I had that song, 'Wake Up Little Susie' in my head this morning as I reflected on this date, 11/26.
Jon and I were at Mass this morning and I whispered to him that this was the date when Paul woke up from his coma, 3 years ago. During Mass, I remembered the huge joy that erupted in our home that day. It was 6:30 AM when the phone rang. I was frozen in fear when it rang, since it was too early for family to call us. I will never forget Jon running out into the hallway shouting, "Paul is awake! Paul is responding!" The boys came racing out of their rooms and joined all the yelling and laughing. Within 10 minutes they were bolting out the door to go see their brother.
So I sat there this morning, in the quiet of the sanctuary, with that song going on in my head. The words of the responsorial after the first reading brought me back.
GREAT AND WONDERFUL ARE ALL YOUR WORKS, LORD, MIGHTY GOD! (RV 15:3)
"Let the sea and what fills it resound, the world and those who dwell in it;
Let the rivers clap their hands, the mountains shout with them for joy."
(Psalm 98)
As I sat there, I dwelled on the fact that I too needed to wake up from the darkness that I can slip into. I remember wanting to be the most holy person on earth that day, after God had done such great deeds for our family. I was determined to show Him my love and devotion all the rest of my days. As I sat in church this morning, 3 years later, I reflected on the fact that I had not kept my promise very well. At this time of year, when everyone takes stock of all that they are thankful for, I was thinking how long my list is. With all the blessings we have - our faith, jobs, health, home, family - I wish I had been able to keep my promise to God on that day, 3 years ago. I prayed that I too would be woken up to see with greater clarity, the Light of Jesus.
The end of the Gospel from today states, "You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perseverance, you will secure your lives." So, once again, with great prayerfulness and hope, I will work at being the holy person God so wants me to be.
After Mass, I read the meditation of the day, written by St. Paulinus, a friend of Sts. Ambrose, Martin of Tours and Augustine. Paul's accident was on 11/11, which is the feast day of St. Martin of Tours and today's meditation was written by St. Paulinus. Very cool, I thought to myself.
Perseverance as Service
" From the beginning of the world, Christ has been suffering in all His people; for he is the beginning and the end, veiled in the law, revealed in the Gospel, the Lord ever wonderful in His saints, in whom He both suffers and triumphs. In Abel He was killed by his brother, in Noah mocked by his son, in Abraham a sojourner, in Isaac offered in sacrifice, in Jacob a servant, in Joseph sold, in Moses exposed and put to flight, in the prophets stoned and sawn in two, in the apostles buffeted on land and sea, and in the many varied torments of the blessed martyrs put to death time and again.
And it is the same Lord who endures our sufferings and sorrows today. He identified himself with the human race and so has continually borne the mal-treatment inflicted upon us; for He knows how to endure suffering, which without Him we cannot and know not how to endure. It is He, I say, who continues to withstand the world in us and for us today, so that , overcoming it by His patient endurance, He may bring His power to perfection in weakness. He it is who suffers the taunts you endure, and by hating you this world is hating Him.
Consider the position from which we fell in the beginning and you will realize that it is by the design of God's wisdom and love that we are being restored to life. In Adam we were destroyed by pride and therefore, we are humbled in Christ so as to wash away the guilt of that ancient crime by practicing the opposite virtue, having offended by arrogance, we win approval by service."
I will continue in service by helping Paul move closer to all God intends for him. As always, I continue to learn from Paul. His humility, his incredible love for everyone he comes into contact with, his acceptance of his disabilities, his patience with the pain he has each day. And today, I am most thankful for his example of hope and joy, knowing that God woke him on that day after whispering in his soul. Paul knows this with a certainty and this knowledge moves him forward each day. As we prayed the other day, he told me that he knows God hears his prayers and that he has to wait for the answers. He is hoping that there will be a day when he can be a great husband and father, but also that if God has a different life for him, he wants what God wants.
Oh God, hear my prayer today.............wake me up and help me continue in humble service, with a greater desire for holiness, so your love will be known to all I encounter. Wake up our world and those who lead our nations, so that your light and love will be the example all your children can follow.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. We are blessed with your prayers and your lives.
God bless you and keep you awake and aware of His great love.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Take Me To The Highway
Paul is waiting to lead the rosary service
at St. Stephen's on the 3rd anniversary
of his accident date.
How far he has come!
Judy and her son, Jerry were there too.
Praise God for their never ending
love and support for our family.
We could not have done it without
them.
Regarding Paul ever driving again, it feels like we have been on back wood trails for way too long. Paul had an eye exam a couple of months ago to test his peripheral vision to make sure it was within the standards set by the state of Georgia. Shepherd Center could not help Paul until they knew he even qualified in visual category. His driving skills were 'rusty' but they told us that he would be able to get additional training to get him back up to good driving skills and quick reaction times. They did not doubt he could master that. We had had seen one opthamologist and he did not have the equipment to do the Goldman test, which is the best way to determine Paul's visual field. After seeing another opthamologist downtown, we waited for them to share the results with Shepherd Center. After many phone calls to each place and finally my tone of voice giving a clue that this whole process was beyond ridiculous, the doctor's office finally provided all the information on the required form and they faxed it to Shepherd Center today. As all of you probably know, customer service is a thing of the past in America. This test of patience that God keeps checking me on, is starting to make me lose my patience! I can see it now. After I die, I will be met at the doors to heaven and St. Peter will tell me that I am being sent back and as a final test of whether I am ready to enter, I will need to go back and get copies of my medical records.
So, with the form filled out, we are working our way out of the woods and to the highway. We are waiting to hear from the Vocational Rehabilitation office (Dept. of Labor) for an appointment for Paul. Don't say it.................I know.............from the frying pan into the fire! A government agency is next on our list. They are supposed to help Paul with the costs of the driving program, which runs about $150/hour and he will need a minimum of 10 hours. We were told that this office will also help Paul with being successful in school and gaining more skills for re-entry to the work force. Paul has been blessed in that area. He is still working part-time at DTSi and he believes he is working quickly and efficiently at the clerical duties he performs. This company has been very kind to Paul by allowing him to return to work when he was ready. He started out with only an hour or two every couple days, and has worked up to around 20 hours/week. Some weeks are not as much due to his school schedule and papers he has to work on. It has been one of the biggest blessings Paul has received. He has been able to work in a place where everyone knows him and what he has been through. He works with people who love him! So wonderful and such a gift from God.
So, once we can meet with a case worker, we can get the driving course started. I am hopeful it will be sooner than later. I know it will do Paul a world of good to get more of his normal life back. It will be such a huge step towards more recovery. He was thrilled when I called him this morning. I was able to catch him before he went into his class. He called me right after it was over to discuss it all some more and to also let me know the grade on his last paper he had to turn in before the final exam essay was a very good one. It was an A. Paul also said he was able to participate a lot in class in the discussions. He does not do as well on pop quizzes and he had one today. He got 3 out of 4 correct, which is a 75%. He did not remember an author's name. His memory is funny. If it is of high interest to him, he will remember the most minute detail forever. With other things, he needs to be told over and over. Very quirky.
Paul did really well on Tuesday at church. He made sure he had a list of everything he needed to do. He led those attending the rosary service in song and read all the scripture passes without a mistake. He was quite happy with himself when it was over. He said he had a great "Happy Life Day" (what we named his 3rd anniversary date) and was really happy his brother's called him. He said Jon told him he would always remember 11/11/05 as the worst and best day of his life. It is a true statement for our family. The blessings definitely out number the difficulties. I am being very honest about that too. We have had some really tough days these last few years. There were times when I was so emotionally and physically drained that I wanted to give up and tell God enough was enough. And there were days that I said it out loud to God! There have been days that I learned just how far down despair can take you - and learned that your body will keep producing tears no matter how long you cry. But there have been far more days where God has sent little signs of His love, His mercy and His light. So many days that brought the love of family, neighbors and friends into our lives just when we needed it. The number of tears I have shed with joy are close to the mortgage bailout figure! I will repeat what I have said. I would not trade this experience in for an easier one because I have begun a journey with God that is hopefully going to bring me out of the woods and onto the highway.
Blessings to all of you,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU
Three years and counting...................
I have to start with great thanksgiving to our God who has graced us with more love, laughter and recovery than I could ever have imagined we would experience since 11/11/05. How the power of pray has moved a mountain! I will never forget those first few months in the hospitals, nor the hours spent wondering where this would take us. We prayed with an intensity we did not know was within us and we were graced with an answer far beyond our hopes. So many prayers sent up to heaven by so many people.....it still amazes us to this day.
Paul is doing well in school in that he understands what is being taught in the classroom. He has participated on a number of occassions and is very happy as he relates how his teacher will agree with him and then expound on Paul's comments. It is interesting that some of Paul's comments are related to his music background and how in depth he remembers his theory. We are still prayerful Paul will rekindle his passion for music. As of now, it is dormant.
We have to help Paul a good deal with his 3-6 page essays that he has written for his class. He understands the material, but has difficulty starting the paper and keeping his thoughts organized. I have been blessed to have as my friend, the mother of another brain injured young man. I have written of her often and we still stay in touch. A month ago we met for lunch and she shared the path that her son has taken since his accident almost 5 years ago. She said that Paul is following the same path in a number of ways and that she too had to help her son a lot in the first 3 semesters he was back in college. He is now in his 5th semester and has taken a full load and is doing everything for himself. He lives in an apartment near the Atlanta rail system and uses that to get to class each day. He lost the sight in one of his eyes, so is not able to drive. But that has not stopped his progress and he is blessed to have a lot of his friends still near him to help him get around. Dee also said that her son was so much more like his old self and that even he realizes he has continued to recover in his mental abilities. She said that they still see improvement in so many ways and for us to remain very optimistic about the future for Paul. Hearing all of this helped me squelch some fears that had cropped up, especially in the area of school. Lately, I felt we had hit a dead end as we saw Paul struggle through this coursework.
I read something recently that reminded me that I have to let it go and trust God is guiding us along. I took a spiritual inventory and realized I am still battling my tendency to 'take control'. I was praying hard for God to help me because I really felt far away from that relationship I had been building upon all this time. I had a real battle going on inside. I would pray for a greater love of God and greater trust, but still felt very empty. I finally called out to God while in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament -"How long Lord? What do you want from me?" The following week I got an answer.
It was these words from Father Jean-Pierre De Caussade (1751 - a French Jesuit) that helped me:
"I experience impetouous desires of acquiring the gift of prayer, humilty, gentleness, the love of God; to this I reply: Let us not think so much about our own interests. My duty is to occupy myself simply and quietly with God, to accomplish His will in all that He asks of me, at the moment. That is my task; everything else I leave in the care of God; my advancement is His business, as mine is to occupy myself ceaselessly with Him and to execute His orders. It occurs to me that I am still so imperfect, so full of defects and meannesses, of infidelities and weaknesses; how long will it be before I am delivered from these things? I reply at once: by the grace of God I do not love my faults, I am resolved to combat them; but I shall only be delivered from them when it may please God to deliver me. That is His affair, mine is to hate these faults and to fight them with patience, penitence and humility until it pleases God to give me the victory over them. This is what God demands of me; He will give me more light and knowledge when He thinks it well to do so. That is His affair. I have placed all my spiritual progress in His hands."
Pretty much hit the nail on the head, wouldn't you agree? It not only applied to my relationship to God, but also my responsibility to Paul. God will bring to us all that we can handle in the day and we need to wait with patience for the next step. What will be, will be. I am to stand by and take orders from God, not give them...............such a tough lesson for this pitiful soul!
We still see the roller coaster recovery pattern. Paul is in a low spot these days. These are the times when I feel impatient. It is the time where the brain shuts down so he can get some repairs done. He has been very forgetful lately and not quite as sharp in his thought processes. I am not sure how long it will last, but we have been graced with recovery each time.
One huge thing he did was to go on a retreat with the Catholic Students Association at GA State this past weekend. He has been back in touch with the director of the program and has been going to the noon Mass on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he can. Rudy told him about the retreat in the North GA mountains and Paul made the decision to go. He had a very good time and came home exhausted. He tried to tell us all about it on Sunday when we picked him up, but he suddenly said he was too tired to talk. We could tell he was in overload. He was quiet for a little while and then continued to tell us more about it. He stayed a bit sluggish through today. He and Jerry went for a long swim this afternoon to get an "oxygen" fill up in his brain. The aerobic excercises are best for Paul and we felt it would help him a lot. Jerry is on vacation this week, so he hopes to get Paul to the aquatic center at least 2 more times.
Right before the election, our pastor organized a nightly rosary to be said at church. There is so much to pray for in our country and he knows the power of prayer is the answer. Needless to say, there were so many of our friends and parishioners that were so saddened by the outcome of this election, as it relates to the hard work of the Pro-Life movement. Our priest's response is perfect. We have gone almost every night and it brings us so much joy. There is a sign up sheet for people to take charge of leading it each night. They can choose the opening song and then they lead the congregation in the recitation of the rosary and then the Litany of the Blessed Mary. Then they lead us in a closing song. Tonight, Paul has signed up as a way of remembering so many parishioners who came to church one night and prayed specifically for him while he was still in a coma. Our family was shocked and overjoyed at how many people came. Three years later, our family is shocked and overjoyed at how many people are coming every night to pray for our country, for the unemployed and for an end to abortion. A sign for the times that God's truth will be carried from this generation to the next.
As I reflected today on these past 3 years, the title just popped into my head. God's response to His people, our response to God and to all of you who have prayed, our efforts to help Paul recover is summed up in those words. ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU. It will be this shared love that will move us through any difficult days ahead. Always and Forever. Praise be to Our Loving Father in heaven.
With much love and gratitude, we keep you in our hearts.
Jon and Rebecca
I have to start with great thanksgiving to our God who has graced us with more love, laughter and recovery than I could ever have imagined we would experience since 11/11/05. How the power of pray has moved a mountain! I will never forget those first few months in the hospitals, nor the hours spent wondering where this would take us. We prayed with an intensity we did not know was within us and we were graced with an answer far beyond our hopes. So many prayers sent up to heaven by so many people.....it still amazes us to this day.
Paul is doing well in school in that he understands what is being taught in the classroom. He has participated on a number of occassions and is very happy as he relates how his teacher will agree with him and then expound on Paul's comments. It is interesting that some of Paul's comments are related to his music background and how in depth he remembers his theory. We are still prayerful Paul will rekindle his passion for music. As of now, it is dormant.
We have to help Paul a good deal with his 3-6 page essays that he has written for his class. He understands the material, but has difficulty starting the paper and keeping his thoughts organized. I have been blessed to have as my friend, the mother of another brain injured young man. I have written of her often and we still stay in touch. A month ago we met for lunch and she shared the path that her son has taken since his accident almost 5 years ago. She said that Paul is following the same path in a number of ways and that she too had to help her son a lot in the first 3 semesters he was back in college. He is now in his 5th semester and has taken a full load and is doing everything for himself. He lives in an apartment near the Atlanta rail system and uses that to get to class each day. He lost the sight in one of his eyes, so is not able to drive. But that has not stopped his progress and he is blessed to have a lot of his friends still near him to help him get around. Dee also said that her son was so much more like his old self and that even he realizes he has continued to recover in his mental abilities. She said that they still see improvement in so many ways and for us to remain very optimistic about the future for Paul. Hearing all of this helped me squelch some fears that had cropped up, especially in the area of school. Lately, I felt we had hit a dead end as we saw Paul struggle through this coursework.
I read something recently that reminded me that I have to let it go and trust God is guiding us along. I took a spiritual inventory and realized I am still battling my tendency to 'take control'. I was praying hard for God to help me because I really felt far away from that relationship I had been building upon all this time. I had a real battle going on inside. I would pray for a greater love of God and greater trust, but still felt very empty. I finally called out to God while in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament -"How long Lord? What do you want from me?" The following week I got an answer.
It was these words from Father Jean-Pierre De Caussade (1751 - a French Jesuit) that helped me:
"I experience impetouous desires of acquiring the gift of prayer, humilty, gentleness, the love of God; to this I reply: Let us not think so much about our own interests. My duty is to occupy myself simply and quietly with God, to accomplish His will in all that He asks of me, at the moment. That is my task; everything else I leave in the care of God; my advancement is His business, as mine is to occupy myself ceaselessly with Him and to execute His orders. It occurs to me that I am still so imperfect, so full of defects and meannesses, of infidelities and weaknesses; how long will it be before I am delivered from these things? I reply at once: by the grace of God I do not love my faults, I am resolved to combat them; but I shall only be delivered from them when it may please God to deliver me. That is His affair, mine is to hate these faults and to fight them with patience, penitence and humility until it pleases God to give me the victory over them. This is what God demands of me; He will give me more light and knowledge when He thinks it well to do so. That is His affair. I have placed all my spiritual progress in His hands."
Pretty much hit the nail on the head, wouldn't you agree? It not only applied to my relationship to God, but also my responsibility to Paul. God will bring to us all that we can handle in the day and we need to wait with patience for the next step. What will be, will be. I am to stand by and take orders from God, not give them...............such a tough lesson for this pitiful soul!
We still see the roller coaster recovery pattern. Paul is in a low spot these days. These are the times when I feel impatient. It is the time where the brain shuts down so he can get some repairs done. He has been very forgetful lately and not quite as sharp in his thought processes. I am not sure how long it will last, but we have been graced with recovery each time.
One huge thing he did was to go on a retreat with the Catholic Students Association at GA State this past weekend. He has been back in touch with the director of the program and has been going to the noon Mass on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he can. Rudy told him about the retreat in the North GA mountains and Paul made the decision to go. He had a very good time and came home exhausted. He tried to tell us all about it on Sunday when we picked him up, but he suddenly said he was too tired to talk. We could tell he was in overload. He was quiet for a little while and then continued to tell us more about it. He stayed a bit sluggish through today. He and Jerry went for a long swim this afternoon to get an "oxygen" fill up in his brain. The aerobic excercises are best for Paul and we felt it would help him a lot. Jerry is on vacation this week, so he hopes to get Paul to the aquatic center at least 2 more times.
Right before the election, our pastor organized a nightly rosary to be said at church. There is so much to pray for in our country and he knows the power of prayer is the answer. Needless to say, there were so many of our friends and parishioners that were so saddened by the outcome of this election, as it relates to the hard work of the Pro-Life movement. Our priest's response is perfect. We have gone almost every night and it brings us so much joy. There is a sign up sheet for people to take charge of leading it each night. They can choose the opening song and then they lead the congregation in the recitation of the rosary and then the Litany of the Blessed Mary. Then they lead us in a closing song. Tonight, Paul has signed up as a way of remembering so many parishioners who came to church one night and prayed specifically for him while he was still in a coma. Our family was shocked and overjoyed at how many people came. Three years later, our family is shocked and overjoyed at how many people are coming every night to pray for our country, for the unemployed and for an end to abortion. A sign for the times that God's truth will be carried from this generation to the next.
As I reflected today on these past 3 years, the title just popped into my head. God's response to His people, our response to God and to all of you who have prayed, our efforts to help Paul recover is summed up in those words. ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU. It will be this shared love that will move us through any difficult days ahead. Always and Forever. Praise be to Our Loving Father in heaven.
With much love and gratitude, we keep you in our hearts.
Jon and Rebecca
Monday, November 03, 2008
Power of Prayer
I have been praying with great fervency as this election day approaches and tonight, as I sat here awake at midnight, it occurred to me that it was the power of so many people's prayers that truly saved our son Paul from death on November 11, 2005. I have never been very public about my political views, but felt called tonight to ask everyone to pray once again for LIFE.
While there are many points of view regarding this election, I believe it is important to speak out when evil tries to prevail in our world. While social justice, capital punishment and the economy are important issues, these become moot points when the very source of life is the battleground. While I have never intended to use this format as anything other than a way to keep everyone updated about the progress of Paul and to ask for continued prayers for his recovery, I cannot stay silent on so important an issue. As I have begged for your prayerful help for these past 3 years, I beg for your prayerful response to end the holocaust taking place each day in America. There is no other way to end abortions than through prayer and fasting. The lives of millions of innocent babies are in our hands and we, a holy people, need to unite as one and pray without ceasing. It is interesting that so divisive an election is taking place in this year of St. Paul. It was this disciple of Jesus who urged his brothers and sisters in Christ to pray without ceasing and that message still holds true today. Please listen to the voice of Jesus in your heart. Vote and pray that America will continue to be One Nation Under God. In a study of St. Paul I learned that to believe in God means to be obedient to God. It is not as easy as it sounds, especially when faced with adversity here on earth. But once again, I have asked myself if my behavior will allow me to hear Jesus say, "Well done faithful servant". I don't believe being silent will help me hear those words when I die. We have to speak for those innocent souls that cannot plead for their lives. Just as I spoke for Paul when he could not ask us to pray for his life, I must speak for these innocent babies. Please pray with all your heart and remember that if we had the faith of a mustard seed, we could move the mountain into the sea. There is still time to cry out to our Father in heaven for this battle to be won. Once again, I plead for your prayers and fasting through election day.
"The fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3
"...nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake. I am the Lord." —Lv 19:16
"If you remain indifferent in time of adversity, your strength will depart from you." —Prv 24:10
Come Holy Spirit and renew the hearts of your people on earth.
God our Father, have mercy us and hear the prayers of the faithful.
In the name of Jesus,
The Fidero Family
While there are many points of view regarding this election, I believe it is important to speak out when evil tries to prevail in our world. While social justice, capital punishment and the economy are important issues, these become moot points when the very source of life is the battleground. While I have never intended to use this format as anything other than a way to keep everyone updated about the progress of Paul and to ask for continued prayers for his recovery, I cannot stay silent on so important an issue. As I have begged for your prayerful help for these past 3 years, I beg for your prayerful response to end the holocaust taking place each day in America. There is no other way to end abortions than through prayer and fasting. The lives of millions of innocent babies are in our hands and we, a holy people, need to unite as one and pray without ceasing. It is interesting that so divisive an election is taking place in this year of St. Paul. It was this disciple of Jesus who urged his brothers and sisters in Christ to pray without ceasing and that message still holds true today. Please listen to the voice of Jesus in your heart. Vote and pray that America will continue to be One Nation Under God. In a study of St. Paul I learned that to believe in God means to be obedient to God. It is not as easy as it sounds, especially when faced with adversity here on earth. But once again, I have asked myself if my behavior will allow me to hear Jesus say, "Well done faithful servant". I don't believe being silent will help me hear those words when I die. We have to speak for those innocent souls that cannot plead for their lives. Just as I spoke for Paul when he could not ask us to pray for his life, I must speak for these innocent babies. Please pray with all your heart and remember that if we had the faith of a mustard seed, we could move the mountain into the sea. There is still time to cry out to our Father in heaven for this battle to be won. Once again, I plead for your prayers and fasting through election day.
"The fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3
"...nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake. I am the Lord." —Lv 19:16
"If you remain indifferent in time of adversity, your strength will depart from you." —Prv 24:10
Come Holy Spirit and renew the hearts of your people on earth.
God our Father, have mercy us and hear the prayers of the faithful.
In the name of Jesus,
The Fidero Family
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