This past week I felt like a boat lost at sea. There were moments of anger and frustration that made me feel like I was steering this 'battleship' with an oar. Other times I simply felt all alone at sea with no wind at all. Today, I was finally able to thank God for the oar.
We waited last week for the neurosurgeon appointment to be made. I was told he could see Paul in 2 weeks. I was incredulous that they would leave Paul suffering in pain that long. Paul was given a new prescription for pain to help not be dependent on Lortab. (It is not working to relieve anything, but has caused him to be very tired.) The one doctor said they were going to be very aggressive and that Paul would be seen ASAP. It appears that my definitions of aggressive and ASAP are inaccurate. I questioned the neurologist about the time frame in which a neurosurgeon might see Paul, since his ventricles are enlarged and it seemed inhumane to leave him in this condition for that length of time. I was told I could go to the ER and he would arrange for the attending physician to call someone over from the neuroscience department to see him. If there was an emergency, they would handle it. On Friday, I took Paul there and we sat for 9 hours. A CT scan was done and we waited. And waited. Paul had not had any food or water, so in the early evening, I went to find an answer as to whether they would admit Paul or not and if not, please discharge him so we could go home. I was told they were waiting for a neurosurgeon to view the CT scan and come see us. A resident doctor came and said that the ventricles had come down in size a little bit and that since they looked about the same all along, it was not a shunt problem. It might be psychological in nature and we should maybe see a neuropsychologist. I stood and stared at this young doctor. I could not speak for a moment because I did not believe he actually said this. I told the doctor that his ventricles are basically the same in size because the shunt has not ever really worked and asked him why a neurosurgeon and a neurologist had both said that the shunt was not working. He said he did not know, but there was nothing he could do. He left. It doesn't take rocket science to figure out he may need more training and that he was sent because it was the beginning of the Memorial Day weekend and there was no one left in the neuroscience department at 8:30 PM - they had left for the holiday.
Then, 3 people came in and it was obvious they were trainees and they tried to get some blood samples from Paul because the Resident had ordered them to see if Paul had an infection. After 3 attempts, I politely, but firmly told them to stop what they were trying to do, get the discharge papers and we were going home. There was only one consolation in all this. We got our appointment with the 'chair of the neurosurgery department' moved up to this Wednesday.
I really started to fume over all this during the weekend and managed to create quite a storm inside of me. All I ended up with was a huge headache, an unhealthy amount of cynicism, and lots of despair and questioning of God's way. I will admit, I got a lot of work done because all these feelings propelled me into action around the house. I had to work off some of this steam. But that is all it got me. There was no peace in my heart. Only turmoil.
It all came to a head last night and at 10:00 PM I knew I needed to cry a good amount and just wanted to find a place to be alone. I went to leave the house and my husband and sons(including Paul) came downstairs to tell me it was not safe. They wanted to change my mind. Jon could see in my eyes I really needed to be alone and he reassured the boys I would be okay and to let me have some space. I just started to drive and began a very heated conversation with God. I wasn't really thinking about where I was going, but all of a sudden I found myself heading to the church. I felt drawn to it, so I could look inside at the tabernacle to feel more like I was close to Jesus. The loneliness that I had felt all week was too much. I needed to feel that Jesus was with me. I got to have my good cry and was left only with fatigue. I went home and when I walked in, James was in the front room kneeling in front of the Blessed Mother statue and the Crucifix and he was praying the rosary. I had been so angry at God, and here was my dear son praying for me. God's answer to my feeling all alone. I cried again and thanked him for his prayers. I am sure it was his prayers that lead me to the church. I went to check on Paul and he was in with Jon in our bedroom. They were both awake, so we all got up and talked. Paul's words told the truth of this whole thing. We have to trust that God will help us. He said he prays all the time and that he will suffer if God needs him to. He is the one suffering, and HE is the most accepting person in all of this. He does it so simply. I looked at him and at James and finally my heart was filled with the peace of the love of Jesus. One son accepting his suffering oompletely, and the other one supporting us with his prayers. My question, that I posed so loudly to God in the car - "What do you want of me?", was answered. He needs me to keep being a mother, a wife, a caregiver and a prayer warrior. Just keep the ship steady as she goes, His current will lead us.
James was correct when he said that Satan wants to destroy all that is good in our family. He is after us most espcially because we are standing firm in faith. He said to me, "I am not trying to flatter you mom, but Satan knows if he can get to you, the rest will go easier." Funny thing about all this - we started the novena to the Holy Spirit on Friday, which will end at the vigil Mass on Saturday night as we wait for Pentecost Sunday. The novena in honor of the Holy Spirit is the oldest of all novenas since it was first made at the direction of Our Lord Hismself when He sent His apostles back to Jerusalem to await the coming of the Holy Spirit on that first Pentecost. We are praying it together as a family every night. And the attacks against my peace have really been stepped up this past week! Coincidence...........I think not.
I have to share with you that Paul is not any better than he was 8 weeks ago. Physically anyway. Spiritually, he is a rock. He prays so often with us. Last night when we were praying the novena, he asked if he could pray one of the prayers. He has not been able to do that yet because it means we would have to turn on his light in his room. We have to read it basically in the dark, because his eyes are so sensitive to light. We have a light on in the closet and we can barely see the pages. But we pray in that room so that Paul is with us. He allowed Jon to turn on his bedroom light so he could read the one prayer and be part of it. Another night, I heard Paul moving and he sat up in bed and made a noise that let me know he was in a lot of pain. I asked if he needed help and he said he wanted me to join him in prayer and he wanted my help to kneel down at the side of his bed. It was 12:14 AM. He also has gone to Mass 4 times in the last week........ with his headache. He also asks me or James to read the bible to him almost everyday now. He said that he knows he was not as good a Catholic as he should have been and that he wants to do better now. He knows God is trying to help him and that if he is supposed to have pain for a longer time, he will wait. He knows God is using it for something. He says he doesn't know what it is, but that's okay.
When I reflected on what I was going to write today, I realized Paul's example of faith and trust is the oar. His 'Yes' to God's will is a powerful tool for our family as we continue to walk hand, in prayerful hand, forward. Today I 'feel' the words I have been praying in this novena.
Act of Consecration to the Holy Spirit
On my knees before the great multitude of heavenly witnesses, I offer myself, soul and body to You, Eternal Spirit of God. I adore the brightness of Your purity, the unerring keenness of Your justice, and the might of Your love. You are the Strength and Light of my soul. In You I live and move and am. I desire never to grieve You by unfaithfulness to grace and I pray with all my heart to be kept from the smallest sin against You. Mercifully guard my every thought and grant that I may always watch for Your light, and listen to Your voice, and follow Your gracious inspirations. I cling to You and give myself to You and ask You, by Your compassion to watch over me in my weakness. Holding the pierced Feet of Jesus and looking at His Five Wounds, and trusting in His precious Blood and adoring His opened Side and stricken Heart, I implore You, Adorable Spirit, Helper of my infirmity, to keep me in Your grace that I may never sin against You. Give me grace O Holy Spirit, Spirit of the Father and the Son to say to You always and everywhere, "Speak Lord for Your servant heareth." Amen.
Peace of Christ be with you,
Jon and Rebecca
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Earth Angel
We had an appointment with a new neurologist at Emory on Tuesday. We left very encouraged that someone might really be able to help us move forward in this very slow process. He spent an hour with us and he stated that he would like to be more aggressive in the approach to Paul's recovery. I felt a lot of hope after our appointment. He will help coordinate all the areas where Paul will need attention. We started the appointment with James responding to something he said with a quote from Star Wars. The doctor turned around and said, "My response to that would be..." and he quoted the next line from the movie. He said that yes, neurologists do watch movies. He was very friendly and spoke to us in plain english! He examined Paul thoroughly and said he is encouraged with all the responses given. He feels Paul needs to get into rehab as soon as possible. That is what I have been thinking since March! He will also need to have a neurphsychologist work with Paul and asked if we had thought about getting Paul music therapy. I told him we have wanted a number of things for Paul, but the headache/shunt issue has immobilized him. He called the clinical manager for the neurosurgeons at Emory and said he would like Paul to be seen ASAP so that issue can be fixed and we can move on. James and I looked at each other and smiled as we listened to this doctor taking charge. He then gave us his email address so we could get through to him in case of an emergency. He had to leave the room for a moment and James helped lighten the moment for us. He picked up the little hammer the doctor had been using to test Paul's reflexes. As he tapped his knee, he moved his arm out. Then he tapped his head and waited about 5 seconds and then blinked his eyes in an exaggerated way. He had Paul and me laughing so hard with all this. Laughter.....the best medicine!
As we were leaving, the doctor asked me, "What's the medal that is behind your cross?" I have been wearing a gold cross for the last 17 years that was given to me by Jon's mother. I added a St. Benedict medal that Fr. Paddy had given to us in March. I told the doctor it was St. Benedict. He said "very good" and then told us about some blessed oil he had from a Greek saint ( I am afraid I can't remember the name ). He told us the story of this saint and the miraculous cure associated with the saint. He also told us about some blessed oils he has from a number of Marian shrines. I said that Paul has been very blessed in that he has been touched with relics of 5 saints and also was able to wear the zachetto of Pope John Paul II while a Mass was being said for him while he was in a coma. The doctor said "That is very cool!" and he looked at Paul and said "it looks like you have been hooked up!" I told the doctor that we truly believe it was from the prayers of so many people that Paul lived and the doctor said "Absolutely. The powerfulness of prayer can do it." He said that looking at the CT scans he feels that Paul is a poster child for miracles. He said that all that Paul has been through, it is remarkable how well he is doing. We left the office with very high hopes that relief was on the way. Even the very bad traffic home didn't douse our joy. (Atlanta and bad traffic are synonymous - smile!)
I waited yesterday to post a blog because I was waiting to hear from the clinical manager about an appointment with a neurosurgeon. I did not hear from him and in the afternoon, I called him. He was waiting for someone who was in meetings that day and so would not get back to me until today (Thursday). I have to admit, that caused my feelings of anticipation to drop down. I heard the words 'aggressive and ASAP' on Tuesday and my interpretation seems to be different...........sigh. I woke up this morning at 3:30 AM because I found it hard to sleep knowing that Paul is the one who is suffering still and his headaches are so severe. (I mentioned that to the clinical manager and he said he should have the name of the neurosurgeon that will be able to help us by today.) I was so churned up inside that I decided that the only thing that would help me was to go downstairs and pray the rosary in the room with the Blessed Mary statute and the crucifix. I started to cry because of the tension I was feeling and the helplessness of the situtation (especially since it was 3:30 AM!) and then my eyes rested on the rose that was made by the 'angel' who gave it to Richard Watson. The homeless man's message to Richard, when he handed the rose made from a palm strand, was "Tell them to wait." I stopped crying and said out loud "I am waiting Mary, but please pray with me to Jesus for strength." I thought to myself about the fact that we have been doing this for only 6 months and there are so many others who have watched their sick children or family members suffer for lots longer. I also thought about how long Blessed Mary watched Jesus and all of his sufferings as He spoke over the years to people who would not listen. I sat and dwelled on this for a long while and started to feel peace once again. Then, like always, I was given a message that I am being given all that I need to do God's will. I decided to write the blog so that I would not leave people worrying about how Paul is doing. I first opened my email to see if there were any more responses to my posting on the Nat'l Hydrocephalus Foundation and found someone who has had some similar problems and they gave me their phone number. Another stranger reaching out to help. Praise be to God. Then I opened an email I had received over a week ago that I had meant to answer. It was from a friend of my son Jon's who has entered a convent in Spain. Her name is Kathryn Shea and she had answered an email I had sent to her. Her words struck such a chord with me as I read them. I had read the email once before, but this time, the words were meant for me to SEE. God was speaking to me through her.
"I am very content here, full of peace and the joy
of knowing I am doing what God has called me to do.
It's such an overwhelming happiness, even amidst the
hardships from time to time, to know that God is
guiding our every step. It allows us to totally trust
in him, surrendering all our own thoughts and plans,
but knowing he is giving us what we need most. Our
Blessed Mother is always guiding us too, straight to
the foot of the cross, where Christ is crucified. How
blessed we are to have her guiding us, so gentle, so
loving."
Once again, an 'earth angel' was sent to help me. There is such reassurance remembering that God is guiding our every step and that this day will allow me to totally trust in God if I keep surrendering all my thoughts and plans to Him. It made me smile as I read that "Our Blessed Mother is always guiding us too, straight to the foot of the cross, where Christ is crucified." Our statue of Mary sits directly under the large crucifix on the wall, with only about an inch between them. It was where I was drawn to when I came downstairs so early, full of overhwhelming emotions. As soon as I sat in front of the statue and crucifix I could not hold it all in anymore and the tears and prayers flowed. For this person whose faith is weak and who needs visual aids, the signs were right in front of me.
May you all be aware of God's presence in your day, while offering everything up for His greater glory. May your hope be alive today, on this Solemnity of the Ascension of Jesus into heaven!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
( I will update the post as soon as we find out what course of action will be taken today. We won't wait too long before taking Paul to the Emergency Room, as his headache is really intense this morning and he has to have relief. It is not safe for him to have all this pressure.)
As we were leaving, the doctor asked me, "What's the medal that is behind your cross?" I have been wearing a gold cross for the last 17 years that was given to me by Jon's mother. I added a St. Benedict medal that Fr. Paddy had given to us in March. I told the doctor it was St. Benedict. He said "very good" and then told us about some blessed oil he had from a Greek saint ( I am afraid I can't remember the name ). He told us the story of this saint and the miraculous cure associated with the saint. He also told us about some blessed oils he has from a number of Marian shrines. I said that Paul has been very blessed in that he has been touched with relics of 5 saints and also was able to wear the zachetto of Pope John Paul II while a Mass was being said for him while he was in a coma. The doctor said "That is very cool!" and he looked at Paul and said "it looks like you have been hooked up!" I told the doctor that we truly believe it was from the prayers of so many people that Paul lived and the doctor said "Absolutely. The powerfulness of prayer can do it." He said that looking at the CT scans he feels that Paul is a poster child for miracles. He said that all that Paul has been through, it is remarkable how well he is doing. We left the office with very high hopes that relief was on the way. Even the very bad traffic home didn't douse our joy. (Atlanta and bad traffic are synonymous - smile!)
I waited yesterday to post a blog because I was waiting to hear from the clinical manager about an appointment with a neurosurgeon. I did not hear from him and in the afternoon, I called him. He was waiting for someone who was in meetings that day and so would not get back to me until today (Thursday). I have to admit, that caused my feelings of anticipation to drop down. I heard the words 'aggressive and ASAP' on Tuesday and my interpretation seems to be different...........sigh. I woke up this morning at 3:30 AM because I found it hard to sleep knowing that Paul is the one who is suffering still and his headaches are so severe. (I mentioned that to the clinical manager and he said he should have the name of the neurosurgeon that will be able to help us by today.) I was so churned up inside that I decided that the only thing that would help me was to go downstairs and pray the rosary in the room with the Blessed Mary statute and the crucifix. I started to cry because of the tension I was feeling and the helplessness of the situtation (especially since it was 3:30 AM!) and then my eyes rested on the rose that was made by the 'angel' who gave it to Richard Watson. The homeless man's message to Richard, when he handed the rose made from a palm strand, was "Tell them to wait." I stopped crying and said out loud "I am waiting Mary, but please pray with me to Jesus for strength." I thought to myself about the fact that we have been doing this for only 6 months and there are so many others who have watched their sick children or family members suffer for lots longer. I also thought about how long Blessed Mary watched Jesus and all of his sufferings as He spoke over the years to people who would not listen. I sat and dwelled on this for a long while and started to feel peace once again. Then, like always, I was given a message that I am being given all that I need to do God's will. I decided to write the blog so that I would not leave people worrying about how Paul is doing. I first opened my email to see if there were any more responses to my posting on the Nat'l Hydrocephalus Foundation and found someone who has had some similar problems and they gave me their phone number. Another stranger reaching out to help. Praise be to God. Then I opened an email I had received over a week ago that I had meant to answer. It was from a friend of my son Jon's who has entered a convent in Spain. Her name is Kathryn Shea and she had answered an email I had sent to her. Her words struck such a chord with me as I read them. I had read the email once before, but this time, the words were meant for me to SEE. God was speaking to me through her.
"I am very content here, full of peace and the joy
of knowing I am doing what God has called me to do.
It's such an overwhelming happiness, even amidst the
hardships from time to time, to know that God is
guiding our every step. It allows us to totally trust
in him, surrendering all our own thoughts and plans,
but knowing he is giving us what we need most. Our
Blessed Mother is always guiding us too, straight to
the foot of the cross, where Christ is crucified. How
blessed we are to have her guiding us, so gentle, so
loving."
Once again, an 'earth angel' was sent to help me. There is such reassurance remembering that God is guiding our every step and that this day will allow me to totally trust in God if I keep surrendering all my thoughts and plans to Him. It made me smile as I read that "Our Blessed Mother is always guiding us too, straight to the foot of the cross, where Christ is crucified." Our statue of Mary sits directly under the large crucifix on the wall, with only about an inch between them. It was where I was drawn to when I came downstairs so early, full of overhwhelming emotions. As soon as I sat in front of the statue and crucifix I could not hold it all in anymore and the tears and prayers flowed. For this person whose faith is weak and who needs visual aids, the signs were right in front of me.
May you all be aware of God's presence in your day, while offering everything up for His greater glory. May your hope be alive today, on this Solemnity of the Ascension of Jesus into heaven!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
( I will update the post as soon as we find out what course of action will be taken today. We won't wait too long before taking Paul to the Emergency Room, as his headache is really intense this morning and he has to have relief. It is not safe for him to have all this pressure.)
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Have a Little Faith in Me
Our weekend was fairly quiet and Paul's headaches seem to be getting worse. We were able to go to Mass with him on Sunday but he could not lay down quickly enough once we got home. James and Michael went straight to Krispy Kreme Donuts and brought some warm ones home as a surprise. Paul could not get up to join us, so we all went into Paul's room and we all raised our donuts as a 'Cheers' to Paul. After he finished his, he asked if we could all pray with him. We all voiced our intentions and said some prayers as Paul led us.
He continues to ask us daily to pray with him. Last night he asked me to sit and read the Bible to him for awhile. Then he stopped me and prayed that God would let him heal soon so that he could do things with everyone again. Afterwards, he talked for a little while about how he is sorry he has caused us so much trouble and that he wished it had not happened. He said he was glad that Michael was not hurt and that he wishes he had not done such a stupid thing as to lose control of his car. I reminded him that out of all this, much fruit will come. I let him know that our family has grown so much more prayerful and that our only purpose in life is to attain heaven. This is all part of that process and God is truly in charge of it all. Paul said he had asked God to forgive him for losing his temper that day when I tried to change out the eye patch. That is the first time Paul has acknowledged his need to ask forgiveness of God for anything he has done since the accident. I know he must spend a lot of time thinking as he lays in pain. I am grateful he is talking to God. He may have forgotten a lot of things, but he was blessed with the knowledge of God, His forgiveness and His everlasting love. Praise be to God.
He asked me yesterday why he can't hear out of his left ear. The tone of voice let me know he is now very interested in all that has been injured on his body. He had James test it the night before. He asked him to talk really low in his left ear, as he closed off his right ear. He told James he could hear a slight muffled sound, but not the words. James talked a bit louder, but Paul still could not hear any words, just a muffled sound. He must have dwelled on that through the night, since he asked a lot of questions about his ear the next day. I explained that we are trying to handle the most crucial problems and that the brain fluid is our problem right now. He said he understood. I asked him to keep his faith and trust in God, that we would be led.
We received a call from the neurosurgeon's office yesterday afternoon, asking that we come to his office today. He wants to talk to us about surgery again. I was very frustrated about it because we were told to go to the ER to get a CAT scan last week, so that if anything needed to be done, we would be at the hospital already. We were released with the idea that Paul's ventricles were okay. The doctor's nurse asked that we pick up a copy of the xray today and then come to the office. I had been talking recently to a few friends and also had gotten on line with the National Hydrocephalus Foundation to see if we could get a good referral to another doctor to get a second opinion. Yesterday, I got the names of 4 good doctors, and 2 of them are associated with Emory. I made another call to the contact person I had spoken to before, who was going to get us in touch with someone at Emory also. We have an appointment this afternoon with him. I feel that we need to find someone who actually specializes in the use and monitoring of shunts and someone who will hopefully move us forward towards rehabilitation. We are losing very precious time with Paul in that area. We have spent 2 months with all of this and I would like to be more certain that the best course of action has been taken. I don't understand why the doctor didn't talk to us on Friday, just told the ER doctor to release us, then 3 days later call and say he needs to do another surgery. We will be calling the doctor's names that have been given to us and will see who has the most experience. Two of the names given to me came from the National Hydrocephalus Foundation, and one is in Savannah and the other one is in Fairfax, VA. If we have to travel to find a good doctor, we will do that. Please pray for us to know what God's will is for us and the strength to stay the course. If patience was one of my lessons to be learned in all of this, it has been a very tough class! I hope to get an A in the course and even more, hope that I will also be in a graduating class soon.................smile.
The thought that keeps going through my head is how Paul keeps passing his tests. He has been in such incredible pain, which is lessened only by prescription. Even then, the pain is brought down to a 4 on a scale of 1-10. So his pain is constant. Yet, he is not complaining, but only praying to God for help. He has not once asked why God let this happen, he just asks forgiveness for his loss of temper in a moment of pain. God has used Paul to show me patience, humility and love in ways that have truly been engraved upon my heart. I have to thank God in all of this, as painful as it is to watch and wait as He works. I sat with Paul last night and said that the only thing God is asking us to do is to offer up all of our joys, pain, sorrow, and love to Him, so that it can be used according to His will. It doesn't matter how God choses to use all that we offer, we just have to trust His ways and submit ourselves to all of this with as much joy and hope and faith that we can muster.
Your prayers have held us up.
Love to everyone,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero
He continues to ask us daily to pray with him. Last night he asked me to sit and read the Bible to him for awhile. Then he stopped me and prayed that God would let him heal soon so that he could do things with everyone again. Afterwards, he talked for a little while about how he is sorry he has caused us so much trouble and that he wished it had not happened. He said he was glad that Michael was not hurt and that he wishes he had not done such a stupid thing as to lose control of his car. I reminded him that out of all this, much fruit will come. I let him know that our family has grown so much more prayerful and that our only purpose in life is to attain heaven. This is all part of that process and God is truly in charge of it all. Paul said he had asked God to forgive him for losing his temper that day when I tried to change out the eye patch. That is the first time Paul has acknowledged his need to ask forgiveness of God for anything he has done since the accident. I know he must spend a lot of time thinking as he lays in pain. I am grateful he is talking to God. He may have forgotten a lot of things, but he was blessed with the knowledge of God, His forgiveness and His everlasting love. Praise be to God.
He asked me yesterday why he can't hear out of his left ear. The tone of voice let me know he is now very interested in all that has been injured on his body. He had James test it the night before. He asked him to talk really low in his left ear, as he closed off his right ear. He told James he could hear a slight muffled sound, but not the words. James talked a bit louder, but Paul still could not hear any words, just a muffled sound. He must have dwelled on that through the night, since he asked a lot of questions about his ear the next day. I explained that we are trying to handle the most crucial problems and that the brain fluid is our problem right now. He said he understood. I asked him to keep his faith and trust in God, that we would be led.
We received a call from the neurosurgeon's office yesterday afternoon, asking that we come to his office today. He wants to talk to us about surgery again. I was very frustrated about it because we were told to go to the ER to get a CAT scan last week, so that if anything needed to be done, we would be at the hospital already. We were released with the idea that Paul's ventricles were okay. The doctor's nurse asked that we pick up a copy of the xray today and then come to the office. I had been talking recently to a few friends and also had gotten on line with the National Hydrocephalus Foundation to see if we could get a good referral to another doctor to get a second opinion. Yesterday, I got the names of 4 good doctors, and 2 of them are associated with Emory. I made another call to the contact person I had spoken to before, who was going to get us in touch with someone at Emory also. We have an appointment this afternoon with him. I feel that we need to find someone who actually specializes in the use and monitoring of shunts and someone who will hopefully move us forward towards rehabilitation. We are losing very precious time with Paul in that area. We have spent 2 months with all of this and I would like to be more certain that the best course of action has been taken. I don't understand why the doctor didn't talk to us on Friday, just told the ER doctor to release us, then 3 days later call and say he needs to do another surgery. We will be calling the doctor's names that have been given to us and will see who has the most experience. Two of the names given to me came from the National Hydrocephalus Foundation, and one is in Savannah and the other one is in Fairfax, VA. If we have to travel to find a good doctor, we will do that. Please pray for us to know what God's will is for us and the strength to stay the course. If patience was one of my lessons to be learned in all of this, it has been a very tough class! I hope to get an A in the course and even more, hope that I will also be in a graduating class soon.................smile.
The thought that keeps going through my head is how Paul keeps passing his tests. He has been in such incredible pain, which is lessened only by prescription. Even then, the pain is brought down to a 4 on a scale of 1-10. So his pain is constant. Yet, he is not complaining, but only praying to God for help. He has not once asked why God let this happen, he just asks forgiveness for his loss of temper in a moment of pain. God has used Paul to show me patience, humility and love in ways that have truly been engraved upon my heart. I have to thank God in all of this, as painful as it is to watch and wait as He works. I sat with Paul last night and said that the only thing God is asking us to do is to offer up all of our joys, pain, sorrow, and love to Him, so that it can be used according to His will. It doesn't matter how God choses to use all that we offer, we just have to trust His ways and submit ourselves to all of this with as much joy and hope and faith that we can muster.
Your prayers have held us up.
Love to everyone,
Jon and Rebecca Fidero
Friday, May 19, 2006
I Say a Little Prayer for You
In these last few days, Paul has been kept busy with his brother James, who is going to stay with Paul all summer as his caregiver. I will be back at work full time the first week of June. When Paul understood we were trying to find someone to stay with him all day so I could get to work and keep my job, he kept asking James to stay with him. James had planned on working in Chicago this summer and had a job all lined up so he could earn the money needed to go to school in Austria this next Fall. After being home this last week, he decided that his brother really needs him and he wants to be as much help as possible, so he is staying home to work closely with Paul. He saw how helpful it was to Paul to have his brothers around him and how Paul's desire to work harder to recover increased so much. We are very happy James was able to work this out to be with Paul. It is definitely a win-win situation. Thanks be to God for this blessing.
One major change we noticed recently with Paul is his desire to pray for his own healing and for those around him. His friend Jonathan was visiting this week and Paul's head was really hurting, so he asked James, Jonathan and me to pray with him. He led us in the Our Father and then spoke of his special intention of having some relief in the pain. He then prayed for all of us present and thanked God for his family and friends. He also asked his Aunt Mary Beth to pray with him when he spoke to her on the cell phone. He has always joined us in prayers, but he is now asking us to stop and join him in prayers for his recovery and for thanking God.(He is very aware of his left eye and is starting to hate having the eye patch. He also is making comments about how he wishes his face wasn't paralyzed. He is now way more verbal about his physical appearance and his problems.) Last night, we were praying the rosary and after we were done, he hugged us all goodnight and after he hugged Michael, he said, "Mike, next time slow down when we pray. You aren't supposed to rush through it. And quit playing around with your rosary." Then this morning, we were at the emergency room and as the nurse was taking us to a room, we realized that a young man who had just been brought in moments before had died suddenly and his friends and family were grief stricken. When I started to pray the rosary for Paul a bit later, he reminded me to pray for the man who died.
I guess you are wondering why we were at the emergency room. I have been concerned for the past 2 days that Paul might have a problem with over draining of the ventricles, thus needing a possible surgery to fix it. His headaches seemed to be getting more severe and the Tylenol was not really helping him for very long. I called the doctor yesterday and was told to go to the ER when I asked if we could get a CT scan scheduled. It was in the afternoon and I know the ER is packed each day by the afternoon and did not want Paul to have to sit for over 12 hours as we waited. We went to bed early last night and got up at 3 AM so that we would not have the long wait. It only took 7 hours - believe me, that is a bonus - and we were told that the CT scan showed that the ventricles look fine and there is no over draining. That is very encouraging news. I have tried to do research about shunts to better understand the complications and to watch for the symptoms - but I totally guessed wrong this time. We don't know why the headaches are worse, but have an appointment on Monday with Dr. Ehirim.
I have to tell you though, my friend Sharon Nixon came by last night with some Pizza for the family and when I told her we would be going to the ER and that there was the possibility of another surgery,she suggested we all pray with Paul. There were 2 of the boy's friends at the house also, Karen and Brandon. We all gathered in a circle and prayed for the intercession of the Blessed Mother, Pope John Paul II and the angels and saints to pray with us for a healing of Paul's headaches and also for no need of surgery. After that, Sharon, Jon and I prayed over Paul after blessing him with holy water. Sharon prayed for our family to have peace of mind and trust that God was guiding us in the right direction. I know in my heart that God is with us always, but sometimes in my weariness, I lose trust and hope. Those moments spent in prayer with everyone in our home truly helped me. Prayer..........it does a heart good! When we were told that we could go home this morning, I immediately smiled as I thought about the powerfulness of prayer.
Paul has also started to really thank everyone for all that they are doing for him and as for the family, he has told us over and over how much he loves us. People may get thanked 3 - 4 times within a short period of time! It is not that he has forgotten, but he has become very conscious that people are doing things for him and he is very appreciative. He had a really big event on Wednesday evening. His friend Jonathan came by after work and picked him up to go over to the Tarantino's for dinner. Paul was fine with the idea until about an hour or so before Jonathan came. He said, "I think I will have to bail on Jonathan." I asked him why and he said, "I just really want to be with the family." I explained that Mrs. Tarantino probably had dinner just about ready and that it would be a good idea for Paul to get out of the house on his own and this was the perfect event to do that. He would be so comfortable with the Tarantino's and he would only be about 4 miles away. He said I was probably right and he went. Jon and I watched as Jonathan drove away and decided to use the time to run an errand. Paul was gone about an hour and a half, ate a good amount of food and really enjoyed himself. To get back to what I was saying about his thanking everyone alot, he told Jonathan (after Paul got back to our house) to thank his mother again. Then Paul said, "I'll just call her." He called Mrs. Tarantino and let her know he really appreciated all that she had done. I found out later that he had thanked her a bunch before he left their house!
James and Paul have started to do the upper body excercises to especially strengthen Paul's left side. James keeps after Paul to push himself a little harder, all the while joking around and keeping it light hearted. Paul has responded really well to this approach. It is terrific hearing Paul laughing so much. James has also started to read the bible with Paul everyday, using it as part of the speech therapy. Paul listens and then has to tell James what he thinks the passage is about. James and Michael now try to take Paul with them whenever they leave the house to help him feel more comfortable away from home and to help him gain more independence. To quote a commercial.........Oh, what a relief it is! This additional help is truly a tremendous relief to me and I feel better about going back to the office in a couple of weeks. I have the blessing of working only 3.9 miles from the office, so I can also be home each day for lunch. Isn't God just too wonderful??
So, we head into another weekend and with so many possibilities of additional 'firsts' for Paul. Like Paul, we want to thank you and thank you and thank you for all your prayers. I think I will pull out the Rand McNally Atlas and take a look where we might be now!
Peace in Jesus Christ to all of you.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
One major change we noticed recently with Paul is his desire to pray for his own healing and for those around him. His friend Jonathan was visiting this week and Paul's head was really hurting, so he asked James, Jonathan and me to pray with him. He led us in the Our Father and then spoke of his special intention of having some relief in the pain. He then prayed for all of us present and thanked God for his family and friends. He also asked his Aunt Mary Beth to pray with him when he spoke to her on the cell phone. He has always joined us in prayers, but he is now asking us to stop and join him in prayers for his recovery and for thanking God.(He is very aware of his left eye and is starting to hate having the eye patch. He also is making comments about how he wishes his face wasn't paralyzed. He is now way more verbal about his physical appearance and his problems.) Last night, we were praying the rosary and after we were done, he hugged us all goodnight and after he hugged Michael, he said, "Mike, next time slow down when we pray. You aren't supposed to rush through it. And quit playing around with your rosary." Then this morning, we were at the emergency room and as the nurse was taking us to a room, we realized that a young man who had just been brought in moments before had died suddenly and his friends and family were grief stricken. When I started to pray the rosary for Paul a bit later, he reminded me to pray for the man who died.
I guess you are wondering why we were at the emergency room. I have been concerned for the past 2 days that Paul might have a problem with over draining of the ventricles, thus needing a possible surgery to fix it. His headaches seemed to be getting more severe and the Tylenol was not really helping him for very long. I called the doctor yesterday and was told to go to the ER when I asked if we could get a CT scan scheduled. It was in the afternoon and I know the ER is packed each day by the afternoon and did not want Paul to have to sit for over 12 hours as we waited. We went to bed early last night and got up at 3 AM so that we would not have the long wait. It only took 7 hours - believe me, that is a bonus - and we were told that the CT scan showed that the ventricles look fine and there is no over draining. That is very encouraging news. I have tried to do research about shunts to better understand the complications and to watch for the symptoms - but I totally guessed wrong this time. We don't know why the headaches are worse, but have an appointment on Monday with Dr. Ehirim.
I have to tell you though, my friend Sharon Nixon came by last night with some Pizza for the family and when I told her we would be going to the ER and that there was the possibility of another surgery,she suggested we all pray with Paul. There were 2 of the boy's friends at the house also, Karen and Brandon. We all gathered in a circle and prayed for the intercession of the Blessed Mother, Pope John Paul II and the angels and saints to pray with us for a healing of Paul's headaches and also for no need of surgery. After that, Sharon, Jon and I prayed over Paul after blessing him with holy water. Sharon prayed for our family to have peace of mind and trust that God was guiding us in the right direction. I know in my heart that God is with us always, but sometimes in my weariness, I lose trust and hope. Those moments spent in prayer with everyone in our home truly helped me. Prayer..........it does a heart good! When we were told that we could go home this morning, I immediately smiled as I thought about the powerfulness of prayer.
Paul has also started to really thank everyone for all that they are doing for him and as for the family, he has told us over and over how much he loves us. People may get thanked 3 - 4 times within a short period of time! It is not that he has forgotten, but he has become very conscious that people are doing things for him and he is very appreciative. He had a really big event on Wednesday evening. His friend Jonathan came by after work and picked him up to go over to the Tarantino's for dinner. Paul was fine with the idea until about an hour or so before Jonathan came. He said, "I think I will have to bail on Jonathan." I asked him why and he said, "I just really want to be with the family." I explained that Mrs. Tarantino probably had dinner just about ready and that it would be a good idea for Paul to get out of the house on his own and this was the perfect event to do that. He would be so comfortable with the Tarantino's and he would only be about 4 miles away. He said I was probably right and he went. Jon and I watched as Jonathan drove away and decided to use the time to run an errand. Paul was gone about an hour and a half, ate a good amount of food and really enjoyed himself. To get back to what I was saying about his thanking everyone alot, he told Jonathan (after Paul got back to our house) to thank his mother again. Then Paul said, "I'll just call her." He called Mrs. Tarantino and let her know he really appreciated all that she had done. I found out later that he had thanked her a bunch before he left their house!
James and Paul have started to do the upper body excercises to especially strengthen Paul's left side. James keeps after Paul to push himself a little harder, all the while joking around and keeping it light hearted. Paul has responded really well to this approach. It is terrific hearing Paul laughing so much. James has also started to read the bible with Paul everyday, using it as part of the speech therapy. Paul listens and then has to tell James what he thinks the passage is about. James and Michael now try to take Paul with them whenever they leave the house to help him feel more comfortable away from home and to help him gain more independence. To quote a commercial.........Oh, what a relief it is! This additional help is truly a tremendous relief to me and I feel better about going back to the office in a couple of weeks. I have the blessing of working only 3.9 miles from the office, so I can also be home each day for lunch. Isn't God just too wonderful??
So, we head into another weekend and with so many possibilities of additional 'firsts' for Paul. Like Paul, we want to thank you and thank you and thank you for all your prayers. I think I will pull out the Rand McNally Atlas and take a look where we might be now!
Peace in Jesus Christ to all of you.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Monday, May 15, 2006
House of the Rising 'Son'
Paul, Marie and Jon going to the wedding
Fidero Family coming into church on Mother's Day
Fidero Family at St. Stephen's
Jon, Paul and Fr. Paddy after Mass
How many Fidero's does it take to change a tire?
James, Jon, Paul, Joseph and Jonathan
Paul and Marie getting ready to say goodbye
Moving day for Jon and Marie
Paul and Jon 
Jon and Marie leave for Virginia - God bless!Something I do to help keep my spirits up is to imagine Paul doing regular things. I picture him heading out the front door with his friends, calling back over his shoulder, "See you later, Mom" or sitting out on the deck with his friends, talking and laughing again. I have pictured him doing a lot of the things he has done before, as one way to drive away moments of despair. My mother used to tell me to 'picture it, then pray for it'.
So many prayers were answered this past weekend!
It became abundantly clear with each passing day that Paul needed to see his brothers and also will need to see his friends a lot more. He kept a schedule that I would not have dreamed possible. His brother Jon got him up and walking every day, at least 4 times a day. On Thursday night, Paul was still awake around 11:30 PM. He said he could not sleep and he got up and asked Jon if he wanted to take another walk. So they did. We are finding that Paul still has that internal clock where he is basically a night owl. Paul was able to stay fairly active throughout the visit and he kept us all laughing with his sense of humor.
Saturday morning I came upstairs to see if Paul wanted breakfast. He was awake and was talking to Jon. Jon had been up in Paul's room for a good while and I found out that they were planning a big event for the day. Jon and Marie were going to a wedding in Clarksville (about an hour and a half away)around noon. Paul knew the young lady who was getting married also. In fact, when Paul had really long hair as a junior in high school, Andrea was the one who encouraged Paul to cut his hair because he would look so much better. He let Andrea cut his hair, which consisted of her holding his pony tail and cutting it off. That was the basic hair cut, with a little fine tuning. ( He did look great with his hair cut!) Jon wanted to spend as much time with Paul as he could and he also wanted to see how much Paul could handle. So he and Marie planned this trip for Paul. Jon got busy with ironing Paul's clothes. Then he got Paul shaved really well and showered. There was a lot of activity as Jon took care of Paul and Marie got instructions on what Paul would need in the way of food and hydration, in case he did not eat while they were gone. I packed up a bag for them to take and at 12:30 they were heading out the door. As they were leaving, Marie picked up the book bag and called over her shoulder, "We're going on a field trip!" She and Jon left with all the confidence in the world that Paul would be able to make this day long event. Jon (husband) and I followed them outside and prayed for them as they drove down the street. I was all teared up as I watched them driving away. Seeing Paul all dressed up in a suit was such a joyful thing to behold. He had his arm around Jon's shoulder and he seemed totally at ease with the whole thing. I asked him if he understood how long the day would be and he said he did. I figured there was no better way to find out than to let him 'try it on for size'. Andrea's father was the doctor who instructed us to get Paul to the hospital that first weekend that we knew something was very wrong with Paul. He is also a neurosureon and he said it sounded like Paul was suffering from hydrocephalus. Jon said that when Dr. Nutt saw Paul, he was encouraged with his progress and said that the fact that Paul was totally coherent and aware of his surroundings and that he gave very appropriate responses in conversation, were very good signs for his future recovery.
Jon and I decided to get some flowers planted and then we were able to go to church for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. James was with us and afterward, we were hungry so we went out to eat lunch. It felt so strange to be freed from the responsibility for the afternoon. We didn't know if Paul would make it the whole time and stayed close to the house in case we might be needed. We stopped at a local pizza cafe (the one Paul and I tried last week) and we were able to sit out on the roof, where it was very quiet and the weather was more beautiful than I can describe. I would liken it to a typical day in San Diego (which is where we lived when we were first married.) Jon called us as we were sitting there and said that they were almost home and when he heard where we were, he said to wait there and they would meet us. It was another touching moment to see Jon, Marie and Paul get out of the car, at the end of their 'field trip' and look up at us and wave hello. Paul had made it through the entire event. He was tired and so we got the pizza packed up and we went home. Paul ate a very large piece of pizza and then he fell asleep for the rest of the night. The rest of us said a rosary, most especially because it was the Feast of Our Lady of Fatima.
Sunday morning was another beautiful and sunny day. There were yellow roses and cards for me and Paul's being able to go to the 8:30 Mass. I could not believe the blessing of my whole family being with me on this day. We sat behind my sister and her family and when she turned around and saw all of the Fidero family, she reached into her purse and handed me her handkerchief! She knew there would be tears flowing......smile. Once Mass started, Paul said he needed to go because his head really hurt. He started to go past his dad and Jon tried to encourage him to stay. But Paul kept trying to get past him and then he got to his brother Jon. Jon put his arm around Paul's shoulder and walked him out. It was a disappointment because Paul would not be able to receive Communion, and Jon would miss Mass and have to go to the 11:00 Mass. Jon's willingness to give up of himself for his brother and his immediate response to Paul's need washed away the disappointment from this mother's heart. What a beautiful gift - my son taking care of his brother. Each one of the boys has demonstrated his love for Paul at different times. I reflected on the gospel being read, of Jesus being the vine and we are the branches. Through Jesus we are nourished and fed, and are then able to bear much fruit. After receiving Communion, I finished praying and looked up just in time to see Jon and Paul walking with their arms around each other's shoulder, up the main aisle to receive Communion. As Paul turned around after receiving Communion, he saw me looking at him and he waved to me with his little finger and smiled. Time for my sister's hanky! When they had left Mass, I thought they would go out to the van. Instead, Jon had Paul sit in a chair in the Narthex and they were able to still see the altar and hear Fr. Paddy say Mass. They had not missed it after all. We were all fed and nourished by the Body of Christ.
After a great breakfast that Jon and Marie cooked, we enjoyed a few hours of just visiting and resting. Then Jon and Marie decided it was time for another 'field trip' and they took Paul to the movie theater! He was able to stay the whole time and they got home in time for a big dinner. Paul sat at the table and was able to finish the meal with us. Later in the evening, Jonathan and Joseph Tarantino came to visit, along with their mom, Meredith. They brought flowers for me, which I have in my makeshift 'office' to brighten my day. Paul went to bed around 9:30 but when the Tarantino's left around 10 PM, Paul got back up out of bed and stood outside with us for another 15 minutes as we said goodbye to everyone. The only other Mother's Day I can remember being this great was 24 years ago. Jon was born on Mother's Day, 5/9/82! What wonderful joys my life as a mother has been and I thank God that I was given the gift of motherhood, along with the wisdom to enjoy every moment I can!
Jon and Marie left early this morning to start their new life in Virginia. While I was sad to see them go, I was so happy and excited for them. They are an incredible young couple who are great witnesses to others. They live the sacrament of Matrimony as it is intended by God. After they left, James got Paul into the van and they ran some errands. James picked up where Jon and Marie left off. In the afternoon, James was telling Paul about a man who is Dean of Men at Ave Maria. He had had a serious spinal injury after being accepted on football scholarship to Notre Dame University. His life changed forever and while he was able to walk and get on with his life, he learned at the same age of 21 about God's love. James told of his decision to follow God's will and after he finished, Paul asked James, Mike and me to come near him so we could pray together. Paul led us in the Our Father. Let me tell you - this is a far cry from who Paul used to be. He never initiated family prayer and managed to be 'too busy' a good many times when we wanted to say a family rosary. After we finished praying, James told Paul that our whole family has been so changed by this accident. He reminded Paul that each of us has a lesson to learn and that Paul should keep praying to find his way. James then prayed the Guardian Angel prayer for Paul and told him he should start each day with that prayer. He then said he needed to start reading the bible for 5 minutes each day, as that is about how long it takes to read a chapter or two. Paul said it hurts his head to read and James said we would read it to him, which Paul said was a great idea.
Paul not only rose up out of his bed this past week to do some very amazing things, he is rising up to meet God through prayer. We pray he will rise to wonderful new heights!
God's blessings to you in this Easter season - the season of the Risen Lord!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Friday, May 12, 2006
It's a Family Affair
Pictures provided as requested!
Jonathan Tarantino, Michael, James, Marie, Jon and Paul at St. Stephen's
We thought it was time to give a new look to the blog to reflect the hope we have about this summer and all that we pray Paul will be able to accomplish.
We are 'turning a new leaf' and hope to move into a fuller rehabilitation mode!
Having everyone home has helped Paul significantly. He is talking a lot more and is laughing very hard again. This morning, he had taken a vitamin pill and then a drink of water to swallow it and James said something really funny. Paul managed to not lose what was in his mouth, but once he swallowed, he laughed out loud. Paul has made us laugh just as hard. I wanted him to get up a bit earlier this morning and sent Jon to wake him. I had breakfast cooked and ready. It bothers me a little when I take the time to cook food, and then it gets cold. Jon came back downstairs and said that Paul said he would get up later. I would like a dollar for everytime Paul has responded with 'not now, later'. I went up to Paul's room and said the mountain would not come to Mohammed, and that Paul had 2 choices. Get up now or I would have his dad resume the 6:30 A.M. showersfor Paul starting the next morning. Paul's very quick response was (as he started to move the covers off of his legs) "Holy Lord God, I'll get up." He did not say it in anger, but with a tone of voice that let me know he knew I meant business. We might have created a monster in these last 2 months, as I have said before. Paul doesn't have much motivation - which I know is related somewhat to the headaches and brain injury. But he also has gotten too used to being in bed. His brothers have gotten him up and out of the house, going on walks and running my errands, but only with a lot of coaxing. It has done him a world of good though. He has been functioning through it all with only mild headaches. By the end of the day, he does have a bit more intense headache though. He has been on a good number of walks in the neighborhood and we even went to St. Stephen's once, where Paul walked one full lap around the parking lot. It's a start! He has been grocery shopping again with his brother Jon, and he went to the local ice cream shop last night with the boys and Marie.
Another big first was that Jon and Marie were able to go out to lunch with Paul and actually finish the meal. Jon said that as soon as they sat down, Paul wanted to leave. Jon quietly encouraged him to stay there and try to make it all the way through. And it worked!
The one big disappointment is a very poor appetite. But amazingly, he did weigh in at 130.5, which is the first time since January, so we are making slow progress in the area of weight gain.
He has had 1/2 the amount of Tylenol since the adjustment to his shunt was done on Wednesday. Please continue to pray that he will be more and more relieved of his headaches. This morning, as I was taking care of his eye, I reminded him that when he is laying there in bed, he might try to say some prayers for his recovery. He said, "I do it all the time." He took my hand and we said some prayers and then he asked if we could take another walk. His request to walk was in response to my reminding him that while this is a very tough road ahead for him, with God's help and his own obedience to God's will, he will find the strength to keep moving forward. And, if this is truly going to be a 2 year recovery effort, we have finished the first quarter!
Since Jon, Marie and James have been home, the best moment so far was yesterday when we had walked around the St. Stephen's parking lot (with one of Paul's best friends, Jonathan Tarantino), we tried to give Paul a pep talk and get him to go around one more time. He got upset and said absolutely not, his head was really hurting. I said that he should at least go inside with all of us and present his petition to Jesus. We all walked into the sanctuary and prayed silently. Then Jon got Paul up and he walked him down to the altar and over to the candles under the picture of Our Lady of Perpetual Help and first Jon lit a candle, then he had Paul light one. They stood and prayed together for a few moments, then came back to us. Marie and I were standing in the aisle and as they approached, Marie brought us all together in a hug and we prayed again. As we left the church, I told them all that they had just purchased my Mother's Day gift. Having Marie as a daughter in law is truly the icing on the cake!
Today, after James helped me recreate the template of the blog, I went back to November and happened to open the one where we wanted to share some of the many signs from God that our family had received. The most amazing thing is...........they haven't stopped for a moment. We have received so many messages and signs from God through the comment sections of the blog, through people's actions - friends and strangers alike, in nature, in timely scripture readings........it is absolutely awesome to us. No worries then - God has promised us He will be with us always and He has shown us in numerous ways. Through His Son, Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Light, we will be led.
Praise be to God,
Love
Jon and Rebecca
Jonathan Tarantino, Michael, James, Marie, Jon and Paul at St. Stephen's
We thought it was time to give a new look to the blog to reflect the hope we have about this summer and all that we pray Paul will be able to accomplish.
We are 'turning a new leaf' and hope to move into a fuller rehabilitation mode!
Having everyone home has helped Paul significantly. He is talking a lot more and is laughing very hard again. This morning, he had taken a vitamin pill and then a drink of water to swallow it and James said something really funny. Paul managed to not lose what was in his mouth, but once he swallowed, he laughed out loud. Paul has made us laugh just as hard. I wanted him to get up a bit earlier this morning and sent Jon to wake him. I had breakfast cooked and ready. It bothers me a little when I take the time to cook food, and then it gets cold. Jon came back downstairs and said that Paul said he would get up later. I would like a dollar for everytime Paul has responded with 'not now, later'. I went up to Paul's room and said the mountain would not come to Mohammed, and that Paul had 2 choices. Get up now or I would have his dad resume the 6:30 A.M. showersfor Paul starting the next morning. Paul's very quick response was (as he started to move the covers off of his legs) "Holy Lord God, I'll get up." He did not say it in anger, but with a tone of voice that let me know he knew I meant business. We might have created a monster in these last 2 months, as I have said before. Paul doesn't have much motivation - which I know is related somewhat to the headaches and brain injury. But he also has gotten too used to being in bed. His brothers have gotten him up and out of the house, going on walks and running my errands, but only with a lot of coaxing. It has done him a world of good though. He has been functioning through it all with only mild headaches. By the end of the day, he does have a bit more intense headache though. He has been on a good number of walks in the neighborhood and we even went to St. Stephen's once, where Paul walked one full lap around the parking lot. It's a start! He has been grocery shopping again with his brother Jon, and he went to the local ice cream shop last night with the boys and Marie.
Another big first was that Jon and Marie were able to go out to lunch with Paul and actually finish the meal. Jon said that as soon as they sat down, Paul wanted to leave. Jon quietly encouraged him to stay there and try to make it all the way through. And it worked!
The one big disappointment is a very poor appetite. But amazingly, he did weigh in at 130.5, which is the first time since January, so we are making slow progress in the area of weight gain.
He has had 1/2 the amount of Tylenol since the adjustment to his shunt was done on Wednesday. Please continue to pray that he will be more and more relieved of his headaches. This morning, as I was taking care of his eye, I reminded him that when he is laying there in bed, he might try to say some prayers for his recovery. He said, "I do it all the time." He took my hand and we said some prayers and then he asked if we could take another walk. His request to walk was in response to my reminding him that while this is a very tough road ahead for him, with God's help and his own obedience to God's will, he will find the strength to keep moving forward. And, if this is truly going to be a 2 year recovery effort, we have finished the first quarter!
Since Jon, Marie and James have been home, the best moment so far was yesterday when we had walked around the St. Stephen's parking lot (with one of Paul's best friends, Jonathan Tarantino), we tried to give Paul a pep talk and get him to go around one more time. He got upset and said absolutely not, his head was really hurting. I said that he should at least go inside with all of us and present his petition to Jesus. We all walked into the sanctuary and prayed silently. Then Jon got Paul up and he walked him down to the altar and over to the candles under the picture of Our Lady of Perpetual Help and first Jon lit a candle, then he had Paul light one. They stood and prayed together for a few moments, then came back to us. Marie and I were standing in the aisle and as they approached, Marie brought us all together in a hug and we prayed again. As we left the church, I told them all that they had just purchased my Mother's Day gift. Having Marie as a daughter in law is truly the icing on the cake!
Today, after James helped me recreate the template of the blog, I went back to November and happened to open the one where we wanted to share some of the many signs from God that our family had received. The most amazing thing is...........they haven't stopped for a moment. We have received so many messages and signs from God through the comment sections of the blog, through people's actions - friends and strangers alike, in nature, in timely scripture readings........it is absolutely awesome to us. No worries then - God has promised us He will be with us always and He has shown us in numerous ways. Through His Son, Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Light, we will be led.
Praise be to God,
Love
Jon and Rebecca
Thursday, May 11, 2006
By the Time I get to Phoenix...........
November 11 - May 11
We have arrived at the 6 month mark today. I reflected on this road our family has been traveling. While it is comparatively a short distance when stacked up to other people's, I am amazed at how far we have come.
Usually it is tough for me to see the progress we have made since I am smack dab in the middle of it - the long hours spent in emergency rooms, hospital rooms, waiting rooms and Paul's room! So many hours watching Paul suffer in pain and wondering when he will get relief. People have said, "I can't believe all that you have been through." But looking back and assessing what we have been through and where we are, I have to say in response - "Just look where we are now!" By the time we get to Phoenix on this walk from Georgia to California, we will be close to 'Dancing in the streets'!
Yesterday was monumental for Paul. He had his appointment at the neurologist yesterday and his shunt was adjusted down one notch. We will see how that works over the course of the next few days. I am going to be so prayerful that Paul will find the relief he needs. We stopped at the store on the way home and Paul always stays in the van, seat reclined, and sleeps. He asked how long I would be and I said about 15 minutes. I told him I needed to get some things for the dinner we were going to have to celebrate Marie's graduation and Jon's birthday. He said he wanted to come in. I have to admit, I said to myself, "Oh blast, he won't last that long." I pictured me getting half the items and then Paul saying his head hurt too bad and I would have to stop and walk him back out to the van and then finish my shopping. But instead, I told him that it would be great for him to try and we went in. He pushed the cart and he actually had a good steady pace as we walked in and went to the florist section to get balloons. I waited to hear him say something about having to wait while they got the balloons ready, but he stood patiently and watched. I had not been in this store before and didn't know the layout. So I stood there with the big balloon bouquet, looking around to get my bearings. I was wondering where the frozen organic food section was and Paul asked what I was looking for. I told him and he pointed to a man who worked at the store and said, "Why don't we ask him?" ( The old saying is not true about men - men do know how to ask for directions!) I had to laugh with relief as I was in a bit of a panic because I just knew that as I was standing there with all those balloons, Paul would tell me he was done with this adventure and would want to go out to the car.
So we asked and were able to quickly get the 10 or so other items I needed. As I picked up the last item, Paul did say he needed to get out of there, his head was 'killing him.' We checked out and he pushed the cart to the car and then............he put the bags into the car so I could hold onto the balloons! My hero for the day! This was Paul's first grocery shopping in over 6 months. I don't imagine grocery shopping will ever be high on his list of fun things to do, but he handled our 30 minute shopping trip wonderfully well.
When we got back, Paul, his brothers and Marie went to rent a movie. They spent the rest of the afternoon in Paul's room with their popcorn and movie. I think most of them got some napping in, as Jon, Marie and James were tired from their long trip home from Naples the night before.
Paul also joined us at dinner and did not have to leave the table early like he had when everyone was home last time. It was a very enjoyable time. After dinner, Paul was ready to call it a day and had to lay down again. All the rest of us sat on the front porch to enjoy the rain and very cool weather. Right before we went in, the clouds cleared, allowing the sun to color them a soft orange, then pink as the sun set. It was a glorious sight, to be sure. With a peaceful and joyous heart, I went back inside and we gathered in Paul's room to say the family rosary. He didn't move while we prayed the first 3 Glorious Mysteries, but at the 4th, he rolled over and picked up his rosary and followed along for the remaining prayers. A perfect end to a perfect day.
We will wait to see if the adjustment to the shunt will work. Please pray that it does not overdrain the fluid so that we won't have to take a detour on our way to Phoenix. Yesterday, I had been thinking about the terrain of the land in Georgia and Alabama and realized it is very hilly. Northern Alabama has fairly high hills and so does Georgia. I smiled as I pictured how our walk has taken us over so many hills and into low valleys, just as if we were physically walking through these states. I seem to remember it is pretty much flat in Phoenix (except for Camel Back Mountain - I think that is what it is called). A detour around that might be good! Phoenix is a good distance away, but if we continue to grow as much as we have spiritually in the last 6 months, let us be on our way!
God's peace and blessings to you,
Love
Jon and Rebecca
We have arrived at the 6 month mark today. I reflected on this road our family has been traveling. While it is comparatively a short distance when stacked up to other people's, I am amazed at how far we have come.
Usually it is tough for me to see the progress we have made since I am smack dab in the middle of it - the long hours spent in emergency rooms, hospital rooms, waiting rooms and Paul's room! So many hours watching Paul suffer in pain and wondering when he will get relief. People have said, "I can't believe all that you have been through." But looking back and assessing what we have been through and where we are, I have to say in response - "Just look where we are now!" By the time we get to Phoenix on this walk from Georgia to California, we will be close to 'Dancing in the streets'!
Yesterday was monumental for Paul. He had his appointment at the neurologist yesterday and his shunt was adjusted down one notch. We will see how that works over the course of the next few days. I am going to be so prayerful that Paul will find the relief he needs. We stopped at the store on the way home and Paul always stays in the van, seat reclined, and sleeps. He asked how long I would be and I said about 15 minutes. I told him I needed to get some things for the dinner we were going to have to celebrate Marie's graduation and Jon's birthday. He said he wanted to come in. I have to admit, I said to myself, "Oh blast, he won't last that long." I pictured me getting half the items and then Paul saying his head hurt too bad and I would have to stop and walk him back out to the van and then finish my shopping. But instead, I told him that it would be great for him to try and we went in. He pushed the cart and he actually had a good steady pace as we walked in and went to the florist section to get balloons. I waited to hear him say something about having to wait while they got the balloons ready, but he stood patiently and watched. I had not been in this store before and didn't know the layout. So I stood there with the big balloon bouquet, looking around to get my bearings. I was wondering where the frozen organic food section was and Paul asked what I was looking for. I told him and he pointed to a man who worked at the store and said, "Why don't we ask him?" ( The old saying is not true about men - men do know how to ask for directions!) I had to laugh with relief as I was in a bit of a panic because I just knew that as I was standing there with all those balloons, Paul would tell me he was done with this adventure and would want to go out to the car.
So we asked and were able to quickly get the 10 or so other items I needed. As I picked up the last item, Paul did say he needed to get out of there, his head was 'killing him.' We checked out and he pushed the cart to the car and then............he put the bags into the car so I could hold onto the balloons! My hero for the day! This was Paul's first grocery shopping in over 6 months. I don't imagine grocery shopping will ever be high on his list of fun things to do, but he handled our 30 minute shopping trip wonderfully well.
When we got back, Paul, his brothers and Marie went to rent a movie. They spent the rest of the afternoon in Paul's room with their popcorn and movie. I think most of them got some napping in, as Jon, Marie and James were tired from their long trip home from Naples the night before.
Paul also joined us at dinner and did not have to leave the table early like he had when everyone was home last time. It was a very enjoyable time. After dinner, Paul was ready to call it a day and had to lay down again. All the rest of us sat on the front porch to enjoy the rain and very cool weather. Right before we went in, the clouds cleared, allowing the sun to color them a soft orange, then pink as the sun set. It was a glorious sight, to be sure. With a peaceful and joyous heart, I went back inside and we gathered in Paul's room to say the family rosary. He didn't move while we prayed the first 3 Glorious Mysteries, but at the 4th, he rolled over and picked up his rosary and followed along for the remaining prayers. A perfect end to a perfect day.
We will wait to see if the adjustment to the shunt will work. Please pray that it does not overdrain the fluid so that we won't have to take a detour on our way to Phoenix. Yesterday, I had been thinking about the terrain of the land in Georgia and Alabama and realized it is very hilly. Northern Alabama has fairly high hills and so does Georgia. I smiled as I pictured how our walk has taken us over so many hills and into low valleys, just as if we were physically walking through these states. I seem to remember it is pretty much flat in Phoenix (except for Camel Back Mountain - I think that is what it is called). A detour around that might be good! Phoenix is a good distance away, but if we continue to grow as much as we have spiritually in the last 6 months, let us be on our way!
God's peace and blessings to you,
Love
Jon and Rebecca
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Play It Again, Paul
Yesterday was by far one of the best days we have had.
I was working downstairs and I got a text message from Paul on my phone. It took me by complete surprise and he asked "What do you want to do for lunch?" Happy that he might actually want to eat a meal, I responded with "What did you have in mind?" He answered "Do you want to go somewhere to eat?" I walked upstairs and asked if he wanted to actually go somewhere and sit down to eat, or just buy it and come home. He said he would like to go in and sit down to eat. I hugged him and said it would be great to go get some lunch and so when I finished work, we drove to a new local pizza cafe and we went in and ordered lunch. The only problem was that the music was so loud and with the tile walls and floor, it was very hard for me to hear anything Paul was saying because he talks softer than he used to. The sad part about all this was that I was the one who could not handle all this noise (there were TV's on also) and I was worried it would be too much commotion/noise for Paul. After about 20 minutes I asked him if he was okay and he said "Did you want to leave?" I said that if he was fine, we would stay. He said "Let's get them to put it in a box and we can go." I said that if he wanted to stay we would. I have to admit, I was not sure he was in overload with all the noise or if it was just me and he was trying to please me. He handed me the ticket and said "Go tell them we would like the order to go. It is loud in here." We got our order and went out to the van. It was a very nice and breezy day. Since my sister told me she would meet me there to bring some work for me from the office, we sat there and had our lunch. I told Paul I was sorry for ending the lunch plans, but he said that it was easier to talk out in the van................which we did. It turned out to be a very pleasant time.
When we got home, we took our afternoon walk. Afterwards, Paul came in and I thought he would want to lay down, but he went to the piano and started to play Pacabel's Canon in D. I quietly sat down behind him and looked out the window where everything is lush and green and the flowers have filled the front garden.(A true pocket of peace!) Paul played a very simple version of this song, but it was a song he has played before on the guitar, on the cello and now on the piano. When he was done, he turned around on the piano bench and saw me and smiled. He then continued playing - but he just played chords and scales, as if to remember things. He stayed there for about 15 more minutes. Then he decided to lay down to rest because he said he had a pretty bad headache.
Later, when my sister Bev came by again to bring the mail for me from work, I asked Paul if he would play again for his aunt. He did, but this time, it was harder for him to remember that song. Bev said out loud exactly what I was thinking.......it was so good to hear music in that room again. While we talked, Paul's concentration was again on playing chords and little pieces of things he was trying to remember. I think it is time for Paul to start some music lessons again and will try to get something scheduled this week. I know Paul would like to feel like something is the same in his life and music was his life before. Everything and everyone came second to his music. He needs to tap back into that as soon as possible. We have an appointment with the neurologist tomorrow to see if the shunt needs to be adjusted one more time. With Paul's continued headaches, I would think it might need that. Paul's headaches seem to be the only stumbling block to his recovery at this time.
The girl Paul had been dating before the accident came to visit Paul yesterday. He has not remembered anything about their 2 months of dating or Geneva herself. It is because it was too close to the accident. He remembers friends he has grown up with, but the more new or casual the friendship, he does not remember. This past week, he asked me who he had been dating before his accident. I told him who and he said he didn't remember that. He said he wanted to talk to her, so he called her. Geneva lives in Florida now, but said she would come to visit him. He was very happy about that and looked forward to her visit. Geneva came around 6 PM and we all had dinner. Paul was very talkative and funny and was very at ease with all the conversation. He got the usual headache around 8 PM and had to take his pain medication. He didn't want to sleep, so he asked Geneva, "Can you stay and watch a movie?" Geneva, Jon, Paul and I watched Chronicles of Narnia. Last Fall, Geneva said that they had planned to see this movie together when it was released. She said she had never gone to see it when it did come out. She was glad she was going to see it just as she and Paul had planned. Paul stayed awake through the whole movie and even made some funny remarks during it. It was great to see him put forth this huge effort at the end of an already huge day!!
Today, his brothers will all be home and he will have some more huge days ahead, I pray! I know I am so excited to have my whole family home and thank God for the blessing of my sons and husband. While I have endured (at times) being the only female in this home, I am truly one of the most blessed mothers on earth. Most especially now that my son Jon married Marie (who's awesome!). I have even more fun when everyone's home! God has brought me all that I need to move forward on this journey.
May the blessings flow abundantly for all of you,
Love
Jon and Rebecca
I was working downstairs and I got a text message from Paul on my phone. It took me by complete surprise and he asked "What do you want to do for lunch?" Happy that he might actually want to eat a meal, I responded with "What did you have in mind?" He answered "Do you want to go somewhere to eat?" I walked upstairs and asked if he wanted to actually go somewhere and sit down to eat, or just buy it and come home. He said he would like to go in and sit down to eat. I hugged him and said it would be great to go get some lunch and so when I finished work, we drove to a new local pizza cafe and we went in and ordered lunch. The only problem was that the music was so loud and with the tile walls and floor, it was very hard for me to hear anything Paul was saying because he talks softer than he used to. The sad part about all this was that I was the one who could not handle all this noise (there were TV's on also) and I was worried it would be too much commotion/noise for Paul. After about 20 minutes I asked him if he was okay and he said "Did you want to leave?" I said that if he was fine, we would stay. He said "Let's get them to put it in a box and we can go." I said that if he wanted to stay we would. I have to admit, I was not sure he was in overload with all the noise or if it was just me and he was trying to please me. He handed me the ticket and said "Go tell them we would like the order to go. It is loud in here." We got our order and went out to the van. It was a very nice and breezy day. Since my sister told me she would meet me there to bring some work for me from the office, we sat there and had our lunch. I told Paul I was sorry for ending the lunch plans, but he said that it was easier to talk out in the van................which we did. It turned out to be a very pleasant time.
When we got home, we took our afternoon walk. Afterwards, Paul came in and I thought he would want to lay down, but he went to the piano and started to play Pacabel's Canon in D. I quietly sat down behind him and looked out the window where everything is lush and green and the flowers have filled the front garden.(A true pocket of peace!) Paul played a very simple version of this song, but it was a song he has played before on the guitar, on the cello and now on the piano. When he was done, he turned around on the piano bench and saw me and smiled. He then continued playing - but he just played chords and scales, as if to remember things. He stayed there for about 15 more minutes. Then he decided to lay down to rest because he said he had a pretty bad headache.
Later, when my sister Bev came by again to bring the mail for me from work, I asked Paul if he would play again for his aunt. He did, but this time, it was harder for him to remember that song. Bev said out loud exactly what I was thinking.......it was so good to hear music in that room again. While we talked, Paul's concentration was again on playing chords and little pieces of things he was trying to remember. I think it is time for Paul to start some music lessons again and will try to get something scheduled this week. I know Paul would like to feel like something is the same in his life and music was his life before. Everything and everyone came second to his music. He needs to tap back into that as soon as possible. We have an appointment with the neurologist tomorrow to see if the shunt needs to be adjusted one more time. With Paul's continued headaches, I would think it might need that. Paul's headaches seem to be the only stumbling block to his recovery at this time.
The girl Paul had been dating before the accident came to visit Paul yesterday. He has not remembered anything about their 2 months of dating or Geneva herself. It is because it was too close to the accident. He remembers friends he has grown up with, but the more new or casual the friendship, he does not remember. This past week, he asked me who he had been dating before his accident. I told him who and he said he didn't remember that. He said he wanted to talk to her, so he called her. Geneva lives in Florida now, but said she would come to visit him. He was very happy about that and looked forward to her visit. Geneva came around 6 PM and we all had dinner. Paul was very talkative and funny and was very at ease with all the conversation. He got the usual headache around 8 PM and had to take his pain medication. He didn't want to sleep, so he asked Geneva, "Can you stay and watch a movie?" Geneva, Jon, Paul and I watched Chronicles of Narnia. Last Fall, Geneva said that they had planned to see this movie together when it was released. She said she had never gone to see it when it did come out. She was glad she was going to see it just as she and Paul had planned. Paul stayed awake through the whole movie and even made some funny remarks during it. It was great to see him put forth this huge effort at the end of an already huge day!!
Today, his brothers will all be home and he will have some more huge days ahead, I pray! I know I am so excited to have my whole family home and thank God for the blessing of my sons and husband. While I have endured (at times) being the only female in this home, I am truly one of the most blessed mothers on earth. Most especially now that my son Jon married Marie (who's awesome!). I have even more fun when everyone's home! God has brought me all that I need to move forward on this journey.
May the blessings flow abundantly for all of you,
Love
Jon and Rebecca
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Let's Get Physical...........
The timing of what happened yesterday made me look up to heaven and smile. We were driving to the neurologist's office and Paul said very matter of factly, "I need to start thinking about what I am going to do in life." I asked him what made him think of that and he said, "I can't stay like I am and I need to figure out what to do." I told him that he needed to focus on accomplishing a little more each day, and that God would lead him if Paul would allow it. Paul said "you are probably right about that." We went in to the office and as we were sitting there, I decided to read the daily scripture readings for May 5th. The first reading was from the Acts of the Apostles (9:1-20), which is the story of Saul on the road to Damascus, and his being blinded by the light that shown around him and caused him to fall to the ground. I read all the way through it and immediately knew that Paul should hear it, since he had just spoken about his need to figure out what he is supposed to do in life. After I read the entire passage to Paul, he pointed to his eye and said, "he was just like me, in that he was struck down blind." He then smiled and I reminded him of the words that Jesus spoke to Saul in this passage, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city and you will be told what you must do." Then Jesus tells Ananias to go and lay his hands on Saul and says, "Go, for this man is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before Gentiles, kings, and children of Israel, and I will show him what he will have to suffer for my name." I told Paul that he too will be shown by Jesus the pathway to follow, and that the suffering that Paul has endured has a purpose. I finished by reminding him that after Saul spent some time with the disciples, he went out and started to proclaim that Jesus was the Son of God. We are all asked to do no less.
It was what happened next that made me smile at heaven. We heard the doctor enter the room next to us and the patient who was in that room had a rather booming voice. When the doctor asked him how he was, the man said, "My arm is like a dead fish." Paul kind of laughed when he heard this and said, "That's kind of a weird thing to say." I said that he probably has some nerve damage. But then the man asked how long would he have quality of life after the radiation and chemotherapy. The doctor replied that he had about a year. Paul and I looked at each other and I felt so sad for this man. I told Paul that it was cancer that the man must have. Paul took my hand and said, "We need to pray for that man and his family." He prayed a Hail Mary and the Our Father with me. I told Paul that he was learning the lesson from the scripture reading. We are called to love others in this world and to be mindful of their needs, and that St. Paul had also written that we are to pray without ceasing in our lives. When we hear or see people who need help, we have to respond to their needs in whatever way we can. Our daily actions and prayers will be the way we proclaim that Jesus is the Son of God. Paul's response to the man in the next room was so immediate and heartfelt. Yes, I smiled at heaven and knew God's time and God's way was the answer to Paul's wondering about what he should do in life. I told Paul that since we don't know the hour or the day that we will end our mission on earth, we are to remain very aware of God's presence in our day and stay focused on what is right in front of us. Since God does not leave us for any moment of our life, we need remain in Him. We can do this by our thoughts, actions and words being an imitation of Jesus.
The neurologist explained that he wanted to leave the setting alone at this time on the shunt. He said that with a brain injury, there is a tendency to want to rush things along. But actually, time is the answer to many of the issues. He asked how Paul was doing compared to the couple of days since the shunt was adjusted. I said that actually, he was doing really well in the last 24 hours. He had taken walks, was eating 2 out of 3 meals a day and had actually slept through the nigth for the first time in 6 weeks. He said he thinks the problem is that Paul has not been active enough to get a true reading. The shunt does not work as well when someone is laying down and that if Paul is mostly sleeping, he is not taking in as much oxygen. The more shallow the breathing, the more carbon dioxide there is in his system and that actually helps to produce more brain fluid. The problem may be self perpetuating. He would like to wait until next week to see if with increased activity, Paul will improve. He asked what was going on with Paul's eye and I explained that we are first of all trying to keep the cornea protected. He said that the important thing to remember is to give time for things to heal and not rush into anything that might over time fix itself. He said that we are right to concentrate on the cornea only at this time. He said, "you fix the immediate problems first, then work your way down the list." I feel more comfortable with his better explanation of what is going on with Paul and of course, still trust that God had answered my prayer the day of the accident - which was to bring the best doctors into Paul's pathway and help them do their best. It's still all about 'trust in God'. I remember asking Jon (in a moment of complete despair) "To what point and purpose is all this?" I know the answer will be in God's time and way. Period. With all your prayers, Paul will have the grace to do what is intended for him. And so will we.
So we began today like we ended yesterday. Paul has become very active, asking us to take walks with him and he even asked me yesterday afternoon, "Do you want to help me do my arm excercises?" I didn't even know he remembered doing those 6-7 weeks ago! So we worked on them. He has lost strength in his left arm and his joints were sore, but he did work through it. Today, on an even longer walk, up a hill, I told him about his Grandma Fidero who had a massive stroke in her 70's and struggled to walk again. She not only walked again, she had 2 more strokes and fought to walk after each one. She never gave up. I told Paul it is important to keep his eye on the goal and to look behind him every once in awhile to see how far he has come. Don't be disillusioned with how far the trail seems ahead of him, just stay focused on his own accomplishments.
For the first time ever, Paul did share that he had at times wished he had not lived. This stunned us and not because he wanted to die, but because he has never shared any real emotions or feelings with us. I have wondered for a long time what he thinks about in all those hours of laying around and have even asked him. He either says "nothing" or shrugs his shoulders as if to say "I don't know." Jon and I said that we understood that he would probably feel like that, and that he will have to deal with times of despair and anger or sadness. It would all be part of the normal process of his recovery, and that his family, friends and his faith in God will get him through it all. He thanked us both for being there to help him.
In turn, we thank all of you on his behalf.
Our prayers and love to you all,
Jon and Rebecca
It was what happened next that made me smile at heaven. We heard the doctor enter the room next to us and the patient who was in that room had a rather booming voice. When the doctor asked him how he was, the man said, "My arm is like a dead fish." Paul kind of laughed when he heard this and said, "That's kind of a weird thing to say." I said that he probably has some nerve damage. But then the man asked how long would he have quality of life after the radiation and chemotherapy. The doctor replied that he had about a year. Paul and I looked at each other and I felt so sad for this man. I told Paul that it was cancer that the man must have. Paul took my hand and said, "We need to pray for that man and his family." He prayed a Hail Mary and the Our Father with me. I told Paul that he was learning the lesson from the scripture reading. We are called to love others in this world and to be mindful of their needs, and that St. Paul had also written that we are to pray without ceasing in our lives. When we hear or see people who need help, we have to respond to their needs in whatever way we can. Our daily actions and prayers will be the way we proclaim that Jesus is the Son of God. Paul's response to the man in the next room was so immediate and heartfelt. Yes, I smiled at heaven and knew God's time and God's way was the answer to Paul's wondering about what he should do in life. I told Paul that since we don't know the hour or the day that we will end our mission on earth, we are to remain very aware of God's presence in our day and stay focused on what is right in front of us. Since God does not leave us for any moment of our life, we need remain in Him. We can do this by our thoughts, actions and words being an imitation of Jesus.
The neurologist explained that he wanted to leave the setting alone at this time on the shunt. He said that with a brain injury, there is a tendency to want to rush things along. But actually, time is the answer to many of the issues. He asked how Paul was doing compared to the couple of days since the shunt was adjusted. I said that actually, he was doing really well in the last 24 hours. He had taken walks, was eating 2 out of 3 meals a day and had actually slept through the nigth for the first time in 6 weeks. He said he thinks the problem is that Paul has not been active enough to get a true reading. The shunt does not work as well when someone is laying down and that if Paul is mostly sleeping, he is not taking in as much oxygen. The more shallow the breathing, the more carbon dioxide there is in his system and that actually helps to produce more brain fluid. The problem may be self perpetuating. He would like to wait until next week to see if with increased activity, Paul will improve. He asked what was going on with Paul's eye and I explained that we are first of all trying to keep the cornea protected. He said that the important thing to remember is to give time for things to heal and not rush into anything that might over time fix itself. He said that we are right to concentrate on the cornea only at this time. He said, "you fix the immediate problems first, then work your way down the list." I feel more comfortable with his better explanation of what is going on with Paul and of course, still trust that God had answered my prayer the day of the accident - which was to bring the best doctors into Paul's pathway and help them do their best. It's still all about 'trust in God'. I remember asking Jon (in a moment of complete despair) "To what point and purpose is all this?" I know the answer will be in God's time and way. Period. With all your prayers, Paul will have the grace to do what is intended for him. And so will we.
So we began today like we ended yesterday. Paul has become very active, asking us to take walks with him and he even asked me yesterday afternoon, "Do you want to help me do my arm excercises?" I didn't even know he remembered doing those 6-7 weeks ago! So we worked on them. He has lost strength in his left arm and his joints were sore, but he did work through it. Today, on an even longer walk, up a hill, I told him about his Grandma Fidero who had a massive stroke in her 70's and struggled to walk again. She not only walked again, she had 2 more strokes and fought to walk after each one. She never gave up. I told Paul it is important to keep his eye on the goal and to look behind him every once in awhile to see how far he has come. Don't be disillusioned with how far the trail seems ahead of him, just stay focused on his own accomplishments.
For the first time ever, Paul did share that he had at times wished he had not lived. This stunned us and not because he wanted to die, but because he has never shared any real emotions or feelings with us. I have wondered for a long time what he thinks about in all those hours of laying around and have even asked him. He either says "nothing" or shrugs his shoulders as if to say "I don't know." Jon and I said that we understood that he would probably feel like that, and that he will have to deal with times of despair and anger or sadness. It would all be part of the normal process of his recovery, and that his family, friends and his faith in God will get him through it all. He thanked us both for being there to help him.
In turn, we thank all of you on his behalf.
Our prayers and love to you all,
Jon and Rebecca
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Hurry up and 'weight' ...
We have an appointment today with the eye specialist again to make sure we get the correct weight for Paul's eyelid. They will also get a CT scan for use in the surgery to correct the positioning of the eyeball and do any other reconstructive work on the orbit. That surgery won't take place until we can stabilize the shunt complication. We are waiting to see the neurologist again, so that another adjustment can be done. Paul's headaches continue with about the same intensity as before. We have had some very long nights lately, which in turn make for longer days. Paul has gotten up each day to walk 2 to 3 times. He eats only one meal a day and that is about all he accomplishes. On Monday, Paul decided that he would try to walk Abby. She stayed by his side and when she tried to pull away on her leash, he spoke her name firmly, and she got right back in line. I was holding his other arm as a precaution, in case she saw a squirrel and tried to take off. That is a new sport for her, which in turn keeps the squirrels in line!
I read the comments from my niece Kelly Fidero and then the response from my brother Jim. I was sitting in the early morning hour and was feeling very drained. As I sat here, I thought about those comments and then started to read the morning prayers and realized it is the Feast of St. Philip and James, Apostles of Jesus. That lead me to the bible and the Letter of James. He was a cousin of Jesus and he ruled over the Church in Jerusalem, wrote an epistle and converted many of the Jewish people to the faith. He led an austere life and suffered martyrdom in the year 62. As I was reading through the Letter of James, the sun rose high enough to shine on me, ever so faintly, through the trees. I felt comfort in that light and in the chapter I was reading about perseverance. It ties in with the comments stated above.
"Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. You too must be patient. Make your hearts firm, because the coming of the Lord is at hand."
"Take as an example of hardship and patience, brothers, the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Indeed we call blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of the perseverance of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, because the Lord is compassionate and merciful." James 5: 7-11
He goes on to write, "Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone in good spirits? He should sing praise."
As we approach the 6 month, this is all about perseverance and steadfast love of God as we "walk", with songs of praise for all that God has placed in our pathway. Today, I sing praise to God for all the love we have received and the prayers, from everyone who shown themselves to be persevering followers of Christ in their words and actions. It is what helps us stay the course.
I am to hear back from the neurologist today about having a weekly CT scan done on Paul, with an appointment following to adjust the shunt. If there are a number of adjustments to the shunt, a once a month appointment does not appear to be in Paul's best interest. While we don't want to over drain the fluid, I do want to know if a more timely way to monitor this can be taken.
We await with joyful anticipation the arrival of James, Jon and Marie next Tuesday. They will be finished with school and James will be here for the month of May to help me and Jon and Marie will be on their way to their new home in Virginia.
God's blessings to all of you,
Jon and Rebecca
I read the comments from my niece Kelly Fidero and then the response from my brother Jim. I was sitting in the early morning hour and was feeling very drained. As I sat here, I thought about those comments and then started to read the morning prayers and realized it is the Feast of St. Philip and James, Apostles of Jesus. That lead me to the bible and the Letter of James. He was a cousin of Jesus and he ruled over the Church in Jerusalem, wrote an epistle and converted many of the Jewish people to the faith. He led an austere life and suffered martyrdom in the year 62. As I was reading through the Letter of James, the sun rose high enough to shine on me, ever so faintly, through the trees. I felt comfort in that light and in the chapter I was reading about perseverance. It ties in with the comments stated above.
"Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. You too must be patient. Make your hearts firm, because the coming of the Lord is at hand."
"Take as an example of hardship and patience, brothers, the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Indeed we call blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of the perseverance of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, because the Lord is compassionate and merciful." James 5: 7-11
He goes on to write, "Is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone in good spirits? He should sing praise."
As we approach the 6 month, this is all about perseverance and steadfast love of God as we "walk", with songs of praise for all that God has placed in our pathway. Today, I sing praise to God for all the love we have received and the prayers, from everyone who shown themselves to be persevering followers of Christ in their words and actions. It is what helps us stay the course.
I am to hear back from the neurologist today about having a weekly CT scan done on Paul, with an appointment following to adjust the shunt. If there are a number of adjustments to the shunt, a once a month appointment does not appear to be in Paul's best interest. While we don't want to over drain the fluid, I do want to know if a more timely way to monitor this can be taken.
We await with joyful anticipation the arrival of James, Jon and Marie next Tuesday. They will be finished with school and James will be here for the month of May to help me and Jon and Marie will be on their way to their new home in Virginia.
God's blessings to all of you,
Jon and Rebecca
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