Makes Me Want to Shout

In the days following Paul's accident, Jon and James had to go back to school and they asked me to keep the blog going so they would know what was going on. So when I started to write the information, I was doing it with the thought that my family and a few close friends were reading it. Once I learned so many others were reading it, I told Jon I wasn't sure I could continue it because it made me nervous to know it was being read by complete strangers. He told me to just write what was in my heart and thoughts and God would take care of the rest. I immediately thought that I should temper the statements about our Catholic faith and make it more generic so that I would not offend anyone. I mean, complete strangers were reading and I didn't want to 'hit them over the head' with our faith and values. But what kept coming to mind was that it wasn't so much our story anymore, it was God's story. Plain and simple. The way this story spread and with hundreds of people praying for our family - that became the next miracle after God spared Paul's life. We got personal emails from young people who were thanking us for helping them in their search for faith, or just restoring their faith. We had strangers come up and introduce themselves and they would let us know how wonderful it was to read the blog and it filled them with renewed hope in their own lives. So often, I found myself sitting in front of my computer without a clue of what I would write down. I learned to pray to the Holy Spirit to help my words be what God wanted people to know. It WAS HIS STORY and I would type, He would provide. Because it was His story, I decided that I would not make it a crowd pleaser. I would write God's story in its fullest and with the truths we have learned in Scripture and God's word to His people. I wanted everyone to know the everlasting love of God for his children and how we are all connected as one body in Christ. It was a truth we were learning day after day. So often, the words of John Paul II have helped me get through the days and months of Paul's slow recovery process. BE NOT AFRAID. I would repeat them and follow them with JESUS, I TRUST IN YOU. I continue to work hard to live by those words and yes, I fail often. But I will continue to persevere in my attempt because I have been changed.

I have asked myself, "Why would anyone continue to read this blog? Why do they hang on to this slow moving story?" Maybe, it is because Paul's recovery is something tangible and real. It is measurable. With the onslaught of attacks against Christianity in our world today, stories like this help keep us renewed in hope and trust. Ours is only one of many. It is one that has shown how much love people possess and are capable of sharing. It has been a story of incredible charitable acts. We have been made aware of other people's struggles and we consider ourselves so blessed that God has personally invited us to help others make it through struggles with more prayers and loving actions. So often, we keep our religious lives quietly tucked away and separate from our secular life. We keep our love of God confined to our faith communities and then stay quiet when we are out in the world. We hear so much in the media that ridicules those who are trying to share the truth and enormity of God's love for us. Christianity is being attacked from so many directions and there does not seem to be a loud response in defense of God's love and truth. I found myself guilty of this too. I tempered all the love , the joy, the hope and trust I was experiencing, with guarded conversation. Why do we do that? When we have been a witness to so many miracles, why are we guarded in our interactions with the secular world? Be Not Afraid comes to my mind again. God graced us with a very full knowledge that He would not abandon us in the days following Paul's accident. We actually were able to feel His peace and love surrounding us, even though we were told Paul had no chance of living. We felt so blessed that God took our family by the hand and asked us to keep a prayerful vigil with Jesus at Gethsemane, asked us to walk side by side with Jesus at Calvary. He asked us to trust in His everlasting love and gave us the joy of knowing we would not be abandoned. In the darkest hours, we felt His presence. Those who have been graced with intense suffering, prayerfully will have knowledge of the joy that will follow. So I ask myself, "Why would we not share that joy, that incredible and immense joy of God's love, with everyone we encounter?" Why do we not come right out and say that if it were not for God, we are nothing.? I know who I was before this accident and I know I would not have chosen me to be the one to write about God’s love. What I now know is that God will take a ‘weak link’ and will use it for His purpose. That way, everyone will know it was His might and power that accomplished the task at hand. The key is, all I had to do was say yes. I saw Blessed Mary’s example of “Yes” to God and tried, in my humble way, to follow that example. And God has not abandoned me. I am not always strong and I sometimes still cry out “Why have you left me alone to handle this?” I sometimes feel real sadness when I think about how Paul will never return to exactly the person he was. I feel real sadness when I think that he may never reach full independence and no parent wants to see that for their children. In these times of despair or fear, His word comes to me and I am renewed in hope and trust.

In answer to my previous questions of why do we stay silent about what we know to be true about God, I read something on Sunday at Mass. I had started this posting on Saturday and then decided to take time to think about whether I should be shouting out at everyone.

“It is perfectly obvious that if I am so blessed by the gifts of the Spirit, that I find my reason, will and emotions made increasingly perceptive of divine currents previously lost to me, I can hardly help acting in a new way. I now discover the view about me and consequently, my manner of life must in some ways be different from before. The vision has come; it cannot simply open my eyes to new things in life without thereby altering that very life itself. Not only shall I find that what seemed to me before to be evil now appears to me to be a blessing; but on that very account, what before I tried to avoid, or having got, tried to be rid of, I shall now accept, perhaps even seek. Similarly, whereas then I was weak, now I am strong; and increase of strength means new activities, new energy put into the old work and finding its way into works altogether new. My emotions, finally, which imperiled and dominated my life, slip now into a subordinate position and while thereby as actively employed as before, are held under discipline. It is clear that the gifts will not leave me where I was before, but will influence my actions as well as alter my vision. This means that I have a new idea as to the means of achieving the full happiness of life. Once upon a time I thought happiness meant comfort; now I see that it means something quite different. I am therefore obliged to change also my idea as to the means and conditions whereby, and in which, happiness can be found.”
Father Bede Jarrett

Can I stay quiet about the everlasting love of God and the joy that it promises?
Not ever. This world has so much suffering and darkness and if we are not the voices in the wilderness, the gift of God’s joy will not be shared. It is too awesome a gift for us to keep to ourselves.

I gladly share my email address with anyone who needs our prayers and love. We have reaped the bounty of the power of your prayers. We joyfully want to share God’s love with you.

God loves all his creation with a passionate love. It is our task to love and cherish creation as God does.

And now about Paul………………smile.
He continues to use his eyes together all day long. He is learning to remember to keep fluid in his left eye so it does not dry out. We are seeing marked improvement, but have noticed the movement up and down are very limited for his left eye. We may need to have an MRI done to see if there is a blockage caused either in the accident, or in one of the reconstructive surgeries. I think that possibly, the doctors never did give much thought to the eye, since most considered it blind or almost. Forge ahead, we will. Paul seems happier about leaving his sunglasses off and we definitely have to get him a pair of regular glasses to protect the left eye at all times, since there is very little movement in the eyelid. The bottom lid is showing a lot more movement than the top lid.

He is still very forgetful. It seems almost as if it is worse. I was able to enjoy a dinner out with Dee Huggins last week and she said that we should not despair, as Chip also went through periods that she felt he had regressed. Then he would come back a little stronger. It is our hope that this is not ‘as good as it gets’ for Paul in that area. It is a real problem for him and is the huge block to his being independent. When I start to get overly concerned about what this will all mean for Paul and the family, I remember that God took over almost 2 years ago. I have to sometimes say this out loud to make it happen – “Rebecca, let go of the steering wheel.” All things in God’s time, with His love. It always brings me peace.

He seems more in tune with his appearance. He actually turned down something sweet last week because he said he needed to watch his weight! He takes time to check out how his hair looks and asked to get a haircut, with very specific ideas about how he wanted it done. He no longer asks for those ugly brown velour pants either! Of course it could be because he has FORGOTTEN about them………..whatever. It works for me……………….smile.

He has about 3 more weeks at Shepherd Pathways. He meets with the vocational director this week to help guide him in choosing his career pathway. We will be following up with his eye doctor for reading glasses. Paul said his left eye doesn’t see as well as his right when he is reading.

His headaches are coming way down and staying there. We rarely see a level 6 or 7 headache anymore. He uses ice packs and exercises his chiropractor taught him to keep an oncoming headache away. If necessary, he will use Tylenol / Advil. He also has been given a new prescription to help the headache and Paul said it worked really well. It is for migraines specifically and it worked well the day Paul had a bad headache. So, through a combination of methods, Paul is doing well. He has been going strong for weeks. Jerry was commenting on how we could never plan anything fun for Paul for the next day because we never knew how he would feel. Now, we plan away and 99% of the time, the events are enjoyed. We are seeing more freedom in many ways. Thanks be to God for that.

With great love, and a loud voice we say,
May God bless you in this day!
Be Not Afraid to be His voice, His hands, His love.
They will know we are Christians by our love.

rafidero@bellsouth.net
fideroj@bellsouth.net


Love,
Jon and Rebecca