We All Shine On

Monday, August 7

I spent some time looking at all the pictures that have been taken since Paul's accident. It helps me see the larger picture. We have come a long way in some respects, but in others, we have not come very far. This week, we will set about finding a doctor who can possibly help Paul regain any amount of his hearing. Looking at his ear, it appears that the opening is partially blocked. I don't remember it being blocked in this way before and hopefully, with surgery, any blockage can be corrected. Paul can hear voices in a very muffled sort of way, but cannot distinguish the words.

We also are trying to find a very good plastic surgeon who can do the necessary rebuilding of the orbital bone and facial bones, so that Paul's eye can be set correctly. We feel it is time to move forward with some of these other issues, as we wait for the Neurosurgeon to find answers about Paul's hydrocephalus. So much time has gone by as we have searched for answers to that complication and we will direct our attention to the other areas that should not be as difficult to solve. I have read more material about hydrocephalus and it is a really difficult issue to solve in some cases. We appear to fit that 'difficult' category. Big Sigh! So we will move on in some of the other aspects of the overall recovery mission!

We hope to get Paul registered in rehabilitation this week. I don't know if he can actually handle a 6-7 hour program yet, but he can do a 3-4 hour day. He needs the stimulation, as seen by his response to the visit from his aunts, uncle and cousins. He puts forth a much better effort if there is something planned outside of the home. If we have a doctor appointment, he manages to handle all that that entails. If we are at home and try to get him active, he shows a lot more resistance and says his head hurts too much. This past weekend was pretty much a non-event. He managed to take his walks and he went to church, but that is about all he did. He got a lot of rest and so should be ready to start out this week! James and I are going to put together a daily schedule that will include more physical and mental stimulation until he gets into a rehab program. James found some things on the internet to stimulate him mentally and has started some excercises that are more difficult. I had noticed that Paul still walks a bit stiffly. I mentioned that he might benefit from doing 'squats' or something. I was talking to James about this and Paul, who was in the kitchen with us, put down the bowl he was holding and said, "What do you mean? I can do those already" and did some for me right then and there. He actually sounded offended! He does need a more thorough regime physically though, and it is our hope that the rehab program will include that.

We are going to make an appointment to have the feeding tube removed after his appointment in Savannah next Tuesday. It will be the last of all the tubes Paul had in him since the accident! We have monitored the amount of liquids that Paul can now take in orally and he is doing very well. On Friday, I was putting some of the homemade juice that I had concocted into his tube. (I have to admit, these mixes can sometimes have weird colors.) I was talking to him about the fact that he is almost at the point where he doesn't need his feeding tube to get his hyrdation each day. He then asked, "Am I going to have to actually drink that stuff then?" I know that he has watched with a wary eye some of the things that we have made and he will ask each time if he has to drink it or if we can just put it in the feeding tube. He never was terribly fond of vegetables and the feeding tube has been a great way to get all the nutritional needs into him, without any time being spent 'encouraging' him to eat it. He even asked if there were any 'vegetable pills' he could just swallow! We may have a tough ride ahead of us once the tube is gone....sigh. I wonder how much spinach and liver powder I can sneak into a fruit smoothie without it being detected? I'll let you know after I finish my experimenting. For those who actually WANT to know, that is.

Sunday was the Transfiguration of the Lord and I found myself inadvertently reflecting on its meaning this morning. I woke up at 4 AM and could not sleep again. I came downstairs and sat in the dark. I was 'stewing' about how much we still need to get done for Paul and how the time is slipping away so quickly. I don't have as much time as I would like to devote to all of his needs. These thoughts weren't helped by my having my computer turned on and pictures taken of Paul since the accident were flashing across the screen. One by one they would open and I remembered what stage of recovery we had been at with each one. It seemed like we had reached some really positive stages and then a picture would open and I would realize how much further we have to go. I am a person who can stress easily. The long hours of the night are the worst for me. I am stuck with all my thoughts racing through my mind, and of course, can't act on any of it during the night. I guess this happens because my mind is finally quieted down and is not distracted, so everything that was squashed down in the recesses of my mind during the day, resurface when I am laying still. All of these thoughts and the dark of the night can lead me me into feelings of despair and frustration. Once morning comes, I can get busy and act on some of the things I dwelled on during the night. My visual aid that caused me to start reflecting on the readings from the Transfiguration of Our Lord, came from the light of the computer screen. I was sitting in the dark of the night, and in the bay window in front of me, I saw the reflection of my face which was illiminated by the light of the computer screen. I could not have seen my face without this light. As we stand in the Light of Jesus Christ, we are asked to 'become what we behold'. Our lives can be a reflection of His love and light. We are to be the luminaries in this world. We are lost sheep when we try to find our way in the darkness. We develop a distorted sense of direction until we have a light shining on the pathway. We can't see the evil that lurks around us, without the Light of Truth warning us to stay away. This must be why I love the morning so much - the light of the morning sun always sends any feelings of fear or despair fleeing. In our efforts to be loved and to love others, to have a purpose - we need to stand in that 'transforming light' and we will find our way.

So again this morning, I found the inner peace of knowing that God will help us find the answers needed in getting Paul to the intended recovery God wants. He sent His Son Jesus to light the way. I have seen the beautifully illiminated faces of other people who have lived with so much suffering, and yet, who have taken on the 'luster of the Son of God'. They reveal God's love through their lives.

"On Tabor shone the light of glory that transformed the risen Christ, whose days will last from age to age, no matter how dark the world's night."

Be our light, Lord.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca