Facts and Figures

A rainbow over the church on the Ave Maria University campus. James took these pictures on his way to class yesterday.














































Jon and Paul searching for
online college courses

Paul and Jon working on some songs they used to play together. It was a great evening for Paul - he played very close to his ability before the accident.

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So much for catching up the blog like I said in my last posting. So much has been going on. I feel like I am living in the story called "Toad's Wild Ride" that I used to read to my sons. But we are blessed with a full life.

Unfortunately, my mother is back in the hospital in the cardio-vascular ICU. She had been in her new apartment at the assisted living home for only 8 days and is now back at the hospital for the same reasons. Her blood pressure spiked again and since she had already had a dissected aorta, the lining could tear again very easily. She is in stable condition and hopefully will be home within the next 2 - 3 days. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for her.

I thought of my son James and his advice about how God would not just send me patience. If it were given to me, I would not know enough about patience to appreciate the gift. As I reflect on these past 3 weeks and the hectic schedule that has been thrust upon us, I am sure I will now appreciate my ‘pockets of peace’ even more!

So what has kept us busy? Jon, Paul, Jerry and I sat down and worked out a schedule for Paul that will help him move forward in achieving independence. We purchased a number of workbooks that will refresh his memory in math, language arts, reading comprehension and reasoning skills and also crossword, suduko and word find puzzle books to fill in his days. It all got started when we tried to find an online course for him. We were checking out some of the possibilities, but after we talked to a counselor at Shepherd Pathways, it was suggested that Paul audit a class at first so that he doesn’t feel overwhelmed by it. It may be too big a chunk for him. As we continue to work towards getting him back in classes at the university, I felt a bit desperate to find something to stretch his brain use. A friend of Jerry’s suggested we get the S.A.T. pretest materials and let him work on those. We went to the bookstore and found so much material for him to work on. We set up a schedule for Paul that keeps him very busy each day, which means we are on the schedule also. His days are filled with work, exercise, music, chores, and studying. I have to say, he was not a happy camper when we first talked about it. He had gotten used to the care free kind of days where he would go to work, come home and just hang out for hours. He developed a habit of playing Solitaire for hours, which concerned us. He would just ‘zone out’ and not accomplish much. We are seeing that he forms habits very easily, so we decided to help him create more beneficial habits. During the evening when we were all together, planning his days, he reluctantly joined us. He didn’t really like the idea of having his days filled with activities. Paul is still a very ‘laid back’ type of person and he never had much ambition other than becoming a famous musician. Now that that passion is gone, per Paul, he has become TOO laid back! It doesn’t help that the area of his brain that was affected by the injury is the area of initiation. Paul didn’t have much of that to begin with.........smile. The conflict is that he is well aware of the fact that he is 22 yrs old and he is now being told what to do. Yet, in most instances, if he is not told what to do, he nap or play Solitaire.

It remains an area of concern for us. Paul asked Jon when he could move back to Jerry’s and Jon told him, “When you don’t have to ask what you need to do next. When you know how to plan out your days completely. You will do it Paul, it may take a bit of practice and time, but it will all come back to you. You have come light years beyond where you were.” As we continued making out the daily schedule and asking Paul to help decide on the activities, he got less and less interested and actually fell asleep on the couch right in the middle of our conversation. He certainly provided a visual aid as to how he felt about all this! We continued on and finished his schedule for him. We showed it to him the next day and he was irritated at first. Later that day, he came to Jon and I and said he understood he still needed our help and that he would work harder at becoming more independent. He knew that he has a long way to go and he was not angry at us for trying to help him. We told him that his being able to figure this out and accept it showed a lot of growth on his part.

Little by little we are seeing more of his nature come through the fog. We are seeing more of his emotions coming through because he is able to articulate it better. Last night, he came into the kitchen and said very plainly and sadly, “I hate that I had an accident.” I went over to him and hugged him and said, “So do I Paul. So do I. I know your suffering is very difficult for you and Dad and I suffer watching you. I know you are frustrated with trying to overcome so many things and so many things have changed so drastically. But God knows what you need and who you will become. Don’t forget that He is right by your side.” Paul said he knew that God was helping him be the person he was supposed to be, but he is very tired of his headaches keeping him from doing so much more. Then he looked right at me and said very solemnly, “I feel like I am going to cry very hard about all this one of these days.” I told him that that was a very good thing to come to terms with, because it would be an appropriate response to all that has happened to him. I was relieved to hear him finally say something so concrete. It seems to me that it is a beginning of his gaining a better awareness of the enormous change that his limitations have brought to his life. We have a long road ahead, but once again, we have more light coming through the fog.

This past week, we remembered Blessed Teresa on September 5^th. She has always been such a huge inspiration for me. Her beautiful prayers and sayings always impact me and so it was very surprising to hear that she suffered so long without feeling the presence of God in her life. She said that her eyes did not see and her ears did not hear Jesus. She stayed faithful without the help I write about all the time! I can hardly comprehend the enormity of that fact. Her words are so opposite to what she was silently suffering. It is no wonder then that she wrote so knowingly about suffering.

“Suffering has to come because if you look at the cross, He has got His head bending down – He wants to kiss you – and He has both hands open wide – He wants to embrace you. He has his heart opened wide to receive you. Then when you feel miserable inside, look at the cross and you will know what is happening. Suffering, pain, sorrow, humiliation, feelings of loneliness, are nothing but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close that He can kiss you. That suffering has to come that came in the life of Our Lady, that came in the life of Jesus – it has to come in our life also. Only, never put on a long face. Suffering is a gift from God. It is between you and Jesus, alone inside. Our total surrender will come today by surrendering even our sins so that we will be poor. “Unless you become a child, you cannot come to me.” We need humility to acknowledge our sin. The knowledge of our sin helps us to rise. “I will rise up and go to my Father.”

I thought of something this morning. I remember reading that if we get our reward on earth, then that is the extent of our reward. If we do not seek our reward in earthly terms, our reward will be in heaven. We tend to seek our success in earthly ways, to gain in earthly ways, to get recognition and thanks from the people around us. It made me smile as I thought about the fact that if Blessed Teresa suffered so much isolation in her soul and her rewards were being held in heaven for her arrival, the rewards would surely have been piled higher than Mount Everest! Our world never saw her with a long face. We were left with images of God’s light shining through her face and eyes and smile. Thank you God for the gift of Blessed Teresa, even if it is a reward we have received on earth.

I wanted to share the pictures James took while going to class yesterday. I know that I talk so much about the visual aids I take as signs from God that He loves us more than we can imagine. I do feel blessed that I find so much joy in the beauty of His world. It helps me not have a long face!

May you find peace today, knowing that in all your sufferings, Jesus is leaning to kiss you. A reward coming from heaven.

Love,

Jon and Rebecca