As Time Goes By

Today, I remembered vividly, an event that took place the day after Paul woke up from his coma. There were a couple therapists in the room and they sat Paul up on the side of his bed. They wanted to start assessing what was lost and what was still intact. Paul was like a wet noodle, having lost so much weight, strength and muscle tone. He was not comfortable at all and at one point, when he looked at me, I could tell he was agitated with their repeat commands to him. The moment I remember most is when the one therapist kept telling Paul to “move your left leg forward”. He had already moved his right leg forward, slowly and weakly. I knew he was suffering some paralysis all the way down his left side, and wondered why they were insisting on him moving his left leg. I spoke to the therapist in a soft voice that Paul was paralyzed on the left side. She nodded her head at me, with a look that said “Okay thanks, but can you go sit down now?” I did sit down, wondering how long she would keep up her command to move the left leg.

Paul tried to force himself towards the pillow on his bed, letting them know he was done with this exercise in frustration. The therapist said, “You can lie down after you move your left leg forward. Try harder”. Paul realized that he didn’t have the strength to push past the nurses and therapists holding him up, so he moved his right foot behind his left leg and pushed his left foot forward. Everyone laughed and the therapist said, “That is problem solving! That is what I wanted to see.” She immediately let Paul lay back down. She looked at me and said, “He is going to do great!”

As I sat here smiling at the remembrance, it struck me that it helps explains the delay in my posting a blog. I have been mentally and spiritually paralyzed. I believe it started after the elections and has gotten worse as I have watched, in horror, the dismantling of all the hard work of those who believe in the sanctity of life. I had been praying very hard as we got closer to the election in November, and after the election, even more fervently. I held onto hope that our new president would have a conversion of heart and would be open to God’s truths. As each month passed, my hope slowly eroded. My daily prayers were filled with pleadings that we would not continue to lose ground in the fight for the sanctity of all life. I sent faxes and emails to everyone I could, hoping that our voices would be heard. And each month brought nothing but one huge disappointment after another as our politicians have shown they are not listening. They have their agenda and it is bulldozing its way into our lives. I kept thinking of all those people who have worked tirelessly for 30+ years in the pro-life movement and how they must be feeling as they watch all their work gush away like water through a broken dam.

During Lent, when I finally felt spiritually dead, I went to Confession. I received some advice that opened the spiritual floodgate. I was reminded once again that everyone is a child of God -even those who seemed to be without God. We are all sinners and we are all responsible for each other. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ and now more than ever, we need to take care of each other. Especially those who are in most need of God’s mercy. My priest’s parting bit of advice was to not forget that Jesus left us with a sign of His everlasting love - The Holy Spirit. He is the “bomber“. Father explained that he likes to picture the Holy Spirit as a bomber that flies into enemy territory and lets loose a bomb of graces for those who are calling for God’s help. I had come into church feeling ’shell shocked’ after all the months of defeating headline news, but I left church renewed in hope. I smiled up at heaven above while asking the Holy Spirit to ’bomb away!’

In the first week of Easter, I received even greater clarity when I read what Bishop Finn in Kansas City wrote:
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We are at war.

Harsh as this may sound it is true – but it is not new. This war to which I refer did not begin in just the last several months, although new battles are underway – and they bring an intensity and urgency to our efforts that may rival any time in the past.

But it is correct to acknowledge that you and I are warriors - members of the Church on earth – often called the Church Militant. Those who have gone ahead of us have already completed their earthly battles. Some make up the Church Triumphant – Saints in heaven who surround and support us still – tremendous allies in the battle for our eternal salvation; and the Church Suffering (souls in purgatory who depend on our prayers and meritorious works and suffrages). But we are the Church on Earth – The Church Militant. We are engaged in a constant warfare with Satan, with the glamour of evil, and the lure of false truths and empty promises. If we fail to realize how constantly these forces work against us, we are more likely to fall, and even chance forfeiting God’s gift of eternal life - The ultimate promise of the Gospel.

Before I go any further I must proclaim a most important truth – a truth that we have just been celebrating throughout the last week: Jesus Christ, in His life, death, and Resurrection, has already won the war: definitively and once for all. He has conquered sin and death and has won the prize of life on high in heaven forever. We know the final outcome, but the battle for eternal life is now played out in each human heart with a free will to love or not, to be faithful or to walk away from the life which has been offered as God’s most wonderful gift.

Every day the choice is before us: right or wrong; good or bad; the blessing or the curse; life or death. Our whole life must be oriented toward choosing right, the good, the blessing; choosing life. If you and I fail to realize the meaning and finality behind our choices, and the intensity of the constant warfare that confronts us, it is likely that we will drop our guard, be easily and repeatedly deceived, and even loose the life of our eternal soul.

What can we say about this constant warfare? Our battle is ultimately a spiritual battle for the eternal salvation of souls – our own and those of other people. We are not engaged in physical battles in the same way military soldiers defend with material weapons. We need not – we must not – initiate violence against other persons to accomplish something good, even something as significant as the protection of human life.
But it is true that we might have to endure physical suffering to prosper the victory of Jesus Christ. He carried the Cross. He promised us that – if we were to follow Him – we also would share the Cross. We must not expect anything less. When you stand up for what is right – you will be opposed. The temptation will be to avoid these attacks. But through our responses we must see what kind of soldiers we are.

Our enemy is the deceiver, the liar, Satan. Because of his spiritual powers he can turn the minds and hearts of men. He is our spiritual or supernatural enemy when he works to tempt us, and he becomes a kind of natural enemy as he works in the hearts of other people to twist and confound God’s will. In our human experience people deceived by Satan’s distortions and lies may appear as our “human enemies.”

But, in his Letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul makes, for us, a very important distinction. “Draw strength from the Lord and from His mighty power,” He tells them and us. “Put on the armor of God, in order that you can stand firm against the tactics of the devil.” “For, our struggle,” St. Paul tells us, “is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the rulers of this darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.” (Eph 6:10-12).

So let’s be clear: Human beings are not Satan, but certainly they can come under his power, even without their fully realizing it. When we, in our sinfulness, put something in the place of God: pleasure and convenience; material success; political power and prestige, we open a door for the principalities and contrary spirits who war against God. They want you and me for their prize. When we forsake God and outwardly reject His law and what we know to be His will, we make an easy victory for our supernatural enemies. We fall right into their hands.

What about the persons who wish to establish a path of living which contravenes God’s law: promoting abortion; unnatural substitutes for marriage, and all such distortions of true freedom? Here Jesus is clear: “But I say to you, love your enemies: and pray for those who persecute you.” ( Matt 5:44)
We cannot hate these human enemies, and we must find a way to love them. But we need not show them any sign of agreement. We pray for them. We do not lie to them – and we seek that which pertains to their conversion – not to their worldly comforts, but to their eternal salvation. To ignore their destructive errors, particularly those that cost the lives of others, is to shirk our responsibility to attend to their eternal salvation.
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So, in between helping Paul study for his classes in college, driving him back and forth and working, I began to pray for all souls to go to heaven. I started to visualize people’s souls being physically attacked by satan and I found a tenderness in my heart for them. I know how often and how effective satan's attacks have been on me and my family, so I feel genuine compassion for everyone who is suffering from these attacks. Hate the sin, love the sinner. Additionally, I have set my cell phone to sound off at 3 PM so that I don’t miss the hour of death of Our Lord Jesus, when I offer up all the suffering of my family, friends and our world to The Divine Mercy. Armed with the Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet and frequent attendance at Mass where we receive the Body of Christ, we have heaven on our side and that is reason for great hope, faith and love.

By now you must be wondering if this blog is about Paul. Yes it is, but I said it at the beginning and I will repeat it now. This is and always will be God’s story and we are but a small part of it. As our personal battles continue, we struggle to not lose sight of God.

Paul finished the Fall semester with an A, but needed 95% input from Jon and me. We had to practically write all the papers for him. Full of worry, I called Dee Huggins and she said that they had to help their son for the first few semesters before he was able to do everything on his own. So, with that bit of information, we had some hope and encouraged Paul to register for 2 classes in the Spring. He was registering late and had to take what would fit in with my work schedule. He took Sociology and Computer Science. He was blessed with a teacher who gave weekly tests in Sociology. That would be bite size pieces of information to retain and we felt Paul could handle that. He got off to a rocky start, and after failing the first test and barely passing the next one, he was quite discouraged. We literally shut down our lives to help him study 2-3 hours every weekday evening, and 5 hours on Saturday/Sundays. Memorization was very difficult for Paul. We realized too that his limited verbal skills made it slow going as he read the chapters. We told him to stop at words he did not know and look them up. Then we would have him summarize what he had read each evening to make sure he understood the concepts. That part went well, but when it came time to take the test, his memory would fail him. After 7-8 weeks, we found an online study guide with practice tests and flash cards for the textbook and things started to improve immensely. He called me the day he got his first 100% and his excitement was over the top. He talked about it for days. He was able to give a 50% effort on his mid-term research paper, so that was great improvement as far as we were concerned. He received his final exam instructions and it was going to be a 5 page paper. He had a couple weeks to finish it, so we asked him to start the paper. We wanted to see what he could accomplish. He met the challenge and wrote 100% of it. He asked us to proof read it and there were only a few minor corrections. He had a low A average from his combined mid-term and weekly exam grades, so we felt it would be good to let him do all this on his own. He needed to keep a B average overall to keep the Hope Scholarship. He got his grades this week and he received an A in Sociology and an A in Computer Science. (We provided no help in Computer Science as it was all in class work and tests. He has remembered a lot about computers since his accident, so this was an easy A! )

Along with great grades, Paul met a wonderful friend. He had said before that he would not be able to meet people, since he was now that ‘handicapped’ person. He felt that with his facial paralysis, people would assume he was mentally deficient. The first day of class, a woman (she is married, in her 30’s, has 2 children and wanted to finish her college degree) asked to borrow his textbook. It turns out, she had both classes with Paul and they struck up a friendship. She has been a huge help for Paul. She provided the encouragement Paul needed to work really hard in both classes. She would call him to ask questions regarding Computer Science class and Paul called her about questions in Sociology. Early in the semester, Paul started to talk about maybe quitting college and just finding a job where he could maybe grow with the company. This became a battleground for Paul and us. At the end of the semester, Paul and Mary Jo went to celebrate over lunch and she mentioned to Paul about the importance of a degree. On the way home, he was conveying all the reasons why he needs to continue in his attempts at college. Voilà! God’s hand at work! Battle over. (What do parents know anyway?)

Paul and Jon play guitars almost nightly. We have struck a deal with Paul. No summer classes as long as he continues to work on some form of academic study and plays his guitar/piano every day. Jerry is going to help get him swimming as often as possible for aerobic exercise. We have coordinated our ‘attack’ as we continue to sell Paul on the benefits of a nutritious diet. Some battles may not be won! Paul loves to go out to eat.

We have been working since last November to obtain the funding for Paul to take at least 10 hours of driving coursework/skills at Shepherd Center. The cost is $150 per hour of training, with a minimum of 10 hours needed. We finally got the approval and funds will be available in July. Shepherd Center has already finished all its processes getting the state approved vision tests done. Paul will start his driving course sometime in July and we hope that he will be driving by Fall. Almost 4 years since his accident and he will have made great strides towards a higher level of independence!

While Paul has not 'made it to California' yet on this journey forward, James did. He finished his year of training as an officer in the Marine Corps and will be there until July. Then he will be stationed in Japan. It was not his first choice, needless to say. But if you ask him how he is, he is still responding, “living the dream”.

Jon and Marie welcomed a baby girl, Isabella, into our world in April. Let me tell you, I can see how people can be addicted to shopping! After 4 sons and my first grandson, I am thoroughly enjoying browsing in the baby girls department. Now, if we could just move closer to all of them!

Michael finished his sophomore year in college and will continue his cross country team in the Fall. He runs 10 – 15 miles daily and amazes us with his discipline. He hopes to transfer to Georgia Tech next Spring. He wanted one more season of cross country running with his current school, since they are finally funding this athletic program. Michael was the first person ever to win a conference race for the school and that started their real interest in this sport.

Jon and I can see a very small light at the end of the tunnel. We were able to take a little trip by ourselves to Virginia to be with James as he graduated from The Basic School (officer school). We drove so that we would have plenty of time to enjoy the ‘pocket of peace’ the long drive provided. We feel more comfortable making plans a month or two in advance since, praise be to God, we have had the relief of no hospital stay for over a year.

If you are still checking this blog, thank you so much for your prayers. You know well the power there is in prayer. Now that school is out for the Summer, I hope to fill in some of the blank spaces of these past months, while keeping you up to date on what Paul continues to accomplish. Paul knows well that it is all in God’s hands and he places all his trust there. His prayer continues to be “help me heal completely, but if it be Your will that I have to suffer longer, I will do this”. Paul’s love of God is a daily lesson for me. He truly becomes the teacher.

Come Holy Spirit, renew in our hearts a greater love of God and each other. May our lives be ‘a tour of duty for God’.

Peace in Our Risen Lord,
Jon and Rebecca