We were placed together as a family for a purpose. Through love and prayerfulness we should be able to accomplish our mission.
On the heels of this realization, I was praying tonight ,after everyone had settled in for the evening. I started to read tomorrow's readings and God provided me the visual aid that brought His message more clearly to mind.
Mark 2:21-22
Likewise, no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins and both the wine and the skins are ruined. Rather, new wine is poured into fresh wineskins.
God wanted to pour new wine into our lives. We had to be prepared to accept it and in our old 'normal' ways, we were like the old wineskins. Left to our own volition, we would never be ready! We were settled quite solidly in our comfort zones. So on 11/11/05, God stepped up the pace.
Change can be difficult. Abrupt change is much worse.
I wrote this posting to let you know that we are a struggling family like so many others. We get off course and lose our way and tempers. Yes, I admit it...........our tempers too! Our experience though, has shown that God always helps us get back on the pathway that is meant for us. If the road you are on doesn't seem to have any lights and is dark - you probably took a wrong turn. His greatest desire is for each of us to be back with Him in heaven, for all eternity. So call on the Trinity when you are lost...............AAA won't be of any use.
"This life is naught but a struggle for good men.
The holy book hath sung it in your ears.
The son the father loves most tenderly
He chastens most: and so God proves his saints
By hard blows here, and recompense of joy hereafter.
So take it not to heart, my brothers,
This inconsistency of earthly things,
The swirling eddies.
So was and so shall be this changing world...
Beloved, let us love the lasting things
Of heaven, than the dying things of earth.
Here time brings change, and nothing canst thou see
But suffers alteration: there abides
One sole unchanging everlasting day............
For He that cast down raiseth up again,
He maketh sore and bindeth up,
He woundeth and his hands make whole.
Breaketh in shards and buildeth up again.
By day and night entreat in holy prayer
The kind Christ, that He keep you everywhere."
This past weekend, James headed back to Ave Maria University. It was very sad for us to say goodbye. But we did get to relive one wonderful experience from our past. We had the pleasure of having 4 other Ave Maria students stay at our house overnight. They were on their way to Florida from states in the northeast and midwest and Atlanta is a good place to stop and get some rest. It was absolutely awesome for Jon and I. We are always so impressed with these young adults and feel so blessed to meet each and every one of them. They are such bright lights in our world today!! I pray for the youth of the world every day, that they may hear the voice of Jesus calling them by name. Just as the students we have met over the years .
I got to do what I love so much - cook for a big group of people and then sit back and watch them enjoy! It was a very happy time for our family and I am grateful that God provided us this opportunity. We look forward to many more such visits ahead. So to anyone who needs a rest along the way in their travels through Atlanta, Hotel Fidero is open again.
Update: We called to see if they had scheduled the surgery in Charlotte, but it appears they are still trying to coordinate the schedules of the 2 surgeons. While it was mentioned at our last appointment in December that the surgery would be done in an urgent matter.................we know our understanding of that word is different than that of the medical profession.
All in God's time. I guess you are all gaining lessons in patience, right along with us.
It is a virtue!
The lost I will seek out, the strayed I will bring back, the injured I will bind up, the sick I will heal, shepherding the rightly. (EZ 34:16)
Christ be our Light,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say
I am not sure if you noticed one of the comments posted last week where we were asked to call Gabriel or his mother, Lucilla. It took me a day and a half to find their phone number and I was told by Gabrel that a young man, who is a fellow class mate of our son Michael, had been helping his father cut down some trees and had fallen and was in critical condition at the same hospital Paul was taken. He had a serious head injury. I learned later in the day that the mother of Francisco attends daily Mass at our church, St. Stephen's. Our family started to pray immediately for Francisco and his family. We knew exactly what they were going through. The next day, Paul emailed me and asked if it would be okay to leave work early because Jerry and his mother, Judy, were going to go to the hospital and were going to pray with the family. I told him it was the best reason in the world to leave work early and I said that I really wished I could join them. Unfortunately, there was no way I could leave, so told Paul that I was really glad he could go and represent the family.
Jerry called me later and said that Paul was so kind and gentle when he spoke to the family members and they were able to say a rosary while they were there. Apparently, a nurse was walking by the waiting room and recognized Paul. She was so happy to see him and she took him into the ICU area so that the other nurses who had taken care of him were able to see him also. Jerry said it was so incredible to be a witness to the outpouring of love from the nurses and how happy they were to see him. I remembered that when we left the hospital December 8th, 2005, I said that when Paul was well, we would bring him back. The nurses said it really helps them when they can see patients after they have recovered. It gives them hope.
Paul also gave an accounting of it all and he said that he was so glad he had been able to go, because he could see how incredibly sad the family was. We said a rosary for them again that night and each night since. I found myself dwelling on how the family must be feeling, remembering the early days for us, like it was yesterday. I had planned on going to see the family also, but on Sunday morning, after we got home from the 8:30 AM Mass, we learned that Francisco had died at 5 AM. That news was so shocking to us. Jon and I immediately held each other and cried. It was raining outside and stayed raining all day. We have been in a cloud of sadness for Francisco's family.
Do we know exactly how they feel? Almost.
Do we know how much they need prayers? Absolutely.
Please keep the Madera Family in your prayers. While we didn't know this young man personally, we have heard that the family is a very holy and loving family and they are devastated. Please lift them up in prayer so that they can have some peace, some comfort in so tragic a circumstance.
Tonight, Paul was leading us in prayer and he asked God to take care of their family and then he thanked God for his life. He asked God to help him get better so he could go out and do everything God wants him to do. He took time to thank God for each of his brothers, one at a time, and also Marie, his new sister. He thanked God for his parents who keep helping him. Jon and I just looked at each other and I know we were thinking the same thing. Why were we allowed to bring our son home? We are literally overwhelmed by the fact that God allowed Paul to live. It is a reminder that we have to be ever more attentive to what God wants from us and from Paul. And any struggles I think I have? I will keep Francisco's mother, Beatriz, in my heart and will ask God to lift the burden from her instead.
Paul went on to do something very different tonight. We were in our room with James and Michael and Paul had walked in and had gone into the restroom. I barely noticed it until I heard a motor. I listened and realized he was shaving his face with his electric razor! Jon and the boys noticed the sound at this point and we all looked at each other and Jon said, "Is he doing what I think he is doing?" I said, "He is shaving!" James asked, "Are you kidding me? I've never been able to get him to shave!" We all sat there for a moment longer, listening to the little motor buzzing away. When Paul came out, he found us all staring at him. He said, "What?" Jon said, "Nothing much, just wondering why you are shaving at 10 PM." Paul's response was, "Oh. Okay, good night guys." And he walked out of the room.
I can attest to the fact that it takes more than an act of Congress to get Paul to shave each day. We have decided to pick our battles and we only insist on it every other day or so. Jerry and Jon are the best at helping coax Paul into accomplishing this task. I immediately called Jerry to tell him what Paul had done. I started the conversation with, "Are you sitting down?" He asked what was going on and when I told him he was incredulous. Paul then said, "He is sitting down now......because he fell down!" Paul stayed awake a long time tonight and after we thought he had gone to bed, James, Michael and I were again surprised when Abby came walking downstairs into the kitchen. Right behind her was Paul. He came down to see what we were all talking about. He then joked around with his brothers a little longer, than went to bed. I came up a little later and he asked me to sit with him a minute longer. He took my hand and said he was so thankful that God allowed him to live. That is when I knew why he had been acting so alive and active all evening. He knows that he has the gift of life.
"I heard the voice of Jesus say,
Come unto me and rest;
lay down thy weary one, lay down
thy head upon my breast.
I came to Jesus as I was,
so weary, worn and sad;
I found in him a resting place
and he has made me glad.
I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"Behold, I freely give
the living water; thirsty one,
stoop down and drink, and live."
I came to Jesus, and I drank
of that life-giving stream;
my thirst was quenched, my soul revived,
and now I live in him.
I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"I am this dark world's light;
look unto me, thy morn shall rise,
and all thy day be bright."
I looked to Jesus, and I found
in him my Star, my Sun;
and in that light of life I'll walk
till traveling days are done.
Words: Horatio Bonar, 1846
May you be blessed with the grace to live your lives according to
the will of the Father. Thank you for your prayers that have brought
us this far. They have truly helped me hear the voice of Jesus.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Jerry called me later and said that Paul was so kind and gentle when he spoke to the family members and they were able to say a rosary while they were there. Apparently, a nurse was walking by the waiting room and recognized Paul. She was so happy to see him and she took him into the ICU area so that the other nurses who had taken care of him were able to see him also. Jerry said it was so incredible to be a witness to the outpouring of love from the nurses and how happy they were to see him. I remembered that when we left the hospital December 8th, 2005, I said that when Paul was well, we would bring him back. The nurses said it really helps them when they can see patients after they have recovered. It gives them hope.
Paul also gave an accounting of it all and he said that he was so glad he had been able to go, because he could see how incredibly sad the family was. We said a rosary for them again that night and each night since. I found myself dwelling on how the family must be feeling, remembering the early days for us, like it was yesterday. I had planned on going to see the family also, but on Sunday morning, after we got home from the 8:30 AM Mass, we learned that Francisco had died at 5 AM. That news was so shocking to us. Jon and I immediately held each other and cried. It was raining outside and stayed raining all day. We have been in a cloud of sadness for Francisco's family.
Do we know exactly how they feel? Almost.
Do we know how much they need prayers? Absolutely.
Please keep the Madera Family in your prayers. While we didn't know this young man personally, we have heard that the family is a very holy and loving family and they are devastated. Please lift them up in prayer so that they can have some peace, some comfort in so tragic a circumstance.
Tonight, Paul was leading us in prayer and he asked God to take care of their family and then he thanked God for his life. He asked God to help him get better so he could go out and do everything God wants him to do. He took time to thank God for each of his brothers, one at a time, and also Marie, his new sister. He thanked God for his parents who keep helping him. Jon and I just looked at each other and I know we were thinking the same thing. Why were we allowed to bring our son home? We are literally overwhelmed by the fact that God allowed Paul to live. It is a reminder that we have to be ever more attentive to what God wants from us and from Paul. And any struggles I think I have? I will keep Francisco's mother, Beatriz, in my heart and will ask God to lift the burden from her instead.
Paul went on to do something very different tonight. We were in our room with James and Michael and Paul had walked in and had gone into the restroom. I barely noticed it until I heard a motor. I listened and realized he was shaving his face with his electric razor! Jon and the boys noticed the sound at this point and we all looked at each other and Jon said, "Is he doing what I think he is doing?" I said, "He is shaving!" James asked, "Are you kidding me? I've never been able to get him to shave!" We all sat there for a moment longer, listening to the little motor buzzing away. When Paul came out, he found us all staring at him. He said, "What?" Jon said, "Nothing much, just wondering why you are shaving at 10 PM." Paul's response was, "Oh. Okay, good night guys." And he walked out of the room.
I can attest to the fact that it takes more than an act of Congress to get Paul to shave each day. We have decided to pick our battles and we only insist on it every other day or so. Jerry and Jon are the best at helping coax Paul into accomplishing this task. I immediately called Jerry to tell him what Paul had done. I started the conversation with, "Are you sitting down?" He asked what was going on and when I told him he was incredulous. Paul then said, "He is sitting down now......because he fell down!" Paul stayed awake a long time tonight and after we thought he had gone to bed, James, Michael and I were again surprised when Abby came walking downstairs into the kitchen. Right behind her was Paul. He came down to see what we were all talking about. He then joked around with his brothers a little longer, than went to bed. I came up a little later and he asked me to sit with him a minute longer. He took my hand and said he was so thankful that God allowed him to live. That is when I knew why he had been acting so alive and active all evening. He knows that he has the gift of life.
"I heard the voice of Jesus say,
Come unto me and rest;
lay down thy weary one, lay down
thy head upon my breast.
I came to Jesus as I was,
so weary, worn and sad;
I found in him a resting place
and he has made me glad.
I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"Behold, I freely give
the living water; thirsty one,
stoop down and drink, and live."
I came to Jesus, and I drank
of that life-giving stream;
my thirst was quenched, my soul revived,
and now I live in him.
I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"I am this dark world's light;
look unto me, thy morn shall rise,
and all thy day be bright."
I looked to Jesus, and I found
in him my Star, my Sun;
and in that light of life I'll walk
till traveling days are done.
Words: Horatio Bonar, 1846
May you be blessed with the grace to live your lives according to
the will of the Father. Thank you for your prayers that have brought
us this far. They have truly helped me hear the voice of Jesus.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Fixing A Hole
Last week we stopped to get something to eat and in the restuarant there was a poster of the Beatles album cover, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. It listed the songs on the album and one of them was 'Fixing A Hole' and I knew it was the perfect title of this blog.
On Thursday, we made a bonzai trip to Charlotte and back. We saw the surgeon who will be doing the reconstructive work on Paul's orbit and the repairing of the leak. He said that he and Dr. McLanahan will work together in the surgery. Dr. Matthews said that Paul's eye is not all the way back in the orbit because the floor of the orbit needed better repair work than the first surgery done in December 2005. It was not necessarily that the first surgeon did anything really wrong, but given all the issues back then, it was probably the best they could do. They are also looking at the options to help Paul recover from the paralysis on the left side of his face. They need to determine if the nerve is severed or not. There is a technique they will do that will help 'jump start' the nerve and if that does not work, then the nerve will in all probability need to be replaced. Paul will be in the hospital around 5 days. We are now only waiting to hear when the surgery will take place and anticipate it happening within the month or beginning of February. Paul is definitely upbeat about it and talks often about how he just wants to get some help with relief from his headaches and get his eye working as well as possible. In the last couple of weeks, no matter who he is talking to, he asks people to pray that the doctors will know what to do and will be successful in this surgery. Dr. Matthews also explained that the anesthesia may cause some regression in Paul's mental state, but only for a few days. In some brain injured patients the anesthesia can have that affect. Paul immediately asked him what he meant and he said that it would not be a permanent problem and he explained it all to Paul. Once Paul understood, he said it all sounded okay to him. It is amazing how Paul will seem like he is not really paying attention to what is going on, then will jump into the conversation to get better clarification and understanding. He will sometimes not comment at all, then hours later, when he is having a conversation with me, will ask me specific questions about something that was said earlier in the day or even the day before. He really is cognizant of his surroundings. While we were at the appointment, the doctor picked up the medical folder and there was still one sheet of paper left on the counter. The doctor was talking to us all and Paul said, "Excuse me, don't you want that sheet of paper also?" The doctor said "Actually, that one is for you to take up front". Jon and I smiled at each other as it was another example of how Paul will pay attention to everything going on. We were busy listening to the doctor, as was Paul, but he stays very visually aware of things too. To be honest, I had not even really noticed the doctor had picked up the folder.
Now that there has been so much conversation about the surgery and the recent appointments with the Charlotte doctors, Paul has been thinking about what he will do once he is pain free. He really wants to get back to school and finish, but has admitted he isn't sure what major he will work towards. He called his brother Jon to tell him about the doctor appointment and was very upbeat about what is ahead for him. We are glad that he has so much hope about it and like Paul, we again are asking for prayers for the doctors who will perform the surgery and that it will be one more step towards recovery for Paul.
Paul is continuing to have full days. He doesn't head straight for bed like he was doing the week before last. More than once, I have gone up to his room thinking he might have laid down to take a nap and have found him on his computer. He is back to sending emails and instant messaging some of his friends again. Or he will be sitting at his desk talking to someone on his cell phone. It really helps me feel encouraged that we are making good progress when I see him take the initiative to find ways to stay active. He has started to walk his dog down the street by himself pretty much every day. On Tuesday, I went out to see if he was heading back because I wanted to ask him something. He walked past our house and went over to Bob's house and stayed over there for about 10 minutes, having a chat with Bob. He was 'out and about'! On Wednesday, I had printed off some sample questions for the S.A.T. to see how well he would do and on one of the math problems he needed to know the formula for finding the hypotenuse. He could not remember it, so he skipped that question. When he was done with the math section he got up and went to his computer. He looked up the formula for the one question he could not do! The one area he did not even want to do was having to read the poetry example and then answer questions about it. In his defense, the example was typed very small and he said he didn't want to get a worse headache continuing to read that small print. But part of it was that he definitely wasn't interested in poetry - not at this time anyway. I am fairly sure though that Paul will be able to regain most of what has been lost. We are going to find someone who can do some tutoring on a regular basis until the time of the surgery.
Our main problem for moving Paul forward is the fact that we don't know what days he will be well enough to accomplish anything. On the days his headaches are really painful, almost everything about that day will not be remembered very well. So it is hard to plan things in advance for Paul. We know what kind of day it will be only when Paul has woken up. To plan things with much consistency is almost impossible. But, we are very encouraged by these last 2 weeks. He has stayed active everyday and has even done chores without us asking him! (Can that be labeled as a miracle??) I know he is mentally capable of so much more, but another issue is his low threshhold for becoming irritated. He has always had a streak of stubborness and not much has changed! Makes me remember that I purchased the book "The Strong Willed Child" after Paul turned 2.......smile. He certainly is becoming more clear about what he likes and doesn't like and is more verbal about it. We used to be able to just tell him what he needed to do and now he has a lot of questions about it and if it doesn't make sense to him, it becomes a hard sell for us. He can be pretty adamant about not wanting to do things too. The one thing he really hates is the fact that he has to drink 6-8 cups of water a day. He needs it for keeping his liver healthy due to the medication he takes and also, per the reconstructive surgeon, they want him well hydrated for the surgery. We had already been fighting the battle of getting him to drink a lot of water each day, and now that he has heard it from the surgeon, he has been a little more cooperative. We have to do a lot of 'tag teaming' as Jerry has labeled it. Where two or more are gathered, there is cooperation!
On this feast of the Epiphany, we thank God for the gift of Jesus, our light.
Happy New Year to all of you!
God bless you,
Jon and Rebecca
On Thursday, we made a bonzai trip to Charlotte and back. We saw the surgeon who will be doing the reconstructive work on Paul's orbit and the repairing of the leak. He said that he and Dr. McLanahan will work together in the surgery. Dr. Matthews said that Paul's eye is not all the way back in the orbit because the floor of the orbit needed better repair work than the first surgery done in December 2005. It was not necessarily that the first surgeon did anything really wrong, but given all the issues back then, it was probably the best they could do. They are also looking at the options to help Paul recover from the paralysis on the left side of his face. They need to determine if the nerve is severed or not. There is a technique they will do that will help 'jump start' the nerve and if that does not work, then the nerve will in all probability need to be replaced. Paul will be in the hospital around 5 days. We are now only waiting to hear when the surgery will take place and anticipate it happening within the month or beginning of February. Paul is definitely upbeat about it and talks often about how he just wants to get some help with relief from his headaches and get his eye working as well as possible. In the last couple of weeks, no matter who he is talking to, he asks people to pray that the doctors will know what to do and will be successful in this surgery. Dr. Matthews also explained that the anesthesia may cause some regression in Paul's mental state, but only for a few days. In some brain injured patients the anesthesia can have that affect. Paul immediately asked him what he meant and he said that it would not be a permanent problem and he explained it all to Paul. Once Paul understood, he said it all sounded okay to him. It is amazing how Paul will seem like he is not really paying attention to what is going on, then will jump into the conversation to get better clarification and understanding. He will sometimes not comment at all, then hours later, when he is having a conversation with me, will ask me specific questions about something that was said earlier in the day or even the day before. He really is cognizant of his surroundings. While we were at the appointment, the doctor picked up the medical folder and there was still one sheet of paper left on the counter. The doctor was talking to us all and Paul said, "Excuse me, don't you want that sheet of paper also?" The doctor said "Actually, that one is for you to take up front". Jon and I smiled at each other as it was another example of how Paul will pay attention to everything going on. We were busy listening to the doctor, as was Paul, but he stays very visually aware of things too. To be honest, I had not even really noticed the doctor had picked up the folder.
Now that there has been so much conversation about the surgery and the recent appointments with the Charlotte doctors, Paul has been thinking about what he will do once he is pain free. He really wants to get back to school and finish, but has admitted he isn't sure what major he will work towards. He called his brother Jon to tell him about the doctor appointment and was very upbeat about what is ahead for him. We are glad that he has so much hope about it and like Paul, we again are asking for prayers for the doctors who will perform the surgery and that it will be one more step towards recovery for Paul.
Paul is continuing to have full days. He doesn't head straight for bed like he was doing the week before last. More than once, I have gone up to his room thinking he might have laid down to take a nap and have found him on his computer. He is back to sending emails and instant messaging some of his friends again. Or he will be sitting at his desk talking to someone on his cell phone. It really helps me feel encouraged that we are making good progress when I see him take the initiative to find ways to stay active. He has started to walk his dog down the street by himself pretty much every day. On Tuesday, I went out to see if he was heading back because I wanted to ask him something. He walked past our house and went over to Bob's house and stayed over there for about 10 minutes, having a chat with Bob. He was 'out and about'! On Wednesday, I had printed off some sample questions for the S.A.T. to see how well he would do and on one of the math problems he needed to know the formula for finding the hypotenuse. He could not remember it, so he skipped that question. When he was done with the math section he got up and went to his computer. He looked up the formula for the one question he could not do! The one area he did not even want to do was having to read the poetry example and then answer questions about it. In his defense, the example was typed very small and he said he didn't want to get a worse headache continuing to read that small print. But part of it was that he definitely wasn't interested in poetry - not at this time anyway. I am fairly sure though that Paul will be able to regain most of what has been lost. We are going to find someone who can do some tutoring on a regular basis until the time of the surgery.
Our main problem for moving Paul forward is the fact that we don't know what days he will be well enough to accomplish anything. On the days his headaches are really painful, almost everything about that day will not be remembered very well. So it is hard to plan things in advance for Paul. We know what kind of day it will be only when Paul has woken up. To plan things with much consistency is almost impossible. But, we are very encouraged by these last 2 weeks. He has stayed active everyday and has even done chores without us asking him! (Can that be labeled as a miracle??) I know he is mentally capable of so much more, but another issue is his low threshhold for becoming irritated. He has always had a streak of stubborness and not much has changed! Makes me remember that I purchased the book "The Strong Willed Child" after Paul turned 2.......smile. He certainly is becoming more clear about what he likes and doesn't like and is more verbal about it. We used to be able to just tell him what he needed to do and now he has a lot of questions about it and if it doesn't make sense to him, it becomes a hard sell for us. He can be pretty adamant about not wanting to do things too. The one thing he really hates is the fact that he has to drink 6-8 cups of water a day. He needs it for keeping his liver healthy due to the medication he takes and also, per the reconstructive surgeon, they want him well hydrated for the surgery. We had already been fighting the battle of getting him to drink a lot of water each day, and now that he has heard it from the surgeon, he has been a little more cooperative. We have to do a lot of 'tag teaming' as Jerry has labeled it. Where two or more are gathered, there is cooperation!
On this feast of the Epiphany, we thank God for the gift of Jesus, our light.
Happy New Year to all of you!
God bless you,
Jon and Rebecca
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