11/11/05. Five years already?! Wow. Five years ago today I was waiting to see Paul in the emergency room. I know I will never forget how I felt that evening. I remember how my heart was thumping wildly in my chest, how I could not get my leg to quit shaking. My mind was literally racing back and forth, over years of memories of my son and what life might be without him. I could not control my thoughts, I really could not focus. I tried to calm everything inside of me by saying the Hail Mary over and over and over and then would just break into “no, dear God, no dear God, no dear God.”
Today, just as I do everyday, I drive past the accident scene on my way to work. Everyday, I thank God for holding me very close to His heart and for helping me put one foot in front of another. Everyday, I thank my dearest Blessed Mary for her walk along side of me. I never forget to do that, because everyday, I get to talk to Paul and hear his wonderful and loving voice. Everyday, he stops by or calls to say good morning. How joyous the gift of life.
I thought about all my sons today and reflected on the strength they brought to me and continue to do so. I thought about my husband and how he has been a rock throughout these years. I am surrounded by these strong men and I can’t believe my blessings. I thought about my brothers and sisters and how they raced into town to share their prayers and love with all of us. I thought about how friends came to be with us and how so many, near and far began a prayer vigil for Paul, which continues to this day. How joyous the gift of these lives.
Paul has come a great distance. Have we reached California? I would have to say we have crossed over the state line! He is able to drive within a 25 mile radius of our home. He is working 35 hours a week at DTSi. He went back to college for 2 semesters and did very well, albeit with some support from Jon and me. He can play his guitar very well again. He can comprehend anything, with complex issues taking more explanation or time. He has been able to get his eyes to work in unison, which took lots of therapy and exercise. He was so blessed when he got that referral to an eye clinic in Roswell, GA. He will have to continue this therapy for life so that his eye muscles will stay strong. Paul should be able to do anything he sets his heart on doing. It will take hard work, but it can be done.
So, what are the remaining issues? He has been left with a few permanent disabilities that cause him some problems. He is still paralyzed on the left side of his face. He can’t blink his eye and has to manually blink it with his finger. He has to put eye drops in every hour or so. His eye still has to be taped down at night. He has some trouble annunciating words due to the paralysis of his cheek. He will sometimes hold the left side of his mouth to pronounce words more quickly, if he is in a hurry. He can’t always hear very well and has to lean in to a conversation or has to ask for things to be repeated, even though he is using hearing aids. He has a loud ringing in his ears which bothers him greatly. We learned recently from a specialist that the doctors should have replaced the 7th cranial nerve when they did the first surgery to repair his facial bones. Had the replacement of that nerve been done in the first year, Paul would not have suffered permanent paralysis. It caused us great sadness to learn this. We were so preoccupied with solving his hydrocephalus that no one considered this other major issue. That first year was one of unbearable headaches and uncontrolled fluid on the brain, along with a number of emergency surgeries. There were so many serious problems that had to be solved and the paralysis was not #1 on the chart. Whether the doctors even had the knowledge about the time frame of replacing the nerve is anyone’s guess. And so, today, it is what it is. We prayed fervently for guidance and we have to trust that God was with us through it all. We have to move forward with great hope and trust. Heaven is in front of us. Heaven is the end of the journey, not California.
Paul’s faith has remained strong. It remains his most blessed gift from God. I cannot count the times when Paul has helped Jon and me in our own faith/life lessons. We have gone through very tough times emotionally and it was Paul who had the comforting words for us! I cannot count the times I have been in tears, crying over the suffering Paul has endured. It was Paul who had the reassuring and faith-filled words to lift me up. He has a wonderful inner strength that he is able to draw on. There have been many moments when Paul realizes what he has lost. He is very sad at what is going on in his life now - that others will always see him as handicapped. He sees how they look at him and automatically assume he is brain damaged. He knows that he had a brain injury, but also knows he is quite capable of being taught anything. He has had some very rude and condescending things said to him, even by some he considers friends. When he has spoken of it, I have asked him why he doesn’t ‘let them have it’! I get very defensive about anyone hurting him in any way. I have seen what he has had to go through all these years. But he will remind me that it would not serve any purpose to get into a verbal battle with anyone because nothing would be won that way. I have watched him silently endure some very harsh behaviors and let me tell you – it takes every ounce of my self control to keep from calling the offending person to ‘let them have it’. They take his silence as stupidity.
So, this past weekend, he came over to the house quite happy and told us he had just been to confession with his brother Michael. He was really excited that he had been able to talk to the priest about the hurtful behavior he has experienced lately. Do you know what he was most happy about? That he was able to confess the sin of thinking badly about these people who have been cruel to him and how good he felt inside about being forgiven. He said that they just didn’t understand and that it was more important that he stayed kind towards them. I felt so humbled and contrite about my very unholy response to these situations and I burst into tears as I ran over to hug him. Of course, my response pretty much shocked him and he wanted to know what could possibly have caused me to cry. I looked up at his beautiful face and said I realized why God had not taken him home to heaven that day 5 years ago. God needed him to stay here to help save his mother’s soul! I am impulsive and can have a bad temper, which is not a great combination. I cannot bear to see my family be the target of other people’s bad actions and then I totally forget how to respond with patience or Christ-like words or even an ounce of wisdom. While I have learned a lot from Paul, I have a long way to go since I started from so low a point! My Paul is truly a gentle and loving soul. (Well, except when we talk about him needing to eat more nutritional foods. We pretty much ignore that topic altogether! )
Paul will be going back to college in the Spring. He had stopped going a year ago and he did not want to listen to us talk about the importance of graduating from college. (Another topic we learned to avoid.) He just wanted to find a job where he could make decent money. He also wanted desperately to meet a Catholic girl and get married and have children. This, most especially, has been his desire for the last year. He has come to realize on his own, that the chances of his finding a job that would pay well enough are not going to happen without his finishing college. It is going to be a real challenge for him, but what has changed is that it is now Paul’s desire to finish college. We have great hope that he will succeed too!
He went back to college the first time because we pretty much forced it on him. It was really difficult because he was not able to drive and had to depend so heavily on us to go anywhere. Because of this, he didn’t try to make friends with anyone he met because he didn’t have much freedom to make his own schedule. Another problem was that he still had to get more recovery in his eyesight. He had a lot of problems focusing due to his eyes not moving together in unison. Given his disabilities, he needed to gain more confidence too. Most importantly, he needed to understand that things were going to be different for him and accept it. The burden of all these issues caused him to become very negative regarding school and so he quit and said he just wanted to work and try to gain experience that way. That plan has not worked out and he has accepted the fact that maybe God is closing that door to force him towards the pathway God has had in mind all along. We pray daily for Paul to know that path and to have the courage to follow it. We pray for the wisdom and understanding to help him.
Paul continues to work with the therapist at Shepherd Center to excel at driving on the freeway and at night. He hopes to achieve this goal by the end of the year. The woman he works with is a great blessing indeed. When she first tested Paul 3 years ago, she pretty much indicated that he would probably not be able to drive again. There were so many negatives – his eyesight, his depth perception, his peripheral vision, slow reaction time, inability to handle multiple tasks simultaneously, bad judgements/decisions in response to other drivers’ actions. At the time, I was relieved that Paul was not going to be driving so soon. My nerves were still too raw. But as time went on, I started to think she wasn’t judging Paul fairly. One day though, she spoke boldly and truthfully with us. She said that she was not just making sure Paul could drive as well as before. He would have to drive better than everyone on the road because she never wanted to see him back there as a patient. He had to have excellent driving skills because his life really did depend on it. The next accident would impair him for life or would end his life. Her duty to Paul was far greater than just a driving instructor teaching a first time driver. The fact that she was spending this much time with Paul was because she came to realize he could do it. But he would have to have perfect driving skills. We learned that less than 50% of brain injured patients ever drive again and she was one of only a few therapists who have even tried to help brain injured patients, because the odds were not in their favor.
What happened next was incredible. The director of this department that helped the severely physically disabled drive again, was encouraged by Paul’s progress and he decided to work on a system that would address the problems associated with getting brain injured people back on the road again. He and Paul’s therapist decided Paul would be a great candidate to be part of the pilot program and with Paul’s permission, would use him as a case study to further advance this instrument they had developed. Paul needed coaching as he drove, which meant that he might have difficulty in transitioning to driving alone. The instrument had recorded prompts that Paul would hear as he drove. It was interactive in that Paul had to press a particular button after certain occurrences; like noticing the speed limit signs and checking his own speed limit, or keeping good spacing around his car, or using his signals. When he was aware of these things, he had to press the related button on the device. If he did not press a button after 2 minutes, the recorder would play automatically, encouraging him to remember to notice what was going on around him. One of the benefits of this was to keep Paul’s attention in case he became distracted. It brought his thoughts back to his driving. It is common for someone with TBI (traumatic brain injury) to ‘zone out’ if their brain becomes fatigued. After a few months of using this device, it was evident that Paul did not suffer from this while driving. This was a huge advantage for Paul. He is able to drive for long periods of time and he does not suffer from brain fatigue. This past month, we learned that Georgia Tech engineers have become involved with the technology of this mechanism and there is a patent pending, along with a huge national interest in the medical field. Paul is mentioned in the case study by number only, not name. He was part of the initial stages and was very instrumental in helping them move the program further along. Years ago I had asked “to what point and purpose, God? To what point and purpose?” God has occassionally graced us with answers.
In these five years we have changed in many ways and have created some good habits. We pray the rosary together almost daily. Jon and I try to go daily to the 6:30 AM Mass and we have our scheduled hour of adoration once a week at 5 AM. And, logically, we have taken a more vocal and active part in the Pro-Life movement. We have become prayer warriors and feel a strong calling to become more and more involved. We thank God for helping us see how large a battle we have before us. Silence is no longer acceptable for us. Last Summer, we were asked to come take part of a movement called Abortion – free Gwinnett. Our county has its first abortion mill and people have been asked to pray in front of it as often as possible. The first day we went, Jon and I looked across the street and we could see, looming above us a few blocks away, Gwinnett Medical Center. We could see Paul’s room from where we stood. “To what point and purpose did that accident have to happen?” Thank you Dear Lord, for allowing us to be part of Your Point and Purpose.
Our continued love and prayers are with you each and everyday.
Peace, love and Pro-Life!
Jon and Rebecca
Friday, November 12, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
California, Here I Come
Our lives are definitely getting back to where we were before Paul's accident. We are busy with so much more than just being Paul's care givers! Praise be to God for the fullness of our lives and the joy that brings. So here is the update.
We started the processes of getting Paul relicensed as a driver and that began almost 2 years ago. In between, we have had numerous doctor appointments, another major surgery, driving evaluation appointments, government/vocational rehabilitation appointments and social security/disability appointments. Then there has been the daily driving of Paul to and from work, and then the regular day in and day out routines of our own jobs and responsibilites. Most evenings have been spent working on therapies with Paul and we have also added the extra activities at church that we used to have and even a couple more activities I was not involved in. We also have welcomed one more grandchild in the family, along with another daughter in law and a fiance! While the pace has picked up immensely and I feel 10 years older, I remain incredibly thankful to God for the outpouring of the graces needed to get through all this.
There have been so many moments since I wrote last that I thought to myself......."this is so a blog kind of moment"! I would mean to sit down and get it written, but then the minutes in my day would run out and I would come to a screeching halt, and absolutely NOT be able to keep my eyes open.
One particular time was last Fall when we were finally able to get Paul on the dockets at Shepherd Center to start his first set of driving evaluation classes. It took the better part of a year to get the necessary funding and at long last we were ready to start. I had gone to the 6:30 AM Mass at St. John Neumann's and was driving back home. I had made this trip home hundreds of times before at this same time and not once had this ever happened this way. It was the morning of the first day of evaluations. I was going to head home to pick up Paul and then head downtown. I left church and as I was making the right hand turn onto Five Forks Trickum, the #3 ambulance that took Paul to the hospital 11/11/05 was going right past me. The road was clear behind it, so I was able to complete my right turn, putting me right at the back doors of that ambulance. Now, the funny thing was, about a year after Paul's accident, they changed out that #3 white ambulance with a shiny new red and black ambulance. I noticed it right away when our #3 was gone and the new one was parked at the fire station, because I had to pass it everyday I drove to Mass. I was really sad when ours was replaced. Not sure why, but I was. I guess the new one reminded me that time was moving on for everyone else and we were still walking at a snail's pace in our private lives. So......of course I took immediate notice of this special big white ambulance as it drove right by me that morning. I quickly saw it was the #3 ambulance. Paul's ambulance. With that big red number 3. I smiled once again as I remembered back to the day of the accident and that moment when I realized that Paul was in an ambulance marked by the same number as the Trinity.......Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I was comforted that awful day by these very little signs from God that He was in charge!
So, here I was, almost 4 years later, driving behind that ambulance again. Since Paul's accident, there has not been ONE time where I have been right behind an ambulance. And now, here I was following it on the very day I was going to take Paul to his first driver's training class. This "Godincidence" was not lost on me. It was like God was telling me it was time to let go of those really intensely sad memories and time to move forward with renewed hope. I was now following that ambulance with a new horizon in front of us and the old memory of following that ambulance was replaced with a much better memory. Following this thought, I remembered right away that I had never gone to the fire station to thank those wonderful men for the help they provided in keeping Paul alive. They worked hard and gave it their all. I always meant to stop by, but I was always on my way somewhere and didn't seem to have the time. I was given the sign that it was time! I followed that ambulance for about a mile and right into the parking lot of the fire station. It did feel strange following it again. I vividly remembered back to that afternoon, when I was driving down the road trying to find Paul's car. I realized too late I had passed him right by. I thought his car was on the street, but it was in someone's front yard, so I didn't see it. I was down 2 blocks and realized from the stopped traffic in the oncoming lane, that he was back behind me. Traffic was piled up for at least 1/2 a mile. I could not turn around and get back to him. Then the big white #3 ambulance came right in front of me at the intersection and I made a u-turn in the middle of that intersection, and followed right behind that ambulance as he cleared a pathway all the way back to the scene.
Yes, it felt so strange to be following it once again. The driver got out and looked at me kind of strangely as I walked over to him. It was time for the shift to change, so a lot of the firemen/paramedics were standing around. I introduced myself and told them that I wanted to thank them and let them know they had saved a life. While they may not remember the accident, we surely remembered their heroic efforts that day. Amazingly one man did remember. He said he had just come on his shift when the ambulance was returning to the station. He remembers the men telling him about the really bad accident and the fact that they didn't expect the driver to live. He smiled a big smile and said it always is good to hear these kinds of stories and how things turned out better than expected. They were also pleased to hear where I was taking Paul that very day!
And the end of this story is....Paul can drive himself into that parking lot next week.........when his license will be valid again. We had our last day of training today and Paul has been given clearance to drive unsupervised during the day. He will need more training for night time driving, given the limitations in his vision. He has had to do nightly vision excercises for the last 6 months and it has helped him a lot to regain more movement in his left eye and also to help him have coordinated movement in both eyes. We wish we had been given these theraputic excercises years ago, but better late than never. We are thankful and know everything has happened in God's time frame. Oh yes......how we have learned that lesson!
I wanted to let everyone know where their prayers have taken Paul. He still has a long way to go in some areas, but has come from so far away. He has definitely made it to Gallup, NM......ah,Gallup - that is another great story I will share you with. I do promise it to tell it very, very soon. I have so much to tell you regarding this faith filled story, this "God Story".
Stay tuned. I'll be right back.
Peace, love and happy trails to you,
Jon and Rebecca
We started the processes of getting Paul relicensed as a driver and that began almost 2 years ago. In between, we have had numerous doctor appointments, another major surgery, driving evaluation appointments, government/vocational rehabilitation appointments and social security/disability appointments. Then there has been the daily driving of Paul to and from work, and then the regular day in and day out routines of our own jobs and responsibilites. Most evenings have been spent working on therapies with Paul and we have also added the extra activities at church that we used to have and even a couple more activities I was not involved in. We also have welcomed one more grandchild in the family, along with another daughter in law and a fiance! While the pace has picked up immensely and I feel 10 years older, I remain incredibly thankful to God for the outpouring of the graces needed to get through all this.
There have been so many moments since I wrote last that I thought to myself......."this is so a blog kind of moment"! I would mean to sit down and get it written, but then the minutes in my day would run out and I would come to a screeching halt, and absolutely NOT be able to keep my eyes open.
One particular time was last Fall when we were finally able to get Paul on the dockets at Shepherd Center to start his first set of driving evaluation classes. It took the better part of a year to get the necessary funding and at long last we were ready to start. I had gone to the 6:30 AM Mass at St. John Neumann's and was driving back home. I had made this trip home hundreds of times before at this same time and not once had this ever happened this way. It was the morning of the first day of evaluations. I was going to head home to pick up Paul and then head downtown. I left church and as I was making the right hand turn onto Five Forks Trickum, the #3 ambulance that took Paul to the hospital 11/11/05 was going right past me. The road was clear behind it, so I was able to complete my right turn, putting me right at the back doors of that ambulance. Now, the funny thing was, about a year after Paul's accident, they changed out that #3 white ambulance with a shiny new red and black ambulance. I noticed it right away when our #3 was gone and the new one was parked at the fire station, because I had to pass it everyday I drove to Mass. I was really sad when ours was replaced. Not sure why, but I was. I guess the new one reminded me that time was moving on for everyone else and we were still walking at a snail's pace in our private lives. So......of course I took immediate notice of this special big white ambulance as it drove right by me that morning. I quickly saw it was the #3 ambulance. Paul's ambulance. With that big red number 3. I smiled once again as I remembered back to the day of the accident and that moment when I realized that Paul was in an ambulance marked by the same number as the Trinity.......Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I was comforted that awful day by these very little signs from God that He was in charge!
So, here I was, almost 4 years later, driving behind that ambulance again. Since Paul's accident, there has not been ONE time where I have been right behind an ambulance. And now, here I was following it on the very day I was going to take Paul to his first driver's training class. This "Godincidence" was not lost on me. It was like God was telling me it was time to let go of those really intensely sad memories and time to move forward with renewed hope. I was now following that ambulance with a new horizon in front of us and the old memory of following that ambulance was replaced with a much better memory. Following this thought, I remembered right away that I had never gone to the fire station to thank those wonderful men for the help they provided in keeping Paul alive. They worked hard and gave it their all. I always meant to stop by, but I was always on my way somewhere and didn't seem to have the time. I was given the sign that it was time! I followed that ambulance for about a mile and right into the parking lot of the fire station. It did feel strange following it again. I vividly remembered back to that afternoon, when I was driving down the road trying to find Paul's car. I realized too late I had passed him right by. I thought his car was on the street, but it was in someone's front yard, so I didn't see it. I was down 2 blocks and realized from the stopped traffic in the oncoming lane, that he was back behind me. Traffic was piled up for at least 1/2 a mile. I could not turn around and get back to him. Then the big white #3 ambulance came right in front of me at the intersection and I made a u-turn in the middle of that intersection, and followed right behind that ambulance as he cleared a pathway all the way back to the scene.
Yes, it felt so strange to be following it once again. The driver got out and looked at me kind of strangely as I walked over to him. It was time for the shift to change, so a lot of the firemen/paramedics were standing around. I introduced myself and told them that I wanted to thank them and let them know they had saved a life. While they may not remember the accident, we surely remembered their heroic efforts that day. Amazingly one man did remember. He said he had just come on his shift when the ambulance was returning to the station. He remembers the men telling him about the really bad accident and the fact that they didn't expect the driver to live. He smiled a big smile and said it always is good to hear these kinds of stories and how things turned out better than expected. They were also pleased to hear where I was taking Paul that very day!
And the end of this story is....Paul can drive himself into that parking lot next week.........when his license will be valid again. We had our last day of training today and Paul has been given clearance to drive unsupervised during the day. He will need more training for night time driving, given the limitations in his vision. He has had to do nightly vision excercises for the last 6 months and it has helped him a lot to regain more movement in his left eye and also to help him have coordinated movement in both eyes. We wish we had been given these theraputic excercises years ago, but better late than never. We are thankful and know everything has happened in God's time frame. Oh yes......how we have learned that lesson!
I wanted to let everyone know where their prayers have taken Paul. He still has a long way to go in some areas, but has come from so far away. He has definitely made it to Gallup, NM......ah,Gallup - that is another great story I will share you with. I do promise it to tell it very, very soon. I have so much to tell you regarding this faith filled story, this "God Story".
Stay tuned. I'll be right back.
Peace, love and happy trails to you,
Jon and Rebecca
Monday, May 04, 2009
As Time Goes By
Today, I remembered vividly, an event that took place the day after Paul woke up from his coma. There were a couple therapists in the room and they sat Paul up on the side of his bed. They wanted to start assessing what was lost and what was still intact. Paul was like a wet noodle, having lost so much weight, strength and muscle tone. He was not comfortable at all and at one point, when he looked at me, I could tell he was agitated with their repeat commands to him. The moment I remember most is when the one therapist kept telling Paul to “move your left leg forward”. He had already moved his right leg forward, slowly and weakly. I knew he was suffering some paralysis all the way down his left side, and wondered why they were insisting on him moving his left leg. I spoke to the therapist in a soft voice that Paul was paralyzed on the left side. She nodded her head at me, with a look that said “Okay thanks, but can you go sit down now?” I did sit down, wondering how long she would keep up her command to move the left leg.
Paul tried to force himself towards the pillow on his bed, letting them know he was done with this exercise in frustration. The therapist said, “You can lie down after you move your left leg forward. Try harder”. Paul realized that he didn’t have the strength to push past the nurses and therapists holding him up, so he moved his right foot behind his left leg and pushed his left foot forward. Everyone laughed and the therapist said, “That is problem solving! That is what I wanted to see.” She immediately let Paul lay back down. She looked at me and said, “He is going to do great!”
As I sat here smiling at the remembrance, it struck me that it helps explains the delay in my posting a blog. I have been mentally and spiritually paralyzed. I believe it started after the elections and has gotten worse as I have watched, in horror, the dismantling of all the hard work of those who believe in the sanctity of life. I had been praying very hard as we got closer to the election in November, and after the election, even more fervently. I held onto hope that our new president would have a conversion of heart and would be open to God’s truths. As each month passed, my hope slowly eroded. My daily prayers were filled with pleadings that we would not continue to lose ground in the fight for the sanctity of all life. I sent faxes and emails to everyone I could, hoping that our voices would be heard. And each month brought nothing but one huge disappointment after another as our politicians have shown they are not listening. They have their agenda and it is bulldozing its way into our lives. I kept thinking of all those people who have worked tirelessly for 30+ years in the pro-life movement and how they must be feeling as they watch all their work gush away like water through a broken dam.
During Lent, when I finally felt spiritually dead, I went to Confession. I received some advice that opened the spiritual floodgate. I was reminded once again that everyone is a child of God -even those who seemed to be without God. We are all sinners and we are all responsible for each other. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ and now more than ever, we need to take care of each other. Especially those who are in most need of God’s mercy. My priest’s parting bit of advice was to not forget that Jesus left us with a sign of His everlasting love - The Holy Spirit. He is the “bomber“. Father explained that he likes to picture the Holy Spirit as a bomber that flies into enemy territory and lets loose a bomb of graces for those who are calling for God’s help. I had come into church feeling ’shell shocked’ after all the months of defeating headline news, but I left church renewed in hope. I smiled up at heaven above while asking the Holy Spirit to ’bomb away!’
In the first week of Easter, I received even greater clarity when I read what Bishop Finn in Kansas City wrote:
___________________________________
We are at war.
Harsh as this may sound it is true – but it is not new. This war to which I refer did not begin in just the last several months, although new battles are underway – and they bring an intensity and urgency to our efforts that may rival any time in the past.
But it is correct to acknowledge that you and I are warriors - members of the Church on earth – often called the Church Militant. Those who have gone ahead of us have already completed their earthly battles. Some make up the Church Triumphant – Saints in heaven who surround and support us still – tremendous allies in the battle for our eternal salvation; and the Church Suffering (souls in purgatory who depend on our prayers and meritorious works and suffrages). But we are the Church on Earth – The Church Militant. We are engaged in a constant warfare with Satan, with the glamour of evil, and the lure of false truths and empty promises. If we fail to realize how constantly these forces work against us, we are more likely to fall, and even chance forfeiting God’s gift of eternal life - The ultimate promise of the Gospel.
Before I go any further I must proclaim a most important truth – a truth that we have just been celebrating throughout the last week: Jesus Christ, in His life, death, and Resurrection, has already won the war: definitively and once for all. He has conquered sin and death and has won the prize of life on high in heaven forever. We know the final outcome, but the battle for eternal life is now played out in each human heart with a free will to love or not, to be faithful or to walk away from the life which has been offered as God’s most wonderful gift.
Every day the choice is before us: right or wrong; good or bad; the blessing or the curse; life or death. Our whole life must be oriented toward choosing right, the good, the blessing; choosing life. If you and I fail to realize the meaning and finality behind our choices, and the intensity of the constant warfare that confronts us, it is likely that we will drop our guard, be easily and repeatedly deceived, and even loose the life of our eternal soul.
What can we say about this constant warfare? Our battle is ultimately a spiritual battle for the eternal salvation of souls – our own and those of other people. We are not engaged in physical battles in the same way military soldiers defend with material weapons. We need not – we must not – initiate violence against other persons to accomplish something good, even something as significant as the protection of human life.
But it is true that we might have to endure physical suffering to prosper the victory of Jesus Christ. He carried the Cross. He promised us that – if we were to follow Him – we also would share the Cross. We must not expect anything less. When you stand up for what is right – you will be opposed. The temptation will be to avoid these attacks. But through our responses we must see what kind of soldiers we are.
Our enemy is the deceiver, the liar, Satan. Because of his spiritual powers he can turn the minds and hearts of men. He is our spiritual or supernatural enemy when he works to tempt us, and he becomes a kind of natural enemy as he works in the hearts of other people to twist and confound God’s will. In our human experience people deceived by Satan’s distortions and lies may appear as our “human enemies.”
But, in his Letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul makes, for us, a very important distinction. “Draw strength from the Lord and from His mighty power,” He tells them and us. “Put on the armor of God, in order that you can stand firm against the tactics of the devil.” “For, our struggle,” St. Paul tells us, “is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the rulers of this darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.” (Eph 6:10-12).
So let’s be clear: Human beings are not Satan, but certainly they can come under his power, even without their fully realizing it. When we, in our sinfulness, put something in the place of God: pleasure and convenience; material success; political power and prestige, we open a door for the principalities and contrary spirits who war against God. They want you and me for their prize. When we forsake God and outwardly reject His law and what we know to be His will, we make an easy victory for our supernatural enemies. We fall right into their hands.
What about the persons who wish to establish a path of living which contravenes God’s law: promoting abortion; unnatural substitutes for marriage, and all such distortions of true freedom? Here Jesus is clear: “But I say to you, love your enemies: and pray for those who persecute you.” ( Matt 5:44)
We cannot hate these human enemies, and we must find a way to love them. But we need not show them any sign of agreement. We pray for them. We do not lie to them – and we seek that which pertains to their conversion – not to their worldly comforts, but to their eternal salvation. To ignore their destructive errors, particularly those that cost the lives of others, is to shirk our responsibility to attend to their eternal salvation.
____________________________________________________
So, in between helping Paul study for his classes in college, driving him back and forth and working, I began to pray for all souls to go to heaven. I started to visualize people’s souls being physically attacked by satan and I found a tenderness in my heart for them. I know how often and how effective satan's attacks have been on me and my family, so I feel genuine compassion for everyone who is suffering from these attacks. Hate the sin, love the sinner. Additionally, I have set my cell phone to sound off at 3 PM so that I don’t miss the hour of death of Our Lord Jesus, when I offer up all the suffering of my family, friends and our world to The Divine Mercy. Armed with the Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet and frequent attendance at Mass where we receive the Body of Christ, we have heaven on our side and that is reason for great hope, faith and love.
By now you must be wondering if this blog is about Paul. Yes it is, but I said it at the beginning and I will repeat it now. This is and always will be God’s story and we are but a small part of it. As our personal battles continue, we struggle to not lose sight of God.
Paul finished the Fall semester with an A, but needed 95% input from Jon and me. We had to practically write all the papers for him. Full of worry, I called Dee Huggins and she said that they had to help their son for the first few semesters before he was able to do everything on his own. So, with that bit of information, we had some hope and encouraged Paul to register for 2 classes in the Spring. He was registering late and had to take what would fit in with my work schedule. He took Sociology and Computer Science. He was blessed with a teacher who gave weekly tests in Sociology. That would be bite size pieces of information to retain and we felt Paul could handle that. He got off to a rocky start, and after failing the first test and barely passing the next one, he was quite discouraged. We literally shut down our lives to help him study 2-3 hours every weekday evening, and 5 hours on Saturday/Sundays. Memorization was very difficult for Paul. We realized too that his limited verbal skills made it slow going as he read the chapters. We told him to stop at words he did not know and look them up. Then we would have him summarize what he had read each evening to make sure he understood the concepts. That part went well, but when it came time to take the test, his memory would fail him. After 7-8 weeks, we found an online study guide with practice tests and flash cards for the textbook and things started to improve immensely. He called me the day he got his first 100% and his excitement was over the top. He talked about it for days. He was able to give a 50% effort on his mid-term research paper, so that was great improvement as far as we were concerned. He received his final exam instructions and it was going to be a 5 page paper. He had a couple weeks to finish it, so we asked him to start the paper. We wanted to see what he could accomplish. He met the challenge and wrote 100% of it. He asked us to proof read it and there were only a few minor corrections. He had a low A average from his combined mid-term and weekly exam grades, so we felt it would be good to let him do all this on his own. He needed to keep a B average overall to keep the Hope Scholarship. He got his grades this week and he received an A in Sociology and an A in Computer Science. (We provided no help in Computer Science as it was all in class work and tests. He has remembered a lot about computers since his accident, so this was an easy A! )
Along with great grades, Paul met a wonderful friend. He had said before that he would not be able to meet people, since he was now that ‘handicapped’ person. He felt that with his facial paralysis, people would assume he was mentally deficient. The first day of class, a woman (she is married, in her 30’s, has 2 children and wanted to finish her college degree) asked to borrow his textbook. It turns out, she had both classes with Paul and they struck up a friendship. She has been a huge help for Paul. She provided the encouragement Paul needed to work really hard in both classes. She would call him to ask questions regarding Computer Science class and Paul called her about questions in Sociology. Early in the semester, Paul started to talk about maybe quitting college and just finding a job where he could maybe grow with the company. This became a battleground for Paul and us. At the end of the semester, Paul and Mary Jo went to celebrate over lunch and she mentioned to Paul about the importance of a degree. On the way home, he was conveying all the reasons why he needs to continue in his attempts at college. Voilà! God’s hand at work! Battle over. (What do parents know anyway?)
Paul and Jon play guitars almost nightly. We have struck a deal with Paul. No summer classes as long as he continues to work on some form of academic study and plays his guitar/piano every day. Jerry is going to help get him swimming as often as possible for aerobic exercise. We have coordinated our ‘attack’ as we continue to sell Paul on the benefits of a nutritious diet. Some battles may not be won! Paul loves to go out to eat.
We have been working since last November to obtain the funding for Paul to take at least 10 hours of driving coursework/skills at Shepherd Center. The cost is $150 per hour of training, with a minimum of 10 hours needed. We finally got the approval and funds will be available in July. Shepherd Center has already finished all its processes getting the state approved vision tests done. Paul will start his driving course sometime in July and we hope that he will be driving by Fall. Almost 4 years since his accident and he will have made great strides towards a higher level of independence!
While Paul has not 'made it to California' yet on this journey forward, James did. He finished his year of training as an officer in the Marine Corps and will be there until July. Then he will be stationed in Japan. It was not his first choice, needless to say. But if you ask him how he is, he is still responding, “living the dream”.
Jon and Marie welcomed a baby girl, Isabella, into our world in April. Let me tell you, I can see how people can be addicted to shopping! After 4 sons and my first grandson, I am thoroughly enjoying browsing in the baby girls department. Now, if we could just move closer to all of them!
Michael finished his sophomore year in college and will continue his cross country team in the Fall. He runs 10 – 15 miles daily and amazes us with his discipline. He hopes to transfer to Georgia Tech next Spring. He wanted one more season of cross country running with his current school, since they are finally funding this athletic program. Michael was the first person ever to win a conference race for the school and that started their real interest in this sport.
Jon and I can see a very small light at the end of the tunnel. We were able to take a little trip by ourselves to Virginia to be with James as he graduated from The Basic School (officer school). We drove so that we would have plenty of time to enjoy the ‘pocket of peace’ the long drive provided. We feel more comfortable making plans a month or two in advance since, praise be to God, we have had the relief of no hospital stay for over a year.
If you are still checking this blog, thank you so much for your prayers. You know well the power there is in prayer. Now that school is out for the Summer, I hope to fill in some of the blank spaces of these past months, while keeping you up to date on what Paul continues to accomplish. Paul knows well that it is all in God’s hands and he places all his trust there. His prayer continues to be “help me heal completely, but if it be Your will that I have to suffer longer, I will do this”. Paul’s love of God is a daily lesson for me. He truly becomes the teacher.
Come Holy Spirit, renew in our hearts a greater love of God and each other. May our lives be ‘a tour of duty for God’.
Peace in Our Risen Lord,
Jon and Rebecca
Paul tried to force himself towards the pillow on his bed, letting them know he was done with this exercise in frustration. The therapist said, “You can lie down after you move your left leg forward. Try harder”. Paul realized that he didn’t have the strength to push past the nurses and therapists holding him up, so he moved his right foot behind his left leg and pushed his left foot forward. Everyone laughed and the therapist said, “That is problem solving! That is what I wanted to see.” She immediately let Paul lay back down. She looked at me and said, “He is going to do great!”
As I sat here smiling at the remembrance, it struck me that it helps explains the delay in my posting a blog. I have been mentally and spiritually paralyzed. I believe it started after the elections and has gotten worse as I have watched, in horror, the dismantling of all the hard work of those who believe in the sanctity of life. I had been praying very hard as we got closer to the election in November, and after the election, even more fervently. I held onto hope that our new president would have a conversion of heart and would be open to God’s truths. As each month passed, my hope slowly eroded. My daily prayers were filled with pleadings that we would not continue to lose ground in the fight for the sanctity of all life. I sent faxes and emails to everyone I could, hoping that our voices would be heard. And each month brought nothing but one huge disappointment after another as our politicians have shown they are not listening. They have their agenda and it is bulldozing its way into our lives. I kept thinking of all those people who have worked tirelessly for 30+ years in the pro-life movement and how they must be feeling as they watch all their work gush away like water through a broken dam.
During Lent, when I finally felt spiritually dead, I went to Confession. I received some advice that opened the spiritual floodgate. I was reminded once again that everyone is a child of God -even those who seemed to be without God. We are all sinners and we are all responsible for each other. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ and now more than ever, we need to take care of each other. Especially those who are in most need of God’s mercy. My priest’s parting bit of advice was to not forget that Jesus left us with a sign of His everlasting love - The Holy Spirit. He is the “bomber“. Father explained that he likes to picture the Holy Spirit as a bomber that flies into enemy territory and lets loose a bomb of graces for those who are calling for God’s help. I had come into church feeling ’shell shocked’ after all the months of defeating headline news, but I left church renewed in hope. I smiled up at heaven above while asking the Holy Spirit to ’bomb away!’
In the first week of Easter, I received even greater clarity when I read what Bishop Finn in Kansas City wrote:
___________________________________
We are at war.
Harsh as this may sound it is true – but it is not new. This war to which I refer did not begin in just the last several months, although new battles are underway – and they bring an intensity and urgency to our efforts that may rival any time in the past.
But it is correct to acknowledge that you and I are warriors - members of the Church on earth – often called the Church Militant. Those who have gone ahead of us have already completed their earthly battles. Some make up the Church Triumphant – Saints in heaven who surround and support us still – tremendous allies in the battle for our eternal salvation; and the Church Suffering (souls in purgatory who depend on our prayers and meritorious works and suffrages). But we are the Church on Earth – The Church Militant. We are engaged in a constant warfare with Satan, with the glamour of evil, and the lure of false truths and empty promises. If we fail to realize how constantly these forces work against us, we are more likely to fall, and even chance forfeiting God’s gift of eternal life - The ultimate promise of the Gospel.
Before I go any further I must proclaim a most important truth – a truth that we have just been celebrating throughout the last week: Jesus Christ, in His life, death, and Resurrection, has already won the war: definitively and once for all. He has conquered sin and death and has won the prize of life on high in heaven forever. We know the final outcome, but the battle for eternal life is now played out in each human heart with a free will to love or not, to be faithful or to walk away from the life which has been offered as God’s most wonderful gift.
Every day the choice is before us: right or wrong; good or bad; the blessing or the curse; life or death. Our whole life must be oriented toward choosing right, the good, the blessing; choosing life. If you and I fail to realize the meaning and finality behind our choices, and the intensity of the constant warfare that confronts us, it is likely that we will drop our guard, be easily and repeatedly deceived, and even loose the life of our eternal soul.
What can we say about this constant warfare? Our battle is ultimately a spiritual battle for the eternal salvation of souls – our own and those of other people. We are not engaged in physical battles in the same way military soldiers defend with material weapons. We need not – we must not – initiate violence against other persons to accomplish something good, even something as significant as the protection of human life.
But it is true that we might have to endure physical suffering to prosper the victory of Jesus Christ. He carried the Cross. He promised us that – if we were to follow Him – we also would share the Cross. We must not expect anything less. When you stand up for what is right – you will be opposed. The temptation will be to avoid these attacks. But through our responses we must see what kind of soldiers we are.
Our enemy is the deceiver, the liar, Satan. Because of his spiritual powers he can turn the minds and hearts of men. He is our spiritual or supernatural enemy when he works to tempt us, and he becomes a kind of natural enemy as he works in the hearts of other people to twist and confound God’s will. In our human experience people deceived by Satan’s distortions and lies may appear as our “human enemies.”
But, in his Letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul makes, for us, a very important distinction. “Draw strength from the Lord and from His mighty power,” He tells them and us. “Put on the armor of God, in order that you can stand firm against the tactics of the devil.” “For, our struggle,” St. Paul tells us, “is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the rulers of this darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.” (Eph 6:10-12).
So let’s be clear: Human beings are not Satan, but certainly they can come under his power, even without their fully realizing it. When we, in our sinfulness, put something in the place of God: pleasure and convenience; material success; political power and prestige, we open a door for the principalities and contrary spirits who war against God. They want you and me for their prize. When we forsake God and outwardly reject His law and what we know to be His will, we make an easy victory for our supernatural enemies. We fall right into their hands.
What about the persons who wish to establish a path of living which contravenes God’s law: promoting abortion; unnatural substitutes for marriage, and all such distortions of true freedom? Here Jesus is clear: “But I say to you, love your enemies: and pray for those who persecute you.” ( Matt 5:44)
We cannot hate these human enemies, and we must find a way to love them. But we need not show them any sign of agreement. We pray for them. We do not lie to them – and we seek that which pertains to their conversion – not to their worldly comforts, but to their eternal salvation. To ignore their destructive errors, particularly those that cost the lives of others, is to shirk our responsibility to attend to their eternal salvation.
____________________________________________________
So, in between helping Paul study for his classes in college, driving him back and forth and working, I began to pray for all souls to go to heaven. I started to visualize people’s souls being physically attacked by satan and I found a tenderness in my heart for them. I know how often and how effective satan's attacks have been on me and my family, so I feel genuine compassion for everyone who is suffering from these attacks. Hate the sin, love the sinner. Additionally, I have set my cell phone to sound off at 3 PM so that I don’t miss the hour of death of Our Lord Jesus, when I offer up all the suffering of my family, friends and our world to The Divine Mercy. Armed with the Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet and frequent attendance at Mass where we receive the Body of Christ, we have heaven on our side and that is reason for great hope, faith and love.
By now you must be wondering if this blog is about Paul. Yes it is, but I said it at the beginning and I will repeat it now. This is and always will be God’s story and we are but a small part of it. As our personal battles continue, we struggle to not lose sight of God.
Paul finished the Fall semester with an A, but needed 95% input from Jon and me. We had to practically write all the papers for him. Full of worry, I called Dee Huggins and she said that they had to help their son for the first few semesters before he was able to do everything on his own. So, with that bit of information, we had some hope and encouraged Paul to register for 2 classes in the Spring. He was registering late and had to take what would fit in with my work schedule. He took Sociology and Computer Science. He was blessed with a teacher who gave weekly tests in Sociology. That would be bite size pieces of information to retain and we felt Paul could handle that. He got off to a rocky start, and after failing the first test and barely passing the next one, he was quite discouraged. We literally shut down our lives to help him study 2-3 hours every weekday evening, and 5 hours on Saturday/Sundays. Memorization was very difficult for Paul. We realized too that his limited verbal skills made it slow going as he read the chapters. We told him to stop at words he did not know and look them up. Then we would have him summarize what he had read each evening to make sure he understood the concepts. That part went well, but when it came time to take the test, his memory would fail him. After 7-8 weeks, we found an online study guide with practice tests and flash cards for the textbook and things started to improve immensely. He called me the day he got his first 100% and his excitement was over the top. He talked about it for days. He was able to give a 50% effort on his mid-term research paper, so that was great improvement as far as we were concerned. He received his final exam instructions and it was going to be a 5 page paper. He had a couple weeks to finish it, so we asked him to start the paper. We wanted to see what he could accomplish. He met the challenge and wrote 100% of it. He asked us to proof read it and there were only a few minor corrections. He had a low A average from his combined mid-term and weekly exam grades, so we felt it would be good to let him do all this on his own. He needed to keep a B average overall to keep the Hope Scholarship. He got his grades this week and he received an A in Sociology and an A in Computer Science. (We provided no help in Computer Science as it was all in class work and tests. He has remembered a lot about computers since his accident, so this was an easy A! )
Along with great grades, Paul met a wonderful friend. He had said before that he would not be able to meet people, since he was now that ‘handicapped’ person. He felt that with his facial paralysis, people would assume he was mentally deficient. The first day of class, a woman (she is married, in her 30’s, has 2 children and wanted to finish her college degree) asked to borrow his textbook. It turns out, she had both classes with Paul and they struck up a friendship. She has been a huge help for Paul. She provided the encouragement Paul needed to work really hard in both classes. She would call him to ask questions regarding Computer Science class and Paul called her about questions in Sociology. Early in the semester, Paul started to talk about maybe quitting college and just finding a job where he could maybe grow with the company. This became a battleground for Paul and us. At the end of the semester, Paul and Mary Jo went to celebrate over lunch and she mentioned to Paul about the importance of a degree. On the way home, he was conveying all the reasons why he needs to continue in his attempts at college. Voilà! God’s hand at work! Battle over. (What do parents know anyway?)
Paul and Jon play guitars almost nightly. We have struck a deal with Paul. No summer classes as long as he continues to work on some form of academic study and plays his guitar/piano every day. Jerry is going to help get him swimming as often as possible for aerobic exercise. We have coordinated our ‘attack’ as we continue to sell Paul on the benefits of a nutritious diet. Some battles may not be won! Paul loves to go out to eat.
We have been working since last November to obtain the funding for Paul to take at least 10 hours of driving coursework/skills at Shepherd Center. The cost is $150 per hour of training, with a minimum of 10 hours needed. We finally got the approval and funds will be available in July. Shepherd Center has already finished all its processes getting the state approved vision tests done. Paul will start his driving course sometime in July and we hope that he will be driving by Fall. Almost 4 years since his accident and he will have made great strides towards a higher level of independence!
While Paul has not 'made it to California' yet on this journey forward, James did. He finished his year of training as an officer in the Marine Corps and will be there until July. Then he will be stationed in Japan. It was not his first choice, needless to say. But if you ask him how he is, he is still responding, “living the dream”.
Jon and Marie welcomed a baby girl, Isabella, into our world in April. Let me tell you, I can see how people can be addicted to shopping! After 4 sons and my first grandson, I am thoroughly enjoying browsing in the baby girls department. Now, if we could just move closer to all of them!
Michael finished his sophomore year in college and will continue his cross country team in the Fall. He runs 10 – 15 miles daily and amazes us with his discipline. He hopes to transfer to Georgia Tech next Spring. He wanted one more season of cross country running with his current school, since they are finally funding this athletic program. Michael was the first person ever to win a conference race for the school and that started their real interest in this sport.
Jon and I can see a very small light at the end of the tunnel. We were able to take a little trip by ourselves to Virginia to be with James as he graduated from The Basic School (officer school). We drove so that we would have plenty of time to enjoy the ‘pocket of peace’ the long drive provided. We feel more comfortable making plans a month or two in advance since, praise be to God, we have had the relief of no hospital stay for over a year.
If you are still checking this blog, thank you so much for your prayers. You know well the power there is in prayer. Now that school is out for the Summer, I hope to fill in some of the blank spaces of these past months, while keeping you up to date on what Paul continues to accomplish. Paul knows well that it is all in God’s hands and he places all his trust there. His prayer continues to be “help me heal completely, but if it be Your will that I have to suffer longer, I will do this”. Paul’s love of God is a daily lesson for me. He truly becomes the teacher.
Come Holy Spirit, renew in our hearts a greater love of God and each other. May our lives be ‘a tour of duty for God’.
Peace in Our Risen Lord,
Jon and Rebecca
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
WAKE UP LITTLE ................
I had that song, 'Wake Up Little Susie' in my head this morning as I reflected on this date, 11/26.
Jon and I were at Mass this morning and I whispered to him that this was the date when Paul woke up from his coma, 3 years ago. During Mass, I remembered the huge joy that erupted in our home that day. It was 6:30 AM when the phone rang. I was frozen in fear when it rang, since it was too early for family to call us. I will never forget Jon running out into the hallway shouting, "Paul is awake! Paul is responding!" The boys came racing out of their rooms and joined all the yelling and laughing. Within 10 minutes they were bolting out the door to go see their brother.
So I sat there this morning, in the quiet of the sanctuary, with that song going on in my head. The words of the responsorial after the first reading brought me back.
GREAT AND WONDERFUL ARE ALL YOUR WORKS, LORD, MIGHTY GOD! (RV 15:3)
"Let the sea and what fills it resound, the world and those who dwell in it;
Let the rivers clap their hands, the mountains shout with them for joy."
(Psalm 98)
As I sat there, I dwelled on the fact that I too needed to wake up from the darkness that I can slip into. I remember wanting to be the most holy person on earth that day, after God had done such great deeds for our family. I was determined to show Him my love and devotion all the rest of my days. As I sat in church this morning, 3 years later, I reflected on the fact that I had not kept my promise very well. At this time of year, when everyone takes stock of all that they are thankful for, I was thinking how long my list is. With all the blessings we have - our faith, jobs, health, home, family - I wish I had been able to keep my promise to God on that day, 3 years ago. I prayed that I too would be woken up to see with greater clarity, the Light of Jesus.
The end of the Gospel from today states, "You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perseverance, you will secure your lives." So, once again, with great prayerfulness and hope, I will work at being the holy person God so wants me to be.
After Mass, I read the meditation of the day, written by St. Paulinus, a friend of Sts. Ambrose, Martin of Tours and Augustine. Paul's accident was on 11/11, which is the feast day of St. Martin of Tours and today's meditation was written by St. Paulinus. Very cool, I thought to myself.
Perseverance as Service
" From the beginning of the world, Christ has been suffering in all His people; for he is the beginning and the end, veiled in the law, revealed in the Gospel, the Lord ever wonderful in His saints, in whom He both suffers and triumphs. In Abel He was killed by his brother, in Noah mocked by his son, in Abraham a sojourner, in Isaac offered in sacrifice, in Jacob a servant, in Joseph sold, in Moses exposed and put to flight, in the prophets stoned and sawn in two, in the apostles buffeted on land and sea, and in the many varied torments of the blessed martyrs put to death time and again.
And it is the same Lord who endures our sufferings and sorrows today. He identified himself with the human race and so has continually borne the mal-treatment inflicted upon us; for He knows how to endure suffering, which without Him we cannot and know not how to endure. It is He, I say, who continues to withstand the world in us and for us today, so that , overcoming it by His patient endurance, He may bring His power to perfection in weakness. He it is who suffers the taunts you endure, and by hating you this world is hating Him.
Consider the position from which we fell in the beginning and you will realize that it is by the design of God's wisdom and love that we are being restored to life. In Adam we were destroyed by pride and therefore, we are humbled in Christ so as to wash away the guilt of that ancient crime by practicing the opposite virtue, having offended by arrogance, we win approval by service."
I will continue in service by helping Paul move closer to all God intends for him. As always, I continue to learn from Paul. His humility, his incredible love for everyone he comes into contact with, his acceptance of his disabilities, his patience with the pain he has each day. And today, I am most thankful for his example of hope and joy, knowing that God woke him on that day after whispering in his soul. Paul knows this with a certainty and this knowledge moves him forward each day. As we prayed the other day, he told me that he knows God hears his prayers and that he has to wait for the answers. He is hoping that there will be a day when he can be a great husband and father, but also that if God has a different life for him, he wants what God wants.
Oh God, hear my prayer today.............wake me up and help me continue in humble service, with a greater desire for holiness, so your love will be known to all I encounter. Wake up our world and those who lead our nations, so that your light and love will be the example all your children can follow.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. We are blessed with your prayers and your lives.
God bless you and keep you awake and aware of His great love.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Jon and I were at Mass this morning and I whispered to him that this was the date when Paul woke up from his coma, 3 years ago. During Mass, I remembered the huge joy that erupted in our home that day. It was 6:30 AM when the phone rang. I was frozen in fear when it rang, since it was too early for family to call us. I will never forget Jon running out into the hallway shouting, "Paul is awake! Paul is responding!" The boys came racing out of their rooms and joined all the yelling and laughing. Within 10 minutes they were bolting out the door to go see their brother.
So I sat there this morning, in the quiet of the sanctuary, with that song going on in my head. The words of the responsorial after the first reading brought me back.
GREAT AND WONDERFUL ARE ALL YOUR WORKS, LORD, MIGHTY GOD! (RV 15:3)
"Let the sea and what fills it resound, the world and those who dwell in it;
Let the rivers clap their hands, the mountains shout with them for joy."
(Psalm 98)
As I sat there, I dwelled on the fact that I too needed to wake up from the darkness that I can slip into. I remember wanting to be the most holy person on earth that day, after God had done such great deeds for our family. I was determined to show Him my love and devotion all the rest of my days. As I sat in church this morning, 3 years later, I reflected on the fact that I had not kept my promise very well. At this time of year, when everyone takes stock of all that they are thankful for, I was thinking how long my list is. With all the blessings we have - our faith, jobs, health, home, family - I wish I had been able to keep my promise to God on that day, 3 years ago. I prayed that I too would be woken up to see with greater clarity, the Light of Jesus.
The end of the Gospel from today states, "You will be hated by all because of my name, but not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perseverance, you will secure your lives." So, once again, with great prayerfulness and hope, I will work at being the holy person God so wants me to be.
After Mass, I read the meditation of the day, written by St. Paulinus, a friend of Sts. Ambrose, Martin of Tours and Augustine. Paul's accident was on 11/11, which is the feast day of St. Martin of Tours and today's meditation was written by St. Paulinus. Very cool, I thought to myself.
Perseverance as Service
" From the beginning of the world, Christ has been suffering in all His people; for he is the beginning and the end, veiled in the law, revealed in the Gospel, the Lord ever wonderful in His saints, in whom He both suffers and triumphs. In Abel He was killed by his brother, in Noah mocked by his son, in Abraham a sojourner, in Isaac offered in sacrifice, in Jacob a servant, in Joseph sold, in Moses exposed and put to flight, in the prophets stoned and sawn in two, in the apostles buffeted on land and sea, and in the many varied torments of the blessed martyrs put to death time and again.
And it is the same Lord who endures our sufferings and sorrows today. He identified himself with the human race and so has continually borne the mal-treatment inflicted upon us; for He knows how to endure suffering, which without Him we cannot and know not how to endure. It is He, I say, who continues to withstand the world in us and for us today, so that , overcoming it by His patient endurance, He may bring His power to perfection in weakness. He it is who suffers the taunts you endure, and by hating you this world is hating Him.
Consider the position from which we fell in the beginning and you will realize that it is by the design of God's wisdom and love that we are being restored to life. In Adam we were destroyed by pride and therefore, we are humbled in Christ so as to wash away the guilt of that ancient crime by practicing the opposite virtue, having offended by arrogance, we win approval by service."
I will continue in service by helping Paul move closer to all God intends for him. As always, I continue to learn from Paul. His humility, his incredible love for everyone he comes into contact with, his acceptance of his disabilities, his patience with the pain he has each day. And today, I am most thankful for his example of hope and joy, knowing that God woke him on that day after whispering in his soul. Paul knows this with a certainty and this knowledge moves him forward each day. As we prayed the other day, he told me that he knows God hears his prayers and that he has to wait for the answers. He is hoping that there will be a day when he can be a great husband and father, but also that if God has a different life for him, he wants what God wants.
Oh God, hear my prayer today.............wake me up and help me continue in humble service, with a greater desire for holiness, so your love will be known to all I encounter. Wake up our world and those who lead our nations, so that your light and love will be the example all your children can follow.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. We are blessed with your prayers and your lives.
God bless you and keep you awake and aware of His great love.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Take Me To The Highway
Paul is waiting to lead the rosary service
at St. Stephen's on the 3rd anniversary
of his accident date.
How far he has come!
Judy and her son, Jerry were there too.
Praise God for their never ending
love and support for our family.
We could not have done it without
them.
Regarding Paul ever driving again, it feels like we have been on back wood trails for way too long. Paul had an eye exam a couple of months ago to test his peripheral vision to make sure it was within the standards set by the state of Georgia. Shepherd Center could not help Paul until they knew he even qualified in visual category. His driving skills were 'rusty' but they told us that he would be able to get additional training to get him back up to good driving skills and quick reaction times. They did not doubt he could master that. We had had seen one opthamologist and he did not have the equipment to do the Goldman test, which is the best way to determine Paul's visual field. After seeing another opthamologist downtown, we waited for them to share the results with Shepherd Center. After many phone calls to each place and finally my tone of voice giving a clue that this whole process was beyond ridiculous, the doctor's office finally provided all the information on the required form and they faxed it to Shepherd Center today. As all of you probably know, customer service is a thing of the past in America. This test of patience that God keeps checking me on, is starting to make me lose my patience! I can see it now. After I die, I will be met at the doors to heaven and St. Peter will tell me that I am being sent back and as a final test of whether I am ready to enter, I will need to go back and get copies of my medical records.
So, with the form filled out, we are working our way out of the woods and to the highway. We are waiting to hear from the Vocational Rehabilitation office (Dept. of Labor) for an appointment for Paul. Don't say it.................I know.............from the frying pan into the fire! A government agency is next on our list. They are supposed to help Paul with the costs of the driving program, which runs about $150/hour and he will need a minimum of 10 hours. We were told that this office will also help Paul with being successful in school and gaining more skills for re-entry to the work force. Paul has been blessed in that area. He is still working part-time at DTSi and he believes he is working quickly and efficiently at the clerical duties he performs. This company has been very kind to Paul by allowing him to return to work when he was ready. He started out with only an hour or two every couple days, and has worked up to around 20 hours/week. Some weeks are not as much due to his school schedule and papers he has to work on. It has been one of the biggest blessings Paul has received. He has been able to work in a place where everyone knows him and what he has been through. He works with people who love him! So wonderful and such a gift from God.
So, once we can meet with a case worker, we can get the driving course started. I am hopeful it will be sooner than later. I know it will do Paul a world of good to get more of his normal life back. It will be such a huge step towards more recovery. He was thrilled when I called him this morning. I was able to catch him before he went into his class. He called me right after it was over to discuss it all some more and to also let me know the grade on his last paper he had to turn in before the final exam essay was a very good one. It was an A. Paul also said he was able to participate a lot in class in the discussions. He does not do as well on pop quizzes and he had one today. He got 3 out of 4 correct, which is a 75%. He did not remember an author's name. His memory is funny. If it is of high interest to him, he will remember the most minute detail forever. With other things, he needs to be told over and over. Very quirky.
Paul did really well on Tuesday at church. He made sure he had a list of everything he needed to do. He led those attending the rosary service in song and read all the scripture passes without a mistake. He was quite happy with himself when it was over. He said he had a great "Happy Life Day" (what we named his 3rd anniversary date) and was really happy his brother's called him. He said Jon told him he would always remember 11/11/05 as the worst and best day of his life. It is a true statement for our family. The blessings definitely out number the difficulties. I am being very honest about that too. We have had some really tough days these last few years. There were times when I was so emotionally and physically drained that I wanted to give up and tell God enough was enough. And there were days that I said it out loud to God! There have been days that I learned just how far down despair can take you - and learned that your body will keep producing tears no matter how long you cry. But there have been far more days where God has sent little signs of His love, His mercy and His light. So many days that brought the love of family, neighbors and friends into our lives just when we needed it. The number of tears I have shed with joy are close to the mortgage bailout figure! I will repeat what I have said. I would not trade this experience in for an easier one because I have begun a journey with God that is hopefully going to bring me out of the woods and onto the highway.
Blessings to all of you,
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU
Three years and counting...................
I have to start with great thanksgiving to our God who has graced us with more love, laughter and recovery than I could ever have imagined we would experience since 11/11/05. How the power of pray has moved a mountain! I will never forget those first few months in the hospitals, nor the hours spent wondering where this would take us. We prayed with an intensity we did not know was within us and we were graced with an answer far beyond our hopes. So many prayers sent up to heaven by so many people.....it still amazes us to this day.
Paul is doing well in school in that he understands what is being taught in the classroom. He has participated on a number of occassions and is very happy as he relates how his teacher will agree with him and then expound on Paul's comments. It is interesting that some of Paul's comments are related to his music background and how in depth he remembers his theory. We are still prayerful Paul will rekindle his passion for music. As of now, it is dormant.
We have to help Paul a good deal with his 3-6 page essays that he has written for his class. He understands the material, but has difficulty starting the paper and keeping his thoughts organized. I have been blessed to have as my friend, the mother of another brain injured young man. I have written of her often and we still stay in touch. A month ago we met for lunch and she shared the path that her son has taken since his accident almost 5 years ago. She said that Paul is following the same path in a number of ways and that she too had to help her son a lot in the first 3 semesters he was back in college. He is now in his 5th semester and has taken a full load and is doing everything for himself. He lives in an apartment near the Atlanta rail system and uses that to get to class each day. He lost the sight in one of his eyes, so is not able to drive. But that has not stopped his progress and he is blessed to have a lot of his friends still near him to help him get around. Dee also said that her son was so much more like his old self and that even he realizes he has continued to recover in his mental abilities. She said that they still see improvement in so many ways and for us to remain very optimistic about the future for Paul. Hearing all of this helped me squelch some fears that had cropped up, especially in the area of school. Lately, I felt we had hit a dead end as we saw Paul struggle through this coursework.
I read something recently that reminded me that I have to let it go and trust God is guiding us along. I took a spiritual inventory and realized I am still battling my tendency to 'take control'. I was praying hard for God to help me because I really felt far away from that relationship I had been building upon all this time. I had a real battle going on inside. I would pray for a greater love of God and greater trust, but still felt very empty. I finally called out to God while in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament -"How long Lord? What do you want from me?" The following week I got an answer.
It was these words from Father Jean-Pierre De Caussade (1751 - a French Jesuit) that helped me:
"I experience impetouous desires of acquiring the gift of prayer, humilty, gentleness, the love of God; to this I reply: Let us not think so much about our own interests. My duty is to occupy myself simply and quietly with God, to accomplish His will in all that He asks of me, at the moment. That is my task; everything else I leave in the care of God; my advancement is His business, as mine is to occupy myself ceaselessly with Him and to execute His orders. It occurs to me that I am still so imperfect, so full of defects and meannesses, of infidelities and weaknesses; how long will it be before I am delivered from these things? I reply at once: by the grace of God I do not love my faults, I am resolved to combat them; but I shall only be delivered from them when it may please God to deliver me. That is His affair, mine is to hate these faults and to fight them with patience, penitence and humility until it pleases God to give me the victory over them. This is what God demands of me; He will give me more light and knowledge when He thinks it well to do so. That is His affair. I have placed all my spiritual progress in His hands."
Pretty much hit the nail on the head, wouldn't you agree? It not only applied to my relationship to God, but also my responsibility to Paul. God will bring to us all that we can handle in the day and we need to wait with patience for the next step. What will be, will be. I am to stand by and take orders from God, not give them...............such a tough lesson for this pitiful soul!
We still see the roller coaster recovery pattern. Paul is in a low spot these days. These are the times when I feel impatient. It is the time where the brain shuts down so he can get some repairs done. He has been very forgetful lately and not quite as sharp in his thought processes. I am not sure how long it will last, but we have been graced with recovery each time.
One huge thing he did was to go on a retreat with the Catholic Students Association at GA State this past weekend. He has been back in touch with the director of the program and has been going to the noon Mass on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he can. Rudy told him about the retreat in the North GA mountains and Paul made the decision to go. He had a very good time and came home exhausted. He tried to tell us all about it on Sunday when we picked him up, but he suddenly said he was too tired to talk. We could tell he was in overload. He was quiet for a little while and then continued to tell us more about it. He stayed a bit sluggish through today. He and Jerry went for a long swim this afternoon to get an "oxygen" fill up in his brain. The aerobic excercises are best for Paul and we felt it would help him a lot. Jerry is on vacation this week, so he hopes to get Paul to the aquatic center at least 2 more times.
Right before the election, our pastor organized a nightly rosary to be said at church. There is so much to pray for in our country and he knows the power of prayer is the answer. Needless to say, there were so many of our friends and parishioners that were so saddened by the outcome of this election, as it relates to the hard work of the Pro-Life movement. Our priest's response is perfect. We have gone almost every night and it brings us so much joy. There is a sign up sheet for people to take charge of leading it each night. They can choose the opening song and then they lead the congregation in the recitation of the rosary and then the Litany of the Blessed Mary. Then they lead us in a closing song. Tonight, Paul has signed up as a way of remembering so many parishioners who came to church one night and prayed specifically for him while he was still in a coma. Our family was shocked and overjoyed at how many people came. Three years later, our family is shocked and overjoyed at how many people are coming every night to pray for our country, for the unemployed and for an end to abortion. A sign for the times that God's truth will be carried from this generation to the next.
As I reflected today on these past 3 years, the title just popped into my head. God's response to His people, our response to God and to all of you who have prayed, our efforts to help Paul recover is summed up in those words. ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU. It will be this shared love that will move us through any difficult days ahead. Always and Forever. Praise be to Our Loving Father in heaven.
With much love and gratitude, we keep you in our hearts.
Jon and Rebecca
I have to start with great thanksgiving to our God who has graced us with more love, laughter and recovery than I could ever have imagined we would experience since 11/11/05. How the power of pray has moved a mountain! I will never forget those first few months in the hospitals, nor the hours spent wondering where this would take us. We prayed with an intensity we did not know was within us and we were graced with an answer far beyond our hopes. So many prayers sent up to heaven by so many people.....it still amazes us to this day.
Paul is doing well in school in that he understands what is being taught in the classroom. He has participated on a number of occassions and is very happy as he relates how his teacher will agree with him and then expound on Paul's comments. It is interesting that some of Paul's comments are related to his music background and how in depth he remembers his theory. We are still prayerful Paul will rekindle his passion for music. As of now, it is dormant.
We have to help Paul a good deal with his 3-6 page essays that he has written for his class. He understands the material, but has difficulty starting the paper and keeping his thoughts organized. I have been blessed to have as my friend, the mother of another brain injured young man. I have written of her often and we still stay in touch. A month ago we met for lunch and she shared the path that her son has taken since his accident almost 5 years ago. She said that Paul is following the same path in a number of ways and that she too had to help her son a lot in the first 3 semesters he was back in college. He is now in his 5th semester and has taken a full load and is doing everything for himself. He lives in an apartment near the Atlanta rail system and uses that to get to class each day. He lost the sight in one of his eyes, so is not able to drive. But that has not stopped his progress and he is blessed to have a lot of his friends still near him to help him get around. Dee also said that her son was so much more like his old self and that even he realizes he has continued to recover in his mental abilities. She said that they still see improvement in so many ways and for us to remain very optimistic about the future for Paul. Hearing all of this helped me squelch some fears that had cropped up, especially in the area of school. Lately, I felt we had hit a dead end as we saw Paul struggle through this coursework.
I read something recently that reminded me that I have to let it go and trust God is guiding us along. I took a spiritual inventory and realized I am still battling my tendency to 'take control'. I was praying hard for God to help me because I really felt far away from that relationship I had been building upon all this time. I had a real battle going on inside. I would pray for a greater love of God and greater trust, but still felt very empty. I finally called out to God while in Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament -"How long Lord? What do you want from me?" The following week I got an answer.
It was these words from Father Jean-Pierre De Caussade (1751 - a French Jesuit) that helped me:
"I experience impetouous desires of acquiring the gift of prayer, humilty, gentleness, the love of God; to this I reply: Let us not think so much about our own interests. My duty is to occupy myself simply and quietly with God, to accomplish His will in all that He asks of me, at the moment. That is my task; everything else I leave in the care of God; my advancement is His business, as mine is to occupy myself ceaselessly with Him and to execute His orders. It occurs to me that I am still so imperfect, so full of defects and meannesses, of infidelities and weaknesses; how long will it be before I am delivered from these things? I reply at once: by the grace of God I do not love my faults, I am resolved to combat them; but I shall only be delivered from them when it may please God to deliver me. That is His affair, mine is to hate these faults and to fight them with patience, penitence and humility until it pleases God to give me the victory over them. This is what God demands of me; He will give me more light and knowledge when He thinks it well to do so. That is His affair. I have placed all my spiritual progress in His hands."
Pretty much hit the nail on the head, wouldn't you agree? It not only applied to my relationship to God, but also my responsibility to Paul. God will bring to us all that we can handle in the day and we need to wait with patience for the next step. What will be, will be. I am to stand by and take orders from God, not give them...............such a tough lesson for this pitiful soul!
We still see the roller coaster recovery pattern. Paul is in a low spot these days. These are the times when I feel impatient. It is the time where the brain shuts down so he can get some repairs done. He has been very forgetful lately and not quite as sharp in his thought processes. I am not sure how long it will last, but we have been graced with recovery each time.
One huge thing he did was to go on a retreat with the Catholic Students Association at GA State this past weekend. He has been back in touch with the director of the program and has been going to the noon Mass on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he can. Rudy told him about the retreat in the North GA mountains and Paul made the decision to go. He had a very good time and came home exhausted. He tried to tell us all about it on Sunday when we picked him up, but he suddenly said he was too tired to talk. We could tell he was in overload. He was quiet for a little while and then continued to tell us more about it. He stayed a bit sluggish through today. He and Jerry went for a long swim this afternoon to get an "oxygen" fill up in his brain. The aerobic excercises are best for Paul and we felt it would help him a lot. Jerry is on vacation this week, so he hopes to get Paul to the aquatic center at least 2 more times.
Right before the election, our pastor organized a nightly rosary to be said at church. There is so much to pray for in our country and he knows the power of prayer is the answer. Needless to say, there were so many of our friends and parishioners that were so saddened by the outcome of this election, as it relates to the hard work of the Pro-Life movement. Our priest's response is perfect. We have gone almost every night and it brings us so much joy. There is a sign up sheet for people to take charge of leading it each night. They can choose the opening song and then they lead the congregation in the recitation of the rosary and then the Litany of the Blessed Mary. Then they lead us in a closing song. Tonight, Paul has signed up as a way of remembering so many parishioners who came to church one night and prayed specifically for him while he was still in a coma. Our family was shocked and overjoyed at how many people came. Three years later, our family is shocked and overjoyed at how many people are coming every night to pray for our country, for the unemployed and for an end to abortion. A sign for the times that God's truth will be carried from this generation to the next.
As I reflected today on these past 3 years, the title just popped into my head. God's response to His people, our response to God and to all of you who have prayed, our efforts to help Paul recover is summed up in those words. ALL FOR THE LOVE OF YOU. It will be this shared love that will move us through any difficult days ahead. Always and Forever. Praise be to Our Loving Father in heaven.
With much love and gratitude, we keep you in our hearts.
Jon and Rebecca
Monday, November 03, 2008
Power of Prayer
I have been praying with great fervency as this election day approaches and tonight, as I sat here awake at midnight, it occurred to me that it was the power of so many people's prayers that truly saved our son Paul from death on November 11, 2005. I have never been very public about my political views, but felt called tonight to ask everyone to pray once again for LIFE.
While there are many points of view regarding this election, I believe it is important to speak out when evil tries to prevail in our world. While social justice, capital punishment and the economy are important issues, these become moot points when the very source of life is the battleground. While I have never intended to use this format as anything other than a way to keep everyone updated about the progress of Paul and to ask for continued prayers for his recovery, I cannot stay silent on so important an issue. As I have begged for your prayerful help for these past 3 years, I beg for your prayerful response to end the holocaust taking place each day in America. There is no other way to end abortions than through prayer and fasting. The lives of millions of innocent babies are in our hands and we, a holy people, need to unite as one and pray without ceasing. It is interesting that so divisive an election is taking place in this year of St. Paul. It was this disciple of Jesus who urged his brothers and sisters in Christ to pray without ceasing and that message still holds true today. Please listen to the voice of Jesus in your heart. Vote and pray that America will continue to be One Nation Under God. In a study of St. Paul I learned that to believe in God means to be obedient to God. It is not as easy as it sounds, especially when faced with adversity here on earth. But once again, I have asked myself if my behavior will allow me to hear Jesus say, "Well done faithful servant". I don't believe being silent will help me hear those words when I die. We have to speak for those innocent souls that cannot plead for their lives. Just as I spoke for Paul when he could not ask us to pray for his life, I must speak for these innocent babies. Please pray with all your heart and remember that if we had the faith of a mustard seed, we could move the mountain into the sea. There is still time to cry out to our Father in heaven for this battle to be won. Once again, I plead for your prayers and fasting through election day.
"The fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3
"...nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake. I am the Lord." —Lv 19:16
"If you remain indifferent in time of adversity, your strength will depart from you." —Prv 24:10
Come Holy Spirit and renew the hearts of your people on earth.
God our Father, have mercy us and hear the prayers of the faithful.
In the name of Jesus,
The Fidero Family
While there are many points of view regarding this election, I believe it is important to speak out when evil tries to prevail in our world. While social justice, capital punishment and the economy are important issues, these become moot points when the very source of life is the battleground. While I have never intended to use this format as anything other than a way to keep everyone updated about the progress of Paul and to ask for continued prayers for his recovery, I cannot stay silent on so important an issue. As I have begged for your prayerful help for these past 3 years, I beg for your prayerful response to end the holocaust taking place each day in America. There is no other way to end abortions than through prayer and fasting. The lives of millions of innocent babies are in our hands and we, a holy people, need to unite as one and pray without ceasing. It is interesting that so divisive an election is taking place in this year of St. Paul. It was this disciple of Jesus who urged his brothers and sisters in Christ to pray without ceasing and that message still holds true today. Please listen to the voice of Jesus in your heart. Vote and pray that America will continue to be One Nation Under God. In a study of St. Paul I learned that to believe in God means to be obedient to God. It is not as easy as it sounds, especially when faced with adversity here on earth. But once again, I have asked myself if my behavior will allow me to hear Jesus say, "Well done faithful servant". I don't believe being silent will help me hear those words when I die. We have to speak for those innocent souls that cannot plead for their lives. Just as I spoke for Paul when he could not ask us to pray for his life, I must speak for these innocent babies. Please pray with all your heart and remember that if we had the faith of a mustard seed, we could move the mountain into the sea. There is still time to cry out to our Father in heaven for this battle to be won. Once again, I plead for your prayers and fasting through election day.
"The fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3
"...nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake. I am the Lord." —Lv 19:16
"If you remain indifferent in time of adversity, your strength will depart from you." —Prv 24:10
Come Holy Spirit and renew the hearts of your people on earth.
God our Father, have mercy us and hear the prayers of the faithful.
In the name of Jesus,
The Fidero Family
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
GOING OUT OF MY HEAD, OVER YOU
I have not been able to get much done on this blog, as I have had surgery to repair a rotator cuff tear and a bone spur in my shoulder. I have had very limited movement and can only type with my left hand. I had no idea I was so uncoordinated with my left hand! I have hit my cheek more than once as I try to get my toothbrush into my mouth. I will be more thankful than ever when I get back the full use of my right arm. Praise God for all that works in my body!
Right after the surgery, I was given a nerve block, (administered in my neck) to help with the pain I would experience after the surgery. I did not realize it had deadened my throat also. Later, when I tried to take a sip of water with my medicine, I choked because the water just flowed down my throat before I was able to hold it and then swallow. After I stopped choking, I immediately thought of Paul. I told Jon how awful it must be for Paul, since he still suffers a little bit with this problem. Along with not always being able to control fluids being swallowed, he can taste food only on his right side. He can smell only on his left side. So much we take for granted in our lives! When I saw Paul later in the day, he smiled and said, "And lucky you, you will get your feeling back by tomorrow." I told him I was sorry to assume I knew what it was like for him and he said that he was very glad no one in the family had to know what it is like.
He is so patient about his disabilities, yet sometimes feels very sad he looks so different. He said he misses looking normal and hopes some day there will be a young lady who will look past his facial impairments and will see who he really is. It has really started to make me very sad. We are coming up to 3 years and I do struggle sometimes with the realities with which Paul is left. I hurt for him so much. Amazingly though, God seems to bring some very bright and happy times right behind those moments. He has not forgotten, nor forsaken us. His graces continue to keep us moving forward.
Paul is enjoying college and is working very hard to do well. He had to turn in an essay a few weeks ago and on the day his 2nd essay was due, he got the first one back. He got a 65% on it, which is a D in that class. He was heartbroken. He realized after class that he probably would not do well on the second essay either, since he had not received the first one back in time to know what this professor was looking for. He started to work on the 3rd essay knowing a little more about what he needed to include. (We did not realize there would be so much writing in this class and that is exactly the kind of class we were supposed to stay away from on his first effort back in college. The low grade had Jon and me very concerned. Paul was never a strong writer, unless he was writing about music, so this class is quite a challenge for him. ) Last Tuesday, when Jerry asked Paul what his plans were for the day, Paul said jokingly, “I plan on getting a 98 on my second essay that I am getting back today.” At 11:00 he called me and told me that he actually got a 98% on his essay! He was laughing so hard and was incredulous that the day turned out exactly as he had joked about. He also said he planned on buying a lottery ticket and would win enough money so that he wouldn’t have to take anymore writing classes.
Another amazing thing that day was that they had watched a movie in class that they would be writing about for their 3rd essay. The scene in the movie on which the teacher lectured about was the same scene that Paul had already started to write about. In fact, Paul had his first draft already completed. He went to the teacher after the class to let him know that his first draft of his essay was done and that he didn't want it to look like he had copied the teacher's comments. His paper was saying the same thing. Paul asked if he needed to pick a different scene to write about. ( On a side note, Jerry had ordered this 1931 movie weeks ago so Paul could start to preview it much earlier than the class viewing, so he would have time to write his paper way before it was due.) The teacher told him that he could leave his paper as it was and that there will always be times when the teacher will be discussing the same material as a student may be writing about. The class is the history of international cinematography, with the emphasis on the shooting of the film rather than the content. Paul has been very good at seeing the symbolism and has understood that film, like music, tells a story without using words. His writing skills are more limited than before, so we proof read the essays and help him with words that would help him articulate his thoughts better. He has a dictionary/thesaurus handy and has been good about deciding what would sound better. On his 3rd essay he started emailing his papers to his brother, Jon, who is an excellent writer. Jon sent it back with suggestions on areas where Paul needed to explain in more detail or needed to organize his thoughts better. The computer does most of the spell/grammar check, so that was not needed as much. Paul spells very well, but has a limited knowledge of the meaning of words. He can use them in sentences easier than defining the words, when we drill him on different words each day. He also doesn't do as well at committing them to memory unless that is what he specifically sets out to do. With all the writing he is now doing, he doesn't spend much time on memorizing words like before. We have noticed though, that he is using better words to articulate his thoughts. Paul has received his third paper back and was given a 100%. His joy was immense and it has really helped him stay excited about the class. He has 2 more essays and an 8 page mid term and 10 page final exam left. A high mountain to climb, but Paul has been graced by God with what is needed at this time.
Like everything else in our world these days, nothing stays the same. Changes happen in an instant. Our country is experiencing some really tough changes as I write. One moment we are a stable economic power in the world and the next, we realize we are very vulnerable. We so easily start to take things for granted or get used to the patterns in our daily lives. In the whole scheme of things, we are reminded that even the most catastrophic events are just a blip on the screen in God’s universe. God uses these huge events and even the miniscule events of our personal lives to remind us of who is in charge. While I became very concerned and consumed about so many of these world events, the upcoming elections, the economy, the almost total lack of gasoline in our city, I was yanked back into my own little world once again. With all the hurricanes and other huge events going on, we had not been paying as good attention to Paul’s physical well being. It's amazing how we can get caught up in things totally out of our control and lose sight of what is in front of us. Paul has been saying his stomach/intestinal system has been upset. It has been on and off since August. He has missed a couple days of work due to his feeling poorly, but there hasn't been any other symptoms. We have been so preoccupied with his school and the world events, we didn't even notice Paul has lost 11-12 lbs.
On Sunday afternoon, Paul complained of a really bad headache. It was worse than he has had for a long time. We stayed with him late into the evening and then first thing Monday morning, he called and said his stomach really hurt. Immediately, I realized these were signs of a possible shunt malfunction. One thing that encouraged me was that his head was not aching like the day before. It was so strange to be back in the ‘emergency care mode’. After calling the doctor’s office, I realized I did not have enough gas to get to Charlotte if we needed to go. I checked on Paul and told him I would be back soon. I went in search of gas and after traveling to the next town over, I got in line and knew it was going to be almost an hour before I reached the pump. As I sat there, I was thinking about Paul and praying he would not need surgery. The words, ’hang in there Paul, I’ll be back soon’ came into my head and I started to cry. I used to say those words over and over as I would drive home from the hospital right after his accident. All those emotions came over me like a huge wave. It all felt worse when the gas station closed and I had to leave without getting gas. I was driving back towards our house because I didn’t want to leave Paul alone in case he really needed me. I was almost home and decided to go past our neighborhood to see if one of the gas stations a mile away had some gas. Amazingly, one had just opened and there were only 3 lines of cars, 4-5 cars deep. I pulled into line, thanking God for the help. I had sat there about 10 minutes, calling Jon to let him know I had found gas. Then the attendant came out to my car and told me that if I went around the building, there was an open pump on the opposite side. Out of all those people in line, he told me and it saved me some time. God is so loving and He hears us always.
As I pumped gas into the car, I talked to God about my huge concerns. I felt so overwhelmed with all the troubles in our country, my concerns about who might get elected and how it will affect us, how difficult this gas situation is, how sad I was that Paul is not well again. He got the full litany. As my gas tank filled, so was I. I was gently reminded that I am to take care of what is in my pathway. Since I don't have enough campaign funds to currently run for president, nor am I an economist by trade, I don't have a lot of imput other than to show up at the voting booth in November. Those are not my jobs to handle. It appears even those professionals haven't been able solve the problems. So, since I am a Catholic mother who is out of work on disability, I have been graced with extra time on my hands. I am to pray without ceasing for those who are in positions of leadership, pray for the graces our world needs to do God’s will, pray for my family while tending to their needs and continue to closely monitor Paul’s recovery. Pay attention to God’s promptings, Rebecca.
Paul has seen the doctor in town and they will first test for a parasite. I left a message with the neurosurgeon’s office and am waiting to hear back from them. Paul’s head was only at a pain level of 2 and his stomach still hurts today, but he went to school. Jerry took him so that I could keep my gas tank full in case we need to have the shunt tested in Charlotte. Looks like I have even more time to pray today, so I will start at the top of the litany I voiced to God yesterday.
God bless all of you in all ways. Take comfort knowing that God is still in charge, no matter what is going on in this small planet earth. Everything is truly His. Thanks be to God for that!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Right after the surgery, I was given a nerve block, (administered in my neck) to help with the pain I would experience after the surgery. I did not realize it had deadened my throat also. Later, when I tried to take a sip of water with my medicine, I choked because the water just flowed down my throat before I was able to hold it and then swallow. After I stopped choking, I immediately thought of Paul. I told Jon how awful it must be for Paul, since he still suffers a little bit with this problem. Along with not always being able to control fluids being swallowed, he can taste food only on his right side. He can smell only on his left side. So much we take for granted in our lives! When I saw Paul later in the day, he smiled and said, "And lucky you, you will get your feeling back by tomorrow." I told him I was sorry to assume I knew what it was like for him and he said that he was very glad no one in the family had to know what it is like.
He is so patient about his disabilities, yet sometimes feels very sad he looks so different. He said he misses looking normal and hopes some day there will be a young lady who will look past his facial impairments and will see who he really is. It has really started to make me very sad. We are coming up to 3 years and I do struggle sometimes with the realities with which Paul is left. I hurt for him so much. Amazingly though, God seems to bring some very bright and happy times right behind those moments. He has not forgotten, nor forsaken us. His graces continue to keep us moving forward.
Paul is enjoying college and is working very hard to do well. He had to turn in an essay a few weeks ago and on the day his 2nd essay was due, he got the first one back. He got a 65% on it, which is a D in that class. He was heartbroken. He realized after class that he probably would not do well on the second essay either, since he had not received the first one back in time to know what this professor was looking for. He started to work on the 3rd essay knowing a little more about what he needed to include. (We did not realize there would be so much writing in this class and that is exactly the kind of class we were supposed to stay away from on his first effort back in college. The low grade had Jon and me very concerned. Paul was never a strong writer, unless he was writing about music, so this class is quite a challenge for him. ) Last Tuesday, when Jerry asked Paul what his plans were for the day, Paul said jokingly, “I plan on getting a 98 on my second essay that I am getting back today.” At 11:00 he called me and told me that he actually got a 98% on his essay! He was laughing so hard and was incredulous that the day turned out exactly as he had joked about. He also said he planned on buying a lottery ticket and would win enough money so that he wouldn’t have to take anymore writing classes.
Another amazing thing that day was that they had watched a movie in class that they would be writing about for their 3rd essay. The scene in the movie on which the teacher lectured about was the same scene that Paul had already started to write about. In fact, Paul had his first draft already completed. He went to the teacher after the class to let him know that his first draft of his essay was done and that he didn't want it to look like he had copied the teacher's comments. His paper was saying the same thing. Paul asked if he needed to pick a different scene to write about. ( On a side note, Jerry had ordered this 1931 movie weeks ago so Paul could start to preview it much earlier than the class viewing, so he would have time to write his paper way before it was due.) The teacher told him that he could leave his paper as it was and that there will always be times when the teacher will be discussing the same material as a student may be writing about. The class is the history of international cinematography, with the emphasis on the shooting of the film rather than the content. Paul has been very good at seeing the symbolism and has understood that film, like music, tells a story without using words. His writing skills are more limited than before, so we proof read the essays and help him with words that would help him articulate his thoughts better. He has a dictionary/thesaurus handy and has been good about deciding what would sound better. On his 3rd essay he started emailing his papers to his brother, Jon, who is an excellent writer. Jon sent it back with suggestions on areas where Paul needed to explain in more detail or needed to organize his thoughts better. The computer does most of the spell/grammar check, so that was not needed as much. Paul spells very well, but has a limited knowledge of the meaning of words. He can use them in sentences easier than defining the words, when we drill him on different words each day. He also doesn't do as well at committing them to memory unless that is what he specifically sets out to do. With all the writing he is now doing, he doesn't spend much time on memorizing words like before. We have noticed though, that he is using better words to articulate his thoughts. Paul has received his third paper back and was given a 100%. His joy was immense and it has really helped him stay excited about the class. He has 2 more essays and an 8 page mid term and 10 page final exam left. A high mountain to climb, but Paul has been graced by God with what is needed at this time.
Like everything else in our world these days, nothing stays the same. Changes happen in an instant. Our country is experiencing some really tough changes as I write. One moment we are a stable economic power in the world and the next, we realize we are very vulnerable. We so easily start to take things for granted or get used to the patterns in our daily lives. In the whole scheme of things, we are reminded that even the most catastrophic events are just a blip on the screen in God’s universe. God uses these huge events and even the miniscule events of our personal lives to remind us of who is in charge. While I became very concerned and consumed about so many of these world events, the upcoming elections, the economy, the almost total lack of gasoline in our city, I was yanked back into my own little world once again. With all the hurricanes and other huge events going on, we had not been paying as good attention to Paul’s physical well being. It's amazing how we can get caught up in things totally out of our control and lose sight of what is in front of us. Paul has been saying his stomach/intestinal system has been upset. It has been on and off since August. He has missed a couple days of work due to his feeling poorly, but there hasn't been any other symptoms. We have been so preoccupied with his school and the world events, we didn't even notice Paul has lost 11-12 lbs.
On Sunday afternoon, Paul complained of a really bad headache. It was worse than he has had for a long time. We stayed with him late into the evening and then first thing Monday morning, he called and said his stomach really hurt. Immediately, I realized these were signs of a possible shunt malfunction. One thing that encouraged me was that his head was not aching like the day before. It was so strange to be back in the ‘emergency care mode’. After calling the doctor’s office, I realized I did not have enough gas to get to Charlotte if we needed to go. I checked on Paul and told him I would be back soon. I went in search of gas and after traveling to the next town over, I got in line and knew it was going to be almost an hour before I reached the pump. As I sat there, I was thinking about Paul and praying he would not need surgery. The words, ’hang in there Paul, I’ll be back soon’ came into my head and I started to cry. I used to say those words over and over as I would drive home from the hospital right after his accident. All those emotions came over me like a huge wave. It all felt worse when the gas station closed and I had to leave without getting gas. I was driving back towards our house because I didn’t want to leave Paul alone in case he really needed me. I was almost home and decided to go past our neighborhood to see if one of the gas stations a mile away had some gas. Amazingly, one had just opened and there were only 3 lines of cars, 4-5 cars deep. I pulled into line, thanking God for the help. I had sat there about 10 minutes, calling Jon to let him know I had found gas. Then the attendant came out to my car and told me that if I went around the building, there was an open pump on the opposite side. Out of all those people in line, he told me and it saved me some time. God is so loving and He hears us always.
As I pumped gas into the car, I talked to God about my huge concerns. I felt so overwhelmed with all the troubles in our country, my concerns about who might get elected and how it will affect us, how difficult this gas situation is, how sad I was that Paul is not well again. He got the full litany. As my gas tank filled, so was I. I was gently reminded that I am to take care of what is in my pathway. Since I don't have enough campaign funds to currently run for president, nor am I an economist by trade, I don't have a lot of imput other than to show up at the voting booth in November. Those are not my jobs to handle. It appears even those professionals haven't been able solve the problems. So, since I am a Catholic mother who is out of work on disability, I have been graced with extra time on my hands. I am to pray without ceasing for those who are in positions of leadership, pray for the graces our world needs to do God’s will, pray for my family while tending to their needs and continue to closely monitor Paul’s recovery. Pay attention to God’s promptings, Rebecca.
Paul has seen the doctor in town and they will first test for a parasite. I left a message with the neurosurgeon’s office and am waiting to hear back from them. Paul’s head was only at a pain level of 2 and his stomach still hurts today, but he went to school. Jerry took him so that I could keep my gas tank full in case we need to have the shunt tested in Charlotte. Looks like I have even more time to pray today, so I will start at the top of the litany I voiced to God yesterday.
God bless all of you in all ways. Take comfort knowing that God is still in charge, no matter what is going on in this small planet earth. Everything is truly His. Thanks be to God for that!
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
ATTENTION!
QUANTICO, VA
GRADUATION WEEKEND
JAMES FIDERO
USMC OFFICER CANDIDATE SCHOOL
FIRST HUG IN 12 WEEKS!
50TH HUG!
Paul, James, Jon,
Aunt Mary Beth, James
and his newly adopted
brother, Darvy!
Michael gets a joyous hug from
his Godmother, Aunt Mary Beth.
James and his brothers
checking out the USMC
national museum. Very
awesome place.
James ( in the middle)
about to take his oath
at the graduation
ceremony. No going
back after this point!
Group hug from
his brothers.
A very happpy moment
in our lives.
God is so good.
Jon could not have been
more proud of James
and this says it all.
James said he was able
to complete the extremely
tough course because he
wanted to make his dad
proud of him. Mission
accomplished James.
Time for everyone to
pin on a gold bar on
James, to show his officer
level - 2nd Lt.
Shining those gold bars!
Jon looks like a marine with
his haircut. He liked the
cost of the cut at the base - $7.00!
James and Jon Augustine
(who had on a marine t-shirt)
role in keeping James' morale
up. They visited him on
weekends, which helped so
much.
2nd Lt James Fidero
James ready to get some R & R off
base! Paul is so proud of his little
brother and sent him letters
brother and sent him letters
encouraging him to keep himself
centered in Jesus. If it was God's
will, he would find the grace to
finish. God's will be done.
centered in Jesus. If it was God's
will, he would find the grace to
finish. God's will be done.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Summer's End
Summer's End, but new beginnings.
I cannot believe it is the end of August.
I have wanted to write so often during this Summer, but have been so busy the time has slipped away from me. I am sorry I have abandoned this blog. Truly I am. A lot has happened in these last 3 months, so I will go back and catch everyone up. I have to admit that I have missed writing more than you will know. Our lives have been filled to the brim all during the Summer. Apparently, we are back to ‘normal’.
We just got back from Quantico, Virginia, where we attended the graduation / commissioning ceremony of James into the Marine Corp. Along with the news of the graduation, the other big news is that Paul flew for the first time since the accident. He was cleared for take off !
It was a very long 10 weeks for James and also for us. He was allowed to talk to us on weekends, and each week brought more news of the tough struggle he was experiencing. Each week he told us he knew this was what he really wanted to do, but he was not sure they wanted him. It is a very grueling program that challenged him physically, academically and mentally and where 40% of the candidates left on their own, or were asked to leave the program. I prayed often and with great fervency that if it was God’s will, James would be able to complete the program. It was his dream since grade school, where he spent hours and hours drawing tanks, airplanes and battle scenes. While I don’t relish the thought of my son going into battle, I prayed that if it was God’s will, then so be it. I have read recently about Pope Benedict’s writings about how we, as the laity of the church, are to take Jesus with us into our workplaces, no matter where that is. The work of the laity is not just within the church, but more importantly, out in the world. Jesus went out into the world and he sent his apostles out into the world, to bring glory to God our Father. I spent this Summer praying that all my sons would be led to their highest good, no matter the path. It is a prayer I will continue to my dying day.
We all worked long and hard hours this Summer , but Michael won the award for most hours worked. He put in 79 hour weeks, with only one weekend off. He had set a goal to make a certain amount of money so he would have enough to pay for school and also not have to work during the Fall semester. He is on the cross country team and will be putting in long hours training and studying. He attained his goal and like James, is about 15 lbs. lighter! Wish I could say the same…………….
Paul has continued improving in many ways. He is so much better about remembering what needs to be done and is taking care of his own needs. At the beginning of the Summer, we started to let Paul drive around town to help improve his driving skills. He was going to be tested at the end of July by Shepherd Center. He was really looking forward to gaining more independence. I was a tough critic, as I didn’t want him back out on the road when he wasn’t fully prepared or capable. He was patient with all my instructions and remembered things I told him each day. That is what I was most impressed with - his remembering so many things from day to day. His brain really does seem to keep improving.
Jon took him to the eye doctor to get his permission for Paul to continue the testing process. We were told that Paul’s cornea has some damage, although it is very minor. It has affected his vision and so Paul now is wearing glasses. It is serving a more important purpose and that is the protection of his eye. Paul got glasses that will darken once he is outside. That way, he doesn’t need to keep up with sunglasses. His pupil in his left eye is permanently dilated, so that is why he is so sensitive to the sun. These new glasses look great and he has enjoyed all the compliments he’s received!
Paul was tested in depth before he was allowed to drive. He scored in the normal range on all of them. He was taken out to drive and since Shepherd is in downtown Atlanta, that is where the driving test occurred. He had to drive their car, which as a Grand Marquis. Paul drove for an hour on the city streets and the freeway. After his driving test, the counselor went over the results with Paul and Jon. She said that she feels Paul’s vision is a hindrance and that he seemed ‘rusty’. Not exactly rocket science……………we know why! She said she was not failing him, but she was not passing him either. She said he would be tested again, and if he could not pass, would have to work through a vocational program to regain his ability to drive. Jon and I have watched Paul drive and felt she was very critical in her assessment. Also, she said she would see if the doctor would allow Paul to practice as long as we were in the car. She said she didn’t think he should do that and that he should sit as a passenger and observe us driving. I unfortunately was not there. I would have responded that no one becomes a better tennis player by watching! It is not that I am looking forward to seeing Paul drive again. I am very frightened at the prospect - it is a natural response after what we have been through. But I have driven with Paul a lot and he does very well. I w ill readily admit he was not ready for downtown driving and freeway driving, and in a Grand Marquis! I would not have driven well in a Grand Marquis! Our downtown streets are very narrow and Jon and I both hate driving there. One reason we wanted to help Paul get permission to drive was for him to be able to drive the 4 miles to work and back. There is a bus stop a block from his office and he could have used it to get to his class on Tuesday and Thursday. The bus goes near the university downtown and it would have been the perfect way for him to get to school and work. He was looking so forward to the freedom of getting to work and to go to the store for his personal things. I prayed that if it was truly safe, that it would happen.
And we got our answer. Paul has been very disappointed and was actually depressed for days afterward. We are looking for a psychologist to help Paul work through some of the emotions this has brought about. He has finally gained more awareness about his disabilities and has started to talk about his appearance and how it makes him feel. While I don’t want him to suffer from it, I know that it is progress for him. He hasn’t really talked a lot about the way his face looks. Now he does. He talks about that and also how he wants his constant headache to go away and he wants his eyelid to blink again and he wants to look normal. He said he wonders why God didn’t just bring him home. His brain is healing and his awareness is awakening. There is a tough road ahead. But I have to believe that God will help him and we will work diligently to find the help he will need to work through all those emotions that are surfacing.
If anyone is still reading this, please pray for his continued strength to accept the pathway God has set before him. It has been a long walk and he is coming to some forks in the road.
We will continue to get the help he needs to regain some independence in driving. We at least will fight to keep him driving while we are with him. That is the only way he will keep up his skills. We would like to see the doctor give him permission to drive within a 5 mile radius. That would get him anywhere he would really need to go. I will leave it in God’s hands and His time. As always. We are helping Paul understand and accept that God knows best. He does not need to be driving before he is truly ready. Oh, that virtue patience…………………….hard, hard, hard to attain.
Paul started classes at GA State University and I took him his first day. I told him I was going to walk way behind him, as I wanted to see how he would make his way around, but not be an embarrassment to him. He said he didn’t mind me being there at all, but I told him that it was good for him to just jump in and do what he wanted. He knew I was near if he needed help, but that he was on his own to handle the day. He remembered to give his disability paperwork to the professor right after class. He took notes during the class and was able to talk about what the professor said. He remembered so much and even noticed things I did not. Paul has always noticed the very small details and that is still his way. He knew the way to the Marta station, where he bought a month’s pass so he can use the railway system to get to school. It is a lot farther for us to drive to get him there and back, but it will work for him. He found the bookstore and purchased his textbooks. As he was walking back to our car, he saw someone he knew. It was Rudy. They met through the Catholic Youth Ministry on campus and had traveled to Steubenville University to hear Scott Hahn speak. Rudy recognized Paul right away and when Paul asked him if he remembered him, Rudy said yes and told him he had come to visit him while he was in a coma. Rudy told him too, that he had so many people praying for him. Paul said, “Well, it looks like they helped.” They talked for a bit and Rudy reminded Paul that Mass was at 12:15 every day in the student union. Paul continued to make his way around campus and remembered where everything was. His spirits were very high and he was having a great time. On our way home, he was very talkative and excited about being back at school. The disappointment of not being able to drive seemed to diminish greatly. Paul had a new experience and he was happy to see some of his normal life come back. There was a young lady who came up to him and told him that she new his brother Michael and asked him if he was the brother who had had the accident. I stood back and let them talk. On our way home, I told Paul that she had mentioned a couple of times that she lived with her parents in Lilburn and he looked at me and said, “ I should have asked her her name! She lives near us. C’mon Paul, where’s your head at ?”
We went over the textbooks with Paul and I talked to Jon in private about how this was going to be a tough class for Paul. It was exactly the kind of class we were told he should avoid on his first attempt at school. It was going to require a lot of reading and writing a number of papers. He would be required to contact principals of schools to get permission to sit in on 2 different classes with 2 different teachers and observe the teaching methods and then write his critique. Jon talked to Paul about it and he said he was a little worried about it. Jon said he would help him and they started to review the coursework. The books used were from an extremely liberal bias and Paul started to realize how slanted the perspective was. Both he and Jon started to realize the agenda the books were promoting and Jon told Paul that while he thought a teaching degree was awesome, Paul should really think about getting one from a Catholic university. The more they talked, the more Jon felt this class was totally an inappropriate perspective. Paul agreed and said that if he were to stay true to his faith background and wrote his answers that way, he would be sure to fail.
I looked over the material and was appalled at the extreme slant of these textbooks. While we are to take Jesus out into our world and try to bring the Glory to God, this is not the time for Paul to battle an extremely liberal agenda. He spent the rest of that evening and the next finding another class. We told him to do the research and we were there for help if he needed it. He found a class he can use as an elective in his degree program. He chose a class on the introduction of Film techniques that contrasts the different styles of directors worldwide. Paul changed out the classes online and attended class alone on Thursday. He was able to exchange his textbooks and did not lose any money. He also updated his student ID card and tried to find his new textbook. He called to tell me to try to find it on Half.com as the bookstore was sold out. He also told me he had met up with a room mate from his freshman year! His friend had joined the Air Force and was now back at school after serving the time. They had lunch and went back to the new dorms so Paul could see them. Paul was down at school from 7:45 AM until 3:30 PM! He did not call me other than to say he needed me to find the book if I could. He had a terrific day and was able to tell us in detail all that the teacher had talked about. I had ordered his textbook and had it overnighted since Paul had 60 pages to read by Tuesday. As of tonight, he had read them. He has written notes and is ready for class. He was telling Jon and me that he was talking to his best friend, Jonathan, and told him about the class. He said he joked around about how he decided to “bite the bullet and tackle school again by taking a solid 3 unit class …….yep, I am handling a full load!” Paul’s humor is still with him and we enjoy it immensely.
As the school semester begins, I am going to get back to my blog. I feel like God blessed me with this gift of writing down my thoughts and I derive so much joy from it. I have had so many moments where I wanted to share what I heard and saw, moments where I could connect the happenings of the day to God’s love and mercy. Thanks be to God, I have had this time tonight.
For anyone who ever checks back to this site again, know that I am praying for you always. I will carry all the prayer warriors in my heart every day I live.
Peace always, in our loving Savior, Jesus Christ.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
As always, pictures will follow. So many great ones to share!
I cannot believe it is the end of August.
I have wanted to write so often during this Summer, but have been so busy the time has slipped away from me. I am sorry I have abandoned this blog. Truly I am. A lot has happened in these last 3 months, so I will go back and catch everyone up. I have to admit that I have missed writing more than you will know. Our lives have been filled to the brim all during the Summer. Apparently, we are back to ‘normal’.
We just got back from Quantico, Virginia, where we attended the graduation / commissioning ceremony of James into the Marine Corp. Along with the news of the graduation, the other big news is that Paul flew for the first time since the accident. He was cleared for take off !
It was a very long 10 weeks for James and also for us. He was allowed to talk to us on weekends, and each week brought more news of the tough struggle he was experiencing. Each week he told us he knew this was what he really wanted to do, but he was not sure they wanted him. It is a very grueling program that challenged him physically, academically and mentally and where 40% of the candidates left on their own, or were asked to leave the program. I prayed often and with great fervency that if it was God’s will, James would be able to complete the program. It was his dream since grade school, where he spent hours and hours drawing tanks, airplanes and battle scenes. While I don’t relish the thought of my son going into battle, I prayed that if it was God’s will, then so be it. I have read recently about Pope Benedict’s writings about how we, as the laity of the church, are to take Jesus with us into our workplaces, no matter where that is. The work of the laity is not just within the church, but more importantly, out in the world. Jesus went out into the world and he sent his apostles out into the world, to bring glory to God our Father. I spent this Summer praying that all my sons would be led to their highest good, no matter the path. It is a prayer I will continue to my dying day.
We all worked long and hard hours this Summer , but Michael won the award for most hours worked. He put in 79 hour weeks, with only one weekend off. He had set a goal to make a certain amount of money so he would have enough to pay for school and also not have to work during the Fall semester. He is on the cross country team and will be putting in long hours training and studying. He attained his goal and like James, is about 15 lbs. lighter! Wish I could say the same…………….
Paul has continued improving in many ways. He is so much better about remembering what needs to be done and is taking care of his own needs. At the beginning of the Summer, we started to let Paul drive around town to help improve his driving skills. He was going to be tested at the end of July by Shepherd Center. He was really looking forward to gaining more independence. I was a tough critic, as I didn’t want him back out on the road when he wasn’t fully prepared or capable. He was patient with all my instructions and remembered things I told him each day. That is what I was most impressed with - his remembering so many things from day to day. His brain really does seem to keep improving.
Jon took him to the eye doctor to get his permission for Paul to continue the testing process. We were told that Paul’s cornea has some damage, although it is very minor. It has affected his vision and so Paul now is wearing glasses. It is serving a more important purpose and that is the protection of his eye. Paul got glasses that will darken once he is outside. That way, he doesn’t need to keep up with sunglasses. His pupil in his left eye is permanently dilated, so that is why he is so sensitive to the sun. These new glasses look great and he has enjoyed all the compliments he’s received!
Paul was tested in depth before he was allowed to drive. He scored in the normal range on all of them. He was taken out to drive and since Shepherd is in downtown Atlanta, that is where the driving test occurred. He had to drive their car, which as a Grand Marquis. Paul drove for an hour on the city streets and the freeway. After his driving test, the counselor went over the results with Paul and Jon. She said that she feels Paul’s vision is a hindrance and that he seemed ‘rusty’. Not exactly rocket science……………we know why! She said she was not failing him, but she was not passing him either. She said he would be tested again, and if he could not pass, would have to work through a vocational program to regain his ability to drive. Jon and I have watched Paul drive and felt she was very critical in her assessment. Also, she said she would see if the doctor would allow Paul to practice as long as we were in the car. She said she didn’t think he should do that and that he should sit as a passenger and observe us driving. I unfortunately was not there. I would have responded that no one becomes a better tennis player by watching! It is not that I am looking forward to seeing Paul drive again. I am very frightened at the prospect - it is a natural response after what we have been through. But I have driven with Paul a lot and he does very well. I w ill readily admit he was not ready for downtown driving and freeway driving, and in a Grand Marquis! I would not have driven well in a Grand Marquis! Our downtown streets are very narrow and Jon and I both hate driving there. One reason we wanted to help Paul get permission to drive was for him to be able to drive the 4 miles to work and back. There is a bus stop a block from his office and he could have used it to get to his class on Tuesday and Thursday. The bus goes near the university downtown and it would have been the perfect way for him to get to school and work. He was looking so forward to the freedom of getting to work and to go to the store for his personal things. I prayed that if it was truly safe, that it would happen.
And we got our answer. Paul has been very disappointed and was actually depressed for days afterward. We are looking for a psychologist to help Paul work through some of the emotions this has brought about. He has finally gained more awareness about his disabilities and has started to talk about his appearance and how it makes him feel. While I don’t want him to suffer from it, I know that it is progress for him. He hasn’t really talked a lot about the way his face looks. Now he does. He talks about that and also how he wants his constant headache to go away and he wants his eyelid to blink again and he wants to look normal. He said he wonders why God didn’t just bring him home. His brain is healing and his awareness is awakening. There is a tough road ahead. But I have to believe that God will help him and we will work diligently to find the help he will need to work through all those emotions that are surfacing.
If anyone is still reading this, please pray for his continued strength to accept the pathway God has set before him. It has been a long walk and he is coming to some forks in the road.
We will continue to get the help he needs to regain some independence in driving. We at least will fight to keep him driving while we are with him. That is the only way he will keep up his skills. We would like to see the doctor give him permission to drive within a 5 mile radius. That would get him anywhere he would really need to go. I will leave it in God’s hands and His time. As always. We are helping Paul understand and accept that God knows best. He does not need to be driving before he is truly ready. Oh, that virtue patience…………………….hard, hard, hard to attain.
Paul started classes at GA State University and I took him his first day. I told him I was going to walk way behind him, as I wanted to see how he would make his way around, but not be an embarrassment to him. He said he didn’t mind me being there at all, but I told him that it was good for him to just jump in and do what he wanted. He knew I was near if he needed help, but that he was on his own to handle the day. He remembered to give his disability paperwork to the professor right after class. He took notes during the class and was able to talk about what the professor said. He remembered so much and even noticed things I did not. Paul has always noticed the very small details and that is still his way. He knew the way to the Marta station, where he bought a month’s pass so he can use the railway system to get to school. It is a lot farther for us to drive to get him there and back, but it will work for him. He found the bookstore and purchased his textbooks. As he was walking back to our car, he saw someone he knew. It was Rudy. They met through the Catholic Youth Ministry on campus and had traveled to Steubenville University to hear Scott Hahn speak. Rudy recognized Paul right away and when Paul asked him if he remembered him, Rudy said yes and told him he had come to visit him while he was in a coma. Rudy told him too, that he had so many people praying for him. Paul said, “Well, it looks like they helped.” They talked for a bit and Rudy reminded Paul that Mass was at 12:15 every day in the student union. Paul continued to make his way around campus and remembered where everything was. His spirits were very high and he was having a great time. On our way home, he was very talkative and excited about being back at school. The disappointment of not being able to drive seemed to diminish greatly. Paul had a new experience and he was happy to see some of his normal life come back. There was a young lady who came up to him and told him that she new his brother Michael and asked him if he was the brother who had had the accident. I stood back and let them talk. On our way home, I told Paul that she had mentioned a couple of times that she lived with her parents in Lilburn and he looked at me and said, “ I should have asked her her name! She lives near us. C’mon Paul, where’s your head at ?”
We went over the textbooks with Paul and I talked to Jon in private about how this was going to be a tough class for Paul. It was exactly the kind of class we were told he should avoid on his first attempt at school. It was going to require a lot of reading and writing a number of papers. He would be required to contact principals of schools to get permission to sit in on 2 different classes with 2 different teachers and observe the teaching methods and then write his critique. Jon talked to Paul about it and he said he was a little worried about it. Jon said he would help him and they started to review the coursework. The books used were from an extremely liberal bias and Paul started to realize how slanted the perspective was. Both he and Jon started to realize the agenda the books were promoting and Jon told Paul that while he thought a teaching degree was awesome, Paul should really think about getting one from a Catholic university. The more they talked, the more Jon felt this class was totally an inappropriate perspective. Paul agreed and said that if he were to stay true to his faith background and wrote his answers that way, he would be sure to fail.
I looked over the material and was appalled at the extreme slant of these textbooks. While we are to take Jesus out into our world and try to bring the Glory to God, this is not the time for Paul to battle an extremely liberal agenda. He spent the rest of that evening and the next finding another class. We told him to do the research and we were there for help if he needed it. He found a class he can use as an elective in his degree program. He chose a class on the introduction of Film techniques that contrasts the different styles of directors worldwide. Paul changed out the classes online and attended class alone on Thursday. He was able to exchange his textbooks and did not lose any money. He also updated his student ID card and tried to find his new textbook. He called to tell me to try to find it on Half.com as the bookstore was sold out. He also told me he had met up with a room mate from his freshman year! His friend had joined the Air Force and was now back at school after serving the time. They had lunch and went back to the new dorms so Paul could see them. Paul was down at school from 7:45 AM until 3:30 PM! He did not call me other than to say he needed me to find the book if I could. He had a terrific day and was able to tell us in detail all that the teacher had talked about. I had ordered his textbook and had it overnighted since Paul had 60 pages to read by Tuesday. As of tonight, he had read them. He has written notes and is ready for class. He was telling Jon and me that he was talking to his best friend, Jonathan, and told him about the class. He said he joked around about how he decided to “bite the bullet and tackle school again by taking a solid 3 unit class …….yep, I am handling a full load!” Paul’s humor is still with him and we enjoy it immensely.
As the school semester begins, I am going to get back to my blog. I feel like God blessed me with this gift of writing down my thoughts and I derive so much joy from it. I have had so many moments where I wanted to share what I heard and saw, moments where I could connect the happenings of the day to God’s love and mercy. Thanks be to God, I have had this time tonight.
For anyone who ever checks back to this site again, know that I am praying for you always. I will carry all the prayer warriors in my heart every day I live.
Peace always, in our loving Savior, Jesus Christ.
Love,
Jon and Rebecca
As always, pictures will follow. So many great ones to share!
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