Sign of the Cross

Last week I received a call from Kay, a woman I know, and she asked if we could join a group of people who were going to pray at an abortion clinic. I thanked her for thinking of us and said we would be there. When I hung up the phone I thanked God for this invitation too.

Years ago, Jon (husband) and James would go on Saturday mornings with a group of people to pray the rosary at the same clinic, while some of us would stay at the church in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament and pray. The last time they went, they were told they would be arrested since there was no sidewalk there, which meant all the property was considered private. It's been about 3 years since that time and now there is a sidewalk, which is considered public property. It is a place to legally stand and say the rosary.

We met everyone last Saturday morning at 6:30 AM at the church and then drove over to the clinic. It was a beautiful morning and finally, a lot cooler weather. There were 9 of us, including a priest, and we lined up on the sidewalk and started to pray the rosary. One of the women held a poster that had the phone number that the women could call as an option to what they were about to do. As we started to pray, a bird started to sing in the tree overhead. It continued to sing for quite a long while as we prayed. As it was the feast of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, Kay said to me later, it was surely a sign that Mary was glad that someone had brought her a birthday gift by praying for the women who entered that building. Someone had finally come to pray there again! I have to say that as I started to pray, I had such an intense sadness come over me. I watched some of the employees walking in and they appeared so cavalier about what was going to happen in that building. I prayed so hard that they would have a conversion in their hearts to realize the full truth that they were participating in taking away the lives of babies. The women who are pregnant come with a different mindset. They have all varied issues that cause them to make this decision. I have to confess, as I stood there I remembered that when I was pregnant with my last son, I realized how someone could get desperate enough to make that decision. We had lost everything (home included) due to successive times of unemployment and we had to finally get help from family to keep feeding our children. I also had to move in with my parents for a few months while Jon came to Atlanta to find a job. We were blessed that we had family to help us. Right after we moved to Atlanta was when I realized I was expecting another baby. In those first days of realizing I was pregnant and at such a rough time in our lives, I was very frightened about how we could possibly afford the care of another child. I really didn't know what we were going to do. We were barely hanging on and my pride kept me too embarrassed to ask for help one more time. I remember how the word abortion flashed into my thoughts and I cried and cried that I felt so desperate that that thought could even enter into my mind. I remember Jon hugging me and telling me that if we believed in God, we just had to trust that He would help us take care of another child. It took every ounce of my being to trust in Him at that very frightening time of my life. It was a minute by minute relationship with God. In hindsight, it was truly the beginning of my really learning to trust God - the beginning of my more spiritual relationship that has grown and continues to sustain me to this day.

So it was with great sadness that I watched the women walk into that building. I prayed they would be forgiven and possibly even be graced with the knowledge to know the truth and to change their minds.

As I prayed for God to have mercy on everyone involved, I was reminded of something Fr. Jack had said about sinfulness. He said that it is false to think that our own sins are less offensive than others. It is wrong to look at others and think their sins are more grievous than our own. All sin is ugly. I have heard it said that if you want to know how ugly our sins are, look at Jesus on the cross. Picture the bleeding wounds from the scourging at the pillar, the crowning of thorns and the nails in His hands and feet. I prayed that God's great mercy would be poured out on everyone.

"Now, as I said before, the reason God's plan permitted Peter to sin was because he was to be entrusted with the whole people of God and sinlessness added to his severity might have made him unforgiving toward his brothers and sisters. He fell into sin so that, remembering his own fault and the Lord's forgiveness, he also might forgive others out of love for them."
(St. John Chrysostom 407 AD)

We went to Mass afterward and Paul left us to sit with the woman whose husband died in January while Paul was having surgery in Charlotte. He always looks to the pew where she always sits and if she is alone, he will sit by her. Paul may have a long walk recovering some of his cognitive abilities, but he has certainly grown so much more in his spirituality. We have talked about his returning to college and how he might want to take a few music classes since it is what he knows best. I mentioned that it might do him a lot of good doing something in which he was so familiar, since so much has changed in his life. It might feel good going back to the campus and being in the area he was before, seeing the same teachers. While he may have lost his 'passion' for music, he still shows so much interest in it when he plays and talks about music. He becomes very enthused about the subject. He has recently said, "Maybe God allowed me to have that incredible passion for music and then took it away so that I would know what passion is. Now He wants me to be passionate about Him instead." I responded by telling him that that was probably a very true thing because Paul's passion for music meant the exclusion of everything else in his life. Everything took a second seat - his faith, his family, his girlfriend. He said that he is not angry that he lost the passion for music, which is maybe very weird. He said he really understands that it is better to have that same passion for Jesus and he hopes to be able to recover enough to do something with his life that will please Jesus. I told him that was more than half the battle - wanting and desiring to please Jesus!

Paul said that he is very glad that when he woke up from his coma, it was obvious that God had touched him because of how he has changed and how he thinks of God all the time now. I said that it was truly the power of prayer that brought that gift from God! I told him to continue to pray that he will use that gift wisely.

The day after we prayed at the abortion clinic, Paul lit a candle. As he lit the candle, he simply said, "For all those babies." He got tears in his eyes and stood there for awhile and then turned to go. When we got outside he said that there are so many reasons for him to accept his suffering. He hates the headaches and the pain in other areas, but He understands that God may need him to do that for awhile. He said he does hope it won't be for a long time though.

"By waiting and by calm you shall be saved,
in quiet and in trust your strength lies." (Is 30:15)

"You need endurance to do the will of God and
receive what He has promised. (Heb 10:36)

Today is Feast day of The Exaltation of the Holy Cross.
We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you because
by your Holy Cross, you have redeemed the world.

"If you wish to have the light of divine grace, and a
heart free from all care, if you wish to curb all harmful
temptations, and to be made perfect in the ways of God,
do not tarry in running to the cross of Christ. Truly there is
no other way for the sons of Christ to manage to find God,
and having found Him, to hold on to Him, but in the life and
way of the suffering God and Man. Continual prayer elevates,
illumines and transforms the soul. Illumined by the light
perceived in prayer, the soul sees clearly the way of Christ
prepared and trodden by the feet of the Crucified."
Blessed Angela of Foligno (1309 AD)

Peace be with you in this day as you remember that our victory
is by the way of the Cross of Christ.

Love,
Jon and Rebecca