Some bits and pieces to share with you as we close the year 2006.
With all the long delays between my postings lately, there are things I didn't make note of.
James came home from Austria with a lot of stories to share with us and some wonderful religious articles he purchased while traveling. We are so proud of all that he was able to do, along with getting A's in his classes. He traveled to 12 countries and he said one of the most powerful experiences was while he was in Poland, seeing the birthplace of John Paul II and the Nazi camp of Auschwitz, where St. Maximilian Kolbe died. The other place that remains special to him is Lourdes, France. He said that he had purchased a lot of Lourdes holy water in small bottles to bring back for Paul. He also brought him a rosary. He said that while he was at the grotto where the apparition occured he all of a sudden got the idea to pinch off a bit of moss that grows right there. He put it in one of the bottles of holy water he had with him. Later, when he was coming home to the USA, he had forgotten about the rules of not being able to bring liquids onboard and he had to turn over most of the bottles of holy water that he had with him. He quickly tucked away 5 of the small bottles and was able to save the one with the moss from the apparition site. He was literally filled with glee as he told us how he had managed to get some of the holy water home. We all prayed over Paul and blessed his head with some of the water that had the bits of moss in it. Paul was so happy his brother had done this for him. He hugged him and thanked him over and over. James also brought home a beautiful icon of Our Lady of Czestochowa, which is a copy of the one that Pope John Paul II prayed in front of as a youth. Michael chose St. Maximilian Kolbe as his patron saint for Confirmation, and since St. Maximilian, St. Faustina (of Divine Mercy) and John Paul II were all from that local area and attended that church, James wanted Michael to have something to remember these 3 awesome people and the examples of their lives. It was good to have James home with us for that week. He went to Chicago with my brother's family when they returned home. He is interviewing at a couple of different schools in that area for a possible transfer. He will come home next week sometime to get all his belongings ready, whether it be for a transfer to a school in Chicago or back to Ave Maria. I am missing him sorely!
Paul is steadily making progress with keeping busy throughout the whole day. He is also staying up a lot later than before. This past week, his friend Brendan came by and took him to a party. The party was for Matt McMichael. Matt, Brendan and Paul played in a band together in high school and Paul gained a lot of his skills during that time. Matt is an excellent guitarist and he helped Paul a lot. It was the first time that Paul has gone to a party since his accident. He told Brendan that he would go, but that he probably wouldn't be able to stay long. Brendan said that was okay and came by to get Paul. Brendan has been a great friend to Paul this last year, coming to see him whenever he is back in town from college. They stayed about 30 minutes and Paul really enjoyed seeing some of his friends again. The next day, Paul was playing the piano again and talking about music theory to his dad. It is one area Paul still remembers very well. I think that is because he was with his friends who had shared so much music with him, he was showing the interest again. He doesn't want to play the guitar yet. We don't know if it is because he gets so frustrated or if he really doesn't have the same amount of interest, which is what he tells us. Time will tell if Paul will get back to his music or not. I am sure if God intends it, Paul will be led.
There were a couple of days where Paul was going to have to be home by himself for a few hours. It brought to light the fact that Paul does indeed have a deficiency in the area of initiation. If he does not have someone getting him up and suggesting he eat, he would not do it. He has to have a written schedule or verbal instructions to get to the next task. He will follow the schedule to the tee, but he does not seem to be able to figure out what he should do next. We heard early on, while he was at Shepherd Center that the areas most impacted in his accident would be memory (short term) and initiation. That is proving to be correct. He can remember the most minute things from his past, but can't always remember if he ate lunch, or if he took his last dose of medicine. He also asks us what we think he would like to eat, if we are out at a restuarant. He will ask what we are ordering, will ask if he has had it before and if he liked it. It seems as if he is not able to remember how things tasted. This only happens when we go out to eat. One thing he definitely remembers and that is that he really dislikes cantaloupe. I can't fool him by telling him he used to love it. He will say adamantly, "You are mistaken. I never liked cantaloupe."
His memory of words is also affected. He asks us often what a word means while we are talking, or he is reading. It is usually words he would not have used often, or slang words. Some words I am surprised he doesn't remember. Once we give him the definition he has full recall of it and then won't have to ask us again. He can always spell the words correctly, but just doesn't remember their meaning. One thing he has started to do again and that is make variations on words. He used to do this before the accident. For example, someone started to say our last name as 'Fideho'(pronounced Fidayho). Paul immediately started to say 'whoops-a-dayho' when he would drop something or make a mistake. He has always like to have fun with words and change them around. He is doing that again, in an even more exaggerated way. Sometimes it is very clever and funny, other times, it is child like.
Jon and I were talking about how much Paul has changed. We are not sure how much is permanent. We have been told that the healing process will take years and our hope is that his maturity level will improve. He has a good, basic knowledge and understanding of most things. His intellect is far better than we first thought. We were thinking back to a year ago and how his inability to swallow, talk, walk and eat were severely handicapped. He has come such a long way, but we know too that he has a long way to go. Anything is possible - with lots of possibilities becoming the reality. I don't know if that truth is just finally sinking in for us, or that we are just plain fatigued. We seem to have reached an emotional low in these past few weeks. We have not lost our trust in God, who will bring us all that we need to follow His way. But there is no denying we hit a very low point. I am sure that the stress has taken its toll on our family in ways we were not prepared for and maybe now that we have come this far along, we finally have more time to reflect on how our lives have been changed. I have a much better understanding about the saying that traumatic events can either make or break families, marriages, relationships. And believe me, our family has been stretched very thin emotionally. Seeing the signs of that strain through these past few weeks had me feeling that possibly we were not going to be able to stand up to the test. It made me feel such sorrow that I had not been able to help each of my children hold up better. I realized that all my attentions were so focused on Paul, I had not really been available for my other sons. We had put their needs on hold and I am sure it seemed to them they had been shut out. We have all been hurting this past year in our separate ways and each of us have gone off in our own directions, trying to hold on and mend emotionally. Then the feast of the Holy Family came and in hearing the readings and gospel of that day, it was as if God was speaking directly to us. I realized that we needed to improve in our ability to draw together. We need to face the realities of how our lives have been changed and take time to talk to each other again.
From the Magnificat prayerbook:
"The family is the privileged setting where every person learns to give and receive love. The family is an intermediate institution between individuals and society, and nothing can completely take its place. The family is a necessary good for peoples, and indispensable foundation for society and a great and lifelong treasure for couples. It is unique good for children, who are meant to be the fruit of the love, of the total and generous self-giving of their parents. The family is also a school which enables men and women to grow to the full measure of their humanity."
Pope Benedict wrote, "O God, who in the Holy Family, left us a perfect model of family life lived in faith and obedience to your will, help us to be examples of faith and love for your commandments."
From Pope John Paul II - "In a world that is becoming ever more secularized, the great task of the believing family is to become conscious of its own vocation and mission. In every circumstance, the starting point for this work is to safeguard and intensify PRAYER, AN UNCEASING PRAYER TO THE LORD to increase one's faith and make it more vigorous. It is true that when one goes through difficult times, the support of science can be of great help, but nothing can replace an ardent, personal and confidant faith that is open to the Lord, who said, "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy burdened and I will give you rest" (MT 11:28). The indispensable source of energy and renewal, when frailty and weakness increase, is the encounter with the living Christ, Lord of the Covenant. This is why you must develop an intense spiritual life and open your soul to the Word of life. In the depths of the heart the voice of God must be heard; even if at times it seems to be silent, in reality it resounds continually in the heart and acoompanies us along the path that can have its burden of sorrow. We must never forget what is essential, namely, to live in the family under the tender and merciful gaze of God."
With all the publications of useful 'New Year's Resolutions' - this is the one that spoke to my heart. It was so timely, since I saw and experienced the signs that our family was not holding up together very well under the burden of this past year. It also drew into sharp relief the fact that we had dropped the practice of daily family prayers and the rosary and going to the sacrament of reconciliation as a family. We had let life start to dictate what would happen each day, as we basically were reacting to it, rather than centering ourselves daily in Christ, then proceed according to His will. Jon and I have started to get to Adoration as often as we can, but have not made the 6:30 AM Mass a priority again. There is no reason we can't go, so we have decided to start our day together and with Christ as our guide. I asked myself what changes need to be made to swing the family pendulum back to the side of holiness and daily prayer is the answer. The first and foremost answer. Then, we need to carve out the time to listen to all of our sons and strive to make the present situation with Paul more of a win-win situation for our WHOLE family. I took the advice I learned on the feast of the Holy Family and prayed to God with my whole heart for the help we needed to turn us all around so that we would be a support for each other again, in love and prayerfulness.
Jon and I sat and talked in great length about the problems we have and the possible solutions. We started with the fact that Paul has become the 'tail that wags the dog'. Through no fault of his own, we have developed the habit of allowing his every move to dictate our actions and reactions. We have loved well, but not wisely. I am sure our behavior is like everyone else - we have been so happy he is alive, we have catered to his every need. What we have done is contributed more to his being an invalid child than a more full and functional adult.
So yesterday morning, after a small battle getting him to eat breakfast after church, we told him to pick out 2 chores from the list we made up for him. He not only did them, he helped get the Christmas tree (which was unfortunately, prematurely dead) out of the house, vacuumed up the needles and drove with his dad to the fire station to recycle the tree! We hugged him and congratulated him on the jobs well done. He then helped me go through some containers of his clothes, deciding what he liked and didn't like, so we could recycle them. He and Jon then threw the frisbee in the front yard and Paul did really well with it, catching it more than missing it. We all got a good laugh when Paul stood in the next yard over and told Jon to be ready for a 'long throw'. The frisbee sailed up high and then landed on the roof. Jon called over to Paul and said, "Well that will about do it! You win!" Paul was laughing so hard and came over to his dad and put his arm around his shoulder as they both looked up at the stranded frisbee. Later, as I continued the process of clearing out some stuff from the garage I came across a basketball. I threw it to Paul and asked him to get some more excercise. He and Jon started a warm up of bouncing it back and forth to each other, then Paul started down the front sidewalk of the house and was dribbling it and then bounced it between his legs, from behind, and caught it as it came in front of him! Jon and I asked him to do it again and he did it very smoothly. It was so much fun to see him put in a full day like this. He went on to help get the table set for dinner, as Anne and Jerry came by for New Year's day dinner. Since we had been cleaning the closet, Paul came across a poker table top he had made for his dorm and he asked if he could bring it in and put it on the kitchen table. We set it up and all played Texas Hold'Em! Paul was completely in charge of the game and the rules and was able to tell us pretty much what we had. He knew when we were bluffing because of how we bet, and by the cards showing on the table! I remembered he had tried to teach Jon and I a couple of years ago, how to read the signs of people's actions, betting habits, and use the information of the cards played, to win this game. He was very good at playing and I knew he had won a good amount of money at it. It was something I had actually been afraid he would start to do seriously. Later on, it seemed like he was not talking about it as much and I asked him if he was still playing for money. He said that he started to realize he was becoming somewhat addicted to it and backed off from playing. He had won a good amount of money, but realized it was a bad habit for him to get into. I was so relieved to hear him say it - without us having to counsel him about it. Playing with him last night showed he knew exactly what he was doing and he was very aware of what we were all doing! Thank goodness we were only using chips. Jon and I didn't fare very well.
He finally went to bed around 11 PM and had not complained much about his headaches. Our hope is that we can continue to get a lot more out of him and not fall back in our expectations of him - move him past the mental state of thinking he is an invalid. Mike watched it all with less surprise than I thought he would have. Later, when he and I were having a late night 'one on one' he said he knew all along that Paul was capable of more, and felt we were 'babying' him too much. I told him that we were going to start 2007 with more prayer and more involvement from all of our sons. We had a long talk about how we realized we had isolated ourselves in the care of Paul and that we had neglected to include Mike in many ways. We have some bad habits to iron out and for Paul, it won't come easy. One thing Paul does have is a very strong opinion about everything! His inability to stay totally rational about things has caused some tough times for us. I know that our faith and trust in the love of God will help us get through it all. One day at a time.
We pray that the New Year will be blessed and that God will keep us all awake and watchful. May we all recognize His real presence in every moment of our lives, through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Thank you for supporting us in so many ways as we struggle on our path.
Thank you for allowing Jesus to work through you.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Do You Know What I Know?
I still am having a tough time fitting everything into my day. I am sure I am not the Lone Ranger either! This is the worst time of year for claim adjusters, since everyone is out driving with preoccupied minds and hectic schedules. Hence, I have not been able to keep you updated.
The Friday before Christmas, Mike and James actually came home because of the frantic driving by too many people rushing around to get those last gifts. I was working and it made me feel even more nervous about the fact that I had not had the time to do much shopping at all and had so much ahead of me to do. I knew my weekend would be full and not in the way I had hoped. I had a more reflective and quiet weekend in mind. As it turned out, I was actually blessed a bit in the fact that there were very few people out at the stores on Saturday and I accomplished much. On Sunday, we did what Fr. Paddy suggested we do in those final hours of Advent -sit with the family at a meal and just be together as a way to finish Advent. My brother Keith and his wife Kelly were in town with their children. My sister Beverly's children were all home (her son had time off from the Army base in Germany and her daughter was home from college in Colorado............not even the blizzard that hit there last week kept her away). We all met at a restaurant and relaxed. It was a wonderful and peaceful time for us all. Unfortunately, Jon and I then had to hit the ground running to get some things done for the next day.
Christmas Eve was the most unusual one ever for me. I was anticipating a joyful night filled with activities with family. We decided to go to the 5 PM Mass so that Paul would be able to stay up with us for awhile that night. We knew our usual routine of midnight Mass was not going to work. I was disappointed about it, but the homily by Fr. Joseph was very helpful and in hindsight, I believe it was what God wanted me to hear. He talked about how we all picture what Christmas Day SHOULD be like. The old Currier and Ives pictures of beautiful snow covering the ground and families all together in homes where the fireplace casts a soft glow over everything - peaceful, loving scenes. I had been hoping and anticipating what would certainly be the most joyous occasion for our family, since we were not going to have to drive downtown and get Paul from a hospital for just a few hours. He was home with us. He was talking, walking and understanding everything around him. My anticipation level was very, very high.
After Mass, Paul's head was pounding. I realized that we had missed his afternoon prescriptions and he was now suffering because of it. I was so angry at myself because of the pain this caused Paul and then secondly, because it meant that we could not go to my sister's house, where everyone would be together. I still had a lot of wrapping to do, since I had purchased 85% of the gifts the day before. I told my sons and husband to go on over and be with everyone at Bev's house since my brother and sister in law had gone to a lot of trouble getting down here from Chicago to be with everyone. I would stay with Paul and finish all the last minute details. Later that night, around 9:00, I was cleaning the kitchen and getting the trash out. All of a sudden, I was struck with the disappointment of it all. I felt very alone, because here I was, out in the dark night of Christmas Eve, taking out the trash. I had not had any dinner and I was so incredibly tired.... a really bad combination for me. I started to cry about how all the scenes I had pictured in my head were not playing out at all. All the things I had hoped to do with my sons, all the baking I had hoped to get done, all the moments of shared love, laughter and quiet talks/moments with my family - I had not been able to do any of it due to the escalation of my workload in the prior weeks, getting the house decorated and finally getting the gifts purchased. Jon and the boys were in the same boat and about the only conversation, as we all ran around in our separate directions,was to say where we were going next as we passed each other coming in and out. And now....I was all alone with my disappointment. It was the first time ever that I was all alone on Christmas Eve. So many of the wonderful scenes from years before with my sons, started to flash through my mind and I was so beaten down and sad. I stood out there crying, feeling so sorry for myself. The weight of the whole past year was felt in that moment. I could not stop crying, as I let all the stress, sadness, pressure, and worries of the past months flow out. Then it also started to rain. Just perfect! (Hollywood could not have choreographed it better!) After about 5 minutes, I stopped and just stood there, feeling the cold breeze that was blowing. I started to pray to God to help me get past this very depressing moment in my life because I really had so much to be thankful for - I really did. Paul was still home, he was still capable of doing so many things and we still had so much to be hopeful about. I still had God's love! I just felt such loneliness inside of me in that moment. Almost instantly, the thoughts poured into my head that Blessed Mother Mary must have felt so much worse. She too must have felt alone as she and Joseph traveled to Bethlehem. She must have felt all alone when Jesus was born. Christ the King was being born and she was all alone. As Jesus was born, only Joseph was by her side. This thought really impacted me and I could not help but remember, once again, that I was being allowed to feel a little bit of what Mary must have felt. Even though she is the Mother of God, she is human too. She must have felt fear, loneliness and sorrow in the days before and after the birth of Jesus. The most joyous time in a mother's life - the birth of her first born child - and Mary was without her family. Oh, the huge amount of worries that must have filled the hearts of Joseph and Mary as they realized what they had said 'yes' to and what would lie ahead of them.
I thanked God out loud for helping me put my own feelings into perspective and then I talked to Our Blessed Mother for a few moments more. After a little bit, I remembered that there had been 'angels on high' that Christmas and that they must have brought joy to Joseph and Mary. The joy from heaven above! Only heaven can provide that kind of joy. That lonely night surely must have been turned into a glorious and heavenly sight! I smiled as I thought about the angels in the night sky and looked up and thanked God for helping me 'contemplate' that Christmas Eve so long ago. I turned around and the garage light was behind the seasonal flag I had hanging. It is an angel flag. It was illuminated by the light that was behind it and there was misting rain which could be seen falling in the light glow. It was a very pretty sight and I laughed and thanked God for bringing an 'angel' into my night sky. His love endures forever.
When I was back inside, I understood more clearly the words of Fr. Joseph's homily. He said that Christmas is everywhere and it has occurred - no matter what the situation we were in. The fact remains that Emmanuel - "God with us" is the simple truth, no matter what our circumstance. Whether our Christmas was being spent in illness, poverty, disrupption, broken families, death,homelessness - God is with us - in the Child Jesus. My vision of what Christmas was 'supposed' to be did not happen as scripted by me. God's script became known by me. We are never alone, even for those who don't know God and His love. My heart aches for those who don't know that truth. How TRULY, TRULY lonely they must feel.
Do you know what I know? I pray you do.
Jon and the boys came home and they stayed up with me until 3:00 AM as we finished everything. I shared with them what had happened to me earlier in the evening. It was the GOOD NEWS that God asks us to share with our world - JOY TO THE WORLD, THE LORD HAS COME. LET EARTH RECEIVE HER KING. LET EVERY HEART, PREPARE HIM ROOM.
We got up at 6:30 AM and in our pajamas, with hot coffee in hand, we drove over to Bev's house with all our gifts and joined them on that awesome Christmas morning. And Paul was with us. And the best part??? We were surprised with the news that Bev's first grandchild will be born in July. My niece, Becca (I am her Godmother and she is named after me)is having her first child in July! No one knew except Becca and her husband Zach and Bev's daughter Courtney. The noise that occurred in the moments after Beverly opened the gift that had a picture of the baby (sonogram) in a frame that said 'EXPECTING' - well I am sure the neighbors had to have heard us all shouting with joy!
Jon and I went to Adoration from 5-6 PM. As I sat there immersed in the knowledge that the birth of Jesus is our greatest gift, I fell asleep! Jon said I started to breathe really deeply and peacefully and I have to say - 15 minutes later I woke up and felt very rested. May the peace of Jesus Christ be in your hearts and bring you rest.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
The Friday before Christmas, Mike and James actually came home because of the frantic driving by too many people rushing around to get those last gifts. I was working and it made me feel even more nervous about the fact that I had not had the time to do much shopping at all and had so much ahead of me to do. I knew my weekend would be full and not in the way I had hoped. I had a more reflective and quiet weekend in mind. As it turned out, I was actually blessed a bit in the fact that there were very few people out at the stores on Saturday and I accomplished much. On Sunday, we did what Fr. Paddy suggested we do in those final hours of Advent -sit with the family at a meal and just be together as a way to finish Advent. My brother Keith and his wife Kelly were in town with their children. My sister Beverly's children were all home (her son had time off from the Army base in Germany and her daughter was home from college in Colorado............not even the blizzard that hit there last week kept her away). We all met at a restaurant and relaxed. It was a wonderful and peaceful time for us all. Unfortunately, Jon and I then had to hit the ground running to get some things done for the next day.
Christmas Eve was the most unusual one ever for me. I was anticipating a joyful night filled with activities with family. We decided to go to the 5 PM Mass so that Paul would be able to stay up with us for awhile that night. We knew our usual routine of midnight Mass was not going to work. I was disappointed about it, but the homily by Fr. Joseph was very helpful and in hindsight, I believe it was what God wanted me to hear. He talked about how we all picture what Christmas Day SHOULD be like. The old Currier and Ives pictures of beautiful snow covering the ground and families all together in homes where the fireplace casts a soft glow over everything - peaceful, loving scenes. I had been hoping and anticipating what would certainly be the most joyous occasion for our family, since we were not going to have to drive downtown and get Paul from a hospital for just a few hours. He was home with us. He was talking, walking and understanding everything around him. My anticipation level was very, very high.
After Mass, Paul's head was pounding. I realized that we had missed his afternoon prescriptions and he was now suffering because of it. I was so angry at myself because of the pain this caused Paul and then secondly, because it meant that we could not go to my sister's house, where everyone would be together. I still had a lot of wrapping to do, since I had purchased 85% of the gifts the day before. I told my sons and husband to go on over and be with everyone at Bev's house since my brother and sister in law had gone to a lot of trouble getting down here from Chicago to be with everyone. I would stay with Paul and finish all the last minute details. Later that night, around 9:00, I was cleaning the kitchen and getting the trash out. All of a sudden, I was struck with the disappointment of it all. I felt very alone, because here I was, out in the dark night of Christmas Eve, taking out the trash. I had not had any dinner and I was so incredibly tired.... a really bad combination for me. I started to cry about how all the scenes I had pictured in my head were not playing out at all. All the things I had hoped to do with my sons, all the baking I had hoped to get done, all the moments of shared love, laughter and quiet talks/moments with my family - I had not been able to do any of it due to the escalation of my workload in the prior weeks, getting the house decorated and finally getting the gifts purchased. Jon and the boys were in the same boat and about the only conversation, as we all ran around in our separate directions,was to say where we were going next as we passed each other coming in and out. And now....I was all alone with my disappointment. It was the first time ever that I was all alone on Christmas Eve. So many of the wonderful scenes from years before with my sons, started to flash through my mind and I was so beaten down and sad. I stood out there crying, feeling so sorry for myself. The weight of the whole past year was felt in that moment. I could not stop crying, as I let all the stress, sadness, pressure, and worries of the past months flow out. Then it also started to rain. Just perfect! (Hollywood could not have choreographed it better!) After about 5 minutes, I stopped and just stood there, feeling the cold breeze that was blowing. I started to pray to God to help me get past this very depressing moment in my life because I really had so much to be thankful for - I really did. Paul was still home, he was still capable of doing so many things and we still had so much to be hopeful about. I still had God's love! I just felt such loneliness inside of me in that moment. Almost instantly, the thoughts poured into my head that Blessed Mother Mary must have felt so much worse. She too must have felt alone as she and Joseph traveled to Bethlehem. She must have felt all alone when Jesus was born. Christ the King was being born and she was all alone. As Jesus was born, only Joseph was by her side. This thought really impacted me and I could not help but remember, once again, that I was being allowed to feel a little bit of what Mary must have felt. Even though she is the Mother of God, she is human too. She must have felt fear, loneliness and sorrow in the days before and after the birth of Jesus. The most joyous time in a mother's life - the birth of her first born child - and Mary was without her family. Oh, the huge amount of worries that must have filled the hearts of Joseph and Mary as they realized what they had said 'yes' to and what would lie ahead of them.
I thanked God out loud for helping me put my own feelings into perspective and then I talked to Our Blessed Mother for a few moments more. After a little bit, I remembered that there had been 'angels on high' that Christmas and that they must have brought joy to Joseph and Mary. The joy from heaven above! Only heaven can provide that kind of joy. That lonely night surely must have been turned into a glorious and heavenly sight! I smiled as I thought about the angels in the night sky and looked up and thanked God for helping me 'contemplate' that Christmas Eve so long ago. I turned around and the garage light was behind the seasonal flag I had hanging. It is an angel flag. It was illuminated by the light that was behind it and there was misting rain which could be seen falling in the light glow. It was a very pretty sight and I laughed and thanked God for bringing an 'angel' into my night sky. His love endures forever.
When I was back inside, I understood more clearly the words of Fr. Joseph's homily. He said that Christmas is everywhere and it has occurred - no matter what the situation we were in. The fact remains that Emmanuel - "God with us" is the simple truth, no matter what our circumstance. Whether our Christmas was being spent in illness, poverty, disrupption, broken families, death,homelessness - God is with us - in the Child Jesus. My vision of what Christmas was 'supposed' to be did not happen as scripted by me. God's script became known by me. We are never alone, even for those who don't know God and His love. My heart aches for those who don't know that truth. How TRULY, TRULY lonely they must feel.
Do you know what I know? I pray you do.
Jon and the boys came home and they stayed up with me until 3:00 AM as we finished everything. I shared with them what had happened to me earlier in the evening. It was the GOOD NEWS that God asks us to share with our world - JOY TO THE WORLD, THE LORD HAS COME. LET EARTH RECEIVE HER KING. LET EVERY HEART, PREPARE HIM ROOM.
We got up at 6:30 AM and in our pajamas, with hot coffee in hand, we drove over to Bev's house with all our gifts and joined them on that awesome Christmas morning. And Paul was with us. And the best part??? We were surprised with the news that Bev's first grandchild will be born in July. My niece, Becca (I am her Godmother and she is named after me)is having her first child in July! No one knew except Becca and her husband Zach and Bev's daughter Courtney. The noise that occurred in the moments after Beverly opened the gift that had a picture of the baby (sonogram) in a frame that said 'EXPECTING' - well I am sure the neighbors had to have heard us all shouting with joy!
Jon and I went to Adoration from 5-6 PM. As I sat there immersed in the knowledge that the birth of Jesus is our greatest gift, I fell asleep! Jon said I started to breathe really deeply and peacefully and I have to say - 15 minutes later I woke up and felt very rested. May the peace of Jesus Christ be in your hearts and bring you rest.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Friday, December 15, 2006
Do You Hear What I Hear?
First of all, I apologize for not getting any news onto the blog yesterday. The internet connection was not working at the hotel at all. I tried it up to the last minute before we left to come home. We really wanted to share our news with you!
Paul woke up on Wednesday in good spirits. I believe he was looking forward to hopefully getting someone's help with his headaches. He understood that the test was a way to start the process of finding some solutions. He was very alert and talkative before the spinal tap test. The doctor came and talked to us, explaining again what they hoped to find or rule out. He said that they were going to try to determine if there was the issue of low pressure, which would be caused possibly by a leak of brain fluid. He asked Paul a lot of questions and Paul understood them all and answered them. After that, they prepped Paul and were about to roll him away. I made the sign of the cross on is head and he took my hand, and looking right at me said, "please pray for me." After they rolled him away, Jon, Jerry and I prayed the Glorious mysteries of the rosary. About 1 1/2 hours later they brought him back. We thought he might be wiped out, but he was still very alert. I asked if it had hurt and he said "Yeah, it was really bad. They had to stick me almost 8 times before it worked." I was incredulous and said, "Oh no, how awful!" He laughed a little and said he had been kidding. It went just fine. He ate some food, and when the nurse asked him if he wanted something to drink, he asked what they had. She said it would be good for him to have something with caffeine so that the dye would be flushed out of his system more quickly. He asked her what she would drink in this situation and she said a diet Coke. He said, "Then I will have a Coke, but not diet." He has done that a couple of times, where he will ask the medical professional what they would do if they had to make the decision. Then he makes up his mind. I wonder if it is because he wants an opinion other than his mother's! He doesn't always believe me when I ask him to do something that will help him, like drink 8 cups of water a day, or take vitamins, or stay with healthy food. He has even said he thinks I just make things up just to get him to eat all that 'organic' stuff. (I knew I was going to have a tough ride when the feeding tube was taken out..............he still wants to eat fast food everyday!)
When the doctor came in, he said that the test showed there was a probable leak from a hole in the orbital at the inner corner of the left eye, about where Paul's eyebrow starts. It appears to be an intermitent leak. He said that the other area of concern, the break in the basal (spelling?) area (the base of the brain floor) was definitely healed and there was no leak seen. That was the best news, as that would have required a far more serious kind of brain surgery. He explained that he will have a plastic surgeon who has a lot of experience with reconstructive surgery, review the tests taken so far and they will schedule the needed surgery to repair the hole and do the reconstructive surgery of the orbit (which still needs a lot of work). He then said that since Paul had done so well with the spinal tap, and since we had come from Atlanta, he was going to do the shuntgram as well. That was the original test they had wanted to do, but felt the spinal tap was more urgent. They would be able to do the shuntgram at 2:30 PM, so they released Paul at 11:30 and we went back to the hotel and had something to eat. We were all able to get a little rest and then we went back. The shuntgram was done to see if the shunt is actually working. They put a small amount of low radioactive material in the reservoir of the shunt and then watch the monitor to see the flow of brain fluid in the shunt. Dr. McLanahan first tested the pressure in Paul's brain and it was normal. He said that he believes it fluctuates up and down based on the activity level, but that the leak plays a part in causing low pressure. As suspicioned, the shunt is not functioning properly. The radioactive material never moved out of the reservoir. The pressure in the brain is not enough to open the valve of the shunt. The doctor thinks that throughout the day, when pressure builds, the shunt may fluctuate between overdraining and underdraining over the course of days. He was pleased to see that the fluid sample he took was very clear.
The doctor said that they will probably do the surgery and will also keep Paul for extra days to do a test of the shunt outside of the brain. They would force fluid into the brain to see if the brain can absorb it on its own. If it does, there is a possibility that Paul would not need a shunt. He said that the issue of the enlarged ventricles is also a complication of its own and he would be working to solve that problem. He is going to review all the tests with some other doctors and would call us with his results and suggestions. He also said something about the possibility of Paul having some work done on the inner ear and seeing if hearing could be restored. He had asked Paul if he could hear anything out of his left ear and Paul said only a very little. We asked the doctor to put together the team of doctors needed to restore whatever is possible. He said he knows of a doctor who has done some very impressive work with the facial nerves and he would consult him on this case. We believe we finally have someone who is looking at the whole picture and is willing to help Paul find a more full recovery. We left the hospital with a cautious optimism! Jon, Jerry and I could not quit talking about all the hopeful things that had happened and prayed with Paul that night that God's hand would lead the doctor in his research. Paul ate a huge dinner and was almost giddy with the news he had heard that day! While we are beginning another stage in our long walk, we trust God is with us.
The best news of all was on our way home. Jerry had given Paul his iPod to listen to a song and Paul put the earplug into his left ear. Jerry was wondering why he did that but didn't say anything. Paul fidgeted with the volume, then he pulled out the plug and said excitedly, "Mom, Mom, you won't believe what happened!" I was driving and just glanced back for a moment and asked him what it was. He said he had put the plug in his left ear and he didn't hear anything, then moved the volume up a little, and heard a tiny bit of noise. He then increased the volume again and he could kind of hear the music. He heard the noise from the car and road, so he put his finger in his right ear to block out the other noises and he could actually hear the words of the song........IN HIS LEFT EAR. He was laughing as he talked, he was so happy. I wanted so much to hug him! We were all very excited about it. (Late last night, we tested it again and he could hear words I spoke into his left ear!) If nothing else were to come of these past few days, the level of joy and hope they restored in us has been a wonderful gift. There was more than ONE breadcrumb dropped on our path, leading us along!!! God has not failed me once in this past year, helping me keep my faith and trust in Him. He helps us in our times of need and provides us so many joyful moments. I would not trade away any lessoned learned or the pain experienced gaining the lesson. It has only increased my love and dependence on God, which is the simple lesson!
The first stop for us when we came into the neighborhood was to pick up Abby from the Hufford's house. Paul was not going to allow us to go home first! We pulled into their driveway and within seconds Abby came charging outside. She loves Paul so much and he could not make his love for her anymore evident. Then Anne drove by on her way to our house to pick up some of her mail, so she pulled into the driveway. Our son Jon had just called me at that moment to get the news also. It was a very fun and lively homecoming. Paul got on the cellphone to tell Jon about what had happened with his ear. He was laughing and enjoying the moment with his brother, his dog at his side, while surrounded by family and friends. God's love so visible in that moment!
I was outside yesterday evening, when we got home and I was trying to get the Pansies planted that I had purchased weeks ago. They were in pretty bad shape and I had promised Jon I would not allow $60 worth of flowers die! While I was planting them, our neighbors, Ron and Connie came home and of course, wanted to know how it went. Connie said she had been checking the blog all day and was hoping it was not bad news that kept us from posting anything! Our other neighbor Barb came over also and I told them everything that had happened. It was so wonderful to personally share our joyful news with these special people.
Paul got up this morning and the level of joy is still with him. He left the house with his dad and Jerry to go to morning Mass as I got ready to leave for work. I could hear them all laughing as the door shut.
Another day for us all to share the love of God with our brothers and sisters in Christ!
May His love lift you in spirit and lead you to your highest good.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
(I've got some pictures to post, but unfortunately what I don't have is the time! Will do it later tonight.)
Paul woke up on Wednesday in good spirits. I believe he was looking forward to hopefully getting someone's help with his headaches. He understood that the test was a way to start the process of finding some solutions. He was very alert and talkative before the spinal tap test. The doctor came and talked to us, explaining again what they hoped to find or rule out. He said that they were going to try to determine if there was the issue of low pressure, which would be caused possibly by a leak of brain fluid. He asked Paul a lot of questions and Paul understood them all and answered them. After that, they prepped Paul and were about to roll him away. I made the sign of the cross on is head and he took my hand, and looking right at me said, "please pray for me." After they rolled him away, Jon, Jerry and I prayed the Glorious mysteries of the rosary. About 1 1/2 hours later they brought him back. We thought he might be wiped out, but he was still very alert. I asked if it had hurt and he said "Yeah, it was really bad. They had to stick me almost 8 times before it worked." I was incredulous and said, "Oh no, how awful!" He laughed a little and said he had been kidding. It went just fine. He ate some food, and when the nurse asked him if he wanted something to drink, he asked what they had. She said it would be good for him to have something with caffeine so that the dye would be flushed out of his system more quickly. He asked her what she would drink in this situation and she said a diet Coke. He said, "Then I will have a Coke, but not diet." He has done that a couple of times, where he will ask the medical professional what they would do if they had to make the decision. Then he makes up his mind. I wonder if it is because he wants an opinion other than his mother's! He doesn't always believe me when I ask him to do something that will help him, like drink 8 cups of water a day, or take vitamins, or stay with healthy food. He has even said he thinks I just make things up just to get him to eat all that 'organic' stuff. (I knew I was going to have a tough ride when the feeding tube was taken out..............he still wants to eat fast food everyday!)
When the doctor came in, he said that the test showed there was a probable leak from a hole in the orbital at the inner corner of the left eye, about where Paul's eyebrow starts. It appears to be an intermitent leak. He said that the other area of concern, the break in the basal (spelling?) area (the base of the brain floor) was definitely healed and there was no leak seen. That was the best news, as that would have required a far more serious kind of brain surgery. He explained that he will have a plastic surgeon who has a lot of experience with reconstructive surgery, review the tests taken so far and they will schedule the needed surgery to repair the hole and do the reconstructive surgery of the orbit (which still needs a lot of work). He then said that since Paul had done so well with the spinal tap, and since we had come from Atlanta, he was going to do the shuntgram as well. That was the original test they had wanted to do, but felt the spinal tap was more urgent. They would be able to do the shuntgram at 2:30 PM, so they released Paul at 11:30 and we went back to the hotel and had something to eat. We were all able to get a little rest and then we went back. The shuntgram was done to see if the shunt is actually working. They put a small amount of low radioactive material in the reservoir of the shunt and then watch the monitor to see the flow of brain fluid in the shunt. Dr. McLanahan first tested the pressure in Paul's brain and it was normal. He said that he believes it fluctuates up and down based on the activity level, but that the leak plays a part in causing low pressure. As suspicioned, the shunt is not functioning properly. The radioactive material never moved out of the reservoir. The pressure in the brain is not enough to open the valve of the shunt. The doctor thinks that throughout the day, when pressure builds, the shunt may fluctuate between overdraining and underdraining over the course of days. He was pleased to see that the fluid sample he took was very clear.
The doctor said that they will probably do the surgery and will also keep Paul for extra days to do a test of the shunt outside of the brain. They would force fluid into the brain to see if the brain can absorb it on its own. If it does, there is a possibility that Paul would not need a shunt. He said that the issue of the enlarged ventricles is also a complication of its own and he would be working to solve that problem. He is going to review all the tests with some other doctors and would call us with his results and suggestions. He also said something about the possibility of Paul having some work done on the inner ear and seeing if hearing could be restored. He had asked Paul if he could hear anything out of his left ear and Paul said only a very little. We asked the doctor to put together the team of doctors needed to restore whatever is possible. He said he knows of a doctor who has done some very impressive work with the facial nerves and he would consult him on this case. We believe we finally have someone who is looking at the whole picture and is willing to help Paul find a more full recovery. We left the hospital with a cautious optimism! Jon, Jerry and I could not quit talking about all the hopeful things that had happened and prayed with Paul that night that God's hand would lead the doctor in his research. Paul ate a huge dinner and was almost giddy with the news he had heard that day! While we are beginning another stage in our long walk, we trust God is with us.
The best news of all was on our way home. Jerry had given Paul his iPod to listen to a song and Paul put the earplug into his left ear. Jerry was wondering why he did that but didn't say anything. Paul fidgeted with the volume, then he pulled out the plug and said excitedly, "Mom, Mom, you won't believe what happened!" I was driving and just glanced back for a moment and asked him what it was. He said he had put the plug in his left ear and he didn't hear anything, then moved the volume up a little, and heard a tiny bit of noise. He then increased the volume again and he could kind of hear the music. He heard the noise from the car and road, so he put his finger in his right ear to block out the other noises and he could actually hear the words of the song........IN HIS LEFT EAR. He was laughing as he talked, he was so happy. I wanted so much to hug him! We were all very excited about it. (Late last night, we tested it again and he could hear words I spoke into his left ear!) If nothing else were to come of these past few days, the level of joy and hope they restored in us has been a wonderful gift. There was more than ONE breadcrumb dropped on our path, leading us along!!! God has not failed me once in this past year, helping me keep my faith and trust in Him. He helps us in our times of need and provides us so many joyful moments. I would not trade away any lessoned learned or the pain experienced gaining the lesson. It has only increased my love and dependence on God, which is the simple lesson!
The first stop for us when we came into the neighborhood was to pick up Abby from the Hufford's house. Paul was not going to allow us to go home first! We pulled into their driveway and within seconds Abby came charging outside. She loves Paul so much and he could not make his love for her anymore evident. Then Anne drove by on her way to our house to pick up some of her mail, so she pulled into the driveway. Our son Jon had just called me at that moment to get the news also. It was a very fun and lively homecoming. Paul got on the cellphone to tell Jon about what had happened with his ear. He was laughing and enjoying the moment with his brother, his dog at his side, while surrounded by family and friends. God's love so visible in that moment!
I was outside yesterday evening, when we got home and I was trying to get the Pansies planted that I had purchased weeks ago. They were in pretty bad shape and I had promised Jon I would not allow $60 worth of flowers die! While I was planting them, our neighbors, Ron and Connie came home and of course, wanted to know how it went. Connie said she had been checking the blog all day and was hoping it was not bad news that kept us from posting anything! Our other neighbor Barb came over also and I told them everything that had happened. It was so wonderful to personally share our joyful news with these special people.
Paul got up this morning and the level of joy is still with him. He left the house with his dad and Jerry to go to morning Mass as I got ready to leave for work. I could hear them all laughing as the door shut.
Another day for us all to share the love of God with our brothers and sisters in Christ!
May His love lift you in spirit and lead you to your highest good.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
(I've got some pictures to post, but unfortunately what I don't have is the time! Will do it later tonight.)
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Do You See What I See?
Today is the feast day of St. Lucy. Her name means 'light', with the same root as 'lucid', which means clear, radiant, understandable. We are in Charlotte this morning at Carolina Medical Center, where they will do the test that will help determine if there is a leak of brain fluid. We are so prayerful and hopeful that this test will shed some 'light' on why Paul has such painful headaches around the clock.
He has suffered from a very intense headache now for the past 48 hours and I was so relieved that we had this test scheduled already. We have not been able to do much to help Paul with his pain. Yesterday, he could barely stay awake and was very lethargic. He did not want to eat either. I had to work, so Jerry stayed home with Paul and made sure he drank fluids every hour so that he would not become dehydrated. The drive up here was a long one due to really bad traffic, but when we got here, Paul finally felt like eating. At 10 PM! He was not supposed to eat after midnight, so we got him food and he actually seemed better for awhile. Jerry also came with us in case there were any complications that would require a longer stay at the hospital for Paul. We would then have help with staying around the clock with Paul. Before we went to sleep last night, we all prayed with Paul for about 20 minutes. We had been praying the 9 day novena to Our Lady of Guadalupe, which ended yesterday on the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. We have placed all our trust in God, and remain hopeful that through Blessed Mother Mary's intercession, our prayers will be made perfect before her Son. After we had finished praying last night, I was reading from my Magnificat and realized that today was the feast of St. Lucy. Oh, let there be light! May God in His mercy and kindness lead the doctors today to find the solutions to the headaches that Paul has had to endure since last February.
Today's gospel reading is from the holy Gospel according to Matthew, 11:28-30.
Jesus said to the crowds: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy and my burden light."
The test is at 7:00 AM today. Please pray that all the medical professionals who help Paul today will be led by the Holy Spirit and that they will find an answer to the complications of Paul's brain injury. I know God is helping him be accepting of his pain. He has said it so often that God needs him to do this. Yesterday, before we left, he said that he feels certain that God changed his heart while he was in a coma, because he knows he is different now. He said that God needs him to have his pain and he will keep doing this for God.
I will try to fill you in on this past week later today. We will have a lot of down time while they do the tests and wait for the recovery period.
God bless you all today. We thank you for your prayers. You keep us moving forward. You just don't know the impact of your intercessory prayers.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
He has suffered from a very intense headache now for the past 48 hours and I was so relieved that we had this test scheduled already. We have not been able to do much to help Paul with his pain. Yesterday, he could barely stay awake and was very lethargic. He did not want to eat either. I had to work, so Jerry stayed home with Paul and made sure he drank fluids every hour so that he would not become dehydrated. The drive up here was a long one due to really bad traffic, but when we got here, Paul finally felt like eating. At 10 PM! He was not supposed to eat after midnight, so we got him food and he actually seemed better for awhile. Jerry also came with us in case there were any complications that would require a longer stay at the hospital for Paul. We would then have help with staying around the clock with Paul. Before we went to sleep last night, we all prayed with Paul for about 20 minutes. We had been praying the 9 day novena to Our Lady of Guadalupe, which ended yesterday on the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. We have placed all our trust in God, and remain hopeful that through Blessed Mother Mary's intercession, our prayers will be made perfect before her Son. After we had finished praying last night, I was reading from my Magnificat and realized that today was the feast of St. Lucy. Oh, let there be light! May God in His mercy and kindness lead the doctors today to find the solutions to the headaches that Paul has had to endure since last February.
Today's gospel reading is from the holy Gospel according to Matthew, 11:28-30.
Jesus said to the crowds: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy and my burden light."
The test is at 7:00 AM today. Please pray that all the medical professionals who help Paul today will be led by the Holy Spirit and that they will find an answer to the complications of Paul's brain injury. I know God is helping him be accepting of his pain. He has said it so often that God needs him to do this. Yesterday, before we left, he said that he feels certain that God changed his heart while he was in a coma, because he knows he is different now. He said that God needs him to have his pain and he will keep doing this for God.
I will try to fill you in on this past week later today. We will have a lot of down time while they do the tests and wait for the recovery period.
God bless you all today. We thank you for your prayers. You keep us moving forward. You just don't know the impact of your intercessory prayers.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Blowing in the Wind
Paul is at home and we have an appointment with his primary care physician on Friday afternoon as a follow up to his ER visit yesterday. They did an ultrasound and a CT scan with contrast and they said that they didn't know what was wrong. They ruled out appendicitis, but said we have to watch for peritonitus. We took Paul there because of abdominal pain that was worse when he was up and walking around and he had 2 very sensitive spots he could identify on his lower right side as being very uncomfortable. While he would walk, he would have to stop and would bend over just a bit due to the pain. He had been like this for 3 days. While I am glad we were able to come home, we still have no idea what the problem is. But we have well-developed 'waiting' skills and that is what we will do.
He has a headache today and he said his stomach still hurts. He ate dinner last night without any problems though. He has not wanted to eat today.
I am so hopeful that he will improve and there are no complications, as he has the appointment with his neurosurgeon on Wednesday. They are going to do the cisterogram to rule out a brain fluid leak and we are so hopeful this doctor will be able to find the source of Paul's 24/7 headaches. It is a major stumbling block for him in his gaining back most of his functionality. I pray each day that God's hand will lead us to those who will provide more recovery. I will continue in my trust that that is what God is doing. The things we learn everyday in this process are all part of what God has planned for us. I know it in my heart to be true. And it is always my comfort.
Jerry is getting Paul up and ready for Mass today. We are taking it one step at a time, keeping the pace easy for Paul. He is giving it a great effort.
So, as we enter this day from God, we ask that He bless us all and lead us to our hightest good. From today's reading from Matthew 7:21,
Jesus said to his disciples: "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the Kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Everyone who listens to these words of ine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came and the winds blew and buffeted the house. But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock. And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them will be like a fool who built his house on sand. The rain fell, the floods came and the winds blew and buffeted the house. And it collapsed and was completely ruined."
Another day of 'blowing in the wind' ! I pray for gentle winds and the warmth that is felt from the love of the SON today - for us all.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
He has a headache today and he said his stomach still hurts. He ate dinner last night without any problems though. He has not wanted to eat today.
I am so hopeful that he will improve and there are no complications, as he has the appointment with his neurosurgeon on Wednesday. They are going to do the cisterogram to rule out a brain fluid leak and we are so hopeful this doctor will be able to find the source of Paul's 24/7 headaches. It is a major stumbling block for him in his gaining back most of his functionality. I pray each day that God's hand will lead us to those who will provide more recovery. I will continue in my trust that that is what God is doing. The things we learn everyday in this process are all part of what God has planned for us. I know it in my heart to be true. And it is always my comfort.
Jerry is getting Paul up and ready for Mass today. We are taking it one step at a time, keeping the pace easy for Paul. He is giving it a great effort.
So, as we enter this day from God, we ask that He bless us all and lead us to our hightest good. From today's reading from Matthew 7:21,
Jesus said to his disciples: "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the Kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Everyone who listens to these words of ine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came and the winds blew and buffeted the house. But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock. And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them will be like a fool who built his house on sand. The rain fell, the floods came and the winds blew and buffeted the house. And it collapsed and was completely ruined."
Another day of 'blowing in the wind' ! I pray for gentle winds and the warmth that is felt from the love of the SON today - for us all.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Daily Bread
Tuesday Evening 12/5/06
I wish I had the time to share everything that Paul says and does that keeps me so centered in Jesus! We will be talking and out of the blue, he will say something so spiritual with a serenity that steers me right into the path of God's love. I have found myself dwelling on when Paul will be able to get back into school, or will he ever be free of his headaches, or some other present issue at hand, and then will hear him say something that melts all the stresses away. I don't mean to say I would give up helping him to recover to his fullest, but his thoughts and statements can take the level of stress away.
On Monday, I was driving him to work, and was deep in thought about whether we should see if he could put in more hours each day. I know we need to stretch him mentally, as well as physically. The sky was absolutely brilliant blue and it had wispy clouds that seem to occur with very chilly weather. I was distracted by the beauty and mentioned it to Paul. He chuckled and said "You know, I was just noticing it and was going to say something about it to you." I smiled and then my mind began thinking of how gentle Paul's face looked and then remembered how he had tenderly touched the face of Chris when we visited him last Friday. I told Paul I was so happy we had gone there and thanked him for being so kind and prayerful for Chris. He said it was great, because he knew our family had really been helped by so many people praying. I said that I was most especially touched by how he talked directly to Chris and prayed for a miracle. Paul said, "God had a message for Chris and needed him to know it." I looked over at Paul and said, "What do you mean?" He smiled at me and said, "It isn't like I hear God talking directly to me, but I know when God wants me to share something with someone. I will have thoughts come into my head and then will just know it is something I am supposed to share at that moment. That is why I said those things to Chris." In my head, I said to myself "And you are worrying about what Paul is going to do with his life! Whatever God wants him to do!"
Later that day, I got another 'breadcrumb' from God. I call these little visual signs breadcrumbs, because I sometimes feel like Gretel - following my breadcrumbs along the pathway God intends. I got a Mass card from my son Jon. He said that it was the first Mass available at their church. It is for December 22, 2006. That date is very meaningful for us and I remembered it instantly. Last year, on 11/16/05, Fr. Kevin Peek said Mass for Paul in his hospital room, while Paul was still in a coma. He brought with him the zuchetto (skullcap) worn by Pope John Paul II at a Mass Pope John Paul II celebrated on December 22, 1996! Fr. Peek placed it on Paul's head while Mass was being celebrated. We already had a picture of Pope John Paul II and the Blessed Mother Mary above Paul's head and we had been praying that Pope John Paul would intercede for our son and asked that he pray too that our prayers would answered. We asked Blessed Mother Mary to make our prayers more perfect before Jesus, her son. Then Fr. Peek came with the zuchetto and we all knew God had heard us and was letting us know. So when I opened the Mass card and saw the same date - December 22 - I smiled and thought to myself - God's letting me know He is leading Paul and I don't have to worry about it!
Wednesday 12/6/06
For the past 3 days Paul has been experiencing some abdominal pain that has stayed persistent. This morning, we called his primary care physician and were told that he probably needed to go to the ER, so tests could be run to rule out appendicitis or some other problem that would possibly require surgery. We are here now and have had an ultrasound and are waiting for a CT scan. The pain is most noticeable to him when he walks and moves. This morning, it was hurting whenever he took a deep breath. It was after Paul got his ultrasound done, and was waiting to be brought back to his room, he asked me to pray with him. He said he really is hoping it won't require surgery because he is feels he is so close to getting better. I told him that I agreed and that we have worked too hard getting his weight up! He smiled and said "That's right........I finally weigh 159!" (He weighed himself on Sunday and got off the scale and did a little dance when he saw how much he weighed. He also laughingly said that it was 'all fat' and no muscle.) I am keeping a positive outlook since Paul has been talking a lot about what we will be eating for dinner!
Hopefully............God will provide THE BREADCRUMBS!
Today's Gospel reading is from Matthew 15:29-37 (the miracle of the fish and loaves).
From my Magnificat daily prayer book-
Jesus went up on the mountain. Great crowds came to him, "having with them the lame, the blind, the deformed." Thus, many of the sick had to be carefully led or actually carried up the mountain to get to Jesus. When our own hearts believe that 'this is the Lord for whom we looked,' nothng prevents us from bringing all to Jesus. The Lord's response from the mountian is to provide a rich, miraculous feast."
Dear Lord, bless all who are suffering today and lead them to the 'Joy of your holy mountain".
Thank you for your prayers and we will let you know as soon as possible what they determine.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
I wish I had the time to share everything that Paul says and does that keeps me so centered in Jesus! We will be talking and out of the blue, he will say something so spiritual with a serenity that steers me right into the path of God's love. I have found myself dwelling on when Paul will be able to get back into school, or will he ever be free of his headaches, or some other present issue at hand, and then will hear him say something that melts all the stresses away. I don't mean to say I would give up helping him to recover to his fullest, but his thoughts and statements can take the level of stress away.
On Monday, I was driving him to work, and was deep in thought about whether we should see if he could put in more hours each day. I know we need to stretch him mentally, as well as physically. The sky was absolutely brilliant blue and it had wispy clouds that seem to occur with very chilly weather. I was distracted by the beauty and mentioned it to Paul. He chuckled and said "You know, I was just noticing it and was going to say something about it to you." I smiled and then my mind began thinking of how gentle Paul's face looked and then remembered how he had tenderly touched the face of Chris when we visited him last Friday. I told Paul I was so happy we had gone there and thanked him for being so kind and prayerful for Chris. He said it was great, because he knew our family had really been helped by so many people praying. I said that I was most especially touched by how he talked directly to Chris and prayed for a miracle. Paul said, "God had a message for Chris and needed him to know it." I looked over at Paul and said, "What do you mean?" He smiled at me and said, "It isn't like I hear God talking directly to me, but I know when God wants me to share something with someone. I will have thoughts come into my head and then will just know it is something I am supposed to share at that moment. That is why I said those things to Chris." In my head, I said to myself "And you are worrying about what Paul is going to do with his life! Whatever God wants him to do!"
Later that day, I got another 'breadcrumb' from God. I call these little visual signs breadcrumbs, because I sometimes feel like Gretel - following my breadcrumbs along the pathway God intends. I got a Mass card from my son Jon. He said that it was the first Mass available at their church. It is for December 22, 2006. That date is very meaningful for us and I remembered it instantly. Last year, on 11/16/05, Fr. Kevin Peek said Mass for Paul in his hospital room, while Paul was still in a coma. He brought with him the zuchetto (skullcap) worn by Pope John Paul II at a Mass Pope John Paul II celebrated on December 22, 1996! Fr. Peek placed it on Paul's head while Mass was being celebrated. We already had a picture of Pope John Paul II and the Blessed Mother Mary above Paul's head and we had been praying that Pope John Paul would intercede for our son and asked that he pray too that our prayers would answered. We asked Blessed Mother Mary to make our prayers more perfect before Jesus, her son. Then Fr. Peek came with the zuchetto and we all knew God had heard us and was letting us know. So when I opened the Mass card and saw the same date - December 22 - I smiled and thought to myself - God's letting me know He is leading Paul and I don't have to worry about it!
Wednesday 12/6/06
For the past 3 days Paul has been experiencing some abdominal pain that has stayed persistent. This morning, we called his primary care physician and were told that he probably needed to go to the ER, so tests could be run to rule out appendicitis or some other problem that would possibly require surgery. We are here now and have had an ultrasound and are waiting for a CT scan. The pain is most noticeable to him when he walks and moves. This morning, it was hurting whenever he took a deep breath. It was after Paul got his ultrasound done, and was waiting to be brought back to his room, he asked me to pray with him. He said he really is hoping it won't require surgery because he is feels he is so close to getting better. I told him that I agreed and that we have worked too hard getting his weight up! He smiled and said "That's right........I finally weigh 159!" (He weighed himself on Sunday and got off the scale and did a little dance when he saw how much he weighed. He also laughingly said that it was 'all fat' and no muscle.) I am keeping a positive outlook since Paul has been talking a lot about what we will be eating for dinner!
Hopefully............God will provide THE BREADCRUMBS!
Today's Gospel reading is from Matthew 15:29-37 (the miracle of the fish and loaves).
From my Magnificat daily prayer book-
Jesus went up on the mountain. Great crowds came to him, "having with them the lame, the blind, the deformed." Thus, many of the sick had to be carefully led or actually carried up the mountain to get to Jesus. When our own hearts believe that 'this is the Lord for whom we looked,' nothng prevents us from bringing all to Jesus. The Lord's response from the mountian is to provide a rich, miraculous feast."
Dear Lord, bless all who are suffering today and lead them to the 'Joy of your holy mountain".
Thank you for your prayers and we will let you know as soon as possible what they determine.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Monday, December 04, 2006
Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow
My birthday was on Friday and what a great day it was. Now that we have passed the one year mark of Paul's accident, when we look back, we compare everything to what he was doing in the way of recovery at the time, instead of all that he had lost when we could only compare everything to "pre-accident". Last December 1st, I was so happy he could smile and I noticed that he seemed to be paralyzed on the left side of his face. It was one more thing on my list of "what was wrong - what was lost."
It is so incredible how God has moved us in our thinking, ever so gently, this last year. I don't think of how much he has lost, but what he has helped us gain. His sacrifices have helped us all gain a glimpse into this everlasting love of God. We have felt it, seen it, shared it in ways we might not have before. One year later, and I had to say again, I had the best birthday. This year, I got a phone call at work from Paul and he sang happy birthday to me! James called from Austria, my nephew Joseph called from Germany (which was absolutely the biggest surprise of the day!), Jon and Marie called (they are now in Austria with James) and the funniest call of all was from "Elvis". I answered the phone at work and I heard the song Happy Birthday being sung, and I sat there trying desparately to figure out who it was. I knew it was not any of my sons, but just couldn't figure out who it was. I thought for a split second - could it be a customer who knew that it was my birthday? I had no idea how anyone would know that- I didn't tell anyone. It was actually a little bit freaky! Then my brother said "Happy Birthday sis." I then recognized my brother Keith's voice and said something like, "I had no idea who this was........thank goodness it is you!" It was the fact that he was singing like Elvis that I didn't recognize his voice right away! I laughed out of joy and ....relief! I was also surprised he remembered, because my sister Bev's birthday is on December 8th, (Feast of the Immaculate Conception) and it has happened more than once that someone in our family will ask on December 1st - "Is it your birthday or Bev's?" My dad has actually called me 2 years in a row and has talked to me and hung up without saying Happy Birthday, then calls me on December 8th and says "I am so sorry, I forgot your birthday is on the 1st." I also received cards and gifts from friends at work and flowers from Jon. I truly appreciated all that God had given me in life, so visible in the love shared that day.
Later in the evening, I was most happy. Michael, Jon, Paul, Jerry and I went to visit Kathy and to pray for Chris. I had been thinking about them for the last couple of weeks and was upset we had not been back to pray with them. I had promised we would not forget them and I didn't want Kathy to think one more person would let her down. I called her on Thursday to see how they were doing and it turned out that Friday evening would be a good time for us to come and pray. So that is what we did. We visited for about an hour then said a rosary with them. When it came time to leave, we stood around Chris and prayed specifically for a complete recovery for him. Then Paul moved closer to Chris's wheelchair and stood right by his side. The wheelchair can be raised and it was lifted up high so that when we stand by it, Chris is level with us. Paul put his hand on the side of Chris's face and started to talk to him. It reminded me of the moments where Paul starts to talk to Jesus while he is praying the Stations of the Cross. It is as if no one else is around. Paul was telling Chris that he knew it was hard on him, and that it must be very confusing for Chris at this time. He told him to stay strong and that all the suffering he might be experiencing needed to be offered up to God for his own sins and quite possibly for his family's. He said that while we don't know how God is using the pain and suffering, Chris needs to stay strong and to keep fighting to get well. The whole time Paul was talking to Chris, he was softly touching the side of his face and his head, like a parent does a child when they are ill. Jerry, Jon, and I were the only ones with Paul as he was having this 'one on one' with Chris and we just looked over at each other and knew what the other one was thinking. It was exactly like the moments Paul has while praying the Stations of the Cross, where he is oblivious to everything around him. Paul prayed that God would heal Chris, even if it took a miracle. As we left, Paul hugged me and thanked me for bringing them. He said that he has learned that prayers will help the whole family during this time.
I had scheduled an hour of adoration from 11PM to 12 Midnight, we left and stopped at my sister's house for an hour. Then Jon and I went to Corpus Christi and it was a very peaceful end to a most wonderful day. When I got home, there were more cards from Michael and Paul, Jerry, his mother Judy, and Anne. There were also yellow roses from Paul. He told me the next day that he remembered me saying I liked yellow roses, so that is what he got me. They are still sitting in front of the Blessed Mary's statute in our front room.
When I was a little girl, for the weeks leading into my birthday, I would watch the weather and look out my window each morning. I had a little prayer each year that God would send snow before my birthday. In Wisconsin and Utah, it was always answered! This year, my mom and brother Jim called (from Wisconsin)and emailed me to let me know that the weather warnings of some snow were updated to warnings of a blizzard. My mom is visiting my brother and she said they were up at 5 AM drinking coffee and watching the beginings of the snow storm. Once again........I got snow on my birthday as my mom sat describing how beautfiful it was as it was coming down, covering everything in white. God is SO COOL !!
Just as I waited in anticipation of snow..........I wait for Jesus, the Christ child. As St. Paul writes in Thessalonians 5:14-17 -
"We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, cheer the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient with all. See that no one returns evil for evil; rather, always seek what is good [both] for each other and for all. Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing."
Luke 21:36
"Be vigilant at all times."
As we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, let us be vigilant to see Christ in whatever good is done for us and to allow others to see Him in the good we do for others.
Our new liturgical year has begun. As the snow gently covers the earth, let us begin anew our efforts of covering the earth with the Good News of Jesus Christ.
For it 'tis the season'.
Peace in Christ, brothers and sisters,
Jon and Rebecca
It is so incredible how God has moved us in our thinking, ever so gently, this last year. I don't think of how much he has lost, but what he has helped us gain. His sacrifices have helped us all gain a glimpse into this everlasting love of God. We have felt it, seen it, shared it in ways we might not have before. One year later, and I had to say again, I had the best birthday. This year, I got a phone call at work from Paul and he sang happy birthday to me! James called from Austria, my nephew Joseph called from Germany (which was absolutely the biggest surprise of the day!), Jon and Marie called (they are now in Austria with James) and the funniest call of all was from "Elvis". I answered the phone at work and I heard the song Happy Birthday being sung, and I sat there trying desparately to figure out who it was. I knew it was not any of my sons, but just couldn't figure out who it was. I thought for a split second - could it be a customer who knew that it was my birthday? I had no idea how anyone would know that- I didn't tell anyone. It was actually a little bit freaky! Then my brother said "Happy Birthday sis." I then recognized my brother Keith's voice and said something like, "I had no idea who this was........thank goodness it is you!" It was the fact that he was singing like Elvis that I didn't recognize his voice right away! I laughed out of joy and ....relief! I was also surprised he remembered, because my sister Bev's birthday is on December 8th, (Feast of the Immaculate Conception) and it has happened more than once that someone in our family will ask on December 1st - "Is it your birthday or Bev's?" My dad has actually called me 2 years in a row and has talked to me and hung up without saying Happy Birthday, then calls me on December 8th and says "I am so sorry, I forgot your birthday is on the 1st." I also received cards and gifts from friends at work and flowers from Jon. I truly appreciated all that God had given me in life, so visible in the love shared that day.
Later in the evening, I was most happy. Michael, Jon, Paul, Jerry and I went to visit Kathy and to pray for Chris. I had been thinking about them for the last couple of weeks and was upset we had not been back to pray with them. I had promised we would not forget them and I didn't want Kathy to think one more person would let her down. I called her on Thursday to see how they were doing and it turned out that Friday evening would be a good time for us to come and pray. So that is what we did. We visited for about an hour then said a rosary with them. When it came time to leave, we stood around Chris and prayed specifically for a complete recovery for him. Then Paul moved closer to Chris's wheelchair and stood right by his side. The wheelchair can be raised and it was lifted up high so that when we stand by it, Chris is level with us. Paul put his hand on the side of Chris's face and started to talk to him. It reminded me of the moments where Paul starts to talk to Jesus while he is praying the Stations of the Cross. It is as if no one else is around. Paul was telling Chris that he knew it was hard on him, and that it must be very confusing for Chris at this time. He told him to stay strong and that all the suffering he might be experiencing needed to be offered up to God for his own sins and quite possibly for his family's. He said that while we don't know how God is using the pain and suffering, Chris needs to stay strong and to keep fighting to get well. The whole time Paul was talking to Chris, he was softly touching the side of his face and his head, like a parent does a child when they are ill. Jerry, Jon, and I were the only ones with Paul as he was having this 'one on one' with Chris and we just looked over at each other and knew what the other one was thinking. It was exactly like the moments Paul has while praying the Stations of the Cross, where he is oblivious to everything around him. Paul prayed that God would heal Chris, even if it took a miracle. As we left, Paul hugged me and thanked me for bringing them. He said that he has learned that prayers will help the whole family during this time.
I had scheduled an hour of adoration from 11PM to 12 Midnight, we left and stopped at my sister's house for an hour. Then Jon and I went to Corpus Christi and it was a very peaceful end to a most wonderful day. When I got home, there were more cards from Michael and Paul, Jerry, his mother Judy, and Anne. There were also yellow roses from Paul. He told me the next day that he remembered me saying I liked yellow roses, so that is what he got me. They are still sitting in front of the Blessed Mary's statute in our front room.
When I was a little girl, for the weeks leading into my birthday, I would watch the weather and look out my window each morning. I had a little prayer each year that God would send snow before my birthday. In Wisconsin and Utah, it was always answered! This year, my mom and brother Jim called (from Wisconsin)and emailed me to let me know that the weather warnings of some snow were updated to warnings of a blizzard. My mom is visiting my brother and she said they were up at 5 AM drinking coffee and watching the beginings of the snow storm. Once again........I got snow on my birthday as my mom sat describing how beautfiful it was as it was coming down, covering everything in white. God is SO COOL !!
Just as I waited in anticipation of snow..........I wait for Jesus, the Christ child. As St. Paul writes in Thessalonians 5:14-17 -
"We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, cheer the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient with all. See that no one returns evil for evil; rather, always seek what is good [both] for each other and for all. Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing."
Luke 21:36
"Be vigilant at all times."
As we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, let us be vigilant to see Christ in whatever good is done for us and to allow others to see Him in the good we do for others.
Our new liturgical year has begun. As the snow gently covers the earth, let us begin anew our efforts of covering the earth with the Good News of Jesus Christ.
For it 'tis the season'.
Peace in Christ, brothers and sisters,
Jon and Rebecca
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